Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 6, Episode 11 - Beaver, the Sheep Dog - full transcript

Starring...

and...

Hey, you guys, look.

Shirley and her
goofy girl friends.

Yeah, and look at
their funny-looking hair.

Yeah.

What did you say, Beaver?

Oh, nothing.

He said "Look at your
funny-looking hair."

That's what he said.

And what's wrong with my hair?



I don't know for
sure. Is it a wig?

No, it isn't a wig.

No, Beav, it isn't a
wig. It's a haystack.

That's very funny. Ha ha ha.

Beaver, have you
ever seen a sheep dog?

Yeah, I guess so. Well, sort of.

Well, if you aren't sure
what one looks like,

just take a look in the mirror.

Yeah, you're right, Shirley.
He does look like a sheep dog.

Sheep dog, sheep dog, sheep dog.

Hi, Beaver.

Hi, Mom.

How did things
go at school today?

Okay, I guess.



No teachers yelled
at me or anything.

Good.

Mom?

Yes?

Do you think I look
like a sheep dog?

Well, of course
I don't think that.

In fact, I think you're a
very handsome young man.

Yeah, well, you've
told me that before.

And I mean it.

Yeah, but that's because
you look at me as a mother.

Well, try to look at
me as another kid.

Beaver, it wouldn't
matter how I looked at you.

You wouldn't look
like a sheep dog.

Well, some of the
kids at school say I do.

Oh, I wouldn't pay
any attention to them.

- Hi, Mom.
- Hi, Wally.

Hey, what's the matter with you?

Wally, if I ask you
something, will you answer me

not like my brother,
but just like another guy?

Well, first ask me,

and then I'll decide
how to answer you.

Well, do you think I
look like a sheep dog.

Well, no, I don't think
you look like a sheep dog.

You look more like
a gopher with bangs.

Wally.

Well, what did I say?

Oh, hi, Beaver.

Hi, Dad.

Hi.

This is one of
our sensitive days.

Oh.

Someone at school
called him a sheep dog.

Well, if that's the worst
thing he's called at school,

it's not so bad.

Ward, you know,
children can be so cruel.

Oh, he'll snap out
of it. It's like Wally.

Remember when some girl
told him he had a pug nose

how depressed he got?

Yes, and when
Beaver was smaller,

he had the same
thing with his freckles.

It happens to all of us.

I remember once the kids
called me elephant ears.

Did it bother you?

No, not at all.

It was winter, and I just
wore a stocking cap to school

and pulled it down over my ears.

Oh, Ward, what did you do
when the warm weather came?

I learned to fight.

And it was my favorite record.

One time I played it 40
times straight without stopping.

Well, last night
my dad sat on it.

My mother said it
was an accident,

but now I'm beginning to wonder.

Uh-oh.

Make way for the
sheep dog, girls.

Be careful. He doesn't
have his leash on.

Ruff, ruff.

Come on, fellow.
Speak, boy, speak.

Come on, fellow, speak.

- I wouldn't worry about it.
- You wouldn't?

I'd just go to the vet's
and get my hair cut.

Wally, a little bit to the left.

Here?

Oh, about an inch further.

Now drop it down
just about that much.

I think we better
start over, huh?

Beaver?

Yes, Mom?

Nothing special.

Everything go all
right at school today?

Oh, sure, Mom.
Great. Just great.

Boy, Beaver, just because
you're sore about something,

you don't have go around
barking at everybody.

Oh, get lost, you,
you pug nose, you.

Yes, Ward, Beaver came
home all upset from school,

and Wally said something to
him and he ran out of the door.

June, I think you're
making too much of all this.

Why, he'll forget all
about it in a day or two.

Maybe we can get
him a short haircut or...

Or a stocking cap?

Yeah, or a stocking cap.

Look, I'll have a talk with
him when I come home.

Well, all right, Ward,
but I'm worried about him.

He's been gone for an hour.

All right, bye.

Well, Wally?

I looked for him everywhere.

Well, where do you
suppose he could be?

I don't know, but I wouldn't
worry too much, Mom.

I don't think he was
shook up enough

to hop a freight or anything.

May I help you, young man?

Oh, well, no.

I mean, I guess you can.

I'd like to buy a
can of this stuff.

You mean Glama Spray?

Yeah, that's the stuff I mean.

But this is a women's hairspray.

Oh, well, it's not for me.

Uh, it's for my
sister... My big sister,

and she's a lady almost.

Oh, well, let's see now.

Does your sister have
fine, medium, or thick hair?

Oh, well, about like mine.

Hmm, I'd say she'd
take the medium.

Well, maybe you better
give her the heavy duty stuff.

She's got hair kind
of like a sheep dog.

Well, maybe your sister
better come in herself.

I mean, I wouldn't
want to sell you

something that
was wrong for her.

Oh, no, she can't do that.

I mean, the way she looks now,

she's ashamed to be
seen out in the streets.

Very well.

Uh, maybe you better
make that two cans.

How about curlers?

Oh, no, ma'am, I
wouldn't use those.

I mean, she wouldn't use those.

Very well, I'll
wrap these for you.

Oh, and could you
shove it in a bag

so it'll look like
shaving cream?

Sure.

Beaver?

Beaver, where have you been?

I've been worried about you.

Oh, I just went out, Mom,

but I didn't do anything
I wasn't supposed to do.

What's the matter?

Why are you holding
your stomach?

Gee, Mom, can't a guy hold
his own stomach if he wants to?

Hey, Beav, what are you
doing with all the hairspray?

You mind your own
business, you big snoop.

Hey, Goldilocks,
open up. It's the prince.

Beat it, Wally.

Ward, Beaver came
home holding his stomach.

That poor child is just sick
over this sheep dog business.

June, he's growing up.

We can't hold his hand
and baby him all through life.

Well, we're going
to hold his hand

and baby him through this.

And don't tell me I'm
acting like a woman

because that's what
I intend to act like.

- Hi, Dad.
- Oh, hi, Wally.

Hey, Mom, Beaver's home.

Yes, I know he is, honey.

Yeah, but do you
know what he's up to?

What?

Well, he went down
to the drugstore,

and he bought a
lot of hairspray junk.

And he's upstairs in
the bathroom right now.

Oh, Ward.

Where's Beaver?

Well, he's still upstairs
in the bathroom.

Oh, Wally, would you go up
and tell him supper's ready?

Well, sure, Mom.

- Wally?
- Hmm?

No matter how he looks,

I don't want you to
say anything to him.

Well... Well, gee, Mom, he's
probably going to be a mess.

How am I going to
keep from laughing?

Wally, now, you just
do as your mother asks.

Remember, no
teasing and no laughing

until we get Beaver
straightened out.

Understand?

Yes, sir.

Oh, Ward, I could just cry.

Well, June, that'll be worse
than Wally laughing at him.

Hey, Beaver, dinner's ready.

I'm coming. I'm coming.

June, it's just a phase
Beaver's going through.

Well, I wish there was
something we could do

to help him go through it.

He's coming.

All right, now, remember,

we just all carry on a
normal conversation.

Wally, you watch yourself, now.

Yes, Mom.

Here he comes.

Hi.

Sit down, Beaver.

Uh, Wally, why don't
you start the potatoes?

Oh, okay, Dad.

Thank you.

Beaver, would you
like some of these?

Uh, Wally?

Yeah, Dad?

Uh, what kind of a team

are you going to have
at school this year?

Oh, well, I think the team
should be pretty good, Dad.

Oh, well, that's good
to hear. Isn't it, Beaver?

Yeah, Dad, that's good to hear.

- Ward?
- Yes, dear?

Your shirts came back
from the laundry today.

Oh, that's good. Fine.

That's good to hear.

Yeah. Yeah, that's good to hear.

Beaver, some more meat?

Oh, no, thanks, Mom.

Wally?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, thank
you. I'll have some.

Hey, do you guys
notice anything?

Uh, what was that, Beaver?

Well, there's something
different about me.

I was just wondering
if you guys noticed it.

Oh, Beaver.

I'm sorry, Dad. I tried.

I tried to hold it
in. I just couldn't.

I'll talk to you later.

Excuse me.

Beaver?

Beaver, I want to talk to you.

Come on, now. Sit up.

Beaver, you're taking
this whole business

far too seriously.

Everybody's laughing at me, Dad.

Even my own family.

Well, let me ask you a question.

Do you really think your hair

looks good plastered
down that way?

Better than looking
like a sheep dog.

But you don't look
like a sheep dog.

The kids at school think I do.

Oh, they don't really.

They're just
having fun with you.

If you think you
look like a sheep dog

just because a lock of hair

falls down over your
forehead once in awhile,

you should've seen Will Rogers.

Did you ever hear of him?

Yeah, I've seen pictures of him.

Well, his hair was always
falling down over his eyes,

but he didn't let
that bother him.

I'll bet it would have if they'd
have called him a sheep dog.

No. No, that wouldn't
have bothered him.

You know why?

Because Will Rogers
had a sense of humor.

And what's more, he
could laugh at himself.

You see, it's when you
take yourself too seriously

that people get the biggest
kick out of teasing you.

You laugh along with them,
and you take all their fun away.

But, gee, Dad, if I'd have
laughed along with these guys,

they would've called
me a laughing sheep dog.

Beaver, everyone has
something about himself

that he's conscious of...

His eyes or his nose
or his hair. Something.

I can remember when
you were all worried

that your ears
stuck out too far.

Do they still, Dad? Do
they look bad? Do they?

Why, they... they
don't stick out at all,

and they never did.

The point I'm trying
to make, Beaver,

is you got over that notion,

and you'll get over this
sheep dog business, too,

if you just realize that
you're exaggerating

the whole thing
way out of proportion.

Now, come on.

How about getting that
stuff out of your hair?

Well, okay.

You know, I don't know exactly
what combination of things

you've got there, but I'd say

that the sooner you
got it out, the better.

If you leave it on too long,
you just might damage your hair.

Yeah.

Maybe if I'm
lucky, it'll rot it all off

and I'll be bald-headed.

- Hi, Eddie.
- Hiya, pal.

What do you say, chum?

Hey, Eddie, you
have that look again.

Huh?

That look you get when
you come over here

because you want something.

You know, Wally,
for a sweet guy,

you can be awfully
cruel at times.

Well, can't you... Can't
you ever just drop by

and shoot the
breeze or something?

Well, sure.

What do you hear from Lumpy?

How's your homework
coming along?

How about that new girl
in school from Cleveland?

How about loaning me five bucks?

I'll pay you back Saturday.

Yeah, which Saturday?

You studying to be a
lawyer or something?

You get so technical.

What's the matter
with Chicken Little?

Lay off, huh, Eddie?

I'm just trying to
bring some cheer

into the little fellow's life.

What are you
moping about, junior?

Nothing.

Aw, come on.

Did papa send you to your
room without your supper

because you spilled your Pablum?

Look, Eddie, Beaver's
worried about his hair

because somebody
made a crack about it,

and that's all there is to it.

So lay off, huh?

What's the matter with his hair?

That's the way they're
wearing it this year...

down at the dog pound.

Look, Eddie, I
said lay off, huh?

All right, all right.

Just trying to help the guy.

Yeah, sure, you were.

Look, Beaver,

who were these guys that
made the cracks about you?

A bunch of girls.

Girls? Then you got no problem.

You know how you work
it? You insult them right back.

That'll stop them.

Yeah?

Well, you're
talking to an expert.

I owe my success to
the fine art of the insult.

If you hit them
with both barrels

they'll back right off.

Hey, maybe it'll work.

I know it will.

There's a million
good girl insults.

Get a load of this.

"Hey, you, I've seen
better-looking faces

on iodine bottles."

Hey, that's pretty good.

That's only a beginning.

Here's one that will
really slow them down.

You get a bunch
of guys together,

and then you point at
this one girl and you say,

"Hey, now I remember you.

You're the cover girl
for Mad magazine."

Boy, this is neat. I
better make a list.

You know, Beaver,
for five bucks,

I could give you quite a list.

Oh, now, come on, Eddie.

He's not paying
you any five bucks.

Oh, look, pal,

you know what a psychiatrist
charges to get rid of a complex?

Eddie, the guy's got
enough trouble as it is.

Okay, okay.

Hey, here's one
that's really top drawer.

It's a beaut.

Let's hear it, Eddie.

She started to
have her face lifted,

but then saw what
was underneath it

so they put it back down.

I'm going now, Mom.

All right, Beaver,
you look very nice.

Have a good day at school, Beav.

Oh, I will, Dad. I will.

See you, Mom.

- Bye.
- Bye.

I wasn't sure my little talk
last night got through to him,

but evidently, it
did a lot of good.

Evidently.

Hi, ugly, is that your face,

or are you breaking
it in for a monkey?

Oh, you're just practicing, huh?

Yeah.

Is that your nose or are
you eating a banana?

You're not really going to say

all these things to that
Shirley girl, are you?

I sure am.

Boy, I don't know about
taking advice from Eddie.

Well, I wouldn't take advice
from him on good stuff,

but when you want to
know how to be a real rat,

you couldn't go to a better guy.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

He is sort of a natural
for that kind of stuff.

Well, so long, Wally.

Yeah, I'll see you.

Come on, Fred. Let's go.

- Come on, Beav.
- I'm going to hang around here.

How come?

I want to wait for Shirley
and her creepy friends.

Why? Do you like being
called a sheep dog?

You just wait and see.

Hey, they're coming now.

Look, Shirley, Rover's here.

Oh, the poor little fellow.

He's not even waggling his tail.

Hey, Shirley, can I
ask you something?

Sure, what is it, Fido?

Halloween's over. Why
don't you take off your mask?

Hey, ugly, last time
I saw a face like that,

it was on a clock and
a cuckoo came out of it.

Now, now, what's
going on out here?

Beaver's picking on
Shirley, Mr. Bailey.

Shirley, is that true?

Is that true, Charles?

Well, gee, Mr. Bailey,
I don't know.

I was just passing through
when I heard her screaming.

Me, too, Mr. Bailey.

Beaver made her cry.

He said she was ugly and
had a face like a cuckoo clock.

Theodore, I'm surprised
at you, picking on a girl.

Aren't you ashamed of yourself?

Yes, sir, I sure am.

I never thought anything
like this would happen

in a million years.

No fooling, Beav, you
mean this Shirley girl

just started bawling right
there in front of everybody?

Well, she sure did,

and it was the worst thing
that ever happened to me.

Well, I wanted to
go hide some place.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

I was in the malt shop with
Mary Ellen Rogers once,

and all of the sudden
she started crying

right into her hot fudge sundae.

How come? Did you insult her?

No, I didn't insult her. I
was just looking at her.

But she said it was the
kind of look that meant

I thought she was too fat
and shouldn't eat sweets.

Boy, girls can sure
be a mess, can't they?

Yeah.

What did Mr. Bailey do
to you for insulting Shirley?

He told me to apologize to her,

but she was
bawling too hard then

so I'm going to send her
this note I wrote instead.

Oh, yeah? What's in it?

Well, it says, uh...

"Dear Shirley,

"I apologize for calling
you names and stuff

"when you called me a sheep dog,

"but if you'll cut
out that kind of junk,

"I'll cut it out, too.

"And I'm sorry I made you cry.

Your friend, Beaver Cleaver."

Well, I guess that's okay.

Well, I was going
to put yours truly,

but I didn't want her to think

I was in love with
her or anything.

Hey, what's that down
on the bottom there?

It's a P.S.

"P.S. I don't really think

you're as ugly
as I said you are."

Beaver, that's just going
to start her bawling again.

No fooling?

Okay, then I'll rub out the P.S.

Boy, Wally, girls sure
are sensitive, aren't they?

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
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