Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 3, Episode 5 - Baby Picture - full transcript

Starring...

and...

Hey, Beav, want to get to sleep?

I can go downstairs
and do my homework.

Nah, I was just lying
here make-believing.

- Make-believing what?
- Make-believing...

if instead of being a kid,
I'd have been born a pirate.

Now, what good would that be?

Today there's no ships to rob
or people to throw overboard

or treasures to dig
up or any of that stuff.

What'd you say that for, Wally?



Now you spoiled
me being a pirate.

Well, just lie there
and be something else.

- Hi, fellas.
- Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

- Hi.
- We just came up
to say good night.

Wally, are you still
on your homework?

- Yeah, history.
- What part of history?

We're studying
about the Phoenicians.

Oh. Well, the Phoenicians were
a very progressive race of people.

You know, they
developed the boat.

Yeah. That way they could
sail over to the other islands

and find a lot of
new people to kill.

How about you, Beaver?
Did you have any homework?

No. Miss Landers says we're
not supposed to do anything.

We're just supposed to think.



Well, what are you just
supposed to think about?

We're supposed
to think of a project.

Oh, your class is
gonna have a project?

Well, every class
is gonna have one.

The fifth grade is making a
relief map out of wet paper,

and the third grade is growing
vegetables in the window box

and the second grade is
making a dinosaur out of clay.

We're getting ours tomorrow.

Has the whole
school got projects?

All except the first grade.

Their project was going
around looking at other projects.

Have you thought of one yet?

No, I can't think
of any good ones.

Larry Mondello wants
the class to raise a duck.

Why a duck?

Well, on account of
somebody gave Larry a duck

and his father says
he's got to get rid of it.

Well, I'm sure your class will
come up with a fine project.

Sure. Mom. Good night,
Mom. Good night, Dad.

Good night.

- Good night, Mom.
- Good night, Wally.

Hey, Dad?

You know, there aren't any
Phoenicians around anymore.

No, that's right.

Over the years, they were
gradually absorbed by other races.

Eddie Haskell says

"What's the use of studying about a lot
of guys you'll never meet in business?"

Good night, Wally.

Well, girls and boys,
we have quite a few

very good suggestions
here for our class project.

I'd like to thank all of you.

And especially Larry,
who offered us his duck,

and Judy, who volunteered
her doll collection.

But I think that Angela
Valentine has a suggestion

we'll all be very happy with.

We're going to have
a class beauty contest.

Larry?

What are we gonna
have for the boys?

Oh, this is for everyone.

You're all going to bring
in your baby pictures,

and then we'll vote to see
who was the prettiest baby.

Yes, Judy?

I have a baby picture
that was taken in color.

My mother was gonna
send it to Hollywood,

but she loved me
too much to let me go.

To Hollywood!

Whitey?

I have a baby picture,
but I'm not by myself.

Does it count against
you if your father's in it?

No, Whitey.

Yes, Beaver?

I don't know if I have
any baby pictures.

And anyway, we couldn't
we go on a snake hunt

like Charles
Frederick suggested?

Yeah.

I'd rather look at snakes
than girls any day.

- Yeah!
- Tsk. Snakes.

What's wrong with snakes?

Larry, I think once we get into
it, we're gonna have a lot of fun.

Oh, and there's a big box of
candy for the person who wins.

- Candy?
- Oh, boy!

And he can share it
with the rest of the class.

Class dismissed.

I'll bet I win with my "going
to Hollywood" picture.

My mother said I used to
look just like Shirley Temple.

"My mother says I look
just like Shirley Temple."

You gonna bring a
baby picture, Beaver?

I guess we all gotta.

I got one of me
when I fell asleep

with my head in
a plate of spinach!

Gee, Larry, that
wouldn't win anything.

I know.

But Miss Landers wouldn't
let me bring my duck.

Hey, Beaver, hurry
up! Your bus is here!

Hurry up, Beaver.

- Good-bye, Mom.
- Have a nice day.

Mom, I forgot to tell you last night
I need a baby picture for school.

A baby picture? What for?

We're having a
class beauty contest,

and I've got to have it in by tomorrow, or
I'll be in big trouble with Miss Landers.

Well, Beaver, I can't get you
a baby picture just like that.

Let me look one up, and I'll
have it this evening for you.

- Come on, now. Don't miss your bus.
- Okay, Mom.

Would you pick one out
where I'm not so ugly?

'Cause I might win a
whole box of candy.

I'm coming, Mr. Crawford.

Bye.

Boy, he's always got something
goofy on his mind, doesn't he?

Hey, June, Beaver's
bus is outside.

I know, dear. He just left.

Wally, shouldn't you
be leaving for school?

- Sure, Dad. But first,
could I ask you something?
- Sure. What is it?

Well, is it all right with you
and Mom if I grow a mustache?

A mustache?

Yeah. A bunch of guys at school
are talking about growing them.

Wally, you're not old
enough to grow a mustache.

Well, when I'm
old enough, can I?

Why don't you wait until you
are old enough and then ask us?

Well, heck, Dad, I might forget.

Wally, go to school.

Yes, sir. So long, Mom.

- Bye.
- Bye, Dad.

What's the matter?

Oh, I don't know.

The Beaver asking for baby pictures
and Wally wanting to grow a mustache...

Are we really that old?

Well, we're not
getting any younger.

Now, Ward, why would
you spoil my day like that?

Sorry.

Aw.

That ought to do it.

I'll give that to Beaver as
soon as he comes home.

That's me.

I was about 1 years old.

Gee, Larry, you didn't
even look like a baby then.

Go on. He never
looked like a baby.

Aw, cut it out.

Did you see my picture?

Yeah, Judy, we saw
your goofy-looking picture.

What do you mean, goofy picture?

My mother says I look
just like Shirley Temple.

Shirley Temple's not a baby.

She's a grown-up
lady on television.

Where's your picture, Beaver?

I'm bringing one.
I'm bringing one.

I'll bet you were a real
homely-looking baby.

I was not. My mother said I
looked just like my grandmother.

Huh! Who wants to see a baby
that looks like a grandmother?

It's better than
looking like a baboon.

Huh!

- Hi, Mom.
- Hi.

What in the world is that?

It's a birdcage, Mom.

- Where'd you get it?
- Out of MacGregor's trash can.

Wally, we don't have a bird.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I know.

But, see, maybe a bird will
fly in the house sometime,

and then me and the Beaver could
catch it, and then we'd have a bird.

Aren't you being
a little childish?

Heck, Mom, you said I wasn't
old enough to grow a mustache.

Oh.

Did Mr. MacGregor see you
rooting around in his trash?

Oh, sure. He said it was okay.

He said I could have
dibs on all his junk.

Wally!

Don't put it there!

Well, heck, Mom.
There's no germs on it.

Their bird died a long time ago.

You put this right
out in the garage.

Okay, Mom, as soon
as I get a glass of milk.

Is it all right if I
just leave it here?

Well, yeah. Yeah, sure, Mom.

Hey, did you ever get that
baby picture for the Beaver?

Oh, yes. I found
some real cute ones,

some we had taken
when he was a little baby.

Boy, I sure hope he
doesn't win that thing.

Wally, why would you say that?

Well, heck, I don't
want to have a brother

that won a beauty contest.

Where is the picture, Mom?

Well, Beaver was so anxious
about them this morning

that I mailed it
to Miss Landers.

But there's some others just like it
in an envelope on your father's desk.

I think I'll take a look
at them. Thanks, Mom.

Boy!

Boy!

Boy, oh, boy!

- Hi, Mom.
- Hello there, Beaver.

Did you get my
picture for the contest?

I found one this morning, and to save
time I mailed it right to your teacher.

She should have it the
first thing in the morning.

You're the nicest mom
in the world. Thanks.

- You're welcome, Beaver.
- No, thank you.

- Hi, Wally.
- Hey, Beaver,
come here a minute.

What do you want, Wally?

I want to show you something.

What's wrong, Wally?

You just come in here, and
I'll show you what's wrong.

Boy!

Boy!

Boy, oh, boy!

Yeah, Beaver. Those are the
pictures Mom sent to Miss Landers.

Wally, how could
anyone do this to a baby?

Oh, well, heck, Beaver.

I've seen pictures like that in
ads for talcum powder and stuff.

Yeah, but nobody
knows who they are.

They're gonna put me
up on the bulletin board.

Gee, don't any of the other
kids have pictures like that?

Of course not.

The only one sort of like
it is Charles Fredericks'.

He's in bare feet, and you
should've heard them laughing at that.

Yeah. You're gonna
get the business, all right.

I'm gonna go tell Mom
what she did to me.

Hey, wait a minute,
Beaver. You can't do that.

You see, Mom had
those pictures taken,

and she thinks
they're real cute.

If you go in there
hollering about them,

you'll get her all upset.

She might probably even cry.

Gee, Wally, do you
really think she would cry?

She cried when you
got your first haircut.

- Right in the barber shop?
- Yeah.

Gee, Wally, I don't want to make
her cry. What am I gonna do?

Well, why don't you wait till Dad gets
home and then talk to him about it?

Well, gee, Wally, I feel funny
even talking about it to Dad.

But at least Dad won't cry.

Yeah.

Hey, Wally, who do you
think took the picture?

It says right down there.
Gene's Photo Studio.

I sure hope Gene wasn't a lady.

What are you doing in there?

Filling these
cigarette lighters.

What for? We never use them.

No, but if people come
here and find them empty,

they might look on it
as a lack of hospitality.

In other words, tonight you don't
want to help me with the dishes.

That's right.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Beaver.

Are you busy?

Just filling these
cigarette lighters.

- Can I watch you?
- Sure.

Dad, when you were a kid,

were your parents
ever mean to you?

Mean to me how?

Like, did they...

ever take a big stick
and hit you with it?

No, they never did
anything like that.

You want to hand
me that lighter fluid?

Here.

Well, did they ever do
anything to make you feel bad?

Who?

Your parents.

Oh, yeah, I suppose
they did now and then.

Well, and then did you
go to them and tell them

and they said they were
sorry and they fixed it?

Well, no. I didn't
do that, Beaver.

As I grew older, I
tried to realize that

whatever they did
was for my own good.

So I just tried to hide my
feelings and take it like a man.

Hand me that cap, will you?

Here.

What are you asking
all these questions for?

For nothing.

I just thought it'd be fun

to find out what it was
like when you were a kid.

- Is that you, Beaver?
- Yes, Mom.

Did you want to come back
and kiss me good night?

No thank you, Mom.

What's the matter?

I don't know. I just
can't get it to light.

What did Dad say?

He said I should hide my
feelings and take it like a man.

He said the same thing
when you had that stiff neck.

He uses that for a lot of stuff.

- Hey, don't go using
the bathtub.
- How come?

I got my birdcage in there,
soaking the dirt off of it.

Oh.

- Good morning, dear.
- Morning.

Well, the boys
left already, huh?

Beaver went to school
early and Wally just left.

Say, dear, what are you doing
with these baby pictures of Beaver?

Oh, I got those after
the school baby contest.

I mailed one of them to
Beaver's teacher yesterday.

- One like these?
- Uh-huh.

I think they're the cutest
pictures we ever had taken.

Don't you?

Oh, yes. They're
cute, all right.

I was just wondering if Beaver
would feel the same way about them.

What do you mean?

Well, it might embarrass him
having his friends see them.

Ward, do you think I'd send
anything that would embarrass him?

Oh, no, no.

Beaver didn't object, huh?

Well, Wally showed them to him,

and he hasn't said
anything to me.

Has he said anything to you?

No. No, not a word.

Well, I guess kids
aren't as sensitive today

as they were when I was a boy.

Good morning, Miss Landers.

Why, Beaver, you're
here early this morning.

Yes, Miss Landers.

The door was open, and I wanted
to talk to you alone, by yourself.

I just went down to the
principal's office for the mail.

- Did you open it yet?
- No, I haven't had a chance.

Oh, here's a letter
from your mother.

- Is this what you wanted
to talk to me about?
- Uh-huh.

- Well, suppose I open it
and then we'll talk about it?
- No!

I mean, couldn't we talk
about it before you open it?

Well, of course, Beaver.

Now, what is it
that's so serious?

Well, you see,

the letter my mom sent
you isn't a letter, it's a picture.

For the baby contest?

Yes, Miss Landers.

My mother and father don't
allow me to be in contests.

Really, Beaver? Why not?

Uh, well, it's
against their religion.

Now, Beaver, that isn't
the real reason, is it?

No, Miss Landers.

There's something wrong with the
picture. The kids would laugh at me.

Why don't we open it and
see what's wrong with it?

No, Miss Landers.
What's wrong with it

is what I don't want you to see.

Why, Beaver?

I don't have any clothes on.

Oh, I see.

Oh, but, Beaver,

little baby pictures
like this are just cute.

Miss Landers, they're
not cute when they're you.

No, Beaver, I guess they're not.

Miss Landers, if you put that
picture on the bulletin board,

I'm gonna run away
where nobody knows me

and never come back to Mayfield again
for the rest of my whole life till I die.

Well, Beaver, if
you feel like this,

I don't see any reason
to open this at all.

Suppose you take this picture home
and bring me another one tomorrow?

- Thank you, Miss Landers.
- You're welcome, Beaver.

Miss Landers, you won't tell
anybody about the picture, will you?

Why, of course not, Beaver.

- Miss Landers?
- Yes, Beaver?

You're a teacher now, but
how long since you were a kid?

Well, it was a while ago.

Boy, you sure still
remember what it was like.

Thank you, Beaver.

And if I ever start to forget,

I'd appreciate it if
you'd let me know.

Where have you been, Wally?

Out in the garage. I
just painted my birdcage.

Now what are you
gonna do with it?

Uh, I don't know.

- I think I might
get me a parrot.
- A parrot?

Yeah. Then I'd have
somebody to talk to.

You have the Beaver to talk to.

Yeah, but he's just a kid, Mom.

If I got a parrot, then I
could teach him to talk

about stuff I'm interested in.

Well, I think you'd better talk to
your father before you get a parrot.

Where is he, Mom?

He's in the den
talking to Beaver.

Oh. I won't bother him now.

See what I mean,
Dad? Isn't it awful?

Well, when I saw the
others this morning,

I was a little doubtful.

But, Beaver, why didn't you go and
talk to your mother about it right away?

Well, gee, Dad, Wally said she
might start crying and everything.

But anyway, this
isn't the kind of stuff

you want to talk
about to a lady.

No. No, I guess it isn't.

But why didn't you tell me?

I tried to last night,

but you told me to pipe
down and take stuff like a man.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, well, when I told
you to take things like a man,

I guess I sort of
forgot you're just a boy.

Miss Landers didn't forget.

She didn't even
look at the picture.

She said I could bring
another one back tomorrow.

I see.

Well, we'd better
go ask your mother

if she can dig up another one.

Gee, Dad, she thinks it's cute.

She's liable to start
bawling or something.

Yeah, I guess we do have a
little problem here, don't we?

I got to have a baby
picture. It's a class project.

There. How's that?

Gee, that's better already, Dad.

But couldn't you just
take a little more off?

Thanks a lot, Dad. It sure is
good when your father's a friend.

Yeah, Mom. Angela Valentine
won the beauty contest

and all the rest of us got
honorary mentions, and Judy cried.

Well, I thought your
picture might win first prize.

- It was so cute.
- It was cute, all right.

But I guess girls make
better babies. Where's Dad?

I think he's upstairs.

I'm gonna go tell him I lost.

- Hi, Dad.
- Hi, Beav.

Everything's okay. I lost, and
nobody laughed at my picture.

Oh, well, I'm certainly
glad to hear that, Beav.

You know, there's
just one thing, though.

Come here. Sit down.

Uh, you know that there
was really nothing wrong

with that picture
in the first place.

- Nothing wrong with it?
- No, it was just
a baby picture.

It was nothing to be ashamed of.

But, gee, Dad, if the kids had
seen it, they would've laughed at me.

Now, let's get this
straight, Beaver.

Whatever bad thoughts those fellows
may have had were just in their minds.

You know, they say beauty

is in the eyes of the beholder.

Well, lots of times,
ugliness is too.

You mean all the bad stuff in
the world is in people's minds?

Well, a great deal
of them are, Beaver.

Come on, Beaver.
Hurry up. Get washed.

Okay, Mom.

Ward, I think it's a shame

that cute picture of the
Beaver's didn't win the contest.

Oh, I don't think I'd feel
too bad about it if I were you.

I think maybe one beauty contest
winner in this family's enough.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA