Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 5, Episode 2 - No Time for Babysitters - full transcript

Starring...

and...

Fine.

We'll see you then.

Bye.

- Hi.
- Hi.

That was Joanne
McBride on the phone.

She and Paul want us to
come over on Friday night.

They're having a few friends in.

Oh, any special reason?

Well, she didn't say so,



but I happen to know it's
their wedding anniversary.

Now, she shouldn't be like that.

Why should she be
ashamed of marrying Paul

just because he wears
those alligator shoes?

Oh, stop it.

No, Joanne didn't
mention the anniversary

because she doesn't want people

to feel obliged to bring gifts.

If I remember correctly,

you felt the same way
about our anniversary,

but everybody
showed up with a gift.

Well, Joanne knew about it,

and she got on the
phone, told the other girls.

Uh-huh.



So now you're supposed
to get on the phone

and call the other girls

and tell them it's
Joanne's anniversary, huh?

You know, somehow you're
making this whole operation

sound underhanded.

Sorry, dear.

Just the way it appears.

Hi, Mom.

Well, Wally, I thought
you had practice today.

We did, but they called it off.

Some wise guy filled
the football with water.

When the coach picked it up,

he blew his top

and sent everybody
to the lockers.

Now, who'd do a thing like that?

I don't know, but I think
it was Eddie Haskell

'cause he was laughing
before the coach picked it up.

How does that Eddie get
away with that kind of thing?

I don't think he did, Mom,

'cause when we
were all going home,

he was still taking
laps around the track.

Boy, Mom, that looks good.

Can I have dibs
on licking the bowl?

Wally, aren't you getting a
little old for that sort of thing?

Yeah. Yeah, I guess
that is kind of kid's stuff,

slopping up icing
with your finger.

I should think so.

Do you have a spoon?

There you go.

Thanks.

Wally, would you do me a favor?

Gee, Mom, I already put
on clean socks this morning.

No, I wondered if you'd mind
staying home with the Beaver

on Friday night.

You mean this Friday night?

Yes, your father and I are going
to be at the McBrides' all evening,

and we're afraid we
might get home late,

and we don't want to
leave Beaver here alone.

Gee, Mom, I already promised

to take this Susan
to a school dance

up at the lake.

Susan?

Yeah. Yeah, she's new.

We're going to go
with Eddie and his girl

and Lumpy and his girl.

Lumpy has a girl?

Yeah, only... only she doesn't
know she's getting Lumpy.

Oh, you mean it's a blind date?

Yeah, sort of.

Oh, what if she backs
out when she meets him?

We got it fixed

so that that won't
happen this time.

- Oh?
- Yeah.

Yeah, her father's going
to drive her up there,

and then we're not going
to introduce her to Lumpy

until after he
gets out of sight.

But, June, Beaver's
in the sixth grade now.

Don't you think he's old
enough to stay by himself?

No, Ward, I don't.

You know, we'll
probably be home late

and Wally's going to
a high-school dance.

Well, if you think he
needs a babysitter,

why don't you call Mrs. Pierson?

I did.

She's all booked up.

Oh.

Well, maybe... Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

Dad, some of the guys are going
over to the Piedmont Street Bridge.

Can I go with them?

We have something we'd like
to talk to you about first, Beaver.

June, excuse me a minute.

Why do you want to go over
to the Piedmont Street Bridge?

Oh, it's a neat place
to get your feet jiggled.

Get your feet jiggled?
What's all this?

You see, Dad, there's a lot
of loose boards in the bridge,

and the guys stand on them,

and then when the cars go by,

they get their feet jiggled.

What did you want to
talk to me about, Mom?

Oh, your father and I are
going to be out on Friday night.

Okay, can I go
to the bridge now?

Beaver, Wally's
going to be out, too.

Well, that'll be neat. Can
I go to the bridge now?

Beaver, I don't think
you quite understand.

You see, with your
mother and I going out

and with Wally having a date,

there will be no one
here to stay with you.

Oh, that's all right, Dad.

I can find plenty
of stuff to do.

That's not what
we were thinking of.

Oh, I bet you were
thinking of the old days

when I was a little kid

and you used to have
to hire a babysitter

every time you went out.

Well, Beaver, you know
we had a babysitter for Wally

until he was your age.

That's right, son.

Gee, how could
he face his friends?

Beaver, you see, when we go out,

we like to go with a free mind.

- Beaver!
- Hey, Beav!

There are the guys. Can I go?

All right, but you be
careful on that bridge.

Oh, sure, Dad.

Oh, and Mom, about Friday night,

you don't have to worry about
me getting killed or anything.

Only little kids are afraid
to stay by themselves.

Come on, Beav. Let's go.

You can go, can't you?

Yeah, but my dad
said to be real careful.

Boy, your mom and dad treat
you like you were a little baby.

They do not.

They do, too.

Oh, yeah?

What about Friday night?

What about it?

Me and Gilbert are
going to the show.

Yeah, and it's a real neat one.

It's all about these giant spiders
and snakes that eat people

and this mad scientist that
drinks blood and kills girls.

Yeah, well, that
sounds pretty neat.

You guys go ahead.
I'm going to stay home.

Stay home?

What's so great about that?

Nothing

except my mom and
my dad and my brother

are going to be gone
practically all night,

and I'm going to
stay home alone.

Like fun you are.

He'll be alone
with a babysitter.

Oh, yeah?

I'm not having any babysitter.

You are, too.

Yeah, well, if you
guys don't believe me,

come on over Friday
night and see for yourself.

Maybe we will.

Well, come ahead. I'll show you.

No babysitter.

What a liar.

Hey, Wally, who are you
going out with Friday night?

Oh, this girl named Susan.

She's a new girl.

Oh.

Would you do me a favor?

Sure, what?

Don't fight with her.

Now, why would I fight with her?

I don't know,

but girls are awfully
easy to fight with,

especially when you're a guy.

Oh, that's kid's stuff.

When you get grown up,
you don't fight with girls.

Never?

Well, I mean, you
don't fight with them

like pulling their hair

or throwing dirt on
them and stuff like that.

Well, gee, if you don't do that,

what's the fun of fighting?

Hey, Beaver.

What's all this
stuff about fighting?

Well, if you fight with her,

then you're liable
to come home...

like I saw in a movie once.

Rock Hudson had a
fight with Doris Day,

and he walked out on her,

and he said to his chauffer,

"I'm going home. Bring my car."

I wouldn't want you to do that.

Beaver, look, you can't just
walk out on a girl at a dance.

If you do, the principal
calls you in the next day

and hollers at you.

Oh, boy.

This means I get to
stay home all alone.

What's so great about
staying home alone?

Plenty. This will be the
first time in my whole life

I've ever stayed home alone

without a babysitter
spying on me.

Well, we could ask Chuckie's
mother from across the street

to look in on Beaver
from time to time.

You know, Ward, I just
couldn't enjoy myself

knowing the Beaver
was in the house alone.

You know, I can remember

when we used to take both
Wally and Beaver with us

when we couldn't
find a babysitter.

We'd carry them
into someone's house

in their pajamas,

and they'd wind up
asleep on the bed

among the guests'
coats and hats.

And then when we
were ready to leave,

you'd carry them ever
so gently out to the car.

Yep,

and they'd no more get in the
car and they were wide awake,

and they'd stay wide
awake all the way home,

and just as we
pulled in the driveway,

they'd both go back to sleep,

and I'd end up lugging
them upstairs to bed.

Never failed.

That and getting
sick on fishing trips.

Hm.

Well, honey, I don't think
the McBrides would appreciate

our bringing Beaver to their
wedding anniversary party.

Well, do you have
a line on anybody

to sit with him Friday night?

Well, Gwen Rutherford
gave me the name of a girl.

She's rather young,
but she's quite reliable.

You better phone her
before she gets away from us.

Well, all right, I'll call her,

but you're going to have
to break it to the Beaver

that we're getting a babysitter.

Oh, now, wait a minute.

I think you ought
to tell him about this.

Why?

You're so much better
with him when he cries.

Oh, thanks a lot.

- Hi, Mom.
- Hi.

How'd your sports
jacket turn out?

Pretty good.

It's beautiful.

Looks just like new.

Yeah.

You know, that Mr. Wilcox,
the dry cleaning guy,

he's kind of a kick.

He says that when
us guys bring in stuff,

he just throws them
in the teenage vat.

The teenage vat?

Yeah. He says
that's the vat he's got

for taking off chili, French
fries, and hamburger grease.

That Mr. Wilcox, he has
quite a sense of humor.

Yeah.

Oh, is the Beaver upstairs, Mom?

Yes, he is, but I'm afraid
he's not in a very good mood.

I just got through telling him

that we'd lined up Mrs.
Walker's niece Judy

to baby-sit with him tonight.

Golly, Mom, wasn't that kind of a
dirty trick to play on the Beaver?

Now, Wally, look.

You know we can't leave
the Beaver here alone.

He needs someone
to keep an eye on him.

Yeah, I guess so, Mom.

He might get wild and call
Tokyo on the phone or something.

Wally?

Maybe you could
explain it to him.

I guess I could try.

What have you told him so far?

I carefully explained it to him

that we were doing
this for his own good.

Boy, Mom, there's one thing
you never should've told him.

That we were doing
it for his own good?

Sure.

The minute a guy hears that,

he knows he's
getting a bum deal.

Beaver, would you
quit your moping?

It's not doing you any good.

Just leave me alone.

You're acting like you
never had a babysitter before.

I haven't, not since
I was a little kid.

And you know how
long ago that was?

About two months ago.

Guys my age grow old fast.

Look, stop kidding yourself.

Your whole trouble is
you're at the awkward age.

What's the awkward age?

That's when you're old
enough to do the right thing,

but you still have to be watched
to make sure that you do it.

Oh.

Boy, a guy my age
having a babysitter.

Look, I've been through it.

It's nothing to get
all shook up about.

Look, I used to
just make believe

the babysitter
wasn't even there.

I'd pretend she was a...

Well, she was a
lamp or something.

Okay.

I'll try to pretend
she's a lamp.

Sure.

Yeah, that's the idea.

That'll make you
feel a lot better.

- Wally?
- Yeah?

I'm going to feel awful creepy

when a lamp tells me
it's time to go to bed.

- Beaver.
- Yes, Mom?

There's someone here to see you.

Okay, Mom.

How do you boys
like school this year?

Oh, the same we
liked it last year.

Beaver, I'm fixing your
supper for you, honey.

Thank you, Mom.

You know what Rich and I
are going to do tonight, Beav?

No.

We're not going
to go to the movies.

Yeah, instead we're
coming over here.

Well, don't you guys
want to go see the spiders

and the guy who drinks
blood and kills girls?

Uh-uh.

We'd rather come over here

and see you staying
all by yourself,

wouldn't we, Rich?

And that way we can see

whether certain
guys have a babysitter

or certain guys don't
have a babysitter.

Well, you guys better
not come around

on account of I'm thinking
of going to bed early.

Oh, your babysitter
going to tuck you in?

Okay, guys, beat it.

Okay, we'll beat it,

but we'll see you later.

Yeah.

I'm all set to go, Mom.

Do you have enough money?

Yeah, I got some off Dad.

Oh, fine.

Anyway, us guys
have got an agreement

that we don't spend over
two and a quarter per couple.

Wally, what if the girls order
something more expensive?

Oh, they won't.

How can you be so sure?

Because when we
sit down, Lumpy says,

"Okay, we each got two
and a quarter to spend,

and that's it."

That Lumpy.

Yeah, that's why we
put up with the Lump.

We figure he saves us about
three or four bucks a day.

Hi, this is Judy Walker.

Hello, Judy. I'm Mrs. Cleaver.

I'm so happy you
could make it tonight.

Hello, Mrs. Cleaver.

And this is our
older boy, Wally.

Hi.

Hello.

Well, Wally, don't you
think you better be going?

Where?

To the dance.

Oh. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, well, I'll
see you guys later.

You, too, Judy.

Have fun.

Judy, I'll get Beaver down
and introduce him to you,

and then we'll have
to be going, too.

Beaver?

He's up in his room.

Yes, Dad.

Your babysitter's here.

I'll, uh, go up and get him.

Beaver's a little bit shy.

Lots of little fellows are.

Well, actually he's 12.

Beaver, the babysitter's here,

and your mother and
I are ready to leave.

Okay, good-bye.

Look, son.

I know how you feel,

but I want you to come down
and meet her before we go.

No, thank you, Dad.

She can just sit down
there, and I'll sit up here.

Oh, come on now.

The least you can do is let
her see what you look like.

There's a picture
of me in the den.

All right, son.

That's enough of that
nonsense. Let's go.

Oh, thank you, Judy.

Now, don't worry, Mrs. Cleaver.

I have two brothers
and a sister.

Well, here we are.

Judy, this is Beaver.

Hi, Beaver.

Hello.

Yes, well, I guess
we'd better be going.

We'll try not to be too late.

Don't you worry.

Beaver and I will
get along just fine.

Won't we, Beaver?

Beaver?

Beaver, if you want
to do something,

like play checkers
or anything like that,

I'll play with you.

Or if you want me to read
a story to you, I can do that.

Care for some candy?

Beaver, can't you
at least talk to me?

No, I can't talk to you

on account of you're a lamp.

I'm a what?

- A lamp.
- A lamp?

I guess I don't understand.

Well, if you're a lamp, then
you're not my babysitter.

Well, Beaver, I'm sorry,

but your folks hired
me to do this job.

Yeah, guess it's not your fault.

It's my mom and dad's fault.

Oh, I guess you think you're
too old to have a babysitter.

Way too old.

That's kids' stuff.

You know something, Beaver?

I think I know
exactly how you feel.

Oh, yeah?

How could a girl
know how a guy feels?

Girls sometimes think
they're old enough

to do thinks their
parents won't let them do,

like when I first
started junior high,

I wanted to wear lipstick.

My folks didn't think
I was old enough,

so I got real mad,

and I locked myself in my room,

and I cried and I
cried and I cried.

Boy, girls are sure goofy.

I know it sounds
goofy to you, Beaver,

but at that time it was
just as important to me

as this is to you.

- No fooling?
- Uh-huh.

And now, as I look back,

I can see how nutty I acted

when all the time my folks

were just trying to
do the right thing.

You understand?

Yeah, I understand,

but I don't want
to wear lipstick.

I just don't want to
have a babysitter.

Oh, boy, it's
Gilbert and Richard.

Friends of yours?

Yeah, but they're rats.

I'll go let them in.

No, Judy, don't.

But if they're
your friends, I...

Please don't, Judy.

Beaver, if it's just because
of me being your babysitter,

we'll just tell them the truth.

There's nothing for
you to be ashamed of.

They'll understand.
I know they will.

No, Judy, please don't
go to the door. Please.

Okay, Beaver.

You know, I just remembered

something you mother wanted
me to do for her in the kitchen.

I'll go take care of it.

What took you so long, Beav?

Wouldn't your babysitter
let you come to the door?

What are you guys looking for?

You know what
we're looking for. Her.

Well, look, I'm all alone here.

Look. Look at me put my
feet up there with my shoes on.

You think I'd do that
if anybody was here?

I do that all the time.

Yeah?

Then listen to this.

Go ahead. You guys
can yell if you want to.

See?

Maybe he is alone.

Sure, and if I wanted to,

I could stay up all night

and watch killer movies on TV.

Boy.

Hello?

Beaver, I just thought I'd call up
and see how you're getting along.

Okay. Good-bye.

Wait a minute, Beaver.

Let me talk to Judy.

Uh, she's not here.

Well, yes, my mother
went out with my father.

Beaver, this is your mother.

Uh, yeah, they're both
gone for the evening.

Beaver, now, why are
you acting like that?

Now, you get Judy
and let me talk to her.

Okay, I'll tell them
you called. Good-bye.

Who was that?

Just some lady who
wanted to talk to my mom.

You guys want to go and
watch a killer movie on TV?

Okay,

but first let's go in the kitchen
and get something to eat.

In the kitchen?
No, we better not.

Why not?

Well, 'cause there's
nothing in there to eat.

We ate it all up for supper.

Oh, yeah?

You always got junk
to eat. Come on, Gil.

No, you guys. Don't go in there.

How come you don't
want us to go in there?

Yeah, what are you
trying to hide in there?

I bet I know.

Me, too. Let's go.

No, you guys. Don't go in there.

You want to go home, Rich?

Yeah, let's go.

See ya, Beav.

Okay, see ya.

Boy, what a creepy kid.

He brings us all the
way over here for nothing.

Gee, thanks, Judy.

You're welcome, Beaver.

You're the nicest
girl I ever met

outside my mom.

Oh, gosh, my mom.

Well, you had us terribly upset.

We were just about
ready to leave.

Beaver.

Well, I called you right back

to tell you why I sort
of talked goofy before.

Me and Judy were
sort of playing a game,

and Richard and
Gilbert came over.

Only they were
sort of in the game,

but they didn't know it,

and that's why I said that
junk before when I said it.

Well, Beaver, you still
aren't making much sense.

Are you sure you're all right?

Oh, sure, Mom. I'm okay.

Well, let me speak to Judy.

She wants to speak to you.

- Mrs. Cleaver?
- Yes.

Everything's fine,

and I'll explain it all to
you when you get home.

Good-bye.

Well, Judy?

Yes, Beaver?

Would you mind playing
checkers with me?

I'd love to, Beaver.

You know something, Judy?

What?

Having a babysitter like you

almost makes me
wish I was a baby.

Thank you, Beaver.

What do you mean, "Why do
parents worry about their kids?"

That's part of the deal
about being parent.

Yeah, but they don't have
to worry about you so much.

Sure they do.

Suppose you got
killed or wrecked up

while they were out
having a good time?

Why, that would be
embarrassing for them.

Boy, Wally, when I
grow up and have kids,

well, I'm going to let them
do anything they want to do

all the time.

Oh, yeah?

Okay. Okay, suppose
you have this kid,

and you let him do
whatever he wants.

Now, he climbs up on
top of this big bridge.

Now, there he is. He's
hanging by one hand.

The wind's blowing. There's
all kinds of people yelling,

and it's 200 feet to the ground.

You know something, Wally?

You got me worried
about my kid already,

and I don't even have one yet.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA