Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 6, Episode 15 - The Mustache - full transcript

Starring...

and...

Thank you, dear.

Say, Mom, Dad, would it be okay

if I went over to Julie
Foster's for a little while?

Again?

Never mind.

You've been over there
every night this week.

I have not, and you know it.

Have you finished your homework?

Yeah, all finished.



We didn't have practice today,

so I did most of
it this afternoon.

Do you have a date with Julie?

No, I don't have
a date with her,

but she'll be there.

Well, you sound
very sure of yourself.

I'm not sure of myself. I'm just
sure she's going to be there, that's all.

Is it okay?

- Sure. Go ahead.
- Thanks.

Oh, say, Beav, do me a favor and give Julie
a buzz and tell her I'm on my way over.

Sure. I'll say, "Julie, lover
boy's on his way over."

You better not.

Wally, I'll see she
gets the message.

Okay, Mom.
Thanks a lot. So long.



Beaver, it wouldn't hurt you to do a
favor for your brother once in a while.

I know, but I don't like
talking to girls on the phone,

all the time acting
silly and giggling.

Hello, may I speak
to Julie, please?

Oh?

Well, no. Thank you very much.

Bye.

She's not at home?

No. She left an
hour ago, on a date.

With one of her girlfriends?

No, with a boy.

Boy, this is just like one of those
old Mickey Rooney pictures on TV.

Well, for not having a date last
night, Wally was out quite late.

Wonder where he was.

Maybe he just hung around
over there at the Fosters'.

Without Julie there?

Sure. You know
the old technique...

Getting in good with
the folks is half the battle.

Yes, come to think about it.

You used to talk baseball
with my father for hours.

Maybe Wally waited out in the
bushes last night until Julie came home,

and then beat up
on her new boyfriend.

Oh, Beaver, now you
know that didn't happen.

Then how come you
and Dad are so shook up?

We're not shook up.

It's just that we're curious
about where Wally was.

- Hi.
- Morning, Wally.

Come on, everything's
ready. Sit down.

Okay.

Dad?

Aren't you going to ask Wally
what happened last night?

Beaver.

Gee, Mom, you said
you were curious.

Wally, I think you should know

that your mother made
the phone call for you

and was told that Julie
had already left on a date.

With a guy.

Oh, yeah.

She was gone when I got there.

That's a shame, Wally.

Well, it was okay.

I went to the show
with Eddie and Lumpy.

Oh, well, I thought
you'd be disappointed.

Gee, no. It doesn't
bother me in the least.

Yeah? Well then,
how come this morning,

when I made those
kissing noises,

you threw your shoe at me?

Boy, just one more
day of this grind,

then a whole week off.

What are you planning
on doing, Eddie?

I don't know. I'll probably
just hang around the park.

Or I might go to Arizona and
spend the week on a dude ranch,

or visit my uncle in
Texas, who's a millionaire.

Hey, Wally.

Hi, guys.

Have we got sad tidings for you.

Lay off, Eddie. Why
wreck the guy's day?

Hey, what's all this?

Your gal friend Julie Foster
has herself a new guy.

How do you know?

Ronnie and Jeff said
they saw them together.

Sorry, buddy boy.
It's all over school.

You're out, Clyde.
O-U-G-H-T, out.

Wait a minute. Who
is this other guy?

It's some new kid.

I think he just transferred in from
some swanky school back east.

Yeah, Vassar or something.

All right, big deal.

So Julie was seen
out with another guy.

That doesn't mean anything.

That may not mean anything,
but this does. Take a look.

I'll see you guys later.

Oh, hang around, pal.

Don't be a sore loser.

- Hi, Wally.
- Hi, Julie.

Oh, Wayne, I'd like
you to meet my friends.

This is Wally Cleaver, Eddie
Haskell, Lumpy Rutherford.

Wayne Gregory.

What do you say, man?

- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.

Julie's giving me
a tour of the school.

Where would you
like to go next, Wayne?

With you as a guide,
Julie, who cares?

Oh, Wayne, the things you say.

Well, see you around, man.

- Yeah, see you.
- Yeah.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Well, there it is, pal.

They're riding off
into the sunset.

Hey Wally, did you notice
that guy's moustache?

Yeah, I noticed
it. I noticed it.

Tough luck, pal. Hey,
you want the address

of a good lonely hearts club?

Ah.

I'll see you guys.

Honestly, Julie? Wayne
Gregory said that to you?

It was just like in the movies.

- I felt just like Doris Day.
- Oh, it gives me goose bumps.

I just adore a boy who's
so adult and sophisticated.

And handsome.

Julie, what about Wally Cleaver?

Weren't you two dating?

Yes, we were. Oh, I don't know.

Wally's a real nice boy and all,

but he's sort of
naive and immature.

Wow, I'm sure glad
Wally wasn't here.

Boy, you know it.

If Wally had heard
what we just heard...

Boy, naive and immature...

He'd just about kill himself.

We'd better not
say anything to him.

That's right, Lump. And you
just better remember that, too.

Don't go running off at the
face the next time you see him.

So then she says,
"Wally's a real nice boy,

but he's also naive
and immature."

Julie said that?

I'm telling you, pal, if
Lumpy hadn't held me back,

I would have gone right
over there and read her off.

Yeah, well, thanks, Eddie.

Sure, pal. I wouldn't want
you to be the last to know.

Beaver, you want to get that?

Sure, Mom.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Gilbert.

Just a minute. I'll ask.

Mom, Gilbert wants to know

if he can come over
and spend the night.

- Tonight?
- Yeah.

Oh, honey, you have a whole
week's vacation coming up.

Why don't you have him
come over one night next week?

Okay.

Listen, Gilbert, why don't you
spend some night next week?

Oh. Well, yeah.

Mom, Gilbert says his
mom's in a real good mood

for getting him out of
the house right now.

Beaver, I think some other
night would be much better.

Gilbert, some other night
would be much better.

No, that's not me talking,
that's my father talking.

Yeah, okay. Good-bye.

He's going to try
Richard or Allen.

Beaver, you aren't too
disappointed, are you?

No. Whenever Gilbert comes
over, he always wrecks my sleep.

Oh?

Yeah. He walks in his sleep.

Last time, he walked
right over to my piggy bank.

- Hi, Wally.
- Hi.

How does it feel to have a whole
week coming up with nothing to do?

Okay, I guess.

Say Dad, you busy?

No. What's on your mind?

Well, I just wanted to talk
to you about something.

Oh. Well, come on in the den.

Where are you going?

I think I left my
books in the hall.

You just wait and
get them later.

You know, Mom,
when I was little,

you and Dad never used
to know what I was up to.

We knew. We just didn't
let you know we knew.

Well, pull up a chair.

Huh? Oh, yeah.

Dad, you've been
practically all over the world,

even to Las Vegas.

Did you ever grow a moustache?

A moustache?

No, I don't think I
ever did, Wally. Why?

Well, I was just wondering.

However, when I was with
the Seabees, I did grow a beard.

- You did?
- Yeah, a lot
of the fellows did.

Gee, no fooling?

How did it go over?

Go over?

I mean, did it do you any good?

You know, with the women.

Oh.

Well, I was just curious to see

if they paid more
attention to you

with a moustache or a beard.

Wally, I never got
a chance to find out.

You didn't?

No. You see, we were
building a landing strip

on a deserted
atoll in the Pacific,

and the nearest women were
2,000 miles away in the Fiji Islands.

Oh.

Well, thanks anyway, Dad.

Oh, nothing too
serious with Wally.

Good.

Unless wanting to raise
a moustache is serious.

Wants to raise a moustache?

Nothing serious?

Dear, he didn't say he was
going to raise a moustache.

He was just sort of sounding
me out on the subject.

Now why would a
boy in high school

possibly want to
grow a moustache?

Don't you know?

No.

June, behind every
moustache there's a woman.

That didn't come out quite
right, but you know what I mean.

Aren't you going
to tell me, Wally?

- Tell you what?
- What you're up to.

What makes you think
I'm up to something?

A couple of years ago,

you started acting
goofy like this,

and the next thing,
you sent away

for that nose shrinker
you wore at night.

- You know something, Beav?
- Yeah?

Don't be surprised if
by the end of vacation,

you don't even recognize me.

- Hey Beav, Beav.
- Yeah?

You can go on in and wash up

and brush your
teeth if you want to.

How come you're
letting me go first?

Do I need a reason
to be nice to you?

Sure. You're my
brother, aren't you?

Ah, go on and get in there.

Oh, uh, gee, I thought I
had something in my eye.

Ward, do you think
Wally is really serious

about growing a moustache?

That stuff on his upper lip
this morning wasn't crab grass.

Honestly.

Of course, it
solves one problem.

What's that?

We know what to
get him for Christmas.

A moustache cup.

Hey, what are you laughing at?

I was just thinking... That's like
looking for a wheat field in Death Valley.

Did you call the boys?

Yeah, they'll be
down in a minute.

Say, aren't we having breakfast
kind of early this morning?

Well, maybe so, but with the
boys starting back to school...

Hi, Mom. Wally said he'd be down
in a minute. He's upstairs shaving.

- He's shaving?
- Yeah.

Well, thank goodness. I was
afraid he might go to school

with that silly thing
on his upper lip.

That's what's
taking him so long.

He's trying not to
cut that silly thing off

while he shaves
the rest of his face.

Ward, don't you
think you ought to...

June.

Good morning, all.

Well, how do you like it?

You're really going
to wear that to school?

Well, sure, Mom.
That's why I grew it.

Hey Wally, you better not
order soup in the school cafeteria.

It'll strain all
the noodles out.

Pass the cream, please.

No fooling, Dad...
What do you think of it?

You've trimmed
it very well, Wally.

Yeah.

Do you think it gives
me a more mature look?

Uh, yes, it might make
you look a little older.

I'll tell you one
thing, Wally...

You're no Cesar Romero.

Bye, Mom.

Have a good day, Beav.

Well, Mother, see
you after school.

All right, Wally.

Gee, Mom, you're going to
like it once you get used to it.

What's the matter?

Wally, I don't know. I
just have a funny feeling.

Golly, Mom, you
look just like you did

the first time I crossed
the street by myself.

So long.

Bye, Wally.

Good morning.

- So what could I say?
- Don't say a thing.

- Well, exactly.
- I was just
one of those things.

Julie, hello there.

Hi, Wally, I haven't
seen... Oh, no.

Wally, you look so funny.

It just doesn't
go with your face.

It's a riot.

Come on, Wally, take it off now,

or we'll never get
any work done.

Wait, don't tell me.

Let me guess.

Uh, Wild Bill Hickok?

Paladin?

- No, he's not on a horse.
- Mitch Miller.

No, he didn't have
enough left over for a beard.

Come on, guys,
lay off, will you?

Who are you trying
to hide from, Wally?

Will the real Wally
Cleaver please stand up?

All right, class, all right.

You heard the bell.

- Good morning, Mr. Barnes.
- Good morning, everyone.

Morning, Mr. Barnes.

Well, Mr. Cleaver.

Something new has
been added, I see.

Yes, sir.

Well, let's take
our seats, class.

We have a lot of work
to do this morning.

Hey, Wally, watch your
step so you don't trip over it.

And if you ever cut
it off, save me a curl.

Class.

Class.

Now let's see if we can't

get our minds off
Mr. Cleaver's moustache

and into 17th-century Italy.

Mr. Cleaver, I think you'll do
better in a more upright posture.

Hi, Mom.

How did it go, the
first day after vacation?

Like it always goes the
first day after vacation.

I guess the teachers get over
vacation faster than the kids do.

- Wally?
- Hi, Mom.

Well, what brought that on?

Maybe he's being
chased by a gang

who saw his moustache
and think he's Hitler.

- Oh, hi.
- Hi, dear.

Something's going on with Wally.

He just dashed in the house,
ran upstairs... Barely said hello.

Oh?

Let's go drag him out of his room,
Dad, and see what's wrong with him.

Beaver, you stay
right where you are.

Wally?

Oh, hi Dad.

How'd it go today, son?

Boy, not so good.

You know, I think this is the longest
day I've ever spent in my whole life.

Oh?

Yeah, and all on account
of this stupid thing.

Oh.

So now it's a stupid thing, huh?

It must be.

You know, I didn't
really think it was,

but the way everybody
was laughing at me,

including Julie
Foster, it has to be.

They give you a pretty bad time?

Boy, I'll say.

You know, I couldn't
understand it.

That Wayne Gregory
has a moustache,

and it worked for him.

Well, maybe that's the
key to it right there, Wally.

What works for the other
fellow doesn't always work for us.

No?

No, especially where
girls are involved.

When it comes to making
an impression on them,

I guess no one's ever really come up with
a good substitute for just being yourself.

Yeah, but that was
the whole thing, Dad.

While I was being myself,
she went for the other guy.

Yeah. Wally, I'll tell you
something about women,

if you'll not let
it go any further.

Gee, no, Dad.

You can always count on them
being consistently unpredictable.

Yeah.

You know, the more
I understand them,

the more I think I have
to learn about them.

How do you like it now?

I'll buy that.

- You know something, Dad?
- Yeah?

When you grew that
beard, you were pretty lucky,

having those girls
2,000 miles away.

I'll tell you
something, Wally...

I think those girls
were pretty lucky, too.

Beaver, I thought you were going to go
by Wally's school and watch him practice.

We were, but Gilbert said
there were always a lot of girls

hanging around after
practice, so we didn't go.

You mean you and
Gilbert don't like girls?

Well, we like girls okay,
and we like sports, too.

But when you mix the two of them
together, neither one of them are any fun.

Wally.

Yeah, Julie?

I've been waiting for
you to finish practice.

Yeah, well, I finished.

Can I talk to you?

Gee, don't you have a date with
that Wayne Gregory or something?

No, Wally. I'm not
seeing Wayne anymore.

Really? That's very interesting.

I guess I just went for him

because of the way
he talked or something.

The way he talked, huh?

Gee, that's great.

Would you like to go
get a malt or something?

Gee, I'd love to.

Wally, did you really grow
that moustache just for me?

Yeah, I guess I sort of did.

I think that's the nicest,
sweetest thing I ever heard of.

Gee, no fooling?

Mm-hm.

But, Wally, please
don't ever do it again.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA