Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 2, Episode 9 - The Pipe - full transcript
On his trip to Germany, Mr. Rutherford purchases a Meerschaum pipe. Mr. Rutherford gives it to Ward as a gift, and Ward shows it off to his family. Later, Beaver and Larry Mondello are playing when they go inside the house and look at the pipe. Larry suggests that it would be a good idea to experiment with smoking, and Beaver agrees. They first try smoking coffee beans and later ashes found in the ashtrays around the house. Beaver and Larry don't like the effects of their first smoke and vow not to smoke again. After cleaning out the pipe, they replace it in the cabinet. However, when Ward takes the pipe out, he notices someone had tried (not too well) to clean it and immediately fingers teen-aged Wally as the culprit. He takes Wally aside and asks him why he smoked the pipe. Of course, Wally denies the accusation; downstairs, June and Beaver are talking about why Wally is being lectured on the evils of smoking. After Ward comes down and remarks that Wally is being told to stay in his room (indefinitely, if need be), Beaver confesses that he and Larry smoked the pipe. Ward is upset and, after telling Beaver he will need to be punished (for doing something that could have had serious consequences, besides the health ones), he will need to find a way to apologize to Wally. Beaver suggests he should be the one to say, "I'm sorry."
Leave It To Beaver.
Starring Barbara Billingsley,
Hugh Beaumont,
Tony Dow...
and Jerry Mathers...
as the Beaver.
Hello?
Oh, hello, Larry.
Well, Beaver's out in the
garage right now with his father.
A big, mysterious box arrived from
Germany, and we're out there opening it up.
Hmm?
Well, no, Larry, I don't think
it's full of hand grenades.
All right. I'll have
him call you later.
Good-bye.
This box is from
Mr. and Mrs. Rutherford.
Gee, Dad. Do we have to do that?
Couldn't we just smash it
open? Patience, Beaver.
This box was sent to us
all the way from Germany.
"Fabrikaten Industrie,
Frankfurt, Germany."
Hey, maybe it's
full of frankfurters.
Ah, cut it out, Beave.
Frankfurt's a town in Germany.
Yeah. In school, we don't
get Germany till next year.
You remember when the
Rutherfords went to Mexico last year?
They sent us those
crazy bedroom slippers.
Yes, I remember it very well.
Every time it rains,
mine kinda smell.
Did you get it open?
We're getting to it.
It'd be funny if there was
nothin' in there but German hay.
Hey, what a weird lookin’ pipe.
No, it's a meerschaum.
Fred sent it to all of us.
How thoughtful of him.
I wonder if it'll smell
when it rains too.
Well, here's a
card, Dad. Ah. Ah.
Yeah, it's from Fred
and Gwendolyn.
"Mrs. R. and I thought
this an interesting curio.
"Genuine hand-carved meerschaum,
"and thus will acquire a
rubescent chromaticity with use.
Or, as the natives would
say, when it is 'geshmoken.'"
Oh, brother!
Hey, Wally, it's not guns or anything.
Let's go see if our egg softened up yet.
Hey, wait a minute,
boys. I wanted to ask you...
Why are you soaking that
egg in a glass of vinegar?
Well, I read somewhere, when it gets soft
enough, you can push it into a milk bottle.
Well, why do you want
an egg in a milk bottle?
'Cause no one else has
one. Come on, Wally.
Now, why would Fred
send us something like that?
He knows I don't smoke a pipe. Well,
maybe we could use it as a candy dish.
Well, it probably has
some sort of antique value.
I guess we could put it on a shelf
somewhere where it won't get broken.
What's all this about
"rubescent chromaticity"?
Well, it's a meerschaum. That means
when you smoke it, the bowl turns brown.
Well, this is one fräulein
that's not gonna "geshmoken" it.
There it is, Larry.
Hey, Beaver, that's pretty neat
comin' all the way from Germany.
What is it, a German saxophone?
No, it's a pipe. I think it's a
"mesherschmitt" or somethin'.
Yeah, it's a pipe all right.
It sure is a lot of pipe.
Yeah, it's a genuine one.
Hey, Beaver,
let's try smokin' it.
Smoke it?
You mean us? Sure.
Well, gee.
I'm not supposed
to smoke till I'm 21.
But if you wait till then and
you find out you don't like it,
look at all the time you wasted.
Gee. Well, I don't
wanna get in trouble.
But you said your pop's at the
office and your mom's out shoppin'.
Yeah, but what if Wally
came in and caught us?
He's out playin' basketball.
And if there's no one here to
catch us, then it's all right to do it.
But we don't have
any smoke stuff.
Sure we have. Come
on in the kitchen.
What are we gonna get, Larry? What
are we gonna get? You'll see. You'll see.
Larry, think we got
enough coffee in there?
Sure, we have.
Do you know how to smoke, Larry?
Sure.
It's just like blowin' bubbles,
only you breathe the other way.
Now give me a match.
Well, isn't there any
other way we could light it?
I'm not supposed
to touch matches.
Okay, Beaver. I'll light
it, and you watch me.
It doesn't smell so good.
It doesn't taste so good either.
It smells awful.
It tastes awful.
Here, Beaver, you try it.
What's the matter?
Well, I just remembered,
my parents don't let
me have coffee either.
I bet you wouldn't smoke
it if we had real tobacco.
I bet you I would too.
If I got some real tobacco,
would you smoke it?
I might, but right now, I think we
better get this mess cleaned up.
I think it's just about time for
my brother to be coming home.
Okay, but I still
think you're a scared.
Well, uh, I think I'll
go brush my teeth.
Hey, Beaver. What?
Your shirt kinda
smells like coffee.
- My shirt?
- Yeah, your shirt.
Well, uh,
me and Larry, we
stopped at the soda store.
And I must've spilled
some coffee ice cream on it.
I guess it's one of those
new flavors they got.
Admiring your memento
of the fatherland?
You know, this bowl
is a little brown already.
And it's, uh— It's got
a peculiar smell to it.
I hadn't noticed it before.
Smells a little
like burnt coffee.
You don't suppose Fred could have
sent you a secondhand pipe, do you?
I don't know.
I've always been a little
suspicious of those slippers.
Hi, Larry. Hi, Beaver.
Is there anybody home? Uh-uh.
Mom went downtown to meet Dad.
They're lookin' at stuff to
surprise him with on his birthday.
Is your brother practicin'
basketball? Yeah. Why?
You get the pipe
out. I'll show ya.
You'll show me what?
You'll see. Get it out.
Look in here, Beaver.
What's that?
Tobacco. Real tobacco.
We had a party last
night at my house,
and I emptied all the ashtrays.
Well, that's real neat, but I
don't think we should smoke it.
What's the matter? You chicken?
You said yesterday if we had real tobacco,
you'd smoke it. You must be chicken.
No, but I don't like to
do stuff I'm told not to do.
Come on, Beaver. Are
you chicken or aren't you?
Well, I don't think I
know how to smoke.
Just put it in your mouth and
breathe. That's all there is to smokin'.
You wanna try it again?
I don't think so. How
do you feel, Beaver?
Pretty good.
You wanna smoke it again?
No, I don't think
I feel that good.
Me neither.
I feel like I wanna go home.
What's the matter?
My stomach feels like it
doesn't want to stay there.
I don't want to
stay here either.
- I'm goin' home, Beaver.
- Well, what about this mess?
You better clean it up before
they find out you been smokin'.
- Yeah.
- So long, Beaver.
So long, Larry.
Well, hi, Wally.
What are you doin'?
Oh, I'm chasin' a fly.
This isn't bug spray.
This is the stuff that
makes the room smell good.
Oh. Well, I must have
got the wrong one.
Hey, Beave, you
look kinda funny.
Funny how? Kinda dopey-funny.
Are you sick? No.
For lunch, I must have ate
somethin' I don't agree with.
Oh, caviar?
Deviled ham. Oh.
Do you have some new
perfume? New perfume?
Yeah. Sort of piney. Uh...
You smell like
Sequoia National Park.
Uh-uh. I'm not the
national park type.
Well, the room's full of it.
Well, I bought some
room spray but didn't use it.
Somebody must have.
I wonder if the bo...
Look at this. It's even
darker than yesterday.
Someone's scrubbed
it out with soap.
Why would anyone do that?
Oh, it's pretty obvious, dear.
Our son has been smoking.
Beaver? Oh, of
course not. Wally.
Well, he promised he wouldn't
smoke until he was old enough.
I don't think so.
Remember those cigarettes I found
out in the garage a couple of weeks ago?
Yes, but you thought some
of the workmen left those.
Now I'm not so sure.
Where are you going?
Well, upstairs, to
see Wally about this.
Ward, I think we should give
him a chance to come to us.
Come to us? Oh, come on, June.
I think I know him well enough
to count on him to do that.
June, you— Please.
Only Fred Rutherford could cause this
much trouble all the way from Germany.
There's some
more ice cream left.
Would anyone like it? I would.
For a while there, I thunk I wasn't
gonna be hungry, but now I sure am.
Well, did you boys do
anything interesting today?
Well, uh, if I did anything
interesting, I sure didn't notice it.
How about you, Wally?
Um, well, I went to school,
and then we had
basketball practice,
and then I came home,
and now I'm eatin'.
Wally, do you know
the story of Pandora?
Um, well, who's he?
No, Pandora was a girl.
And according to Greek
mythology, she was
responsible for all the
troubles of the world.
She must be kinda
like Judy Hensler.
Who’s Judy Hensler?
She causes most of
the trouble in my class.
Ward, what happened to Pandora?
Oh.
Uh, when Pandora was married, she was
given a wedding present of a lovely box...
that was, uh, like
a treasure chest.
Now, she was
warned not to open it.
But like a lot of
people in the world,
her, uh, curiosity
got the better of her.
Oh, yeah. I remember
that from school.
When she opened
the box, it was full of
snakes and toads and
lizards. Stuff like that.
Gee, I hope when I get married,
somebody sends me a box full of toads.
Well, the, uh, snakes and toads were
just symbols of, uh, man's troubles.
The point is, it was her curiosity
that let them loose on the world.
Oh, yeah. And then her husband
came home and chopped her head off!
No, Wally. That was Bluebeard.
Oh, yeah. I think I like that story better.
Would you pass the cookies please?
- Wally— - Thanks,
Mom. Yeah, Dad?
Uh, Wally, does the
story of Pandora...
have any particular
significance for you?
Uh, you know, her curiosity and
doing things she was told not to do?
Well, gee, Dad.
We had that story
last year in school.
There's no use rememberin'
junk you already got a mark for.
- Of course not.
- Could I be excused?
I've got a lot of homework. Yes.
Me too? Yes, you too.
Well, there you are.
You were so sure he'd tell us all
about it if we just gave him a chance.
Well, we've warned him
so much about smoking,
maybe he was too ashamed to
volunteer in front of the whole family.
Well, I'll tell you
something. I'm gonna
give him just time to
get his homework done,
then I'm going upstairs and
demand that he volunteer.
Whatcha doing, Wally? I'm doin'
push-ups. What do you think?
How many can you do?
Twenty-six.
It's funny. I can only do two.
And I don't have as
much to push up as you do.
Maybe you don't have any
coordination. What's that?
Well, it's something you
get when you get older.
Like hair on your chest? Kinda.
Hey, Wally, why was Dad tellin' us
that story about that Pandora girl?
I don't know. It wasn't
funny or happy or anything.
Well, one time he told us a
whole big story about William Tell.
Turned out it was just because
we left our bike out in the rain.
We haven't done
that for a long time.
Well, he told most
of the story to me.
I think I'm supposed to have a
guilty conscience about somethin'.
What are you supposed to
have a guilty conscience about?
Well, last week in school,
me and Eddie turned off
the main hot water valve
while all the other guys
were takin' showers.
Mr. Haines caught us, but I don't
think he'd call home about that.
Uh-uh. Well, what are
you going to do, Wally?
Well, I guess I'll just have to try
to figure out what's botherin' Dad...
and then make up some
excuse for why I did it.
Yeah.
Hi, Dad.
Wally, I'd like to talk
to you about something.
You wanna talk to me too, Dad? No,
Beaver. Why don't you go on downstairs.
Maybe your mother can help
you with your spelling or something.
I'll see ya, Wally.
Yeah, I'll see ya, Beave.
Uh, Wally— Sit down.
You, uh, think a lot of
your brother, don't you?
Yeah, sure. He's
okay most of the time.
And I'm sure you wanna
set him a good example, huh?
Well, sure.
Well, Wally, your mother
and I think the world of you too,
and that's why it hurts us when
you try to hide something from us.
- Mr. Haines called you, huh?
- Mr. Haines?
Well, yeah, about
goofing up the showers?
No.
Wally, I know what
you did. But don't you
think you'd feel a
whole lot better about it...
if you just came right out
and told me all about it?
Well, gee, Dad, I'd be glad to,
but I don't know what it is you
want me to tell you that I did.
- Smoking, Wally.
- Smoking?
Smoking? Yes.
I'm afraid your brother took the pipe that
Mr. Rutherford sent to us and smoked it.
That's why your
father's so upset.
Well, how did Dad know
the pipe was smoked?
Well, because it turns
brown when you smoke it. Oh.
Well, h-how did Dad
know Wally smoked it?
Well, because Wally's at the age
where boys think it's smart to try smoking.
Mom, do you like me real good?
Of course I do, Beaver.
Would you still like me
real good if I was real bad?
Yes. But why are
you asking me all this?
Well, I can't
understand that boy.
I confronted him with it,
and he denied it point-blank.
Well, whatcha
gonna do to him, Dad?
I'm gonna make him stay in his
room all weekend if necessary...
till he makes up his mind to come
to me and admit the whole thing.
The thing I can't understand is his denying
it. It's just not like Wally at all.
No, sir. It's like me.
What?
Yes, sir. Well, I
smoked the pipe.
You, Beaver?
Yes, my friend came
over, and I showed it to him,
and he said I
shouldn't wait till I'm 21.
We tried smokin' coffee,
but that was no good,
so he emptied out some
ashtrays, and we smoked that.
And we didn't feel too good,
and my friend was Larry.
Oh, Beaver! Well, that's fine.
You not only smoked, but you went right
ahead and let me blame your brother for it.
Gee, Dad. I wouldn't
have let you blame him
if I'd have known what
you were talkin' about.
But you didn't talk about smoking.
You just talked about snakes and lizards.
Beaver, you know this
is a terrible thing you did.
Not only smoking, but
you lit matches. You've
done all the things
you've been told not to do.
I know, Mom.
And I won't ever
never do it again.
And you can lock me in my room,
and I won't do anything
bad again till I'm 21.
Beaver,
there's just one
thing I wanna know.
About this smoking,
did Larry put you up to it?
No, sir. We put
each other up to it.
Well, I'm glad you
said that at least.
All right, Beaver. You're
going to be punished,
and I'm going to call Larry's father
and see that he knows all about this.
You boys did something that
could have had very serious results.
Yes, sir.
Beaver, why in the world would
you and Larry wanna smoke?
Well, gee, Mom.
Everybody's always
sayin' how bad it is...
and tellin' kids not to do it.
And I figured, if grown-ups
said it was so bad,
there must be somethin'
real good about it.
But there wasn't. I could
hardly hold my stomach down.
Well, Beaver, strange
as it may seem,
as you grow older,
you're going to discover...
that quite a lot of things we
tell you are bad really are bad.
Yeah, Dad. I guess I
kinda found that out.
Well, I, uh, suppose
I'd better go upstairs...
and apologize to Wally.
Tell him I made a mistake.
Dad? Well, I think
I better do that.
I'm the one that got him blamed.
All right, Beaver.
Oh, Ward,
I just can't imagine the
Beaver smoking that pipe.
Or Larry either,
for that matter.
I don't think either one of them would
have done it if they'd been by themselves.
Then why would
they do it together?
I guess that's just one of the
unwritten rules of childhood...
No use doing anything bad unless
there's someone there to admire you for it.
Hey, what are you
turnin' the lights on for?
Well, I just wanted to see
if you were still mad at me.
No, I'm not mad at you.
But why would you and Larry do a
crazy thing like smoking that pipe?
I don't know.
It was there, so we smoked it.
Well, you're always
tellin' me you wanna go out
for football and stuff when
you get in high school.
Well, don't you know that
smoking could wreck you?
Gee, maybe I'm
wrecked already...
'cause I can only
do two push-ups.
No, I don't think so, Beave,
but you better watch it.
Yeah, but Dad gave
you a big bawlin' out.
Well, how come you're not mad
at me for gettin' you a bawlin' out?
Well,
you remember last summer when Dad
was goin' to work and he had a flat tire?
Yeah.
Well, I was fixin' a box, and I forgot
to pick up the nails out in the driveway.
Well, he never
found out that I did it,
so I kinda figure I had
one bawlin' out comin'.
Well, I don't remember that.
But even if you made it up,
I'm glad you did 'cause I don't like
to go to sleep with people mad at me.
Yeah.
Good night, Wally.
Good night, Beave.
Starring Barbara Billingsley,
Hugh Beaumont,
Tony Dow...
and Jerry Mathers...
as the Beaver.
Hello?
Oh, hello, Larry.
Well, Beaver's out in the
garage right now with his father.
A big, mysterious box arrived from
Germany, and we're out there opening it up.
Hmm?
Well, no, Larry, I don't think
it's full of hand grenades.
All right. I'll have
him call you later.
Good-bye.
This box is from
Mr. and Mrs. Rutherford.
Gee, Dad. Do we have to do that?
Couldn't we just smash it
open? Patience, Beaver.
This box was sent to us
all the way from Germany.
"Fabrikaten Industrie,
Frankfurt, Germany."
Hey, maybe it's
full of frankfurters.
Ah, cut it out, Beave.
Frankfurt's a town in Germany.
Yeah. In school, we don't
get Germany till next year.
You remember when the
Rutherfords went to Mexico last year?
They sent us those
crazy bedroom slippers.
Yes, I remember it very well.
Every time it rains,
mine kinda smell.
Did you get it open?
We're getting to it.
It'd be funny if there was
nothin' in there but German hay.
Hey, what a weird lookin’ pipe.
No, it's a meerschaum.
Fred sent it to all of us.
How thoughtful of him.
I wonder if it'll smell
when it rains too.
Well, here's a
card, Dad. Ah. Ah.
Yeah, it's from Fred
and Gwendolyn.
"Mrs. R. and I thought
this an interesting curio.
"Genuine hand-carved meerschaum,
"and thus will acquire a
rubescent chromaticity with use.
Or, as the natives would
say, when it is 'geshmoken.'"
Oh, brother!
Hey, Wally, it's not guns or anything.
Let's go see if our egg softened up yet.
Hey, wait a minute,
boys. I wanted to ask you...
Why are you soaking that
egg in a glass of vinegar?
Well, I read somewhere, when it gets soft
enough, you can push it into a milk bottle.
Well, why do you want
an egg in a milk bottle?
'Cause no one else has
one. Come on, Wally.
Now, why would Fred
send us something like that?
He knows I don't smoke a pipe. Well,
maybe we could use it as a candy dish.
Well, it probably has
some sort of antique value.
I guess we could put it on a shelf
somewhere where it won't get broken.
What's all this about
"rubescent chromaticity"?
Well, it's a meerschaum. That means
when you smoke it, the bowl turns brown.
Well, this is one fräulein
that's not gonna "geshmoken" it.
There it is, Larry.
Hey, Beaver, that's pretty neat
comin' all the way from Germany.
What is it, a German saxophone?
No, it's a pipe. I think it's a
"mesherschmitt" or somethin'.
Yeah, it's a pipe all right.
It sure is a lot of pipe.
Yeah, it's a genuine one.
Hey, Beaver,
let's try smokin' it.
Smoke it?
You mean us? Sure.
Well, gee.
I'm not supposed
to smoke till I'm 21.
But if you wait till then and
you find out you don't like it,
look at all the time you wasted.
Gee. Well, I don't
wanna get in trouble.
But you said your pop's at the
office and your mom's out shoppin'.
Yeah, but what if Wally
came in and caught us?
He's out playin' basketball.
And if there's no one here to
catch us, then it's all right to do it.
But we don't have
any smoke stuff.
Sure we have. Come
on in the kitchen.
What are we gonna get, Larry? What
are we gonna get? You'll see. You'll see.
Larry, think we got
enough coffee in there?
Sure, we have.
Do you know how to smoke, Larry?
Sure.
It's just like blowin' bubbles,
only you breathe the other way.
Now give me a match.
Well, isn't there any
other way we could light it?
I'm not supposed
to touch matches.
Okay, Beaver. I'll light
it, and you watch me.
It doesn't smell so good.
It doesn't taste so good either.
It smells awful.
It tastes awful.
Here, Beaver, you try it.
What's the matter?
Well, I just remembered,
my parents don't let
me have coffee either.
I bet you wouldn't smoke
it if we had real tobacco.
I bet you I would too.
If I got some real tobacco,
would you smoke it?
I might, but right now, I think we
better get this mess cleaned up.
I think it's just about time for
my brother to be coming home.
Okay, but I still
think you're a scared.
Well, uh, I think I'll
go brush my teeth.
Hey, Beaver. What?
Your shirt kinda
smells like coffee.
- My shirt?
- Yeah, your shirt.
Well, uh,
me and Larry, we
stopped at the soda store.
And I must've spilled
some coffee ice cream on it.
I guess it's one of those
new flavors they got.
Admiring your memento
of the fatherland?
You know, this bowl
is a little brown already.
And it's, uh— It's got
a peculiar smell to it.
I hadn't noticed it before.
Smells a little
like burnt coffee.
You don't suppose Fred could have
sent you a secondhand pipe, do you?
I don't know.
I've always been a little
suspicious of those slippers.
Hi, Larry. Hi, Beaver.
Is there anybody home? Uh-uh.
Mom went downtown to meet Dad.
They're lookin' at stuff to
surprise him with on his birthday.
Is your brother practicin'
basketball? Yeah. Why?
You get the pipe
out. I'll show ya.
You'll show me what?
You'll see. Get it out.
Look in here, Beaver.
What's that?
Tobacco. Real tobacco.
We had a party last
night at my house,
and I emptied all the ashtrays.
Well, that's real neat, but I
don't think we should smoke it.
What's the matter? You chicken?
You said yesterday if we had real tobacco,
you'd smoke it. You must be chicken.
No, but I don't like to
do stuff I'm told not to do.
Come on, Beaver. Are
you chicken or aren't you?
Well, I don't think I
know how to smoke.
Just put it in your mouth and
breathe. That's all there is to smokin'.
You wanna try it again?
I don't think so. How
do you feel, Beaver?
Pretty good.
You wanna smoke it again?
No, I don't think
I feel that good.
Me neither.
I feel like I wanna go home.
What's the matter?
My stomach feels like it
doesn't want to stay there.
I don't want to
stay here either.
- I'm goin' home, Beaver.
- Well, what about this mess?
You better clean it up before
they find out you been smokin'.
- Yeah.
- So long, Beaver.
So long, Larry.
Well, hi, Wally.
What are you doin'?
Oh, I'm chasin' a fly.
This isn't bug spray.
This is the stuff that
makes the room smell good.
Oh. Well, I must have
got the wrong one.
Hey, Beave, you
look kinda funny.
Funny how? Kinda dopey-funny.
Are you sick? No.
For lunch, I must have ate
somethin' I don't agree with.
Oh, caviar?
Deviled ham. Oh.
Do you have some new
perfume? New perfume?
Yeah. Sort of piney. Uh...
You smell like
Sequoia National Park.
Uh-uh. I'm not the
national park type.
Well, the room's full of it.
Well, I bought some
room spray but didn't use it.
Somebody must have.
I wonder if the bo...
Look at this. It's even
darker than yesterday.
Someone's scrubbed
it out with soap.
Why would anyone do that?
Oh, it's pretty obvious, dear.
Our son has been smoking.
Beaver? Oh, of
course not. Wally.
Well, he promised he wouldn't
smoke until he was old enough.
I don't think so.
Remember those cigarettes I found
out in the garage a couple of weeks ago?
Yes, but you thought some
of the workmen left those.
Now I'm not so sure.
Where are you going?
Well, upstairs, to
see Wally about this.
Ward, I think we should give
him a chance to come to us.
Come to us? Oh, come on, June.
I think I know him well enough
to count on him to do that.
June, you— Please.
Only Fred Rutherford could cause this
much trouble all the way from Germany.
There's some
more ice cream left.
Would anyone like it? I would.
For a while there, I thunk I wasn't
gonna be hungry, but now I sure am.
Well, did you boys do
anything interesting today?
Well, uh, if I did anything
interesting, I sure didn't notice it.
How about you, Wally?
Um, well, I went to school,
and then we had
basketball practice,
and then I came home,
and now I'm eatin'.
Wally, do you know
the story of Pandora?
Um, well, who's he?
No, Pandora was a girl.
And according to Greek
mythology, she was
responsible for all the
troubles of the world.
She must be kinda
like Judy Hensler.
Who’s Judy Hensler?
She causes most of
the trouble in my class.
Ward, what happened to Pandora?
Oh.
Uh, when Pandora was married, she was
given a wedding present of a lovely box...
that was, uh, like
a treasure chest.
Now, she was
warned not to open it.
But like a lot of
people in the world,
her, uh, curiosity
got the better of her.
Oh, yeah. I remember
that from school.
When she opened
the box, it was full of
snakes and toads and
lizards. Stuff like that.
Gee, I hope when I get married,
somebody sends me a box full of toads.
Well, the, uh, snakes and toads were
just symbols of, uh, man's troubles.
The point is, it was her curiosity
that let them loose on the world.
Oh, yeah. And then her husband
came home and chopped her head off!
No, Wally. That was Bluebeard.
Oh, yeah. I think I like that story better.
Would you pass the cookies please?
- Wally— - Thanks,
Mom. Yeah, Dad?
Uh, Wally, does the
story of Pandora...
have any particular
significance for you?
Uh, you know, her curiosity and
doing things she was told not to do?
Well, gee, Dad.
We had that story
last year in school.
There's no use rememberin'
junk you already got a mark for.
- Of course not.
- Could I be excused?
I've got a lot of homework. Yes.
Me too? Yes, you too.
Well, there you are.
You were so sure he'd tell us all
about it if we just gave him a chance.
Well, we've warned him
so much about smoking,
maybe he was too ashamed to
volunteer in front of the whole family.
Well, I'll tell you
something. I'm gonna
give him just time to
get his homework done,
then I'm going upstairs and
demand that he volunteer.
Whatcha doing, Wally? I'm doin'
push-ups. What do you think?
How many can you do?
Twenty-six.
It's funny. I can only do two.
And I don't have as
much to push up as you do.
Maybe you don't have any
coordination. What's that?
Well, it's something you
get when you get older.
Like hair on your chest? Kinda.
Hey, Wally, why was Dad tellin' us
that story about that Pandora girl?
I don't know. It wasn't
funny or happy or anything.
Well, one time he told us a
whole big story about William Tell.
Turned out it was just because
we left our bike out in the rain.
We haven't done
that for a long time.
Well, he told most
of the story to me.
I think I'm supposed to have a
guilty conscience about somethin'.
What are you supposed to
have a guilty conscience about?
Well, last week in school,
me and Eddie turned off
the main hot water valve
while all the other guys
were takin' showers.
Mr. Haines caught us, but I don't
think he'd call home about that.
Uh-uh. Well, what are
you going to do, Wally?
Well, I guess I'll just have to try
to figure out what's botherin' Dad...
and then make up some
excuse for why I did it.
Yeah.
Hi, Dad.
Wally, I'd like to talk
to you about something.
You wanna talk to me too, Dad? No,
Beaver. Why don't you go on downstairs.
Maybe your mother can help
you with your spelling or something.
I'll see ya, Wally.
Yeah, I'll see ya, Beave.
Uh, Wally— Sit down.
You, uh, think a lot of
your brother, don't you?
Yeah, sure. He's
okay most of the time.
And I'm sure you wanna
set him a good example, huh?
Well, sure.
Well, Wally, your mother
and I think the world of you too,
and that's why it hurts us when
you try to hide something from us.
- Mr. Haines called you, huh?
- Mr. Haines?
Well, yeah, about
goofing up the showers?
No.
Wally, I know what
you did. But don't you
think you'd feel a
whole lot better about it...
if you just came right out
and told me all about it?
Well, gee, Dad, I'd be glad to,
but I don't know what it is you
want me to tell you that I did.
- Smoking, Wally.
- Smoking?
Smoking? Yes.
I'm afraid your brother took the pipe that
Mr. Rutherford sent to us and smoked it.
That's why your
father's so upset.
Well, how did Dad know
the pipe was smoked?
Well, because it turns
brown when you smoke it. Oh.
Well, h-how did Dad
know Wally smoked it?
Well, because Wally's at the age
where boys think it's smart to try smoking.
Mom, do you like me real good?
Of course I do, Beaver.
Would you still like me
real good if I was real bad?
Yes. But why are
you asking me all this?
Well, I can't
understand that boy.
I confronted him with it,
and he denied it point-blank.
Well, whatcha
gonna do to him, Dad?
I'm gonna make him stay in his
room all weekend if necessary...
till he makes up his mind to come
to me and admit the whole thing.
The thing I can't understand is his denying
it. It's just not like Wally at all.
No, sir. It's like me.
What?
Yes, sir. Well, I
smoked the pipe.
You, Beaver?
Yes, my friend came
over, and I showed it to him,
and he said I
shouldn't wait till I'm 21.
We tried smokin' coffee,
but that was no good,
so he emptied out some
ashtrays, and we smoked that.
And we didn't feel too good,
and my friend was Larry.
Oh, Beaver! Well, that's fine.
You not only smoked, but you went right
ahead and let me blame your brother for it.
Gee, Dad. I wouldn't
have let you blame him
if I'd have known what
you were talkin' about.
But you didn't talk about smoking.
You just talked about snakes and lizards.
Beaver, you know this
is a terrible thing you did.
Not only smoking, but
you lit matches. You've
done all the things
you've been told not to do.
I know, Mom.
And I won't ever
never do it again.
And you can lock me in my room,
and I won't do anything
bad again till I'm 21.
Beaver,
there's just one
thing I wanna know.
About this smoking,
did Larry put you up to it?
No, sir. We put
each other up to it.
Well, I'm glad you
said that at least.
All right, Beaver. You're
going to be punished,
and I'm going to call Larry's father
and see that he knows all about this.
You boys did something that
could have had very serious results.
Yes, sir.
Beaver, why in the world would
you and Larry wanna smoke?
Well, gee, Mom.
Everybody's always
sayin' how bad it is...
and tellin' kids not to do it.
And I figured, if grown-ups
said it was so bad,
there must be somethin'
real good about it.
But there wasn't. I could
hardly hold my stomach down.
Well, Beaver, strange
as it may seem,
as you grow older,
you're going to discover...
that quite a lot of things we
tell you are bad really are bad.
Yeah, Dad. I guess I
kinda found that out.
Well, I, uh, suppose
I'd better go upstairs...
and apologize to Wally.
Tell him I made a mistake.
Dad? Well, I think
I better do that.
I'm the one that got him blamed.
All right, Beaver.
Oh, Ward,
I just can't imagine the
Beaver smoking that pipe.
Or Larry either,
for that matter.
I don't think either one of them would
have done it if they'd been by themselves.
Then why would
they do it together?
I guess that's just one of the
unwritten rules of childhood...
No use doing anything bad unless
there's someone there to admire you for it.
Hey, what are you
turnin' the lights on for?
Well, I just wanted to see
if you were still mad at me.
No, I'm not mad at you.
But why would you and Larry do a
crazy thing like smoking that pipe?
I don't know.
It was there, so we smoked it.
Well, you're always
tellin' me you wanna go out
for football and stuff when
you get in high school.
Well, don't you know that
smoking could wreck you?
Gee, maybe I'm
wrecked already...
'cause I can only
do two push-ups.
No, I don't think so, Beave,
but you better watch it.
Yeah, but Dad gave
you a big bawlin' out.
Well, how come you're not mad
at me for gettin' you a bawlin' out?
Well,
you remember last summer when Dad
was goin' to work and he had a flat tire?
Yeah.
Well, I was fixin' a box, and I forgot
to pick up the nails out in the driveway.
Well, he never
found out that I did it,
so I kinda figure I had
one bawlin' out comin'.
Well, I don't remember that.
But even if you made it up,
I'm glad you did 'cause I don't like
to go to sleep with people mad at me.
Yeah.
Good night, Wally.
Good night, Beave.