Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 3, Episode 25 - Wally and Alma - full transcript

Starring...

and...

Dear, look what I
found in Wally's jacket.

Oh, "Alma Hanson."

That's a girl's name and
her telephone number.

What did you expect to find
in a high school boy's clothes,

a teething ring?

Ward, do you think he's
serious about this girl?

I think if he was
serious about her,

he wouldn't leave this
around for us to find.

Well, I wish you wouldn't
be so calm about it.



I think you should come right
out and ask Wally who this girl is.

Well, I suppose I could sort
of hint around about it at lunch.

Well, I just wish Wally

didn't have girls'
names in his pocket.

He's still such a baby.

Well, to you he's still a baby,

but, uh, to University-2-9804,

he's probably
another Cary Grant.

Wally, I believe your father
has something to ask you.

Yeah? What is it, Dad?

Uh, well, Wally,
when your mother

was getting your clothes
ready for the cleaners,

she found this in your jacket.

Oh, her. That's nothing, Dad.



Well, it must be
something if you're saving it.

I'll bet it's a secret
girl he's in love with,

and he's gonna elope
with her on a ladder,

and it'll be in all the papers.

Cut it out, will you, Beaver?

Wally, we're not prying.

We're just curious.

Oh. Well, they're having
this picnic at school,

and they made all the guys pull
girls' names out of this basket,

and I got Alma,
so I gotta take her.

Oh. Well, uh, what's she like?

Well, she's kind of cute.

I guess she's okay for a picnic.

Have you called her
and asked her yet?

Well, gee, Dad, the
picnic's not till next Saturday.

I can just ask her
when I see her in school.

I think you should
go and call her now.

After all, she might be sitting by
the telephone, waiting for you to call.

Well, gee, Mom, nobody does that

except in old-fashioned books.

Wally, there's nothing
old-fashioned about politeness.

Now, you call that
girl and ask her.

Okay.

Uh, I, uh... I think I'll call
her from the living room.

Boy, I'm never
going to high school

if they make you call girls.

Hey, dear, I
thought you objected

when you found that girl's
name in Wally's pocket.

Oh, well, that's because
it was so mysterious,

but now it's just a
little high school picnic.

- Oh.
- And anyway,

I don't like to see
girls sitting around

waiting for boys to call them.

Don't tell me you
ever sat around

waiting for me to call?

Oh, yes, I did.

I remember how much I hated you

while I sat by the telephone,
waiting for you to call me.

Well, I used to get
pretty mad at you, too,

when I'd call and
your mother would say,

"I'm sorry. June Evelyn's
out for the evening."

If you guys were always
sore at each other,

how come you ever got married?

Well, Beaver,

that's just something
you wouldn't understand.

I figured it was one of those
things I wouldn't understand.

Wasn't she home?

Yeah. She was home.

You didn't talk very long.

I asked her if she
wanted to go to that thing,

she said "Okay," and I said
"Okay," and then I hung up.

And could you please
pass the mustard?

Hello?

Mrs. Hanson?

Oh. Oh, yes. Alma's mother.

No, I don't believe we have met.

Yes, Wally
mentioned this morning

that he was taking
Alma to the school picnic.

Tonight?

Well, yes, I think he can.

Yes, I think it's a good idea.

Uh-huh. Yes.

Yes, I do. Uh-huh.

Well, all right. Thank you.

Good-bye.

Now, who were you
yessing on the telephone?

Oh, that was Mrs.
Hanson, Alma's mother.

The girl Wally's
taking to the picnic.

Oh, sure. University-2-9804.

- Her mother wants Wally
to come over for dinner tonight.
- Huh?

Well, they want to
see what the boy's like

who's taking their daughter
to the school picnic.

What if they don't
approve of him?

What do they do,
just throw him back?

Dear, the Hansons
are a nice family.

Naturally they're concerned

about the boy who's
taking their daughter out.

I don't know
that I like the idea

of anyone putting our
boy under a microscope.

Now, Ward, look, if
we had a daughter,

well, you wouldn't want her

to go out with just
any boy, would you?

Well, I don't consider
our son just any boy.

Well, dear, they won't
know he's not just any boy

- until they meet him.
- All right, all right.

Send our little peasant
lad up to the manor house

with his hat in his hand.

Dear, he doesn't have a hat.

Yes, dear.

Hey, Wally, how come you're
going to this girl's house?

Because they want to look at me.

I guess they never saw
anybody like you before.

Huh, Wally?

Cut it out, will you, Beav?

Boy, I sure wish I
didn't have to go.

Then how come you're going?

Well, that Alma's
kind of an okay girl.

Anyway, Mom told me that junk
about it being the polite thing to do,

and that she's done
a lot of junk for me,

and it's the least
I can do for her.

Yeah. Well, she uses that on
me to get me to brush my teeth.

What did Dad say?

He just gave me that look.

Which look?

You know, the one that
means "I know how it is,

but don't make a
big thing out of it."

Hey, maybe the girl's
father will you like you,

and he'll be rich, and you'll
wind up marrying his daughter

and being the president of
his company and a millionaire.

Cut it out, will you, Beaver?

What do you say
junk like that for?

Heck, if I had a brother
who was a millionaire,

I could goof off for
the rest of my life.

Wally, time to go!

Okay, Dad!

It's kind of exciting, isn't it?

Yeah. It reminds me of
the time my brother and I

had our prize hog
in the 4-H club show.

Ward.

Oh, Wally, don't you look sweet.

Doesn't he, Ward?

Well, I'm not sure that
sweet is exactly the word.

What do you think, Beav?

Of course not. He's not going
over there so they can smell him.

Um, can we get going,
Dad, and get it over with?

Sure. Come on, Wally. I'm ready.

Now, Wally, you
watch your manners.

And if they serve you
something you don't like,

you just eat it anyway.

Yeah. Yeah. Sure, Mom.

Have a good time now, Wally.

See you later.

Hey, Mom,

how come eating stuff you
don't like is good manners?

Because he's a guest.

What if he ate something
he didn't like and got sick?

That wouldn't be good
manners, would it?

Beaver, you know it wouldn't.

Yeah. But I just wanted
to see what you'd say.

Are you picking Wally up?

No, the Hansons are
bringing him home.

You didn't tell me
what they're like.

Didn't you meet them
when you dropped Wally off?

Oh, yeah.

Well, she's a tall woman
who wears bracelets,

and he has a moustache
and stands by the fireplace.

Ward, is that all
you can tell me?

Well, dear, I was
only there a minute.

What about Alma?

Well, she looks a
little like her father,

except she doesn't
have a moustache.

What did Wally say?

Well, he said

"I'm very pleased to
meet you, Mr. Hanson.

How do you do, Mrs. Hanson?"

And then he sat down
on the candy dish.

Oh, Ward, he didn't.

No. But he almost did.

Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.

A car just drove
up, and Wally's in it.

Well, they're bringing
him home pretty early.

Well, maybe he goofed something
up, and they sent him home.

Beaver, will you go back to bed?

Yes, Dad.

Don't start pumping him
as soon as he comes in.

- Just let him talk.
- All right, dear.

Is that you, Wally?

Yeah, Mom. I'm home.

Well, uh, good night,
Mom. Good night, Dad.

Oh, Wally, come here a
minute, son, and sit down.

Did you have a good time?

Yeah. It was okay.

What was Mrs. Hanson like?

She was okay.

Did you like Mr. Hanson?

Yeah. He was okay.

What about Alma?

She was okay, too.

There was nothing
wrong with any of them.

Well, Wally, we'd like to know

what kind of an evening you had.

Oh.

Well, first I went in,

and I said hello to everybody,

and then we all stood
around in the living room

eating the junk off crackers.

Then somebody said, "Let's go
eat," so we went in the dining room.

What'd you have for dinner?

Oh, it was some kind of
junk with sauce on top of it.

I don't know what it was,

but I didn't make a
squawk or anything

because you said to be polite.

That's very
considerate of you, son.

What did you do after dinner?

Well, Alma's parents went
in the den to watch television,

and then she showed
me some pictures

of when she was in
Honolulu last summer,

and then Mr. Hanson came
out and he took me home.

Well, Wally, you went over there
so the parents could meet you.

- Do you think they liked you?
- Search me.

Well, is it okay if
I go to bed now?

- Certainly, son.
- Good night.

Good night.

Hey, you little goof,
you were listening.

Well, sure. I wanted to get
in on all the good stuff too.

Come on, let's go to bed.

- Hi, Mom.
- Hi, Beaver.

I'm home from Sunday school.

Oh, boy. Apple pie, huh?

Uh-huh.

What's up now?

Oh, it's such a nice day out,

I thought I'd spend
it with the boys.

Beav, go change your clothes
and we'll play some catch.

Sure, Dad.

Tell Wally to come, too.

Okay, Dad.

Wally's not here, dear.

He's playing tennis
with Alma Hanson.

When did he ask
her to play tennis?

Oh, Wally didn't do the asking.

Alma's mother called
up and suggested it.

- Oh.
- And next week,
after the picnic,

they want him to go
up to the lake with them.

Mrs. Hanson was very
impressed with Wally.

Well, I'm glad she's impressed.

But don't you think
she's pushing a little?

Well, Wally doesn't
seem to mind.

Well, I mind.

I don't like mothers
promoting romances.

Let him find his own
girlfriends, like I used to.

And how many girls did you
find before you found me?

Well, uh...

I thought your main
interest was prize hogs.

Well, dear, a boy's life
can't be all one-sided.

Dear, do you think Wally's old
enough to have a white dinner jacket?

What for?

Well, when Mrs. Hanson called,

she said there was a dance at
the country club in two weeks.

And Mrs. Hanson
said it was formal.

You know, when Wally gets home,

I think I'm gonna
have a talk with him.

I'd hardly approve of his
going steady with one girl.

And I certainly don't approve

of his going steady
with her mother.

Hey, Wally, did you
skunk the girl at tennis?

No, I didn't skunk her.

She won.

You got beat by a girl?

Yeah, well, I
kind of let her win.

You know, when
you're playing with a girl,

that's sort of the
polite thing to do.

And anyway, her
mother was watching.

How come it works that way?

What way?

You gotta be nice
and polite to girls,

but they don't have
to be polite to you.

Well, kind of like chivalry.

The knights started
that stuff a long time ago.

You mean on account
of a lot of dead guys,

we've gotta let girls
push us around?

Yeah.

♪ She'll be coming 'round the
mountain when she comes ♪

♪ When she comes ♪

♪ She'll be coming 'round the
mountain when she comes ♪

♪ She'll be coming 'round
the mountain she'll be... ♪

Oh, hi, Dad. Wally
got beat by a girl.

I think your tennis racket's
a little out of tune, Beaver.

Yeah, sure, Dad.

Well, Wally, your
mother tells me

you may need a white
coat for a dance soon.

Yeah, well, gee,
Dad, I don't know.

I kind of don't want to go.

Well, why don't you just tell
Alma you don't want to go?

You're not afraid
to tell her, are you?

No, but he's afraid
to tell her mother.

Oh.

Yeah, Dad, and it's pretty rough

when she starts working on you.

Well, Wally, you're too young

to see so much
of one girl anyway.

I think you can
afford to just pass up

some of these invitations.

Gee, I'd sure like to, Dad.

But I don't want to
hurt Alma's feelings.

She's okay.

Oh.

Well, I'll tell you, son,

it just might be that I can
be a little help to you here.

You know something
about girls, Dad?

Yeah, a little.

You know, Wally,
when I was in college,

there was a girl who...

Well, who rather
took a fancy to me.

Anyway, I wasn't
particularly interested,

so from that time on,

whenever I called on her,

I just happened to take one
of my fraternity brothers along.

And the first thing you know,

she got interested in
one of the other fellows

and, well, I was off the hook.

Gee, Dad.

A guy never thinks of his father

as being that sharp.

Oh. Well, what I mean is that,

um, well, gee,
that's real neat, Dad.

Well, you might find it helpful
with Alma and her mother.

I wouldn't let this
thing get out of hand.

Yeah. Yeah, thanks, Dad.

I think I might try that.

Okay.

Oh, uh, fellows,

there's no need to mention
any of this to your mother.

Gee, Dad, she wasn't the
girl you ditched, was she?

Oh, no, no.

But there's no need to spill
the beans to her anyway.

You know, Wally, if
you ditch this Alma,

it'll kind of make up for
having to be polite to her.

The way I figure
it, a guy my age

shouldn't waste another
summer hanging around Mayfield.

The minute school's out,

little old Eddie heads
straight for Europe.

Are you really going
to Europe, Eddie?

Sure. If I can't pry the
change loose from my old man,

I'll work my way across.

Either as a purser

or maybe a companion
to some old millionaire.

Where would you go in Europe?

Well, I might start off by
giving England a break.

Personally, I don't dig the
way they live over there,

but that's their business.

Eddie kind of
likes to talk, Alma.

Really? I never
would have known.

And from England, I'll
make it over to France.

I dig that oo-la-la.

Do you plan to call
on General DeGaulle?

Who knows? If the cat's in
the book, I might give him a ring.

Hey, you got any
more of these peanuts?

Hey, look, Eddie,

I think we better get going.

Yeah, sure.

I'll get my jacket.

Well...

Wally, the next
time you come over,

please don't bring Eddie.

Well, gee, Alma, I
know he likes you a lot,

and actually, he's
a pretty nice guy,

when he doesn't talk so much.

Wally.

Oh, Wally.

He's not home, dear.

Oh. I wanted him to pick the
papers up off the front lawn.

He went over to Alma Hanson's.

He took Clarence
Rutherford with him.

Oh?

And I think he took Eddie
Haskell with him yesterday.

Oh, he did, huh?

Is something going
on I don't know about?

Oh, not at all. No.

Then why are you
smiling like that?

Like what?

Like something's going
on I don't know about.

Uh, Clarence was telling me

that after he gets
out of college,

his father would like
him to become a lawyer.

Isn't that right, Lumpy?

Yeah. A trial lawyer.

That's nice.

Lumpy's in the school
band, you know.

He plays clarinet.

Alto clarinet.

And last summer, he and the
whole band went up to Madison

for the state music festival.

The band won second prize,

and they stayed there
for two whole days,

and they played for the
governor and everything.

Everybody got a medal.

I didn't go.

Oh.

I had swollen glands.

Well, a guy can't play clarinet
if he's got swollen glands.

Hi, Mom.

Hi there, Beaver.

I thought you might
come home with Wally.

Un-unh. He went
over to Alma Hanson's.

Again today?

Yeah. He took Harry
Meyers with him.

Harry Meyers?

Yesterday he took Lumpy,

and the day before
that he took Eddie.

Have you any idea

why he's taking all
those boys over there?

Sure. He's trying to
ditch Alma on one of them.

'Cause that's the way Dad
used to ditch all his girls

when he was in college.

Beaver, did your
father tell Wally that?

Yeah.

And he also told me
not to spill any beans.

Hmm. Well, that's
very interesting.

Oh, but it's all right, Mom.

Because he said he
never pulled it on you.

So you see, if you can
divide a parallelogram

into two triangles,

if you can prove that angle
A is equal to angle C, well,

you got the problem licked.

Why, Harry, that's wonderful.

Isn't it, Wally?

Yeah. And if you're having
any trouble with your Spanish,

I know this real neat guy
named Frankie Mendoza.

He comes from South America.

He can catch you
up on your verbs

or vocabulary or anything.

Well, thank you, Wally.

Yeah, and he could probably
teach you to cha-cha, too.

Oh, but he's not as
nice a guy as Harry is.

What are you doing?

Oh, just thinking.

Thinking up new
ways to ditch girls?

Oh, now, dear,

I was just trying to help Wally

over a difficult situation.

Well, I don't like
you teaching him

the mean tricks
that you used to do.

Dear, I didn't think
of it that way at all.

I was just thinking that,

well, Wally is a very
nice-looking boy.

And from time to time,
he may catch the eyes

of quite a few ambitious
mothers and their daughters.

You know, you really
can't blame Mrs. Hanson.

Why, Wally'd make a
nice date for any girl.

Yes, I know. But
I... I'll get it, dear.

Oh, hello.

Won't you come in?

Ward, it's Mr. and Mrs. Hanson.

You know my husband.

Oh, yes. Yes, of course.

Won't you sit down?

Thank you.

We have a problem.

And I'll get right to the point.

I'm afraid your son Wally

has been demanding much too much

of my daughter's time.

Oh?

I didn't mind Wally coming
over in the beginning,

but now, he's at
our house every day.

And even if poor Alma has
another boy come to call,

your son always
manages to be there.

- Mrs. Hanson...
- Mrs. Hanson,

we can see how that would
be, well, quite a problem.

Now, do you have
any solution in mind?

Naturally, we wouldn't
want to hurt Wally's feelings.

He seems to be
rather a nice boy.

So I think that if you
just kept Wally at home

for a few days, it would
give Alma a chance

to see more of these other boys

who've been flocking around.

I just don't like to
see a popular girl

tying herself down
to any one boy.

- Mrs. Hanson...
- Mrs. Hanson,

if you say so,
we'll certainly try

to restrain Wally.

These young lads
are so impetuous.

Thank you for understanding.

Mrs. Cleaver, I hope we didn't
keep you away from your dishes.

Not at all.

They're used to being alone.

Yes.

Well, come along, Alfred.

It's been a pleasure,
Mr. Cleaver,

being able to talk
man to man like this.

Yes, of course.

Oh, Ward, how
could you stand there,

grinning and agreeing with her?

Why, the things
she said about Wally.

Well, I guess I'm just too
much like my older son, dear.

I just can't hurt
people's feelings.

You couldn't possibly have
hurt that woman's feelings.

Well, I wasn't worried
about her feelings, actually.

I was thinking of Alma.

And maybe just a
little bit of poor Alfred.

Oh... You better go
up and talk to Wally.

Wally! Wally!

Well gee, thanks, Dad, for
getting me off the hook with Alma.

I was kind of running out
of guys to take over there.

Well, as it turned out, Mrs.
Hanson took us all off the hook.

Dad, how come she was still picking
out boyfriends for her daughter?

That's like if you were a
big guy and your mother

was still buying
your suits for you.

Yeah, it is a little
like that, Beaver.

And I think she's
making a big mistake.

You see, it's all right for
parents to help their children

and advise them, but they
can't live their lives for them.

But gee, Dad, then how
come she tries so hard?

Well, it's hard to say, Wally.

Maybe she's trying to
compensate for some lack

in her own life.

Oh. You mean like that
guy with the mustache?

Yeah, Wally. Maybe it is
the guy with the mustache.

Well gee, thanks, Dad.

That's all right.

Well, I'd better go down

and make my peace
with your mother.

Is she mad at you, Dad?

Yeah, a little bit.

But I don't think she knows why,

so I better go
down and tell her.

Hey, Wally, who's the
guy with the mustache

you and Dad were talking about?

Oh, that's Alma's father.

What does he do?

He stands by the fireplace
and smokes a pipe.

What's wrong with that?

Well, nothing. But
that's all he does.

Oh.

Thank you, dear, for
helping me with the dishes.

Oh, that's all right.

I felt we owed it

to Mrs. Hanson's picture of us.

You know, I've been thinking
about Alma and Mrs. Hanson.

You know, they remind
me a little bit of my mother.

Oh, come now, dear. Your mother
was a fine, understanding woman.

Well, mothers can't be fine
and understanding all the time.

I remember when I was about 15,

my mother went
to see Helen Hayes

in Antony and Cleopatra.

Right then and there, she decided
that I was going to be an actress.

- She didn't.
- Yes, she did.

She gave me special
dramatics lessons

and voice courses,

and she even worked
behind the scenes

to get me the lead
in the school play.

Well, what happened?

Oh. Well, a week after she
saw me in the school play,

she saw Helen Hayes again.

The comparison
almost killed her.

Well, honey, I'm glad
she gave up the idea,

because if she hadn't,

right now I'd be
paying $4.00 a seat

just to look at you.

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