Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 5, Episode 32 - The Yard Birds - full transcript

[Announcer] Starring...

and...

Tomorrow? Sure,
Eddie, I can make it.

We'll pick up Mary
Ellen and Cathy.

Yeah, Cathy'll go.

I spent half an hour convincing
her that you were really not a creep.

- Wally.
- Yeah, I've got
nothing else to do.

I'll see you first thing
in the morning. Bye.

Hi, Dad.

Son, I'm afraid you'll have
to cancel that date tomorrow.

Gee, how come, Dad?



Because tomorrow, you're
going to take care of something

you've been putting off
for the past two weekends.

Working in the yard.

Oh, but gee, Dad,
Eddie and all the guys...

Son, it's always Eddie
and the guys or the movies

or going to the beach
or some such excuse.

Now, I think I've been
patient long enough.

Tomorrow, you have a
date with a rake and a shovel.

[door opens] Yes, sir.

Okay, Richard.

Now, be here right after
breakfast so we can shove off early.

See you.

Hi, Dad.

Beaver, before you do
anything else tomorrow,



you're going to help your
brother clean up the yard.

Aw, gee, Dad, that
seems like a gyp.

All Richard has to
do around his house

is clean up his room
and carry out the trash.

Thanks for reminding me, Beaver.

You can go upstairs right
now and pick up your room.

And, Wally, you can
take out the trash.

Nice going, Beav.

I want you to do the
edging and the weeding,

rake all the leaves together,

then clean up the flower beds.

Yes, sir.

If you stick with it, you can
do it in a couple of hours.

You boys'll be on your
own. Your father and I have

some shopping to do downtown.

Then, after you
finish your yard work...

There's more?

Yes.

I want you to pile
all of the leaves

and clippings and
weeds together.

And put those cartons of trash
we have in the garage with them.

Then call Mr. Peck.

Oh, the hauling guy.

That's right. He'll haul
everything to the dump.

He'll be home until 1:00.

Now, that should
give you plenty of time.

Now, then, you want me to go over
everything you're supposed to do again?

No, thanks, Dad.

I feel bad enough
just hearing it once.

[knocking]

Oh, I'll get it.

Oh, hi, Eddie.

Come on, Sam, time's a-wasting.

Look, Eddie, I can't
go with you guys today.

I gotta work out in the yard.

Work in the yard? Oh,
come off it. We got...

Oh. Good morning,
Mr. and Mrs. Cleaver.

- Hello, Eddie.
- Morning, Eddie.

Well, if you have work to do,
Wallace, I don't want to interfere.

I was reading an article
in the paper the other day

where a certain amount of
responsibility around the home

is good character training.

Good-bye, Mr. and Mrs. Cleaver.

- Good-bye, Eddie.
- Bye, Eddie.

Can I talk to you
outside, Wally?

Okay, Eddie, what's up, huh?

Come on, Moe, drop the hoe.

Lumpy's out in the
car. We're ready to roll.

Look, I told you I can't.

I've got work to do.

Come on, Isabel.

You gonna let your mother
and father push you around?

Why don't you read
them the child labor law?

Hey, Eddie, isn't it
about the time of year

you're supposed
to shed your skin?

Huh?

Look, I'll be
through about 2:00.

Why don't you guys
come back then?

Okay, okay.

Oh, Beav, I'll be right down and
then we can get to work, okay?

Okay, Wally.

Beaver! Beav!

That's Richard.

So I hear.

Beaver!

Boy, the poor guy.

He walked all the way
over here from his house.

Fine. Now you walk all
the way out there in the yard

and tell him you have
to work this morning.

Yes, sir.

Ward, why do those boys do that?

Now, why didn't they
call up their friends

and tell them that
they had to work today?

Well, that's part
of the strategy.

You bring your friends in on
the scene to help you look sad.

That makes the parent
feel like more of a villain

and he's supposed to
crack under the pressure.

Oh. You seem to know
a great deal about this.

Oh, sure. I used to use it
all the time when I was a kid.

31, 32, 33, 34,
35... What's all this?

- 36...
- That's Beaver's idea, Dad.

He's keeping track of
how many times he rakes.

And I have to keep track
of how many weeds I pull.

What?

Yeah.

He wants to make sure
that when we trade off,

no guy does more
work than the other guy.

Well, are you sure
that keeping score

isn't harder than
doing the work?

At first he wanted
to count each leaf.

Well, you have a good start.

Looks very nice.

Now, Wally, don't forget
to call Mr. Peck by 1:00.

I won't, Dad.

Well, we'll see you, boys.

56, 57... So long,
Mom. So long, Dad.

58, 59, 60.

Boy, Beaver, there sure
are a lot of dead shoots, huh?

What made them croak, Wally?

Anything. Bugs, not
enough water, the sun.

Boy. I'm glad I'm
not a hunk of ivy.

Hey, Wally, look what I found.

That old baseball we
lost here last summer.

Well, let me see it.

Boy, is that lopsided.

Bet a guy could really
throw a curve with it.

Well, try it, Wally.

Okay.

Strike 2.

Strike 3, you're out.

Boy, Wally, I didn't know playing
catch could be so much fun.

Yeah, and you know
why it's so much fun?

Because we got
work to do, that's why.

Yeah. It's funny how working
always makes playing look so good.

Yeah. Now, let's get
at it and stay with it,

or we'll never
get it done, okay?

Okay.

And no more goofing off.

Yeah, no more goofing off.

Hey, Beav.

Oh, hi, Richard.

Come on, Beav, the
guys are down at the park.

I got stuff to do.

What kind of stuff,
balancing a rake?

No, I'm just doing this
while Wally's in the house.

Well, let me try. Bet I can
balance it better than you.

There's another rake over there.

All right, Beaver, cut
the horsing around.

We got work to do.

Well then, how come you
took so long in the house?

I had to get a drink of water.

Why should Beaver be working
when you're drinking water?

Look, Richard, why don't you just
go and get lost someplace, huh?

You can't make me.

This is as much Beaver's
yard as it is yours.

Look, Richard,
you're asking for it.

Go ahead. Hit me. I dare you.

I know karate.

Come over to the park
when you're done, Beav.

- Hey, Wally.
- What?

How come Beaver's
got an ape for a brother?

Boy, Beaver, I don't know
how you can stand that Richard.

He's the creepiest kid I know.

He's not so creepy
when I'm with him.

He just acts that
way around people.

Honey, before we go to lunch,

do you think you ought to call home
and see how the boys are doing?

No. This time I'm gonna leave
them completely on their own,

see how they make out.

All right.

I just hope they don't
try to burn the leaves

and start a fire or something.

Now, don't worry, dear.

I'll keep my ear
cocked for sirens

while I'm enjoying my lunch.

Hey, Wally.

How come Dad's throwing
away my old bow and arrow set?

It's no good anymore.

See? The bow's cracked.

Yeah, but I'll
bet it still works.

Yeah. Hey, it does
go pretty good.

Hey, Wally, look.

Put this old lamp
shade up on that carton.

We'll see if we
can knock it off.

Okay.

Hey, not bad, Beav.

Here, let me try.

Hey, Wally, I'll
play you a game.

When you hit the lamp
shade, you get five points,

and when you hit the
carton, you get two.

First guy who gets a
hundred points wins.

Okay.

Hello. May I speak
to Mr. Peck, please?

Well, what time do
you expect him back?

Not today?

Well, this is Wally Cleaver,

and my dad told me to call him
before 1:00 to haul some junk away.

What?

2:30?

Hey, Wally, it is 2:30.

Okay. Well, thanks anyway.

Boy, I don't get it being 2:30.

A half hour ago,
it was only 11:30.

Boy, Beaver, are we in for it.

All that junk out
there on the front lawn,

and now Mr. Peck isn't
around to haul it away.

Yeah. But that's what you
get, Wally, for goofing off.

I was goofing off?

You were goofing off.

Not any more than you were.

Okay, so we were
both goofing off.

This is no time to
get sore at each other.

Well, sure. Why should
we get sore at each other?

When Dad gets home, he's gonna
be sore enough for all three of us.

Boy, what a mess.

When Dad gets home,
he's gonna be real sore.

Hey, Wally, I got an idea.

Why don't we put all this
stuff back where we got it from?

You know something, Beaver?

You're not helping at all.

Okay, then I'll go to the park.

Oh, no you don't.

We're in this mess together.

[horn honks]

Well, come on, brother wolf.

We don't want to keep Little Red
Riding Hood and her friends waiting.

I can't go with you guys.

How come? We've been stalling
around all day waiting for you.

I can't help it, Lump.

We're all through working,
but I've got to do something

with this pile of junk.

Yeah. We were
supposed to get Mr. Peck,

the guy with the
truck, to haul it away.

But he's gone for the day.

Look, squirt, we're
having a summit meeting.

Just keep out of it.

Look, Wally, call him
tomorrow. Come on.

I can't, Lump. I gotta get
rid of this junk somehow.

Uh, look, how much was your
dad gonna pay this guy Peck

for hauling this stuff?

I don't know. I think the last
time we had a pile of junk like this,

he charged us about
five or six bucks.

Okay. Eddie Haskell
is never undersold.

I'll do it for three bucks.

What are you
talking about, Eddie?

You don't even have a car.

Yeah, Eddie, you
don't even have a...

Oh, no you don't.

No, fellows, please.

What are you
moaning about, Lump?

You're gonna get half the money.

But it's my car. And if I'm
gonna use it as a dump truck,

I ought to get all the money.

Well, okay, I'll only
take a buck and a half.

Boy, it'd sure get me
out of a spot, Lump.

Me too.

Well, don't stand
there. Let's start loading.

Boy, what a way to treat
a custom automobile.

Hey, Lumpy, what about all these old
newspapers and pop bottles on the floor?

We don't want to get your
junk mixed up with our junk.

Don't give me
any of your lip, kid.

Come on, men, step lively.

Hup, two, three, four.

Come on, let's
move along, let's go.

Get this stuff loaded.

All right, let's move along.

Hey, who says
Lumpy can't get a girl?

Hahaha.

Don't laugh, Lump. She's better
looking than the last date you had.

Yeah. Well, you know it wasn't
my idea to take out your cousin.

Well, I guess that
just about does it.

Hey, Eddie, how about
me and Wally going along?

Look, shrimp, the only reason
we'd take you to the dump

is to leave you there.

Yeah, they don't
have any room, Beav.

And anyway, we have to stay
around and pick up the tools and stuff.

Please, madam, no
necking with the driver.

Hahaha.

You know, Wally,
once in a while,

Eddie and Lumpy are
good for something after all.

Surprised?

Yeah. I'm really
pleased with those boys.

Wally?

Beaver?

Oh, hi, Dad. I just
got out of the shower.

Boys, your mother and
I just wanted to tell you

how happy we are with the yard.

It's beautiful.

Yeah, it's not bad for
a couple of brothers.

Well, you boys did a fine
job, and we appreciate it.

Thanks a lot, Dad.

You finish washing up,

and we'll see
you a little later.

Okay.

Ward, do you realize

that we've just passed
another milestone

with Wally and Beaver?

Yeah, I was just
thinking the same thing.

You know, this is the first
time I've given the boys

such a sizeable project to do

without me standing over them.

Or me continually
picking at them.

Yeah, exactly.

They carried the whole
project through without a hitch.

Those boys are getting more
like their father every day.

Oho.

Hey, Eddie, how come
you want me to stop here?

We're only halfway to the dump.

That's what I was thinking.

And with the price
of gas what it is,

and this vacant lot right here,

I'm asking myself,

"Is this trip necessary?"

Yeah. Yeah.

Women and children first.

Abandon ship.

Boys.

Yeah, Dad?

Would you come in a moment?

Fellas, I was just going to
write out a check for Mr. Peck.

Did he tell you how
much he was charging?

Well, not exactly, Dad.

You see...

Well, I think I forgot
to dry behind my ears.

Beav, you stay here.

Dad, Mr. Peck won't be
charging you anything.

Why not?

Well, because
Mr. Peck didn't do it.

You see, by the time we
got around to calling him,

it was 2:30, and he'd
already gone for the day.

Oh. Well, there must have been a
little more work than you expected, huh?

Yeah. And there was more goofing
around than we expected, too.

Well, someone hauled
away the leaves and the trash.

Well yeah, Dad. Lumpy and
Eddie did it in Lumpy's car.

Oh. Well, at least you got the job
done. That's the important thing.

Yeah, Dad, and they're
only gonna soak you $3.00.

Well, I don't mind
getting a bargain.

I think I have $3.00 on me.

Yeah.

Oh, thanks a lot, Dad.

[doorbell rings]

That's probably the guys now.

- Oh, hi, guys.
- Hey, Wally,
where's the loot?

Oh. Here it is right here.

Only 3 bucks?

That's all you asked for.

Yeah. What are you
squawking about?

Yeah, I know, but I thought your
pop would probably kick through with...

Oh, how do you do, Mr. Cleaver?

Thank you for the $3.00.

It was very generous, sir.

You're welcome, Eddie.

And thanks to you and
Clarence for the job you did.

Oh, it was our pleasure, sir.

When I saw the predicament
that Wallace and Theodore were in,

I felt it was my duty to
pitch in and lend a hand.

With my car.

Yes, Clarence, I'm
aware of your contribution.

Okay, Eddie, where's my half?

Come on. Another 50 cents.

But I haven't got any change.

I got some up in my room.

Okay. Let's go get it
now or I'll never get it.

Well, how's the news today?

Well, I started
to read the paper,

but I found that sewing
was much more restful.

[doorbell rings]

- Mr. Cleaver?
- Yes, I'm Mr. Cleaver.

My name is Mr. Hill.

Oh. Well, if it's about
magazine subscriptions,

I'm sorry, but I'm afraid we
have all we can read now.

Yes, evidently you have.

That's why I found these on my
vacant lot at 40th and Fairview.

Along with twigs,
branches, leaves, old tires,

a lamp shade,
garden hose... What?

If you're going to
dump your trash

on private property,
Mr. Cleaver,

I wouldn't include old magazines

with your name on them.

It's not exactly what
I'd call the perfect crime.

Mr. Hill, believe
me, I didn't do this.

You don't deny it's your trash.

No, I don't, and I have a pretty
good idea how it got there. I...

I assure you, it'll be cleaned
up first thing in the morning.

I'd appreciate that.

Oh, my wife, Mrs.
Cleaver. Mr. Hill.

How do you do?

Frankly, you people don't
look like the litterbug type.

Mr. Hill, I'm very
sorry about this,

and I assure you
it'll be taken care of.

Thank you.

Oh. You might start with these.

Oh.

- Hi, Dad.
- Back in the room, Beaver.

But gee, Dad, the big
guys just threw me out.

Never mind. You
come along with me.

Oh, Mr. Cleaver. Lumpy
and I were just leaving.

We don't want to
detain Wally any longer.

Just a minute, Eddie.
I want you to stay.

You, too, Clarence.

You boys know where
these magazines came from?

Well, I'll tell you
where they came from.

A man just brought
them to the door

and said he found
them on his vacant lot

over on Fairview Avenue,
along with all the rest of our trash.

You mean you guys
never went to the dump?

Clarence, I pleaded with
you, but no, you wouldn't listen.

Oh, sure you did.

Boy, I oughta
clobber both you guys.

Yeah, and they had their
feet on the bedspread too, Dad.

Never mind, boys.
I'll handle this.

Now, the first thing
in the morning,

I want you fellows to
go over to that vacant lot,

pick up everything
you left there,

and haul it to the dump.

Sir, I can understand
how maybe you would...

No alibis, Eddie, you
got this coming to you.

You're right, Wally.

And you're going along.

What?

That's telling him, Dad.

That's what he gets for
having such crummy friends.

And, Beaver, you're
going along to help, too.

We'll see you in
the morning, Wally.

Good-bye, Mr. Cleaver.

Good-bye.

But gee, Dad.

Me and Wally didn't know
they were gonna dump it

on anybody's vacant lot.

I know that, Beaver.

But I think in this case,

you can be called
accessories to the crime.

What does that mean?

I think that means that if we
hadn't goofed around all day,

then this whole mess
wouldn't have happened.

That's exactly what
it means, Wally.

So the next time,
you fellows just do

what you're told
when you're told.

And we'll all avoid
a lot of trouble.

But gee, Dad.

You always start out to do
what you're supposed to do,

but then all this neat
stuff comes along

and you always end up doing
what you're not supposed to do.

Well yeah, Dad.

You know how it is.

Sure I do.

I was your age once, and the
same kind of thing happened to me.

But it's still my
duty as a parent

to jump on you when
you do something like this.

Boy, it must be harder being
a father than it is being a kid.

That's a nice bit of
philosophy, Beav.

But we're still gonna have to help
clean up that vacant lot tomorrow.

I was wondering when
you boys'd get home.

Boy, what a job.

Did you get everything
cleaned off Mr. Hill's lot?

Yeah. We worked harder
over there than we did at home.

I'll bet I know why.

Eddie and Lumpy probably goofed
off, as you put it, the whole time.

Gee no, Mom. Lumpy and
Eddie didn't goof off once.

Well, maybe my little
talk did some good.

Yeah, and besides that,
that Mr. Hill stood over us

all the time we were working.

Boy, when we got to the
dump, that was really funny.

What happened there?

Well, after we dumped the stuff,

Lumpy couldn't
get his car started.

Yeah, so we all had to
get out and start pushing.

Yeah. Just then, this guy
from the city came along

and started blowing his top.

What for?

He saw Lumpy's
car, and he thought

we were trying to
steal it from the dump.

[laughing]

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA