Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 5, Episode 15 - Farewell to Penny - full transcript

Starring...

and...

Signed "Mrs. Henry Woods."

You might as well throw
this one away, Mom.

Now, why wouldn't you want to go
to a party at school for Penny Woods?

In the first place,
because she's a girl.

In the second place,
'cause Beaver says

she's just about the creepiest
girl in the whole school.

Oh, I think that's ridiculous.

I wanted him to go

because I think this is going
to be a sweet little affair.



Okay, Mom, but I
think this is going to be

one of those
sweet little affairs

Dad's going to have to
beat him into going to.

All right, class,

let's get started on our
history lesson for today.

Mr. Whitney, would
you begin by naming

the first ten Presidents
of the United States?

Washington, Adams, Jefferson,

Madison, Monroe,
John Quincy Adams,

Jackson... Van
Buren, Harrison, Tyler.

Very good, Whitey.

Mr. Cleaver, suppose you name

the next ten Presidents
of the United States.

Uh, Polk, Pierce... uh, no.



Polk, Grant?

Polk, Buchanan... No.

Polk, Johnson?

I'm afraid you're not quite
prepared, Mr. Cleaver.

All right, Miss Woods,

you seem very anxious to recite.

Yes, Mr. Blair.

The second ten Presidents are

Polk, Taylor, Fillmore, Pierce,

Buchanan, Lincoln, Johnson,

Grant, Hayes, and Garfield.

Well, I must say, Miss Woods,

that you were
very well prepared.

Thank you, Mr. Blair.

I plan to major in History
when I go to Radcliff.

Boy, what a dummy.

What did Mr. Blair say
to you after class, Beav?

He said he was disappointed
in me for letting him down.

Gee, you got off easy.

Then he said I had to write
the names of the Presidents

ten times each.

Boy, it sure doesn't
pay to be stupid.

But I'm not stupid.

I know all those presidents.

Polk, Taylor, Fillmore, Pierce,

Buchanan, Lincoln, Johnson,

Grant, Hayes, and Garfield.

Why didn't you say it in class?

It's because of
that goofy Penny.

She put a hex on me
with her creepy face.

How can a guy
remember presidents

when he's looking at a zombie?

What did you say about my face?

I said it was creepy,

and if you'd look
at it once in a while,

you'd know how creepy it is.

Yeah, well, you're
a stupid little rat.

Yeah, well, you're
a funny-looking goat.

Yeah, well, you're a
goony hunk of nothing.

Boy, I wish you were a
guy so I could sock you.

If I was a guy, you'd
be scared to sock me.

Go ahead and sock her, Beav.

I dare you.

I dare you. I double-dare you.

She's asking for it, Beav.

Well, what are you waiting for?

You're not only chicken.
You're as yellow as a skunk.

Good night, Mr. Blair.

Good night, Penny.
Good night, boys.

Good night, Mr. Blair.

Want me to come
in early tomorrow,

or sharpen the pencils
or anything, Mr. Blair?

That won't be necessary.

Blah.

It's too bad she's
not your sister.

Boy, are you kidding?

No, you can't hit a girl,

but you can hit your
sister all you want.

Hi, I didn't hear you come in.

What did you do, skate home?

I found them in the driveway.

Where's Beaver?

I don't know. I've been
waiting for him to get here.

For two days they've
been sitting out there.

Well, dear, why didn't
you just leave them

and tell him about
them when he got home?

Oh, it was easier
to pick them up.

Sometimes these lectures
are more unpleasant for me

than they are for him.

I gather you didn't have a
very good day at the office.

No. No, I had lunch
with Fred Rutherford,

and his boy Lumpy's
school problems

just about ruined my day.

Then why do you keep
taking Fred to lunch?

Oh, this month, I
lost the office pool.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

Beaver, where have you been?

Oh, Whitey and I were
walking home from school,

and we stopped
to watch some guys

change a billboard
on Grant Avenue.

Say, that is quite an occasion.

Yeah, they only had
half a lady up there,

and we wanted to wait
and see how she came out.

Well, Beaver,

you try to get home
from school earlier,

and don't leave your
skates in the driveway.

Yes, sir.

Oh, Beaver, this
came for you today.

I'm not going.

But, Beaver,

if Penny's mother was
nice enough to ask you,

you can't be mean
enough not to go.

Sure I can, Mom.

Penny's a zombie.

Beaver, I don't think
that's any way to talk

about one of your classmates.

Gee, Dad, she's
really a horrible girl,

and on top of that, she's smart.

Beaver, that's no way to talk.

Boy, Mom, you ought to see her.

If her face was on television,

parents wouldn't
let little kids watch it.

I'd rather croak than
go to her old party.

Ward, what do we do
about something like this?

Well, there's not
much we can do.

I think he's old enough
to make his own decisions

in matters like this.

But it's a written invitation.

They're going to
know why he didn't go.

I'll admit it's awkward
being a child.

Of course, if you're an adult

and you don't want
to go somewhere,

you can always get out of it by,

oh, saying,

"Oh, we're going to be
out of town that week,"

or, uh, "Oh, I'm sorry.
Harvey has to work that night."

But if you're a kid,

you're just stuck
with the awful truth.

"I'm not going
because I don't want to."

Well, I sent out all the
invitations to your party, Penny.

See if I left anyone out.

Mother, how can
you do this to me?

My whole party is ruined.

How is your whole party ruined?

You invited that awful,
horrible Beaver Cleaver.

Why, Penny,

what's wrong with
Theodore Cleaver?

What's wrong with him?

He's a grubby little boy.

That's what's wrong with him,

and today in school he
said I had a creepy face,

and besides that,

he doesn't even
know his Presidents.

Now, Penny, you said you wanted
a farewell party for your class

before we moved
away from Mayfield,

so I sent invitations
to everybody.

There's nothing we
can do about it now.

Well, all right, Mother,

but I just hope everyone
doesn't remember me

as the girl who got
sick at her own party.

Oh, hello, Whitey. Come on in.

Hi, Mrs. Cleaver.

I came over to see Beaver

unless his father's yelling
at him or something.

No, he's right here
in the living room.

Beaver, Whitey's
here to see you.

- Oh, hi, Whitey.
- Hi, Beaver.

Hello, Mr. Cleaver.

Hello, Whitey.

How's your father?

I don't know, sir.

The way he looked when
he came home tonight,

I was afraid to ask him.

Oh.

If you boys want to talk,

you can go up in Beaver's room.

No, I don't want to talk.

I just wanted to ask Beaver

if he's going to Penny's party.

No, I'm not going.

You aren't going
either. Are you, Whitey?

Yeah, I'm going.

My mom's making me.

Well, I'm still not going.

I wasn't going,

but my mom talked
to Penny's mom,

and Penny and her family

are moving far
away to another city,

so I've got to go and
bring a present even.

She couldn't move far
enough away from me.

Excuse me, Whitey.

Did you say Penny
was moving away?

Yeah, it's on account
of her father's job.

My dad said he either
got promoted or fired.

Well, I didn't realize

that this was a farewell party.

Are you and Mr. Cleaver

going to make Beaver
go, Mrs. Cleaver?

Now, I think that's something

that his father and I are
going to have to talk over

with Beaver in private.

Yes, ma'am.

Well, I'll get out of your
way and everything.

I just dropped in for a minute.

Good-bye, Mrs. Cleaver.

Buy, Mr. Cleaver.

- Good-bye, Whitey.
- Good-bye, Whitey.

- So long, Whitey.
- So long, Beaver.

See you at Penny's party.

Whitey, I told
you I'm not going.

Your mom said they wanted to
talk it over in private, didn't she?

- Yeah.
- Then don't worry. You're going.

Just like at my house,

they didn't want to
hit you in front of me.

Beaver, would you
come in here a minute?

Yes, Dad.

At least I can bring
her a crummy present.

Gee, Beaver, did Mom and
Dad both gang up on you

about going to Penny's party?

Yeah. Well, Mom said
we had to discuss it

on account of it
was a farewell party,

and then she started dragging in

all that stuff about
me being polite

and not hurting
Penny's feelings,

and then Dad
started discussing it,

and the next thing I knew they
discussed me right into going.

Yeah, I know how it is.

When they start dragging
manners and politeness into it,

you might as well give up.

Yeah. You know, Wally,

when they first told me I
had to go to Penny's party,

I was really mad,
but now that they did,

I'm kind of glad.

Glad?

You're always telling
me how Penny is a rat

and all that kind of stuff.

Yeah, but I've been
thinking about it,

and now that I'm never
going to see her again

after the party on Friday,

I feel kind of funny.

What do you mean funny?

It's sort of like when
my warts went away.

I didn't think I was going
to miss them, but I did.

Boy, Beaver.

Gee, Wally,

Penny's been calling
me creepy and stupid

ever since we were little kids,

and now that she's not going to
be around to bother me anymore,

I'm going to sort of miss her.

You know what I think, Beaver?

What, Wally?

I think you don't want
Penny to move away

on account of
you kind of like her.

Do you, really?

Well, sure. Now, I'm no
psychiatrist or anything,

but I've seen enough of
those Cary Grant movies

to know how it works.

Now, when he starts
out yelling at Doris Day,

you always know he's
going to end up hugging her.

Boy, Wally,

this has really turned into
a horrible mess, hasn't it?

Sure, but if you're going to
start getting mixed up with girls,

you better get used
to horrible messes.

Mother, are you sure you sent an
invitation to that awful Beaver Cleaver?

You know I did, Penny.

Now, I don't like
your attitude at all.

I don't suppose there's any
way to keep him from coming

unless he broke his leg
at recess or something

and couldn't come.

Well, at least after Friday

I won't have to see him
again for the rest of my life.

Penny, when I was your age,

I talked the same way
about a boy I knew.

I told my parents
and all my friends

he was the silliest, most
annoying person I'd ever met.

And you know
why I did that dear?

Why?

So they wouldn't
know I really liked him.

Oh, mother, that's terrible.

Oh, I don't think
it's so terrible.

That, uh, boy... is your father.

Where are the boys?

Well, I called them
about five minutes ago,

and they said they'd
be down in a second.

Beaver's probably up there

trying to think of some
way to get out of going

to Penny's party this afternoon.

Well, Ward, no
matter what he says,

we're not going to give in.

Oh, don't worry, dear,
I won't let you down

by being warm and
sympathetic and understanding.

Ward, we just can't
let Beaver be impolite.

Well, I think we may
be fighting a trend,

but I'm with you.

Beaver, well, don't you
look nice this morning.

Yeah, Mom.

Well, I couldn't
find any old clothes,

so I put this stuff on.

Yeah, go ahead
and smell him, Mom.

He hasn't smelled this
good since he was a baby.

Beaver, I'm glad to see you
cooperating with your mother and me.

Yes, Dad.

I figure, as long as I'm
going to a creepy girl's party,

that's no reason I
should look creepy.

You just be sure you
act like a little gentleman.

Gee, Dad, when you're
all dressed up like this,

what else can you do?

Beaver, you just
watch your manners

and be sure and thank
Mrs. Woods for a good time.

Yeah, and no matter
how dopey the party is,

you're not allowed
to tell the truth.

Wally, you're being a
big help this morning.

I guess by that, you
mean I'm not, huh?

That's just what I mean.

Are you eating this?

That's your third piece.
Now, you watch that, Whitey.

Penny.

Penny, I think it was
a lovely farewell party,

and you received a lot of
nice presents, didn't you?

Yes, Mr. Blair,

and thank you for the
beautiful, expensive fountain pen.

I'm going to save it and
use it when I go to Radcliff.

Well, before we break up,

do you want to say
anything to your classmates?

Well, last night my
mother and I wrote a poem.

I'm sure we would
all like to hear it.

Wouldn't we, class?

Oh, yes.

Not me, boy.

I think we're all going
to hear it, Mr. Whitney.

Farewell to Grant
Avenue Elementary School,

where our teacher's
taught us the golden rule.

Parting from my classmates dear

brings to my eye a tender tear.

When I move away
to other places,

I'll never forget
your smiling faces.

I think she's
some kind of a nut.

She can't help it. She's a girl.

- Good-bye.
- Good-bye.

Penny, you have
quite a lot to carry.

- Can you get home all right?
- Oh, yes, Mr. Blair.

My mother's picking me
up in front of the school

in our new car.

Well, maybe someone will
stay and give you a hand.

How about you, Mr. Cleaver?

Yeah, well, I guess I could.

Good-bye, Penny.

I hope you write to us.

Oh, yes, Mr. Blair.

You don't have to help me
if you don't want to, Beaver.

Well, I said I
would, and I will.

Where are you moving to, Penny?

Bellport.

Oh, I got an aunt
that lives there.

If you ever meet her, it's all
right to tell her you know me.

Here, you can have
this if you want it, Beaver.

You mean you're giving it to me?

I'd sort of look
dumb in Bellport

with a pencil box that says
Grant Avenue School on it.

Yeah, I guess so.

- Penny.
- Beaver.

That's funny. We both
said the same thing together.

Yeah, that happened with
me and my brother once.

We both hiccupped
at the same time.

Of course we had both
been drinking root beer.

I guess some people
would call it fate,

wouldn't they?

Well, I don't know much
about that kind of stuff,

but thanks anyway
for the pencil box.

Oh, that's okay, Beaver.

Penny, on account
of you moving away,

I'd sort of like to
tell you something.

You won't get sore, would you?

How do I know

unless I know what
you're going to say?

Well, I'm kind of sorry
about what I said yesterday,

about you having a
creepy face and everything.

Oh, are you, Beaver?

Yeah, your face
isn't any creepier

than any of the other
girls in our class.

I guess I shouldn't have called
you a big stupid dummy either.

Well, I get used
to that kind of stuff.

You know how it is.

Well, good-bye, Beaver.

Yeah, good-bye, Penny.

You know, I'm going to
sort of miss you, Beaver.

Yeah, I'm going to
sort of miss you, too.

You mean you like me, Beaver?

I didn't say that.

It's probably just I'm getting
used to you. That's all.

Beaver, do you know
you're sort of cute?

Well, I don't know
much about that.

I don't look at myself much.

Do you think I'm cute, Beaver?

Gee, I wouldn't
say that to any girl,

but as long as you're
leaving for good,

I guess I am going to miss you.

A little or a lot?

A lot.

Now let's get this
junk out of here

before somebody comes in here
and catches me being nice to you.

Thank you, Wally.

Now we can have a fire tonight.

That's okay, Mom.

What's this big
deal about a fire?

Nothing.

Your father and I
just think it gives

a nice, warm, romantic
glow to the living room.

Oh, I thought maybe it was because
Dad's feet got cold or something.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Wally.

Hi, Beav.

How did the party go
at school today, Beaver?

Oh, it wasn't too bad.

They had a cake shaped
just like our schoolhouse,

and me and Whitey
ate the roof off it.

Hey, what's that in your pocket?

Grant Avenue School.

It's just a pencil box.

Penny gave it to me.

Oh, well, that was nice.

She gave all her
classmates pencil boxes?

No, I think she
just gave me one.

She had it left over.

Oh.

I better go upstairs and
change into my dirty clothes.

Wally, you know, I have
an idea Beaver likes Penny.

Likes her?

Why, he's flipped over her,

well, at least as much
as a kid his age can flip.

Now, isn't that
the cutest thing?

Yeah, but I
wouldn't tell him that.

He's liable to go ape
on you or something.

Wally, I don't like you
using words like flip and ape.

I'm sorry, Mom.

I keep forgetting
you're not a kid.

Ward, isn't it cute?

Now that Penny's moving away,

Beaver actually likes her.

I wouldn't get
carried away, dear.

I don't think a pencil box is
exactly a symbol of eternal romance.

Well, I didn't say that.

I was just so surprised

that Beaver would
even look at a girl.

Oh, I don't know.

When I was about Beaver's age,

I had quite a crush

on a girl named
Eleanor Christoph.

I think the big attraction

was the fact that her
father owned a paint store.

- Is that so?
- Mm-hm.

To this day I can't
open a can of turpentine

without thinking of Eleanor.

Well, you're in quite a romantic
mood tonight, aren't you?

You know how a
lighted fire affects me.

Hello?

Oh, hello, Whitey.

Yes, Beaver's home.

Yes, sir, could I speak
to him right away, please?

Because my father only lets me
use the phone for three minutes.

Certainly, Whitey.

Beaver?

Yes, Dad.

- Telephone.
- Who is it, Dad?

You come down here
and find out who it is.

Hello? Oh, hi,
Whitey. This is me.

What's new?

I'll tell you what's new.

You know what that zombie
Penny's going to do to us?

What?

She's not going to move.

Sure, she's going to move.

She's moving to
Bellport and everything.

No, she's not.

Angela Valentine told me

that after the party,

Penny made a big fuss at home,

and her parents are letting her
live here with her grandparents

till the end of school.

Some dirty trick, huh, Beav?

Yeah, I'll say.

Thanks a lot. I'll
see you, Whitey.

Beaver? Was that about Penny?

Isn't she moving away?

Uh-uh, Mom.

She's going to stay here
and live with her grandmother.

Now, isn't that nice?

Sure, Mom, that's real nice.

That's about as nice as
falling off a cliff or something.

Ward, I don't understand it.

This afternoon he was
so happy with Penny.

He came home with her
pencil box and everything.

Dear, he's dealing with
the opposite sex now.

We can expect a certain amount

of inconsistent,
idiotic behavior.

Boy, what a gyp.

What's the matter with you?

That Penny Woods
isn't moving to Bellport.

She's staying here.

Heck, if you like her, what
are you moaning about?

I was just thinking about
having to go to school Monday

and sit next to her.

What's the matter with that?

You've been sitting next
to her for half your life.

Yeah, but it will
be different now

on account of what
happened at the party.

What did you do, throw
food at her or something?

Worse than that,

a million times worse than that.

I told her I liked her.

Boy, Beaver, what did you go
and do a goofy thing like that for?

Well, I was full of
ice cream and cake,

and she did give
me her pencil box

and said I was cute,

and then I said
I might miss her,

and the next thing I know
I was telling her I liked her.

Boy, Wally, I wish I
was dead and everything.

Look, Beaver,

you're not the only guy that's
ever told a girl he liked her.

The world's full of guys
that tell girls they like them.

Sure, but they don't have to
go and sit next to them in school.

Hey, Wally, you don't think
she'll blab it all over the place

what I said to her.

Sure, she's going
to blab it all over.

She's a girl, isn't she?

Ward, before Beaver left
for school this morning,

I caught him making faces
at himself in the hall mirror.

Why would he do
a thing like that?

Well, why didn't you ask him?

I did, and he said
he was practicing.

Then he asked me if I knew
any good names to call somebody,

and he left with a
big scowl on his face.

Well, dear, drawing on
my personal experience

in sixth-grade
affairs of the heart,

I'd say that Beaver's pencil-box
romance has gone sour.

Boy, Penny, I thought
you'd never get here.

Oh, hi, Beaver,

did you hear about
me not moving away?

Yeah, I heard about
you not moving away,

and I want to talk to
you about something.

What is it, Beaver?

Well, you know all that goofy stuff
I told you after the party on Friday?

You mean about liking
me and everything?

Yeah, that's the goofy junk.

Well, I really didn't mean it.

Oh, you didn't?

Well, I didn't mean
anything I said, either,

you creepy little rat.

I didn't mean it any more
than you didn't mean it,

you funny-looking spook.

Oh, you stupid little goof.

Give me back my pencil box.

Aah-aah-aah.

- Nyaah.
- Nah.

You really told
her off, huh, Beav?

Yeah, Wally, it was really neat.

I called her a spook, and she
called me a creepy little rat.

Hey, that's pretty good.

Were any of the
guys there to hear it?

No, that was the only bad part.

They were all in class.

Hey, Wally, what do you suppose
made me tell her I liked her?

Well, probably for a few minutes
there you really did like her.

Gee, don't say that, Wally.

I was just beginning
to feel good again.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA