Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 6, Episode 21 - Beaver, the Caddy - full transcript

Beaver and Gilbert are caddying at the golf club for a twosome comprised of Ken Langley and Art Howard respectively. Beaver overhears that they have a bet on the game. As Beaver is keeping score, he knows that what Mr. Langley is telling him to mark down is not always the correct number of strokes for a hole, shaving a stroke here and there, enough to win the match and the bet, the first time that Mr. Langley would have ever beat Mr. Howard. Beaver feels wrong about helping Mr. Langley cheat. That guilt that Beaver feels gets worse first when Mr. Langley provides Beaver with an exorbitant tip - which to him almost feels like a payoff for his silence - and second when he learns that the bet itself was not for some measly sum but rather $500. Beaver has to decide what to do in the matter, and if he decides to keep quiet whether his conscience will ever get the better of him.

Starring...

and...

And another thing, Beav.

If you find any lost
golf balls on the course,

don't pick them up
till they stop rolling.

Who do you think I
am, Eddie Haskell?

Sure, Wally. Beaver's
caddied before.

Yeah, but I thought he might
forget some of the rules or something.

Well, I hope you caddy for someone
who's nice and is a gentleman.

Gee, Mom, I don't know if
there'll be gentlemen to go around.

The caddy master tells
you who you're gonna get.



Yeah. I might even
get stuck with Dad.

Oh, what I mean is, uh...

Beaver, I'm sure you
won't get stuck with me,

because you're
going out this morning,

and I'm not playing
till this afternoon.

Oh, well, I didn't
mean stuck, Dad.

- You see, what I meant was...
- Sure, Dad.

He just meant that
if he caddied for you,

he wouldn't get a big tip.

Well, I mean...

Well, it's a lot easier
caddying for strangers.

- Cleaver and Bates?
- Yes, sir?

You'll be packing Mr. Langley,
and you'll take Mr. Howard.

Their bags are right
outside the pro shop,



and they'll see you on the first
tee as soon as they finish practice.

Thank you very much, sir.

I sure hope they have something
for breakfast that agrees with them.

- How come?
- Well, 'cause there's nothing
like indigestion

to cut down on
the size of your tips.

Look, what if you gave
me two strokes on the side?

Nothing doing,
Ken. You were all for

this bet the other night in the locker
room, and that's what we agreed to.

Okay, okay. Lead
the lamb to slaughter.

- I'll have my driver, son.
- One driver coming up.

- I'll have mine, too,
young fella.
- Yes, sir, Mr. Langley.

Say, you've caddied for
me before, haven't you?

Yes, sir. You said you'd never
forget a handsome face like mine.

- Your name is...
- Beaver.

Beaver. Of course. I remember
telling the caddy master

that you were one of the
sharpest caddies around here.

I think you and I are gonna
get along just fine, Beav.

- Yes, sir.
- Art, you go ahead
and take the honors.

Okay.

Beaver, look, you
keep score for us.

You look like you might
be an A math student.

Probably planning to
be a space scientist, huh?

Yes, sir. Or play for
the Los Angeles Lakers.

Nice shot, Art.

Yeah. Felt pretty good.

Well, not far, but
right down the middle.

Like my
brother-in-law's politics.

- Oh!
- Pretty good putt.

- That's good, Ken.
- Thanks.

I had 6, Beaver.

I had a 6, too, Beav.

But I thought you had a 7.

No, Beav. I had a 6.

I may be bad, but not that bad.

I guess I must've
miscounted someplace.

I thought Fred Rutherford
was supposed to pick you up

a half an hour ago.

Oh, he called. He's
right on schedule,

late as usual.

Honey, while you're waiting, do
you suppose you could do something

about straightening out that
curtain rod in the dining room?

Some other time, June.

I've got my putting
touch just about perfect,

and I don't want to do
anything to throw it off.

Oh.

Uh, which curtain rod was that?

I'll show you.

- Say, Dad?
- Yeah, Wally?

Mr. Rutherford just drove up.

He told me to tell
you to hurry it up.

- You're late.
- You're late?

Well, Fred has a way
of phrasing things.

I'm sorry about the curtain rod.

- Have a good game.
- Yeah. Thanks.

- See you, Dad.
- Okay.

- Wally?
- Yeah, Mom?

Maybe you can fix
the curtain rod for me.

- Sure, Mom.
- It's right here in the dining
room. It got bent somehow.

Wally, Eddie Haskell
and Lumpy are outside.

They said that you promised
to go somewhere with them.

Oh, yeah. I forgot.

Say, Mom, about
that curtain rod...

It's all right, Wally.
You go ahead.

- Thanks a lot. I'll see you later.
- All right.

Say, maybe you could
look up in the Yellow Pages

under "Curtain Rod Unbenders."

- 6, Beav.
- Yes, sir.

What did Mr. Howard
take on that hole, Beaver?

A 6. The same as you.

Oh, I had a 5, old buddy.

Oh, no, sir, you didn't. You
see, I double-checked it.

You took two shots to
get out of the rough, and...

I had a 5, Beav.

That electronic brain of yours
must be slipping a cog or two.

Yes, sir. A 5.

Congratulations,
Ken. You did it.

That's the first time
I've ever beaten you, Art.

I guess the old pro will out
when the chips are down.

- I'll settle up
with you inside.
- Fine.

Well, here you are, Beaver.

Thank you, sir.

Hey, I'll take that scorecard.

I may want to frame
it for my trophy room.

By the way, drop my clubs
off at the pro shop, will you?

- What's the matter, Beaver?
- Nothing.

Here. Maybe this
will make you smile.

Well, thank you, sir, but...

We'll go around real
soon again, Beaver.

And don't go running
off to Las Vegas

and spend all that money, huh?

No, sir.

Hey, Beav, look what I
got. A whole dollar tip.

- That's pretty good.
- How much of a tip did you get?

$5.00.

$5.00? Wow!

What'd you do, tee up the
guy's ball for him in the sand trap?

No, I didn't do anything,
but he did plenty.

Huh?

The guy I caddied for cheated.

He cheated?

Oh, he didn't cheat a whole lot.

He cheated just enough to win.

That's all you gotta
cheat... Is just enough to win.

I thought only kids cheated
when they played games.

Look, Beav, it's just a game,

and you got a $5.00 tip, so
what are you moaning about?

I don't know. I feel funny.
It was just like I cheated.

Look, Beav, all you did

was write down the score the
way the guy told you to, isn't it?

- Yeah.
- And that's what
he paid you for, isn't it?

- Yeah.
- Well, there you are.

If you hadn't done
what he paid you for,

then you would've been cheating.

You're in the clear, Beav.

I still feel funny.

Listen, Beav, for $5.00,
you can afford to feel funny.

- Hi, Mom.
- Hi, Wally.

I can take a look at that curtain
rod now if you want me to.

Oh, it's all right.
I took care of it.

You mean you
straightened it yourself?

No, I solved the problem
by bending the other one.

Now both drapes hang the same.

Why, Mom, you're a genius.

Well, hi. How'd the caddying go?

It was okay.

Well, he doesn't sound
too happy about it.

He probably had to
caddy for a woman.

I mean, a duffer... woman.

I understood you, Wally.

You boys go ahead and eat.
I'm gonna wait for your father.

If he's playing with
Mr. Rutherford, Mom,

you might have a long wait.

Oh?

Ward?

Hi.

- How was the game?
- Oh, it was pretty fair.

Did you beat
Mr. Rutherford, Dad?

Yeah, I managed to
take old Fred today.

Oh, boy.

That probably means Lumpy
won't be able to go out this weekend.

- Oh?
- Yeah, every time his dad
loses at golf,

he takes it out on Lumpy

I'm sure my golf game
today is not going to affect

the internal affairs of
the Rutherford household.

Say, I would've been
home a little earlier,

but there was quite a bit of
excitement in the locker room.

- You know Art Howard?
- Yeah, slightly.

Yeah, well, he plays a
pretty fair game of golf.

But today, Ken Langley,
who's never beaten him before,

took him by three strokes.

- Oh.
- And won a $500 bet.

Wow.

That's an awful lot of money.

It's the biggest bet I can
ever remember at our club.

Boy, oh, boy.

Well, I'll run upstairs
and get cleaned up.

Hey, Beaver, what are you doing?

What do you mean,
what am I doing?

I'm playing darts.

You're not playing. You're
just going through the motions.

Well, I guess it
wouldn't hurt to tell you.

It's something that
happened at the golf course.

The guy I caddied
for, he cheated.

Cheated? Well, what did he do?

Use a hand mashie out
of the rough or something?

No, it's worse than that.

He made me write
down the wrong score.

And you know that guy that Dad
was talking about who won the $500?

That's the guy.

You mean you caddied for him?

Are you sure he cheated?

I know he cheated,

and he knows I know he cheated.

That's how come he
gave me a $5.00 tip.

A $5.00 tip?

Hey, Beav, how come you
didn't say something before?

That's a gasser.

It didn't sound so
gassy at the time.

That poor Mr. Howard,
he's out $500.

Wally, shouldn't
I tell somebody?

Yeah, I guess you
probably should.

Well, I could tell the
pro at the country club.

Yeah. Yeah, you could tell him,

but you know what he'd do?

- What?
- He'd probably have Mr. Langley
kicked out of the club.

No fooling?

Oh, sure. You've seen
those movies on TV

where the guy cheats at cards,

and they have him kicked
out of the officers' club,

and then nobody in the whole
army ever talks to him again.

Yeah. They do that to
George Sanders all the time.

Could it really
happen to Mr. Langley?

Well, sure. And what
about his wife and family?

Huh?

Doesn't his son Bradley
go to your school?

- Yeah, he's in my class.
- Yeah, well, it would
wreck his life, too.

Well, gee, Wally,

just opening my mouth could
wreck a lot of people's lives.

Yeah.

You got a hunk of
dynamite on your hands.

I don't think I can
tell anybody, Wally.

I know what you mean.

Boy, Mr. Langley's
the one who cheated,

and I'm the one who feels bad.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Boy, you got home
a little early today.

Yeah. Well, Fred Rutherford's
riding with me this week,

and he has a very important
dinner engagement tonight.

- Oh.
- He's dining with a member of
the City Planning Commission.

He wants to talk to him
about the lighting on his street.

Well, I hope Fred
can do some good.

I don't know. Last
time he had dinner

with a member of the commission,

he complained about the traffic
that was jamming up his street.

So they widened the street
and took away half his front yard.

So you didn't happen
to come across Beaver?

- No, I didn't see him.
- Hmm?

I ran into Gilbert on
my way to the market.

He said that Beaver told
him he couldn't play today

because he had something
important to attend to.

Well, something
important at Beaver's age

can mean almost anything...

Goofing off, watching
someone wreck a building,

girls.

Well, at least you could've
given us girls top billing.

Yes, young man?

Well, I'd like to see
Mr. Langley, please.

Do you have an appointment?

Oh, no, ma'am. Is he
a dentist or something?

Well, no, but he's quite busy.

Uh, couldn't you tell
me what it's about?

No, ma'am, I couldn't do that.

But I have to see him. It's
important. Real important.

Oh, I see.

Just a moment. Uh, you're Mr...

I'm not Mr. anybody.
I'm Theodore Cleaver.

Mr. Langley, there's a Theodore
Cleaver here to see you.

I think he knows
me better as Beaver.

Oh, Beaver.

Well, I have all this work to
get out before I leave, Dorothy.

Well, he says it's
very important, sir.

Something about caddying
for you last Saturday.

Oh, yes. All right. Send him in.

You can go in.
Right through there.

Thank you, ma'am.

Well, hello, Beaver.

Hello, Mr. Langley.

What can I do for you?

Well, uh...

First, here.

What's that for?

That's the $5.00 you gave
me for caddying for you.

Yes, I know. I
wanted you to have it.

You did a good
job caddying for me.

Like I tell everybody, you're
the best caddy at the club.

Yes, sir.

But when I took that money,

I didn't know you had that
$500 bet with Mr. Howard.

Well, I guess everybody's
heard about that.

It was quite a match.
I was very lucky.

What's the matter, Beaver?

Well, on the way up here,
I thought of a lot of nice,

polite ways to say it,

but I can't think of
any of them now.

You cheated.

Cheated?

Yes, sir. On a lot of the holes.

You made me mark
down the wrong score.

Beaver, have you told
anybody about this?

No, sir,

'cause I didn't want to get you
kicked out of the country club.

Look, Beaver, I admit I
fudged on the score a little,

but I had a reason.

Maybe if I explain the
circumstances to you,

you'll understand.

You see, this old goat
Howard has beaten me

every single time
we've ever played.

And the other day,
we were in the lounge,

and we were talking,
when this bet came up.

I guess maybe I'd
had a few too many.

You know how that is.

No, sir, I don't.

No, of course you don't.

Well, anyway, there were
several other club members there,

and I didn't want
to appear cheap

and back out of the bet,

so I went ahead and played him.

Yes, sir?

Well, $500 is an awful
lot of money, Beaver,

and I just couldn't afford
that much at this time,

so I... I maneuvered,
should I say.

You don't understand,
do you, Beaver?

No, sir. I don't.

I was always
taught not to cheat.

And a lot of times...
Well, I wanted to,

but I didn't.

I can understand
when a kid cheats,

but not a grown man.

I guess if you want to cheat,
that's your own business.

But you shouldn't have done
it in front of me and Gilbert.

It's just one of those things

grownups shouldn't
do in front of kids,

like eating with a
knife or something.

I couldn't afford to lose
that much money, Beaver.

But... But could
you afford to win it

if you had to win it that way?

Look, Beav...

And what about your son Bradley?

He's in my class at school.

What would you do if
you caught him cheating?

I guess I'd be very upset.

You're right, Beaver.

But, look, I can't just
walk up to Mr. Howard

and give him the money back.

Yeah, but can you keep it
when you practically stole it?

Well, I have an idea that
might straighten things out.

- Well, what is it?
- Well, it's just an idea I had.

I'll need your help, Beaver.

Will you help me?

Yes, sir. I guess so.

Would you caddy
for me next Saturday?

I don't know if I ever
wanna caddy for you again.

I can't say as I
blame you for that.

Look, if I guarantee you that
this will straighten everything out...

Okay, sir. But I
sure hope it does,

'cause every time
I look at Bradley,

I sure don't want to feel funny.

Beaver, I promise you you won't.

Okay, Whitey.

But if you see that knucklehead,
send him home, will you?

Wally, that's no way to
talk about your brother.

Well, gee, Mom, I got Whitey
up from the dinner table.

I can't exactly call
Beaver a genius.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sure, Whitey.

Okay, thanks a lot.

Well, Beaver, where
have you been?

Well, I had some
business to attend to.

- What kind of business?
- I'd rather not say.

Oh?

Oh, but it's not the kind of
business where I'm in trouble.

It's the kind of business where
somebody else is in trouble.

Well, did this business that you
had to attend to work out all right?

Well, it might have.

And then again, it might not
have. I'll have to wait and see.

Well, Beaver, the next
time you're late getting home,

you phone like
you're supposed to.

Yes, sir. I think I'm
gonna go upstairs

and get washed for dinner.

You gonna cross-examine
him at dinner, Dad?

No, I don't think so.

That's good, 'cause
you might find out

a whole lot of stuff you
wouldn't wanna know about.

Hey, Beaver, you're a
cinch for another $5.00 tip.

- How come?
- Well, I heard Mr. Langley
telling you

you could keep score again.

- Yeah, I know, but...
- Hey, Beav, you look awful funny.

What's going on?

I don't know right now, but
if I find out, I'll let you know.

Nice shot, Art.

Yeah.

But you're still 20
yards ahead of me.

I feel real relaxed today.

I had a 5, Beaver.

- Yes, sir. A 5.
- I had a 6, Beav.

Well, no, sir, Mr. Langley.

You had a 5. The
same as Mr. Howard.

- No, Beav. I had a 6.
- Oh, well, sure. I know, but...

6, Beav.

Yes, sir. A 6.

Well, that did it, Art.
You got your money back.

That's tough luck, Ken,

but that's the
way the divots fly.

Well, Gilbert, everything
worked out okay.

But your guy lost.

Yeah, I know. Wasn't it neat?

Oh, I get it. You
and Mr. Langley

doctored the scores so
Mr. Howard could win this time.

Yeah, something like that.

You know, Beav, I'm gonna
give up this caddying business.

- How come?
- I figure the less

you have to do with
adults, the better off you are.

Yeah.

Beaver, you mean you walked
right into Mr. Langley's office

and told him right to his
face that he was a crook?

No. I just told him
I knew he cheated.

Didn't you think of
the consequences?

What are they?

He could've gone ape.

He could've thrown
you out of his office,

punched you in the
nose, called the police

and had you arrested for defamation
of character and everything.

- No fooling?
- Sure.

Boy, I didn't think you
had that much nerve.

Neither did I.

You know, Wally,

I'm glad I don't know as
much about life as you do.

Otherwise I'd be the biggest
chicken in the whole world.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA