Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 3, Episode 2 - Beaver Takes a Bath - full transcript

Starring...

and...

Hey, Beav, you want a cracker?

Sure.

There are nothing but crumbs.

Yeah, but they were crackers
when I put them in there.

Hey, Beav, tomorrow's Saturday.

Can your father drive us to
miniature golf in the morning?

No, Mom and him are
going out of town for the night.

Boy, you mean you and Wally

will be all alone in the
house by yourselves?



No, they're getting Mrs.
Evans to stay with us.

Gee whiz, you got
to have a babysitter?

Didn't your big brother
make a squawk?

He's big enough not to have one.

Yeah,

but he's not big enough
for them to listen to him.

I wonder if a kid
ever gets big enough

so they listen to them.

Search me.

What time are we leaving, Ward?

Well, I thought around 4:00.

That way, we
can miss the traffic

and still get into
Freeport before dark.

Fine.



Do you have room in
your suitcase for my shoes?

Yeah, I guess so.

What's the matter
with your suitcase?

Well, I don't want to jam
them in with my dresses.

Oh, of course not.

Maybe you could wrap
them in one of my clean shirts.

Hey, you guys are only
going to be gone one night.

How come we got to have

Mrs. Evans come
and stay with us?

Well, we'll feel better
if someone's here.

Well, I guess she's okay
if we got to have a warden.

Wally, she's not a warden.
She's a very nice woman.

Last time she was here,
she made me eat peas.

Beaver, I thought
you liked peas.

Well, I do. I just
don't like the insides.

Hey, Dad, if you're
going to Freeport

for a business meeting, how
come Mom gets to go along?

Oh, well, the company
likes for the wives

to get to know each other.

Boy, that sounds dumb.

I don't think it's dumb at all.

When I get married,

I'm not going to take
my wife anywhere.

Not even to Disneyland.

Well, Beaver, why would
you say a thing like that?

Well, just 'cause
you're married,

that doesn't mean
you got to like girls.

I'll get it.

Hey, Dad, if I saved
up my allowance,

could I buy a monkey?

Of course not.

Okay, then I won't save up.

I'm fine. Thank you.

Oh?

Well, I'm sorry to hear that.

Oh, yes, I see.

Well, thank you
for calling anyway.

Good-bye.

Mrs. Evans can't come.

Well, can't we get someone else?

Not at the last minute.

I guess I'll just have to
stay home with the boys.

Well, dear, the company's
counting on you being there.

You're all packed
and everything.

- How about me?
- The reservations are made...

What do you mean how about me?

Well, I mean how about
me staying home with us?

Sure, Mom, he could
take care of stuff.

He's almost a real person.

Oh, no, Beaver.

You boys need someone here

to cook your meals
and take care of you.

Oh, heck, Mom, what
is there to cooking?

You just yank some
stuff out of the freezer

and throw it on the stove.

Well, sure, June,
that's all there is to it.

Yeah, Mom, and if you don't
want us to get the stove dirty,

we could eat bologna
sandwiches till you get back.

Sure, Mom, I can
take care of him.

It's only one night,

and I'm sure Wally
can take care of things.

Well, I guess I'm outnumbered.

Fine.

Well, now, Wally,

if you're going to
do Mrs. Evans' job,

why, we're certainly
going to expect to pay you

the same money we
were going to pay her.

Well, sure, Dad.

Why do you think
I brought it up?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure.

Well, June, you run on
upstairs now and finish packing,

and we'll take
care of the dishes.

And don't you worry about Wally.

He has the responsibility
and the good sense

to take care of
something like this.

Well, I'll put my
shoes by your bag.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, come on, fellas.

Let's get these
dishes over on the sink.

- Hey, Dad.
- Mm-hmm?

If I've got good sense
and responsibility

and everything like you say,

how come I can't have a monkey?

Wally, you take care
of your brother first,

then we'll talk about a monkey.

Sure.

Dear, remind me to give
Wally this list before we go.

Okay.

Did you get my
shoes in your bag?

Yeah, with a little effort.

Look, dear, we're only
going to be gone over night.

Why do you have to have
an extra pair of shoes?

'Cause the ones
I'm wearing hurt.

Well, then why wear them?

Because they're the right color.

Oh.

Dear, are you sure the
boys are going to be all right

here by themselves?

Yes, June, of course I'm sure.

I absolutely guarantee it.

Wally! Beaver!

Hey, boys!

Well, who can that be?

We were just waiting
outside to say good-bye.

Oh, well, now look, fellas.

You know the hotel
where we'll be staying.

If there's any trouble at all,

just call the neighbors
next door or the Mondellos.

We've told them that
we're going to be away.

- Okay.
- All right.

Now, you boys behave
yourself and be careful.

Gee, Mom, how could
we get in any trouble?

There's nobody going
to be here to yell at us.

Yeah, well, you just act
as though there were.

Now, Wally, you're in charge.

And I want you to see
that the Beaver eats

and that he takes a bath.

- Okay, Mom.
- Well.

- Good-bye, Wally.
- Bye, Mom.

- Bye, Beaver.
- Good-bye, Mom.

Mom, I hope you meet
a whole lot of nice wives.

Thank you, Beaver.

- Bye, Wally.
- Bye, Mom.

Good-bye, boys. See you.

Bye, Dad.

Ward, I forgot to tell the
Beaver to change his socks.

June, dear, Columbus
left for America

with less fuss
than this. Come on.

Hey, Beaver!

Yeah, Wally?

Get on down here, will you?

- Yeah, Wally? Is supper ready?
- Not yet.

Then what did you
call me down for?

To tell you to get
upstairs and take a bath.

I was already upstairs.

Look, Beaver, I'm getting
paid to tell you what to do,

so you're going to do it, see?

I'm the boss around here.

Well, okay.

But I liked you
a whole lot better

when you were just a brother.

Will you just get upstairs?

Hey, Wally, what are
we having for supper?

Hamburgers and stuff.

What happened to the TV
dinner you were going to fix?

Well, when I was taking
it out of the freezer,

It fell on the floor and
broke, so I threw it away.

Oh.

Hey, Wally, you think you
ought to call up Mrs. Mondello

and ask her how to cook?

Look, Beaver, would you just
get upstairs and take your bath?

But I usually take
my bath after supper.

After supper, I
want to watch TV.

I don't want to have to be worried
about whether you're dirty or not.

Now, won't you just
get upstairs and take it?

But, Wally...

Okay.

That's Beaver's,
and that's mine.

Hey, Beaver, supper!

I'm taking my bath, Wally!

Take it later! The
junk's getting cold!

Come on, will you?

Okay!

Hey, Wally, I'll trade you
my top for your bottom.

Huh?

You like the tops of the
rolls, and I like the bottoms.

Well, okay.

Now I got two bottoms,
and you got two tops.

Hey, Beaver, eat your peas.

Do I got to?

Well, sure you got to.

But I don't like the insides.

Well, then just eat the
outsides and shut up.

Hey, disguise your
voice in case it's a burglar.

Yeah.

Hello? Cleavers.

Oh, hi, Mom.

We're just going
out to supper, Wally,

and I just called to see
if everything was all right.

Oh, yeah, Mom,
everything's real neat.

It's Mom and Dad.

Say hello for me.

Beaver says hello.

Huh?

Oh, nothing. Just eating dinner.

Uh-huh, peas and hamburgers.

Fine. Now, Wally,
you be a good boy,

and take good
care of your brother.

And Wally, your father
wants to talk to you.

We'll be home
tomorrow before lunch.

Hi, son.

Hi, Dad. Did you want something?

Yeah, I wanted to tell
you to behave yourself

and to take good care of Beaver.

Oh, sure, Dad.

Mom already hollered
at me about that.

Oh. Yeah, well, Wally,

we'll be home
tomorrow before lunch.

Yeah, all right. Good-bye, son.

Hey, Wally, I don't
have any napkin.

Should I wipe my hands
off on the tablecloth?

Nah, let me get
you a dish towel.

- Ward?
- Hmm?

Do you think they're all right?

Oh, they said
they were all right.

Well, I know, but do you
really think they're all right?

Guess they are.

Beaver, would you
quit flipping water?

I'm not flipping water.

Look, Beaver, I told you.
Would you quit flipping water?

How can I be flipping
water when I'm drinking milk?

Hey, Beaver, look.

Hey, Beaver, you didn't
leave the water running

in the bathtub, did you?

Gee, I couldn't have, Wally.

I guess I did.

Oh, boy.

Boy, Beaver, what
a dumb thing to do.

You know, Wally,

I'll bet if there's any
bugs out on the floor,

they're all drowned.

What are you
bringing that up for?

I don't know. I just kind
of feel sorry for the bugs.

Boy, Beaver, what
a dumb thing to do.

I'll bet you wouldn't have
done anything like this

if Mom and Dad were here.

No, I guess I wouldn't.

Well, then why did
you do it when I'm here?

I guess I'm not as scared
of you as I am of them.

Well, I guess we
got most of it up.

Come on, let's take these
towels down in the cellar

and throw them in the dryer.

Hey, Beaver, you're getting

the whole front of
your shirt all wet.

That's all right.

I'll pretend I got shot
by Indians and it's blood.

Boy, Beaver.

Hey, Wally, do I got
to take another bath?

Look, Beaver, you've taken
enough baths for tonight.

Yeah, I guess I have.

Oh, hi, Mrs. Mondello.

- Hello, boys.
- Hi.

Larry and I were out shopping,

and I came by to see
how you were getting along

with your parents away.

Oh, we're getting along
just fine. Aren't we, Wally?

Yeah, uh, sure.

You see, Mom?

I told you they wouldn't
be killed or nothing.

Well, that's just fine.

What do you have there?

Oh, towels.

But they're dripping wet.

Well, I took a bath.

You used all those towels?

Uh, well, he's
kind of hard to dry.

Oh.

Well, as long as
everything's all right,

we'll be running along.

Could I stay all night with
Wally and Beaver, Mom?

Oh, no, Larry, not tonight.

I bet you Dad would let me.

Larry, you know your
father's out of town.

Heck, he's always out of town

when I want to do
something good.

Never mind. You come along.

Good night, boys.

- Good night, Mrs. Mondello.
- Good night, Larry.

I'll be right there, Mom.

I just want to say
good night to Beaver.

Well, I'll wait for
you in the car.

What did you guys mess up?

Beaver let the bathtub run over.

All over the house?

No, all over the bathroom.

Larry?

You're not going to tell
your mother, are you, Larry?

No, I don't want her thinking
I got a dumb kid for a pal.

Thanks, Larry.

Bye.

Come on, let's get
these things dried out.

Boy, Wally, we
almost got in trouble.

Yeah, she...

Uh-oh.

You think Mom and
Dad will notice it?

Well, sure, they're
going to notice it.

They're going to
jump all over us, too.

Are you going to
squeal on me, Wally?

Well, of course I'm
going to squeal on you.

It was your fault, wasn't it?

Yeah, sure,

but it'll make you look
like a crummy babysitter.

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess it's better
if we both keep quiet.

It always has been.

Oh. Hey, look, Beav,
why don't you take these

down in the cellar and
throw them in the dryer

while I think about something
to do about this ceiling?

Okay, Wally.

- I'll only be a minute, dear.
- Okay.

Thought I ought to get a wrap.

Will we be long?

Oh, I don't think so.

They just want to drive
us out to see their house.

Thanks, dear.

Ward, do you think
the other wives like me?

Well, I wouldn't worry about it.

If they don't, I'm sure they're
much too polite to say anything.

Thanks.

Dear, do you think we
ought to call the boys again?

Oh, now, June, believe me.

They're going to
be perfectly all right.

Mrs. Mondello said she'd
stop by and check on them.

And anyway, who could
possibly get in trouble

just eating supper
and going to bed?

Two boys.

Look, June, it was my idea
to leave Wally in charge.

If anything goes wrong,
I'll take the blame.

Come on, dear. The people
are waiting downstairs.

Let's go.

Hey, Wally, how's it coming?

Okay, I guess,

but it dries hair
quicker than ceilings.

If we had a hairy ceiling,
it'd be dry long ago.

Well, I guess that's
dried out pretty good.

Yeah, I'll bet when Mom
and Dad get back tomorrow,

they won't even know my
bath came through the ceiling.

Well, maybe.

Hey, Wally, should
we wash the dishes?

Yeah, but let's not
wash them too good.

They'll think we
didn't eat anything.

Yeah.

Well, boys, did you
fellas have a good time?

When, Dad?

When we were away.

Did we, Wally?

Well, yeah. Yeah, we sure did.

Yeah, sure we did.

Well, Wally, your mother
and I are certainly pleased

with the job you did
while we were gone.

We certainly are.

Oh, well, yeah, thanks a lot.

What was that?

It sounded like something
fell in the kitchen.

Ward, come here.

Well, how do you like
that? The plaster just let go.

How do you suppose
that happened?

Well, I don't know,
but I'll tell you one thing.

I'm sure going to call
that real estate man

first thing in the morning.

You don't expect this
when you buy a house.

They won't have to tear
up my kitchen, will they?

Oh, no, I think it's just a
little patch and paint job.

Gee, Dad, what could've
caused that to happen?

Oh, it could've been
a lot of things, Beaver.

Maybe the plaster didn't
set up right in the first place.

Or maybe the house is settling,

or it could even have been

vibrations from
a plane or a truck.

Well, come on.

Let's get back
and finish dinner.

We can clean this up later.

You see, Wally? Lots of
things could've caused it.

Yeah.

Well, boys, you all set for bed?

Yeah, Dad, I've been
waiting for Wally?

He's been combing his hair.

Oh.

Well, Wally, I just
wanted to thank you again

for the real good job
you did with Beaver.

And to give you your money.

Your salary.

Oh, well, uh, thanks a lot, Dad.

Yeah.

Well, Mother will be
up in a few minutes

to say good night.

Wally, you really
came through for me.

Thanks a lot.

Yeah. Good night, Dad.

Good night.

- Good night, Beav.
- Good night, Wally.

What's the matter, Wally?

I don't know.

Just thinking about stuff.

I'm thinking about stuff, too.

Yeah.

Is the stuff you're thinking
about right here in this room?

It sure is.

The money?

Yeah, the money.

Well, you know, I
thought I'd be okay

until Dad said that stuff
about coming through for him.

Yeah, it makes you feel
creepy after we goofed stuff up.

Well, what are we
going to do, Wally?

Well, I guess there's
only one thing we can do.

- Hey, Dad!
- Hey, Dad!

We want to tell
you something, Dad!

Hello, dear.

Hi.

Well, the plasterers
did a pretty good job.

Yes, painters are coming
tomorrow to touch it up.

It's a shame something like this

had to happen to a new house.

Oh, I don't know.

Not a complete shame.

What? To come home
to a hole in the ceiling?

Well, if everything had gone
all right while we were away,

we'd never have known
what really nice boys we have.

Ward, when you were a boy,

if something like
this had happened,

would you have told your father?

Well, I remember once I
was fooling around with his car

and broke the ignition
key off in the lock.

I told him.

And he appreciated it very much.

But I still got it
with the strap.

Well, why, Ward, if
you told him the truth?

Well, it was the thing
to do in those days,

and my father was not
one to let a boy down.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA