Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 3, Episode 29 - Beaver's Monkey - full transcript

Starring...

and...

Hi, Mom.

Hi there, Beaver.

You're home a little bit late.

Well, Larry and I stopped
off at the drug store

to get some pimple
cream for his sister.

Why doesn't his sister
buy her own cream?

She doesn't want
the drugist to know

she's got things on her face.

Couldn't her mother
and father get it for her?



Huh-uh, Larry's the only
one in the whole family

who's got nerve
enough to ask for it.

Oh.

What are you doing?

Putting some cheese in here.

What for?

So my mouse won't get hungry.

Beaver,

have you got a
live mouse in there?

Sure, Mom, I wouldn't
be feeding a dead mouse.

You want to see him?

No.

Beaver, you know better
than to bring a mouse home.

Oh, I had to, Mom.



The man who owns the
drug store caught him,

and he was going
to throw him away.

Want to see him,
Mom? He's real cute.

Larry and I have divvied him up.

I get to keep him this week.

Well, you can't
keep a mouse here.

Beaver, a mouse is
not a clean animal.

Oh, this one will be 'cause
when Larry comes over,

we're going to give him a bath.

Hi, Mom.

- Hi, Wally.
- Hi, Beav.

You want to see my mouse?

Now, look, you're not
going to keep that mouse,

so don't get your
heart set on it.

Hey, it sure is little.

Yeah, you think maybe
instead of being a mouse,

he's a baby rat?

Nah, rats have
rattier-looking tails.

Look, you boys put that
animal out in the garage

till your father comes home,

and then come in
and wash your hands.

Well, okay, Mom.

Ward, it is not all right for
the Beaver to have a mouse.

I just don't want
it around here.

Well, but dear,

bringing a mouse home
is just part of boyhood.

I did it. We all did it.

And what did your mother say?

Same thing all mothers say.

"Get the filthy
thing out of here."

All right, I guess it has to go.

Ward, what are you
going to say to Beaver?

Well, I don't know.

It's not easy taking a
boy's pet away form him.

Even when it's just a
mouse in a paper bag.

Honey, I wouldn't care
if it was a regular pet,

like a dog or a cat,
but a mouse, ew.

All right, dear.

Hey, Wally, how do
you give a mouse a bath?

Boy, Beaver, you sure come
up with some goofy questions.

I think I'll have Larry hold him

while I scrub him
with your toothbrush.

Well, look, if you're
going to scrub a mouse,

use your own toothbrush.

What are you going to do

if Dad says you
can't keep the mouse?

Give him to Larry
and go and visit him.

Well, hi, fellows.

- Hi, Dad.
- Hi, Dad.

Hey, when does Beaver
have to get rid of the mouse?

Uh, oh, Wally, why don't
you go brush your teeth

while I talk to the Beaver?

Oh, well, okay, Dad.

Gee, Dad, can't I
keep the mouse?

Uh, well, the thing is, Beaver,

no wild animal was
ever meant to be a...

You know, to be a pet.

Well, gee, Dad, he's
not a wild animal.

Wild animals are
tigers and lions.

He's just a mouse.

Well, yes, I know, Beaver,

but he's used to
living in a wild state.

Is it a wild state to live
under the drug store?

Well, in a manner
of speaking, yes.

Anyway, Beaver, you just
can't bring a mouse into a home

and expect it to become a pet.

It's just not a domestic animal.

That means you can't
housebreak him, Beave.

I thought I told you
to brush your teeth.

Well, I am.

You see, Beaver,
your mother and I

wouldn't have objected too much

if you'd brought
home a regular pet.

Gee, no fooling, Dad?

Oh, boy, Woody's
cat had eight kittens,

and Woody said I could
have all the girl ones.

Yeah, well now, just a minute
now. Just wait a minute now.

That's the reason we don't
have more pets around here.

One minute it's a mouse.
The next minute it's a cat.

You don't know what
you want. You're too fickle.

I thought fickle
was just with girls.

Look, Beaver,

your mother and I just
want you to be very sure

before you select a pet.

And then it has to be
something sensible.

Yeah, Dad, I guess so.

Fine.

Now then, what are we
going to do with the mouse?

Maybe I should take him back
to the drugstore and let him go.

Uh, no, Beaver, I'm afraid

the drugist wouldn't
appreciate that.

Hey, Beav, on the way
home from school tomorrow

why don't you take the
mouse over to the dump

and let him loose there?

Any mouse would be happy

running around
in all that garbage.

Uh... Well, good night, fellows.

- Good night, Dad.
- Good night, Dad.

Mom? Hey, Mom?

I'm right here, Wally.

Well, gee, Mom, what
are you doing down there?

Well, I'm just lying down.

Well, are you sick or something?

I never saw a mom lying
down in the daytime before.

Wally, I'm just resting.

Look, I know it's
against the rules,

but don't tell anybody.

Did you see your
brother on the way home?

Yeah.

He and Larry let the mouse
loose over at Metzger's Field.

Then they're going
over to the supermarket

on account of they're
giving away free samples.

Oh, why didn't you go with them?

Well, heck, Mom,
that's kid stuff.

Anyway, I told the
Beaver to bring me some

if it was any good.

Hey, Larry, what's this
free junk the lady gave us?

Well, it's deviled
ham on a cracker.

What's deviled ham?

Well, do you know
what deviled egg is?

No.

Then I can't explain it to you.

Just eat it. It won't make
you sick or anything.

I'm taking three of them
home to my brother.

Yeah, where you got them?

In my pocket.

Yeah, that way, you
won't get germs on them.

Hey, let's go see if there's
any good junk for sale today.

Boy, neat. There's
a garage for rent.

I'd like to rent a garage.

What for?

Well, I could sit in it,

and nobody could tell
me to get out of there.

Hey, look. Here's
a pipe for sale.

$80.

Gee, a smoking pipe?

I don't think so.
There's 120 feet of it.

Yeah.

"Owners leaving town."

And it gives a phone
number and everything.

Golly, a whole free
monkey for nothing.

Hey, I'll get it, Beav,

and you can come over
and visit it all you want.

No, I read it first.

Yeah, but I was going
to read it in a minute.

Would your father let
you have a monkey?

Nah, I don't think so.

Man, if he ever came
home from a business trip

and he found a
monkey in the house,

ooh, would he blow his top.

You really think so.

Yeah, he raises enough heck
when I just have a friend over.

Would your father let
you have a monkey?

Sure, he said I could
have any pet I wanted

as long as it was sensible.

Yeah, a monkey
sure is a sensible pet.

Hello?

Yeah, this is Mr. Cleaver.

Uh-huh.

My son what?

A monkey?

Ye...

Well, yes, I did tell him
he could have a pet, but...

Yes, I imagine Theodore
was very enthusiastic.

Uh, say, could I have
your phone number

and call you back?

Uh-huh.

Yes.

All right.

Well, thank you very much.

What was that all about?

Oh, nothing unusual.

It seems our son is on his
way home with a monkey.

A live monkey?

Live monkey.

He saw a notice on the
bulletin board down at the market

and went over and picked it up.

That was the owner calling.

Ward, we can't
have a monkey here.

Why didn't you tell him then?

Well, dear, we did tell
Beaver he could have a pet,

and you were the one who
dispossessed his mouse.

Oh, yes, Ward, but a monkey.

Well, June, try and look at it
from Beaver's point of view.

Just imagine the appeal
a monkey has for a child.

Did you want one when
you were a little girl?

Well, I may have been
peculiar, but I didn't.

Oh.

Well, dear, we took his
mouse away from him.

We can't take his
monkey away from him.

At least not until
we find a way out.

Ward, I am not having
a monkey in this house.

All right, but when he comes
home with his monkey in his arms

you look into his
happy little face

and tell him he has to
take it back to his owner.

Well, dear, I think
that's your job.

After all, you're his father.

Right now I don't want
to think like a father.

I want to think like a kid.

Oh, honey, I just can't imagine

a little monkey running
around the house.

Oh, it's not such a
little monkey, dear.

The man says it
weighs 20 pounds.

20 pounds?

20 pounds.

Oh, I'm going to
go start my dinner.

Uh, dear?

The monkey's name is Stanley.

Boy, Wally, this is the
neatest pet a guy ever had.

Yeah, he's almost as big

as little Benji from
across the street.

Well, he's smarter, too.

The man said he used
to be a circus monkey,

but he didn't want to sell him

because he wanted
him to have a good home.

I think Dad likes him, but
I don't know about Mom.

I guess that's because
monkeys are more like men

than they are like women.

Well, I'm going to put him away.

Well, how's our
new boarder coming?

Swell, Dad.

He's the best pet I ever had.

He's the biggest one, too.

Mom, don't clean
the room or anything

because the man says that if
you leave the windows open,

monkey's can't stand drafts.

Yeah, and when you feed him,

don't feed him steaks and
potatoes and junk like that.

Oh, now, Beaver, feeding
him is going to be your job.

You sure he can't
get out of that cage?

Oh, I think he's very
happy there, dear.

It's been his home
for a long time.

Beaver, you really
like Stanley, don't you?

Sure, Mom, he's almost as
neat as having a baby brother.

Well, you take good
care of him, dear.

Hey, Beaver, I just
thought of something funny.

What?

Well, if we ever
got another monkey,

we could call him Livingston.

Why would we do that?

Well, then we'd have
Stanley and Livingston.

Well, gee, Beaver,

didn't you ever study
about Africa in school?

Huh-uh, we've been studying
Europe the whole year.

- Bye, dear.
- Bye, honey.

What time are you coming home?

Oh, around 5.

Good, the girls will
be gone by then.

What girls?

Well, I'm having a little
luncheon bridge today,

and I don't want you
coming home early

and making them
feel uncomfortable.

Don't worry about a thing, dear.

If there are cars out in front,

I'll climb in the
bedroom window.

All right, honey. All right.

Hey, that's Beaver's bus.

Beaver, your bus is here.

Hey, Beaver, they're
hollering for you.

I know.

So long, Stanley.

Bye, Stanley, see
you after school.

I came into the room,

and she was wearing
the same dress I was.

Only she had it on backwards.

- Backwards?
- Yeah.

Are we all ready for lunch?

We've got to do this more often.

Stanley!

Oh, girls.

Stanley.

Yes, well, you have our number
in case you hear anything.

All right. Thank you.

Well, the animal shelter's
going to keep an eye out.

How's Beaver taking it?

He's pretty upset.

Ward, maybe I should've
tried to catch Stanley

before he got away.

Well, dear, it
wasn't your fault.

I should've made sure the
cage door wouldn't open.

I'm just sorry about the
mess here this afternoon.

Oh, honey, I can
forget the luncheon.

It's Beaver I'm worried about.

I sure hope Stanley comes back.

Wally? Wally?

Gee whiz, Beaver,
are you asleep yet?

Huh-uh.

Well, what do you want?

- Can cats beat up monkeys?
- Huh?

Well, maybe Stanley's
hiding in a tree,

and cats can climb trees.

Oh. Aw, heck, Beaver,

in the jungle, monkeys
beat up cats all the time.

You sure, Wally?

Well, sure.

You'll learn about that when
you start studying Africa.

Wally?

Hmm?

Can owls beat up monkeys?

No, now will you go to sleep?

Dad.

Hey, Dad.

Mom? Hey, Dad.

What's the matter,
Wally? What's happened?

Stanley's back.

Oh, well...

Oh, Beaver, not my good towels.

Oh, all right.

When did he get back?

About 10 minutes ago.

We woke up and heard
scratching at the window.

Hey, look, Dad, he's
shivering all over.

Do you think maybe he's sick?

See if he's got a fever, Mom.

Oh, I'm sure he's
all right, Beaver.

But feel his forehead
like you do with me.

Well, I'm afraid it's pneumonia.

Is he going to die?

Well, you see, son, this
is a macaque monkey.

He lives in the topics.

He doesn't belong
in a climate like this.

Yeah, but is he going to die?

Beaver.

Well, it's hard to say, son.

Is there an animal hospital
we could put him in?

Well, right now he's
better off around here

with people he konws.

Well, sure, Dad,

like the time I
had my tonsils out.

I didn't want to
be in the hospital

with a lot of strange
people, either.

Yeah, well, thank
you very much, doctor.

Yes, sir.

I'll show you out, Doctor.

Thank you.

- Hi, dear.
- Hi.

How's Stanley?

He slept for four hours.

Oh, the doctor said
to keep him warm.

He didn't kick the
covers off, did he?

No, honey. No, he didn't.

You sure?

I'm positive.

I sat with him most of the day.

Hello, Mrs. Cleaver.

Hello there, Larry.

I'm afraid Beaver can't play
today. He's upstairs with Stanley.

Well, I didn't
come over to play.

I came over to ask
how does Stanley feel?

Well, I'm afraid
he's still pretty sick.

Oh.

Mrs. Cleaver?

Yes, Larry?

Would it be dumb to
bring flowers to a monkey?

Well, of course not.

And I think Beaver'd
be very pleased.

Yeah. Well... here.

Why, thank you,
Larry. That was...

That was very thoughtful of you.

I'll take them right upstairs.

Oh, Mrs. Cleaver.

Tell Beaver not to
tell Whitey or Gilbert

or any of the guys
where they came from.

Why, dear?

Well, just in case it is dumb

to bring flowers to a monkey.

All right, Larry.

Bye.

Wally, you think he's
ever gonna get better?

Ah, sure.

Hey, you better start
doing your homework, Beav.

Wally?

How much would it cost to
send a monkey to the tropics?

You know, South America.

Well, I guess it would depend

on what kind of
package you put him in.

Why?

Well, the veterinarian said

this was the wrong kind
of climate for Stanley.

Yeah. Boy, if I was a monkey,

I'd sure be a lot happier
in South America.

You know, Wally, I
made a promise to myself.

If Stanley ever gets
better, I'm gonna find a way

to send him to South
America or someplace like that.

Yeah, but gee, Beaver,
won't you miss him?

Well, sure, but I'd miss
him a whole lot worse

if he was dead.

Dead? Well...

Gee, Beaver, you
shouldn't say junk like that.

Well, I wouldn't say it

if I thought Stanley knew
what we were talking about.

Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.

Dad? Mom?

What's the matter
now? Is Stanley worse?

No. I think he's all better.

Oh. Oh, June, Stanley's better.

Look, Dad, he feels fine now.

Hi, dear.

Hi.

How's our happy household?

Fine. Want some coffee?

Yeah, a little.

Stanley's just fine.

You know he sat up in our
room for an hour this afternoon

watching television?

Well, I think that medium
has finally found its audience.

Very funny.

Dear, what are we
gonna do about Stanley?

He's just too big
for us to keep.

I know we can't keep him.

But I'd sure like to wait a couple
of days before we tell Beaver.

He took such good care
of him when he was sick.

It's just gonna break his heart

if he has to give him up.

Is he upstairs?

I think so.

Why don't you go up and
kind of prepare him for it?

All right.

Ward?

You know, I'm gonna
sort of miss Stanley, too.

Yeah. Almost as neat
as having a baby brother.

Hello? Are you the man in
charge of flying monkeys?

Well, my name is
Theodore Cleaver.

And my monkey's name is Stanley.

And I'd like to send
him to South America.

Eighty whole dollars?

Couldn't he go children's fare?

He's not as big as I am.

Oh, no, sir. I'm not
playing a joke on you.

Well, Stanley's been sick,

and I don't want him
to get pneumonia again.

Yes, sir. I'll see if
someone big can call you.

But I don't know.

Good-bye.

Hi, Beaver.

Oh, hello, Dad.

I... I guess you think
quite a lot of Stanley, huh?

I sure do. But it costs 80 whole
dollars to send him to South America.

And I don't have it.

And no kid should ask for $80.

Well, I tell you, Beaver, maybe
there's another way out of this.

- Gee, Dad, no fooling?
- Yeah.

You know, we've got a pretty
good zoo here in Mayfield.

Remember when we were out there?

And they had that big,
steam-heated monkey house?

And a place for him to
play outside in the summer?

You think they'd give
a home to Stanley?

Well, we can sure
call them and find out.

I think they'd like to have
a smart fellow like Stanley.

Well gee, Dad.

That'd be real neat.

And then I could
go down to the zoo

and tell all the people
that were watching him

that was my monkey.

Sure you could, Beav.

And he'd probably sit there
with the rest of the monkeys

and say "There's the fellow that
took care of me when I was sick."

Gee, Dad, that'd be neat.

Oh, but Stanley doesn't have
to do that if he doesn't want to.

Well, knowing Stanley as I do,

I'm sure he'll want to.

Oh, hi, Beav. Hey, where
you been all afternoon?

Just horsing around?

Huh-uh. Me and Larry went
to visit Stanley at the zoo.

Oh, yeah? Hey, how was he?

Oh, great. He's got his own tree,
and he's got a tire to swing on,

and he still knows me.

He started jumping up
and down and talking to me,

right in front of
all these people.

Yeah. Boy, he ought to have a
ball with all those other monkeys.

You know, Wally,

I'm gonna go visit Stanley
every day for the rest of my life.

Ah, you just say that now.

Pretty soon, you'll get in
high school and college

and, well, you just
won't have time.

Then I'll visit him
every weekend.

Yeah, but after a while
you'll get married and stuff

and, well, you're
not gonna find a wife

that's gonna want to
spend all her weekends

looking at a monkey.

Sure I will.

And then someday, I'll get a job

and I'll be a bank president.

And I'll be the only bank
president in the whole world

who's got a monkey for a friend.

Ah, cut it out, Beaver.

It just doesn't work that way.

Pretty soon, you'll
forget all about Stanley.

He'll forget all about you.

And none of that
junk'll never happen.

I know, but right now it makes
me feel good to think it will.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA