Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 3, Episode 12 - Beaver the Magician - full transcript

Starring...

and...

What are you doing, Mom?

We're going to clean up
our room over the weekend.

I'm just packing the
Beaver's suitcase.

Your father's gonna drive
up up tonight so he can spend

a nice weekend with Aunt Martha.

Oh. Uh, well, do I have to
spend a nice weekend, too?

No. She just asked the Beaver.

Wally, can you tell me what
these dirty shirts of the Beaver's

are doing in here on the floor?



Well, sure. When he takes
them off, he throws them in there.

Well, heck, Mom. You're always
telling us to keep our room clean.

Hey, Larry.

Hey, Beaver, I didn't know
you were so good looking.

Hey! Let's buy some
of these rubber bugs

and scare the girls with them.

Why buy rubber bugs when
you can scare girls with real ones?

Yeah.

- Hey, Larry, look.
- Aw, that's no good.

It doesn't have
any blood with it.

Hey!

Let's buy this.

All right. What is it?

I don't know. Maybe it
squirts ink or something.



Boy, that's neat!
Hey, Uncle Artie!

- Yes, boys?
- How much is this?

Just $3.50.

- What do you think, Larry?
- I don't think so.

Say, Larry, don't you feel uncomfortable
with that egg behind your ear?

- What egg?
- Why, this egg right here.

I'll bet you had it in
your hand all the time.

Mumbo-jumbo squiggly.
What hand was that, Beaver?

How do you do it, Uncle Artie?

Very simple. You just find a boy

with an egg behind his ear.

How do you like this one?

Both together,
huh? All right. Now,

mumbo-jumbo-presto... squiggly.

Boy, how much is that?

- Just $5.98.
- What do you think, Beaver?

That's kind of more
than we've got to spend.

Hmm. Well, how much
do you have to spend?

All together,
we've got 15 cents.

Well, wait a minute.

How about this one?

Now, watch. See the penny?

We put it in.
Mumbo-jumbo-presto.

Watch now.

- How's that?
- We'll take that!

Wait a minute, Larry.

If we spend the whole 15 cents,

we won't have a
penny to put in the slot.

Then I'll just have
to make you a penny.

There you are.

Thank you, boys.

You can have dibs
on it first, Beaver.

- Then I get to use it.
- Okay.

Hey, Larry, instead of a penny,

we could do the
trick with a dime.

If you disappeared it and
you couldn't get it back,

you'd be out a whole dime.

Yeah.

- Hi, Dad.
- Oh, hello there, Beaver.

- You want to see
a magic trick?
- Your neck's clean.

Naw, Dad. Look.

Mumbo-jumbo squiggly!

Well, Beaver, that's quite a piece
of magic you have there, isn't it?

Aw, Dad, you know the trick.

Well, you know, I
was a kid once myself.

Hey, Mom, you want to
see a real neat magic trick?

Well, all right.

Well, isn't that nice?

I can make the penny come back.

Fine. Don't want you
being careless with money.

Sure, Mom.

Hey, Wally, want to see a trick?

You mean that trick?

Yeah. That's the trick.

Ward?

You're not gonna put those dirty
logs in my clean fireplace, are you?

You want me to take them
up and give them a bath?

Well, just be careful.

Dear, what time are you taking
Beaver up to Aunt Martha's?

Right after supper. I
just saw him outside.

He's sitting on the front steps
looking forlorn and rejected.

Why would he be acting that way?

You don't suppose the
prospect of a happy weekend

with your Aunt Martha
has got him down, do you?

Ward,

I'll match my Aunt Martha
with your Uncle Billy any day.

Uh, not right now.

I have to go put
these in the fireplace.

- Hi, Beav.
- Hi, Larry.

Did you try the trick on
anybody? Did you? Huh?

I tried it on everybody.

How did it work?

Not so good.

I think it's one of those secret
tricks that everybody knows.

Hey, maybe we should've

bought that arrow that
goes through your head.

At least I could've
scared my mother.

Hi, Beaver. Hi, Larry.

- Hi, Benjy.
- What are you doing
with the can, Benjy?

- Catching ants.
- What do you catch ants for?

I talk to them.

Hey, Benjy, you want to
see a real neat magic trick?

Sure, I do. I like
to see that stuff.

- See that penny?
- Yeah, I see that penny.

Beaver's gonna make the
penny disappear into nothing.

Watch, Benjy.

Mumbo-jumbo squiggly!

Boy!

Now make it disappear back.

Squiggly jumbo-mumbo!

How do you do that, Beaver?

Magicians aren't suppose to
tell how they do stuff, Benjy.

Yeah. Beaver and I can make

this whole house
disappear if we wanted to.

Let's see you!

Well, we can't do it now,

on account of my mom
and dad are in there.

Yeah. Yeah, and Beaver
needs them for later on.

Oh.

Hey, Benjy,

if you come back later, we'll
show you a real big, neat trick.

Okay.

We're coming back later.

Hey, Larry, what's
this big, neat trick?

I haven't thought of it yet,

but we ought to be able to
fool a kid who talks to ants.

Hey, Mom, what's all that junk?

Oh, I have some clean shirts

and two more pairs
of socks for the Beaver.

Well, gee, Mom,

you'd think he was going
to the moon or something.

Well, I want him to look
right at Aunt Marth's.

Sure.

Hey, you know what she does to
him when she gets him up there?

She drags him around and shows
him to a lot of other old ladies.

- Wally...
- I'm sorry, Mom,
but that's what she does.

Hey, Mom, is the
Beaver still moping around

about having to go tonight?

Certainly not. He's
playing with Larry.

They came in a little while
ago and borrowed a blanket.

Oh. They're probably
making a tent or something.

What are you writing
on the football?

I'm signing it "Johnny Unitas."

Why don't you sign
your own name?

Well, heck, Mom.
Whoever heard of me?

That's right, Benjy.

I'm gonna make Beaver
disappear with magic

and turn him into a rock.

Yeah. He's gonna hocus-pocus me.

Let's see you do it.

You've got to stand over here.

- Are you ready?
- Yes, I'm ready.

Mumbo... jumbo...
squiggledy, alakazam...

Beaver is a rock!

- Is that Beaver?
- Well, sure.

Change him back!

Don't you want me to change him

into an old stick
or something first?

Uh-uh! Change
him back to Beaver!

Well, sure.

Larry! Larry, you out there?

Yes, Mrs. Cleaver.

Larry, your mother just called.

You should've been
home an hour ago.

Gee, I forgot!

You'd better go right home.
She sounded pretty angry.

Yes, Mrs. Cleaver.
Thank you, Mrs. Cleaver.

Change him back to Beaver!

I got to get home, Benjy.

Come on, Beaver!

I'll take you home with me.

Why, Benjy, haven't
you gone to sleep yet?

Uh-uh.

- You feel all right?
- Sure.

- What's the matter then?
- Nothing.

Benjy, what is that
rock doing in your bed?

It's not a rock.

- Of course it's a rock.
- Uh-uh.

Well, what is it then, dear?

Beaver.

Beaver? Beaver Cleaver?

Honey, I don't know what those boys
you've been playing with have told you,

but this is just a plain, ordinary
rock... Beaver's at home.

Uh-uh. A fat kid changed him.

Oh, now, honey, if the boys
told you that they changed Beaver

into this rock, they
were just fooling.

I saw them! It is too Beaver!

Well, if you want to sleep
with a rock in your bed, you can,

but first thing
tomorrow morning,

we're gonna go over to the
Cleavers, and you can see for yourself

that Beaver's at his own house.

- Okay.
- All righty.

We've got to go to
sleep now, Beaver.

Well, you finally woke up.

Well, I'm tired. It was a long drive
back from your Aunt Martha's last night.

Was Beaver glad to see her?

Was he polite and courteous?

Oh, sure. After the long ride, he
was too tired to be anything else.

- Shouldn't Wally be up by now?
- He was up at 7:30.

He and Eddie Haskell
went to the home show.

Home show?

Well, there's a rumor around

that they're hiring boys to
count the people going in.

Well, it's awfully early. I
wonder who that can be?

Well, Mrs. Bellamy. Come
on in. Hello there, Benjy.

I won't take a moment
of your time, Mrs. Cleaver,

but would you ask Beaver to come
to the door so Benjy can see him?

Well, I'm afraid
that Beaver's gone

to spend the
weekend with his aunt.

Is there anything I can do?

Oh... Now, dear, listen to me.

You heard Mrs. Cleaver say

that Beaver has
gone to visit his aunt.

Uh-uh.

Honey, Mrs. Cleaver's
a grown-up lady.

She wouldn't tell
a fib to a little boy.

Beaver got changed.

I just don't know what to do.
He's so upset this morning.

Uh, won't you come in?

Well, what's the
trouble, Mrs. Bellamy?

Well, it seems as though Beaver
and some other little boy told Benjamin

that they were gonna
transform Beaver into a rock.

And as far as Benjy's
concerned, they did it.

I seen them!

Uh, is, uh... Is that...

Yes. He thinks this is your son.

Well, thank you, Benjy.

Um, Benjy, now, I
want you to listen to me.

If that rock were really Beaver,

Beaver's mother and I would
be very worried, wouldn't we?

But we're not worried.
You know why?

Because we know
exactly where Beaver is.

Me, too.

Do you want to go without
television for a whole week, Benjamin?

Uh-uh.

Then stop saying
that rock is Beaver.

Oh, I'm sorry,

but I thought maybe a
little firmness might help.

I've tried everything else.

Benjy... Benjy, exactly how

did the boys
change Beaver into...

into this?

First they changed the penny.

Then they changed Beaver.

Uh, Benjy,

how would you like to
actually talk to Beaver?

- Okay.
- Fine.

That's exactly what
you're gonna do.

I think you had
Beaver upside-down.

Oh, hello, Martha. This is Ward.

Yes, Ward? Is anything wrong?

No, no, there's
nothing wrong at all.

Beaver behaving himself?

Oh, yes.

Fine. Listen, Martha, I wonder if you
could put him on the phone for a minute.

Why, of course, Ward.

We've just put on our
clean socks. I'll call him.

That was Beaver's aunt. She's
calling Beaver to the phone.

There. You see, dear?

Everything's gonna be all right.

Oh, hi, Beaver? Listen, son.

I don't have time
for long explanations,

but I just want you to say a
few words to Benjy Bellamy.

Gee, Dad, how come?

He thinks you've been
changed into a rock,

and I want him to know
that you haven't been.

Huh?

Look, son, I'll explain later.

Just say something to him, huh?

Here. Beaver
wants to talk to you.

- Hi, Benjy.
- Hi, Beaver.

- How are you?
- Fine.

- Well, so am I.
- Good.

Yeah.

Well, uh, good-bye, Benjy.

Good-bye, Beaver.

There! Now do you understand
that Beaver wasn't turned into a rock?

Uh-uh.

But, honey, you
just talked to him.

Uh, Benjy, you believe that was
Beaver's voice you heard, don't you?

- Sure.
- Then where do you
think he is?

In heaven.

I'm terribly sorry,
Mrs. Bellamy.

I'm sure you are, Mrs. Cleaver.

- Tell them.
- Tell them what?

Benjy wants me to tell you
to be sure and feed Beaver.

He couldn't find his mouth.

- Hi, Mom.
- Hello, Wally.

Eddie and I didn't get the job.

What job?

Counting people
at the home show.

Oh.

Yeah. That guy said you've got to
be a college graduate to count people.

What's the matter, Mom?

Well, yesterday,
Beaver and Larry

played some kind
of a trick on Benjy.

They turned Beaver into a rock.

Oh, yeah. The Beav said
they were gonna do that.

- Boy, what a goofy thing.
- Well, it's not so goofy.

Benjy's convinced they did
change Beaver into a rock,

and his mother's terribly upset.

Why, we even had
Beaver talk to Benjy

all the way from Aunt Martha's,
and he's still not convinced.

Ah, heck, Mom. Don't worry.

You get that little Benjy over
here. I'll straighten him out.

Do you really think you can?

Well, sure, Mom.

If you're gonna
stay ahead of kids,

you've got to be
smarter than they are.

Now, you watch, Benjy. We're gonna
show you how come this isn't Beaver.

Okay, Larry, go ahead.

Now, it looks like
Larry's gone, huh, Benjy?

Yeah!

That's Larry, huh?

Change him back!

Okay, Larry, come on out.

Now, you see how
they did it, Benjy?

Sure!

It was just a trick, huh, Benjy?

Sure!

Now change this into Beaver.

Uh, well, Benjy,

he can't change this into Beaver
because Beaver's at his Aunt Martha's.

Take it easy, Benjy.

Aunt Martha, I'm awfully sorry,

but Ward's up
there to get him now.

Theodore is just gonna
have to come home!

Why, I never heard
of anything like this!

Why doesn't somebody go to that
boy and say, "Look here, little fellow,

"We're not going to have
any more of this nonsense

about Theodore being a rock"?

Aunt Martha, we've tried that.

We've tried everything.

He's just going to have
to come home with Ward.

Benjy absolutely thinks
that Beaver is a rock.

Very well, June.

But in my day,
our parents told us

what to think and
what not to think.

Yes, Aunt Martha. Thank you.

And I'm awfully sorry
this has upset you.

Good-bye.

What's the matter, Mom?

Did Aunt Martha flip her lid?

Wally, you get
right out of here!

Sure, Mom. Sure. I
was just trying to help.

Boy, what a day.

Mrs. Bellamy said we
shouldn't have brought Beaver

all the way home
from Aunt Martha's,

but I'm sure she was pleased.

We couldn't very well
let it stay the way it was.

- Is he over there now?
- Yes.

I wonder how he's making out.

I don't know.

But I don't imagine there are too many
ways to tell somebody you're not a rock.

Benjy, Beaver's here.

- Come on, Beaver.
- Hi, Beaver.

Uh, this isn't me.

Yeah!

Uh, you want it?

Uh-uh. We got lots of rocks.

Uh, Benjy,

me and Larry don't
know how to change kids

into rocks or
sticks or anything.

Yeah, you climbed
in that wood box.

Well, gee, whiz!

If you knew how we did that trick,
how come I had to come home?

Because I used
to didn't know it.

Well, I'm sorry I scared
you and everything,

but it's dumb to
be scared of stuff.

Yeah, how about tigers?

Well, tigers are pretty
good to be scared of

if they're walking around loose.

So if you ever see a tiger,
get on a bus or something.

Okay.

How about giants?

They don't have
giants anymore, Benjy.

Yeah. How about the tooth fairy?

You're scared
of the tooth fairy?

I think so.

Well, gee, that's goofy.

'Cause my brother says by
the time all your teeth fall out,

you don't believe in
the tooth fairy anymore.

Yeah.

Well, I've got to get home now.

- Bye, Beaver.
- So long, Benjy.

I'm glad you're
not a rock anymore.

Me, too.

So you finally got that Benjy
straightened out, huh, Beav?

Yeah. He knows
now I'm not a rock.

Boy, what a goofy thing, to
believe something like that.

Gee, Wally.

When you're a kid, you're
allowed to believe all kinds of stuff.

Ahh.

Didn't you ever believe
goofy stuff and be scared of it?

Well, uh... Well, maybe once.

What was it?

Heck, if I tell you, you'll
just go and tell all the guys.

No, I won't. But if
you don't tell me,

I'll make up something you were
scared of and tell all the guys.

Well, okay.

- But if I tell you, you'd
better not say anything.
- I won't, I won't.

Well, when I was a little kid,

there was this wooden Indian
out in front of the cigar store.

I used to always be
afraid to walk past it.

How come?

Well, I always thought
it was a real Indian

just pretending to
be made out of wood

so it could scalp kids when
no grownups were around.

Yeah. Sometimes I'm
still scared of statues.

You know, Beav, you shouldn't have
pulled that junk on Benjy and scared him.

You know, you're right, Wally.

If you've been scared yourself,

you shouldn't go around
being scary to other kids.

Yeah.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA