Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 4, Episode 28 - Mistaken Identity - full transcript

Starring...

and...

Mom!

Hey, Mom, I'm home!

I'm out here, Wally!

Oh, hi, Mom.

Hi.

Hey, is Dad home yet?

No, not yet.

Oh, I just wanted to ask him

if I could take a
cross country bus tour



with a bunch of
guys this summer.

A cross country bus tour?

Yeah.

Yeah, for $130,

you guys can get rid of
me for two whole months.

Wally!

We don't want to get rid of you!

We like to have you
around in the summer.

Well, gee, Mom,

you'd still have the
Beaver here to yell at.

Well, I don't know, Wally.

You'd better talk to
your father about it

when he gets home.

He may be late.



He's in a meeting
at the mayor's office.

The mayor's office?

What's he hanging around
the mayor's office for?

Well, they're going to build
a youth center in Mayfield,

and they asked your father
to serve on the committee.

Hey, that's pretty neat!

Hey, where's the Beaver?

He said he was going
by Gilbert's house

on his way home from school.

Oh. Oh, yeah, I know Gilbert.

He's got a sister in high school

that's in love with
Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.

I don't think he
knows it, though.

Hey, what's he doing
over at Gilbert's anyway?

He said they had something
very important planned.

Oh.

What do you want to do, Beaver?

I don't know.

What do you want to do, Gilbert?

I don't know, Beav.
What do you want to do?

I'll do anything you
guys want to do.

Who asked you, Richard?

Look, I just said I'll do
anything you guys want to do.

Oh. Well, first of all,

we've gotta figure out
what we're gonna do.

Yeah.

Hey, they're knocking down a
building over on Grant Avenue.

We could go watch
them knock the walls down

with that big
cannonball on the cable.

Aw, that's kid stuff.

Then how come there's always
so many grownups over there

watching it, if it's kid stuff?

'Cause they don't
know it's kid stuff.

Hey, you want to walk
through Nelson's Bakery?

What good is that?

Well, it smells good in there.

Hey, why don't we go down to the
old McMahon house and mess around?

Nah. My dad doesn't want me
hanging around that old house.

A guy could get hurt.

Aw, I bet you're
afraid to go down there

'cause you think it's haunted.

I do not.

There's no such thing as ghosts;

and anyway, they don't
come out in the afternoon.

Aw, come on, Beav.

Let's go over to the
old place anyway.

There was a bunch of big
guys over there yesterday,

and they were
throwing rocks at it.

No, I'm going home.

I don't think I want to do
anything today, anyways.

Then what'd you
come over here for?

That's what I've been wondering.

I'll see you guys.

You still want to go, Gilbert?

Sure.

Hey, how come
there's no McMahons

living in the old McMahon house?

Well, my father said
some of them croaked,

and the rest of them
went to California.

Come on.

Well, let's see.

At the meeting, there was
the principal of the high school,

a couple of fellas like
myself, two juvenile officers,

a woman from the Welfare
Board, and the assistant mayor.

I though the Mayor
was going to be there.

Oh, no, he couldn't make it.

He was having his picture
taken with an Eskimo.

An Eskimo?

Yeah, I think he was
here, uh, on a goodwill tour,

promoting the salmon
industry or something.

Well, anyway, I'm
very proud of you

being on the mayor's
committee for the youth center.

Well, I imagine they picked me

because I work for a
pretty substantial company.

Oh, not at all!

I'll bet they picked you
because they've heard

what a wonderful job you've done

bringing up your own two boys.

Well, that's very
flattering, dear,

but I think the mayor is
too busy with Eskimos

to even know whether
I have children or not.

When are they going
to start the youth center?

Well, they hope to have the
plans ready by next meeting.

You know, I think it's
going to be a great thing.

They're going to have basketball,
and swimming, and tennis.

It'll keep a lot of kids
from roaming the streets.

You know something?

If there were such
thing as ghosts,

this is where
they'd be all right.

Yeah. Hey, let's go in
and climb up the stairs.

The sign says, "No Trespassing."

Oh, that doesn't mean anything.

Heck, there's been guys
trespassing around here

for about as long
as I can remember.

Well, I don't know
if we should go in.

Boy, look at all those
busted windows.

Hey, yeah, look at that one!

It's almost unbusted.

Boy, I bet I could
really bust it.

I bet ya can't.

Oh, yeah? Hold this.

I told you, you couldn't.

Oh, yeah? Well, watch this!

See, I told ya.
Uh-oh, a policeman!

Hey, you kids! Hey, you boys!

Come back here!

Come back here!

Gee, Mister, I
didn't do anything.

Didn't do anything?
Look at that, son.

Nine windows.

But I wasn't here long
enough to break nine windows.

I only broke one.

That's bad enough.

Well, I thought it was okay,

because all the
others were broken.

I suppose if you saw eight
boys steal eight bicycles,

you'd think it was all
right to steal a bicycle.

Gee, Mister, I never stole
a bike in my whole life!

Well, gosh, officer.

You're not gonna
arrest me, are ya?

My mother's sick and everything.

No, but I want you to give
me your name and address.

Do I have to?

Unless you want to
come with me, son.

Well, my name is... Um, my
name is Theodore Cleaver.

And I live at 211 Pine Avenue.

Cleaver. Is that "e-r" or "o-r"?

Um, I think it's "e-r".

All right, Theodore,
you go on home now.

Uh, yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

Oh, hey, Dad. I
forgot to ask you,

can I take a cross country
tour of America on a bus?

What's this all about?

Well, Eddie Haskell
got this thing in the mail.

They take a whole bunch of guys,

and you get to see
all the historical sites.

They put all the
girls on one bus,

and all the guys on another bus.

They don't let you
get into any trouble,

but Eddie said we should
ought to go anyway.

I think I'd better find
out a little more about it.

See, Wally? I told you,
you wouldn't get to go.

Beaver, I said I'd better
find out a little more about it.

Yes, sir.

Beaver, did you hear the
good news about your father?

Gee, no, Mom.

Somebody give him a
whole big hunk of money?

Oh, I think what
your mother means

is that I've been
put on a committee

to help build a
new youth center.

What's a youth center?

Oh, that's a big building

where they get all
the kids together,

so they can watch them.

Oh.

It sounds very ambitious.

They're going to
have a swimming pool,

and tennis courts, basketball,
game rooms, television,

ping pong, everything!

Well, I think both of you boys

should be very
proud of your father,

being selected
for the committee.

Gee, Mom, we were proud of
Dad even when he wasn't anything.

Thank you very much, Beaver.

I'll get it.

Hello. Mr. Cleaver?

Well, I, uh, I think
he's eating his dinner.

Well, just a minute.

I'll see whether you're
bothering him or not.

Dad! Hey, Dad!

Yes, Wally.

Uh, there's a man on the phone

who'd like to talk to you,
if he's not disturbing you.

Who is it, son?

Gee, I don't know. Excuse me.

Um, my father would
like to know who you are.

Oh. Oh, yes, sir.

Uh, it's a Lieutenant Barnes!

Barnes?

Oh, he's one of the men
I met at the lunch today.

Uh, hello?

Yeah, well, it was very good
meeting you today, Lieutenant.

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

I'm gonna be home tonight.

Well, around 8:00?

Fine! Look forward
to seeing you.

Goodbye.

Hey, Dad, that
Lieutenant Barnes,

is he some kind of guy you
used to know in the Army?

No, he's a police lieutenant.

I, uh, met him at
the luncheon today.

He wants to bring another
officer by tonight to talk to me.

Well, gee, what about?

Well, they're from the
juvenile department.

I imagine they want to
discuss the youth center.

Mr. Cleaver says we can drop
by his house about 8:00 tonight.

I'd like to talk to him
personally about his boy.

I didn't know he was a
friend of yours, Lieutenant.

Yeah. As a matter of fact,

I met him at the
meeting this afternoon.

Seems like a very fine citizen.

Well, that's the way it goes.

They're the ones who
always have the worst kids.

Breaking one window
isn't too serious.

It will be a little
embarrassing for me.

We're both serving on
this youth committee,

and now I have to tell him

that his boy's
in a little trouble.

Oh, I thought you
had finished the dishes.

Oh, I have.

I thought maybe your friends

would like some coffee
when they got here.

Oh, that was very
nice of you, dear.

Mm-hm.

Hey, you know, this Barnes
is a real top-notch man.

It's a pleasure working
on the committee with him.

Did you tell Fred Rutherford

about your appointment
from the Mayor?

Yeah, I mentioned it
casually at lunch today.

Did it upset him?

Yeah, I think it did.

He didn't order any dessert.

You know, honey, your
serving on this committee,

you may find you
have a flair for politics.

Yeah, who knows?
Maybe one of these days,

I'll wind up in City Hall,
posing with Eskimos.

Boy, Wally, I never thought
there'd be a real policeman

calling on Dad right
here in our own house.

Not only that, Mom's
even making coffee for him.

Boy, wait 'til I tell Harry
at school about this.

The best thing that
ever happened to him

was when the weeds in the
vacant lot next door caught fire,

and he got to take
Cokes to the firemen.

Hey, you know, that
Lieutenant Barnes,

when you talk to
him on the phone,

he even sounds
like a real policeman.

How do you know?

Well, look, Beaver. I've
seen enough television

to know what a real
policeman sounds like.

Hey, Wally.

When the policemen
get here to see Dad,

do you think it'd be all right

if I went down in the living
room and looked at 'em?

Well, I wouldn't do that, Beav.

Dad probably wouldn't
say anything in front of 'em,

but he'd really yell
at ya after they left.

Hey, there's two guys
getting out of a car.

They must be the policemen.

Gee, they came in
a plain ordinary car.

Sure. If they came
in a real police car,

everybody in the
neighborhood would think

we were crooks or something.

Yeah, but it still would've
been neater though

if they came in
a real police car.

Well, Lieutenant
Barnes, good to see you.

Good evening, Mr. Cleaver.

I'd like you to meet
Officer Medford.

How do you do?

How do you do?
Very good to know you.

Come on in.

Thank you.

Uh, sit down. Thank you.

Well, we certainly had
a fine meeting today!

Yes. It was very
gratifying, Mr. Cleaver.

Yeah, well, uh, my wife
is making a little coffee.

She'll be in with
it in a minute.

Well, I guess we'd better
get right down to the subject.

Mr. Cleaver, I want
you to know first

that Medford and I want to
cooperate with you as much as we can.

Well, I'm sure the
committee appreciates that.

Well, it's not the committee,
as much as it's you personally.

Oh, you, uh, you mean, you're
not here to discuss the youth center?

No. As a matter of
fact, it's about your boy.

My boy?

Yes, Mr. Cleaver.

At 4:15 this afternoon,
Theodore Cleaver, a juvenile,

was trespassing on some
property at 456 Grant Avenue,

where he was apprehended
breaking windows.

Beaver was breaking windows?

Yes, Officer Medford
here drove up

and caught him throwing
rocks with another boy,

who managed to run off.

Well, this sort
of floors me. I...

Uh, Mrs. Cleaver, this
is Lieutenant Barnes

and, uh, Officer Medford.

How do you do?

Hello. How do you do?

Please be seated.

Thank you. Would
you have some coffee?

No, thank you, Mrs. Cleaver.

No thanks.

Ward?

Oh, no thanks.

Aren't you having a meeting?

Uh, I'm afraid not.

Uh, these gentlemen are
here to talk about Beaver.

Beaver?

Yeah, it seems he was breaking
some windows in a house

over on Grant Avenue today.

For goodness sakes.

Oh, it's not too
serious, Mrs. Cleaver,

but we would like to talk to him

and get the name
of the other boy.

Well, I'll get him
down here right away.

Beaver! Beaver, come
down here, will you?

I'll be right down, Dad!

Boy, isn't Dad neat, a dad?

He must have found some excuse

so I can go down there
and meet the policemen?

Yeah. He probably figured

you'd get a big kick out of it.

Yeah.

He's never done
anything like this before.

Oh, I'm sure it's just
one of those things

that kids do on the
spur of the moment.

- Hi, Dad.
- Uh, Beaver,

this is Lieutenant Barnes
and Officer Medford.

Glad to meet you.

They want to talk
to you, Beaver.

Lieutenant, I'm afraid
this isn't the boy.

Not the boy?

No, the boy I talked
to was smaller,

quite a bit thinner, and
had quite a few freckles.

Is there something wrong, Dad?

Uh, I don't know. There
seems to be some mistake.

Oh, I'm very sorry, but the boy
gave his name as Theodore Cleaver

and gave this address.

Well, what's going on?
Did I win something?

Theodore, a couple of
boys were breaking windows

over at an old house on
Grant Avenue this afternoon,

and one of them gave your
name to Officer Medford here.

Boy, oh, boy.
Which guy did that?

That's what we'd like
to find out, Theodore.

Do you have any idea, son?

Uh, well, I, uh...
Well, what, Beaver?

Well, gee, Mom. I
know a whole lot of guys.

Well, I mean, uh, there's a
whole lot of guys in my school,

and some of them are even girls.

Well, suppose you tell us
who you think it might've been?

Well, gee, I wouldn't
want to do that,

'cause it might
be the wrong guy,

and you might go over to his
house and make a big thing,

and then his father
might start hitting him,

and then I'd feel like a creep.

Well, um, Theodore, if
you do find out who it was,

we'd appreciate it
if you'd let us know.

You run along upstairs now, son.

Well, yes, sir.

It was very nice
meeting you policemen.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry,
Mr. Cleaver, Mrs. Cleaver.

We hate to frighten these
youngsters unnecessarily.

So, instead of
taking the boys down

to the precinct
on a thing like this,

our officers usually
take their names

and make an informal
call on the parents.

This is the first time we've
ever had a mix-up like this.

Well, there's no reason to
let the coffee go to waste.

You mean, you
mean, some other kid

gave the policeman your name?

That's what he did all right.

Boy, I didn't think any of your
friends could think that fast.

Don't go making
jokes, huh, Wally?

I could've gotten in a
whole mess of trouble.

You know, Ward,
it's pretty frightening

to have a couple of
policemen come in

and say they're
looking for your son.

I'll say it is.

I know it was a mistake,
and I'm still a little shaky.

Well, the officers
at least seem to try

to handle these things in
an understanding manner.

Yeah, it was a lot
different when I was a boy.

Then, if you got caught
doing something wrong,

all they had to do was say,

uh, "If I catch you
doing that again,

I'm going to tell your father."

That threat seems to
have lost its effectiveness.

You know, I think television
had something to do with that.

You know, I think
maybe Beaver knows

who it was who gave his
name to the policeman.

Well then, why wouldn't he
come right out and say who it was?

Well, you know how boys are,

especially when
they're Beaver's age.

They're so deathly afraid of
being considered a squealer,

they bend over backwards
in the other direction.

Oh, even when someone
does something as bad as this?

Oh, I think that's a
ridiculous attitude to take.

Oh, sure, we know it is,

but how do you
convince the boy it is?

Well, I think you'd
just better find a way.

Yeah, I guess I had.

But you know, it's bad
enough to be put on the spot

when your own
son does something.

Why should I be put on the spot

when someone else's
son does something?

You think it was Richard
that gave your name, huh?

Yeah. For a while, I
thought it was Gilbert,

but now it seems
more like Richard.

Well, why do you think
it was one of them?

Well, they were talking about
going over to the old house

and throwing rocks.

Well, what makes you so
sure that it was Richard?

Well, I've been
thinking about it,

and if Gilbert got
caught by the police,

he wouldn't give the wrong name.

He'd just keep crying
until they let him go.

Hey, you gonna beat
Richard up in school tomorrow?

I don't know. It all
depends on what he says.

Like, if he says, "Hi,
Beav, I'm sorry I did it,"

then I might not do anything.

But if he says, "Hi,
Beav, what's new?"

then I'm gonna beat him up.

Hey, fellas.

Hi, Dad.

- Hi.
- Hi, Dad.

Say, uh, Beaver, first of
all, I just want to tell you

how glad I am that
you're not the boy

those officers were looking for.

Boy, Dad, you couldn't
be any gladder than I am.

Well, now, the
important thing is

to find out who it was who
actually did break the windows,

and I think you have a
pretty good idea who it was.

Oh, he's got a pretty
good idea all right.

Well, Beaver, who was it?

Gee, Dad, I don't
want to be a squealer.

Well, I realize that, son,

but this is a little
different case here.

You see, by giving your name,
this boy put you in jeopardy.

Huh?

Well, what Dad means is that,

uh, that it's not squealing
if you rat on a rat.

Yeah. Well, I guess
this isn't real squealing.

What do you mean
by real squealing?

Well, like last month,

when Miss Landers asked
who got sick in the cloak room,

and nobody would rat
on Angela Valentine.

Uh, yeah.

Yes, I think you could put this

in a different
category all right.

Uh, look, Beaver.

If I saw a man rob a bank,

it would be my duty to give
his description to the police.

Yeah, sure, Dad,

but you don't have
to go to school

with the bank robber every day.

Gee, I sit right
next to Richard.

Oh, it was Richard
Rickover, huh?

Uh, well, uh, uh...

Well, look, Beaver.
There's no use stalling now.

You already spilled the beans.

Well, it's not a question
of spilling anything, Wally.

It was the only thing to do,
under the circumstances.

If Richard had been allowed
to get away with this, this time,

no telling what he might
have done next time.

Well, sure, Beav.

I had this in my civics book.

In a democracy, everybody's
gotta work for the common good,

and it's a citizen's duty
to stop guys from stealing,

and croaking other
guys, and junk like that.

Well, if it's in
your civics book,

I guess I don't feel
too bad about it.

Dad, are you
gonna call the police

and tell them it was Richard?

No, I'm going to
call Richard's father

and let him handle it.

Yeah. I guess that's better

than having everybody
jump on him at once.

All right, Beaver.

And remember, now, no trouble
with Richard at school tomorrow.

This matter's out
of your hands now.

Yes, sir.

Hey, Wally, tell me something.

Now that Dad is gone,

did I really do the right
thing squealing on Richard?

Well, sure you did.

You can't let a guy get
away with junk like that.

Anyway, you practically got the
whole United States Constitution

backing up your squealing.

How'd you make out?

It was Richard Rickover.

Oh. Did Beaver come
right out and tell you?

No. He sort of let it slip out,

but I think he was
kind of glad he did.

Ward, why is it always so difficult
to get children to tell on others?

Well, don't forget. A kid'll do
anything to stay out of trouble,

even if he has to
start a fight to do it.

Well, I guess the only
thing left for me to do

is to call Richard's father

and tell him his son
is a sneaky little rat.

Ward, you're not going
to say that, are you?

No.

No, I think I'll put myself
in Mr. Rickover's place

and choose my words accordingly.

Ward, dear, do you think all
parents have this much trouble?

No, just parents with children.

Hey, Beaver.

Hi, Richard.

Hey, listen, Beaver.

I'm sorry I gave your
name to that policeman.

Yeah, well, that was
a pretty ratty trick.

Yeah, I know, but
that was the first time

I was even that
close to a policeman.

He was looking at me,
and he had me by the arm,

and I thought he was
gonna throw me in jail.

The next thing I knew,
I was saying I was you.

Gee, Richard.

Well, even if the policeman
would've thrown you in jail,

it still would've been you.

Yeah, I know, but I
wouldn't have been so scared

if everybody thought I
was Theodore Cleaver.

Well, it was still
a pretty dirty trick.

Yeah, I know. Hey, listen.

This isn't gonna stop us
from being friends, is it?

No, I guess not.

Did you tell them that Gilbert

was the other guy
throwing rocks with you?

Yeah, but I didn't want to,

except my father told me
it was the right thing to do.

Yeah, my father told me it was
the right thing to do to tell on you.

I guess most of the time,
when fathers are telling you stuff,

they're telling
you the right stuff.

Yeah, but sometimes it would
sound more like the right thing

if they didn't yell it at ya.

Yeah.

Hey, what do you want to do?

I don't know. What
do you want to do?

I don't know. I'll do
anything you want to do.