Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 2, Episode 37 - Beaver the Athlete - full transcript
Ward and June are proud of the Beaver's latest report card with its plethora of A's and B's, but Ward just can't get over the D he got in Physical Education. Ward is even more dismayed when he learns from Wally that Coach Grover is a fair and honest man. When Beaver admits that he may have got the D since he couldn't do his somersaults during tumbling drills, Ward tries to teach him. But once Beaver's learned that skill from Ward, Coach Grover has moved onto another activity: baseball. During this activity, Beaver shows why he really got the D: he turns into the class clown whenever he can't do the activity. In class, he shows little athletic prowess. In further talking to his family about his antics during phys ed class, Beaver shows that he has little competitive spirit. When Beaver finally does show some competitive spirit regarding the annual boys versus girl baseball game, Beaver learns that clowning around is ultimately only funny if you can prove that you can do the real thing in its place.
Leave It To Beaver.
Starring Barbara Billingsley,
Hugh Beaumont,
Tony Dow...
and Jerry Mathers...
as the Beaver.
Mom! Hey, Mom!
Mom! Hey, Mom! Beaver!
Beaver— Hey, Mom!
Beaver! I didn't see you, Mom.
Well, I certainly saw
you. What's the matter?
I got my report card!
Oh, well. Let's take a look.
Well, Beaver, this is fine.
"B" plus, "B" plus,
"A" minus, and a "B."
And look how good I did in
the stuff that doesn't count.
"B" plus in courtesy,
"B" plus in cooperation,
and an "A" in citizenship!
- Larry Mondello
got a "C" in citizenship.
- That's too bad.
Yeah, one morning he was chewin'
gum durin' the Pledge Allegiance.
Beaver, I'm so proud of you.
So is Miss Landers, Mom. She says I'm
only five kids away from the honor roll.
If enough guys got sick or move
away, I might get to be on it next time.
Beaver, your father's gonna be
very happy when he hears about this.
I'll leave it here. I'm gonna go up and
change my clothes and then go out and play.
All right.
Mom, when Dad gets home,
don't tell him about
the good marks.
Let him read 'em off the card
himself. I'll do that, Beaver.
Hello, dear. Oh, hi.
How are the boys?
Well, Wally's at some sort
of a track meet and
Beaver's out playing.
He wanted me to show you this. It's
his report card. Oh, how did he do?
Well, you're supposed to
read it off the card yourself.
Oh.
What's this "D" in
physical education?
Oh, Ward. He did so
well in everything else.
Now, why would you
have to bring that up?
I don't know. It just sort of hit me.
Didn't the "A's" and "B's" hit you?
Not like the "D."
Well, I think it's a wonderful
card. Oh, well, I do too, dear.
I'm very proud of him.
You certainly should be— of a boy who's
only "five kids away from the honor roll"?
Sure. And, anyway, with
these other good marks, I'm
sure we can overlook a
"D" in physical education.
Well, dear, you make
a big fuss over the card
at dinnertime, and
don't mention the "D".
Oh, no, I'll put it
completely out of my mind.
He say how he got
that miserable "D"?
Well, Beaver, I believe these are just
about the best marks you ever brought home.
Thanks, Dad. Miss Landers says I
busted my record in every subject.
Your father's so happy with your
report card, Beaver. Aren't you, Ward?
Oh, I certainly am.
Yeah, Beave. Hey, you sure you
didn't get somebody else's report card?
How did you do in
the track meet today?
- Well, I, uh—I did the 440 in 58 flat.
- Is that good?
- Nah.
- It's not bad for a freshman.
The coach says if I take 13 seconds
off my time, I'll beat the world's record.
Well, you ought to make
your freshman letter.
- Yeah, I got enough points already.
- I even got a "B" plus in listenin'.
- Listening? What's that?
- Well, once a week,
the principal sits in
the back of the room,
and watches whether
we're listenin' or not.
- And you got a "B" plus in that?
- Yeah, Mom.
Well! Well, I'm gonna
go get our coffee, dear.
Do you boys want some more milk?
No thanks, Mom. No thanks, Mom.
Say, Wally, when you
went to Beaver's school,
wasn't the same gym
teacher there then?
Oh, you mean Coach Grover?
Yeah, he's been there a long time.
- I remember he came
with the new swings.
- Uh-huh.
Well, uh, what
sort of fellow is he?
Well, uh, he's sort of a tall guy
with a whistle around his neck.
Yeah, that's him.
No, no. I mean,
what sort of fellow
is he with the boys?
Oh, he's a swell guy, Dad. He doesn't
let you goof off too much, but he's fair.
- Oh, sure. He's fair.
- Yeah.
So, when he gives you a
mark, you really deserve it, huh?
Oh, sure.
So the—the "D" you
got was fair, huh?
Yeah. Well, guess I was
goofin' up an awful lot of stuff.
Well, what were
we talking about?
Nothin', Mom. Dad was just yellin' at the
Beaver for gettin' a "D" in physical ed.
Ward, I thought we weren't
gonna talk about that.
Dear, it's just that I
don't like the idea of a
boy of mine getting a
"D" in physical education.
I'm sure Beaver doesn't mind my
asking the reason why, do you, Beaver?
Uh-uh. Like I said, I
goofed up a lot of things,
but I guess I mostly
goofed up my tumblin'.
Huh. Tumbling?
Yeah. You know, Mom. You run
along and tuck your head under...
and you throw yourself on
the ground and you roll over.
Ward, I think that's terrible.
A little boy like the Beaver could get
hurt throwing himself on the ground.
Oh, June. Heck,
Mom, they got mats.
- Well, sure.
- And anyway, what's the difference?
If he gets hurt, you
can sue the school.
June, there's really
nothing to it. It's just a
way they have of teaching
the kids coordination.
Uh, I tell you
what. It's still light.
Right after supper, we'll all go out on
the front lawn and I'll show you how.
- We'll have a lot of fun, huh?
- Y-Yes, sir.
I guess I can have
fun, if you say so.
Sure, sure. Look, why don't you guys go
up and change into some old clothes now?
Okay, Dad. Okay, Dad.
Come on, Beave.
Ward, I wish you wouldn't
try to teach him things like this.
- You know he always
ends up crying when you do.
- Oh, come on now, dear.
Anyway, a person can't go through
life without being able to tumble.
- I managed to.
- Don't worry about it.
Tell you what I'll do. I'll
have a little talk with him.
I'll tell him no matter what
happens, he mustn't cry.
Oh, that makes
me feel a lot better.
Now then, Beaver, tumbling
is just a matter of coordination.
- Coordination.
- You simply run along,
tuck your head under, and let
your momentum carry you over.
- Well, okay, Dad.
- Yeah, go ahead, Beave.
Hey, uh, no fair
hittin' the tree.
Well, keep going, Beaver.
I can't. My 'mentum
won't come over.
Well, here. Come here.
Come here. Get up. Now, look.
You can't stop right in the middle.
You have to keep
going. Now look,
it's one, two, three— alley-oop!
One, two, three, alley-oop.
One, two, three...
Hey, Dad. Could you
alley-oop it for me first?
Well, I'm— I'm hardly dressed
for that sort of thing, Beaver.
Uh— Uh, Wally, you do it!
Well, gee, Dad.
What if some of the neighbors
saw me doin' somersaults like a kid?
Please, Wally?
- Hey, Wally, no fair hittin' the tree!
- Go ahead, Wally.
Hey, Dad, can I go in and
watch TV now? All right.
Now then, Beaver, let's get down
to some serious business here.
Uh, come on. I'll
help you. Bend over.
Get your head way down.
Now, then, one, two, three...
Alley-oop! There!
Wasn't that easy?
Yeah, but you won't be
there to push me at school.
Now, come on. We'll get
it. Let's try again. Get up!
Bend over, get your
head way down. Now, then.
One, two, three, alley-oop!
There. That's comin'.
Now, once more.
One, two, three, alley-oop!
There, fine. Come on. Let's go back.
Ward?
- You gonna stay out here all night?
- No, no. We'll be right in, June.
Show your mother.
Hey, Mom, watch!
One, two, three, alley-oop!
One, two, three, alley-oop!
One, two, three, alley-oop! One, two,
three, alley-oop! Now, there you are.
Just wait till the coach sees that
tomorrow. Isn't that something?
It certainly is. Now I'm gonna
have to wash his hair tonight.
Alley-oop. One, two, three,
alley-oop. One, two, three, alley-oop.
All right, kids. Let's go.
Everybody over here.
Come on. We got
a lot of work to do.
Coach! Hey, Coach!
Could I show you somethin'?
In just a minute, Beaver.
All right, kids,
come on. Let's go.
Now, during these past
weeks, we've been concentrating
on tumbling. That's to
develop our coordination.
But beginning today, we're gonna
prepare for that annual baseball game...
between the boys
and the girls. Oh, boy!
We'll slaughter 'em, Whitey. Ha!
I want everybody to
line up in front of the
screen there. We're
gonna have batting practice.
Come on. Everybody go.
Uh, what was it you
wanted to show me, Beaver?
No, I just thought I wanted
to show you something.
But I guess I really don't
want to show you anything.
All right. All right, kids.
Now, the first thing we're gonna do
is— Whitey, where are your sneakers?
- I don't have 'em, Coach.
- Where are they?
- In the girls' locker room.
- Now, how did they get in there?
Yesterday, Larry threw
'em over the transom.
- Larry?
- I couldn't have done it, Coach.
- I was absent yesterday.
- Someone threw 'em there.
Well, it wasn't me!
All right, just play in your shoes
until we get to the bottom of this.
Yes, Coach.
Okay, Larry, here we go.
- Well, very good, Larry.
- Thanks, Coach.
Now, who's next?
Okay, Whitey. Get in there. Coach,
do I have to run? I'm wearin' shoes.
No, Whitey, just hit.
Boy, Whitey, are you awful!
All right, that's
enough of that, Whitey.
Next batter! Batter up.
Here comes nothin'!
Okay. No, Beaver, now—now—
Now, move up to the plate.
- Hit it, Beave!
- That's it. Okay. Here we go.
You swing like a
rusty gate, Beaver.
Look at Beaver!
Boy, you're funny, Beave.
Come on, Beaver. You've
only got one more strike.
You're supposed to
hit the ball, Beaver.
Boy! Boy, Beaver,
were you ever funny.
Yeah, but were you just bein'
funny 'cause you wanted to be funny...
or were you just making
funny 'cause you're no good?
Batter up!
Well, that's fine, Wally.
Your first high school letter.
Yeah, Dad, when you're
a freshman, you gotta
score points in
three sports to get it.
I thought they didn't give
you the letters, though,
until the sports banquet
at the end of the year.
Well, the coach gives it
to you as soon as you get
enough points, so you
can sew it on your sweater.
Then at the banquet, they
give you another one—but you
gotta give that one back on
account of you already got one.
I'm glad when I went
to school, I was a girl.
Well, Beaver, how'd you make
out with your tumbling today?
Coach Grover crossed us up. Instead
of havin' tumblin', we had baseball.
- Oh. Well, uh, how'd you do?
- I struck out.
- Every time?
- We only had four chances.
Well, gee, Beave. What
did all the other guys say?
It was real neat.
They laughed at me.
You—You mean you enjoyed
having the other kids laugh at you?
Sure, Dad. They thought I was real funny,
so I kept doin' it to make 'em laugh.
Well, I guess you had a
good time at baseball then.
Well, uh, Beaver, didn't you want
to show any competitive spirit?
Coach Grover didn't
tell us about that yet.
Beave, didn't you wanna get out
there and beat all those other guys?
Why should I wanna beat
'em? They're all my friends.
Anyway, I don't think I
like baseball so good.
Well, Beaver, in all
sports we try to win.
- Uh, what sports do you like?
- I like marbles.
Uh, all right, uh, let's
take marbles then.
Now, suppose you and Larry are playing
marbles, and you lose. What do you do?
I'd save up and buy
some more marbles.
If you boys want to take your
plates out, you can have your dessert.
Okay, Mom.
Gee, Beave, didn't you
even want to hit one? Uh-uh.
I had more fun not hittin' any.
Ward? Please don't
say anymore to him.
We have one athlete in
the family. That's enough.
All right, but I just wish Beaver
would show a little competitive spirit.
Well, I think a boy who brought his grades
up the way he did has competitive spirit.
All right. I'll just have
to settle for a nuclear
scientist instead of an
all-American halfback.
Quit actin' so dumb, Beaver!
All right. Come on, Beaver.
Bang!
That's all, Beaver.
Oh, brother! Judy?
Next batter.
Hey, Larry, that was pretty
funny the way I shot the ball, huh?
That was funny yesterday.
But it's not funny today.
It's just dumb. Yeah, Beaver.
We're not gonna beat the girls next
week if we're always horsin' around.
Gee, anybody can beat girls. I'm
gonna show you how Beaver does it.
Look at that goofy girl!
Can't keep the bat up!
Come on, Judy.
Come on, Judy. Knock it off.
That's enough of that, Judy.
Sure, Coach.
Hey, Beaver. She's
worse than you!
Oh, good girl, Judy. There's
a home run if I ever saw one.
Lots of action. Come on!
Boy, is she ever good.
Yeah. She made you
look like a rusty gate.
Next batter! How'd
you like that, Beaver?
Batter up.
Thank you very much, Mrs. Mondello. If
he does show up there, would you call us?
Thank you. Bye.
Beaver's not goofin' around
with Larry, huh, Mom?
Larry hasn't seen Beaver
since school let out.
Hey, Mom? Maybe
Beaver's walkin' around
somewhere and he
doesn't even know it's dark.
Well, how's the happy
little family? Oh, Ward!
- Beaver's missin'.
- Missing?
- Yes, he didn't come home from school.
- Well, he's probably over at Larry's.
I called there, and
he's not at Whitey's
either, and neither one
of them have seen him.
Now don't get excited, dear.
Wally, did you see him anywhere?
Uh-uh. Hey, maybe he joined some
secret gang and they're initiatin' him!
Oh, Wally! Well, we
better take a look for him.
I tell you what. We'll backtrack to
the school. June, you better stay home.
Stay home? Well, yes, dear.
If Beaver comes and finds no one
here, he may go off again. All right.
Dear? Dear, if you do find him, don't
stop and scold him. Just bring him home.
Hey, Mom, what are
we havin' for supper?
Hey, Beaver! Beaver!
Beaver, what in the world are you
doing here at school this time of night?
Hittin' baseballs, Dad. How
long have you been here?
- Since after school let out.
- Don't you realize you've got
your mother all upset?
It's a quarter past 8:00! Couldn’t
you see it was getting dark?
- Gee, Dad, I didn't notice.
- Well, the very idea of a boy...
Dad. What?
Mom said not to yell at
him till you get him home.
Thank you, Wally. All right,
Beaver, where's your jacket?
Over there. Well, you fellows
go on and get in the car.
The way you're perspiring,
it'll be a wonder if you don't
catch pneumonia. Beave,
what'd you think you were doin'?
It's nobody's business.
Nobody's but mine!
Do you want me to go downstairs
and get you some more hot milk?
No thanks, Mom.
I'm all right now.
Boy, you should've seen him in the
car, Mom. He was shiverin' all over.
I got a right to shiver all
over if I want to, don't I, Mom?
Well, Beaver, you shouldn't
have worried us like this.
Yeah, standin' out in the dark,
tryin' to hit a baseball for three hours.
Wally, that's enough.
Getting overheated in
the cold, why, he could
have got pneumonia.
Come on, Beaver. You
try to get some sleep now.
Mom? Where's Dad?
He's downstairs. Yeah.
He probably doesn't want to yell at
you till tomorrow when you feel better.
Uh, I guess I better
brush my teeth.
Beaver, it isn't that. It's— Well,
your father's kind of upset, you see.
He feels that none of
this would have happened
if he hadn't said so
much to you last night...
about sports and
the competitive spirit.
Oh.
Good night, Beaver.
Good night, Mom.
Good night, Wally.
Good night, Mom.
Oh, June?
- How's the Beaver?
- Oh, he'll be all right, dear.
- He's going to sleep now.
- I'll go up in a little while
and look in on him.
Fine.
Well, Beaver, what are
you doing out of bed?
Well,
I just wanted to tell you it's not
your fault I almost got pneumonia.
Well, Beaver, I realized
later that I put a lot
of pressure on you about
athletics, and I'm sorry.
You didn't have to go through
all this to prove anything to me.
But...
It wasn't on account
of you I did it, Dad.
It was on account of today
Judy Hensler hit a home run.
- She did?
- Yeah. Right over everybody's head.
I see.
And until she hit that home run,
you were happy to just clown around
and have everybody laugh at you, huh?
Yeah. Well, I kinda found out
it's only fun doin' stuff wrong...
if the fellows know
you can do it right.
Uh-huh.
Well, you know, Beaver, it
just might turn out that you
were a very lucky guy to have
a Judy Hensler in your class.
Yeah!
- What's the matter?
- You know, Dad,
if I told that to Larry,
he'd say I was goofy.
Yeah. Yeah, I guess he would.
Well, you better get
up to bed, Beave.
All right. Good night,
Dad. Good night.
Say, Beaver, would you like me
to carry you upstairs like I used to?
Well, I guess it's okay.
There's no one around to see us.
Sure.
Giddyap, Dad!
Dinner about ready?
Soon as the boys get here.
Oh. Shouldn't they be
getting home along about now?
Well, Wally went over to the
grammar school to watch Beaver play.
Oh! This is the day of the big
game with the girls, huh? Uh-huh.
Wally went over to watch. Well, that's
a nice display of brotherly interest.
Well, I'm not so sure
it's brotherly interest.
Wally went out of here wearing
his new high school letter.
Oh, I get it. The old pro
returning to the campus.
Mom, Dad, we won
'em! We won 'em!
Yeah, Beaver got the most
hits of anybody—three singles.
Yeah, and there were
guys on base every time!
- Well, that's the way to do it!
- Judy Hensler hit a home run,
but there wasn't any guys on base.
It's a lot better hittin' three
singles with guys on base
than it is to hit a homer with
no guys on base, isn't it, Dad?
- Oh, I'd say it was much better.
- They're gonna play the girls
again next week.
Oh, well, Beaver, that
should be a lot of fun for you.
Yeah, for a guy who
got three singles.
Well, I don't know. It's
liable to be a lot rougher.
Well, I got the most hits
today of anybody, and
the guys are always gonna
be expectin' it me of me.
I'll look goofy if I strike out.
Oh, I wouldn't worry about that,
Beaver. Even Ted Williams strikes out.
Yeah, but not when
he's playin' girls.
Come on and take your bath and
tell me about the game. Okay, Dad.
Say, Wally, what did the fellows over
at the old school think about the letter?
Oh, they thought
it was okay, Dad.
Except for this one wise guy
who asked me who I stole it off of.
Starring Barbara Billingsley,
Hugh Beaumont,
Tony Dow...
and Jerry Mathers...
as the Beaver.
Mom! Hey, Mom!
Mom! Hey, Mom! Beaver!
Beaver— Hey, Mom!
Beaver! I didn't see you, Mom.
Well, I certainly saw
you. What's the matter?
I got my report card!
Oh, well. Let's take a look.
Well, Beaver, this is fine.
"B" plus, "B" plus,
"A" minus, and a "B."
And look how good I did in
the stuff that doesn't count.
"B" plus in courtesy,
"B" plus in cooperation,
and an "A" in citizenship!
- Larry Mondello
got a "C" in citizenship.
- That's too bad.
Yeah, one morning he was chewin'
gum durin' the Pledge Allegiance.
Beaver, I'm so proud of you.
So is Miss Landers, Mom. She says I'm
only five kids away from the honor roll.
If enough guys got sick or move
away, I might get to be on it next time.
Beaver, your father's gonna be
very happy when he hears about this.
I'll leave it here. I'm gonna go up and
change my clothes and then go out and play.
All right.
Mom, when Dad gets home,
don't tell him about
the good marks.
Let him read 'em off the card
himself. I'll do that, Beaver.
Hello, dear. Oh, hi.
How are the boys?
Well, Wally's at some sort
of a track meet and
Beaver's out playing.
He wanted me to show you this. It's
his report card. Oh, how did he do?
Well, you're supposed to
read it off the card yourself.
Oh.
What's this "D" in
physical education?
Oh, Ward. He did so
well in everything else.
Now, why would you
have to bring that up?
I don't know. It just sort of hit me.
Didn't the "A's" and "B's" hit you?
Not like the "D."
Well, I think it's a wonderful
card. Oh, well, I do too, dear.
I'm very proud of him.
You certainly should be— of a boy who's
only "five kids away from the honor roll"?
Sure. And, anyway, with
these other good marks, I'm
sure we can overlook a
"D" in physical education.
Well, dear, you make
a big fuss over the card
at dinnertime, and
don't mention the "D".
Oh, no, I'll put it
completely out of my mind.
He say how he got
that miserable "D"?
Well, Beaver, I believe these are just
about the best marks you ever brought home.
Thanks, Dad. Miss Landers says I
busted my record in every subject.
Your father's so happy with your
report card, Beaver. Aren't you, Ward?
Oh, I certainly am.
Yeah, Beave. Hey, you sure you
didn't get somebody else's report card?
How did you do in
the track meet today?
- Well, I, uh—I did the 440 in 58 flat.
- Is that good?
- Nah.
- It's not bad for a freshman.
The coach says if I take 13 seconds
off my time, I'll beat the world's record.
Well, you ought to make
your freshman letter.
- Yeah, I got enough points already.
- I even got a "B" plus in listenin'.
- Listening? What's that?
- Well, once a week,
the principal sits in
the back of the room,
and watches whether
we're listenin' or not.
- And you got a "B" plus in that?
- Yeah, Mom.
Well! Well, I'm gonna
go get our coffee, dear.
Do you boys want some more milk?
No thanks, Mom. No thanks, Mom.
Say, Wally, when you
went to Beaver's school,
wasn't the same gym
teacher there then?
Oh, you mean Coach Grover?
Yeah, he's been there a long time.
- I remember he came
with the new swings.
- Uh-huh.
Well, uh, what
sort of fellow is he?
Well, uh, he's sort of a tall guy
with a whistle around his neck.
Yeah, that's him.
No, no. I mean,
what sort of fellow
is he with the boys?
Oh, he's a swell guy, Dad. He doesn't
let you goof off too much, but he's fair.
- Oh, sure. He's fair.
- Yeah.
So, when he gives you a
mark, you really deserve it, huh?
Oh, sure.
So the—the "D" you
got was fair, huh?
Yeah. Well, guess I was
goofin' up an awful lot of stuff.
Well, what were
we talking about?
Nothin', Mom. Dad was just yellin' at the
Beaver for gettin' a "D" in physical ed.
Ward, I thought we weren't
gonna talk about that.
Dear, it's just that I
don't like the idea of a
boy of mine getting a
"D" in physical education.
I'm sure Beaver doesn't mind my
asking the reason why, do you, Beaver?
Uh-uh. Like I said, I
goofed up a lot of things,
but I guess I mostly
goofed up my tumblin'.
Huh. Tumbling?
Yeah. You know, Mom. You run
along and tuck your head under...
and you throw yourself on
the ground and you roll over.
Ward, I think that's terrible.
A little boy like the Beaver could get
hurt throwing himself on the ground.
Oh, June. Heck,
Mom, they got mats.
- Well, sure.
- And anyway, what's the difference?
If he gets hurt, you
can sue the school.
June, there's really
nothing to it. It's just a
way they have of teaching
the kids coordination.
Uh, I tell you
what. It's still light.
Right after supper, we'll all go out on
the front lawn and I'll show you how.
- We'll have a lot of fun, huh?
- Y-Yes, sir.
I guess I can have
fun, if you say so.
Sure, sure. Look, why don't you guys go
up and change into some old clothes now?
Okay, Dad. Okay, Dad.
Come on, Beave.
Ward, I wish you wouldn't
try to teach him things like this.
- You know he always
ends up crying when you do.
- Oh, come on now, dear.
Anyway, a person can't go through
life without being able to tumble.
- I managed to.
- Don't worry about it.
Tell you what I'll do. I'll
have a little talk with him.
I'll tell him no matter what
happens, he mustn't cry.
Oh, that makes
me feel a lot better.
Now then, Beaver, tumbling
is just a matter of coordination.
- Coordination.
- You simply run along,
tuck your head under, and let
your momentum carry you over.
- Well, okay, Dad.
- Yeah, go ahead, Beave.
Hey, uh, no fair
hittin' the tree.
Well, keep going, Beaver.
I can't. My 'mentum
won't come over.
Well, here. Come here.
Come here. Get up. Now, look.
You can't stop right in the middle.
You have to keep
going. Now look,
it's one, two, three— alley-oop!
One, two, three, alley-oop.
One, two, three...
Hey, Dad. Could you
alley-oop it for me first?
Well, I'm— I'm hardly dressed
for that sort of thing, Beaver.
Uh— Uh, Wally, you do it!
Well, gee, Dad.
What if some of the neighbors
saw me doin' somersaults like a kid?
Please, Wally?
- Hey, Wally, no fair hittin' the tree!
- Go ahead, Wally.
Hey, Dad, can I go in and
watch TV now? All right.
Now then, Beaver, let's get down
to some serious business here.
Uh, come on. I'll
help you. Bend over.
Get your head way down.
Now, then, one, two, three...
Alley-oop! There!
Wasn't that easy?
Yeah, but you won't be
there to push me at school.
Now, come on. We'll get
it. Let's try again. Get up!
Bend over, get your
head way down. Now, then.
One, two, three, alley-oop!
There. That's comin'.
Now, once more.
One, two, three, alley-oop!
There, fine. Come on. Let's go back.
Ward?
- You gonna stay out here all night?
- No, no. We'll be right in, June.
Show your mother.
Hey, Mom, watch!
One, two, three, alley-oop!
One, two, three, alley-oop!
One, two, three, alley-oop! One, two,
three, alley-oop! Now, there you are.
Just wait till the coach sees that
tomorrow. Isn't that something?
It certainly is. Now I'm gonna
have to wash his hair tonight.
Alley-oop. One, two, three,
alley-oop. One, two, three, alley-oop.
All right, kids. Let's go.
Everybody over here.
Come on. We got
a lot of work to do.
Coach! Hey, Coach!
Could I show you somethin'?
In just a minute, Beaver.
All right, kids,
come on. Let's go.
Now, during these past
weeks, we've been concentrating
on tumbling. That's to
develop our coordination.
But beginning today, we're gonna
prepare for that annual baseball game...
between the boys
and the girls. Oh, boy!
We'll slaughter 'em, Whitey. Ha!
I want everybody to
line up in front of the
screen there. We're
gonna have batting practice.
Come on. Everybody go.
Uh, what was it you
wanted to show me, Beaver?
No, I just thought I wanted
to show you something.
But I guess I really don't
want to show you anything.
All right. All right, kids.
Now, the first thing we're gonna do
is— Whitey, where are your sneakers?
- I don't have 'em, Coach.
- Where are they?
- In the girls' locker room.
- Now, how did they get in there?
Yesterday, Larry threw
'em over the transom.
- Larry?
- I couldn't have done it, Coach.
- I was absent yesterday.
- Someone threw 'em there.
Well, it wasn't me!
All right, just play in your shoes
until we get to the bottom of this.
Yes, Coach.
Okay, Larry, here we go.
- Well, very good, Larry.
- Thanks, Coach.
Now, who's next?
Okay, Whitey. Get in there. Coach,
do I have to run? I'm wearin' shoes.
No, Whitey, just hit.
Boy, Whitey, are you awful!
All right, that's
enough of that, Whitey.
Next batter! Batter up.
Here comes nothin'!
Okay. No, Beaver, now—now—
Now, move up to the plate.
- Hit it, Beave!
- That's it. Okay. Here we go.
You swing like a
rusty gate, Beaver.
Look at Beaver!
Boy, you're funny, Beave.
Come on, Beaver. You've
only got one more strike.
You're supposed to
hit the ball, Beaver.
Boy! Boy, Beaver,
were you ever funny.
Yeah, but were you just bein'
funny 'cause you wanted to be funny...
or were you just making
funny 'cause you're no good?
Batter up!
Well, that's fine, Wally.
Your first high school letter.
Yeah, Dad, when you're
a freshman, you gotta
score points in
three sports to get it.
I thought they didn't give
you the letters, though,
until the sports banquet
at the end of the year.
Well, the coach gives it
to you as soon as you get
enough points, so you
can sew it on your sweater.
Then at the banquet, they
give you another one—but you
gotta give that one back on
account of you already got one.
I'm glad when I went
to school, I was a girl.
Well, Beaver, how'd you make
out with your tumbling today?
Coach Grover crossed us up. Instead
of havin' tumblin', we had baseball.
- Oh. Well, uh, how'd you do?
- I struck out.
- Every time?
- We only had four chances.
Well, gee, Beave. What
did all the other guys say?
It was real neat.
They laughed at me.
You—You mean you enjoyed
having the other kids laugh at you?
Sure, Dad. They thought I was real funny,
so I kept doin' it to make 'em laugh.
Well, I guess you had a
good time at baseball then.
Well, uh, Beaver, didn't you want
to show any competitive spirit?
Coach Grover didn't
tell us about that yet.
Beave, didn't you wanna get out
there and beat all those other guys?
Why should I wanna beat
'em? They're all my friends.
Anyway, I don't think I
like baseball so good.
Well, Beaver, in all
sports we try to win.
- Uh, what sports do you like?
- I like marbles.
Uh, all right, uh, let's
take marbles then.
Now, suppose you and Larry are playing
marbles, and you lose. What do you do?
I'd save up and buy
some more marbles.
If you boys want to take your
plates out, you can have your dessert.
Okay, Mom.
Gee, Beave, didn't you
even want to hit one? Uh-uh.
I had more fun not hittin' any.
Ward? Please don't
say anymore to him.
We have one athlete in
the family. That's enough.
All right, but I just wish Beaver
would show a little competitive spirit.
Well, I think a boy who brought his grades
up the way he did has competitive spirit.
All right. I'll just have
to settle for a nuclear
scientist instead of an
all-American halfback.
Quit actin' so dumb, Beaver!
All right. Come on, Beaver.
Bang!
That's all, Beaver.
Oh, brother! Judy?
Next batter.
Hey, Larry, that was pretty
funny the way I shot the ball, huh?
That was funny yesterday.
But it's not funny today.
It's just dumb. Yeah, Beaver.
We're not gonna beat the girls next
week if we're always horsin' around.
Gee, anybody can beat girls. I'm
gonna show you how Beaver does it.
Look at that goofy girl!
Can't keep the bat up!
Come on, Judy.
Come on, Judy. Knock it off.
That's enough of that, Judy.
Sure, Coach.
Hey, Beaver. She's
worse than you!
Oh, good girl, Judy. There's
a home run if I ever saw one.
Lots of action. Come on!
Boy, is she ever good.
Yeah. She made you
look like a rusty gate.
Next batter! How'd
you like that, Beaver?
Batter up.
Thank you very much, Mrs. Mondello. If
he does show up there, would you call us?
Thank you. Bye.
Beaver's not goofin' around
with Larry, huh, Mom?
Larry hasn't seen Beaver
since school let out.
Hey, Mom? Maybe
Beaver's walkin' around
somewhere and he
doesn't even know it's dark.
Well, how's the happy
little family? Oh, Ward!
- Beaver's missin'.
- Missing?
- Yes, he didn't come home from school.
- Well, he's probably over at Larry's.
I called there, and
he's not at Whitey's
either, and neither one
of them have seen him.
Now don't get excited, dear.
Wally, did you see him anywhere?
Uh-uh. Hey, maybe he joined some
secret gang and they're initiatin' him!
Oh, Wally! Well, we
better take a look for him.
I tell you what. We'll backtrack to
the school. June, you better stay home.
Stay home? Well, yes, dear.
If Beaver comes and finds no one
here, he may go off again. All right.
Dear? Dear, if you do find him, don't
stop and scold him. Just bring him home.
Hey, Mom, what are
we havin' for supper?
Hey, Beaver! Beaver!
Beaver, what in the world are you
doing here at school this time of night?
Hittin' baseballs, Dad. How
long have you been here?
- Since after school let out.
- Don't you realize you've got
your mother all upset?
It's a quarter past 8:00! Couldn’t
you see it was getting dark?
- Gee, Dad, I didn't notice.
- Well, the very idea of a boy...
Dad. What?
Mom said not to yell at
him till you get him home.
Thank you, Wally. All right,
Beaver, where's your jacket?
Over there. Well, you fellows
go on and get in the car.
The way you're perspiring,
it'll be a wonder if you don't
catch pneumonia. Beave,
what'd you think you were doin'?
It's nobody's business.
Nobody's but mine!
Do you want me to go downstairs
and get you some more hot milk?
No thanks, Mom.
I'm all right now.
Boy, you should've seen him in the
car, Mom. He was shiverin' all over.
I got a right to shiver all
over if I want to, don't I, Mom?
Well, Beaver, you shouldn't
have worried us like this.
Yeah, standin' out in the dark,
tryin' to hit a baseball for three hours.
Wally, that's enough.
Getting overheated in
the cold, why, he could
have got pneumonia.
Come on, Beaver. You
try to get some sleep now.
Mom? Where's Dad?
He's downstairs. Yeah.
He probably doesn't want to yell at
you till tomorrow when you feel better.
Uh, I guess I better
brush my teeth.
Beaver, it isn't that. It's— Well,
your father's kind of upset, you see.
He feels that none of
this would have happened
if he hadn't said so
much to you last night...
about sports and
the competitive spirit.
Oh.
Good night, Beaver.
Good night, Mom.
Good night, Wally.
Good night, Mom.
Oh, June?
- How's the Beaver?
- Oh, he'll be all right, dear.
- He's going to sleep now.
- I'll go up in a little while
and look in on him.
Fine.
Well, Beaver, what are
you doing out of bed?
Well,
I just wanted to tell you it's not
your fault I almost got pneumonia.
Well, Beaver, I realized
later that I put a lot
of pressure on you about
athletics, and I'm sorry.
You didn't have to go through
all this to prove anything to me.
But...
It wasn't on account
of you I did it, Dad.
It was on account of today
Judy Hensler hit a home run.
- She did?
- Yeah. Right over everybody's head.
I see.
And until she hit that home run,
you were happy to just clown around
and have everybody laugh at you, huh?
Yeah. Well, I kinda found out
it's only fun doin' stuff wrong...
if the fellows know
you can do it right.
Uh-huh.
Well, you know, Beaver, it
just might turn out that you
were a very lucky guy to have
a Judy Hensler in your class.
Yeah!
- What's the matter?
- You know, Dad,
if I told that to Larry,
he'd say I was goofy.
Yeah. Yeah, I guess he would.
Well, you better get
up to bed, Beave.
All right. Good night,
Dad. Good night.
Say, Beaver, would you like me
to carry you upstairs like I used to?
Well, I guess it's okay.
There's no one around to see us.
Sure.
Giddyap, Dad!
Dinner about ready?
Soon as the boys get here.
Oh. Shouldn't they be
getting home along about now?
Well, Wally went over to the
grammar school to watch Beaver play.
Oh! This is the day of the big
game with the girls, huh? Uh-huh.
Wally went over to watch. Well, that's
a nice display of brotherly interest.
Well, I'm not so sure
it's brotherly interest.
Wally went out of here wearing
his new high school letter.
Oh, I get it. The old pro
returning to the campus.
Mom, Dad, we won
'em! We won 'em!
Yeah, Beaver got the most
hits of anybody—three singles.
Yeah, and there were
guys on base every time!
- Well, that's the way to do it!
- Judy Hensler hit a home run,
but there wasn't any guys on base.
It's a lot better hittin' three
singles with guys on base
than it is to hit a homer with
no guys on base, isn't it, Dad?
- Oh, I'd say it was much better.
- They're gonna play the girls
again next week.
Oh, well, Beaver, that
should be a lot of fun for you.
Yeah, for a guy who
got three singles.
Well, I don't know. It's
liable to be a lot rougher.
Well, I got the most hits
today of anybody, and
the guys are always gonna
be expectin' it me of me.
I'll look goofy if I strike out.
Oh, I wouldn't worry about that,
Beaver. Even Ted Williams strikes out.
Yeah, but not when
he's playin' girls.
Come on and take your bath and
tell me about the game. Okay, Dad.
Say, Wally, what did the fellows over
at the old school think about the letter?
Oh, they thought
it was okay, Dad.
Except for this one wise guy
who asked me who I stole it off of.