Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 5, Episode 18 - Beaver's Long Night - full transcript

Starring...

and...

Is that you, dear? I'm in here.

June?

I'm in here, Ward.

June, where are you?

Honey, I'm right here.

Dear, I'm a little too
tired for hide-and-seek.

I was just cleaning off
that spot behind your desk.

Oh, yeah, that mysterious spot.

The one the boys said
just appeared on the rug



one night when no one was here.

Honey, little problem came up.

The Blakes invited us to
play bridge tomorrow night...

And you don't
have a thing to wear.

No, it's just that we agreed

the next time we went out,

Beaver was too old
to have a baby-sitter.

Won't Wally be here?

He has a basketball
game tomorrow night.

Oh, boy.

When we told Beaver

that we weren't going to hire
baby-sitters for him anymore,

I thought he was going to get it
in writing and have it notarized.

Ward, why do we
make promises like that?



Well, it's very simple.

It was the easiest
thing to do at the time.

Sorry, Lump, looks like
we're fresh out of cake.

What kind of gyp is this?

The deal was I'd drive you
home for a hunk of cake.

I thought we'd
have some left over.

Here, look.

I'll let you have an apple.

An apple's no hunk of cake.

Okay, take a banana, too.

Why don't you take
the whole bowl?

Don't start leaning
on me, Wally.

I'm even driving you to the
masquerade tomorrow night for nothing.

You never drive anybody
anywhere for nothing.

How come you're
giving me a break?

I'm charging Bill Scott double.

- Hi, Wally.
- Hi, Mom.

Hello, Mrs. Cleaver.

Wally insisted I have
a little something to eat.

Yes, well, that's
fine, Clarence.

You're always welcome.

Well, I was just leaving.

I'll pick you up tomorrow night
after the basketball game, Wally.

Wally, what's this
about tomorrow night?

I forgot to tell you, Mom.

After practice tomorrow night,

I'm going to a masquerade party
with Lumpy and some of the guys.

Oh.

What are you going
to wear, Wally?

I don't know.

I thought maybe I'd wear my
dad's old double-breasted tuxedo

and go as an undertaker.

Yeah, that'll be a gas.

I'm not too crazy about
this masquerade stuff.

I feel embarrassed enough
just going to parties as myself.

Yeah. Well, I better
be going home now.

Daddy's going to
help me with my math.

I don't really need the help,

but he gets such
a kick out of it.

Well, good-bye, Clarence.

Good-bye, Mrs. Cleaver.

What time will the
game be over tomorrow?

Real early. It's
not a regular game.

We're just playing the B team.

It won't take us long
to slaughter them.

I'll pick up Bill Scott first.

Then I'll come
around and get you,

but you be ready,

because once I get my heap
going, I don't like to stop her.

Okay, Lump.

All this junk still doesn't
add up to a hunk of cake.

I just don't think it's fair

to ask Wally to change his plans

and stay home with
Beaver tomorrow night.

After all, he has
his own life to lead.

Well, why don't I
call Mrs. Johnson?

Beaver'll make less of a
fuss about her than anybody.

Hi, boys.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

Hello, Mr. Cleaver,
Mrs. Cleaver.

Hello, boys.

June, I think the
answer to our problem

just walked in.

Beaver, how would
you like to have Gilbert

spend the night with
you tomorrow night?

Gee, Dad, that'd be neat.

Gilbert, do you think it would
be all right with your parents?

Oh, yes, Mrs. Cleaver.

My mother says she likes
to have me out of the house

over the weekend so
she can have company

without getting a headache.

Yes, well, you ask your
mother anyway, Gilbert.

You boys will be
all right, won't you?

Wally won't be home until late.

Don't worry, Mrs. Cleaver.

If I get hurt or anything, my
dad's got insurance on me.

Come on, Gilbert.

Let's go up to my
room and mess around.

June, Gilbert's always
talking about his parents.

Have you ever met them?

Oh, I see her at the
supermarket once in a while.

She seems like a very
calm, sensible person.

You can't really go by that.

You may look the
same way to her.

Hey, Wally, guess what.

Gilbert's going to spend
the night here tomorrow night.

Gilbert, you touch
my hair tonic,

and I'll clobber you.

Gee, Wally, I wouldn't touch it.

Sure, he wouldn't, Wally.

He's too young
to smell that good.

Wally leave yet?

Just left.

He's coming back after the game

to get dressed for
the masquerade,

and then Lumpy Rutherford's
going to pick him up.

Party's at Mary Ellen Rogers'.

Why a masquerade?

Mrs. Rogers read in one of
those women's magazines

that it was the kind of a party that
brought out the best in teenagers.

Let's just hope the
teenagers know it.

Hi, Gilbert. Come on in.

I would've been here sooner,
but my mother made me wait

while she ironed my pajamas.

At home, I sleep in my
summer camp T-shirt.

Beaver, Gilbert's
here, and we're leaving.

Hi, Gilbert.

Hey, have you
really been to Hawaii?

Nah. My sister went over there
last summer looking for a husband,

and this is all she
came back with.

Beaver, if you have to reach
us, we'll be at the Blakes'.

I left the phone
number on the desk,

and I left some refreshments
for you in the kitchen.

Yes, Mom.

You boys behave yourselves.

Oh, sure, Dad.

Me and Gilbert will
watch each other.

And you boys sleep in your room.

Wally will be in the guest room.

Okay, Mom.

Have a lot of fun.

Bye. Be good now.

We'll be back early.

Good-bye, Mom, good-bye, Dad.

What do you want
to do first, Gilbert?

Let's mess around with
your brother's hair tonic.

But he told us not to.

Yeah. That's why let's do it.

No. Let's eat the refreshments,

and then watch television.

Okay. Let's watch some murders.

Do your parents let you
watch murders on TV?

They let me watch
anything as long as I'm quiet.

Boy, that's the dullest
movie I've ever seen.

Me, too.

It was kind of neat in
the beginning though,

when those two gangsters drove
up in front of the apartment house,

and they were waiting
for that guy to come out

so they could croak him.

Yeah. It was real spooky
when they were sitting there

with the machine guns and the
stockings pulled over their faces.

Yeah, and when they were
sure nobody was around,

they sneaked up
to the house and...

Beav, is the back door locked?

Yeah, I think so.

Why, Gilbert?

You're not scared, are you?

No. Are you?

Course not.

Now let's turn the
television back on

and watch the guy
who gives the weather.

He's no good.

Yeah, but at least
he doesn't scare you.

Hey, Gilbert, come here.

Look.

It's just a car.

Yeah, but it's going real slow.

Yeah, and there
are two big guys in it.

Now they're stopping.

Hey, they're
putting out the lights.

Gilbert, look out and
see if they got guns.

Not me. You look out
and see if they've got guns.

It's your house.

Hey, Lumpy, you
think Wally's home yet?

No, we're early.

The game isn't even over yet.

Maybe we ought to go
ring the front doorbell.

His parents might answer.

What's the use of talking to
grownups if you don't have to?

Yeah. They're all
the time being polite

so they can find out
what you're up to.

Hey, Bill, do I look like one of
them tough waterfront guys?

No. You don't look
much worse than usual.

Hey, how about this then?

Hey, that's great.

Why don't you wear that
when Wally comes home,

and we'll scare the
socks off of him?

Yeah. He'll flip.

I wonder if they're
still out there.

I don't hear anything.

Beav, we got to do something.

What can we do?

We could yell.

I can't. I don't think
anything would come out.

Let's call the police.

Gee, the police
wouldn't listen to a kid.

Yeah. Hey, I know.

You could make your
voice sound real mad,

and then, they'll
think you're a father.

Yeah.

Hello, operator, this
is a father talking,

and I want the police.

Just a minute.

She wants to know
if it's an emergency.

Of course it is, Beav.

We could get
killed or something.

Yes, ma'am, it's an emergency.

Hello, police station?

You see, there's a suspicious-looking
car out in front of our house,

with two men in it.

Me?

Mr. Cleaver.

Yes, sir. Our address?

211 Pine Street.

Yes, sir. They got masks on,

and they turned out
their lights and everything.

We've never seen them before.

Yes, sir. Okay. Good-bye, sir.

They're coming.

Good. Come on, Beav.

I'll help you move the
piano in front of the door.

Okay.

We don't have a piano.

Hey, Lump, you don't suppose
Wally's already home, do you?

No. If he was, he'd be upstairs
changing into his costume.

There's no light
on up in his room.

Hey, Beav, one of the
guys is casing the house.

Golly.

Maybe it's the police
saying they can't come.

They got to come.

They get bawled out if
they let a guy get killed.

Hello.

Oh, hi, Wally.

Boy, am I glad you called.

Look, Beaver, I haven't
got time to talk now.

I'm plenty late as it is.

But, you see, Wally,
me and Gilbert...

Beaver, just keep
still and listen.

If Lumpy comes by, you
just tell him to wait, okay?

I'm on my way home.

But Wally...

That was my brother, and
he said Lumpy's coming over.

Maybe he'll scare them away.

He looks like a man.

From the back, he
does, but from the front,

he just looks like a stupid kid.

Hey, Beav, the police are here.

Boy, just in time, too.

Boy, wasn't it neat the way
the police grabbed those crooks?

Yeah, but it would've been
neater if they'd started shooting.

Yeah.

Wait till we tell the guys
at school what we've done.

Yeah, and my mom and dad were
worried about us staying home alone.

Hey, Gilbert, what's
the matter with you?

Oh, nothing.

But you keep looking
out the window.

You know how crooks are.

What if they escape from
jail and come back here?

Why would they do that?

To rub us out for
squealing on them.

But how would they know
we squealed on them?

They might come back
and rub out the whole block

just to make sure
they got the right guys.

Cut it out, Gilbert.

You saw the police
take them away.

There's nothing to be scared of.

Yeah, I guess so.

Come on, let's play the game.

Okay.

Uh-oh.

Hey, Beav.

Beav.

Hi, Wally.

Hey, what are you
crazy guys doing?

Just goofing around.

We thought it'd be fun to hide

when you came in.

Hey, has Lumpy showed up yet?

No, Wally, but there were
two guys out in the car...

Lumpy's going to
have Bill with him.

We're going to a masquerade.

Yeah. So me and
Gilbert called the...

Masquerade?

That's where they wear
funny clothes and masks

and stuff, isn't it?

Sure, it is.

Yeah, but Lumpy has a
black car, doesn't he, Wally?

He did, but last week,
we painted it gray.

But there are a couple
of fenders missing off

Lumpy's car,
aren't there, Wally?

Not anymore. That's how
come we painted the car.

Lumpy couldn't find
anything but gray fenders

up at the dump.

What's eating you guys?

Oh, nothing, Wally.

But I think we better
go to bed, Gilbert.

Yeah, all of a sudden, I'm
a lot sleepier than I thought.

Yeah.

Just a minute, you guys.

Night, Wally.

Good night, Wally.

Now wait a minute.

How come you guys
are acting so funny?

Nothing. We're just little kids.

Come on, you guys.

There's something fishy
going on around here,

and I want to know what it is.

Beaver!

Maybe we ought to tell him
what we did to Lumpy and Bill.

- No, Beav, you can't.
- Why not?

What are you going to say?

"Wally, we just had the police
throw your two friends in jail"?

Yeah. I guess it's
not as good an idea

as I thought it was.

Beaver.

Hey, Beaver.

Go away, Wally, we're asleep.

Hello, Mrs. Haskell.

Hi. Has Eddie gone
to the masquerade yet?

Okay. Thanks a lot.

Hi, Eddie.

Lump never showed
up. You know how he is.

Hey, look, can you
get your pop's car,

and come on over and pick me up?

What do you mean, no?

You didn't get invited to
Mary Ellen's masquerade, huh?

I told you not to wave your
dead frog at her in Biology.

Nah, it's getting pretty late.

I'm kind of tired
after the game.

Think I'll just forget
about the party

and hit the sack.

Okay. I'll see you.

All's quiet on the home front.

"Didn't go to the
masquerade. Went to bed.

"Beaver and Gilbert in bed.

"Yours truly, Wally.

We skunked the B team."

I guess Beaver and Gilbert
must've behaved themselves.

The lamps are all
intact, no broken chairs.

No root beer on the ceiling.

I'm sure the boys
got along fine.

It's a wonderful feeling
knowing we can go away

and not worry about the Beaver.

Yeah. It appears we've
passed another milestone

in our young son's life.

I wonder who that could
be at this time of night.

Hello.

Oh, hi, Fred. It's
Fred Rutherford.

All right, Ward, what are
you trying to do to my lad?

What am I trying
to do to your lad?

What are you talking about?

You know perfectly well
what I'm talking about.

The police told
me you called them.

The police?

Look, Fred, I just
came in the front door.

I haven't the faintest idea...

Ward, if you object to my
boy coming around your house,

you can call me direct,
not sic the law on him.

Why don't you go over there
and punch him in the nose, Daddy?

Clarence, I told
you to go to bed.

But, Daddy,

I'm the one they hauled
off to the police station.

And I'm the one who
came down and got you out.

Now go to bed.

For doing nothing?

Go to bed, you big boob!

Yes, Daddy.

Ward, this comes
as quite a blow to me,

friendship-wise.

Fred, would you mind
telling me what happened?

Come now, Ward, old man.
You know what happened.

Clarence was parked
in front of your house,

and the police came
along and picked him up

on a complaint
from a Mr. Cleaver.

A Mr. Cleaver?

Yes, Cleaver.

C-L-E-A-V-E-R.

All right, we'll concede that,

but how could they arrest him

for an unsubstantiated
complaint?

Well, it just
happened at the time

that Clarence was parked
on the wrong side of the street,

and didn't happen to have
his driver's license with him,

and was wearing a
rather hideous mask.

But that's beside the point.

The thing that bothers me most

is that you, whom I
consider my closest friend,

would turn on my lad this way.

Yes, Fred.

Yes, Fred.

All right. Good-bye.

Ward, what's this
all about Clarence?

It seems the police
picked Clarence up tonight,

and somehow, Fred
thinks it's my fault.

Oh.

Wally didn't go to
the masquerade.

Do you suppose he'd
know anything about this?

I don't think Wally would
do a thing like this to Lumpy.

Still, there are a lot of
fellows in the penitentiary

who started out as
sweet, quiet little boys.

Ward.

Wally.

Wally!

Huh?

Wally, wake up.

I want to talk to you.

Gee, Dad, what do you want?

Wally, do you know anything
about Lumpy being arrested tonight?

Lumpy arrested?

Gee, Dad, is this
some kind of a joke?

That's what we're
trying to find out.

You didn't phone
the police, then, huh?

Golly, no.

I was ready to clobber the
guy when he didn't show up,

but I wouldn't call
the police on him.

Somebody phoned them from here.

And Mr. Rutherford
is terribly upset.

Have you any idea
who it might have been,

or who might know what happened?

Yeah, I think so.

You mean you think it
might be your brother Beaver?

Well, yeah, that was the brother

that I was thinking of.

Ward, can't it
wait until morning?

After all, it's a shame to wake Beaver
and Gilbert up out of a sound sleep.

No, it's too important
to wait, dear.

Anyway, under the circumstances,

I doubt very much that
they're sleeping soundly.

Come on, dear.

I'm sure that was my mom
and dad who came in before.

And somebody came up the stairs.

And now, they're
walking this way,

and they're not walking happy.

Let's pretend we're asleep.

My mom never lets my dad
hit me when I'm sleeping.

Okay.

Boys.

Yes, Dad?

Well, I see you boys
are still wide awake.

Yes, I was just going
to sleep, Mr. Cleaver.

Me, too, Dad.

Your father wants
to talk to you.

Boys, what do you
know about the police

taking Lumpy to
the police station?

- Nothing.
- We called them.

Just what was your
idea in doing that?

Well, you see, Dad,

Lumpy and that other guy,
they drove up in that car,

and they had masks on
for the masquerade party,

and we'd been watching a
really spooky movie on television,

so we figured they
were gangsters,

and they were going to croak us,

and so, we called the police.

And you used my name.

Yeah, and it worked
pretty good, Mr. Cleaver.

They came whizzing
right out here.

Yes, well, boys, I can
certainly understand

your being frightened.

And it's better to
be safe than sorry.

But the next time,

it would help if you
determine the facts

before you jump to conclusions.

Mr. Rutherford
was terribly upset.

How about Mr. Scott?

Mr. Scott?

Bill's father.

I guess they took him away, too.

Well, that's another phone
call I can look forward to.

Dad.

Yes, Beaver.

Did you and Mom have a good time

at the party?

Yes, Beaver, we had
a very fine evening.

Boys, I think you'd better
be getting some sleep.

Honey, I think we can talk
further about this in the morning.

I think my mom wants
me home for breakfast.

Well, fine, Gilbert.

Now then, you two
fellas get on to bed,

and no more noise, huh?

Good night.

Good night, Mom.
Good night, Dad.

Night, Mr. and Mrs. Cleaver.

Good night.

Boy, Beav, this is the
last time I'm staying

all night at your creepy house.

Yeah?

Yeah. If I wanted to
get in this much trouble,

I could've stayed home.

Boy, Beaver, you
really look sad.

You'd look sad, too,

if you spent the whole
morning apologizing.

Apologizing?

Sure.

First I had to apologize
to Mr. Rutherford,

and then to Lumpy.

Then I had to apologize
to Mr. Scott and Bill.

- You didn't cry, did you?
- No.

Last year, I would've cried.

But now I figured I was too
old for that sort of stuff to work.

If you're all
through apologizing,

how come you're still moping?

I'm afraid next time
Mom and Dad go out,

they'll want me to go back
to having a baby-sitter again,

on account of I goofed stuff up.

Yeah. It was
pretty bad, all right.

But I'll bet you in about
20 or 30 years from now,

everybody will be
laughing about it.

What do you mean?

Well, when you get
grown up and have kids

and get married,
Dad's going to say,

"Hey, remember the time
that Beaver and Gilbert

called the police on Lumpy?"

Then Mom will
explain all about it,

and then everybody will
get a big laugh out of it.

Everybody?

Well, sure.

It's going to be
really funny then.

Boy, my kids are sure
going to think they have

a real nut for a father.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA