Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 3, Episode 13 - June's Birthday - full transcript

Starring...

and...

Why the clean car?

Well, dear, tomorrow's
your birthday.

Well, what a thoughtful
gift. Clean car.

Dear, I'm washing the
car because I thought

we'd go out to
dinner tomorrow night.

Oh, no, honey. We'll eat here.

And I don't want any fuss
made over my birthday.

Okay. No fuss.

Every year you say
you won't make a fuss,



and then you and the boys go
and make a fuss behind my back.

Well, I asked for no
fuss last Father's Day.

Then you double-crossed me

with those Old
English bath salts.

Well, I'm gonna
go cut some roses.

Now, remember... no fuss.

Okay.

Now you've left me
stuck with a clean car.

Hey, Wally, what
are you doing that for?

Eddie Haskell says we
had 'em hung upside-down

so the luck would
run out of 'em.

Do you believe in that stuff?

Nah.

Then how come you're
turning them around?



Pipe down, will ya?

Hey, you'd better not
throw that dirt on the floor.

- Mom'll holler at you.
- Yeah.

Hello, fellas. You busy?

Are we busy, Wally?

Aw, cut it out, Beav. You
want something, Dad?

Well, boys, uh,

you know tomorrow is
your mother's birthday.

Yeah, Dad, but last year
when we got her stuff,

she got sore at us.

Well, she says she doesn't
want any fuss made this year,

but I think you should
make a little fuss.

How little a fuss
should we make, Dad?

Oh, between the two of
you, I think you could make

at least 5 dollars' worth.

Oh. Gee, thanks, Dad.

Dad, how come if she
says she doesn't want a fuss,

you're giving us $5.00?

Well, you see, Beaver, actually

your mother only said
she didn't want anything

in order to remind us

not to forget her
birthday completely.

You know, Dad,

you've got Mom
figured out pretty good.

Well, I don't really, Wally,
but I like to think I have.

Well, you fellows get together

and decide on something nice.

Sure, Dad.

What were you doing upstairs?

I was looking for my pipe.

You don't smoke a pipe.

Hmm. No wonder
I couldn't find it.

Hey, Wally,

let's buy Mom one of those irons

you pour water in
and it makes steam.

Beaver, it's her birthday.

You can't give her
junk to make her work.

Well, all right.

Then let's give her... a plant.

Nah.

Nah, then she'd
have to water it,

and if she forgot, it would
die and she'd feel bad.

Well, okay. You go
ahead and think of stuff,

and I'll tell you
why it's no good.

All right.

All right, we'll buy
her a fountain pen.

That's dumb.

Well, um, how
about a nice purse?

- That's even dumber.
- Okay.

Okay, you take half the money
and buy her what you want,

and I'll take half the money
and buy her what I want.

All right, and I bet I buy her
something better than you do.

- Bet you don't!
- I'll bet I do!

Boy, Beaver, there's
nothing worse in the world

than having a
little dumb brother!

Yes, there is. It's having a
big dumb brother like you!

- Aah!
- Go ahead, hit me

and make me be in the
hospital on Mom's birthday!

Ah, go on, you
little anthropoid!

I'm gonna tell Dad

you called me a dirty word
you learned in high school!

Go ahead!

Nyaah!

- Dear?
- Mm-hmm?

If we had gone out
to dinner tomorrow,

where would we have gone?

What difference does it make?

You said you
wanted to stay home.

Oh, I'd just like to know
where we're not going.

So you'll know what
clothes not to wear?

Uh-huh.

Hey, Dad, could... Oh.

Hi, Mom. Uh, are you in here?

Yes, I'm in here.

What did you want?

Well, um... Uh, Dad?

I uh... It's about the car.
I was just looking at it,

and, uh, it looks like one of
the tires is going kind of flat.

Well, is it flat?

Well, no. Uh, but
I just looked at it,

and it looks like
you should look at it.

Oh. Oh, all right.
I'll be right out.

There. That'll hold it.

What is it, Wally?

Well, uh, it's nothing
about the tire, Dad.

Uh, I just wanted to show
you this present I got for Mom.

Pretty neat, huh?

Yeah, that's a very
attractive box. Anything in it?

Huh?

Oh, well, sure, Dad.

It's a wallet, and it's pigskin,
and it's got her initials on it,

and there's a card to fill
out in case she gets run over.

Oh, well, uh, I think

that's a very nice present
for you and Beaver to give her.

Yeah, well, uh,

we, uh, didn't get
it together, Dad.

We split up the money

and I got this, and Beaver
went down to get his own present.

I hate to see you two competing,
Wally. What'd you fight about?

Nothing, Dad.

But if he tells you I
called him an anthropoid,

it's nothing bad. You don't
have to look it up or anything.

It just means ape.

Thank you, Wally.

What'd it look like?

- Huh?
- The tire.

Oh. Oh, uh, fine.

It won't stay closed.

Yeah, well, you're
not closing it right.

Gee, Mom, can't you
think of something?

Well, now, let me think.

Gee, Mrs. Mondello,

if it was your birthday,
what would you like?

Well, I'd just like
Larry to be a good boy.

That's no help, Mom.
That's just corny.

Now, Larry!

I've got to have something
for my mother by tomorrow.

Well, if it was me,

I'd just like a nice
blouse, that's what I'd like.

Where do you get one?

Most any store.

Could you come with us
and help Beaver buy it, Mom?

Oh, I'd like to, Larry,

but you know your
father's out of town again,

and I have to wait for his call.

What's he calling for this time?

Well, he just wants to know

that we're all well and happy,

and to tell me where
to send his laundry.

Don't you want to stay
and say hello, Larry?

Well, gee.

Every time I do,

he asks me how
I'm doing in school,

and then he starts
hollering at me.

Well, perhaps you'd better
run along with Beaver.

Well, good-bye, Mrs. Mondello,

and thank you very much.

Now, you see, Larry?

Why can't you be a nice,
polite little boy like Theodore?

Well, heck, Mom,

I'm polite at other
people's houses too.

Boy, we're lucky to get here

when they're having
a sale, huh, Beaver?

Yeah.

Did you ever buy anything
at this store, Larry?

Yeah. I once bought my father

a neat tie pin for a quarter,

but all the diamonds fell out.

Oh.

Little boy, would you please

not eat your candy
bar over the blouses?

- Yes, ma'am.
- We want to buy one.

- For your girlfriend, sonny?
- No, for my mother.

- It's her birthday.
- What size is your mother?

She comes up to
about here on my father.

She looks kind of like you,

only she's got a different head.

Uh, well, she's probably a 32.

Now, this is a very
serviceable model.

She can wear it at
home or the office.

My mother doesn't
have an office.

She just has a writing
pad in the kitchen.

Hey, here's a neat one, Beaver.

Oh, this is our exquisite
la Parisian model.

- Look, it's got oil wells on it.
- That's the Eiffel Tower.

It has 16 authentic
Parisian landmarks.

Boy, Beaver.

French stuff is the most
ritzy stuff you can get.

I'll take it, lady.

That'll be $1.98.

Shall I put it in a bag for you?

No, you'd better gift-wrap it
on account of it's her birthday.

I'll take it to the wrapping
counter, but that'll be 25 cents extra.

What do you think, Larry?

Well, sure, get it gift-wrapped.

You can't put a beautiful thing
like that in an old paper bag.

Okay, lady.

Boy, Larry, we're sure lucky we
came into a ritzy store like this.

Yeah. Hey, while we're
waiting for your package,

let's go watch the
man paint the turtles.

Okay.

Oh, Ward, it's just lovely.

I told you not to make a fuss.

You did? Must've
slipped my mind.

I saw that watch on television.

It runs underwater
and everything.

- Here, Mom.
- Thank you.

The package is kind of messy.

I opened it up this morning to
make sure it was still in there.

Oh, Wally, how nice!

Yeah, and it's got
your initials on it.

And that thing that looks
like money, it's a guarantee.

Thank you, Wally.

Here's mine, Mom.

- My, what a lovely package.
- Sure, Mom.

Hey, look. A tablecloth.

It is not a tablecloth!
It's a blouse!

Why, Beaver, it's...
It's just beautiful.

Isn't it, Ward?

Oh, uh... Oh, yes.
It's a real knockout.

Those things there,
they're just not oil wells.

That's a big tower
they've got in Paris.

Do you like it Mom?
Huh? Do you really?

Beaver, I think it was very
sweet of you to buy it for me.

Yeah, well, suppose you fellas

take these plates out
to the kitchen now, huh?

Sure, Dad.

Oh, and it's got a secret compartment
in there, Mom, in case you get held up.

Well, thank you, Wally.

Did you ever see
anything like it?

Not this side of
the Fiji Islands.

Ward, who would sell a
child a ghastly thing like this?

Some tool of big
business, no doubt.

Boy, Beaver,

where did you ever get a
creepy present like that?

You're just saying that

'cause it's better than
that goofy present of yours.

Ha.

I wouldn't be surprised

if Mom stopped having
birthdays after that.

Well, she said it was beautiful.

She just said that not
to hurt your feelings.

Rat! Rat! Rat!

Rat!

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

I want to thank all of you

for giving me such
a happy birthday.

Sure, Mom.

Are you gonna wear
my blouse tonight?

Well, no, Beaver.

I think I should save it
for special occasions.

Don't you, Ward?

Oh, yes, sir.

Then you can wear it tomorrow,

'cause tomorrow's
a special occasion.

Don't you remember, Mom?

That Mothers Club tea
at Mrs. Harrison's house.

I brought home that card

saying you would
or you wouldn't come,

and you X'd off that you would.

That's right, Beaver, but, uh...

well, I don't know if the blouse

would be right to wear
to that kind of a meeting.

Then Wally's right.
You don't like it.

Of course I do, Beaver.

Why, I think it's beautiful.

Then why won't you wear it?

Well...

Well, all right, Beaver.

I will wear it to the meeting.

Beaver! Beaver,
your bus is here!

Thanks, Dad.

Mom! Hey, Mom!

Boy, Mom, you sure look neat.

Be sure and tell all the
mothers I gave it to you.

Bye!

Bye.

Hey, Dad, could I have
30 cents for Mr. Griffin?

Mr. Griffin, your
biology teacher?

Somebody dropped a
plastic heart he uses in class

on the floor and smashed it.

The whole class
has got to chip in.

Well, I guess I can
donate 30 cents

to mend Mr. Griffin's
broken heart.

Thanks, Dad.

Hey, Mom,

are you really gonna wear
that thing in front of people?

Yes, I told Beaver
I'd wear it to the tea.

Boy, you've sure got nerve.

Ward, what's the matter?

Look what's printed
here... "Ooo-la-la."

June, this is just too
much for the Mothers Club.

Dear, I told Beaver
that I'd wear it.

Look, why don't you go upstairs
and put on something else.

Then when you come home,
you can put this back on.

That sounds so underhanded.

It's not gonna hurt
the Beaver any.

And anyway, if he realized
how ridiculous it looks,

he wouldn't want you
to be embarrassed.

I suppose you're right.

Dear, do you think Beaver's
taste will ever improve?

Oh, I wouldn't worry about that.

When I was about his age, I
gave my mom a cactus lamp

with a rattlesnake shade.

Ooo-la-la!

Children, we want to
try that last part again.

♪

♪ With an oink-oink here
and an oink-oink there ♪

♪ Here an oink, there an
oink, everywhere an oink-oink ♪

♪ Old MacDonald had a farm ♪

♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪

Why, that was fine, children.

Do you see what we can
do when we concentrate?

Yes, Miss Landers.

Yes, Judy?

Miss Landers, Larry was
making noises during the song.

Larry, were you making noises?

No, Miss Landers.
Those were my oinks.

Well, you just
make sure they are.

Yes, Miss Landers.

Now, class, remember

we'll all assemble in the
playground right after lunch.

Yes, Whitey?

Do we come back
from Mrs. Harrison's,

or do our mothers
get to keep us?

No, the bus will
bring us back here.

Yes, Miss Landers.

There are a few
minutes till lunchtime,

but I think we can go
to the cafeteria now.

Yes, Miss Landers.

All right. Class dismissed.

Hey, Larry.

My mother's gonna be there,

and she's gonna be
wearing the blouse.

Boy, that's swell, Beaver.

Is your mother gonna be there?

She said she would if she
gets over her nervous headache.

Gee, how'd she get a headache?

It's from yelling at my sister.

What was she
yelling at her about?

I don't know. If it's
not me, I don't listen.

- Hello.
- Hello.

- Nice to see you.
- Doesn't Mrs. Harrison
have a lovely home?

Oh, yes. It's very attractive.

It's a shame Mrs.
Mondello couldn't be here.

Yes, she was going to
pick me up, but she phoned.

I think she's a little bit
upset about her daughter.

- Yes. She's 18, isn't she?
- Yes.

Ladies, may I have
your attention, please?

We have a very lovely
surprise for you this afternoon.

A group of children from the
school is going to entertain us.

Now, if you'll just
take seats around.

That's it.

Why, it's our boys.

All right. Now, pay
attention, children.

♪ La ♪

♪ Old MacDonald had a farm ♪

♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪

♪ And on his farm
he had some chicks ♪

♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪

♪ With a chick-chick here
and a chick-chick there ♪

♪ Here a chick, there a chick,
everywhere a chick-chick ♪

♪ Old MacDonald had a farm ♪

♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪

♪ And on his farm
he had some ducks ♪

♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪

♪ With a quack-quack here
and a quack-quack there ♪

♪ Here a quack, there a quack,
everywhere a quack-quack ♪

♪ Old MacDonald had a farm ♪

♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪

- Hi, Mom.
- Hello, Wally.

How was the tea?

Fine.

Is the Beaver upstairs?

Uh-uh. He hasn't come home yet.

Wally, I did a terrible thing.

Did you bang up the car?

No.

I didn't wear Beaver's
blouse to the tea,

and they brought his class over
from the school to sing for the mothers.

Yeah?

Well, he saw me
sitting there with this on.

Boy! What did he
do? Burst out bawling?

No.

He wouldn't even look at me.

I felt just terrible. I couldn't
speak to him or explain or anything.

He should've been
home an hour ago.

You don't suppose
he's run away, do you?

Nah.

Nah, Dad's taking him to
the basketball game Saturday.

He wouldn't run
away till after that.

- Hi, Beav.
- Hello, Wally.

Hello, Beaver.

I thought your
class sang very well.

Thank you very much, Mother.

- He's upset, isn't he?
- Well, sure.

How would you like it if your
mother went and double-crossed you?

Wally, I just don't
know what to say to him.

Well, um, maybe you'd just better
go up there and tell him you're sorry.

That might help a little.

I think I'll wait and have
your father speak to him.

Well, heck, Mom. You
don't have to be chicken.

He's just a little kid.

Wally, that's what
makes it so hard.

Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.

- Hello, Wally.
- Hi, Dad.

Aren't you gonna
ruin your supper?

Gee, how could I, Dad?
Supper's not for an hour yet.

- Where's your mother?
- She's upstairs talking
to the Beaver.

Is there something wrong.

Well, instead of
that weird blouse,

she wore a dress to
the Mothers Club tea.

Then they dragged the
Beaver in there to sing,

and he nailed her.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

She's up there
squaring it with him now.

Maybe I'd better go
up and see if I can help.

She's okay, Dad. I told
her a bunch of stuff to say.

Well, thanks, Wally.

Beaver,

I wouldn't hurt your
feelings for anything.

You already said that.

- But I didn't think
you heard me.
- I heard you, Mom.

You believe me, don't you?

I don't know.

How come you didn't wear the
blouse when you said you would?

Well, Beaver, I didn't really
think it was the right thing to wear.

You hated it.
You really hated it.

Beaver, I didn't hate it at all.

Why did you say
it was beautiful?

Beaver, there are certain
things people say to be kind.

If you were being kind,

how come I feel so awful?

Don't you see why
I said what I said?

Look, Beaver.

You're my little boy,
and you gave it to me.

You mean you made up a lie?

Well... If I did it,
I'd get punished.

Well, Beaver, you
see, as you get older,

you learn how to
spare people's feelings

by not always
saying what you feel.

- Oh.
- Look, if you were
on the street

and you saw a funny-looking man,

you wouldn't go
up to him and say

"You're a funny-looking
man," would you?

Uh-uh.

He might hit me.

No, Beaver.

You wouldn't tell him that

because you wouldn't
want to hurt his feelings.

Isn't that it?

- Yeah, I guess so.
- All right.

You were so happy
about giving me the blouse

that I just couldn't
hurt your feelings.

So I said that I liked it
out of kindness and love.

Do you understand this, Beaver?

Yeah, kind of.

I guess I'm not a very
good blouse picker-outer.

Well, I just hope you
see why I did what I did.

Yeah.

Sometimes, when I come home,

I say I've been a lot
better in school than I have

because I don't want
you not to love me.

Well, I feel the same
way about you, Beaver.

But you know, Beaver,

there's one thing I
shouldn't have done.

I shouldn't have told
you I'd wear the blouse

and then not go through with it.

I hope you'll
forgive me for that.

Sure, Mom.

Well, a guy can't never
not forgive his mother.

Hey, Larry, do you want
to play some baseball?

Yeah, after we get
something to eat.

If my brother Wally's home,

we'll get him to
hit us some flies.

I thought you were
mad at your brother.

What about?

What about?

You had that whole
big fight with him

about buying your
mom a birthday present.

You told me you were never
gonna speak to him again.

Yeah, but you know how it is.

You can be mad at
your brother one day,

and the next day you forget
what you were mad about.

Yeah.

Yeah, but it's
different with sisters.

I can be mad at my
sister for a whole week.

That's because
sisters are girls.

Yeah.

Hey, Larry, your father
got home from Cincinnati.

What did he say to your sister

for giving your mother
a nervous headache?

Boy, it was neat.

He got her in the living
room and really yelled at her.

No fooling?

Yeah!

Yeah, but now my mother's
got another headache

from listening
to my father yell.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA