Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 5, Episode 8 - Wally's Big Date - full transcript

Starring...

and...

Hey, Mom. Lumpy's
driving me to school today.

Has he showed up yet?

Not yet.

Where's the Beaver?

He's still upstairs. He
couldn't find a clean shirt.

Oh, maybe I better
go help him find one.

Oh, no, that's okay, Mom.

He fished a dirty one
out of the hamper.

Good morning, Clarence.



Morning, Mrs. Cleaver.

- Morning, Mr. Cleaver.
- Morning, Clarence.

- You ready, Wally?
- Yeah, sure.

You know, this is the 16th.

Oh, man.

What's wrong with
it being the 16th?

This is the week we have a
school dance on Saturday night,

except the guys from Mayfield

are supposed to take
the girls from Riverside,

and the guys from Riverside

are supposed to take
the girls from Mayfield.

Sounds quite complicated.

Whose idea was that?

Miss Mulligan, our
social science teacher.



It's supposed to
prepare us for life.

Well, have you boys
decided which girls

you're going to
ask from Riverside?

It's not that easy, Mom.

Mrs. Mulligan's got the
whole thing worked out.

Today at school,

they're going to put all the
girls from Riverside in a bowl,

and the guys are going
to pick their names out

and see who they get stuck with.

It sounds like all you
guys are not for the idea.

Boy, I'll say.

Eddie Haskell got up in
class and said it was illegal

'cause it was gambling.

Miss Mulligan told him to sit down
or she'd send him to the principal.

Bye, Mrs. Cleaver.
Bye, Mr. Cleaver.

Hi, Mom.

Hi, dear.

Mom, can I have some of
my allowance ahead of time?

Well, now, I don't
know. Is it important?

Oh, this is important.

Gilbert found a
two-foot garter snake,

and he's willing to sell me a
half-interest in it for 15 cents.

No, Beaver. I don't want you
buying any interest in any snake.

Ah, gee, Mom.

I get a chance at a good deal,

and you won't let me
do anything about it.

Is Wally home?

Yes. He's upstairs.

He's trying to imagine
what kind of a girl

he picked for the
dance Saturday.

Oh, yeah. Today's the day they
drew the girls out of the bowl.

You like the idea, Beaver?

Yeah, it sounds neat.

Only all's you get is a girl.

Hey, Wally, what kind of
girl did you get stuck with?

I don't know.

None of the guys I talked
to seem to know her.

That's a gyp making you take
out somebody you never saw.

Yeah, but there's nothing
you can do about it.

Mrs. Mulligan says we
all got to be good citizens.

Is that her name?

Yeah. Marjorie Muller.

Marjorie Muller?

Hey, I know her.

How could you know her?

She's got to be at
least 15 years old,

and she's in a
different school district.

Yeah, but remember
two years ago,

when I went to that day camp?

She was one of the older girls

who used to play
baseball with us kids.

Hey, no fooling?

What's she like?

She's a good first baseman.

I don't mean that. I
mean, is she pretty?

Gee, Wally, I can't
look at a first baseman

and tell if she's pretty or not.

Anyway, her hair was
always slopped over her face.

Hey, Wally, I
got to talk to you.

Hey, what happened to
you after school, Eddie?

I had to go home.

Hey, what girl did
you pick for the dance?

That's what I wanted
to talk to you about.

In private.

Tell your grubby
little brother to get lost.

This is my room, too.

Look, will you just get lost
for a couple of minutes, Beav?

Okay, Wally.

Hey, Lumpy told me you
picked Marjorie Muller.

Yeah, I picked
her. You know her?

Yeah. I met her last summer
at a place we were staying.

She's no Sandra Dee,
but she kind of went for me.

We made music together.

What about it?

Well, you being my best friend,

I thought maybe we could switch.

You take the girl I
drew out of the bowl,

and I'll take Marjorie.

Why should I do that, Eddie?

If you're breaking your
neck to get this Marjorie,

she must be a knockout.

I knew you were
going to get suspicious.

That's why I brought the book.

The yearbook
from Riverside High.

I'll show you her picture.

There. Marjorie Muller.

Not bad.

She's kind of cute.

I'm not saying
she's any great doll.

It's just that we
got along good.

Look, Eddie, I see
through this whole thing.

The girl you picked
must really be sad.

All this jazz is just
to stick me with her.

So happens I don't even
know the girl I picked.

I even forgot her name.

Cut it out, Eddie.

Gail Preston.

She's probably
better-looking than Marjorie.

She's in the book, isn't she?

Yeah, I guess she is.

You know something. I
never even thought to look.

Stop the act, Eddie.

Gail Preston, huh?

She's probably the
world's all-time nothing.

Hey, boy!

Wow.

I should've looked first.

Wait a minute, Eddie.

You're not backing out now.

She looks great, but you offered
me a deal, and I'm accepting it.

All right. All right.

Your old pal Eddie
didn't do so bad for you.

What are you doing?

I'm just checking to make sure

that you didn't paste
another picture over her name.

Would I do a thing like that?

Sure, you would.

Boy, never trust
anybody, do you?

Well, is it a deal then?

Sure. Okay.

Will you leave the book
here until tomorrow?

Sure. I'll see you, Sam.

Boy, oh, boy.

Okay. Okay.

Just a minute. I'll ask my mom.

Hey, Mom, can I buy a
half-interest in Gilbert's garter snake

for five cents?

The price certainly came down.

That's 'cause he's dead.

Beaver, I'm afraid
the answer is still no.

Ah, gee, Mom.

I'm sorry, Gilbert, but
my mom won't let me.

Yeah, okay.

Gee, thanks a lot, Gilbert.

He said I can have the
whole thing for nothing.

Now, Beaver, what
on earth would you do

with a dead garter snake?

I could scare girls
with it till it gets rotten.

I'm going to go downtown
for a while, Mom.

Do you have a date, Wally?

Kinda sorta.

How can you "kinda
sorta" have a date?

Well, I called this Gail

to make arrangements about
the dance Saturday night,

and she said her mother's taking
her in to town to do some shopping,

so I'm going to meet
her at the malt shop.

You know, to make
arrangements for the dance.

Wally, about changing
dates with Eddie...

Does the school approve of this?

Sure, Dad. They don't care.

They don't know about it.

Uh-huh.

Well, I'll see you guys later.

Bye, dear.

I still can't picture

Wally getting the
best of Eddie in a deal.

It just isn't natural.

Ward, Wally showed me the
picture of the girl in the yearbook.

She's really a very
lovely looking girl.

And since when does Eddie
pass up lovely looking girls?

Hi. Gail?

Uh-huh.

I'm Wally Cleaver.

Hello, Wally.

I'm sorry I'm so late.

I kinda missed a bus.

That's okay.

Would you like a
soda or something?

I don't think I'll have
time for anything.

Mother's going to pick
me up in a few minutes.

Oh, all right.

Maybe I'll have something later.

I guess they don't like it if
you don't order something.

Yeah, well, that's all right.

I didn't feel like drinking
any water anyway.

- You know...
- You know... I'm sorry.

No, go ahead.

It should be a pretty
good dance Saturday night.

We'll probably go with a
friend of mine, Eddie Haskell.

Oh. Eddie Haskell.

Yeah. Do you know him?

I met him once a few months ago.

Are you sure?

Eddie Haskell?

Yes. Blonde, rather thin.

I remember.

He borrowed a dollar
from one of the girls.

He said somebody
picked his pocket.

Yeah, I guess that was
Eddie Haskell, all right.

Why are you so surprised?

Oh, it's nothing.

And anyway, I figure...

Oh, Wally, I'm awfully
sorry, but that's my mother.

Oh, that's all right.

I'll call you Friday night

and tell you the exact time

I'll pick you up and everything.

That'll be fine.

Well, it was awfully
nice meeting you, Wally.

It was nice meeting you, too.

Well, good-bye, Wally.

Good-bye.

Wow! She's a giant.

Hello, Eddie.

How do you do, Mr. Cleaver?

I hope I'm not disturbing you,

but I would like to talk
to Wally for a minute.

He's not in just now, but
he should be back soon.

Won't you come in and wait?

Thank you.

How do you do, Mrs. Cleaver?

Hello, Eddie.

Won't you sit down and wait?

Thank you very much.

I certainly appreciate it.

It's nothing really.

I just stopped by to get that
book I left here yesterday.

Where'd Wally go?

Down to the malt shop.

He's meeting the girl he's
taking to the dance Saturday.

Oh?

Well, actually, I should
be running along.

If you have no
objections, Mrs. Cleaver,

I'll just run up
and get that book.

Of course not, Eddie.

Go ahead.

Thank you.

That's funny, Ward.

As soon as we said that Wally
was down meeting that girl,

Eddie wanted to get out of here.

Hey, squirt, where's that
book I left here yesterday?

What book?

You know, that yearbook.

What yearbook?

Look, kid,

don't start playing
Eliot Ness with me.

Where is it?

It's here someplace.

Wally, is that you?

Yeah, it's me, Dad.

Eddie Haskell's
waiting for you upstairs.

Oh, boy!

Wally, did you meet
your little girlfriend?

Yeah, I met my
little girlfriend.

She must be at
least nine feet tall.

Ward, Wally's pretty angry.

You don't suppose he'll go up
there and hurt Eddie, do you?

I don't know.

I think I'll wait
about half an hour,

then go up and check.

Go ahead, hit me.

Just try it. Just try it once.

Don't worry, Eddie. I'm
really going to belt you.

Wait a minute.

What's wrong with
discussing this?

Gosh, Eddie, don't be
a coward. Fight back.

I want to see you get killed.

Look, Sam, how was
I supposed to know

she was a couple of
feet taller than you?

You met her, didn't you?

All right. Suppose I did.

Suppose I did.

She could've grown
since then, couldn't she?

In two months?

Girls grow fast at this age.

Anyway, what about vitamins?

She could've been
taking vitamins.

Listen, I had a cousin once...

Look, Eddie,
you're going to get it,

and you're going
to get it right now.

Hello, boys.

Hello, Mrs. Cleaver.

Wally and I were just
discussing some schoolwork.

Yes, well, you go right ahead.

Wally, I really think

that we should
buckle down this year.

We have college
staring us in the face.

Yeah, sure, Eddie.

Well, I really have to be going.

Good-bye, Mrs. Cleaver.

Good-bye, Eddie.

Excuse me.

Wally, if there's any
way I can help you

on that big deal we
were talking about,

you let me know.

Gee, Mom, what did
you have to come in for?

Wally was just
going to clobber him.

Wally, what's this all about?

Well, Eddie stuck me
with this Gail Preston,

and when I went
down to meet her,

she turned out to be at
least a head taller than I am.

Oh, Wally.

You poor, sweet dear.

Gee, Mom, don't make
him feel any worse

than he already does.

Wally's so embarrassed.

That girl is four
inches taller than he is.

I knew I could count on Eddie.

Wally says he's just
not going to the dance.

Something about
the guys ribbing him.

How does he
expect to get out of it?

Maybe he'll try the
same kind of excuse

you used to use when
you wanted to ditch a girl.

I won't have my
son acting like that.

Hi.

I just came down
for a drink of water.

There's water upstairs.

Well, I'm not really thirsty.

I just wanted to hear what
you were talking about.

Never mind that, Beaver.

Would you tell Wally I'd
like to see him in the den?

Oh, sure, Dad.

What'll I tell him it's about?

Beaver, will you do as I ask?

Yes, sir.

What are you going
to say to Wally?

I'm just going
to level with him.

I'm going to tell him he
has to go to that dance

and have a good time
whether he likes it or not.

Gee, Dad, neither one of us
are going to have a good time.

Have you given any
thought to how she might feel

if you were to
call off the date?

But how are we
supposed to dance?

She's way taller than I am.

Well, Wally, I don't
think that's so serious.

Yeah, but, gee, when
you dance with a girl,

you're supposed
to look into her eyes.

I'll be looking into
her collarbone.

Wally, it's just one evening.

Yeah, but I don't want
all the guys kidding me

and hollering "Hey, Shorty,
where'd you get the beanpole?"

Well, Wally, I think
you're a little too old

for me to tell you
what to do about this.

I'm just going to leave it up
to your own good judgment.

Do you have to do that?

I think it's the adult way
of handling this, isn't it?

Yeah, I guess so,
but I'd much rather

have you tell me what to do.

Then if it's wrong,
I have an out.

How'd you make out?

Dear, when a father
talks to a teenager,

he never knows.

Well, honey, I
wouldn't worry about it.

I'm sure by the time
Saturday comes around,

Wally's going to be
looking forward to the dance,

and he'll have forgotten
all about the fact

that the girl's
taller than he is.

Hey, Wally, what
happened to your hair?

You look like one of those apes

that tries to act like a
person on television.

Nothing.

Your feet hurt, Wally?

Oh, I get it.

You're padding one end to
make the other end bigger.

Look, just mind your
own business, will you?

Gee, Wally, maybe it won't
be as bad as you think it will.

Of course it's going to be bad.

It's going to be murder.

I'm going to have to
dance every dance

with this big, tall girl.

Nobody else is going
to ask her to dance.

Boy, this is the worst thing
that's ever happened to me

since I got sick
in the school play.

Why don't you leave
the dance early?

What excuse am I going to give?

You want me to try and think
of one? I'm good at excuses.

Nah, it's no use.

Wally, at least there's
one thing... she is pretty.

Sure, but I'm never even
going to get to look at her face.

Hi, Wally.

This is Marjorie Muller.

Hi, Marjorie.

Hello. Where's your date, Wally?

I'm supposed to meet her here.

If she's late, Wally,
you can cut in on us.

Come on, Marjorie.

They're playing our song.

Hi, Wally.

Hello, Gail.

Gee, what happened?

I mean, you were a lot
bigger in the malt shop.

I just combed my hair
like this and wore flats.

Gee, that's great.

Oh, here. This is for you.

Oh, how pretty.

You know, Wally,
I have the feeling

we're going to have a
wonderful time tonight.

Gee, that's funny, 'cause
I have the same feeling.

Hello. Could I please
speak to Wally Cleaver?

This is his brother, and I have a
very important message for him.

- Hi, Wally.
- Hi, Lumpy.

Your brother's on the phone.

He says he has a
message for you.

My brother?

Yeah, go ahead.
I'll finish the dance.

No. Look, Lumpy,
would you do me a favor?

Would you ask him
what the message is?

Okay.

I wonder what your brother
would want at this time of night.

Gee, I don't know.

- Hey, Wally.
- Yeah?

Beaver says to tell you your
mother's flu is getting worse,

and she has a
temperature of 104.

What?

And he says to tell your
girl that you can't stay,

and you better get home
before things get any worse.

Okay, Lumpy. Thanks a lot.

I can get home all right, Wally.

Oh, no, it's okay. I can stay.

But what about your mother?

Oh, well, my brother's
probably exaggerating.

With 104 temperature?

Well, she gets these
things all the time.

It's nothing serious.

Nothing serious?

Well, no. I mean, she snaps
out of these things real fast.

She's real good
about stuff like that.

Wally, I'm surprised at you.

Look, Gail...

My mother's not really sick.

My kid brother's just
giving me an excuse

to leave the dance early.

Oh.

What I mean is,

well, if I wanted to
leave the dance early,

this way, I could
leave the dance early.

But I don't want to leave early.

You don't have
to explain, Wally.

I think I know just
what you mean.

You do?

Uh-huh.

Boy, that's something.

I never thought a girl
would ever understand me

in my whole life.

Hey, Gail. How about a dance?

Can't you see
I'm talking, Eddie?

Some pal. I'll never do
you any favors again.

Hey, Wally, your
brother called again.

Now he says your father's sick.

Okay. Thanks a lot, Lumpy.

Gee, Wally, aren't
you even worried?

Sure, I'm worried.

Can't you see how worried I am?

Ward, did you hear Wally
come in from the dance?

Yeah, I heard the front door
open and close by midnight.

When he came
upstairs, he was whistling.

I guess that's a good sign.

It was in my day.

I just bet he took my advice.

Just ignored the fact that
this girl towered over him,

and went ahead and
had a good time anyway.

You know, Ward,
once I went to a dance

with a boy that was about
three inches shorter than I was.

I solved the
problem very nicely.

I just wore my hair
down instead of up,

and instead of high
heels, I wore flats.

That was pretty
clever of you, dear.

But I'm afraid today,
teenagers are too sophisticated

to be that kind to each other.

Yes, I guess you're right.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA