Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 3, Episode 16 - Pet Fair - full transcript
Beaver isn't looking forward to school today since all the kids in his class are announcing what pets they will bring tomorrow for the pet fair. Beaver knows that he will be one of the few who doesn't own a pet, and his parents refuse to buy him one since he has not taken care of any of the other pets he has had in his life. So when one by one the other kids tell what pets they are bringing, Beaver pipes up that he will be bringing a singing and talking parrot, as he knows there is one just like that at the pet store. Beaver doesn't expect that the parrot costs $200, money which he doesn't have. Even Ward changing his mind and buying Beaver a pet hamster doesn't cheer him up. And Ward and June, not knowing what Beaver has told the class, don't understand why he isn't happy about the hamster. Beaver hopes for a miracle for a parrot to appear by tomorrow. June, Ward and Miss Landers end up being more understanding about the issue than Beaver expects.
Starring...
and...
Wally, where's your brother?
His breakfast is getting cold.
He'll be right down, Mom.
When I saw him, he had
his undershirt on backwards
and he was trying to turn it
around without getting out of it.
That's quite a knack.
Parents are no good.
Parents are no good.
Wally, what are you
mumbling about?
Oh, I was just saying
"Parents are no good."
Wally, what a
terrible thing to say!
It's for science.
I'm memorizing guys who
made outstanding contributions.
Pascal, Archimedes,
Newton, and Galileo.
"Parents Are No Good."
Couldn't your teacher have
found a more flattering phrase?
Gee, Dad, it wasn't his idea.
Eddie Haskell thought it up.
Oh, I see. Poor boy.
- Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
- Hi.
Hi there, Beaver.
I heard you had trouble with
your undershirt this morning.
Yeah, Mom. You must've
put it in the drawer backwards.
I sure wish I didn't have
to go to school today.
Why would you say that, Beaver?
'Cause tomorrow
we're having a pet fair,
and today we've got to tell what
pets we're bringing in tomorrow.
Beaver, the reason
you don't have a pet
is because you didn't
take care of your rabbit
and you didn't take
care of your pigeons.
Yeah. You even
goofed up your goldfish.
Beaver, there'll be lots of children
in your class who won't have pets.
Yeah, Mom. All the creeps.
Well, Beaver, we're not going to buy
you a pet between now and tomorrow.
Yes, sir.
Parents are no good.
Parents are no good.
Wally, are you still
studying your science?
Sure, Dad.
Hey, Larry,
how come you're
walking to school today?
My mother said I should
walk off my breakfast.
What's the good of eating
it if you're gonna walk it off?
I know, but why
start an argument?
Hey, Beaver, I'm
bringing my dog to school
for pet day tomorrow.
What are you bringing?
Nothing. I don't have any pets.
Well, what happened to those
worms you planted in your backyard?
Well, they must've went away
to somebody else's house.
Well, anyway, worms
aren't a real pet.
Well, they don't have
legs on them or anything.
Yeah, I guess so.
Hello, boys.
Hello, boys.
Hello, parrot. This
is my friend, Larry.
- Hello, boys.
- Polly want a cracker?
The man in the store
says he knows 50 words.
Boy, I'd hate to know 50 words
and just be a crummy old parrot.
Yeah.
Well, we'd better get to
school now. Good-bye, parrot.
Hello, boys.
Well, boys and girls,
we have a very impressive
list here for pet day.
Alice, do you have a pet?
My pet is a rabbit.
His name is Blinky,
and you're not supposed
to pick him up by the ears.
Oh, that's fine, Alice.
Um, Whitey, how about you?
My pet is four pigeons,
and they can fly back home
from anywhere, even
if they were blindfolded.
They sound like very
intelligent pigeons, Whitey.
Um, Mary Agnes,
what do you have?
My pet is a Pekingese.
Ooh, we're very
anxious to see that.
- Larry?
- Uh...
I wasn't doing
anything, Miss Landers.
I know you weren't, Larry. What
pet are you bringing tomorrow?
I'm bringing my dog Oscar,
and he's a Weimaraner,
and my mother's giving him a
bath, so he shouldn't be dirty.
That's fine, Larry. Um, Judy.
My pet is unusual because
my parents have made me
the proud possessor
of an Abyssinian cat.
It's already won second
prize in a cat show.
That's very exciting
to have a prize-winner
in our pet fair,
isn't it, class?
- Yes, Miss Landers.
- Boo!
Well, so far we have
some wonderful pets.
Um, Beaver.
Well, uh, I, uh... Yes, Beaver?
I have a very nice pet.
My parents have made me the
proud possessor of a... parrot.
Gee! A parrot!
A parrot! Can he talk, Beaver?
Yes, ma'am, and he's older
than anyone in this classroom,
and he can talk and sing.
Well, so far I think
that's the most interesting
pet in our pet fair.
Thank you, Miss Landers.
Uh, Kathleen.
My pet is a white rat.
His name is Herbert.
♪ I'll never smile ♪
♪ Again ♪
♪ Until I smile at you ♪
♪ I'll never laugh ♪
♪ Again ♪
♪ What good would it do ♪
Oh, hello, Wally.
Gee, Mom, you were singing.
What about it?
Well, heck. I never heard
a mother sing before.
Well, Dinah Shore's a
mother, and she sings.
Yeah, but she's a girl mother.
You're just a regular mother.
Well, that doesn't mean
I'm not allowed
to be happy, Wally.
Sure, Mom.
Have you seen your brother?
He's had 2 or 3 phone calls.
No, I haven't seen him.
How was your science test?
Mr. Griffin double-crossed
us and didn't give us a test.
I went and learned
all that junk for nothing.
Well, maybe he'll give
you the test next week.
Yeah, but by then I
will have forgotten it.
Boy, what a dirty trick!
"I'll Never Smile Again."
That's one of those songs
from the olden days, huh, Mom?
Yeah, the real olden days.
Hello, boys.
Having a visit with
Sergeant Burke?
- Is that his name?
- Yeah.
He served with the Rainbow
Division in the first World War.
I'd like to buy him.
Can he really sing?
Sure, he can sing.
Come on, Burke. Sing.
♪ Over there, over there ♪
Hello, boys. Hello, boys.
Come on, Burke. ♪
Over there, over there ♪
Hello, boys.
Well, he's just not in
a singing mood today.
Did you say you
wanted to buy him?
Yes, sir. How much is he?
Well, for a bird as old as that
and as smart as he
is, it comes pretty high.
I couldn't let Sergeant
Burke go for less than 200.
- You mean $200?
- Yep.
Well, gee, Mister, I don't
have that kind of money.
No kid has that kind of money.
Maybe you'd better talk
it over with your father.
A bird that can sing like
him you don't find every day.
Yes, sir.
Gee, Larry.
- $200 for a parrot.
- Hello, boys.
- That's really a lot of money.
- Yeah.
Heck, you could buy
a chicken for $1.85.
Yeah. Gee, at school,
I didn't mean to say
about having a parrot.
But when all the other kids
were bragging about their pets
and when Miss
Landers called on me,
all of a sudden it
just popped out.
Yeah.
Look, Beaver, I know
how stuff pops out.
Once, when I was a littler kid,
I told all the guys my
father was Perry Como.
Yeah? What happened
when they found out he wasn't?
I had to change schools.
♪ Over there, over there ♪
♪ Send the word send
the word to beware ♪
Boy, Beaver, for 200 bucks,
what a big shot
you could've been.
- Yeah.
- Hello, boys.
Hi, dear.
Hi. Oh, something for me?
Nope. It's for the Beaver.
You know he's having that
pet fair at school tomorrow,
so I stopped by and
bought him a little hamster.
Thought you didn't
want him to have a pet.
Well, I didn't want him to have
to go to school without one,
and anyway, a boy should
have something to fill in
between kindergarten and girls.
Beaver got home
a little while ago.
Why don't you go
up and give it to him?
Yeah, okay.
Dear,
when was "I'll Never
Smile Again" popular?
It was around 1939, I think.
Oh, sure. Don't you remember
the first time we heard it?
We were in San Francisco.
We had that little corner
table up on Top Of the Mark.
You could look out
the window and see...
We were never in San Francisco.
Oh.
Sorry I brought that up.
What are you
looking like that for?
I'm not looking like anything.
Well, sure you are.
You're looking funny.
I can look funny if I want to.
Look, Beaver, I'm
doing my homework.
Go look funny in the bathroom.
Stop being mean to me
just because I'm your brother.
You know, Beaver,
I've been thinking
about that pet fair
at school tomorrow,
and I don't want you to be
the only boy there without a pet.
You don't, Dad?
No. So you know what I did?
On the way home
today, I stopped by
and bought you this hamster.
Gee, Dad, what a
dirty trick to do to a guy!
Well, Beaver! Wait...
What's the matter with him?
Search me, Dad. I
never laid a hand on him.
Dear, do you have any idea yet
why the Beaver got
so upset before supper?
No. I thought he'd be
delighted with the hamster.
Well, I guess it's not too unusual at
his age not to know what you want.
One minute you're laughing,
and the next
minute you're crying.
Maybe we should try harder
to understand our children.
Nobody ever tried
to understand me,
and I was the happiest
kid in the world.
You mean you were neglected?
Of course not.
My parents worked seven
days a week on a farm.
They couldn't afford the luxury
of worrying about their kids.
That's right, Miss Landers.
I can't bring my parrot
to school tomorrow,
but I really have one,
and he'd like to talk to you.
Go on, Wally.
Aw, Beaver, cut
it out. It can't work.
Gee, Wally, at
least you could try it.
Okay, okay.
Uh, hello? This
is Beaver's parrot,
and I'm sick, and I can't
come to school tomorrow.
Good-bye. Caw, caw.
Gosh, Beaver,
this is real goofy.
Yeah.
You're not bad as a brother,
but you sure do
make a dumb parrot.
I'm dumb? You're dumb.
Why did you have to go and say you
were gonna bring a parrot to school?
Why couldn't you say something
easy, like... like maybe a frog?
Listen, Wally, I
almost said an eagle.
Look, Beaver.
Why don't you just take the
hamster to school tomorrow
and tell all the guys you
were kidding about the parrot?
You know, make a big joke of it.
I can't, Wally.
- Larry could, but I can't.
- Why not?
Well, 'cause
Larry's always making
jokes and I never make them.
Well, if a kid who never makes
jokes all of a sudden makes a joke,
they don't think it's a joke.
Yeah.
I guess I see what you mean.
But look, Beaver,
what are you gonna do?
I don't know.
Maybe I'll leave the
window open tonight,
and maybe a parrot will get
loose from a zoo or something
and fly in here, and then
I'll take him to school.
Beaver, that's not gonna happen.
Well, I know, but at least
with the window open,
I might get pneumonia.
Hey, Beaver, are you crying?
Well, of course I'm not crying.
When a guy's 10 years
old, he's not allowed to cry.
Yeah.
Hey, Wally, where are you going?
Well, uh... I, uh...
I think I'll go downstairs
and make me a sandwich.
- Do you want something?
- Uh-uh.
Boy, you dumb kid, you!
Want to hear what
Dear Abby says?
No.
What's so funny?
You said you
didn't want to hear.
Uh, Dad?
Well, Wally, you all
through with your homework?
Uh, yeah, kind of.
Could I sort of see
you guys alone?
We are alone.
- Yeah.
- What is it, Wally?
Well, uh,
if I told you about some
trouble that the Beaver was in,
you wouldn't get mad and go upstairs
and start hitting him, would you?
- Of course not!
- What trouble is the Beaver in?
Well, uh, I guess
I'd better not tell you.
Wally, you come right back here
and tell me exactly what
trouble the Beaver is in.
Well, you see, Dad?
You're hollering already.
Wally, your father
is not hollering.
You tell us what it is.
Well, uh, it's about
the pet fair at school.
Beaver got in sort of a spot,
and he told all the kids
that he had a parrot.
- A parrot?
- Yeah.
Then he went down
to Allen's Pet Store,
and they had one that
could sing "Over There."
It cost a couple
hundred dollars.
And then you came
home with that hamster.
Now he's upstairs
pretending like he's not crying.
Well, I think it's too
bad the Beaver made up
a ridiculous story like
that about having a parrot,
but there's nothing
I can do about it.
- Yes, there is.
- After all, if
a boy's going to...
- What?
- You can get him a parrot.
Get him a parrot?
June, it's 9:00 at night.
- I don't care, dear.
- They cost $200.
I didn't say you had to buy one.
Just get him one some way.
Oh, June, dear,
that's ridiculous! I c...
Wally, your mother
and I are talking.
Why don't you go on upstairs?
But, heck, Dad, I wanted to
hang around and find out who won.
Upstairs, Wally. And don't
say anything to your brother.
Now, look, June, dear,
let's be reasonable.
Just because Beaver
got himself out on a limb,
I can't go out and
buy him a parrot.
Why, do you think my father
would even have
considered such a thing?
Dear, this time don't be
your father's kind of father.
Be your own kind of father.
June, we're always
telling our boys
they must face up
to their mistakes.
I know, dear, but I think
every once in a while
a child is entitled to have his
parents back up his mistakes.
Well, I'm sorry, dear.
I just don't see that it'd be the
greatest tragedy in the world
if Beaver had to go to school
tomorrow and simply say
"I made it up. I
don't have a parrot."
It could be, dear.
I remember once when I
went away to boarding school,
I told all the girls that my
mother gave up a career
as a movie star
to marry my father.
You didn't.
Yes, I did.
And I said her name
was Laverne Laverne.
Did you get away with it?
No. My mother
found out about it.
She made me tell the
whole school the truth.
- Why, June!
- I know I told a lie,
but if she'd have
shown me just...
just the smallest
bit of understanding,
it still wouldn't hurt a little
bit after all these years.
Well,
I guess there's nothing for me
to do but go out at 9:00 at night
and find a parrot who
sings "Over There."
Ward, you're wonderful.
I'm out of my mind.
That's what I am.
I can't tell you how much I
appreciate your coming down
this time of night and
opening up, Mr. Allen.
How's that?
I said I want to thank you for
coming down tonight and opening up.
Oh, that's all right.
I get used to it.
Last Christmas Eve, a
fellow got me out of bed.
Had to have a collie
pup for his little girl.
So I came down
and got it for him.
Well, he must have
appreciated that.
Oh, yeah. Gave me a
check right on the spot.
Bounced higher
than a basketball.
Well, I certainly hope $10
is a fair price for
renting the bird for a day.
Oh, yes. And the bird
could use a day in school.
Hey, does he really sing?
Does he sing?
Come on, Burke. Sing.
♪ Over there, over there ♪
Hello, boys.
He just does that
to get under my skin.
Well, thanks again, Mr. Allen,
and I'll have him back
tomorrow afternoon.
Over there, over there ♪
♪ Send the word send
the word to beware ♪
Ah, thank you, dear.
Where's the Beaver?
He's waiting out in the
car with Sergeant Burke.
Oh, it's okay. It's
okay. He's in the cage.
Dear, you're gonna have to
drive him to school this morning.
Yeah. The city's got a rule.
No animals on the
buses. Just kids.
Well, all right. I can get some
breakfast after I drop him off.
Boy, I sure hope I'm
not setting a pattern here
where he'll expect us to
back up anything he says.
I hope not, either, but...
well, let's do it this time, dear,
in memory of Laverne Laverne.
Okay, dear.
- Bye, bye.
- Bye.
- Bye, Dad.
- Good-bye.
Hey, Mom, how come whenever
parents do anything nice,
they always wonder if
they're doing the right thing?
Wally, aren't your
eggs getting cold?
Oh. Yeah. Yeah,
I guess they are.
Shh! Children.
All right, children.
Well, I'd say we had a
very successful pet fair,
and I want to thank all of you
for bringing in your animals.
You're welcome, Miss Landers.
You can be dismissed
now, because I know
a lot of your parents
are waiting for you.
Good night, Miss Landers.
- Bye, Miss Landers.
- Bye.
All right, Sergeant Burke,
get back in the cage.
You won first prize,
but how come your dumb
parrot calls everybody "boys"?
Because he hates
girls, that's why.
Aah!
- You coming, Beaver?
- In a second, Larry.
Come on, Oscar. I want
to show you the playground.
Hello, boys.
Is your father picking
you up, Beaver?
Yes, Miss Landers. I guess so.
Did you want something, Beaver?
I don't know if I should
have this blue ribbon.
Well, why not, Beaver?
The children voted Sergeant
Burke the most popular pet.
Hello, boys.
Yeah, but he's not mine.
He's rented from a store.
Rented?
Well, yes, ma'am.
My father went out in the
dark last night and rented him
from a man for $10.
Then you made it all up yesterday
about having a parrot of your own?
Yes, ma'am.
All the other kids were saying
about the neat pets they had,
and I didn't have any.
So I made up about
having Sergeant Burke
because I saw him in a store.
Oh, Beaver, you shouldn't
have been embarrassed
to be the only
student without a pet.
Why, you know
we're all friends here.
Yes,
but even your best
friends laugh at you
and say you're dumb when
you do something different.
Well, I... I'm afraid
that's right, Beaver.
But you know,
you're very fortunate
to have a father
who understands that.
Well, I think I'm very
fortunate too, Miss Landers.
There's just one thing, Beaver.
I hope you won't
expect your father
to keep backing you up
when you make up stories.
Oh, no, ma'am.
I'm never gonna get him
in a mess like this again.
I'm sure you're not.
Well, thank you, Miss
Landers. Good-bye.
Oh, Beaver, you
forgot your blue ribbon.
Oh.
- Good-bye, Beaver.
- Good-bye, Miss Landers.
Good-bye, Sergeant Burke.
♪ Over there, over there ♪
♪ Send the word send
the word to beware ♪
Why, Beaver, he
really does sing.
Sure, Miss Landers. I
didn't make up that part.
Hi, Dad.
Well, hi, Beav.
Well, I came down
to say good night.
Your mother and I would've
come up in a few minutes.
Well, I know,
but I wanted to
ask you something.
Oh. Well, come on. Sit down.
All right. What is it?
Well, when I made up the story
about having the
parrot, that was wrong.
That's right.
And you helping me
keep it made a secret,
that was wrong, too.
That's right, too.
But, well, you're a father.
How come you did it?
Well, maybe that's
why I did it, Beaver.
You see, parents aren't
always perfect, either.
Sometimes they love
their children so much that
they'll do almost anything
to keep them from being hurt.
Even if it means making
a mistake now and then.
Gee, Dad, I guess
there's an awful lot
more to being a father
than just making
money and hollering.
There sure is.
Oh, and, Dad,
thanks for the hamster.
Okay, Beaver.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
and...
Wally, where's your brother?
His breakfast is getting cold.
He'll be right down, Mom.
When I saw him, he had
his undershirt on backwards
and he was trying to turn it
around without getting out of it.
That's quite a knack.
Parents are no good.
Parents are no good.
Wally, what are you
mumbling about?
Oh, I was just saying
"Parents are no good."
Wally, what a
terrible thing to say!
It's for science.
I'm memorizing guys who
made outstanding contributions.
Pascal, Archimedes,
Newton, and Galileo.
"Parents Are No Good."
Couldn't your teacher have
found a more flattering phrase?
Gee, Dad, it wasn't his idea.
Eddie Haskell thought it up.
Oh, I see. Poor boy.
- Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
- Hi.
Hi there, Beaver.
I heard you had trouble with
your undershirt this morning.
Yeah, Mom. You must've
put it in the drawer backwards.
I sure wish I didn't have
to go to school today.
Why would you say that, Beaver?
'Cause tomorrow
we're having a pet fair,
and today we've got to tell what
pets we're bringing in tomorrow.
Beaver, the reason
you don't have a pet
is because you didn't
take care of your rabbit
and you didn't take
care of your pigeons.
Yeah. You even
goofed up your goldfish.
Beaver, there'll be lots of children
in your class who won't have pets.
Yeah, Mom. All the creeps.
Well, Beaver, we're not going to buy
you a pet between now and tomorrow.
Yes, sir.
Parents are no good.
Parents are no good.
Wally, are you still
studying your science?
Sure, Dad.
Hey, Larry,
how come you're
walking to school today?
My mother said I should
walk off my breakfast.
What's the good of eating
it if you're gonna walk it off?
I know, but why
start an argument?
Hey, Beaver, I'm
bringing my dog to school
for pet day tomorrow.
What are you bringing?
Nothing. I don't have any pets.
Well, what happened to those
worms you planted in your backyard?
Well, they must've went away
to somebody else's house.
Well, anyway, worms
aren't a real pet.
Well, they don't have
legs on them or anything.
Yeah, I guess so.
Hello, boys.
Hello, boys.
Hello, parrot. This
is my friend, Larry.
- Hello, boys.
- Polly want a cracker?
The man in the store
says he knows 50 words.
Boy, I'd hate to know 50 words
and just be a crummy old parrot.
Yeah.
Well, we'd better get to
school now. Good-bye, parrot.
Hello, boys.
Well, boys and girls,
we have a very impressive
list here for pet day.
Alice, do you have a pet?
My pet is a rabbit.
His name is Blinky,
and you're not supposed
to pick him up by the ears.
Oh, that's fine, Alice.
Um, Whitey, how about you?
My pet is four pigeons,
and they can fly back home
from anywhere, even
if they were blindfolded.
They sound like very
intelligent pigeons, Whitey.
Um, Mary Agnes,
what do you have?
My pet is a Pekingese.
Ooh, we're very
anxious to see that.
- Larry?
- Uh...
I wasn't doing
anything, Miss Landers.
I know you weren't, Larry. What
pet are you bringing tomorrow?
I'm bringing my dog Oscar,
and he's a Weimaraner,
and my mother's giving him a
bath, so he shouldn't be dirty.
That's fine, Larry. Um, Judy.
My pet is unusual because
my parents have made me
the proud possessor
of an Abyssinian cat.
It's already won second
prize in a cat show.
That's very exciting
to have a prize-winner
in our pet fair,
isn't it, class?
- Yes, Miss Landers.
- Boo!
Well, so far we have
some wonderful pets.
Um, Beaver.
Well, uh, I, uh... Yes, Beaver?
I have a very nice pet.
My parents have made me the
proud possessor of a... parrot.
Gee! A parrot!
A parrot! Can he talk, Beaver?
Yes, ma'am, and he's older
than anyone in this classroom,
and he can talk and sing.
Well, so far I think
that's the most interesting
pet in our pet fair.
Thank you, Miss Landers.
Uh, Kathleen.
My pet is a white rat.
His name is Herbert.
♪ I'll never smile ♪
♪ Again ♪
♪ Until I smile at you ♪
♪ I'll never laugh ♪
♪ Again ♪
♪ What good would it do ♪
Oh, hello, Wally.
Gee, Mom, you were singing.
What about it?
Well, heck. I never heard
a mother sing before.
Well, Dinah Shore's a
mother, and she sings.
Yeah, but she's a girl mother.
You're just a regular mother.
Well, that doesn't mean
I'm not allowed
to be happy, Wally.
Sure, Mom.
Have you seen your brother?
He's had 2 or 3 phone calls.
No, I haven't seen him.
How was your science test?
Mr. Griffin double-crossed
us and didn't give us a test.
I went and learned
all that junk for nothing.
Well, maybe he'll give
you the test next week.
Yeah, but by then I
will have forgotten it.
Boy, what a dirty trick!
"I'll Never Smile Again."
That's one of those songs
from the olden days, huh, Mom?
Yeah, the real olden days.
Hello, boys.
Having a visit with
Sergeant Burke?
- Is that his name?
- Yeah.
He served with the Rainbow
Division in the first World War.
I'd like to buy him.
Can he really sing?
Sure, he can sing.
Come on, Burke. Sing.
♪ Over there, over there ♪
Hello, boys. Hello, boys.
Come on, Burke. ♪
Over there, over there ♪
Hello, boys.
Well, he's just not in
a singing mood today.
Did you say you
wanted to buy him?
Yes, sir. How much is he?
Well, for a bird as old as that
and as smart as he
is, it comes pretty high.
I couldn't let Sergeant
Burke go for less than 200.
- You mean $200?
- Yep.
Well, gee, Mister, I don't
have that kind of money.
No kid has that kind of money.
Maybe you'd better talk
it over with your father.
A bird that can sing like
him you don't find every day.
Yes, sir.
Gee, Larry.
- $200 for a parrot.
- Hello, boys.
- That's really a lot of money.
- Yeah.
Heck, you could buy
a chicken for $1.85.
Yeah. Gee, at school,
I didn't mean to say
about having a parrot.
But when all the other kids
were bragging about their pets
and when Miss
Landers called on me,
all of a sudden it
just popped out.
Yeah.
Look, Beaver, I know
how stuff pops out.
Once, when I was a littler kid,
I told all the guys my
father was Perry Como.
Yeah? What happened
when they found out he wasn't?
I had to change schools.
♪ Over there, over there ♪
♪ Send the word send
the word to beware ♪
Boy, Beaver, for 200 bucks,
what a big shot
you could've been.
- Yeah.
- Hello, boys.
Hi, dear.
Hi. Oh, something for me?
Nope. It's for the Beaver.
You know he's having that
pet fair at school tomorrow,
so I stopped by and
bought him a little hamster.
Thought you didn't
want him to have a pet.
Well, I didn't want him to have
to go to school without one,
and anyway, a boy should
have something to fill in
between kindergarten and girls.
Beaver got home
a little while ago.
Why don't you go
up and give it to him?
Yeah, okay.
Dear,
when was "I'll Never
Smile Again" popular?
It was around 1939, I think.
Oh, sure. Don't you remember
the first time we heard it?
We were in San Francisco.
We had that little corner
table up on Top Of the Mark.
You could look out
the window and see...
We were never in San Francisco.
Oh.
Sorry I brought that up.
What are you
looking like that for?
I'm not looking like anything.
Well, sure you are.
You're looking funny.
I can look funny if I want to.
Look, Beaver, I'm
doing my homework.
Go look funny in the bathroom.
Stop being mean to me
just because I'm your brother.
You know, Beaver,
I've been thinking
about that pet fair
at school tomorrow,
and I don't want you to be
the only boy there without a pet.
You don't, Dad?
No. So you know what I did?
On the way home
today, I stopped by
and bought you this hamster.
Gee, Dad, what a
dirty trick to do to a guy!
Well, Beaver! Wait...
What's the matter with him?
Search me, Dad. I
never laid a hand on him.
Dear, do you have any idea yet
why the Beaver got
so upset before supper?
No. I thought he'd be
delighted with the hamster.
Well, I guess it's not too unusual at
his age not to know what you want.
One minute you're laughing,
and the next
minute you're crying.
Maybe we should try harder
to understand our children.
Nobody ever tried
to understand me,
and I was the happiest
kid in the world.
You mean you were neglected?
Of course not.
My parents worked seven
days a week on a farm.
They couldn't afford the luxury
of worrying about their kids.
That's right, Miss Landers.
I can't bring my parrot
to school tomorrow,
but I really have one,
and he'd like to talk to you.
Go on, Wally.
Aw, Beaver, cut
it out. It can't work.
Gee, Wally, at
least you could try it.
Okay, okay.
Uh, hello? This
is Beaver's parrot,
and I'm sick, and I can't
come to school tomorrow.
Good-bye. Caw, caw.
Gosh, Beaver,
this is real goofy.
Yeah.
You're not bad as a brother,
but you sure do
make a dumb parrot.
I'm dumb? You're dumb.
Why did you have to go and say you
were gonna bring a parrot to school?
Why couldn't you say something
easy, like... like maybe a frog?
Listen, Wally, I
almost said an eagle.
Look, Beaver.
Why don't you just take the
hamster to school tomorrow
and tell all the guys you
were kidding about the parrot?
You know, make a big joke of it.
I can't, Wally.
- Larry could, but I can't.
- Why not?
Well, 'cause
Larry's always making
jokes and I never make them.
Well, if a kid who never makes
jokes all of a sudden makes a joke,
they don't think it's a joke.
Yeah.
I guess I see what you mean.
But look, Beaver,
what are you gonna do?
I don't know.
Maybe I'll leave the
window open tonight,
and maybe a parrot will get
loose from a zoo or something
and fly in here, and then
I'll take him to school.
Beaver, that's not gonna happen.
Well, I know, but at least
with the window open,
I might get pneumonia.
Hey, Beaver, are you crying?
Well, of course I'm not crying.
When a guy's 10 years
old, he's not allowed to cry.
Yeah.
Hey, Wally, where are you going?
Well, uh... I, uh...
I think I'll go downstairs
and make me a sandwich.
- Do you want something?
- Uh-uh.
Boy, you dumb kid, you!
Want to hear what
Dear Abby says?
No.
What's so funny?
You said you
didn't want to hear.
Uh, Dad?
Well, Wally, you all
through with your homework?
Uh, yeah, kind of.
Could I sort of see
you guys alone?
We are alone.
- Yeah.
- What is it, Wally?
Well, uh,
if I told you about some
trouble that the Beaver was in,
you wouldn't get mad and go upstairs
and start hitting him, would you?
- Of course not!
- What trouble is the Beaver in?
Well, uh, I guess
I'd better not tell you.
Wally, you come right back here
and tell me exactly what
trouble the Beaver is in.
Well, you see, Dad?
You're hollering already.
Wally, your father
is not hollering.
You tell us what it is.
Well, uh, it's about
the pet fair at school.
Beaver got in sort of a spot,
and he told all the kids
that he had a parrot.
- A parrot?
- Yeah.
Then he went down
to Allen's Pet Store,
and they had one that
could sing "Over There."
It cost a couple
hundred dollars.
And then you came
home with that hamster.
Now he's upstairs
pretending like he's not crying.
Well, I think it's too
bad the Beaver made up
a ridiculous story like
that about having a parrot,
but there's nothing
I can do about it.
- Yes, there is.
- After all, if
a boy's going to...
- What?
- You can get him a parrot.
Get him a parrot?
June, it's 9:00 at night.
- I don't care, dear.
- They cost $200.
I didn't say you had to buy one.
Just get him one some way.
Oh, June, dear,
that's ridiculous! I c...
Wally, your mother
and I are talking.
Why don't you go on upstairs?
But, heck, Dad, I wanted to
hang around and find out who won.
Upstairs, Wally. And don't
say anything to your brother.
Now, look, June, dear,
let's be reasonable.
Just because Beaver
got himself out on a limb,
I can't go out and
buy him a parrot.
Why, do you think my father
would even have
considered such a thing?
Dear, this time don't be
your father's kind of father.
Be your own kind of father.
June, we're always
telling our boys
they must face up
to their mistakes.
I know, dear, but I think
every once in a while
a child is entitled to have his
parents back up his mistakes.
Well, I'm sorry, dear.
I just don't see that it'd be the
greatest tragedy in the world
if Beaver had to go to school
tomorrow and simply say
"I made it up. I
don't have a parrot."
It could be, dear.
I remember once when I
went away to boarding school,
I told all the girls that my
mother gave up a career
as a movie star
to marry my father.
You didn't.
Yes, I did.
And I said her name
was Laverne Laverne.
Did you get away with it?
No. My mother
found out about it.
She made me tell the
whole school the truth.
- Why, June!
- I know I told a lie,
but if she'd have
shown me just...
just the smallest
bit of understanding,
it still wouldn't hurt a little
bit after all these years.
Well,
I guess there's nothing for me
to do but go out at 9:00 at night
and find a parrot who
sings "Over There."
Ward, you're wonderful.
I'm out of my mind.
That's what I am.
I can't tell you how much I
appreciate your coming down
this time of night and
opening up, Mr. Allen.
How's that?
I said I want to thank you for
coming down tonight and opening up.
Oh, that's all right.
I get used to it.
Last Christmas Eve, a
fellow got me out of bed.
Had to have a collie
pup for his little girl.
So I came down
and got it for him.
Well, he must have
appreciated that.
Oh, yeah. Gave me a
check right on the spot.
Bounced higher
than a basketball.
Well, I certainly hope $10
is a fair price for
renting the bird for a day.
Oh, yes. And the bird
could use a day in school.
Hey, does he really sing?
Does he sing?
Come on, Burke. Sing.
♪ Over there, over there ♪
Hello, boys.
He just does that
to get under my skin.
Well, thanks again, Mr. Allen,
and I'll have him back
tomorrow afternoon.
Over there, over there ♪
♪ Send the word send
the word to beware ♪
Ah, thank you, dear.
Where's the Beaver?
He's waiting out in the
car with Sergeant Burke.
Oh, it's okay. It's
okay. He's in the cage.
Dear, you're gonna have to
drive him to school this morning.
Yeah. The city's got a rule.
No animals on the
buses. Just kids.
Well, all right. I can get some
breakfast after I drop him off.
Boy, I sure hope I'm
not setting a pattern here
where he'll expect us to
back up anything he says.
I hope not, either, but...
well, let's do it this time, dear,
in memory of Laverne Laverne.
Okay, dear.
- Bye, bye.
- Bye.
- Bye, Dad.
- Good-bye.
Hey, Mom, how come whenever
parents do anything nice,
they always wonder if
they're doing the right thing?
Wally, aren't your
eggs getting cold?
Oh. Yeah. Yeah,
I guess they are.
Shh! Children.
All right, children.
Well, I'd say we had a
very successful pet fair,
and I want to thank all of you
for bringing in your animals.
You're welcome, Miss Landers.
You can be dismissed
now, because I know
a lot of your parents
are waiting for you.
Good night, Miss Landers.
- Bye, Miss Landers.
- Bye.
All right, Sergeant Burke,
get back in the cage.
You won first prize,
but how come your dumb
parrot calls everybody "boys"?
Because he hates
girls, that's why.
Aah!
- You coming, Beaver?
- In a second, Larry.
Come on, Oscar. I want
to show you the playground.
Hello, boys.
Is your father picking
you up, Beaver?
Yes, Miss Landers. I guess so.
Did you want something, Beaver?
I don't know if I should
have this blue ribbon.
Well, why not, Beaver?
The children voted Sergeant
Burke the most popular pet.
Hello, boys.
Yeah, but he's not mine.
He's rented from a store.
Rented?
Well, yes, ma'am.
My father went out in the
dark last night and rented him
from a man for $10.
Then you made it all up yesterday
about having a parrot of your own?
Yes, ma'am.
All the other kids were saying
about the neat pets they had,
and I didn't have any.
So I made up about
having Sergeant Burke
because I saw him in a store.
Oh, Beaver, you shouldn't
have been embarrassed
to be the only
student without a pet.
Why, you know
we're all friends here.
Yes,
but even your best
friends laugh at you
and say you're dumb when
you do something different.
Well, I... I'm afraid
that's right, Beaver.
But you know,
you're very fortunate
to have a father
who understands that.
Well, I think I'm very
fortunate too, Miss Landers.
There's just one thing, Beaver.
I hope you won't
expect your father
to keep backing you up
when you make up stories.
Oh, no, ma'am.
I'm never gonna get him
in a mess like this again.
I'm sure you're not.
Well, thank you, Miss
Landers. Good-bye.
Oh, Beaver, you
forgot your blue ribbon.
Oh.
- Good-bye, Beaver.
- Good-bye, Miss Landers.
Good-bye, Sergeant Burke.
♪ Over there, over there ♪
♪ Send the word send
the word to beware ♪
Why, Beaver, he
really does sing.
Sure, Miss Landers. I
didn't make up that part.
Hi, Dad.
Well, hi, Beav.
Well, I came down
to say good night.
Your mother and I would've
come up in a few minutes.
Well, I know,
but I wanted to
ask you something.
Oh. Well, come on. Sit down.
All right. What is it?
Well, when I made up the story
about having the
parrot, that was wrong.
That's right.
And you helping me
keep it made a secret,
that was wrong, too.
That's right, too.
But, well, you're a father.
How come you did it?
Well, maybe that's
why I did it, Beaver.
You see, parents aren't
always perfect, either.
Sometimes they love
their children so much that
they'll do almost anything
to keep them from being hurt.
Even if it means making
a mistake now and then.
Gee, Dad, I guess
there's an awful lot
more to being a father
than just making
money and hollering.
There sure is.
Oh, and, Dad,
thanks for the hamster.
Okay, Beaver.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA