Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 3, Episode 38 - The Last Day of School - full transcript

Starring...

and...

♪ No more pencils ♪

♪ No more books ♪

♪ No more tea... ♪

Hello, Miss Landers.

Well, Richard, you
seem quite happy

that Friday's the
last day of school.

Well, you know how
it is, Miss Landers.

I think I do.

I was in the fourth grade once.



No fooling, Miss Landers?

That's right.

It's kind of hard to figure you
getting yelled at by a teacher.

Well, I had my
share of scolding.

Miss Landers, should
I throw this away?

That can't be yours, Beaver.
Where did it come from?

I don't know. It
was in my locker

when I got it last fall.

I think it would be
safe to throw it away.

Now when you boys finish,
you come into the classroom.

Yes, Miss Landers.

Look, Kathleen.

The pigs are cleaning
out their pig pen.

Hey, Judy, is that
your own face,



or are you breaking
it in for a witch?

That's not so funny.

Not as funny as your face.

Beaver...

Why, Beaver, are you sticking
your tongue out at Judy?

No, Miss Landers. I
was just giving it some air.

All right.

Everyone in the classroom.

Come on.

Boy, I can't wait till Friday

to see the last of
that creepy Judy.

Yeah.

Hey, Beaver, what
do you suppose this is?

Smells like it used
to be a peach.

Smells like it used to be a
peach a heck of a long time ago.

Hey, Mom, tomorrow's
the last day of school.

Hey, Dad, how come
you're eating standing up?

Because I'm in a hurry, Beav.

I guess the food goes
down faster that way, Dad.

Yeah, I guess so.

What do you want
for school, Beaver?

You see, Mom, tomorrow's
the last day of school,

and we're going
to have a little party.

And we're all bringing
presents for Miss Landers.

Only thing is they
shouldn't cost too much

so it won't look like we're
giving the teacher payola.

I think your mother
can find something

that will avoid the
suggestion of bribery.

Say, Mom, could...

Hey, Dad, how come
you're eating standing up?

Because this way, the
food goes down faster.

He got that one from me.

Well, bye, dear.

Bye.

Bye, Dad.

Just think, Beaver...

Tomorrow is the
last day of school.

Boy, that's a gyp.

We got to stick around
a whole extra week

and watch the crummy
seniors graduate.

Don't worry, Wally. One of these
days, you'll be a crummy senior,

and they'll have to stay
around and watch you graduate.

Yeah, I suppose so.

Hey, Mom, would you get Miss
Landers something kind of nice?

Because she's not
only a good teacher,

she's a pretty good guy, too.

You know something, Mom?

I think the Beaver's
stuck on his teacher.

I am not.

I was stuck on her
the first year I had her,

but now I just like
her like I like Mom.

Now, isn't that a sweet
thing for you to say, Beaver?

He knows it's sweet of
him too, Mom. Don't worry.

Boy, it sure seems funny
having clean lockers, huh, Gilbert?

Yeah.

After we cleaned
them out yesterday,

the janitor must have
sprayed them with something.

They don't smell like they did.

Yeah. Now they smell like
when my mom cleans the sink.

Hey, Beaver, what are you getting
Miss Landers for her present?

I don't know. I'm leaving that up to
my mom. What are you getting her?

I saw a fountain pen in the
drug store yesterday for 59 cents.

Only I figure if it leaked
on her, she'd get mad at me.

Yeah.

What are you getting her?

I don't know, but my
dad said to take it easy

because I might change
schools next year.

You're really going
to change schools?

No, but my dad always tells me
that when I ask him for money.

Yeah.

I wonder what that creepy Judy
Hensler is getting Miss Landers.

She's giving her perfume
that smells like roses.

I wonder if it's all right

to give a teacher something
to make her smell like a rose.

Sure. They got as much right
as anybody to smell like a rose.

Hey, Richard, what are
you getting Miss Landers?

I'm getting her a frog
to hold down her papers.

A real frog?

No, an iron frog.

A real frog would
just jump around.

I forgot my key.

What are you doing home
in the middle of the morning?

I left in such a
hurry this morning,

I forgot my briefcase.

Oh, it's in on the coffee table.

Oh.

Dear, now that you're home,
why don't you have lunch here?

Oh, I'd love to, dear, but
Fred Rutherford invited me

to have lunch at the
Hampshire House.

Fred Rutherford? Isn't
that over-generous of him?

Well, I was on the phone to
the New York office all morning,

and he's just anxious to find
out if I learned anything special.

Well, did you?

No, but I'm not going to
tell him that until after lunch.

You're always teasing
that poor old Fred.

Say, June, did you get Beaver's
present for Miss Landers?

I was just going
to call the store.

I thought some handkerchiefs

would be a nice
middle-of-the-road gift.

- Yeah, fine.
- Dear?

Aren't you going to
kiss me good-bye?

Well, all right, but I kissed
you once this morning already.

Hello, Berman's?

Could I speak to Louise, please?

Hello, Louise. This
is June Cleaver.

I'm fine, thank you.

Say, Louise, I need
some handkerchiefs.

Oh, about a half a dozen.

That would be fine.

Oh, Louise, remember those
two nylon slips I bought last week?

Well, would you
send me another one?

Yes, the same size.

Good. Oh, and would you
put them in separate packages?

I want the handkerchiefs
gift-wrapped.

All right. Thanks so much.

Bye.

Hi, Beav.

- Hi, Wally.
- Where's Mom and Dad?

I don't know. Breakfast was
down here by itself when I came in.

Mine's here, too.

It's like The Three
Bears, Wally.

Spooky.

No, it's not spooky.

They probably just went
upstairs to get something.

- Hi, boys.
- Hello, fellows.

Hi, Mom.

I see you found your breakfast.

Yeah. Where you guys been?

I just went upstairs to
get my purse and gloves.

Beaver said you guys
ran off and deserted us.

I did not. I just
said it was spooky.

Your mother's going to take me down to
the office. She wants to use the car today.

Hey, Mom, did you get my
present for Miss Landers?

Yes, Beaver. It's
in on the hall table.

I want both of you boys
to finish your breakfast.

Wally, would you see that
this back door is locked?

Mom, what is it?

Beaver, you come right
home after school, too.

Dear, I have an
appointment at the office.

Oh, all right, dear.

See you later, boys.

- Bye, Mom.
- Bye.

Bye, Mom.

Hey, where are you going?

I'm going to get my
present for Miss Landers.

Here's her present.

It looks kind of big.

Wonder what's in there.

What difference does it make?

It's supposed to be
a surprise, isn't it?

It's supposed to be a
surprise to Miss Landers.

It's not supposed to
be a surprise for me.

Boy, I'd sure like to
know what's in there.

Well, here. Let me see it.

I think if you slip the
ribbon off this end,

you can open it and
put it back on again.

Hey, Wally, where'd
you learn that?

At Christmastime
when I used to be a kid.

Whatever it is, it's pink.

Yeah. It's got some
kind of lace on it.

Boy, Beaver, it's a slip.

That's some kind of
ladies' underwear, isn't it?

Sure, it's some kind
of ladies' underwear.

Gee, Wally, I can't give Miss Landers
underwear in front of the whole class.

Well, maybe you could.

You're just a little kid.

Yeah, but I'm
not that little a kid.

Yeah, I guess you're not.

Boy, it's a lucky
thing you opened this.

What would you have done
if Miss Landers would have

held that up in front
of the whole class?

I guess I would have died.

What are you going to do?

It's the only present you got.

I guess I'll have to
run away to Mexico

for the rest of my life.

Yeah, but you better
go to school first.

You don't want to go getting
yourself in all kinds of trouble.

I'm not going to give it to her.

Hey, Beaver, maybe you
could take the card off it

and give it to her anonymously.

Wally, that's a good...

No, then I'd be the only
kid without a present,

and she'd know I
was the anonymous.

Hey, Wally, you drank
my milk, didn't you?

Yeah, but I'm sorry.

If I would have known this was going
to happen to you, I wouldn't have done it.

Oh, Judy, that's a
lovely bottle of perfume.

Isn't it, class?

Yes, Miss Landers.

You're only supposed
to use a little at a time

because it's so expensive.

I'll remember that, Judy.

Did you like my fountain
pen, Miss Landers?

Why, it's very nice, Gilbert.

You can smear a whole
piece of paper with butter

and then write a letter on it.

Well, that's wonderful,
isn't it, class?

Yes, Miss Landers.

Like my iron frog, Miss Landers?

I certainly do, Richard.

If you don't have any papers to
hold down during the summer,

you could hold
back doors with it.

Thank you, Richard.

You know how to work
my present, Miss Landers?

Well, not exactly, Whitey.

You put it on
your head like this,

then you punch at it.

This is here so it won't
hit you in the nose.

Of course, it wouldn't hurt
if it did hit you in the nose,

but this is here so it
won't hit you in the nose.

I see.

That was very sweet of you.

And I want to thank all
of you for your presents.

All except Beaver.

He didn't bring any.

Oh, well, Beaver gave
me a very nice present...

A picture of our
capitol in Washington.

That wasn't a real present.

That was just some old postcard
somebody wrote to his mother.

Well, it's the
thought that counts.

And now I have a
surprise for all of you.

We're all going
to the cafeteria,

and we're going to
have ice cream and cake.

Oh, boy.

Now come along
quietly, children.

Hey, Beav, what happened?

You spend your money
on candy or something?

Dry up, will you, Whitey?

You can't tell me to
dry up. I'm your pal.

Dry up anyway.

Hi, dear.

Hi.

I was going to pick you
up as soon as I finished this.

Fred Rutherford
gave me a ride home.

Oh.

He left the office early today.

He had to stop by the doctor's
to pick up his boy Lumpy.

Lumpy's sick?

No. He cut his mouth playing
clarinet in the school band.

How could he do that?

Well, it seems the band was
practicing for the graduation parade,

and they made a quick turn,

and Lumpy marched
into a brick wall.

I suppose that could only
happen to a Rutherford.

Any of our offspring around?

Well, Beaver isn't.

His class is having a little party
to celebrate the last day of school.

When I was a kid, we used to
celebrate the last day of school

by taking our shoes off,

and we never put them on
again for the rest of the summer.

Now Ward, don't you go
telling the boys that kind of story.

What kind of stories, Dad?

Stories about me running
around barefoot when I was a boy.

Yes, Wally, and I don't want
you doing things like that.

Oh. I guess that's too
much fun, huh, Dad?

Yeah, something like that.

Hey, where's the Beaver?

He's not home yet.

Gee, I thought he'd be
home crying a long time ago.

Why would he be home crying?

Oh. Well, heck, I don't know.

Uh, well, you know
how kids his age are.

They'll cry about
a lot of stuff.

I got to be going now.

I'm going to go mess around.

Ward, the way Wally's talking,

you think something's going
on we don't know about?

Dear, when you have children,

there's always something
going on you don't know about.

What are we
going to do about it?

There's nothing you can do.

Just have to sit tight
and wait for the explosion.

Come in.

Why, Theodore, I thought all
you boys and girls went home.

Yes, Miss Landers.

All us boys and girls
went home, except for me.

Did you want something?

I started to go home,

but then I came back
because I wanted to talk to you.

Well, what about?

That present I gave you...

That was just an old postcard
that somebody sent my mother.

Well, it was nice of
you anyway, Beaver.

I wanted to explain why I
didn't get you a real present.

It's not on account of I don't
like you, or I'm a rat or anything.

Well, I know that.

You see, my mother was going to buy
you a present, but something happened.

Well, maybe your mother was busy

and didn't have
time to go shopping.

Yeah, that's what
happened. She's been busy.

She's been busy being sick.

Sick? Is it anything serious?

Oh, no. It's just pneumonia.

Pneumonia?

Oh, why Beaver,
that's very serious.

Oh, it's not the dying
kind of pneumonia.

It's just the kind that
won't let you go shopping.

Oh, that kind of pneumonia.

Was there something
else you wanted to tell me?

No, Miss Landers.

Miss Landers?

There is something else.

Oh?

Yeah. I want to tell you I was
just making all that junk up.

Well, I thought perhaps
you were, Beaver.

Well, I got you a present,
and it's in my empty locker,

but I was too scared
to give it to you.

Well, why, Beaver?

On account of it's... It's...

Underwear.

Underwear?

It's the ladies' kind
of underwear. A slip.

A slip?

Well, yeah. And it's
got strings and lace.

Gee, heck, my mother
bought it for you.

I guess that would been kind of
embarrassing in front of the class.

It would have been
embarrassing just in front of me.

I think I understand, Beaver.

And don't you worry about it.

And thank you very
much for your postcard.

Miss Landers, that thing
we were talking about...

I guess it's kind of nice that my
mom bought it for you and everything.

It's outside in my empty locker.

Well, would you like
to go and get it now?

Oh, no.

I was just thinking...
After I leave the building,

it wouldn't be too embarrassing
for me if you went and got it.

All right, Beaver.

And you have a nice vacation.

Thank you, Miss Landers.

You have a nice vacation, too.

Ward?

Yeah, I'm in here, dear.

Oh, Ward, look.

I just opened this
package from Berman's,

and look what I found.

They look like
handkerchiefs to me.

Well, of course
they're handkerchiefs.

They were supposed
to be gift-wrapped

for Beaver to take
to Miss Landers.

Beaver took a
package this morning.

There was one on the hall table.

I know, dear, but the
store mixed them up.

What he took this morning
was the slip I ordered.

June, you mean our son went
happily off to school this morning

with a slip for his teacher
tucked under his arm?

It was a very lovely slip.

I'm afraid you missed the point.

Can you imagine
Beaver's feelings

when Miss Landers opened
it in front of the whole class?

Oh, dear.

It must have been awful.

Awful is hardly the word for it.

No wonder he's
late getting home.

I wouldn't be surprised
if he never comes back.

But, Ward, he's going
to blame me for it.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

Oh, Beaver, you poor dear.

You little darling.

Gee, Mom, it's just me.

I want you to know,
Beaver, it wasn't my fault.

No, Beaver. Your mother got
some handkerchiefs for Miss Landers,

but somehow, the
boxes got mixed up.

It was just a mistake.

Yeah, Mom. I kept telling myself

you wouldn't do this to me.

Now I'm sure glad I can
believe what I was saying.

I'm going to call
up Miss Landers,

and I'm going to explain
the whole thing to her.

No, Mom. I don't
want you to do that.

Do you want me to do it?

Gee, Dad, no.

I don't want you talking
underwear to my teacher, either.

Beaver, I think someone should
call her up and straighten this out.

Well, gee, Dad,

me and Miss Landers
already got it straightened out.

Trying to straighten it out
again just might mess it up.

All right, Beaver.

Well, he got himself involved
in a real mix-up, didn't he?

Yes. And when
he left this morning,

he was looking forward
to a happy carefree day.

I guess it's pretty hard

to have a happy carefree
day when you're Beaver's age.

About the only way
to really guarantee it

is to stay away from adults.

- Sure is a neat model.
- Yeah.

Hey, what happened
in school today?

- Nothing much.
- What do you mean,
nothing much?

This morning, you were afraid
to go on account of the present.

You said you were going to run
away to Mexico for the rest of your life.

That was this morning.

Yeah, I didn't think you'd
really go through with it.

Running away to Mexico only
looks good when you're in trouble.

Yeah, I guess so.

Hey, Wally, where do
the kids in Mexico say

they're going to run away to?

I don't know. They
probably got someplace.

Come on, will you, Beav?

Only three places
set this morning.

Yes, there's no school
for Beaver today,

and he wanted to sleep.

Oh. Well, he may as
well enjoy his luxury

until his final
report card comes.

Now, Ward, Beaver always
gets good grades in his studies.

Oh, I know that. It's those
fringe areas I'm worried about.

You know, like last month...
He got a B-in tenacity.

Do you suppose
that's good or bad?

Well, I suppose it depends

on whether you're
a boy or a bulldog.

Hey, what's the idea of you
just sitting there staring at me?

I can stare at you if I want to.

You're just doing that

because I got to go to
school and you don't.

That's right. It makes
me feel real neat.

Okay, but just wait till
school starts up again.

Then you got to go
two days before I do.

I'm just going to lie around in
bed and watch you go to school.

Okay, you can be a rat then,

but I'm having fun
being a rat now.

See you later, Beav.

See you, Wally.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA