Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 4, Episode 20 - Beaver's Tonsils - full transcript

Beaver loses his fear of a possible operation to remove his swollen tonsils when Ward reminisces about his own boyhood tonsillectomy. In fact, Beaver is so impressed by Ward's story of ice cream, pretty nurses and gifts that he can't wait to have the operation himself...even if he doesn't need it!

Starring...

and...

What's in the paper, Ward?

Nothing.

Then why have
you been reading it

for the last 20 minutes?

Well, you have to read it before
you know there's nothing in it.

Oh.

Good morning, Wally.

Good morning, Mom.

Morning. Hi, Dad.



Hey, could I see the paper, Dad?

There's nothing in it.

Do you want one
egg or two, Wally?

Two, and a couple
hunks of bacon, please.

Hey, Dad, look.

There's a picture of the mayor

standing with a
girl in a bathing suit.

Oh yeah, that's Miss
South Bay Shopping Center.

You know, last week,

the mayor was standing
with a girl in a bathing suit.

I've never seen a picture of him

when he wasn't standing
with a girl in a bathing suit.

Well, I guess that's one of the
hazards of political life, Wally.

Here you are, Wally...



Two eggs and a
coupla hunks of bacon.

You want milk?

Yeah, okay.

All right.

Oh, uh, by the
way, Beaver's sick.

He's sick?

Yeah. I don't think
he's faking or anything

because he's got all
his homework done.

Well, did he say
what the trouble was?

Well, I asked him,

and he said he felt like
he was gonna croak.

Would you pass the
salt, please, Dad?

Well, I better go up and
see what the trouble is.

Thank you.

Was Beaver all right last night?

Yeah, he was okay.

Except he was kinda
talking in his sleep.

Well, what was he talking about?

Well, I think he was singing
the Wyatt Earp theme song.

Of course, he coulda
been just groaning.

Beaver, Wally
said you were sick.

That's right, MMom.

My throat really hurts,
and my feet feel kinda achy.

You do feel like
you have a fever.

And I've got all kinds of
spots in front of my eyes.

Maybe I got the
measles on my eyeballs.

Well, let me see your throat.

Ahh.

It is red.

Aren't guys' throats
supposed to be red?

They're supposed to be red,

but they're not
supposed to be inflamed.

Does it hurt when you swallow?

Oh, yeah, Mom.

It feels like my knee did
the time that I skinned it.

Well, how's it going, Beaver?

Not so good, Dad.
I feel really rotten.

He seems to have a
fever, and his throat hurts.

Well, you'd better
call Dr. Kirby.

Will he stick that
gagger down my throat?

Beaver, all you have to
do is open your mouth wide

and you won't even notice it.

Well, last time I
opened real wide,

and he tricked me and he
pushed it down even further.

Now look Beaver,
when Dr. Kirby gets here,

I want you to behave yourself.

Yes, sir.

I'll see you tonight.

Bye, dear.

Bye, honey.

Good-bye, Dad.

Hey, Mom?

When Dr. Kirby gets here,

I hope he doesn't tell
me to be a little soldier.

Why not, Beaver?

Because when he
tells you to be that,

it always means
you're gonna get a shot.

There you are.

Hi, Dad. Hey, how's the Beaver?

Well, he seems to have a
sore throat and a temperature.

Hey, that's pretty good.

Good?

Yeah, he might get to
miss a whole week of school.

Beaver, Dr. Kirby's here.

Look who's here, Beaver.

Hello there, young fella.

I hear you're a little
under the weather.

No, sir, I just
don't feel so good.

Well, we'll have a look at that.

Well, you're not gonna stick that
gagger down my throat, are you?

I took his temperature
about an hour ago.

It was 101.

You're not gonna jam that
down my throat, are you?

No, I'm just going
to listen to your heart.

This won't hurt you.

What's the matter,
can't you find it?

Oh, it's there, all right.

Here, you listen.

How's that?

Boy, am I really doing all that?

Sure.

That's your heartbeat.

Gee, it sounds like
an Indian war dance

just before they
scalp everybody.

His throat was quite
red this morning.

Well, we'd better have a look.

I knew you were
gonna get to this.

Come on, come on, Beaver,
open up your mouth wide.

This won't bother you.

Is that a new one,

or did you use that on
some other kid before me?

Now, this is a brand-new one.

Now, come on, be a good fella.

Wide.

Atta boy. Now give me a big ahh.

Ahh.

That's a fella.

Now just a minute.

Now give me
another big ahh again.

Ahh.

Atta boy.

Well, his tonsils do
seem a little inflamed.

Oh?

He's had a lot of colds lately.

Maybe he'd be
better off without them.

Colds?

No, the tonsils.

Now this isn't gonna
bother you at all.

Now just turn your
head. That's a boy.

See, that doesn't
hurt. How's that?

That's fine. Now the other side.

Doctor?

Um, would they have
to come out right away?

No.

I think we could
watch them for a while

and wait until this
infection clears up.

Then we could decide.

Well, maybe you could just wait

until they rotted
out by themselves.

I don't think we'll
wait that long, Beaver.

I'll call the drug store
and order a prescription.

In the meantime, young fella,

you take it easy and keep warm.

Yes, sir.

Well Beaver, I'll come
back up in a little while

and I'll bring you
some lunch, all right?

Okay, Mom.

Goodbye, Dr. Kirby.

Goodbye, Beaver.

Thanks for not calling
me a little soldier.

Hi, Mom.

Hello, Wally.

Where's your jacket?

What jacket?

The one you wore
to school today.

Oh, I left it in my locker.

It was too warm to wear it home.

Well, did you ever think it
might be cold tomorrow morning?

Gee Mom, that's
a whole day away.

Hey Mom, how's the Beaver?

Oh, he's still in bed.

Dr. Kirby was here.

He may have to
have his tonsils out.

- Yeah, no fooling?
- Mm-hmm.

Hey, when Lumpy
Rutherford had his tonsils out,

he brought them to
school in this little jar.

They were floating
around in the alcohol

like a couple little sausages.

Then... Wally, please?

Oh, I'm sorry, Mom.

I forgot you were a girl.

Would it be okay if I went
up and saw the Beaver?

Well, Richard's up
there with him now.

He brought over his
homework assignment.

You mean, he's
gotta do homework?

I guess it didn't do him
any good to get sick, did it?

Thanks for coming over, Richard.

Oh, that's okay.

My mom says
tonsils aren't catching.

When are they
gonna yank 'em out?

Yank 'em out?

Oh, don't worry.

You won't feel it.

They put a mask over your face

and put you to sleep with gas.

What kinda gas?

Well, you know, they
got it in a football bladder

and all during the
operation it goes...

Oh yeah, I saw Palladin
do that on television

when he used to be a doctor.

Yeah.

Hey, what hospital are they
gonna take you to, Beav?

Well, I don't know.

Well, they can't
cut you up at home.

It's against the law.

How do you know so
much about tonsils, Richard?

On account of my
brother had 'em.

Did they yank his out?

Sure.

Hey Beav, let me
look at your tonsils.

Boy, there's a whole
lotta stuff down there.

Does any of it look any good?

Huh-uh. It looks crummy.

If you ask me, it's
all gotta come out.

Boy.

Yeah, well I better
be going now, Beav.

I promised my mom I'd stay
just long enough to cheer you up.

Yeah.

Thanks, Richard.

Yeah.

Well, did Dr. Kirby say they
actually had to come out?

Well, he gave Beaver
some medicine,

and he said he'd check
back in a couple of days.

Hmm.

Well, what was
Beaver's reaction?

Oh, well, he was perfectly
happy this morning.

Then when his
friend Richard left,

he got very nervous, and he
started asking me a lot of questions.

Oh, well, you know how kids are,

they get talking and exaggerate.

Well, I think he's very upset.

He asked me if you'd beat
up Dr. Kirby if he hurt him.

Maybe I better go up
and try and reassure him.

And then, Eddie turned around

and there was Mr. Foster
standing right behind him.

Mr. Foster?

Yeah, yeah, that's the teacher
he was doing the imitation of.

Oh.

And you see when...

Hey, Beav, what's the matter?

You're hardly listening at all.

I don't know, Wally.

Even Eddie getting in
trouble isn't funny today.

Look, there's no use worrying about
something that hasn't happened yet.

You gotta be a fatalist.

What's that?

Well, that's the guy who
takes a cheerful outlook on life

and says, if you're gonna
croak, you're gonna croak.

Wally, why did you have
to go and come home for?

Well Beaver, how're
you feeling this evening?

Well, if you ask me, Dad,
he's feeling pretty creepy.

I do not. Well, I
feel great, Dad.

I think my tonsil's
almost all gone.

It says you still
have a temperature.

I think the only place I have a
temperature is under my tongue.

Boy, he's really scared about
having his tonsils out, Dad.

Oh, now, Beaver.

Look, I don't know what
Richard told you this afternoon,

but there's nothing to it.

I had my tonsils out when
I was just about your age.

No fooling, Dad?

I didn't know doctors
had invented tonsils

when you were a kid.

Sure, Beav.

You see, Dad didn't conk out.

Beav, you want me to tell
you what it was really like?

Are you gonna tell
me the truth, Dad,

or are you just gonna tell me a
lot of stuff to make me feel good?

- The truth.
- Okay.

Well, my mother went
to the hospital with me,

and she stayed with me
until time for the operation.

Then when that was over with,

she was right
there waiting for me.

There weren't a whole lot
of mean nurses, were there?

Well, I had one nurse,

but she was quite
young and pretty

and she was very nice to me.

Did she have golden hair?

Uh, yeah, I think she did.

Well, gee, Dad,
then what happened?

Well, then my throat was sore.

Really sore.

But, by evening
it felt much better,

and you know what
I had for supper?

What?

Ice cream.

Ice cream?

Boy, I almost wouldn't
mind having my tonsils out.

With pretty nurses waiting
on me, and ice cream and all.

And then after that, I
really had a wonderful time.

You see, there were lots of
other children in the hospital

just about my age, so
we all played together,

and then there
were lots of presents.

Gee Dad, I didn't
know you got presents.

Sure.

Who'd you get 'em from?

Oh, my father, mother,
aunts and uncles.

I remember I got a telescope

and some books, and
a pen and pencil set.

Gosh, I didn't know
you got presents.

Uh-huh.

Did you get to
stay outta school?

Sure!

Two whole weeks?

Well, anyhow for one week.

Did you really get a telescope
and all that stuff besides?

I sure did.

Gee, Dad, well, getting presents

and being able to stay outta
school and eat ice cream.

Gee, getting your tonsils out

is almost as good as Christmas.

Yeah, and I get to stay
outta school for a whole week

and I'm gonna get a telescope,

and eat ice cream and
all kinds of neat stuff.

Boy, when I was sick, all I
got to eat were pills and soup.

What kinda sick were you, Harry?

I had a virus.

Huh?

Anyone can get a virus.

I'll bet you're just
making this up, Beaver.

How come you're back in school

if you have to have
your tonsils out?

Because I'm better now.

Anybody knows they can't
operate on sick people.

Are you going to the
hospital in an ambulance?

I might.

With the sirens
going and everything?

Sure.

I might even be able
to sit up with the driver.

Aren't you scared at all?

Gee no, there's
nothing to be scared of.

Your throat just
hurts for a little while,

then you get a lot of pretty
nurses fussing over you

and ice cream and stuff.

You know, I might ask my mother

if I can have my
tonsils taken out.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

She said I could have anything
I wanted for my birthday.

Hey, what are
tonsils for anyway?

Well, they catch the
crumbs when you swallow

so you don't choke on 'em.

Boy, Beaver.

You're lucky.

Yeah.

Hey Wally, you
know what let's do

before we start on our homework?

What?

We oughta call up
Lumpy Rutherford,

and I'll disguise my voice

and pretend I'm a girl
that's got a crush on him.

Nah, that's no fun.

Well, sure it is.

Last time I did it,

the poor creep waited
on a corner for two hours.

Well, good afternoon Eddie.

Good afternoon, Mrs. Cleaver.

I was just gonna go upstairs

and help Wally
with his homework.

Oh, well, then you won't
be using the telephone.

Oh that, well, I was
just joshin', Mrs. Cleaver.

I wouldn't do anything to
inconvenience Clarence.

Oh, I'm sure you wouldn't.

Hey, where's the Beaver, Mom?

He went over to the firehouse.

He wanted to tell Gus all
about his tonsil operation.

Boy, he sure is
getting a lot of mileage

out of those tonsils, isn't he?

Yes, isn't he?

So, you're going to the
hospital, huh, Beaver?

That's right, Gus.

Well, I never been, but I
had an aunt went all the time.

Got to be a regular habit.

She said the food was
good and Hiram's been.

Is he one of the firemen, Gus?

Mm-hmm.

I went to see him once

and there he lay in
a smooth white bed

playing the mandolin
with a sweet,

pretty nurse waiting on him.

Did she have goldy hair?

I didn't notice her hair,
but I'll bet Hiram did.

Would you like me to
come see you, Beaver?

Gee, Gus, would you really?

I sure would.

Wait till I get
pencil and paper.

Now, what's the
name of the hospital?

Gee, Gus, I don't know.

Well, I guess it's the
big one here in town,

the General Hospital.

And when are you taking off?

Well, the doctor
hasn't decided yet, Gus.

I'm hoping for Monday.

Okay, I'll see you Tuesday.

Tuesday, Theodore
Cleaver, visit in hospital.

Well, Gus, could
you do me a favor?

Uh-huh.

Well, when you
come to the hospital,

would you wear your
fire hat and your uniform

so that all the kids will
know you're really a fireman?

Beaver, if they'd let me,

I'd drive right up to the
front door of that hospital

in my fire engine.

Thanks, Gus.

Sure.

Hey, Beav, what have
you been scribbling there?

Well, I'm just working
on my hospital list.

Your hospital list?

Yeah.

For next week when
I get my tonsils out.

Whitey's coming to see me first.

He's bringing me a goldfish.

And then Richard's bringing
me a book on airplanes

that I already picked out.

And then Gus is coming
in his fireman suit.

Then Harry's bringing
me a comic book.

And then Miss Landers is coming.

Well, what's she bringing you?

My homework, but
at least she's coming.

Boy, you're gonna have
'em lined up in the halls.

Hey, is Dad really gonna
get you that telescope?

Yeah, for $16.98.

Hey Wally, what
are you bringing me?

Oh, I don't know.

I might bring you a jar
to keep your tonsils in.

Gee, that'd be neat.

Miss Landers might put it on
the shelf with the blue ribbon

our class won for its
window box display.

Hey, is Dr. Kirby
gonna decide tomorrow

when he's gonna take 'em out?

Yeah, I'm going
down to his office.

Hey Wally, did you ever have
anything yanked outta you?

No.

Did Mom?

I don't think so.

Boy, me and Dad are gonna be

the only ones in the whole house

who ever had an operation.

Well, that would be fine.

Certainly.

Oh, 10:00's perfect.

All right.

Good-bye.

Who was that? Dr. Kirby?

Uh-huh, he's gonna come
by here in the morning.

He has another
patient up the street.

Oh, good. I was gonna play golf,

but now I'll wait
until after he leaves.

You know, Beaver's taking
this very well, isn't he?

Oh sure, he has the
old Cleaver spunk.

Oh, and what do I have?

You have the Bronson beauty.

You got outta that one
very nicely, didn't you?

I thought so.

I think I'll go brush
my teeth again.

Look, you already
brushed 'em four times.

What do you want
to do, wear them out?

No, but Dr. Kirby's coming
to look at my tonsils today

and I don't want my teeth
to make me look crummy.

Beaver, Dr. Kirby's here.

Oh, boy, I hope he says he
can do the operation on Monday

because I already
told Miss Landers

I wouldn't be at school.

How's Mrs. Henderson
down the street?

Well, I don't think
she's too sick.

I think she just had me drop by

so she could complain to
somebody about her housekeeper.

Hi, Dr. Kirby.

Oh, good morning, Beaver.

Ahh!

You're in quite a hurry
this morning, aren't you?

Well, he's really very
glad to see you, doctor.

I wish all my
patients felt that way.

Come on over here, and
let's have a good look.

Uh-huh... uh-huh... uh-huh.

You can close your
mouth now, Beaver.

How are they, doctor?

His throat's coming along fine,

and so are his tonsils.

You mean they won't
have to come out?

No, unless there's
a sudden flare-up,

it looks like Beaver and his
tonsils can grow old together.

Well, Beaver, isn't
that wonderful?

Yeah, sure, Dad.

Well, we certainly thank
you for coming by, doctor.

That's quite all right.

It's always nice to
bring good news.

Theodore, here's a
brand new gagger for you.

Thank you.

- Good-bye, doctor.
- Good-bye.

Yeah, and thanks
again for stopping by.

Quite all right, anytime.

Always nice to see you.

Bye.

Well, that
certainly is a relief.

Yeah, I'll bet you feel
pretty good, huh, Beav?

Uh-huh.

No hospital, no operation.

You can forget all about it.

Gee whiz.

Beaver!

Look honey, don't
you understand?

You don't have to
have your tonsils out.

I understand.

Then why are you crying?

Well, because I told everybody

I was going to
have my operation.

Well, they were gonna
bring me presents,

and people were coming
to see me at the hospital,

and that mean old Dr. Kirby came

and spoiled the whole thing.

Beaver!

It's not fair, it's not fair!

I want to have my operation!

Beaver!

Well, I've never heard
anything like this before.

Well, I guess we just
had him so well prepared

that he's kinda like a fighter

who trains for a
fight for six months

and then has the fight canceled.

Well, what do we do now?

I don't know.

Maybe if we buy him
the telescope anyway,

he'll forget about how mean
everybody's been to him.

Hey, what are you
looking at now, Beav?

The sky.

You know, Wally,

the only thing I recognize
up there is the moon.

Well, what do you expect for $16.98,
to read the signs on the planets?

No, I guess not.

Hey, what did the
guys at school say

when you told them you
weren't having your tonsils out?

Oh, they didn't get mad at all

on account of they get to keep
the presents they bought me.

Well, what did Miss Landers say

when you showed up at school?

Oh, she was real nice about it.

She didn't yell
at me or anything.

Hey Wally, would
you look at my tonsils?

I already looked at 'em.

I couldn't see anything.

Yeah, but maybe if
you took a telescope

and looked at 'em, you
could see something.

Look at the moon, huh?

Hey, look, Wally, a Martian.