Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 3, Episode 9 - Teacher Comes to Dinner - full transcript

Starring...

and...

And then, when Miss Landers
came back in the classroom,

Judy Hensler gave her a list of
everybody who talked while she was out,

and Miss Landers tore it
up without even looking at it.

Well, that was very
nice of Miss Landers.

We don't have that kind
of kid stuff in high school.

We have the honor system.

- What's that, Wally?
- Well, uh,

if you do something wrong,

you're supposed to
squeal on yourself.



Well, Beaver, it sounds as though
you're quite fond of Miss Landers.

I'll say. She's the neatest
teacher in the whole school.

She's got a brother
who's an airplane pilot,

and she can get knots out of
shoestrings without even using her teeth.

That's a very
handy thing to know.

Our best teacher's Mr. Wilson.

Once in English class,

he read us a whole big
thing out of Mad magazine.

As an illustration
of modern satire?

No. He just
thought it was funny.

Miss Landers is
even better than that.

She once took our whole
class to a Chinese restaurant.

Well, that was certainly
nice of Miss Landers.

Yeah, she's real neat. I wish I
could do something for her sometime.



Miss Landers is a new teacher.
She must be quite young, huh?

No, she's pretty old.

When she was a little girl,
they didn't even have television.

Well, I've got to be going.

This week I'm on
the chalk committee.

- Good-bye, Mom. Good-bye, Dad.
- Bye.

I got to get going, too.

Hey, Dad, what did people
do before they had television?

Well, they went to the theater,

to plays, and read books.

They went to
libraries, museums...

Oh, they just
goofed around, huh?

Uh, yes. They
just goofed around.

- Bye, Wally.
- Bye, Mom. So long, Dad.

Good-bye, Wally.

Ward,

I wish we could do something
nice for Beaver's teacher.

Yeah. Of course, in my day,

the families used to invite
the teacher over to dinner.

I guess it was more or less

to make up for the
miserable salary.

Did you ever have
your teacher over?

Yeah, we had
Mr. Kilmore over once.

He was our math teacher.

Turned out he had a
very fine tenor voice.

After dinner, my
mom played the piano,

and he sang "I'm
Just Wild About Harry."

Somehow, algebra never
seemed such a chore after that.

Well, I'll be home early.

Bye, dear.

Grand Avenue School?

If Miss Landers is in yet, I wonder
if I could speak to her, please.

♪ Row, row, row your boat ♪

♪ Gently down the stream ♪

♪ Merrily, merrily,
merrily, merrily ♪

♪ Life is but a dream ♪

♪ Row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream ♪

♪ Merrily, merrily,
merrily, merrily ♪

♪ Life is but a dream ♪

Why, that's much
better, boys and girls.

I hope you do that well
for Dr. Wade on Monday.

Yes, Judy?

Should I thank Superintendent
Wade for listening

before or after we sing?

After, Judy.

Yes, Miss Landers.

Larry?

Should I really sing Monday,

or should I still just
make my mouth go?

Well, Larry, you're improving,

but I think we'd better wait

till Superintendent
Wade's next visit

before you really sing.

Yes, Miss Landers.

Oh, now, just a minute.

Remember... the boys are to
wear white shirts on Monday.

- Yes, Miss Landers.
- Fine. Class dismissed.

Good-bye, Miss Landers.

- Have a nice weekend.
- See you Monday.

- Goodbye, Miss Landers.
- Oh, Theodore.

Would you stay
after class, please?

Me, Miss Landers?

Yes.

Boy, Beaver, what'd
you goof up now?

Have a nice weekend,
Miss Landers.

Thank you, Larry.

Theodore, would you
close the door, please?

I wonder what Beaver did.

I'll bet he did
something terrible,

and they're gonna expel
him from the whole school.

- Go on, Judy.
- I'll bet he did.

- Are you coming, Larry?
- No.

I'm gonna hang around
and see if there's any yelling.

Well, Theodore,
don't look so worried.

I just wanted to talk to you.

But, gee, Miss Landers,
I haven't done anything.

Well, I know you
haven't, Theodore.

I wanted to thank
you and your mother

for inviting me
to dinner tonight.

- Oh.
- It was very sweet of you to
have your mother invite me.

Are you really
coming to our house?

Well, yes. And I'm
looking forward to it.

You're quite welcome,
Miss Landers.

Thank you, Miss Landers.

Hey, Beaver, what
did she do to you?

Nothing, Larry.

Then how come you look
like she did something to you?

She just wanted to tell me
what a good singer I was.

Oh.

Hey, Beaver, next to me,

you're the worst singer
in the whole class.

What did she really want?

If I tell you, you promise
you won't tell anybody?

Gee, Beaver, have I
ever told on you before?

Sure, a couple
of thousand times.

But that was before I
got to be your best friend.

But what if I told you and we had a
big fight? You'd go and tell everybody.

Okay. Okay, then don't tell me.

Hey, Larry... Yes, Beaver?

Well, my mother invited
Miss Landers to dinner.

To eat?

Sure. You can't invite somebody
to dinner without letting them eat.

Boy, Beaver!

This could be the worst thing

that ever happened to
you in your whole life!

Well, I knew it could be,
but I didn't know why yet.

Because when the
other guys hear about it,

they're gonna say you're just
trying to be the teacher's pet.

But, gee, Larry, you're
not gonna tell them.

Oh, that's right.

But look at all the other
junk that could happen.

What if your mom
cooked her something

that gave her toenail poisoning?

Gee, I don't think my
mom will poison a teacher.

Well... Well, yeah, but...

but what if your dad hit
his finger or something

and said a bad word in
front of Miss Landers?

Well, he wouldn't do that.

He doesn't even say bad
words in front of my mother.

Okay,

but what if you put
your elbows on the table,

or she fell and broke her leg?

To get even, I bet she'd flunk
you in every subject you got.

You'd better tell
her not to come.

Gee, Larry, I can't do that.

But listen, Larry, you promised
not to tell any of the guys.

Well, sure, Beaver,
sure. I'm your pal.

Thanks.

- Boy.
- Yeah.

- You gonna walk home, Larry?
- No.

I've got to go back to the
gym and get my sneakers.

- Well, I'll see you, Larry.
- I'll see you, Beav.

Oh, hi, Whitey.

I thought you went
home with Beaver.

I forgot my sneakers.

Hey, Whitey, I know
something that you don't know.

- I'll bet you don't.
- I'll bet I do.

I know what happened with
Beaver and Miss Landers.

What happened?

I can't tell you.

See? You don't know.

Oh, I don't, huh?

Well, just listen

to what that dumb
Beaver went and did.

He told his mother...

- Hi, Mom.
- Hi. Wally, you're late.

Yeah, I know. We
had basketball practice.

- Hi, Dad.
- Hello, Wally.

Hey, what's Dad doing
out back with the barbecue?

Beaver's teacher's
coming for dinner tonight.

You mean she's coming here?

That's right, Wally.

Oh. Well, uh, could I
eat up in my room, Mom?

Of course not. Why
would you say that?

Well, you know. She's a teacher.

Miss Landers happens to
be a very charming woman,

and the Beaver's
very fond of her.

Don't you have any
teachers that you like?

Well, sure, Mom.

But heck, you don't
want them sitting around

watching you
while you're eating.

Hey, how's the Beav taking it?

Well, he didn't say anything
when he came home.

He went right upstairs to get
dressed. But I'm sure he's delighted.

Oh, sure.

Hey, Mom, are you gonna bring
up that spelling test he goofed up?

Of course not.

Oh.

Uh, well, if you do,

I wouldn't bring it
up till after dessert.

Now, Wally...

Well, I got the fire started.
Anything else I can do?

Yes, you can get these
olives out of this bottle.

Dear, uh,

do you think this whole
thing's a good idea?

Of course it is.

Didn't you have your
teacher come to dinner?

And didn't he get up and sing
"I'm Just Wild About Harry"?

Yeah, but, uh, if I were you,

I wouldn't expect anything
like that out of Miss Landers.

- Now, Ward...
- Here, dear, have an olive.

I understand they have
a calming influence.

Hey, Wally, what are
you doing just lying there?

I'm not doing anything.
I'm just lying here.

You wouldn't want to
take a bath, would you?

Now, why would
I want to do that?

Coach made us take
a shower after practice.

Gee, it wouldn't hurt
you to take another one.

I found this soap in the linen closet.
I thought you might want to use it.

Gee, Beaver, that
stuff smells like flowers.

It wouldn't hurt you to smell
like flowers for one night.

Cut it out, Beaver.

This is your teacher. Why
should I have to smell good?

Gee, Wally, I'd take an extra bath for
you sometime if it was important enough.

Okay, okay.

Well, Wally?

Would you put your new suit on?

Gee, Beaver, just 'cause
I'm being a nice guy,

you don't have to
walk all over me.

Thanks, Wally.

Gee, a whole quarter, Larry?

I don't think it's worth it.

What do you mean? Did you
ever see a teacher eat before?

Well, okay.

Do you guarantee positive

that we'll see Miss Landers
over at the Beaver's house?

Sure, I guarantee it.

Do you think I'm the kind of
guy that'd double-cross a friend?

Come on.

- Oh, dear, would you
take these outside?
- Yeah, sure.

Who gave us these
silly-looking bowls?

Your mother.

Oh. They're
charming, aren't they?

- You dressed already, Beaver?
- Yeah, Dad. How do I look?

Well, you look just like
a perfect little gentleman.

- You want to smell me?
- Uh, no, I'll do that later.

Okay.

Nothing in here could poison
anybody, could it, Mom?

Why, of course not, Beaver.

Larry said Miss Landers might eat
something and get toenail poisoning.

You mean ptomaine poisoning?

Yeah, I guess so.

Anyway, he said if she got it,

she might get mad
and flunk me and stuff.

Look, Beaver,

everything is
going to be all right.

Now, you go on out and
see how your father's doing.

Okay, Mom.

- Anything burn, Dad?
- No, everything's
great, Beaver.

Would you do me a favor, Dad?

Sure, Beav.

Well, tonight, while
you're cooking,

if you burn your hand, would you
please not use any of those words?

What words?

Those words I'm
not supposed to say.

Don't you worry
about that, Beaver.

If you have to say something,
just say ouch or something.

And, Dad, when dinner's ready,

would you please
not holler "Soup's on"?

Beaver, you can count on me.

- Anything else?
- Yeah.

Would you please not
wear that funny apron

that says "Chief Cook
and Bottle Washer"?

All right, Beaver.

I only wore that once because
your Uncle Billy gave it to me.

Beaver,

look, I know you're a little on-edge
because Miss Landers is coming.

But don't let it worry you.
Everything works out all right.

It does, Dad?

Sure, it does.

Why, when your mother
and I were first married,

we invited the men I
worked for home to dinner.

Well, I was so nervous

that I was carving a ham,

and I dropped the whole
thing right into my lap.

It fell down on the floor,
and I reached down to...

Oh, gee, Dad! Oh, gee!

Mom! Hey, Mom!

Wait a minute, Beaver.
You didn't understand.

Ward!

Ward, what are you doing to him?

He's a little upset
about something.

Gee, Mom, it's gonna be awful!

Dad's gonna spill food in his lap,
and I'm gonna be thrown out of school!

Beaver, everything's
going to be all right.

Nothing's going to go wrong.

Mom! Dad!

She's here! She's here!

Well, go on, Beaver. Let her in.

Gee, Mom, you've
got your apron on!

Dad, your face! Like
your fingers or something!

You've got charcoal on
your cheek. Go on, Beaver.

- That all right?
- Mm-hmm. Fine.

Good evening, Theodore.

Good evening, Miss Landers.

This is where I live
when I'm not in school.

Oh.

How do you do, Miss
Landers? I'm Ward Cleaver.

- He's my father.
- How do you do, Mr. Cleaver?

- And this is my mother.
- It's nice to see you again,
Mrs. Cleaver.

So nice that you could come.

Well, I've certainly heard a lot of
wonderful things about you, Miss Landers.

Would you like Beaver to
put your sweater in the closet?

Well, I...

It's all right, Miss Landers.
No one will swipe it.

Thank you, Beaver.

Come on in.

We're barbecuing tonight.

- How do you like your steak?
- Medium is fine.

If you'll excuse me, I'd better
go see how they're doing.

Won't you sit down? I
have some hors d'oeuvres.

Oh, wonderful.

Beaver, you stay here with Miss
Landers, and I'll be right back. Excuse me.

Well, Beaver, you certainly
look nice this evening.

Thank you, Miss Landers.
You look good, too.

I never saw your arms before.

Oh.

Your mother and
father are charming.

Oh, yes. They
learned that at college.

Well, Beaver, how do
you like school this year?

I like it fine. Thank
you, Miss Landers.

I'd like to present
my brother Wally.

He's a sophomore in high
school, and he took a bath.

Uh, how do you do?

How do you do, Wally?

He's taking Spanish.

Oh. ¿Habla usted Espanol?

Well, yeah, uh,
some of the words,

but I feel kind of
funny talking it.

Here we are. I
hope you like these.

Oh, thank you.

- Wally?
- Oh, uh, thanks, Mom.

Beaver?

Thank you.

Well, Mrs. Cleaver, you
certainly have two very nice boys.

Thank you.

- Miss Landers?
- Yes, Wally?

Um, is it true that
Andrew Johnson

was the only president
ever to be impeached?

Why, yes, I believe he was.

Yeah. Yeah, that's what I heard.

Don't we have a parent-teacher
meeting coming up?

Oh, yes, it's the first
Tuesday of next month.

Okay, folks, come and get it.

- Soup's on!
- Come along.

Beaver, take Miss Landers' arm.

But, gee, Mom, she doesn't
have any clothes on it.

Of course, in those days,
there were trolley tracks

- right down the center
of Grant Avenue.
- Really?

Yeah, we used to play baseball
where the new department store is.

When we got married,
we lived on Maple Avenue.

That was considered
way out of town.

I remember when they took the
eagle off the old bank building.

They were afraid it was gonna
fall down and hit somebody.

- Miss Landers?
- Yes, Beaver?

Uh, would you like
another glass of water?

No, thank you, Beaver,

and you don't have
to raise your hand.

- This sure is a neat
hiding place, Larry.
- I told you it was, Whitey.

Mr. Cleaver, this
steak is delicious.

- You're quite a cook.
- Thank you very much.

And I appreciate your saying
that in front of Mrs. Cleaver.

- Let me get you
another piece of steak.
- No, I couldn't, really.

What's the matter,
Beaver? You look peculiar.

Well, I think a piece of
milk got stuck in my throat.

Hey! Hey, look now!
She's eating an onion!

Yeah! Boy, how about that!

What are those things
hanging from her ears?

They're earrings.

Boy, what's a teacher
doing wearing earrings?

Let me get you another piece.

Oh, no, really, this is fine.

Oh, of course you can have more.

This isn't worth a quarter.
I want my money back.

Me too. Nothing
good is happening.

Come on, guys.
Let's wait till dessert.

Naw. Who wants to
see her eating dessert?

W-Well... Well, after dessert,
she might even smoke.

- Smoke?
- You mean like a cigarette?

Well, sure.

Boy, that'd be worth
a quarter to see that.

- Oh, now, please
let me help you.
- Oh, no, thank you.

Wally and Mr. Cleaver
are real good kitchen help.

- You just stay here
and talk to the Beaver.
- Well, all right.

- Would you like to eat
your dessert in the house?
- No, thank you.

But, Beaver, what do
you think we should do

about those boys
up in that tree?

You mean you saw them?

Ooh, quite a while ago.

Well, I didn't have anything
to do with it. Really, I didn't.

I know you didn't, Beaver.

Hey, what do you suppose
they're talking about?

They started to whisper.

I don't know, but I
wish I wasn't here.

Look! She's got toes!

Where?

There! Coming right
out of her shoes?

Uh-oh. Here they come.

Boy, we're in real trouble now.

Larry, Whitey,

Gilbert, would you
please come down?

All right. Now, what were
you doing up in that tree?

I don't know.

You were spying
on us, weren't you?

Larry thunk it up.

Larry thought it up.

And just why, Larry?

Gee, Miss Landers,

none of us ever saw
a teacher eat before.

He charged us each a quarter.

Boys, do you think it was nice

trying to spoil a very
pleasant evening

I was having here with
Beaver and his parents?

No, Miss Landers.

Now we're gonna really get it.

Well, what's going on here?

Why, nothing, Mr. Cleaver.

Three of my boys just
dropped by to say hello to me.

Oh. Well, uh, hello, fellas.

Hello, Mr. Cleaver.

- Hello, Mr. Cleaver.
- Hello, Mr. Cleaver.

Well, uh,

maybe they'd like
to join us for dessert.

How about it, boys?

I think that would be
very nice, Mr. Cleaver.

June, three more desserts.

Come on, fellows. Come on.

Boy, Miss Landers,
that sure was neat of you.

Well, Beaver, I think
I can understand

why they were there.

Sometimes it's hard for
little boys to realize that

a teacher thinks and
acts like a real person.

Yeah. Boy, you sure acted
like a real person tonight.

Ward,

I thought the evening
went off just fine.

Yeah, I can certainly understand

why Beaver's so
fond of Miss Landers.

And we both stayed
on our best behavior.

Yeah. Not once did I
utter so much as an ouch.

And I didn't cook anything

that gave her toenail poisoning.

Say, I wonder where
those three boys came from.

I don't know. I didn't see
them arrive or anything.

It was just as though they
dropped right out of the sky.

There's something odd about it.

Larry only ate one
dish of ice cream.

Boy, that's some teacher you've
got there, that Miss Landers.

She caught those
guys up in the tree,

and she didn't do anything.

Yeah, but I'd hate to be Larry
and feel like he's gonna feel.

Yeah.

You know, it's
funny about teachers.

Some of them punish you by
sending you to the principal's office,

keeping you after
school and stuff,

but then there's some

that can just punish
you by being nice.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA