Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 4, Episode 27 - Beaver's Report Card - full transcript

Wally and Ward help Beaver with his homework since he is doing poorly in math. When his report card is hand delivered to the house, Eddie and Lumpy get it first and change the math grade from D- to B+. Ward and June are thrilled, but Beaver knows something is wrong-he just can't figure out what.

Starring...

and...

Well, dear, what was
new at the office today?

Uh, nothing.

You told me that yesterday.

Well, there was nothing
new at the office yesterday.

Something must
happen down there.

Ah, Mondays and
Fridays are our big days.

On Mondays, everybody's telling
what they did over the weekend,

and on Fridays,
everybody's telling

what they plan to
do on the weekend.



What do you tell them when
they ask you about your weekend?

Well, I used to
tell them the truth,

so now they don't
ask me anymore.

You know, dear,

that Wally is a very sweet boy.

What's he being a
sweet boy about now?

He's upstairs helping Beaver
with his arithmetic homework.

Well, that is nice of Wally.

Arithmetic's always been
Beaver's weakest subject.

Maybe I'll just, uh, drop up

and see how they're going along.

Why don't you
wait a while, dear?

Anyway, they're getting
along so well up there now.

Boy, Beaver!



How could you be
such a little dummy!

I've told ya before, ya
gotta invert the fractions

before you divide 'em!

Gee, Wally. If I
wanted to get yelled out,

I could've gone downstairs
and had Dad help me.

Never mind that. Now look.

Now let's take
that next problem.

Now, the first thing
you've gotta do

is turn the fractions
upside down.

Then how come they didn't

turn them upside-down
in the book for ya?

Beaver, let's face it.

You're a kid! They're not
gonna make it easy for ya.

Okay.

Okay, I've got the fraction
turned upside down.

Now what do I do?

Now you reduce 'em.

Oh, yeah. What's that?

Here, let me show ya.

Now, the 5 goes into
the 15 three times,

and 5 goes into the 5 once.

Three goes into the
21 seven times and 3...

Beaver, how do you ever
expect to learn anything,

if I'm gonna do all
your homework for ya?

Gee, I'm not worried
about learning anything.

I'm just worried about
getting by tomorrow.

Boy. Now, now, okay.

Now, let's take this
next problem here.

196 over 579.

Couldn't we take another one?

What for?

That one sounded like
the kind that comes out

with a whole bunch
of junk left over.

There's nothing wrong with having
a whole bunch of junk left over.

There is when you don't
know what to do with it.

Boy, Beaver.

You must be the dumbest
kid in your whole school!

I am not!

Well, I'm good in science,
and I'm good in history,

and I'm good in English!

And I was even
good in arithmetic

until I started having
problems with junk left over.

Beaver, when...

Well, fellas! How are we doing?

Crummy.

Boy, Dad, I don't
know how you and Mom

ever had such a stupid kid.

Well, now, Wally, I don't think

that's a very nice attitude
to take towards your brother.

Neither do I, Dad.

I try real hard in arithmetic,

but I'm just not
getting anyplace.

Well, I'll tell you
what, Beaver.

The next few nights,
I'll help you all I can.

And, uh, let's
see if we can't pull

that mark up a little
on the next report card.

Gee, Dad, that'd be neat.

Well, how are we doing
with our homework?

Dad's taking over.

He's gonna help
Beaver all this week.

Well, I hope these
homework sessions

are going to be after supper.

Well, why do you say that?

You know Beaver can't
eat properly if he's crying.

Now, Beaver, try
to concentrate, son.

They give you a 71.

Now, they want to know
what percent that is of 197.

Gee, Dad, I don't know.

Look, son, they
give you the answer.

They just want to know
how you arrive at it.

Yeah, but I think
I'd be better off

if they didn't give
me the answer.

At least then I'd
have someplace to go.

Your father helping Beaver
with his homework tonight?

Yeah, he started
right after supper.

Hey, Mom, could I
have a glass of water?

You thirsty, Beaver?

Oh, it's not for
me. It's for Dad.

He's got a headache from
helping me with my homework.

Wally, I'll finish up here
and put the dishes away

if you're going to
the library tonight.

Oh, no, Mom. I'm not going.

I want to be here in case
Dad goes through the ceiling.

How's that, Dad?

Well, that's an
improvement all right.

Dad, in business, how often
do you have to invert fractions?

- Well, uh, almost
never, Beaver,

but that's not the question.

You see, doing
problems like these

teaches you how to think,

and it prepares you
for your future life.

Gee, I didn't know school
prepared you for anything.

I thought it was just something
you had to sit through.

Hurry up, boys!

You don't want to be late
for school this morning!

Here you are, Wally.

Will you be home
early from school?

I don't know. I might mess
around with Eddie and Lumpy.

Doing what?

Gee, Mom, if I knew
what we were going to do,

it wouldn't be any fun to do it.

So long, Mom.

So long.

Beaver!

Oh, hi. Here you are, Beav.

You have your
arithmetic homework?

Sure, Mom. It's right here
in my geography book.

Thanks for the neat breakfast.

I'll see you right after school.

Mm-hm. Oh, Beav,
here's an excuse

so you can get out
of school early today.

Huh?

You have a dentist appointment.

I'll pick you up at
school right after lunch.

Oh. What's the dentist
gonna do, Mom?

He's just going to
look at your teeth.

Gee, he's been
looking at my teeth

ever since I was a baby.

I'll bet he knows
them better than I do.

Beaver, it looks as if you didn't
even comb your hair this morning.

Oh, I know. I spent ten minutes

getting it to look
like I didn't comb it.

Oh, did they both
get off to school?

Uh-huh.

How's Beaver been
doing with his arithmetic

since you've been
helping him? Honey.

Oh, uh, he's
doing a little better.

He says report cards
are due any day now.

That should give
us some indication.

Yeah, anybody could've
run like that on a dry track.

Yeah, but he was
still pretty good.

I could've done it.

Hey, look, I'm gonna go
up and change my clothes.

You guys wanna come up?

Is there anybody home?

No, my mom took
Beaver to the dentist.

Uh, then we'll hang
around down here,

as long as there's
no wardens around

to give us the fish eye.

Just don't go wrecking
anything, okay?

Okay, okay.

Hey, Eddie, you know
Kathleen Hartser?

Yeah, I know Kathleen Hartser.

What do you think would
happen if I asked her for a date?

She'd burst out laughing.

Oh, come on,
Eddie! I'm not kidding.

Neither am I.

Hey, Lump, Wally ought to
be in his underwear by now.

So what?

So we'll holler up the stairs

that the house is on fire.

What fun is that?

Well, he might go ape
and jump out the window.

Yeah, but you know Wally.

He might come downstairs
and start slugging us.

Yeah, that's right.

We'd better save it for
some guy that's chicken.

Hey, would one of
you guys get that?

Okay.

Hey, Lump, look who's here.

It's Gilbert the goon.

I came to see Beaver.

Beaver's not home.

Well, um, is Mrs. Cleaver home?

What are you doing,
selling Girl Scout cookies?

No. Miss Landers gave out
the report cards after school,

and Beaver wasn't there, so she
asked me to bring it by his house.

Yeah, well, hand it
over. We'll give it to him.

No, I think I'm only supposed
to give it to a grownup.

Well, who do you think
we are, the Lennon Sisters?

Look, Wally's upstairs.

We'll give him
Beaver's report card.

Well, as long as his brother
gets it, I guess it's okay.

What are you staring
at me for, Gilbert?

Well, my mother keeps telling me

not to grow up like you,

and I just wanted to
see what she meant.

Boy, if there's one thing I
can't stand, it's a wise guy!

Me neither. I'll put it in here.

Hey, uh, let's take a look
at Beaver's report card

and see how the
little squirt's doing.

Yeah, if he flunks some stuff,

we can give him the business.

Citizenship A-, Courtesy B+.

Boy, how do you
like that weasel?

History B-, Geography
B+, Reading B, Science B,

Arithmetic D-.

Hey, how do you
like that last one?

D-!

Boy, now we've really
got something on him.

Hey, wait a minute!
I've got an idea.

We're gonna change the mark.

All it takes is
just... two little lines.

Boy, Eddie, you're a genius.

Yeah.

Well, what good is
it raising his mark?

Well, don't you see?

He'll go around telling
his parents and everybody

that he got a B+.

Then, when they find
out his real mark, pow!

They'll clobber him!

That'll teach him to
get an A in Citizenship.

Hey, what are you
guys doing in here?

Nothing.

Uh, Gilbert came
by with an envelope

with your brother's
report card in it.

It's right on your pop's desk.

Oh.

Come on, let's go.

Hey, where are we going, anyway?

I don't know, Sam. I
thought you'd know.

Well, I don't know.
I thought you knew.

Why don't we just keep
walking 'til something happens?

Okay by me.

What are you doing in here?

Oh, uh, this is
Beaver's report card.

I found it on my
desk. Listen to this.

Citizenship A-, Courtesy
B+, History B-, Geography B+,

Reading B, Science
B, Arithmetic B+.

Arithmetic B+?

Well, that's wonderful!

Well, that just shows what
he can do when he really tries.

Well, I think you
deserve a lot of the credit.

Oh, no. I, I encouraged
him, but he did the work.

You know, I think
this kind of effort

calls for some sort
of very special reward.

What about that model
airplane kit he's been wanting?

Yeah, that'd do fine.

You know, I'm so
proud of him, Ward.

It's just wonderful raising
his arithmetic grade like this.

Beaver, what's
the matter with ya?

You've been standing there staring
at that report card for ten minutes now.

I know. I was just looking
at the B+ in arithmetic.

Well, what about it?

Well, that's my worst subject.

On the tests, I got a
70, and a 64, and a 52.

That doesn't add up to a B+.

Well, maybe Miss Landers gave
you some extra points for neatness.

Gee, I don't know. It'd be
pretty hard to be that neat.

I'm pretty crummy in neatness.

Maybe I ought to
ask her about it.

Well, look, Beaver. You
got a B+ on the report card.

Mom and Dad are
making a big fuss over it,

and you're getting
that plane kit.

Now, what do you want
to go asking about it for?

I don't know. It just looks
funny to me, that's all.

Look, look. Now, when
something bad happens in school,

you keep your mouth shut, right?

Yeah.

Well, if something good happens,

you should keep
your mouth shut, too.

You think so, Wally?

Well, sure. Look, I've been
going to school all my life.

You can't get in any trouble
by keeping your mouth shut.

Yeah. All right.

All right, fine. Yeah.

Yeah, about 5:00.

Thank you very much.

They still have the
plane kit Beaver wanted?

Yeah, I'm going to pick it up
tomorrow on the way home.

You know, Ward, for
getting such a report card,

the Beaver certainly isn't doing
much boasting about it, is he?

Well, that's just the
Cleaver modesty.

All my family was that way.

I know. You've
told me that before.

In fact, you're always bragging
about the Cleaver modesty.

Hi, Mom.

Well, hello, Wally. Aren't
you home early today?

Yeah.

The teachers are having

some kind of a seminar
in the auditorium.

A seminar?

Yeah. Eddie says that that means

that a bunch of the big shots

from the Board of
Education come over

and tell the teachers
to get on the ball.

That Eddie certainly knows
everything, doesn't he?

Well, he thinks he does, and I
guess that's enough for Eddie.

Can I get you something?

Oh, no thanks, Mom.

I'm just looking the
stuff over in here.

I'm not really hungry,

but I might run across something

that would really flip me.

Hello? Oh, hello, Miss Landers.

Hello, Mrs. Cleaver.

We're having our
parent-teachers' meeting Thursday,

and Mrs. Rayburn wondered
if you'd be a hostess.

Oh, I'd be happy
to. That's Thursday?

Yes. Mrs. Rayburn
will appreciate it,

and I'm looking forward to
seeing you, Mrs. Cleaver.

Thank you.

So long, Mom.

Oh, Miss Landers, Mr. Cleaver
and I are just delighted

with Beaver's grade
in arithmetic, the B+.

B+?

Oh, you can't mean
arithmetic, Mrs. Cleaver.

That's Theodore's
one poor subject.

In fact, I distinctly remember
having to give him a D-.

You gave him a D-?

I know he's been trying hard,

but he failed two tests.

Oh.

Well, look, Miss Landers,

I know you're very busy,

and perhaps we could talk

a little bit more about
this on Thursday.

Bye.

June! Oh, June!

Hi. Hey, I got it.

It's a great little plane
kit. Where's Beaver?

I want to give it
to him right away.

Honey, he's upstairs,

but there's something I think
we ought to talk about first.

- Huh?
- Come on.

What's up?

Well, Miss Landers called
me today about a meeting,

and I mentioned
Beaver's B+ in arithmetic.

Yeah?

She said he didn't get a B+.

She gave him a D-.

Well, did you tell her he
had a B+ on his report card?

Well, no. I wanted
to talk to you first.

Do you suppose she
could have made a mistake

and put the mark down wrong?

Well, I guess she
could have, but I doubt it.

Where is that
report card anyway?

It's still in your desk drawer.

Why, that little schemer!

What do you mean?

Look at that. The oldest
trick in schoolboy history.

Beaver took a pen,
and with just two marks,

he made a D-into a B+.

You see there? The color of
the ink's just a shade different.

Oh, Ward, I can hardly believe

Beaver'd do something like this.

Well, he was probably desperate.

We put so much pressure
on him about arithmetic.

Well, didn't he
know he'd get caught

when he took the card back?

Well, I guess when you're a kid

and see a chance to stall
off trouble for even an hour,

you tend to ignore the fact

that you're probably
going to be caught.

Well, Ward, I guess
you'd better talk to him.

Yeah, I guess I'd better.

Beaver!

Beaver, would you come
down here right away?

Okay, Dad! You think he
brought home my model plane?

Oh, I don't know.

It's a funny way to call ya

if he's bringing home a present.

What are you doing?

I'm checking to see if any of
these other grades are changed.

You're acting like a detective.

Sometimes you have to,
to stay ahead of your kids.

Hi, Dad. I see you got home.

Yes, I got home.

Is that the model plane?

Yes, that's the model airplane.

Why did you do it, Beaver?

Come downstairs?

On account of Dad called me.

Beaver, on your
report card here,

it shows a B+ in arithmetic.

Yes, sir.

Is that the mark you
think you deserved?

Well, I didn't really think so,

but I didn't want
to make a big fuss.

Oh, you didn't?

A guy shouldn't ought to tell his
teacher she goofed something up.

She might think I
was calling her dumb,

and get mad, and flunk
me in all my subjects.

Beaver, I don't think that's a
very good explanation at all!

Neither do I, but I'm not
very good at explanations.

Beaver, I spoke to
Miss Landers today.

She didn't give you a
B+. She gave you a D-!

Then how come it came out a B+?

We know how it came out a B+.

The mark was changed.

Yeah, it was changed all right.

I wonder who did that.

Well, we know that, too.

Look, son, I can
see how it happened.

You saw that D-, and you knew

that when I saw
it, I'd be upset.

So, to keep out of trouble,

you took a pen and
changed the mark.

Now, isn't that what happened?

What happens if I say no?

You're in a lot worse
trouble than you're in now.

Then I don't know what to say.

Oh, Beaver!

Why don't you
just come right out

and say you changed the mark?

'Cause I don't
want to be a liar.

Beaver, are you really
going to stick to that story?

Gee, Dad, when it's
the only story you've got,

you've gotta stick to it.

All right, son.

I don't want to hear
anymore about it now

or discuss it any further.

You go on up to your
room and wait there

while your mother
and I talk about this.

Yes, sir.

Don't worry, Dad.

I won't run away or anything.

I'll give you and Mom
plenty of time to decide

how to be mean to me.

Ward, Beaver's always admitted
before when he was wrong.

Now, why is he
sticking to this story?

I don't know.

Probably because
he's growing up.

Hey, Beav, where's your present?

Gee, Wally.

What'd you want to go
and be a wise guy for?

Hey, what's the matter?

Dad thinks I changed my grade
in arithmetic from a Dto a B+.

Gee, Beaver. I know you
wouldn't do anything like that.

How come you
didn't just tell him

that you didn't do it?

Well, I kept telling them.

What's the good of
telling them anything

if they've got it in their mind

that you're a no-good kid?

But, heck, Dad's
usually pretty fair.

How come they're so sure
that the mark was changed?

He showed me the
report card and everything.

It's even got a
different color ink.

Hey, Wally?

Yeah?

You think maybe an
angel could've changed it?

Nah. Angels just save
guys from drowning and stuff.

They never mess
with report cards.

Hey, you know, you know,
I was just thinking here.

Eddie and Lumpy
were hanging around

when Gilbert brought
the report card over.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

I think I'll go over and
have a talk with that Eddie.

Gee, Wally.

Why would he change a
mark on my report card?

He's your best friend.

Yeah, I know he's
my best friend,

and I also know
he's a crummy creep.

Yes, Eddie.

Yeah, I see, Eddie.

Well, I think that was
about the worst joke

I ever heard of.

Oh, I agree with
you, Mr. Cleaver, sir.

I probably wouldn't have done it

if Clarence hadn't have
been there to urge me on.

I hope that my calling like this

will keep you from harboring
a grudge against me.

All right, Eddie.

But if you ever pull
a trick like this again,

I don't want to ever see
you around this house.

Do you understand?

Oh, yes, sir.

Uh, thank you for
being so understanding.

Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

Is that good enough
for you, Wally?

Yeah, that was just
about good enough, Eddie.

If you ever pull another
trick like this again,

I'm gonna murder ya!

Okay, okay, but you're
gonna have to stand in line,

because your pop's
gonna murder me first.

Eddie admitted it, huh?

Yeah, but, uh... I
somehow got the impression

that Wally was around somewhere

twisting his arm a little.

Well, you told
Beaver he was wrong.

Now, I guess you're going
to have to tell him he's right.

Yeah.

You know, it's so easy to
tell them when they're wrong

and so hard to tell
them when they're right.

I'll go with you, dear.

We'll tell him together.

I just hope Beaver
will forgive us.

Well, we've got one good
thing working for us here.

When a kid's Beaver's age,

you can be pretty wrong
or pretty unjust to him

and still wind up
with a great big hug.

You think Beaver's
outgrown that stage?

Oh, I hope not. I'll be
pretty disappointed if he has.

Hey, Beav! Hey, Beaver!

Hi, Gilbert.

Hi, Beav.

How come you didn't
ring the doorbell?

Well, I didn't know
if you were home,

and I didn't want to
talk to any grownups.

Hey, Beav, I haven't seen
you for a couple of days.

- What's new?
- Well, you know

when you gave my report
card to Lumpy and Eddie?

Well, they changed my
arithmetic grade from a D-to a B+.

Then my father
brought me a present,

but he didn't give it to me

on account of
he thought I did it,

and so he yelled at me.

But then he found out
Eddie and Lumpy did it,

so he said he was
sorry, and I said okay,

but I didn't get the
present anyways,

on account of I got a D-.

Oh.

What's new with you?

Nothing new with me, either.