Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 4, Episode 12 - Beaver and Kenneth - full transcript

Starring...

and...

Beaver, how come you put
your shirt on before you wash?

Well, I put it on first

so I won't wash a lot
of me that doesn't show.

Didn't you ever hear
of a guy being clean

just for the sake
of being clean?

Yeah, I heard of it, but I
wouldn't trust a guy that did it.

You put on a clean
shirt every day, Wally?

Well, sure.

What do you think I
am, a slob or something?



Boy, when I put on a new shirt,

it takes a couple of days
before it stops feeling creepy.

Boy, Beaver,
you'd better wise up

and stop smelling like a kid.

What for?

All the kids in grammar
school smell like kids.

Good morning, boys.

- Hi, Mom.
- Hi, Mom.

Boys, I'm in a hurry,
and breakfast is all ready.

Boy, Mom, you must have
got home awful late last night.

You've still got your hat on.

Yeah, Mom.

You look like that lady
that talked to us in assembly

about we should
have a city manager.



Well, what's the matter?

Don't you buys like my hat?

Well, sure, Mom, but it doesn't
make you look like a mom.

You know, Beaver, in a way,
I'm wearing it for you today.

I'm going to go down to
your school in a little while.

Uh-oh.

Gee, Mom, did they send for ya?

Oh, no, no.

I'm going to the
Mothers Club meeting.

But, I guess, Beaver,
while I'm there,

I'll be seeing Miss Landers.

Mom, if you do see my teacher,

don't tell her any silly stuff.

What do you mean, silly stuff?

Well, don't call me your baby

or tell her to make sure I eat
all my lunch and junk like that.

Yeah, you know,
Mom, like the time

when you told the
basketball coach

to make sure that I
wear clean sweat socks.

Boy, it took me a couple of
months to live that one down.

Hm.

Well, all right, I'll try
not to embarrass you

by acting like a mother.

Come on, now.
Breakfast is ready.

Okay, Mom.

What are you doing, Wally?

I'm putting talcum
powder on my beard,

so it'll hide it.

But you don't got a beard.

Well, yeah, but if I put
enough talcum powder on it,

nobody'll know that.

Oh, I poured you some coffee

and left my dishes in the sink.

That was sweet of you.

- Yeah, wasn't it?
- Mm-hm.

Hey, what's this
Mothers Club meeting

you're going to today?

Oh, Mrs. Thompson
wants to talk to us

about having a family night
in the school gymnasium.

A family night?

Mm-hm, you know, a little party

where the children have
refreshments, and parents dance.

Well, that sounds
like a good idea.

It'll do some of these kids good

to see their parents be polite
to each other for a change.

Bye, dear.

Bye, dear.

I think Mrs. Thompson's
Family Night is a good idea.

Oh, I think it's so
nice for the children

to get together
with the parents.

You'll be happy to
know, Mrs. Cleaver,

that Beaver's doing very
well in class this year.

Thank you.

I had my orders not to ask
you any embarrassing questions.

Oh, I understand.

I think some of our students

don't even want us to
know they have parents.

Well, I guess you have a
pretty nice class this term.

Oh, yes.

There is one thing that's
been a little disturbing.

In the past week or so,

things have been disappearing
from our classroom,

and from some of the lockers.

Why, Beaver hasn't said
a word about it at home.

Oh, we haven't
mentioned it to the children.

It may not be someone
from our class at all.

We hope we can
find out who it is

without upsetting everybody.

Has anything
valuable been taken?

Well, so far, a baseball glove,

and a brand new
lunchbox, and a cap.

I hope we can stop it.

Well, I'd better get
back to my class.

Oh, my dear, do you think you could
persuade your charming husband

to play the piano for
us on Family Night?

Well, Mrs. Thompson,
Mr. Cleaver doesn't play the piano.

Oh, that's right.

You have the husband
who can't do anything.

A lunchbox...

A baseball glove... and a cap.

Ward, what time are
you coming home tonight?

Oh, around the
usual time, I guess.

Honey, I want you
to come home earlier.

Well, I guess I could, but the
last time I came home early,

the neighbors started
a rumor I'd been fired.

Ward, it's nothing
to joke about.

It's something concerning
Beaver at school.

Well, can't you tell me
what it is on the phone?

Well, I'd rather not.

All right, dear.

I'll be home as soon
after 4:00 as I can.

All right, dear. Bye.

Thank you for helping me

put our South America
project away, Beaver.

Yeah, well, it kind
of made me feel sad

sticking South
America in the closet.

We've been working on it
so long, I kind of got to like it.

Well, on Monday,
we start Hawaii,

and I think you'll
like that just as well.

Yeah, when I was a little kid,

my Uncle Billy once sent
me a wiggle doll from there,

but a dog ate its head off.

Well, I think you'd better
be going home now, Beaver.

Yes, Miss Landers.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Hi, Beaver.

Hi, Kenneth.

What are you doing here?

I thought everyone
went home except for me.

I was kind of waiting for ya.

Are you doing
anything on Saturday?

Well, me and Whitey
and some of the guys

are going over
to Metzger's Field.

They're having an
art exhibit over there.

Oh, what fun is that?

If you hang around long
enough, they chase you away.

Instead of that, why
don't you ditch the guys?

Come on over to my house.

What for?

My father might buy
me a couple of cameras.

If he does, I could
give you one.

Well gee, I don't know
if I could take a camera

from you or not.

My father's always
buying me stuff.

Here, Beaver. Take this.

I've got a couple
hundred of them at home.

Gee, it's a brand-new
fountain pen.

You gave me enough junk already.

Heck, all I gave you
was a baseball glove,

a lunchbox, and a cap.

Well, how come all the
time you're giving me stuff?

'Cause you're my best friend.

I am? I didn't know that.

Sure.

When you come over
to my house Saturday,

I'll be able to show you
all the neat stuff I've got.

Your father must
be pretty rich, huh?

Sure, he's rich.

If you ever need any money,

I can give you
a whole pile of it.

You won't even
have to pay it back.

Oh no, I'm not supposed to
take any money from anyone,

unless they're aunts or uncles.

You know, Kenneth,
when you first came here,

I thought you were a creep,

and now you turned
out to be a real neat guy.

Thanks, Mom.

Wally, why would you
come to the front door

and ring the doorbell?
For goodness' sakes,

you usually come
through the kitchen.

Well, you're always telling me

how I track dirt
into the kitchen.

I thought I'd track some
dirt into the living room

for a change.

Wally, I'm in no
mood for joking.

I'm worried about the Beaver.

You're worried about him?

Yes, I am.

Wally, you don't think he's
acting any different, do you?

Gee, no different than usual.

He's been just as
goofy as he always has.

You don't think he's trying to
keep anything from us, do you?

Well, once in a while, he'll
throw a pair of his dirty socks

in the back of his closet,

but, heck, Mom, I thought
you were wise to that.

Never mind, Wally.

Beaver!

I didn't know you were home.

What are you doing?

Well, I'm just stealing
myself a couple of cookies.

Oh?

Yeah, I'm gonna take
'em up to my room.

Well Beaver, why
don't you eat them here.

I'll pour you a glass of milk.

Okay, Mom.

Is, uh, is everything going
all right at school these days?

Oh, sure, Mom.

We put away South America today.

We're going to start
on Hawaii on Monday.

Well Beaver, I just hope you
realize that wherever you go

or whatever you do,

there's always
somebody watching you.

Sure, Mom.

You watch me.

Well, and Dad watches me.

When I'm at school,
the teacher watches me.

And when I go to the
movies, the ushers watch me.

No, Beaver.

I mean, somebody else.

Gee, Mom.

Do you mean like God?

Mm-hm.

And Beaver, if you
do something bad,

you're going to hurt Him.

I wouldn't want to do
anything to hurt God.

He's got enough trouble
with the Russians and all.

Well Beaver, I just
hope you never will.

Oh, sure, Mom.

He came home with it today.

Looks like rather an
expensive pen, too.

Did he say where he got it?

I didn't ask him, Ward.

I thought I'd wait
until you got home.

And upstairs, there's
a baseball glove,

a lunchbox, and a new cap,

all the things Miss
Landers said were missing.

Ward, I just can't believe
Beaver would steal anything.

I guess it's pretty
hard for any parent

to believe his
child would steal.

Honey, I think you'd better
talk to him after supper.

Yeah, I'm gonna
talk to him right now.

I think I'd have a
little trouble eating

until I get this settled.

Beaver!

Coming, Dad.

Gee Beaver, what'd you do?

I don't know.

A kid can always do something
without knowing what it is.

- Yeah.
- Beaver!

Well, the way he's yelling,

I think you're gonna find
out what it is in a hurry.

Hey Mom, isn't it
kind of rough on you,

all of us eating in the
dining room every night

with all these plates
and silverware and stuff?

Wouldn't it be a lot less work

if you just let us eat
right over the sink?

Now Wally, you and Beaver
want to have good manners

and eat like civilized
people, don't you?

Well sure, but why
can't we just be civilized

when we've got company?

Well, okay, Mom.

Okay.

Hey Mom, how come
Dad's got Beaver in the den

with the doors locked?

And what's he trying
to shake out of him?

Wally, I'm sure, when your
father wants you to know

what he's talking
to the Beaver about,

he'll let you know.

Hey, that's a pretty
good civilized way

of telling me to dry up, huh?

Yes, isn't it?

Look, Beaver,
it's just this simple.

I want you to tell me
where the lunchbox,

the glove, the cap,
and the pen came from.

A kid gave it to me.

All right, Beaver.

Now, I want you to
look me right in the eye.

You tell me once more.

Where did the lunchbox,
the glove, the cap,

and the pen come from?

A kid gave it to me.

All right, Beaver.

What was the kid's name?

His name is Kenneth Purcell,

and he's in my
classroom at school.

You know, son,
all of these things

were taken from lockers
down at your school.

Gee, Dad, Kenneth
wouldn't do anything like that.

He's got a rich father who's
buying cameras all the time,

and he said he had
100 fountain pens,

and a whole big pile of money.

Beaver, you are telling
me the truth, aren't you?

Well, sure, Dad.

You can even call up
Kenneth and ask him about it.

No, no, I'm not
going to do that...

But I'll tell you what
I think we should do.

I think after supper tonight,
you and I should take the cap,

and the pen, and
the rest of the things,

and go over to Kenneth's house

and get an explanation
for all of this.

Yes, sir.

Do you really think
Kenneth swiped all that stuff?

Well, it sure looks
that way, doesn't it?

Hey Mom, when are
you going to tell me

what's going on with
Dad and the Beaver?

Well, what makes you
think something's going on?

Well, before supper, Dad gets
Beaver locked up in the den with him,

and then nobody says
anything at supper.

You and Dad did a lot of
whispering out in the hall.

Then Dad goes
off with the Beaver.

Man, this place is getting
to be like 77 Sunset Strip.

Well Wally, it seems that
some things were missing

from the lockers
at Beaver's school,

and I found them under
Beaver's bed this afternoon.

Well, gee, you guys don't
think he heisted them, so you?

No Wally, we don't think
that he heisted them.

A boy by the name of Kenneth
Purcell gave them to Beaver,

and your father and
he have gone over there

to talk to the boy's parents.

Yeah, I guess that's
the right thing to do.

Hey Mom, what happens if this
Mr. Purcell happens to be a great big guy,

and he clobbers Dad?

Now Wally, nothing like
that's going to happen.

Mr. Purcell and your father
are going to talk this over,

and they're going to
find out, if they can,

why the boy's been
doing these things.

Yeah well, I just hope that
guy's not a wrestler or something.

Kenneth, Mr. Cleaver seems
to think you took these things

out of the lockers at school
and gave them to Beaver.

Dad, I didn't do it.

Of course you did.

You gave me the lunchbox
and the glove on Tuesday,

and then you gave
me the baseball cap,

and you gave me
the pen this morning!

Well, Kenneth?

No, sir.

I never saw any of this
stuff before in my whole life.

What do you mean, you
never saw any of it before?

You gave it to me, and
you said your father was rich,

and you were gonna give
me a camera and everything.

What about that, Ken?

Gee, I wouldn't
lie about you, Dad.

I don't know what
he's talking about.

You do, too! Of course you do!

Beaver, I think Mr. Purcell
and I can handle this.

Theodore, you say he took things

and then gave them to you.

Now, what reason would he
have had to do a thing like that?

'Cause he said he wanted
to be my best friend.

Who'd want a creepy kid
like you for a best friend?

Listen, Kenneth!

Beaver, that's enough.

Mr. Cleaver, I think I
know my boy pretty well,

and I'm afraid I'm going to
have to go along with him.

Well, thank you for
your time, Mr. Purcell.

I was hoping we could
get to the bottom of this.

I still hope so.

I wouldn't want a boy

to carry a thing like
this on his conscience.

Neither would I, Mr. Cleaver.

Come along, Beaver.

June, we're home.

Hi, dear.

Well son, I think you'd
better go on upstairs

and get at your homework.

You do believe
me, don't you, Dad?

Yes, Beaver, I do.

Well, do you believe me
because I'm telling the truth

or just because I'm your kid?

I expect it's a
little bit of both.

Thanks, Dad.

Well, did you get
everything straightened out?

No, we just got everything
a little more complicated.

Kenneth made a very
convincing little speech

about how he'd never even
seen these things before,

and his father backed him up.

Well Ward, I'm not going to
let anything like this happen.

I'm going to go down
to that school tomorrow,

and I'm going to
tell Miss Landers

what a, what a liar and
a thief this Kenneth is!

Well now, June,
you can't do that.

It's Beaver's word against his.

Well Ward, do you want
Kenneth to get away with this?

No, but why don't we
wait a couple of days

and see if maybe Kenneth
doesn't come around by himself?

Oh Ward, I just
think this is terrible.

Why do we have to
have a problem like this?

Well, it could be worse.

We could have Kenneth.

Hi, Beaver. I was
waiting for you.

Beat it, Kenneth.

But I want to talk to you.

I don't want to
talk to you, you rat.

Why didn't you tell
your father the truth?

Gee, I couldn't.

- Why not?
- But you don't know

what it's like around my house.

Every time I do something bad,

my father starts
hollering and yelling at me,

and then he calls
my mother down,

and she starts hollering
and yelling at me.

And I've got a big sister.

Then when they stop, she
starts hollering and yelling at me.

But you're a real rat,

swiping stuff and
then giving it to me,

so I get in trouble.

I'm sorry.

I didn't know it was going
to come out that way.

I'm just going to
go to Miss Landers

and tell her who's really
been swiping all that stuff.

Boy, Beaver, that
would be squealing.

Well, it is not squealing

when you're squealing
on a rat like you!

All right, Beaver. I'll do it.

Do what?

I'll go to Miss Landers
and squeal on myself.

Well, okay, but I'm
going to be there

so you don't do any
squealing in your own favor.

Hi, Mom.

You're home early.

Yeah, they called off
basketball practice.

The coach said we
were getting stale.

I think he had a
date or something.

Wally, don't you want
something to eat?

No, Eddie Haskell and
I stopped by the bakery

and got some day-old
eclairs to eat on the way home.

Day-old eclairs?
Were they all right?

Well, the whipped
cream was a little sour,

but after three or
four, you don't notice it.

Fine.

Hey, Mom, how's the Beaver
doing with that new friend of his?

Did he come home
with any more loot today?

Wally, I wish you
wouldn't joke about that.

You know, this is a
very serious matter.

Yeah, I know, Mom,
but it's kind of funny

the way Beaver always
believes crazy stuff.

And then I told my father
I didn't steal the stuff,

and I told Beaver's father, too,

but I really did steal the
stuff and give it to Beaver.

Did I leave anything
out, Beaver?

Yeah, you left out
about the fountain pen.

Oh, yeah.

I also took a fountain pen

from one of the
sixth grade lockers.

Well, I think the
first thing, Beaver,

is for you to
bring the things in,

so that we can return
them to the owners.

Yes, Miss Landers.

And, Kenneth, I'm glad
you finally told the truth.

Do you realize
how serious this is,

stealing from your classmates

and then trying to put
the blame on Beaver?

Yes, ma'am. I'm awful sorry,

but I didn't give
the stuff to Beaver

to get him blamed.

What other reason could it be?

Well, I stole the stuff
and gave it to Beaver,

because I wanted him to like me.

You wanted a friend so
badly that you'd steal?

You don't know how
it is, Miss Landers.

Beaver's the kind of guy
that everybody likes him

just for doing nothing.

I say hello, and the
guys tell me to get lost.

You can't make friends
by stealing, Kenneth.

Miss Landers, are you going
to tell the kids I'm a crook?

Well, I don't think that's
necessary, Kenneth,

but I will have to turn this
matter over to the principal.

And the very first
thing I want you to do

is to tell your
father the truth.

Gee, I can't do
that, Miss Landers.

If I did, he'd hate me.

And the worst person
in the whole world

to have hate you is your father.

Yeah, I guess that's because
you have to be around him so much.

Well Kenneth, maybe I could
ask your father to come in,

and maybe I could
explain it to him in a way

that wouldn't upset
him quite so much.

Gee, would you, Miss Landers?

Well, I'll certainly try.

After all, that's
what friends are for.

You mean, you're my friend?

I'd like to be.

How could you be my friend

after I stole stuff and
made all this trouble?

I thought teachers
only liked the good kids.

Oh, Kenneth, teachers
like all of their students,

but they feel a
certain obligation

to the ones who
get into trouble,

because they're the
ones that need our help.

I never thought my first friend
in school would be a teacher.

Oh, I think Beaver's
your friend, too.

Aren't you, Beaver?

Yeah, well, I guess so,

but he'd better not start messing
around with any lockers again.

Oh, I won't do that again
in a hundred million years.

Well, you'd better
behave yourself, Kenneth.

And I think you'll find that
the way to make friends

is not by giving them things,

but by giving them
a little of yourself.

Yes, Miss Landers.

Dear, isn't it amazing the
lengths that Kenneth went to,

to have people like him?

Yeah, I suppose so.

Hmph. But, then again,

it's the great American
dream today to be popular.

Hmph, look at Fred
Rutherford down at the office.

He spends half his time worrying

what the girls around the water
cooler are saying about him.

What do they say about him?

Well, you know, I think if
he knew what they really say,

he'd kill himself.

You know, when I
was at boarding school,

I guess I wanted to be popular.

Well, sure, but you didn't
go around stealing things

to make an impression.

No, the worst thing I ever
did was tell the other girls

that John Bowles was my uncle.

No, you didn't.

Yes, I did.

I'd even write myself
letters and sign them,

"Uncle John."

Well, come to think about it,

I once autographed a baseball to
myself, signed "Gabby Hartnett."

Only trouble was I
spelled Hartnett wrong.