Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 3, Episode 34 - Beaver, the Model - full transcript

Starring...

And...

Look, Wally. You can make
yourself hundreds of dollars a day

doing glamorous
and exciting work.

Look, Beaver, I
told you before...

I don't want to be
a New York model.

But all you got to do
is send your picture in.

Look, first of all, I don't like
to have my picture taken,

and second, you got to be
good-looking to be a model.

But Mom says
you're good-looking.

She's just prejudiced.



What's that?

Well, that's because
she's a mom.

Even if a guy had
a face like a bulldog,

his mom would say
he's good-looking.

Yeah. I guess even if
Frankenstein had a mother,

she'd say he was
good-looking, too.

Sure, but that doesn't mean he
could get a job as a New York model.

Why don't you send
your picture in anyway?

Maybe you're not good-looking
enough to make $100 a day,

but maybe you're good-looking
enough to make 5 or 10.

Cut it out, Beaver.

This is only one of those things

that looks good in a magazine.

You know, like raising
mushrooms in your basement.



But gee, Wally, I never
knew a model before.

Well, boys, we're going.

Beaver, Wally.

Boy, you guys
are all dressed up.

We're going to have
dinner with the Comptons.

What's a Compton?

Mr. Compton's an attorney

for your father's firm.

Oh, yeah. I remember him.

He came over at Christmastime.

Shook hands with both of us,

but he didn't give us anything.

Well, yes, Wally.

That's the man we're
going to have dinner with.

Gee, Dad, you're always eating
with people from your business.

Don't you ever get to
eat with people you like?

Mr. Compton's one of
your father's best friends.

Honey, I think we
better be going.

Yes.

Mom?

Yes, Beaver?

Do we have any
good pictures of me?

Pictures? I think there's some in
the desk. What do you want them for?

Oh, I don't want them for now.

I just wanted to know where
they are in case I needed them.

Well, we'll be home early, boys.

Wally, you keep
an eye on things.

Sure, Dad. Don't worry.

I won't let the Beaver
goof up anything.

Bye, boys.

Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad.

Mr. Compton's a
lawyer, huh, Wally?

Yeah. He's a lawyer.

Is that why he doesn't
believe in Christmas?

Hey, Beaver.

Where you going?

Just downstairs
to get a picture.

Hey, you're not going to send your
picture in to be a model, are you?

Well, I might.

Boy, wait till they
see your puss.

That'll ruin the modeling
business worse than Frankenstein.

"Dear Master Cleaver,

"After a careful appraisal

"of your recently
submitted photograph,

"our company, one of
the largest in the business,

"considers you one of our top
prospects in the modeling field.

"We therefore request
your permission

"to include your likeness
in our forthcoming edition

of our annual
Model's Directory."

They sent this to Beaver?

Uh-huh. It came this afternoon.

"If you will sign and
return the enclosed form,

"we will include you on our
carefully selected list of clients.

"Congratulations.
The door is now open.

"Ahead lies a lucrative future

in the glamorous
field of modeling."

Good gosh, whose picture
did he send in, Tony Curtis'?

No, he sent his own.

And I've never seen him
so excited in his whole life.

He's been making plans ever
since he came home from school.

He says he's going to buy you
a sports car and me a mink coat.

Well, dear, this letter's
obviously some sort of come-on.

Why didn't you tell him?

Well, I thought you
should be the one.

Oh, sure. Let the father
ruin the illusions of childhood.

Now, Ward.

You know, Wally, I never knew
I was such a good-looking guy.

Heck, Beaver, to me
you still look like nothing.

How come they
sent me that letter?

I don't know.

Maybe in New York,
you don't look so creepy.

You know, Wally,

maybe I can pose for a
bicycle, and they'll give me one.

But you already got a bike.

Yeah.

But any guy who's
making $100 a day

should have two bikes.

Hi, fellas.

Hi, Dad.

Dad, when I go to
New York to be a model,

is it okay if I quit school?

Well, Beaver, I think you're
getting a little carried away here.

You see, I read
this letter over, and...

Well, Beav, I'm afraid
it's just a real come-on.

Well, sure it is, Dad.

They want me to come on
to New York and be a model.

Beaver, I think Dad
means it's a gyp.

Oh, it can't be, Dad.

You see, Beaver, they
send this same letter out

to everyone who
sends in a picture.

Even ugly guys?

Even ugly guys.

Is the whole thing a real
honest-to-goodness gyp?

Yeah, Beaver.

It's a real
honest-to-goodness gyp.

You better forget
about this letter.

And if they send you any
more, you better just ignore them.

Yes, sir.

Hey, Eddie, how come we didn't go
over to your house and mess around?

My pop's sore at me.

Yeah? What'd you do?

Last night, I came down
to dinner in my bare feet.

Well, did he holler at you?

No. He just said to my mother,

"Tell that creep to
go put his shoes on."

I guess we can
mess around in here.

Hey, what's all this junk
addressed to your brother?

Your pop sending him to
summer camp to get rid of him?

No, Beaver sent his picture
in to some modeling agency,

and they want him to sign up.

My father told him it was a gyp.

What are you knocking
modeling school for?

I think that's the way
Sal Mineo got started.

Well, he was going
to send the blank in,

but my father doesn't want
him getting messed up with it.

Hey, Eddie, let's go get
something to eat, huh?

Hey, Wally, why don't you go
down and bring me up something?

Every time I walk
in the kitchen,

your mother's always
giving me that look.

What look?

You know, like I'm a
roach or something.

Okay, I'll go get you something.

- Hi, Beav.
- Hi, Wally.

Eddie's in there.

Hi, Eddie.

Hi, Beaver. You gnaw
down any trees today?

Cut it out, will you, Eddie?

Hey, I hear you're thinking
about being a model.

Well, I sent my picture in,

but my dad's not going to
let them put it in the book

because he says the
whole thing's a gyp.

He told you that, huh?

Listen, I've heard
that line myself.

What do you mean, Eddie?

They'll do it to
you all the time.

I sent away for a booklet,

and I had a chance to get
into radio and television.

My old man killed it.

He wouldn't give me the
measly 80 bucks to sign up.

Gee, Eddie, how come?

He doesn't want
anybody around the house

making more money than he is.

My father's not like that.

Okay, but are you
going to let your pop

ruin your whole
career as a model?

Gee, Eddie, maybe I wouldn't
have a career as a model.

What do you mean?

Come here.

Take a look in the mirror.

Now, you may not be in my class,

but you're not the
ugliest kid in the world.

Gee, thanks a lot, Eddie.

Sure.

These guys wouldn't be
sending you an application

if they didn't think
you had something.

This is your chance to be a
millionaire while you're still a kid.

Hey, Eddie,

my mom says if you
want something to eat,

you better come down to
the kitchen and get it yourself.

Okay, okay.

Don't forget what
I told you, kid.

Don't let them push you around

just because they're
bigger than you.

What were you
telling him, Eddie?

I wasn't telling him nothing.

"Gentlemen, I would like to take
advantage of your generous offer

"and hereby give you
permission to use my photograph

"in your annual
Model's Directory.

"I furthermore agree

to all your terms
and conditions."

- Hello, Wally.
- Hi, Mom.

Well, you didn't bring Eddie
Haskell home with you today.

No, he's grounded.

His father's making him come
right home from school all this week.

What did he do?

Gee, I don't know, Mom.

It must be something real weird

because he's not allowed
to use the phone, either.

Why doesn't Eddie
behave himself?

Heck, Mom, if he did
that, he wouldn't be Eddie.

No, thanks, Mom.

Hey, Beaver come
home from school yet?

I promised to play
catch with him.

Yes. He waited out front
until the mail man came,

and he's been up in
his room ever since.

Oh. He probably sent away
for some kind of junk again.

Hi, Beaver.

Hi, Wally.

Did you have a
nice day at school?

All right, what have
you been up to?

What do you mean,
what have I been up to?

Well, you must have been up to
something to look that innocent.

I haven't been up to anything.

Well, I just happened to
get this letter in the mail.

Hey, it's from
that model agency.

"Dear sir,

"In accordance with
your signed request..."

"Please send the required
registration fee of $30 by..."

"$30 by return mail."

Boy, Beaver, how come
they're asking you for $30?

I don't know.

I guess because I signed
the application and sent it in.

But gee, Beaver,
Dad told you not to.

He told you it was a gyp.

I know, but then Eddie Haskell
told me Dad just told me that

because he didn't want me
making more money than he did.

Boy, you're in a real mess.

What are you going to do?

Well...

Dad said if I got any more
letters, to ignore them.

I think this is a good one
to start ignoring them on.

Yeah, you can ignore them,

but something tells me
these aren't the kind of people

that'll ignore you.

- Excuse me, dear.
- Oh.

Hey, dear, when I
came home today,

I saw Beaver sitting
out front on the curb.

What was he doing that for?

I don't know.

He sits out on the curb
and waits for the mail man

practically every day.

Oh.

Well, he's probably found
a new friend in the mailman.

I remember when I
was a boy on the farm,

the mailman and
the mail order catalog

were about our only contacts

with the gay and
glamorous outside world.

I just can't imagine
you on the farm.

You're so suave and
sophisticated now.

"Dear sir,

"Up until now, we have
taken a conciliatory attitude,

"blaming your failure to
answer our letters on oversight.

"However, if the
payment of our $30 fee

"is not in this office
within five days,

we are turning the matter over
to our attorneys for collection."

"Please avoid further financial
assessments and embarrassment

by remitting at once."

Boy, Beaver, did you get
any more of these letters?

Yeah. I got four of them.

Wally, what does it mean?
"Further embarrassment"?

Well, that's like when a guy comes
banging at your door with a summons.

Then he takes you down
to court and sues you,

and then they take your
picture and put it in the paper

and say "Beaver is a crook."

That's further embarrassment.

Well, gee, Wally, I
don't want any of that.

What am I going to do?

Well, you better go
down and talk to Dad.

He's the one that told me
the whole thing was a gyp

and not to have
anything to do with them.

Sure, but he's going to find out

when they drag
you down to court,

so you might as
well tell him now.

Yeah.

But I think I'll wait till
tomorrow to tell him.

What good is that?

Well, I might have some good luck
in the night and die or something.

No, nothing like that ever
happens when you want it to.

You better go down
and talk to Dad now.

Yeah, I guess so.

Dear, how did you
mean it a while ago

when you said I was
suave and sophisticated?

I just meant you were
suave and sophisticated.

Oh, that's how you meant it.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

- Hi.
- Hello, Beav.

You want something, Beaver?

Yes, Dad.

Could you tell me a story?

What kind of a story?

Oh, any kind of story,

like a story about
guys owning money,

and they can't pay it.

Well, let's see.

There was Charles Dickens.

Did he owe guys money?

No, but he wrote
about people who did.

There was one book
about a whole family

who had to go to debtors' prison

because they
couldn't pay their bills.

The kids, too?

Yeah, kids, too.

Oh.

If you like,

we could get you some
of Mr. Dickens' books.

Oh, no, thanks, Mom.

It's bad enough hearing
about junk like that

without having to read it.

Dear, why would he be asking
questions like that, about owning money?

Well, I think I can just
about see what happened.

Either in the candy
store or at school,

he borrowed 10
cents or so from Larry.

Now Larry's pressing
him for the money,

so Beaver figured if he came
in and hinted around a little bit,

we'd try to get
to the bottom of it,

and wind up giving him
the money to pay Larry.

But it didn't work.

You know, you're very clever
to have figured all that out.

Oh, of course, dear.

That's because I'm so
suave and sophisticated.

Hey, Beaver, how'd
you make out with Dad?

Not very good.

He just told me a
whole bunch of junk

that made the whole thing worse.

Oh.

Well, would you like me to go
down and talk to him for you?

No, he'd probably just
tell you the same stories.

Yeah.

Hey, Beav, it's too
bad you're not bigger.

Then you could hire a
lawyer and fight this company,

like they do on television.

Listen, Wally, if I was bigger,

they'd be afraid to send me a
letter like this in the first place.

- Hi, dear.
- Hi.

This is the first
afternoon this week

I've come home and haven't found
Beaver sitting on the curb in front.

He hasn't even come
home from school yet.

He's probably playing somewhere.

You don't suppose he got in trouble
and they kept him after school, do you?

Not on a Friday, dear.
That's the one day

a child never gets
in trouble at school.

Well, I just wish he'd get home.

I wouldn't worry about it.

Right now, he's probably
calling on one of his little friends.

Can I help you, sonny?

No, ma'am, but Mr. Compton can.

I'd like to see him, please.

Well, Mr. Compton is quite busy.

To see him, I'm afraid you should
have made an appointment in advance.

Well, I didn't know in advance
I was going to be in trouble.

Couldn't you please tell him
it's his friend Theodore Cleaver?

Well, you take a magazine
and sit over there. I'll see.

Mr. Compton, there's a
Theodore Cleaver here to see you.

You don't mean
Ward Cleaver, do you?

No, Theodore. He's a little boy.

Oh, yes. Ward's boy.

Yes, I guess he can
come in for a minute.

This isn't like the
dentist's office.

The magazines don't
have pictures in them.

Yes, I know.

Mr. Compton will see you now.

Well, well, Theodore.

It's been quite a while
since I've seen you.

Yes, sir. Since last Christmas,
when you just shook my hand.

Well, what can I
do for you, son?

You selling Boy Scout
cookies or something?

No, sir. It's not cookies.

I'd like to hire
you as my lawyer.

I'm being sued.

Sued? Well, just
who is suing you?

A whole lot of people.

Their names are all right here.

Suppose you sit down over
there while I look these over.

Well, model agency.

They do seem to be
putting the pressure on you.

Yes, sir. They started
out talking real nice,

then all of a sudden,
they got mean.

Did your father send you
down here to talk to me?

Oh, no, sir. I couldn't
tell him about the letters.

You couldn't tell your
father you were in trouble?

No, sir, on account
of in the beginning,

he told me the whole
thing was a gyp.

And not to have
anything to do with them.

But then a wise guy kid told
me a whole bunch of junk,

and I did it anyway.

Well, I guess I can
handle this for you.

Are you going to be
mean back at them?

Oh, I think we can
call off these bulldogs.

Mr. Compton, I
got in trouble before

not asking how much stuff costs.

How much are you
going to charge me?

Well, Beaver, my fees vary.

How much can you
afford to pay me?

Well, I got 46 cents saved up.

Would that be enough to
make you be mean to them?

Yes, Beaver.

And I'm going to take that fee

because I think you should learn

that any time you put
yourself in a position

where you can't go
to your father for help,

it's going to cost
you something in life.

Do you understand
that, Theodore?

Yes, sir. I didn't
think I'd get out of this

without somebody bawling me out.

Well, Theodore, you
did a very foolish thing,

and you disobeyed your father.

Don't you think you
deserve a bawling out?

Yes, sir.

But I thought it'd be easier to come
to someone I didn't know so well.

Beaver, you can't
expect strangers

to be as understanding
as your own parents.

Gee, even when a guy's paying
46 cents to be understanding?

Not even then.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, I see.

Well, thanks a lot, George.

Right. Good-bye.

Dear, do you know Beaver
went upstairs right after supper

and fell asleep with
all his clothes on?

Wally and I had to undress
him to put him in bed.

Well, I'm not surprised.
He's had a very busy week.

Well, he's hardly done anything.

Just sat around every afternoon,
waiting to talk to the mailman.

He's hardly done anything, huh?

Do you know that young man has
been threatened with legal action?

He has hired a lawyer, and he's
paid him 46 cents to handle his case.

When did all this happen?

George Compton just called.

It seems that Beaver
ignored my advice

and got himself involved

with those gyps from
the modeling agency.

They threatened to sue him,

and George is getting
him off the hook.

So that's what's been
going on all this time.

That's right.

Well, dear, I know
Beaver's been through a lot,

but I think you should speak
to him tomorrow morning.

After all, we don't want
him getting involved

in something like this again.

I don't really think there's
much danger of that.

Apparently, George
really let him have it.

I hope he wasn't mean to him.

Well, he was firm.

And I think it'll do
Beaver a lot of good.

You know, a parent can
tell a child something's wrong

until he's blue in the face,

but when someone else tells him,

then it really makes
an impression.

Dear, dear, did George
really take Beaver's 46 cents?

He sure did.

I have an idea it was about the
best 46 cents' worth of experience

Beaver will ever get, too.

Hey, Beaver, aren't you
going to put on clean socks?

Uh-uh. I'm just turning
the old ones inside out.

They're not dirty on this side.

You know something, Beaver?

You're kind of a slob.

I am not.

When the school
nurse came around,

I got a gold star for having the
cleanest ears in the whole class.

Yeah? It's lucky
they don't inspect feet.

That's all I got to say.

Yeah.

Hey, Beaver, did
you really go into that

lawyer's office all by
yourself? No fooling?

Sure I did.

Weren't you scared?

Sure I was scared.

I'm always scared
of guys in offices.

That's what you get
for messing stuff up.

Yeah.

You know, Wally, I can't
wait until I'm old enough

not to mess stuff up anymore.

Heck, Beaver, nobody ever
gets too old not to mess stuff up.

That's why right
here in Mayfield,

they've got three whole
buildings full of lawyers.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA