Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 3, Episode 33 - The Spot Removers - full transcript

Starring...

and...

Well, what a charming
domestic scene.

Hi, dear.

Mother sewing in the kitchen,

dinner bubbling on the hearth.

Just like something
out of Louisa May Alcott.

That's very sweet, dear,

but I'm not really sewing.

I'm putting a button
on Wally's good suit.

He's going to a
party Saturday night.



If he's worried about
buttons on his clothes,

it's a sure sign
he's growing up.

There are going to
be girls at the party.

That may be one of the
reasons for his sudden maturity.

Yeah. I don't know anything
that'll age a fella faster than girls.

Where's Beaver?

He and that boy from
his class, Richard,

went fishing after school.

Hope they don't catch anything.

I don't feel like
cleaning fish tonight.

Hi, guys.

- Hello, Wally.
- Hi, Wally.

I understand you're going to a
social gathering tomorrow night.

Heck, Dad, it's
nothing like that.



It's just a bunch
of guys and girls.

The only thing ritzy
is we're wearing suits.

Well, I sewed your button on.

Thanks, Mom. It was Eddie
Haskell's idea to wear suits.

He says if any of the other guys
show up wearing jackets or car coats,

they'll feel creepy.

Well, uh, you hang
it up neatly now.

Don't just jam it in
your closet, Wally.

Sure, Mom.

Is the Beaver home yet?

No, he's gone fishing.

Beaver's going fishing reminds
me of when I used to fish for eels.

Eels?

Yeah. Yeah, we used to
bait our hooks with liver,

and we'd drop them down where
the drainpipe emptied into the river.

We'd pull some out
of there 3 feet long.

Great big wiggling fellas.

We'd take them down...

What's the matter, dear?

Please, dear, I'm
cooking spaghetti.

Thanks for letting me
use your pole, Beaver.

Thanks for letting me
use your pole, Richard.

Too bad we didn't catch
anything, huh, Beav?

It's not too bad because my
mom doesn't like to clean fish.

Hey, my mom doesn't
like to clean fish, either.

How come women
don't like to clean fish?

I don't know.

They don't like to
do a lot of neat stuff.

I'll see you, Richard.

Hey, Beaver, you want
your share of the bait?

Yeah. I might go
fishing over the weekend.

You got something
to put them in?

I'll stick them in my
picket till I find something.

Take some more.
There's a whole lot of them.

Thanks, Richard.

Well, I better get home, Beaver,

before I get hollered at.

Does your mom
holler at you, Richard?

Uh-uh. She tells my
father, and he hollers at me.

Yeah. Then you better get home.

Okay, Beav. Thanks for
letting me use your pole.

Yeah. Thanks for letting
me use your pole, Richard.

Hi, Mom. Hey, Mom, I'm home!

Beaver, your mother's
getting supper.

You don't have to shout.

I wasn't shouting she
should come in here.

I was just shouting I was home.

Oh. Well, how
was the fishing trip?

Gee, it was real neat, Dad.

We didn't catch any fish,

but we saw a man
slip on a wet rock,

and we heard almost
everything he said.

Well, Beaver, you'd better go on
upstairs and get cleaned up now.

Don't throw those dirty
clothes all around the room.

Yes, sir.

Hey, Beaver, you smell bad.

I don't smell bad to me.

Hey, Dad, you ought
to talk to the Beaver

about keeping himself cleaner.

Oh?

Well, sure.

Like what if he got hit
by a truck or something

and they had to take him to
the hospital smelling like that?

He'd embarrass the whole family.

Glad to see you thinking, Wally.

Beaver, what are
you going to do today?

Gee, Dad, it's Saturday. I
don't have to do anything.

Your father means who are
you going to play with today.

- Oh.
- Hey, Mom.

- Yes, Wally?
- Mom.

Just smell this.

Fish! How in the world?

Beaver hung his dirty jacket in
the closet, right on top of my suit.

Beaver, I thought you didn't
catch any fish yesterday.

He didn't, but his pockets are all
jammed up with dead minnows.

Beaver, there's no
excuse for a thing like this.

You should've known better than
to keep dead fish bait in your pocket.

Gee, Dad, I didn't
want to waste them

in case me and Richard
went fishing again.

Boy, Beaver, I
ought to clop you one.

No, you will not clop him one.

Gee, Dad, this is the suit
I got to wear to the party.

That's good, Wally.

What are you talking about?

Now the girls won't bother you.

I'll get this out of the way

till we have breakfast.

Gee, Mom, what am I going to do?

I'm nervous enough at parties
without smelling like a fish.

Don't worry, Wally. We can have it
dry cleaned and have it back by noon.

You just go on upstairs
and get washed for breakfast.

Okay, Mom.

Hey, Dad, what are
we going to do about

that jacket full of dead
fish up in the closet?

Beaver, you go
up and get rid of it.

Yes, sir.

Hey, Wally.

Yeah?

I'm sorry for smelling
up your jacket.

That's okay, Beav.

When I was your age, I
was kind of dumb myself.

Hi, Mom.

Hello there,
Beaver. Hello there.

This is my friend Richard.

- He's a kid.
- How do you do?

I've heard a great
deal about you, Richard.

We're going upstairs and
mess around. Come on, Richard.

Beaver, Wally's suit just
came back from the cleaners.

Would you take it upstairs
and hang it in the closet?

Your father and I are
going to go shopping.

- Sure, Mom.
- All right.

Hey, Beaver, your mom's okay.

How'd she ever get so pretty?

I don't know.

I think she was that way
when my father got her.

Did Wally get his suit dirty?

Is that why it's sent
to the cleaners?

No, he hung it right on my
jacket when I had the bait in it,

and I got the blame.

They always blame the
littlest one in the family.

Yeah.

Hey, Richard, what do
you want to do today?

I don't care.

Hey, Beaver, you got a horse?

Nah.

Then how come
you got horseshoes?

For good luck.

Heck, if you had good
luck, you'd have a horse.

I never thought of that.

What's this?

Oil. Wally uses it
to oil his glove with.

It makes a better pocket.

Can I use it on mine?

Sure.

How come this
makes a glove better?

Well, you see, gloves
are made out of cows,

and when the cow was
alive, he had oil in him.

Is this cow oil?

I don't know.

Don't make a big deal out
of everything, huh, Richard?

That's the way
the big leaguers do.

I'm going to be a big
leaguer when I grow up.

I'd like to be a big leaguer,

but I think my father's
making me be a doctor.

Maybe you could be a big leaguer

in between looking
at sick people.

Hey, Richard, watch it.

Gosh!

Now look what you went and did.

I couldn't help it.

Sure, you could've. You
shouldn't have spilled the oil.

It's your fault for
letting me use it.

It's your fault for
coming over here today.

It's your fault for asking me.

Boy, Wally's going
to blow his top.

How about your mom and dad?

I think this is going to
be one of those things

where everybody blows their top.

Maybe it won't show
when it's buttoned.

Yeah.

Nope. It still shows.

Hey, maybe you could fix it.

How?

Like my mom.

When I get spots on my
shirts, she bleaches them.

Yeah. I guess we got some
bleach and stuff downstairs.

I know just how my mom does it.

She puts a towel
underneath, then one on top.

Then she pours the bleach on.

When she picks up the
towel, the spot's gone.

You know, Richard,
you're a real smart kid.

I got to be. I'm the
youngest in my family, too.

- Thanks, dear.
- Thank you.

Hey, June, who was that woman
you were talking to in the market?

That was Mrs. Wilson.

I met her in the beauty parlor.

She's in the real
estate business,

and she wanted to know if
we were happy in our house,

and I told her that we were.

What's it to her if we're happy?

She says if we aren't, she
has four buyers lined up.

She says she can get us
$10,000 more for our house

than we paid for it.

Why are you looking like that?

I was just wondering if we
can afford to be this happy.

Oh, dear, I should have
gotten bleach today.

I didn't realize
we were out of it.

You think the spot's
bleached out yet, Richard?

Gee, soaking it for
a whole half an hour

ought to take out
any kind of spot.

Lucky you thought of this.

Yeah, otherwise, we
might be in trouble.

I guess we can look at it now.

Well, the oil spot's gone.

Yeah, but look at it.

The gray's gone, too.

I got to get home now, Beaver.

No, you don't. You got to stay.

How come?

Because when I got a guest,
I don't get punished so bad.

You know, dear, that
was very sweet of you

to give up your golf today
and stay home with me.

I don't think it's fair of me
to play golf every weekend.

Besides, they're putting
peat moss on the greens,

and the course is closed
for a couple of days.

You wouldn't have told me
that when we were first married.

Dear, I couldn't afford to play
golf when we were first married.

I think I'll go down
to the hardware store

and get some hinges
for that garage door.

Hi, guys.

Hello, Wally.

Must you call us guys?

What's wrong with
Mother and Father?

Heck, Mom, Eddie Haskell calls
his parents by their first names.

Oh.

I guess guys isn't
so bad after all.

I'm going down to the
hardware store, Wally.

You want to ride along?

Yeah. Sure.

- I'll go get my jacket.
- Fine.

Hey, Dad.

Is it okay on the way home if
we stop by and pick up Eddie?

Yeah, I guess so.

Why? Do you two have
something planned?

We're going to
that party tonight.

Eddie and I thought we'd pick
out some records to take along.

Couldn't you pick out the
records at Eddie's house?

Yeah, we could, Mom,

but Eddie Haskell's father told
him to keep his cotton-pickin' hands

off the hi-fi.

I'll get my jacket.

See you in the car, Wally.

My brother Wally's downstairs.

He's coming up.

- Here.
- Hide the bleach.

Where will I put it?

Under the bed.

Hey, what are you doing?

I'm just sitting
here doing nothing.

And this is my friend Richard.

He's doing nothing, too.

I got a big sister
that knows you.

Oh, yeah? What's her name?

Margaret Rickover.

She says she's always
looking at you in science class.

Oh, yeah. She kind
of gives me the willies.

She kind of gives
me the willies, too,

and she's my sister.

Hey, what smells in here?

I don't smell anything.

Me, either.

Well, it smells like chlorine

or some kind of strong medicine.

I guess that's
what it is, medicine.

Who's been using it?

Richard.

Me?

Remember you told me

your mother painted your throat?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

When he has his mouth
open, you can smell the paint.

He's had his mouth open
an awful lot today, too.

Oh. Well, I got to get going.

What you going in
the closet for, Wally?

To get my jacket.

Your suit jacket?

No, my regular jacket.

I'm going to the
hardware store with Dad.

I'll see you.

I didn't mean to
insult your sister

by saying that she
gave me the willies.

That's okay.

Like I said, she gives
me the willies, too.

Are you sure you guys
aren't up to something?

- Huh-uh.
- Uh-uh.

Boy, that was
close, huh, Richard?

Yeah, that was too close.

I'm really going home now.

Hey, Beav, I'm not trying
to ditch you or anything.

That's okay, Richard.

If I messed something
up at your house,

I probably would have
gone home a long time ago.

Good afternoon, Mrs. Cleaver.

Hello, Eddie.

Mr. Cleaver and Wally were
going to stop by and pick you up.

What did you do, walk over?

Oh, no.

I got a ride with
Mr. Worthington's chauffeur.

The Worthingtons
are friends of ours.

They're very rich.

Oh, are you friends
of the chauffeur's, too?

Oh, yes. My father says
I should be democratic.

I see.

Is it all right if I wait up
in Wally's room for him?

Yes. I think the
Beaver's up there.

I wouldn't want to
intrude on the Beaver.

I can just wait down
here in the kitchen.

Eddie.

Yes, Mrs. Cleaver?

Eddie, I think you can wait
up in Beaver's room if you like.

Are you sure I wouldn't
be disturbing him?

No. He came down and
got his old watercolor set

out of the basement.

I think he's painting.

Thank you.

That smells delicious...
whatever it is.

Boo!

Eddie.

What are you doing,
you little creep?

Gee, Eddie, where
did you come from?

I came from outer
space on a ray of light.

Cut it out, Eddie.

I'm in real trouble.

Yeah? What are you messing
up your brother's suit for?

Richard was over,
and he spilled oil on it.

Then we tried to bleach it out.

That only made a white spot.

So I'm trying to paint it
gray like the rest of the suit.

Hey, you know, you're getting
to be a pretty good little sneak.

Boy, when Wally gets
home, he's going to kill me.

Then my mom's going to kill me,

and then my dad's
going to kill me.

At least it will all
be in the family.

Cut it out, will you, Eddie?

Hey.

Boy, you're scared, huh?

It's not only that.

I wouldn't want to do
anything to hurt Wally

for anything in the whole world.

Boy, you're not only
scared, you're sloppy.

Oh, hi, Eddie.

We stopped by your
house to pick you up.

I been here for ten minutes.

Some stuck-up guy's
chauffeur gave me a lift.

I see you brought
the records, huh?

Hey, what's the
matter with you, Beav?

Nothing.

Hey, Wally, what are
you going to wear tonight?

What am I going to wear?

My gray suit.

So that's what you're
going to wear, huh,

your gray suit. Well.

What do you mean, well?

Well, what I mean is

isn't that kind of pushing it?

You were the one that
said we should wear them...

So the other guys
would feel like creeps.

Yeah, but I've been thinking.

We ought to play
it cool and casual.

I don't mean we
should be like gypsies,

but we don't want to look
like undertakers, either.

I could wear my sport
jacket and slacks.

Yeah, we'll play it
kind of Tony Curtis.

Hey, if your old man's
not hogging the living room,

let's go down and
play these records.

Yeah, sure.

Hey, Eddie.

Be right with you, Wally.

Yeah, sure.

Gee, Eddie, thanks a lot.

For what?

I got a new sport
jacket I want to wear.

No, you don't, Eddie.

You did it to help me out.

All right, so I helped you out.

So I expect you to do
something for me in return.

Like robbing a
bank or something.

You know, Eddie,
you're a real neat guy.

Look, shrimp, you
start slobbering over me,

and I'll slug you one.

Yeah. Sure, Eddie.

I mean it.

Hey, Dad, I'm going.

You want me to drop
you off by the party?

Gee, no, Dad.

Somebody might look out
the window and see you.

Wally, I thought you were
wearing your gray suit.

Eddie and I decided not to.

After all, we don't want to look
like a couple of undertakers.

Have a good time, son.

Yeah, Dad, I'll try.

Hey, Mom, what's the
matter with the Beaver?

What do you mean?

I just asked him how do I look,

he busted out bawling.

He's crying?

Yeah. He's been
acting weird all day.

Oh well, I'll see you later.

Have a good time, Wally.

Dear, if Beaver's
upstairs crying,

we better find out
what it's all about.

Yeah.

Beaver.

Beaver!

Yes, Dad?

Are you crying up there?

No, I'm not crying.

Don't you think
you'd feel better

if you came down
and told us all about it?

Yeah, I guess I'd feel better.

I'll be right down.

I'm sorry, Dad, I'm sorry.

It was an accident,
and I couldn't help it.

Beaver, it's all over.
Please stop crying.

Come on, son, calm down.

Get a grip on yourself.

Gee, Dad, I don't
want a big lecture.

Just kill me for
wrecking the suit.

Nobody's going to kill you.

Look, Beaver, you
didn't have to hide this.

Lots of times in the past,
you've done something wrong,

and you've come to
me and told me the truth.

Haven't I always forgiven you?

What's the matter now?

Gee, Dad, telling the
truth and getting forgiven

can be pretty
rough on a guy, too.

But, Beaver, don't we always
try to understand your mistakes?

Yeah.

But while you're doing it, you
make me feel like a dumb kid.

We certainly don't
intend to, Beaver.

But I guess
sometimes we do forget

that you don't have the maturity

and common sense of an adult.

Gee, Dad, are you calling
me a dumb kid again?

No, of course not, Beaver.

It's just that it's very hard

for adults and children
to understand each other.

You see, one speaks as an adult,

and the other
listens as a child.

Did you have trouble
understanding your father, Dad?

I certainly did.

At least that makes
me feel better.

Suppose I get us all a glass
of milk and a piece of cake.

Don't you worry
any more about it.

Maybe we could
have the suit dyed.

Well, I suppose that's why Wally wore
his sport jacket to the party tonight, huh?

Huh-uh, Dad.

He doesn't even know about
the suit being messed up.

Oh?

Yeah, Dad.

Eddie Haskell caught
me painting the suit,

and he talked Wally into
wearing his sport jacket.

Eddie did that?

Yeah, Dad. He
did a real nice thing.

I'm going to tell all
the guys what he did.

Well, Beaver, I'm not so sure
Eddie would appreciate that.

I think it's part of
Eddie's being a character

not to let people know that
he ever does anything nice.

- No fooling, Dad?
- Yeah.

Anyway, you know
Eddie did something nice,

and Eddie knows he
did something nice.

As someone once said,

a good deed is
sufficient unto itself.

Dad?

Are you talking
like an adult again?

Yeah, Beaver, I'm afraid I am.

Come on. Let's go
get that cake and milk.

Hey, Wally, were you and Eddie

the only two guys at the
party wearing sport jackets?

Yeah. Most of the
other guys wore suits.

Did you feel creepy?

Well, at first,

but at a party, you
start having a good time,

and after a while, you
forget you feel creepy.

Did you take all those
records and dance with girls?

Yeah, I danced with some girls.

Did they have any
good stuff to eat?

Yeah.

Wally, I'm your brother,
so you can tell me this.

Which did you like better,

dancing with girls or eating?

Well, with some girls,
I'd rather be dancing.

But other girls, when
I'm dancing with them,

I'd rather be eating.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
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