Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 4, Episode 26 - Eddie Spends the Night - full transcript

Starring...

and...

June!

Oh, hi.

Hi!

You didn't bring
your briefcase home.

Oh, well, of course not.

I was the last one
to leave the office.

Well, what does that
have to do with it?

Well, what's the good of
lugging a briefcase home

if there's no one there to see
how conscientious you are?



What are you gonna
do Monday morning?

Uh, well, I guess
I'll just have to be

the first one at the office.

- Everybody home?
- Yes, Wally and the Beaver

are up in their room
with Eddie Haskell.

Eddie Haskell? What's he up to?

Well, now, maybe
we shouldn't assume

he's up to something
every time he comes around.

Yeah, you're
probably right, June.

I supposed we ought to
look for the good in Eddie,

no matter how big
a project it seems.

Look, Sam, your
pop just came home.

Are you gonna go
down and ask him or not?

Yeah, I'm gonna go
down and ask him,



but why don't you come
with me while I ask him?

What's the matter?
You afraid of your father?

No, I'm not afraid of him.

Then why won't you
ask him by yourself?

Well, look, you're the one
that wants me to ask him,

so you ought to be
there while I'm asking him.

Yeah, I think you
ought to be there

while he's asking him, too.

Who asked you to
horn in on the asking?

Come on, Eddie.
We'll both go ask him.

Not me. Your father
doesn't like me.

Well, why would you say that?

Well, on account of
the way he looks at me

when he opens the door.

Sometimes I think
he'd be happier

to see Khrushchev
standing there.

Okay, I'll go down
and ask him by myself.

That's a great brother
you've got there, squirt.

Yeah, I think he is.

A little chicken, but great.

Oh, hey, Eddie.

Yeah?

Well, uh, what's
he gonna go down

and ask my father anyways?

He's gonna ask him if
I can spend the night.

What? You spend the night here?

What? Eddie Haskell
spend the night here?

Well, gee, Dad. It's
only for one night.

Well, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to sound
like it was a catastrophe.

It just sort of took
me by surprise.

Come to think of it,

Eddie never has spent
a night here before.

Well, he's wanted to
stay here lots of times,

except this is the first time

I've had nerve
enough to ask you.

Anyway, I kind of
owe Eddie a night here.

I've stayed over there
three or four times.

Oh, but Eddie's mother
likes to have you over there.

She says you're such a
good influence on Eddie.

Gee, Mom, what'd
you have to say that for?

You make me feel creepy.

Well, son, I
guess it's all right

if you have Eddie
spend the night.

Gee, thanks a lot, Dad.

I'll put Beaver in
the guest room.

Uh, remember, no horsing around.

Well, gee, Dad. We don't
do stuff like that anymore.

We're in high school.

Oh, that's right. I forgot.

You suppose it's all
right with Eddie's parents?

Well, now, if you
were Eddie's parents

and had a chance to
palm him off on someone,

how would you feel?

I guess it's all right
with Eddie's parents.

- Hey, Beaver.
- What, Eddie?

Did anybody ever tell you
that you look like Sal Mineo?

Gee, no, Eddie.

Well, I'm not surprised
because you don't.

Ahh.

Hey, Eddie, my
dad says it's okay.

You can stay.

Yeah? Did he blow his top first?

Well, no. He just
said you could stay.

Mm, me being polite to
him must have finally paid off.

Aw, cut it out.

Hey, you'd better
call your parents

and tell them you're staying.

What for?

I don't have to check
in with the warden

every time I make a move.

Gee, if I ever stayed
overnight at anybody's house

and didn't call my
dad, he'd kill me.

That's on account of
he loves me so much.

Look, why should I
do my parents a favor

and call them?

If you start treatin'
them too good,

the next thing you know,
they'll start pushing you around.

Eddie?

Yes, sir, Mr. Cleaver?

Eddie, I think you
should call your father

and tell him you're
spending the night here.

Uh, yes, sir, Mr. Cleaver.

I was just talking to
Wallace and Theodore

about that very thing.
I'll call him at once.

That's a good boy.

Well, I thought we got
through dinner very nicely.

Yeah, no incidents.

Of course, that's the
Eddie Haskell pattern:

the epitome of graciousness
in front of the parents.

If he just wouldn't be
so obvious about it.

Especially when he cut
Beaver's meat for him.

I just hope he isn't
up to something,

wanting to spend the night.

Well, let's face it, dear.

Wally and Eddie
have been friends

for four or five years now.

Nothing's ever really happened.

But Eddie has
that look about him

that makes you think something
is always about to happen.

Yeah, he does that, doesn't he?

You know, it's too bad

we can't pick out
a friend for Wally,

some nice boy with
all the right qualities,

who always behaves himself.

Yeah, the only trouble is if
we did find a boy like that,

he probably wouldn't have
anything to do with Wally.

Did Eddie call his parents

to say he was
spending the night?

Well, I made a
point of telling him to,

so I guess he did.

Wally and Eddie
going out tonight?

No, they're staying home.

On a Friday night?

Well, Wally had a date lined up,

but they were having a little
trouble getting Eddie one.

Oh.

Yes, they called six girls,
and they all had headaches.

So, they decided to stay
home and play chess.

Eddie plays chess?

Oh, yes.

Told me his father
taught him the game,

'cause it might come in
handy sometime in business.

Oh, sure. Well, there's
no sense learning anything,

you know, that won't get
you ahead in the world.

Whose turn is it to jump?

We're playing
chess, not checkers.

Oh.

Then whose turn is
it to do something?

Will you be quiet?

This is a game for
grownups, not runts.

Look, Eddie. Are you just
doing that so I can't concentrate?

Well, sure. What else?

Did you learn that
from your father, too?

Look, kid. One of these days,
I'm gonna yank your head off

and put it on backwards!

Come on, Eddie.
Quit picking on him.

He's not bothering anybody.

Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute!

Was I looking when
you took my bishop?

Well, sure you were looking.

Okay, I'll take
your word for it.

Well, now, what
kind of a crack is that?

Nothing, but just
try to remember

that I'm a guest in your home.

Well, so what?

So, don't take any of my men

when my back is
turned, so that's what.

Look, Eddie... Gee,
Eddie, you were looking

every time Wally
took one of your guys,

but he didn't even see it

when you snuck his
castle thing off the board!

Will you scram outta here?

He doesn't have
to scram outta here.

He's got just as much
right in here as you have.

Oh, yeah? What
kind of a host are you?

If I wanted to get
shoved around,

I could've stayed at home.

Look, Eddie, do you
want to play or not?

I'm thinking, I'm thinking.

Er, uh, are you sure you
want to make that move?

Look, Sam, you play your
game, and I'll play mine.

Okay. Check and checkmate.

What do you mean?

Oh, how careless of me.

It's okay, Eddie.
The game was over.

I won.

What do you mean you won?
Show me where it says you won.

Well, you know I won.

That's why you tipped
the board over on purpose.

Yeah, I saw you
do it on purpose.

I did not! And besides,

I don't go for playing
with guys that cheat.

What are you talking about?

You heard me.

And then getting your
creepy brother to...

To psycho me
so I couldn't think.

Okay, Eddie, I've had it!
Why don't you go home?

- What?
- You heard me.

Get on outta here before
I have to throw you out!

And just what makes you think

you're a big
enough man to do it?

This is what makes me think so.

Okay, okay. You don't
have to start a war.

Well, you're sure a crummy host.

You're a crummy
chess player, too.

Boy, Wally. That's a shame.

What, that Eddie went home?

No, that you didn't get
a chance to sock him.

Eddie.

Uh, goodnight, Mr. Cleaver.

Where are you going?

Well, home.

Home?

Well, I thought you were
going to spend the night.

Well, I was, Mrs. Cleaver,

and it was very nice of you
to extend me the invitation.

Well then why are you leaving?

Well, I'd rather not say, sir.

I don't believe
in carrying tales.

Well, Eddie, if there's
something wrong,

we'd like to know what it is.

Well, all right,
sir, if you insist.

I insist.

Wally and Beaver
were mean to me.

Well, I knew it was
too good to last.

Well, Wally, I don't think

it was very nice of
you to fight with Eddie

after you invited
him to stay the night.

Gee, Dad, Eddie
started the whole thing

when we were playing chess.

Yeah, Dad. You
should've been here.

First, he was singing while
Wally was trying to think.

Singing?

Yeah. He went...

Boy, that's enough
to get anybody.

Well, I can see how
it'd be a little annoying,

but I don't think
it's any reason

to fight with a guest.

Well, gee, Dad. Then
he said all this stuff

about me cheating
and everything.

And then when Wally won,

Eddie knocked the chessboard
on the floor on purpose.

Yeah, every time I beat
him, he acts like a big baby.

Well, son, if he
does all these things,

why do you play chess with him?

Well, gee, Dad, 'cause
he's my best friend.

Boy, Dad, you
should've been here.

Well, first, Wally
told Eddie to get out,

and then Eddie said,
"Who's gonna make me?"

Then Wally held up his fist,

and then just when
things were getting good,

Eddie went and chickened out.

Gee, Dad, I, I tried
not to get sore at him,

but I just couldn't help it.

All right, son.

I guess I can understand
how it happened.

But look, in the future,

let's just not ask Eddie
to spend the night, huh?

Oh, that's okay with me, Dad.

Okay.

Yeah, he makes enough trouble

just coming around
in the daytime.

Hey, Beav, you want me to
teach you how to play chess?

Nah, I don't think so, Wally.

I don't like a game with
that much fighting in it.

What's the verdict?

Well, it was, uh,
just like we thought.

Eddie started the whole thing.

You made sure?

Well, Wally told
me what happened.

Beaver backed him up.

Hey, you know,
uh, with a little luck,

this could turn into
a permanent break.

Well, I just hope it
doesn't cause bad feelings

between us and the Haskells.

You know, they're
both so positive

their son can do no wrong.

It's too bad they can't know
dear little Eddie like we do.

How can they?
They're his parents.

I'll get it.

That's probably Eddie
calling from his house,

trying to make up with Wally.

Hello.

Ward, Frank Haskell.

I'll have to make
this rather short.

I'm calling long
distance from Freeport.

From up there?

Who is it?

It's Eddie Haskell's father.

Uh, listen, Frank.

If you want to speak to Eddie...

No, no, that isn't necessary.

I just want to thank you for
letting Eddie spend the night.

Mrs. Haskell and I sure
feel much better up here,

knowing he's in your care.

Uh, well, thanks.

Ward, tell him it
wasn't Wally's fault.

June, please.

Ward, don't say
anything to Eddie,

but you know how kids are.

Oh, he's a big boy and all that,

but he gets a little bit edgy

when he's all by
himself at home.

He's always been the timid type.

Oh, yes. Yes,
we've noticed that.

Uh, uh, but Frank,
as a matter of fact...

Oh, Ward, be sure
and have him say hello

to Mrs. Haskell
for us, would you?

What'd you say, Ward?

Oh, uh, nothing, nothing, Frank.

Uh, June was
sending her regards.

And the best to you
and the Missus, too.

It sure is a comfort to know

that he's safe at
home in your hands.

Well, thanks.

No, many thanks to you again.

Bye.

Well, but, but, Frank.

Well... What's the matter?

Well, it seems that both
Mr. and Mrs. Haskell

are up in Freeport,

and we've got to get
shy, timid little Eddie

back here to spend the night.

Golly, Dad.

You mean, I've gotta
go over to Eddie's house

and invite him to
come back here?

But, Wally, it's all we can do.

But, Dad, everybody
was so happy when he left.

That's not the point, Beaver.

Well, well, how come you...

You just didn't tell Mr. Haskell

that Eddie wasn't here?

Well, I was going to, Wally,

but, well, he didn't
give me a chance;

and, anyway, I didn't
want to worry him.

Now look. The easy thing to do

is just to get Eddie
back over here.

After all, we can't let
them go on thinking

their son is here,
when he's not, can we?

Well, why can't we, Dad?

Because, Beaver,
your mother and I

feel a sense of responsibility,

as parents and as
friends of the Haskells.

Do you understand?

Gee, Dad, I have enough trouble

understanding kids' messes,

without trying to understand
grown-up messes.

Well, come on, Wally.
I'll, uh, I'll drive you over.

Well, okay, but,

but I've really gotta ask
Eddie to come back here, huh?

Well, son, it's the
right thing to do.

Can I go, too, Dad?

What for?

Eddie just might get beat up

by Wally's trying
to do the right thing.

I think you'd better stay here

and keep your mother company.

Every time something
good happens,

I've gotta stay here and
keep my mother company.

Come on, Wally.

Hey, Mom?

Yes?

How do guys like Eddie
get to be guys like Eddie?

I don't quite know
what you mean.

Well, you know, all
that polite business,

and smiling at everybody,
and saying hello,

and calling Dad
sir and Mr. Cleaver.

Well, you know, Beaver,

there's nothing wrong
with being polite.

Yeah, but somehow
when Eddie's polite,

I always think the
guy he's being polite to

is getting the worst of it.

Well, you know,
Beaver, I'm not sure,

but I think this polite
business with Eddie

is sort of a camouflage.

Camouflage?

- Mm-hm.
- Well, gee, Mom.

Do you mean like when they
paint stripes on airplanes?

I mean, sort of a
cover-up for another Eddie.

Gosh, Mom. You mean,
there's another Eddie?

Well, Beaver, in
a sense there is,

and I'm afraid we
don't know him.

Well, maybe we ought
to get to know him,

'cause he couldn't be any
worse than the one we know.

Yes, Beaver. Maybe we should.

Hey, Dad. Hey,
look at all the lights!

Hey, hey, maybe he's
got company, huh?

Uh, I don't think so.

Well, well, well, heck,

he could've invited
somebody over.

You know he didn't.

Well, gee, there's a
couple of new guys at school

that aren't wise to him yet.
Maybe he called them up.

Now, Wally, Eddie's
father told me that Eddie's,

uh, kind of nervous
about being alone,

and that's why he
has all the lights on.

Oh.

You know, it sure
is tough being nice

to a guy that you
just had a beef with.

I know it is.

It's even tougher

when you're dealing
with a wise guy like Eddie.

Go ahead. Go on.

Well, I just hope he doesn't
take a poke at me or something.

I'd sure hate to
have to clobber him

right on his own front porch.

Who's there?

It's me, Eddie. Wally.

I don't want to talk to
you, you miserable rat.

Come on. Open up, Eddie.

Well, okay.

What do you want?

Well, my, my father's
outside, and, and we want you

to come on back to the
house and spend the weekend.

Yeah? How come?

Well, we just want
you to, that's all.

Oh, your father's making
you apologize to me

for being such a miserable rat.

Well, look, Eddie, if
you don't want to come,

I mean, forget it. At
least we asked you.

Well, wait a minute.

You don't have to start
being such a sorehead.

I just might come.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Of course, I'll have to go up

and tell my father first.

Your father?

Yeah. He's upstairs
in his bedroom reading.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure.

I'll try to talk him into it.

He's pretty sore about what
happened to me over at your place.

Look, Dad, if I'm willing
to forgive the Cleavers,

I think that you should be
big enough to do likewise.

What's that? I'm sorry, Dad.

I can't go along
with your thinking.

I'm going to spend the
weekend at the Cleavers,

and that's the
way it's going to be.

So long.

Ah, the old boy gets
pretty stubborn at times,

but I straightened him out.

Let's go.

I'll be right with you, Wally.

Let's go.

Hey, Eddie, um, how come
you turned all the lights out?

What's wrong with that?

Well, I, uh, I thought your
father was upstairs reading.

Oh, he is.

Uh, it's just kind
of a little gag

we play on each other.

I turn the lights out on
him while he's reading,

and then he turns
the lights out on me

while I'm doing homework.

We have a lot of
laughs that way.

Good evening, Mrs. Cleaver.

Well, hello, Eddie.

We're glad you
decided to come back.

Well, thank you. I thought it
was the mature thing to do.

Yes, well, um, I think you boys

better be getting ready for bed.

It's getting rather late.

Yes, ma'am.

Good night, Mom.
Good night, Dad.

Good night, son.

Good night, Mrs.
Cleaver. Good night, sir.

Good night, Eddie.

Good night.

Well, Ward, I'm glad we did it.

Now we can go to sleep

knowing that Eddie's
parents won't be worried.

Yeah, I think we
acted in the line of duty,

and citations have been
awarded for a lot less.

Hey, Mom!

Beaver.

Was that Eddie that
just went down the hall?

Yes, that was Eddie.

Oh, I thought I was having
a nightmare or something.

Goodnight, Beav.

That was a very
delicious breakfast,

Mrs. Cleaver.

Well, thank you, Eddie.
Did you have enough?

Uh, yes ma'am, plenty.

And to show our appreciation,
we'll do the dishes.

What do you mean, we?

Well, you and I and the Beaver.

Well, that'll suit us just fine.

Yes, your father and
I are going shopping.

Thank you, Eddie. That
was a very nice gesture.

You're welcome, Mrs. Cleaver.

Okay, Eddie. What
are you pulling now?

Well, I'm not pulling anything.

We're gonna do the dishes.

Oh, you mean that Beaver and I

are gonna end up
doing the dishes

while you're goofing
off someplace, huh?

Well, look. I'm putting
the water in the sink.

I'm gonna do the tough part.

I'm gonna wash.

Gee, Wally, he's
really doing it.

Yeah.

A guy tries to
do the right thing,

and you guys get all shook up.

Oh, we were just
going by the creepy way

that you usually act.

Yeah. Even the bad
guys on television

don't do anything nice

unless they're gonna
croak or something.

Come on, bring me the dishes.

Come on, let's get
some action going, men.

Well, come on! Hut, 2, 3, 4.

Well, that just about does it.

You got everything put away?

Yeah, everything's all put away.

Okay then, hang up
your towel real neat.

What are you, a couple of slobs?

I'll get it.

Hey, Eddie.

Yeah?

How come you
made up all that junk?

What junk?

About your father
being home last night.

What do you know about it?

Everybody knows about it.

The whole thing
was just a big fake

on account of you were
afraid to stay home alone.

Well, it's not so
bad to be afraid.

I get afraid sometimes, too.

Well, it's not
that I was afraid.

It's just that, well,
I feel kind of weird

when I've gotta be
anyplace by myself.

Gee, Eddie.

I didn't know you ever
felt weird about anything.

Yeah, Beaver. When
I'm around other people,

I can act like a big shot
and get away with it.

Yeah, you're real good at that.

Yeah, but it's not good in life

for a guy to act like
a big shot to himself.

Yeah.

I guess even a creep's
gotta have friends.

Hi, Mom.

Well, hello, Beaver.

Oh, where's Dad?

He and Wally took Eddie home.

Oh. Did they have another fight?

No.

Eddie's parents came
home from Freeport.

Oh.

Hey, Mom, uh, you
know how you were saying

there might be another Eddie?

Yes.

Well, I think I might
have seen him.

You mean last night

when you thought
you had a nightmare?

No, this morning when
we were doing the dishes.

The other Eddie
wasn't there for long,

but he was there all right.

Well, maybe Eddie
really is going to change.

No, I don't think so, Mom.

Why do you say that?

Well, about a half hour later,

I offered him a
piece of my candy,

and he rubbed it in my hair.

So, I guess the old
Eddie is gonna be with us

for a while longer.

Oh, for heaven's sakes.

Beaver! Did you tell Wally?

No. I just combed it out.

I didn't want to start
a whole big thing.