Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 5, Episode 16 - Beaver, the Bunny - full transcript

Starring...

and...

Is that you, dear?

Hi.

Well, this is quite
a batch of mail

for its not being the
first of the month.

I've been so busy
doing some sewing,

I haven't had a
chance to go through it.

What do you think of it?

Very becoming.

"Dear Mr. Cleaver,



"One of your close,
personal friends

recommended that
we contact you."

Too bad my close,
personal friend

couldn't spell my name right.

Honey, this is the top.

You think it does
anything for me?

Good gosh, what is that?

It's Beaver's costume
for the school pageant.

Dear, I guarantee you,

no one will talk my
son into wearing that.

Sorry, dear. They already have.

Look, Beaver,
cut it out, will you?

It's your own fault.

You had to go and
volunteer to be the bunny.



I didn't volunteer to
be a crummy bunny.

I wanted to be a zebra or a
snake or something like that.

But I was at the
end of the line,

and by the time they got to me,

all the good things
were taken up.

Look, don't you
think you're a little old

to be going around playing
some kind of an animal?

That's what me and
Gilbert told Miss Lawrence.

But she gave us
a whole big speech

about not letting Grant
Avenue School down,

and about having school spirit.

Yeah, I know how it is.

When they start bringing
school spirit into it,

you know you're
in for a rough time.

Some of the other guys
get to be pretty neat animals.

They get to roar and growl
and bark and everything.

But what can a
miserable rabbit do?

Well, you can sit there and
wiggle your pink little nose.

Look, Beav, by tomorrow night,

the whole thing's
going to be over with,

and Mom and Dad are
going to be so happy

that you were a
cute little bunny

that they'll probably take you
out for a soda or something.

Yeah.

But on top of everything else,

we got to put our
costumes on at home.

Wouldn't it look neat, a
rabbit sitting on a stool,

sipping on a strawberry soda?

Okay. Okay, so the whole
thing's going to be a mess.

But you don't want to go and spoil
Mom and Dad's evening, do you?

How could I spoil their evening?

Look at the charge
they're going to get out of it

when Miss Lawrence and some of
the mothers come up to them and say,

"Why, I thought
Beaver was just lovely

as a little bunny rabbit."

Yeech!

Boy, if they do that,

I'm going to croak right
there in my bunny suit.

Okay, but look, it's
getting pretty late.

Why don't you go in and take
a shower and hop off to bed?

- Wally.
- Yeah.

Did you have to say "hop"?

Okay, I'm sorry.

Well, Beaver, come on, hurry
up. You're going to be late.

Gee, Mom, I don't think I
should go to school today.

What?

Yeah. You see, I'm sorta sick.

Just how sick are you, Beaver?

Oh, I'm not
calling-the-doctor sick.

I just sorta got a
headache all over.

You're sure you're not
suffering from bunny fever.

Yeah, Dad.

Boy, that's what it is.

Everybody's going to laugh at me

in that crazy bunny suit.

Oh, Beaver, it's not that bad.

Look, Beaver, I
know how you feel.

But believe me,

the whole school isn't interested
in you and your bunny suit.

Sure, they are, Dad.

I'm going to be the
funniest-looking kid

in the whole pageant
in that crazy bunny suit.

Look, Beaver, you're
worried about nothing.

With all those creepy costumes,

the laughs are going to
be pretty well divided up.

Wally.

Sorry. Just trying to help.

Beaver, don't be self-conscious.

No one's going to notice
you or laugh at you.

Hey, Bunny Boy!

Hey, let's go, Cottontail.

Oh, boy.

Now, Beaver, you just
keep your sense of humor

and everything
will be all right.

Hey, Floppy!

Want me to go out
and tell him to beat it?

No, it's okay, Wally.

Come on.

Now here's your costume.

Be sure and bring it
home after rehearsal.

Yes, Mom.

Have a good day, son.

Yes, sir.

Hey, Beaver, how's it going?

All right. Why shouldn't it be?

I don't know. We thought by now,

maybe you'd be ready to
kill yourself or something.

Listen, Richard, just because
you're playing a zebra,

don't act like such a big shot.

I just think it's terrible,

ridiculing him
because he's a rabbit.

Boys can be so mean.

Gee, Mom, if you really
felt sorry for the Beaver,

how come you went and put all
those carrot sticks in his lunch?

And don't you say anything.

Beaver's going to do just fine,

and it's going to
be a lovely program.

Mm-hmm.

I just hope I can
convince myself of that

when my son's up there
making a fool of himself.

Bye.

Oh, hi, Mom.

Hi.

Hey, Mom, is it okay
if we eat early tonight?

Some of the guys have
got something cooked up

for after dinner, and I'm going.

Wally, you can't
do any such thing.

You know we're all
planning to see Beaver

in the school pageant tonight.

Gee, Mom, do I have to go?

Of course you do.

Beaver's your brother.

He sees things you're in.

Yeah, but somehow, I
get the bum end of the deal.

He gets to go see a track meet

or a basketball
game or something.

All I get to see is
a stale old pageant.

Wally, look, we're in enough
trouble with the Beaver.

I'd appreciate it

if you wouldn't make
the situation any worse.

Okay, Mom.

Wally.

What did your friends
have planned for tonight?

All of us were just
going over to Mary Ellen's

to listen to some records.

She was real lucky.

She won three brand-new
albums of records

from a disc jockey.

She was lucky, all right.

How'd she win them?

She won them by being
home when the guy called.

Oh.

Wally, you could go
over to Mary Ellen's

after the pageant.

But I do think we
all ought to be there

and give Beaver our support.

You think he's going to
be that bad, huh, Mom?

Is that you, Beaver?

Yes, Mom, it's me.

How'd dress rehearsal go?

Okay, I guess.

Miss Lawrence got mad
and called the whole thing off.

She called the whole thing off?

It's okay, Mom. She called
it off three times yesterday.

Who was goofing off today?

First Penny, she's a butterfly.

One of her wings fell off.

And then Richard, he's a zebra,

and Whitey, he's a leopard,

got in a fight and
wrecked each other.

Well, how did you make out?

Okay, I guess.

Gilbert, he's the kangaroo.

He pulled my tail, so I
punched him in the pouch.

After that, the other
animals left me alone.

Oh, and Mom.

We're supposed to be
there 45 minutes early,

and in our costumes.

Yes, your father and I
planned to get you there early.

You better scoot
upstairs and get your bath.

Gee, Mom, do I
got to take a bath?

When I put my bunny suit on,

my face is going to be
the only thing that shows.

Beaver, you're going
to take a real bath.

Sure, Beaver.

You're playing a
bunny, not a pig.

Aaah!

Wally, why couldn't
you have said something

nice or encouraging
to your brother?

Gee, Mom, if I would have
said something nice to him

about being a bunny,

he would have just thought I
was giving him the business.

Hello.

Dear, I'm going to be stuck
down here at the office for a while.

Honey, do you know how
long you're going to be?

We're supposed to have Beaver
at the school 45 minutes early.

I'll tell you, to play safe,

I think you better get someone
else to take him to school.

Then we'll join him later.

All right, honey.

I'll see if I can get
Gilbert or Whitey's mother

to take him.

You get home as soon as you can.

Bye.

Wally, you and Beaver better
sit down and start your dinner.

Your father's going to be late

and I have to get
a ride for Beaver.

Maybe he could ride
over with Lumpy and me.

Lumpy's going to the pageant?

Yeah. I told him if he didn't
ride me over to the pageant,

I wouldn't let him ride me
over to Mary Ellen's later.

You tell Clarence that your
mother will certainly appreciate it.

I don't think I
better tell him that.

If he knows he's
doing it for a grownup,

he's liable to charge you
as much as a taxi fleet.

Hello, Lumpy. Hey, look.

Why don't you pick
me up a little early, huh?

Yeah, yeah. Right about now.

'Cause we're taking
my kid brother with us.

What do you mean,
having a kid along

is going to slow you down?

Okay.

I'll see you in a
few minutes then.

What did Clarence mean,

saying Beaver
would slow him down?

Oh, well, um... I think
he just meant that

if you put three
people in the car,

then it won't go so fast.

Yes, I'm sure that's
what Clarence meant.

Beaver.

Will you be ready soon?

Yeah, Mom, in a minute.

I just had to
straighten my ears.

Oh, Beaver, you look so sweet.

Turn around.

Want me to put a
little makeup on you?

Gee, no, Mom.

It's bad enough being a rabbit

without being a sissy rabbit.

Honey, your father and I will
be there just as soon as we can.

Hey, Beaver,
Lumpy's here. Let's go.

You go ahead, honey.
I'll be right down.

Yes, Mom.

Hey, Lumpy, we were
all supposed to wear ties.

I got one in the car.

I figure there's no
use looking like a snob

until you have to.

Is this what I have
to haul to school?

Cut it out, Lumpy.

Eh, what's up, doc?

Cut it out, huh, Lumpy.

Beaver in a bunny suit.

The only thing that
would be funnier

would be a bunny
in a beaver suit.

That's pretty
good, isn't it, Wally?

Let's go.

Hey, Mom, we're going.

All right.

Clarence, thanks ever so much.

It's very nice of
you to take Beaver.

I was very happy
to, Mrs. Cleaver.

And he certainly looks
stunning in his outfit.

Beaver, you give a
good performance,

and your father
and I will be there

in plenty of time to see you.

Yes, Mom.

Do you want to ride,

or do you want to hop alongside?

How do you like that?

A blowout.

This was a brand-new set
of second-hand retreads.

Do you have a spare?

Gee, Wally, do you expect
me to tie up three or four bucks

in a spare tire?

What are you going to do?

Well, it's only a few blocks,

so I'm going to walk home

and borrow the spare
out of Daddy's car.

Gee, Wally, I'm
going to be late.

I'm supposed to be there early.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Look, why don't you
walk up to Grant Avenue

and take the bus.

Gee, Wally, I'm not getting
on a bus in a bunny costume.

It's not too far to school.

Why don't you just walk?

You come with me, huh, Wally?

No, I got to stay here and
help Lumpy change the tire.

Look, just stick
to the side streets.

Nobody'll notice you.

Gee, Wally, I'm not walking
around the streets in this.

Then why don't you just
take it off and carry it?

But all's I got on
is my underwear.

I guess you don't have
much choice, do you?

Maybe if I run, people
won't notice me so much.

Anyway, you better get going.

Yeah.

You know, Wally,
if I was a real rabbit,

I'd just crawl in
my hole and die.

It was nice of Lumpy
to drive Beaver over.

I think Wally put a little
social pressure on him.

How'd Beaver
look in his costume?

He looked like the
sweetest little rabbit

you ever saw in your life.

Maybe if we keep real
quiet at the pageant tonight,

nobody will know
he belongs to us.

Ward!

Hey, there's a crazy rabbit!

Hey, rabbit!

Redecorate your room.

After all, fabric
is too expensive,

and this was the most expensive
fabric in the whole place.

What's the matter, Roger?

I just saw the
darndest-looking rabbit

I ever saw in my life.

It must have
been as tall as you.

Oh, stop it, Roger.

Won't you ever grow up?

One moment, children.

Have any of you seen
our bunny rabbit Theodore?

- I haven't.
- No.

Hey, maybe he chickened out.

Miss Lawrence.

Yes, Phyllis?

I have to blow my nose.

Thank you.

Miss Lawrence, excuse me.

I'm Wally Cleaver,
Theodore's brother.

Is there anything I
can do to help with him?

Yes, there is. You can tell
me where he is. He isn't here.

He isn't here?

I specifically told
all the children

to be here 45 minutes early.

Gee, that's funny.

He should be here by now.

We had a flat tire
on the way over,

and he got out
and started to walk.

We've just got to find him.

The whole pageant
hinges on our bunny rabbit.

Gee, maybe he fell in a
manhole or something.

I better go look for him.

Thank you, Wally.
And please hurry.

Yes, ma'am.

What's the matter, dogs? Haven't
you ever seen a rabbit before?

Hurry up, honey. We
don't want to walk in late.

All right, dear, but relax.

At least we know Beaver
got there in plenty of time.

Hello, operator.

Are you the one I call
if I need a policeman?

Yeah, because I
sure need one now.

Hello. Mayfield Police
Station. Sergeant Hearst.

Uh, hello.

My name is Theodore Cleaver,

and I have an emergency.

What's your
trouble, Mr. Cleaver?

Well, I'm not a
mister, I'm a kid.

Could you speak up
a little louder, please?

I'm in a phone booth, and
there are some dogs barking.

Dogs in a phone booth?

Oh, no, sir, they're
not in the phone booth.

They're outside.

They're barking 'cause
they think I'm a rabbit.

What's your name again?

Cleaver. Beaver Cleaver.

What's up?

It's pretty hard to tell.

But it sounds like a kid
named Beaver in a phone booth.

He thinks he's a rabbit
with a bunch of dogs.

Look, dogs, cut it out
out there, will you, please?

Hello?

Hello.

Boy, we usually
don't get calls like this

so far before New Year's.

Now look, would you
please start over again,

and this time,
tell me real slow.

Well, you see, my name
is Theodore Cleaver,

and I go to Grant Avenue School.

We're having a pageant
at school tonight.

And you see, I wanted
to play a grizzly bear,

but I got stuck to be a bunny.

And anyway...

Simmer down.

Boys! Boys, you're going
to get your costumes dirty.

Linda, would you go
out by the side entrance,

and see if you can see
any sign of Theodore?

Linda, I'm talking to you.

I'm Herman.

Well, would you do
that for me, Herman?

Your attention, children.

I think it's time we
begin taking our places.

Where is that Theodore?

Oh, no, Harold!

The frog sits on the lily pad.

The lily pad doesn't
sit on the frog.

Hello there.

Mrs. Cleaver, Mr. Cleaver.

Have you seen Theodore?

No. Isn't he here?

He left the house some time ago.

Dear, I never should have
let him go with Clarence.

I know, dear, but
that isn't helping now.

Where did Wally go?

He went back to look for him.

I think we'd better
do the same thing.

- Come on, dear.
- As you know,

our bunny opens
the whole pageant

as he ushers in spring.

Don't you worry, Miss Lawrence.

We'll find him someplace.

I could use a gopher or a snake,

but it just doesn't
seem appropriate.

We'll hurry.

Thank you.

Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Cleaver.

Clarence, have you
seen Beaver anyplace?

Yeah, Wally and I drove
around looking for him,

and we just found him out front,

getting out of a police car.

A police car?

Yeah. Wally's
bringing him in now.

Beaver, what happened?

Gee, Mom, it's a long story.

If I have to tell it once more,

I think I'm going to be sick.

You can tell us later.

Right now, I think
you'd better hurry.

Miss Lawrence has been
looking all over for you.

See you, Wally.

Now, where the bunny
rabbit was supposed to

hippity-hop across the
stage as the curtain rises,

you'll flutter across the stage.

Let me see you flap your wings.

More gently, dear.

Theodore!

Hey, Beav, what happened to you?

I got all messed up
and came in a police car.

No fooling? A police car?

Gee, Beav, what'd they do,

arrest you for
impersonating a bunny?

It's quite an involved
story, Miss Lawrence.

Yeah. You see, Lumpy,
that's Wally's friend

he had a flat tire,

and I was going to walk...

You'll have to talk about
that later, Theodore.

Everybody on stage. Come on.

Miss Lawrence, do you want
me to flap my wings now?

No, Penny. Beaver's here.

Don't forget, Beaver.

Hop, hop, hop.

Oh, boy.

Boy, Dad,

if he can manage
to get on the stage

and hop after all
he's been through,

that Beaver's got more guts
than any kid in the whole world.

You know something, Wally.

I think you're right.

You still going
someplace tonight, Wally?

Yeah. Lumpy and
a bunch of us guys

are going over to Mary
Ellen's to play records.

Yeah. Well, I'm going to bed.

I'm the tiredest
rabbit that ever lived.

Hey, you know, you did all right

in that pageant at school.

Mom was sort of
half-smiling and half-crying.

I saw Dad applauding
louder than anybody.

Yeah. They told
me I did real good,

but I figured it
was just the things

that parents tell their kids

on account of they
belong to them.

They were real proud of you.

You know, Wally,
I've been thinking.

It wouldn't be so bad
to be a real animal.

Beaver, how can you say that

after all you went
through today?

Well, if you were a real animal,

like a horse or a
duck or a rabbit,

there isn't anybody
who could make you

volunteer to be a human
being in a pageant.

I guess you're right, Beav.

I'll see you later.

I'll see you, Wally.

Hop, hop, hop.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA