Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 4, Episode 18 - Wally's Track Meet - full transcript

Starring...

and...

Oh, hi, dear.

Hi.

What's in the package?

Oh, I picked up
two or three books.

I've been sort of
neglecting my reading lately.

Well, I guess that's as
good an excuse as any

for not talking to me.

Don't be silly, dear.

I don't need an excuse
to not talk to you.



Why'd you buy
two or three books?

Well, it just happens

that I thought I might like
to try and improve my mind.

Oh.

And you couldn't
possibly improve your mind

by talking to me?

All right, dear.

We'll forget all about
improving our minds.

For the next few evenings,

we'll just sit around together
like a couple of morons

and watch television.

That's better.

Hey, I got some
good news for Wally.

I was able to change my
appointment for Friday afternoon.



So we're going to be
able to drive up to Lynwood

for the track meet after all.

Oh, Ward. That's wonderful.

Wally's asked about it

ever since he got
home from school.

Well, I better go
up and tell him.

Dear, maybe we could stop
and eat on the way home.

Now that sounds like propaganda
to get out of cooking dinner.

That's exactly what it is.

Hey, Beaver, what are you doing?

Thinking.

Thinking what?

Thinking whether I should do
my homework now or after supper.

Well, how long have
you been thinking that?

I don't know.

I guess about a half hour.

Well, heck, in that time,

you could have had most of
your homework done by now.

Gee, that's right.

I was so busy thinking,
I didn't think of that.

Hi, Dad.

Beaver's goofing off.

I am not.

Well, you want something, Dad?

Yeah.

It looks like we're all going to
be able to drive up to Lynwood

to that track meet
Friday afternoon.

Well, gee, Dad,
I thought you had

some kind of a
meeting in the office.

I postponed it,

and your Mother's not
going to the luncheon

and we're going to pick
Beaver up after school.

Boy, I guess if I goof up now,

you'll just have to leave
me up there, huh, Dad?

Well, you've been doing
pretty well in practice.

Haven't you?

Well, I'm okay in the 100.

But I'm still tying up a
little at the end of the 220.

At least he doesn't get sick
behind the grandstands anymore.

Cut it out, Beav.

I'm sure you're going
to do just fine, Wally.

Beaver, one of these days,
you might turn into a runner.

I don't think so, Dad.

I don't like getting sick.

Do you like eating
after school, Richard?

Oh, I like anything
that's after school.

Yeah.

I guess I do, too.

Hey, you want to
mess around tomorrow

and the next afternoon, too?

I can mess around tomorrow.

But day after that, I
have to go up to Lynwood

and watch my brother
run in a track meet.

Gee, Beaver, you mean you
really like your own brother?

He's not so bad.

Don't you like your
brother, Richard?

Oh, I like him when
he's not hitting me.

The only trouble is he's
all the time hitting me.

How come he hits you?

I don't know.

I guess because I'm his brother.

Yeah.

Hey, is Wally gonna win
a whole bunch of medals

at the track meet?

They don't give medals.

Well then, what do
you get for winning?

You get your name in the paper

and a lot of girls
hang around you.

I'd rather have the medals.

Yeah.

I guess Wally would too.

But you know how it works.

Yeah.

Well, how are you doing, boys?

- Oh, fine, Mom.
- Yeah, Mrs. Cleaver.

Thanks a lot for the
cookies and junk.

You're welcome.

Beaver, you got home
before Wally today.

Sure, Mom.

He's got track
practice to warm up.

But they don't practice real
hard just before a big meet.

They just want to
heat up the muscles.

Well, Richard, when
you get to high school,

are you gonna be a runner?

No. I think I'll be
a bicycle racer.

I'm better at sitting
than I am at running.

Hey, Wally, you're down for
the 100, the 220 and the relay.

Yeah. How about that?

I fixed it for you with
the coach, Wally.

Yeah, sure, Eddie.

Hey Lumpy, look at that.

You finally made
the traveling squad.

You're third man
on the shot put.

What'd your pop
do, bribe the coach?

What do you mean?

If I'd have practiced, I
would have been number 1,

except I've been
too busy studying.

- Isn't that right, Eddie?
- Oh, sure.

Anyway, as manager, I told
the coach to give you a break.

Gee, thanks a lot, Eddie.

You really got a
drag with the coach.

Oh, yeah.

The poor guy needs
someone to lean on.

Like I told him
yesterday, I said, "Harry..."

uh, good afternoon,
Mr. Henderson.

We were just discussing
our lineup for the meet Friday.

I believe that we'll trounce
Lynwood easily, Mr. Henderson, sir.

Thank you, Haskell.

You have no idea how
much that relieves my mind.

I'm going over to the
office for a few minutes.

Would you mind taking
this basket of wet towels

down to the laundry room
as I asked you before?

Yes, sir, Mr. Henderson.

Thank you, sir.

Cleaver, I want you
fellows to get plenty of sleep

the next couple of nights,
and be on your toes Friday.

Oh, sure thing, Mr. Henderson.

If you'd like, coach, I'll
phone them up tonight

and remind them
to go to bed early.

I don't think that'll be
necessary, Haskell.

Yes, sir.

Another thing on this trip.

If there's any horsing
around on the bus

like there was last time,

the guy who starts
it is off the squad.

Understand?

Yes, sir.

- Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.

Haskell, the towels.

Yes, sir. On the
double, Mr. Henderson.

See ya later, fellas.

Hey Eddie, why don't
you lay off that baloney

you're always giving the coach?

He doesn't fall for that stuff.

Yeah, you're just jealous
'cause I'm in good with him.

Isn't he, Lumpy?

That's right, Eddie.

It's just a case of sour apples.

Sour grapes, you dope.

Yeah, grapes.

Why don't you guys grow up?

Give me the towel.

Hey, Wally?

Cut it out, Eddie. I'm gonna...

Don't look at me, Sam.

Hey, Wally!

I'll fix you, you wise guy.

Hey, pal!

Cleaver.

Yes, sir?

Didn't I just make a speech
about horsing around?

Hey, Wally.

Oh, hello, Mr. Henderson.

Rutherford, what are you up to?

Well, gee, nothing.

I was just gonna take my shower.

All right, Cleaver.

Who were you throwing towels at?

Nobody, I guess.

Oh, just having a gay
time by yourself, huh?

Well, kind of.

All right, Cleaver.

Nobody's too
important for this team.

So you're off it for a week.

Gee, you mean, you mean I
don't get to run at Lynwood?

That's right.

You're off for one full week,

and you can just think about that
next time you're throwing towels.

Yes, sir.

Gee Wally, that's a tough break.

Look, Lumpy, why
didn't you say something?

It was you and that wise
guy Eddie that started it.

Well, I would've, but my
pop is driving up to Lynwood

to watch me tomorrow,

and I just couldn't
disappoint Daddy.

Ah, sure you couldn't.

How many times have
I got to tell you guys

not to leave your towels
laying around here?

Let's get with it, men.

Hey, when we go to
Lynwood on Friday,

can we take along a
whole bunch of junk to eat

while we watch the track meet?

Well Beaver, it sounds like
you're more interested in eating

than you are in
watching the meet.

Sure, Dad.

Well, that's half
the fun of sports,

sitting there and stuffing
yourself while you watch them.

Well Beaver, I guess I can fix
some sandwiches to take along.

Dear, what time
are we gonna start?

Well, I thought I'd leave
the office about 2:30,

and I'll pick you up here,
and we'll get Beaver at school.

We don't want to miss
seeing our star athlete run rings

around those Lynwood
boys, do we, Wally?

Yeah, sure, Dad.

But there's something I
want to tell you and Mom

about the track meet.

We know, Wally.

You've told us before.

I promise I won't embarrass you

by telling people in the
stands that you're my son.

And your mother won't
stand up and squeal,

"Come on, Wally,"
when you're running.

Sure, Wally.

We won't even let anybody
know you belong to us.

And then, on the way home,

we can all stop by the
Colonial House and have dinner.

Well, I don't know
if we can do all that.

Well, you mean,
you want to ride home

with the team or something?

Well, I don't think I
can do that, either,

because I'm not riding
up there with them.

Wally, is there some
trouble about this meet?

Well, kind of.

I got kicked off the team.

You got kicked off the team?

What did you do, kill
the coach or something?

Yes, Wally, what did you do?

Well, some of the guys were
throwing wet towels in the locker room,

and the coach came in,

and he threw me off
the team for a week.

Well, were you the only
one throwing towels?

No. But I was the only
one that got caught.

Oh, Wally, this is
such a disappointment.

Why, we had the
whole day planned.

Yeah, I know, Mom.

Well, it's Wally's own fault.

The coach has to have discipline

and the boys can't go
around breaking the rules.

Ward, couldn't
we... I'll get it.

No. I'll get it.

Wally, I'm ashamed of you.

Yeah. I'm ashamed
of him too, Mom.

Hello.

Oh, hello, Fred.

It's Fred Rutherford.

Yes, Fred.

Oh, Ward.

I was just talking
to my lad Clarence.

He tells me your boy was
dropped off the track team today.

Well, that was
certainly nice of Lumpy

to tell you that, Fred.

Tough break, old man.

Gwen and I had thought we could
get together for dinner after the meet

and have a little fun fest.

Yes, well, I'm afraid
the little fun fest

will have to come
some other time, Fred.

Well, I guess it's
up to Clarence

to uphold the honor
of Mayfield High.

Yes, Fred.

Well, thank you.

Good-bye.

What did Fred want?

He just wanted to tell me
that it's now up to Lumpy

to uphold the honor
of Mayfield High.

Gee, I'm sorry, Dad.

Well, that's all right.

Sit up straight, Beaver.

Gee, Dad. Don't yell at me.

I didn't throw any towels.

Ward, honey, I've been thinking,

why don't you just
call the coach up

and ask him to put
Wally back on the team?

Well, June, you just
don't do things like that.

Well, couldn't you
call him and ask him

to pull Wally off the
team some other week

when we haven't
made a lot of plans?

No, dear.

I'm sorry. I'm just not
a grandstand father.

Well, you could at
least call the coach

and tell him what
a nice boy Wally is.

June, obviously, from
the coach's point of view,

nice boys just don't
throw wet towels.

And anyway, even
if it would work,

I don't Wally getting the idea

that every time he
does something wrong,

I'm gonna come along and
straighten things out for him.

Well, I don't believe
that Wally did it.

Oh June, come on.
Let's face it, dear.

Our boy just
isn't a little angel.

Why, of course he is.

You ought to see how sweet
he looks when he's asleep.

Hey Wally, tell me something.

In the locker room,
did you all of a sudden

just start going flaky
and throwing the towels?

No, I didn't just
start throwing towels.

First, Eddie threw one at me
and then Lumpy threw one at me.

Then I was chasing them,
and the coach walked in.

Yeah.

I know how that happens.

Once, Whitey
pushed me into Larry

and I got sent to Mrs.
Rayburn's office for fighting.

But, how come you didn't
squeal on Lumpy and Eddie?

Well, how come you didn't
squeal on Whitey and Larry?

No. That's right.

I wouldn't have squealed on them

even if Mrs. Rayburn would
have brought the janitor in

and he would have
twisted my arm off.

Yeah. Sure.

I guess you feel pretty bad

about getting bounced
off the team, huh, Wally?

Yeah, I'll say I feel bad.

Hey Wally, maybe 10 minutes
before the bus leaves for Lynwood,

Eddie and Lumpy will come
running up and they'll say,

"Coach, we couldn't
keep quiet any longer.

We're the ones that
started the towel fight."

And then the coach
will put you on the bus

and then at the last second,
you'll win the whole track meet.

Beaver, where do you
get that kind of jazz?

On television.

It happens every week
on Men of Annapolis.

Well look, it's not gonna
happen here in Mayfield.

So forget it, huh?

Hi, Mom.

Wally, you're home early.

Yeah. They were having
a pep rally at school.

I didn't feel so peppy,
so I came home.

Wally, do you think it
would help if I called

and talked to the coach?

Oh, gee Mom, don't do that.

He's sore enough at me already.

Well, he wouldn't be if he
could just see you asleep.

What are you talking about, Mom?

Oh, nothing.

Did you see Beaver
on the way home?

Well, about 3:00, I saw him
and Richard over in the park.

They were chasing a girl.

Chasing a girl?

Well, yeah.

She had Richard's lunchbox,

and they were trying
to get it back from her.

Gee, Wally, that's an hour ago.

I wonder why he isn't home.

Well she was a
pretty good runner.

Maybe they're still chasing her.

Oh, you doll, you.

Hi ya, Lumpy.

What are you doing on my
front porch, you little sneak?

Waiting for you, Lumpy.

I thought I told you
to call me Clarence.

All right, Clarence.

What'd you come over for, to
borrow my comic books again?

Uh-uh. I wanted to talk to you.

About what?

Well, I want you to go
to Coach Henderson

and tell him you started all
that stuff about the towel fight.

Hey, Beav, you gone out
of your skull or something?

No. I just think you
ought to do it. That's all.

Oh, sure.

I ought to go throw myself
over Niagara Falls, too.

Don't you feel bad Wally
got kicked off the team

and can't go to
Lynwood with you guys?

Sure. But that's the breaks.

Anyway, why come to me?

Why don't you go to Eddie?

He started it as much as I did.

Well, I figured
you're both skunks.

But he's a worser
skunk than you are.

Listen, I got to go to Lynwood.

My pop and my whole
family are driving up there,

and if I disappoint my daddy,
smack, right in the mouth.

Yeah. What if you
guys go up there

and then you lose
the whole meet?

But we might not lose it.

Yeah. But you might.

But we might not.

Yeah. But you might.

And then, what
if after the meet,

all the guys find out
Mayfield got skunked

on account of you and Eddie?

What if they hear it was your
fault Wally didn't get to go?

They better not
hear it. That's all.

Yeah.

But even if they don't know it,

you'll know it for
the rest of your life.

So what?

Well, it'll be inside your head,

and it'll keep telling you
what a big rat you are,

and then pretty soon, you'll
feel like even a bigger rat.

Then all of a
sudden, you'll feel like

the biggest rat in
the whole world.

Where do you get all this junk?

It happened in a
movie once, to a guy

who was mean to Jimmy Stewart.

Listen Beaver, you
better beat it. See?

Okay.

But just remember
what I said, Lumpy.

I told you, my real
name is Clarence.

I know it is.

Clarence Rat.

Lumpy dumpy, stupid as a rat.

Eh!

Beaver, you mean you said
all that to a big guy like Lumpy?

Weren't you scared of him?

Sure I was scared of him.

But sometimes, if you don't let a
big guy know you're scared of him,

he forgets he's such a big guy.

Yeah.

Hey, you didn't
really think that Lumpy

would tell the coach
that I didn't start the fight.

Did you?

Well, when I went over there,

I figured maybe I could make
an impression on his brain.

But when he looked in the
glass and called himself a doll,

I figured it was
kind of hopeless.

Thanks for trying, Beav.

But let's face it, huh?

I guess I don't have a chance
in the world of gettin' to Lynwood.

Yeah.

Hey Wally, I saw Dad downstairs.

Is he still mad at you?

I don't know.

I didn't want to ask him.

Might start a whole
big thing again.

Yeah. Sometimes when
a grownup is mad at you,

you can get in trouble
just by saying hello.

Yeah.

Hello, daddy.

Well, what can I do
for you, big champ?

Well, I was thinking about
the track meet up in Lynwood.

Yes. Your mother and I
are looking forward to it.

I'm sure you're gonna come
through for your old dad.

Well, I don't think
I'm gonna be going.

What do you mean
you're not gonna be going?

Well, Wally got suspended
off the team for throwing towels,

but I was the one
who really started it.

You were?

Yes, sir.

And I'm gonna phone
the coach tomorrow

and tell him it
was all my fault.

You're gonna do what?

Yes, sir. I thought
it over in my head,

and I think it's the
right thing to do.

Now wait a minute.

No use going off the deep end.

Your mother and I have been
planning this trip for a week.

I know. But I think

I ought to let the coach
know as soon as I can.

Would you phone him for
me in case he might yell at me?

I suppose so.

Why do you have to go and
get yourself in messes like this?

Gee, I don't know, Daddy.

And stop calling me Daddy.

You're too big for that.

Yeah, but you
always told me that...

Never mind what
I always told you.

Now would you
please get out of here?

I've got some thinking to do.

All right. I know
how it upsets you

whenever you have
to do any thinking.

Well, Mr. Rutherford
called a few minutes ago.

He talked to the coach,
and Lumpy admitted

that he started the towel fight.

Well, that certainly doesn't
sound like Lumpy, does it?

Gee, maybe Lumpy's
tired of being Lumpy.

Gee, thanks a lot, Beav.

Thanks for what?

Oh, nothing, Dad.

Boy, this is sure gonna be neat.

Now we can go up to Lynwood and
watch Wally skunk the other team.

We'll eat Mom's sandwiches
and potato salad and everything.

Just a minute, Beaver.

This doesn't take
Wally off the hook.

It just means that Eddie
and Lumpy can't go, either.

But, well, gee, Dad.

They started the whole thing

about the towel
fight and everything.

Yes. But Wally threw towels too.

Yeah, Dad. But it
was self-defense.

Well, like on television, if
the other guy draws first,

then you can blow his head off,

and everybody
pats you on the back

and tells you what
a neat guy you are.

Well, Beaver, this may
be hard for you to believe.

But life isn't exactly
like television.

That's right, Beaver.

Wally shouldn't have thrown
the towels at the other boys.

Yeah, I know, Mom, but,
gee, they made me so mad

I just couldn't help it.

Well son, you've
just got to learn

not to let people
make you that mad

because what you do is
your own responsibility,

no matter why you do it.

For instance, if someone
cuts me off in traffic,

that doesn't mean I have
any right to cut them off.

That's okay for grownups, Dad.

But boy, it's a
tough rule for kids.

Well, I know it is, Beaver.

But if you don't learn the
rules when you're a kid,

you may never learn them at all.

We're sorry, Wally.

Oh, that's okay.

There'll be other track meets.

Come on, Beav.

Hey, Wally.

You know what?

Well, I'd like to go
to some other planet

where they didn't
have any rules at all.

Look, Beaver, I bet you
even if you went to the moon,

they'd have signs
all over the place

like don't spit in the
craters and junk like that.

Yeah. I guess you can't have
any real fun until you croak.

Well, you been up
to look at the boys?

Uh-huh.

Well?

Nicest-looking
boys I've ever seen.

Must be asleep.

They are.

Oh, want some coffee?

Mm-hmm.

Ward, can I ask you something?

Sure.

When you were Wally's age,

if someone hit you
with a wet towel,

what would you have done?

You know, I've been afraid
somebody in this family

would ask me that.

Glad it was you.

Well, what would you have done?

Well, I probably would
have lost my temper

and thrown the towel back.

Why, Ward Cleaver, you're
no better than your son.

That's right.

But what's wrong
with wanting my son

to be better than I was?

Well, now that you
mention it, nothing at all.