Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 5, Episode 29 - Beaver's Typewriter - full transcript

[Announcer] Starring...

and...

Look at it, Beaver.
Isn't that neat?

Yeah, and look at
all the gadgets on it.

Yeah, and it says that
it's got a real bell on it

and those knobs
are genuine plastic.

Boy, "special student
offer, 10% discount."

Yeah. Hey, Gilbert,
are we students?

Sure, we go to school,
and if you got to school

that automatically
makes you a student.

Hey, listen to this.



"Survey shows that
students using typewriters

greatly imporve their grade."

Aw, how could just
having a typewriter

improve your grades?

'Cause even if you
got the wrong answers,

at least it comes out neat.

Boy, Beaver, you get a
special discount and everything.

Why don't you ask your
father to get you one?

I don't know.

Why don't you ask your
father to get you one?

I don't think I'd
better do that.

My father's been in a bad humor

for the last couple of years.

Oh.



Come on, Beav. Let's go
downstairs and ask your father.

I'll help you.

I'll stand there while
you're asking him.

No, I think I better
wait until you go home.

Listen, Beav,

you stand a better
chance of getting it

if you ask him in front of me.

How come?

Well, you know how fathers are.

If you ask them for
something alone,

they'll say, "What do you
think I am? Made of money?

Do you know what it costs
to run this house a month?"

But if there's
another guy around,

they don't want to act like
a cheapskate. Come on.

No, I think I'll wait
until you go home.

And it would really help me
with my school work, Dad.

Well, believe me, Beaver.

Anything that would help
your school work I'm all for,

but son, you don't even
know how to use a typewriter.

But you don't have
to, Dad. Look here.

It says you get a free
book of easy lessons

and anybody can
learn how to type.

Uh, son, do you remember

the clarinet you
kept after me to buy?

You were going to
take lessons on it.

As I recall, that lasted
exactly two weeks.

It hasn't been out
of the case since.

And how about the guitar?

Yeah, what ever
happened to that deal?

Wally, I bought it for you.

Oh, yeah.

You really went ape
over the guitar, Wally.

You were going to let your
sideburns grow and everything.

Yeah, I think that
was good for five days.

And what about
the ping-pong table?

You two were after your father

until he bought you
a ping-pong table,

and for three weeks,

it was nothing but
ping pong, ping pong.

And now it's out in the garage.

That's right.

Just something for
me to bark my shins on

when I squeeze into the car.

But gee, Dad, we still
use the ping-pong table.

Yeah, we stand it up on one
end and hang the dart board on it.

But you know, Ward,
I've been thinking

about that typewriter.

Beaver's getting older,

and he does stick
to things longer.

Well, I know, dear.

And I suppose a typewriter
might improve his grades

if he really stuck to it.

Gee, Beaver, I didn't
think you'd get it that quick.

Now, just a minute.

All I said was that I might
possibly be talked into it.

Oh, boy, Dad, what do I
have to say to talk you into it.

Well, you can start by promising
that you won't give up on it

like you did on the clarinet
and the other things.

Oh, I won't give up, Dad.

And I'll study every minute

until I can typewrite
with my eyes shut.

Well, I don't expect
miracles, Beaver,

but I am anxious for you to
learn as quickly as possible

so we can see that
improvement in your grades.

Thanks, Dad. Thanks a lot.

Hey, Wally, after supper

do you want to go out
and play some ping-pong?

Okay, I guess.

Well, ping-pong's
a neat game, Dad.

Beaver, I said I'd
get the typewritter.

You don't have to overdo it.

Well, there she is.

Oh, it's very nice.

Isn't it, Beaver.

Boy, Dad, it's really neat.

Now, you remember,
Beaver, this isn't a toy,

and it's not to be
treated as such.

Oh, and here are the lessons.

Gee, thanks, Dad.

And if you want any stuff
typed up for your office,

I'll do it tomorrow.

Well, Beaver, I'm sure
it isn't going to happen

as quickly as that.

It's going to take a lot of
work to learn how to type,

and you're going to
have to stick with it.

Well, yes, sir.

[doorbell]

I'll get it.

- Hi, Mr. Cleaver.
- Hello, Gilbert.

I came over to see if
Beaver got his typewriter yet.

Yeah, I brought it
home this evening.

Already?

Golly, Mr. Cleaver, you
sure are good to Beaver.

Well, I'm sure your father's
just as good to you, Gilbert.

Yeah, well, that's what
he's always telling me,

but I haven't noticed it.

Well, Beaver's
upstairs in his room.

Hi, Beav. I see you
got your new typewriter.

Yeah, I'm already
on the first lesson.

Boy, that's a neat one,

but how come there's
no letters on the keys?

Well, that's the first lesson.

You see, you
cover up all the keys

with these little
pieces of paper,

and then you look at this chart.

They call it the touch system.

Oh.

Hey, let me see
you type your name.

Okay.

B-E-A V-E-R.

[Gilbert] "Q-O-Y-X dollar
sign, question mark."

Yeah, I guess it takes
a little time to catch on.

Yeah, I wonder how come
they make learning so hard.

My piano teacher won't let me
look at the piano keys, either.

I don't know.

I guess if they
made it too easy,

the world would be
loaded with piano players

and guys who could type.

Yeah.

Hey, let me try to type my name.

Okay.

But don't wreck it.

G I L B-E R-T.

- Hi, Mom.
- Hi, Wally.

Wally, I'm curious.

You said you didn't have
any practice this week,

and yet you've been
coming home late

for the past four or five days.

Well, I've been getting
my homework done

before I come home.

Oh?

Yeah, with Beaver upstairs
pecking away at that typwriter,

it's sort of annoying.

It may be helping
his school work,

but it sure is ruining mine.

Well, Wally, it's
very nice of you

to let your brother
have the room to himself.

Sure, I figure I'll give
him a couple more days.

By then he'll be back
to writing with a pencil.

Oh, Wally, don't say that.

Your father and I are
so pleased with him

that he's working
this hard in his typing.

Okay, so he is doing a good job,

but he's still
just a little kid.

And pretty soon
that typewriter's

going to be right
back in the closet

with the clarinet.

Along with your guitar?

Yeah, I guess so.

Wally, look, why
don't you use the den?

Then you wouldn't have to
do your homework at school.

Oh, well, I...

I don't exactly do it at school.

The library?

Well, no, I...

Well, it's kind of quiet
over at Mary Ellen's,

so I do it over there.

Well, you know what I mean?

It's a lot easier for two people
to get the homework done

than it is for one.

Believe it or not, Wally,

it was the same way
when I went to high school.

Yeah.

Hi, Wally.

Oh, hi, Beav.

Hey, what are you doing?

My homework. I got to turn in
this composition by tomorrow.

Well, how come
you're not typing it?

Well, it's easier to
do it in longhand.

Boy, Beaver, Dad's
going to be sore at you

for conking out so soon.

I know, but it's going to
take me a million years

to learn how to type.

What can I do?

Well, you just
better keep at it.

Yeah.

Boy, I sure got myself
in a mess, didn't I?

Hi, chum.

Oh, hi, Eddie.

What do you say, buddy boy?

All right, how much
you want to borrow?

A buck.

I haven't got it.

Boy, what a crummy friend.

And after all I've done for you.

What have you ever done for me?

Look, when two
guys are buddy-buddy

they don't keep score.

[June] Wally?

Yeah, Mom?

Mary Ellen's on the phone.

I'll be right back, Eddie.

Watch the mush talk, lover boy.

Your pop might be
on the extension.

[laughs]

Well, look at the
squirt trying to type.

Don't bother me, Eddie. I
got to get this stuff done.

When? By the time
you get into college?

Oh, yeah, I can type
as good as you can.

Oh, knock it off, runt. Let
me show you something.

What are you trying to type?

This stuff here.

What did you do?
Write this with your feet?

Well, it says... I
can make it out.

Golly.

What are you so amazed about?

Well, you can
actually do something.

I thought you were only
good for being a wise guy.

Uh, look, short stuff,

do you have a dollar?

Yeah, I got a dollar.
What about it?

Well, how about me typing
this for you for a buck?

You type this?

That would be
cheating, wouldn't it?

Who's cheating? You
already got it written out.

All I'm going to do
is copy it for you.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Look, I'll even spell
some of the words wrong

so it'll look like a
little creep did it.

Well, gee, thanks, Eddie.

Eddie?

What if Wally comes back

and catches you
doing my typing for me?

Won't he be sore?

Relax. Your brother's
talking to Mary Ellen.

Takes that character
half an hour to say hello.

Did you want to
see me, Mr. Bailey?

Yes, Theodore.

Oh, here we are.

Now, the reason I
kept you after class

was to tell you how pleased I am

with the composition
you turned in.

As you can see, I gave you a B+.

Gee, thanks, Mr. Bailey.

I thought I might have done something
wrong without knowing about it.

No. Nothing of the kind.

As a matter of fact,
your composition was

very well written to begin with.

And the fact that
it's typewritten

shows that you're
taking a big step forward

in neatness and legibility.

Yes, sir.

I gather you have
your own typewriter?

Yes, sir, Mr. Bailey.

My dad bought it for me to
help me with my homework.

Well, say, I'm
pleased about that.

But I'm really not a
very good typewriter.

Well, I think you did
extremely well, Beaver.

There were a few minor mistakes,

but still, very good.

And now that you're
typing your assignments,

I think we're gonna lick
that neatness problem.

Yes, sir, Mr. Bailey, but...

I want you to take
this home with you.

I've added a note to let your
parents know how pleased I am

with your improvement, and to
thank them for their cooperation.

You keep up the good work.

Yes, sir. I hope I can.

I mean yes, sir.

Dear, what time are the
Rutherfords picking us up?

Should be soon. They said they
wanted to have an early dinner.

I just wish Beaver'd get home.

I'm sure there's
nothing to worry about.

It'll all be explained by the
phrase "goofing around."

Say, when you and Gwen
made this date to go out to dinner,

whose idea was it?

Oh, I don't know.

I think Gwen said that
Fred had been wanting

to ask us out for
dinner for a long time.

Does it make any
difference whose idea it was?

Well, no. Not really.

It's just that if
they're asking us out,

I hope Fred doesn't embarrass me

by not picking up the check.

Last time, it practically
curled up before he paid it.

Well, Beaver, it's about time.

Where have you been?

Oh, just goofing around.

What's this?

Oh, that's a note for you
and Dad from Mr. Bailey.

Well, you got a B+
on your composition.

Well, Beaver, that's fine.

And a note from Mr. Bailey

thanking us for
showing our interest

by getting Beaver a typewriter.

Well, son, I can see we
made a very wise investment.

- [car horn honks]
- Yeah, Dad, but...

Oh, Ward, Fred and
Gwen just drove up.

- Okay, dear.
- Beaver, look.

We're going out to dinner
and we won't be late.

- Okay, Mom.
- Good night, son.

Good night, Mom.
Good night, Dad.

Bye.

Come on, Beav, eat.

What's the matter with you?

I don't feel so good.

Yeah? Well, what's
the matter with you?

It's about that B+
I got in English.

Huh?

Now, don't tell me you
copied that composition

out of some book or something.

No, it was my work
and everything.

But I didn't type it.

You didn't?

No. Eddie Haskell
typed it for me

while you were on the phone,

and I gave him a
dollar for doing it.

Boy, Beaver, this is really
liable to get you in trouble.

This sounds like one of those

no-television-for-six-months
kind of messes.

It already has.

Mr. Bailey, well, he gave us

a whole big, long assignment
that's got to be in by tomorrow.

And if I don't typewrite it,

he's gonna start
asking questions.

Gee, Beaver, I sure
wish I could help you out,

but I gotta get on
over to Mary Ellen's

and get working on
my own homework.

Yeah. Boy, even studying with a
girl'd be better than the mess I'm in.

[doorbell rings]

Oh, hi, Gilbert.

Hi, Beav. Are your parents home?

No. Nobody's home except me.

Boy, Beav, that's neat.

Now I can watch you
type up your homework

without having anyone
tell me to beat it.

Yeah. Well, I'm
working in the den.

Hey, Gilbert, I gotta
tell you something.

You know that paper
I handed in today?

I didn't really type it. Eddie
Haskell typed it for me.

Eddie did it?

Boy, Beav, that's cheating.

Yeah, I know it is now.

But when Eddie was doing it,

it just seemed like a neat idea.

Yeah. It's funny how
neat ideas can go bad

when you start
thinking about them.

What are you gonna do tomorrow?

I don't know.

I guess I'm just gonna have to
write it in longhand and get yelled at.

[doorbell rings]

Somebody's at the door.

Yeah. Hey, if it's
a guy collecting,

tell him your dad
gives at the office.

Hiya, squirt. Is Wally home?

No, he's not. He went over
to do his homework with a girl.

And my mom and
dad went out to supper.

Well, well, well.

What are you and
Gilbert gonna do?

Form an ignorant club?

No, Eddie. We're just
gonna do our homework.

Okay, hand over that buck
and let me get busy here.

Uh-uh, Eddie. I don't
want to do it that way.

I'm gonna write it out.

Okay, okay.

But your teacher's gonna ask
you how come it's not typewritten.

And then he's gonna clobber you.

Well, it's better than
making a deal with you.

Who are you, the
Better Business Bureau?

Look, kid, what are you
gonna tell your teacher?

I don't know.

Don't strain, kid. Just tell
him the typewriter's busted.

But it's not.

It is now.

Let me see you try it.

Hey, Eddie, it is busted.

How'd you know what to do?

It's a gift.

You two creeps ought to
hang around and take notes.

Eddie, you didn't
really wreck it, did you?

Nah.

I just slipped this
little gizmo off.

Well, don't forget
me in your will, Sam.

[laughs]

Boy, Beav, do you
ever think we'll grow up

to be as smart as Eddie?

I asked my brother
that one time.

And he said if I
did, he'd croak me.

Yes, Mr. Bailey.

And I was rather disappointed

to see that you did your
assignment in longhand.

Yes, sir.

And with the usual
erasures and scratches,

it appears we're right
back where we started from.

Yeah, I know.

Typing your work was
such an improvement.

Did something happen
to your typewriter?

Well, yeah, sort of.

Well, are you trying to tell me
that your typewriter got broken?

Well, I'm not trying to tell you
that, but that's what happened.

You didn't drop it or anything.

Oh, no, sir. I didn't
drop it or anything.

It just doesn't work.

Well, as I understand,
it's a brand-new typewriter.

Seems rather odd.

Well, it just sort of sat
there and got broke.

Yes.

Well, I'm sure that it won't
be in the shop too long.

The shop?

The shop where you
took it to be repaired.

Oh. Oh, yeah, that shop.

Yes. I hope they fix it soon.

How long will it be before you're
typing your assignments again?

Well, I guess it's
gonna be quite a while.

Yes.

Well, Theodore,
I have to get back

to correcting these papers.

Yes, sir. I don't want to stop
you from doing your homework.

[door closes]

Oh, hi, Dad.

Hi.

Say, did you go to school,

or did you spend the day
building that sandwich?

Oh, I was just playing it safe.

Mother wasn't home, so I thought she
might have gone to one of those luncheons.

You know, where all
the mothers sit around

and eat those creepy
little sandwiches.

And then when they come home,
they don't feel much like cooking.

Oh. Well, you don't
have to worry about that

because your mother happened
to mention to me this morning

that she had to go to a Mothers
Club meeting at Beaver's school.

Mrs. Cleaver, I thought this was a
very worthwhile meeting, didn't you?

I felt we accomplished
a great deal.

Well, it's so nice to get
together with parents

and discuss our mutual problems.

It certainly is.

By the way, I was so sorry

to hear about
Theodore's typewriter.

What was that, Mr. Bailey?

Theodore's typewriter
being broken.

You know, he does so much better
when he types his assignments.

The typewriter's broken?

Didn't you know?

No. Beaver didn't
mention it to me.

Well, I'm sure it was just
an accident, Mrs. Cleaver.

Beaver's such a wonderful boy.

I'm so happy that you
could make the meeting.

Would you excuse me, please?

Oh, yes. And thank you.

[door opens]

[door closes]

Hey, what's this?

Looks like you're really
trying for a change.

Yeah, Wally, and I'm
gonna keep on trying

until I can type real good.

Hey, now you're wising up.

Yeah. I'm gonna make
up for all that crummy stuff.

Like saying the typewriter
was broken and all that junk.

What's this all about?

Gee, Wally. I'd
explain it to you,

but the way things
have been piling up,

I don't think I could even tell
it straight to my own brother.

Beaver's new
typewriter is broken?

That's what Beaver's English
teacher mentioned to me

at the Mothers Club meeting.

Well, that's strange. I was
upstairs just a few minutes ago

and I could have sworn I heard the
typewriter going in the boys' room.

Well, honey, I don't know.

Huh. I think this calls for a
little fatherly detective work.

[knocking]

Well, Beaver, I see the
typewriter's working okay.

Oh, yes, sir.

I heard it was broken.

Oh. Well, you see, Dad,

it was and it wasn't,
and now it isn't.

Oh?

Dad, would you like
to pull up a chair?

Well, yes.

And, Wally, maybe it'd be
better if you left the room.

Sure, Beav.

Well, Dad, first of
all, I want to start out

by telling you you
got a rat for a son.

Well, Beaver, I don't agree with
you, but why do you say that?

Well, you see, Dad,

a lot of creepy stuff
has been going on

and it all started when I let another
guy type my homework for me.

You didn't type
your own homework?

No, Dad. But
Mr. Bailey thought I did,

and then he gave me
this big, long assignment.

And I didn't want the
other guy to type it for me,

so I let him fix the machine

so I could tell
Mr. Bailey it was broken.

And then bad stuff kept
happening and happening.

And I'm gonna
practice real hard, Dad,

so I can typewrite anything.

Well, so I won't have
to feel like a little rat.

And now, if you want
to yell at me, it's okay.

Well, I think we'll leave
the punishing to Mr. Bailey.

But, Beaver, I'm not letting you
off the hook about this typewriter.

You're going to have to go through
with your promise to stick with it.

Yes, sir.

Oh, and, Dad?

Yes, Beaver?

Would you tell Wally he can
come back in the room now?

Sure.

Hey, Beav, you're
doing pretty good.

Yeah, Wally. It's a funny thing.

Typing's sort of
like working a yo-yo.

Or kicking a football.

You can practice and
practice and nothing happens,

then all of a sudden, it
just sort of comes to you.

Yeah. I guess the trouble is

a lot of guys give
up on stuff too soon.

Yeah. Wouldn't it be something

if a guy was learning
to play baseball

and then all of a sudden he quit

and he was really the
world's greatest home run hitter

and didn't even know it?

Yeah, that's something
to think about, all right.

Yeah.

You know, I think I'll
go get my bat and ball

and start to practice.

Oh no you don't, Beav.

You're gonna stick
with that typewriter.

Okay, Wally.

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