Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 2, Episode 34 - Wally's Haircomb - full transcript

[Announcer] Leave It To Beaver.

Starring Barbara Billingsley,

Hugh Beaumont,

Tony Dow...

and Jerry Mathers...

as the Beaver.

Hi! Hi.

Have a nice day? Yeah.

Dear, when I did the
wash this morning,

I found a pair of Wally's brand-new
jeans in the washing machine.

Now, why in the world would
he do something like that?



June, no self-respecting
teenager would think of wearing

a pair of blue jeans that
hadn't been properly faded.

Well, I wish you'd
speak to him anyway.

We can't always be after him
about everything like that, June.

Give him a chance to grow
up. They both home? Beaver is.

He wants you to hear
him on Paul Revere's Ride.

Oh. Well, I will after I get
cleaned up. Where's Wally?

He went to get a haircut.

Without being told?

Uh-huh. Well, that's progress.

Next thing we know, he'll be
taking a bath without being told.

Then we'll know he's ready
to take his place in society.

[Chuckles]

- I didn't know Beaver
had a dark red shirt.
- It was white.



I had to dye it after I washed it
with a chocolate bar in the pocket.

Well, I guess I'll go get
ready to hear Paul Revere.

I'm supposed to memorize it.
It's that hunk right there, Dad.

You mean this stanza here?

Yeah, that's the
hunk. Hear me on it.

Well, go ahead.

Uh, you better give
me the first word.

"One."

Oh, yeah. "One if by
land and two if by sea...

"and I on the opposite shore shall be
ready to ride and spread the alarm...

through every middle-sized
village and farm."

[Chuckles] No, no, Beaver. It's
not "middle-sized village and farm."

It's the county of Middlesex.
It's in Massachusetts.

Gee, Dad, we don't have to learn where
the town is. We just gotta learn the poem.

I'm sorry. Well, go ahead.

I'm not supposed to go on.

Each kid just gets
up and says his hunk.

Well, don't you want to read the rest
of it and see how the poem comes out?

Gee, Dad, I'll find that out tomorrow
when they put all the hunks together.

Thanks for hearin'
me on it. Beaver?

Would you tell Wally and Clarence
that dinner will be ready in 15 minutes?

You want me to tell Lumpy to go
home, Mom? No. He's staying for dinner.

Well, okay.

Lumpy Rutherford is
staying for dinner? Uh-huh.

Dear, I didn't want to bring this up in
front of Beaver, but when Wally came home,

did you notice how he had
his hair cut this afternoon?

No, I didn't see him. Did
he have it cut too short?

No, but you should see what
he had that barber do to him.

Why, it's up on the sides, and in
the back it sort of goes all like this.

And it's all full of oil.

Honey, I can't describe
it. You just have to see it.

Well, let's take a look at it.

Wally! Yes, Dad?

Would you come down here
a minute, please? Sure, Dad.

It looks like some
kind of an oil mop.

Yeah, Dad?

You want somethin'?

Dad?

Oh, uh—Oh, yes, Son.

Uh, dinner will be
ready in 15 minutes.

Well, yeah, I know.
Beaver just told me.

Oh, uh, yeah, I just
wanted to be sure you knew.

Oh, sure.

Do you see what I
mean? Isn't that terrible?

It certainly is. Now, where would
Wally get a load of a thing like that?

Well, it seems Eddie Haskell saw it on one
of those young movie stars who's a hero.

And he came to school
with his combed that way,

and now all of a sudden,
it's the thing to do.

Well, spring's the season
of the year for that sort of

thing. He'll probably have it
combed another way tomorrow.

I think we should let him
know we don't approve of it.

Well, that's a little hard to do,
dear, with the Rutherford boy here.

I tell you what. I'll sort
of hint around about

it at supper tonight. I
think he'll get the idea.

Well, uh...

Uh, Beaver, do you
have anything to say?

Yes, sir.

Lumpy's shovin' his carrots
under his mashed potatoes.

I was gonna eat 'em,
Mr. Cleaver. I was just

savin' 'em so I could wash
'em down with my milk.

Fine, Clarence.

Well, uh, Wally,

don't your mother
and I detect a slight

difference in the way
you're combing your hair?

Gee, Dad, I didn't
think you'd notice.

Mr. Cleaver, Eddie Haskell and all
the guys are combin' their hair like that.

Well, Clarence, I
notice that you’re not.

I would comb my hair like Wally's, Mrs.
Cleaver, but I got a funny-shaped head.

Oh, really? I hadn't noticed.

Daddy says it's because when I was
a baby, I slept on one side too much.

Yeah, it is kinda lopsided.

Beaver.

Uh, you know, fellas, it's a
funny thing, speaking of fads...

We weren't speakin' of fads. We were
speakin' about Lumpy's lopsided head.

Yes. What I was
about to say is...

there are always a lot of fellows
who follow every fad that comes along.

But they're also
always a few who, uh—

Well, who have enough individuality
to sort of go their own way.

- You know what I mean, Wally?
- Yeah. Just like squares.

Uh, eat your vegetables, boys.

Ward, what are you doing?

Reading Paul Revere's Ride. Why?

I want to see how it comes out.

Dear, would you
do me a favor? Sure.

Would you go up and ask Wally to
stop combing his hair like a tango dancer?

June, a boy wouldn't ruin his appearance
like that unless it was the thing to do.

I've seen lots of other boys
with their hair combed that way.

But Wally isn't "lots
of boys." He's ours.

And I don't want him going
around looking ridiculous.

You know, when
I was Wally's age,

you wore dirty
corduroy pants to school.

My mother ruined my
social standing for an entire

semester when she threw
mine in the washing machine.

Well, what's wrong with that?

It was the style to wear dirty
cords and spotless white shirts.

She should have waited.

Six months later, it was the style to
wear spotless cords and dirty white shirts.

Well, I don't want to wait six
months for Wally to change his hair.

Oh, please go up, Ward. It should
be the easiest thing in the world.

It should be, but it isn't.

I mean, you—you
can't just walk up to a

13-year-old boy and
tell him he looks horrible.

I wish you'd have been that
considerate of my feelings

last year when I brought
home that sack dress.

I'll go up and speak to him.

This is different hair junk than the
hair junk you used before. Yeah, I know.

This is neater stuff.
It's, uh—It's "solider."

Gee whiz. When you lie
down, won't your hair bend?

No. I think it's
guaranteed not to bend.

But won't it leave sticky
spots on the pillow?

Uh-uh. It's supposed to
dry out and then get hard.

You mean like cement? Yeah.
Yeah, somethin' like cement.

[Knocking] [Door Opens]

Well, fellas, you about
ready for bed? Yeah, Dad.

Wally's puttin' junk on his hair so
it'll still look good when he's asleep.

Oh, well, that's—that's fine.

You want somethin',
Dad? Oh, no. No, I, uh...

I just came up to see
if Beaver would like me

to hear his poem again
before he went to bed.

Oh, sure, Dad. "One if
by land and two if by sea...

"and I on the opposite shore will be
ready to ride and spread the alarm...

through every middle-aged village and farm
for the country folk to be up and to arm."

Well, that's getting there.

Say, Wally, speaking of school,

aren't they having tryouts for
the swimming team this week?

Yeah, Dad. I thought I'd go out
for it. I thought you said you were.

I was just thinking,
though, isn't the way you're

combing your hair gonna
be kind of a handicap?

Huh? Well, you know,
you might get to swimming,

and your hair gets
down right in your eyes,

and, well, you could bump right
smack into the end of the pool. [Chuckles]

Gee, Dad, I never
thought of that.

Yeah, well, just a
thought. Good night, fellas.

Good night, Dad.
Good night, Dad.

Oh, by the way, Beaver.
It's not "middle-aged

village and farms."
It's Middlesex.

Yeah, Dad, I know.

Well, did you tell him to
comb his hair the right way?

Well, I wasn't blunt,
and I wasn't cruel. I, uh...

I just mentioned in a sensible
way that his present hairdo...

might interfere with his
making the swimming team.

I think you'll see a
different boy in the morning.

Coffee? Well, it tastes
a little like coffee.

Uh-huh.

[Footsteps On Stairs]

Thanks, Mom. You're nice.
Good-bye, Dad. Good-bye, Beave.

Hey, Beave. You know your poem?

Sure, Dad. "One if by
land and two if by sea...

"and I on the opposite shore shall be
ready to ride and spread the alarm...

to every middle-sized
village and farm."

Good-bye, Dad. Beaver,
where's your brother?

He's upstairs
combin' out his hair.

Oh. "For country folk
to be up and to arm."

Good-bye.

Well, you see? "Combing
out his hair." Well.

Hi, Dad. Hi, Mom. Hi.

Thanks, Mom. So long,
Dad. So long, Mom.

[Sighs] "Oh, he'll be a
different boy in the morning."

Honest, Ward, he just
looks like a— like a gangster.

The next thing, he's gonna be wearing
a leather jacket and motorcycle boots.

Come now, dear. You've been watching
too many of those live television shows.

Wouldn't you think he could
see how ridiculous he looks to us?

I'm sure he will see
sooner or later, June.

But in the meantime, it's
practically impossible for

parents to make a boy see
himself through their eyes.

Well, I wish he'd see himself
through somebody's eyes.

I've just about had enough of
this. You know how boys are, June.

Probably every kid in his class
has his hair cut the same way.

We couldn't be so cruel as
to force him to be different.

Good-bye, dear. Bye.

[Door Opens]

[Door Closes] [Sighs]

Could I have the
principal's office, please?

Mr. Haller? This
is Mrs. Cleaver.

I'm fine. Thank you. I, um...

I wondered if I could come
in and see you this morning.

I'd like to talk to you
about my boy, Wally.

That'd be fine.

Well, I'll see you
at 10:00 then.

Good-bye.

I wonder if I should wear a hat.

- Good morning, Mrs. Cleaver.
- Hello, Clarence.

Is Wally in some kind of
trouble, they asked you to come?

Oh, no, I'm here to see the
principal about something else.

- I guess you noticed my hair, huh?
- Yes.

Wait till Wally and Eddie
and the guys see it. They'll flip.

Oh, I'm sure they
will, Clarence.

Well, good-bye, Mrs.
Cleaver. Good-bye, Clarence.

Good morning, Mrs. Cleaver.
Good morning, Mr. Haller.

Won't you come in
now, please? Thank you.

I'm sorry to have kept you
waiting. Oh, that's all right.

Please sit down. Thank you.

When you called, I got your boy's
record out and I've been looking it over.

He certainly is a fine student, and
an excellent athlete I understand.

Oh, it's not about his schoolwork,
Mr. Haller. We're very pleased.

Surely Wally isn't misbehaving
at home. No, it's not that.

Well, just what is
it, Mrs. Cleaver?

Well, it's—it's his hair.

Well, uh, is he having
any kind of trouble with it?

No. It's the way
he's combing it.

It's down in the front and up
on the sides and— Oh, yes, yes.

Recently here at school we've had
an outbreak of rather strange haircuts.

I believe that particular
one is called a... jelly roll.

Mr. Haller, couldn't the school forbid
the boys to wear that kind of a haircut?

Well, of course, if it does get too
ridiculous, we have to clamp down,

but if a boy comes to
school clean and neat,

we don't tell him
how to comb his hair.

After all, it's one of the
first forms of self-expression.

Self-expression,
to look like a freak?

Now they don't
look at it that way.

You see, it's a
matter of conformity.

They, uh—They conform
by not conforming.

Well, I would think a boy
would be embarrassed

to look so ridiculous
with such a hair comb.

No, he won't be embarrassed as long as
his classmates are doing the same thing.

But sooner or later, every intelligent
boy realizes the embarrassment...

of going around with his hair combed
like a— like a piece of French pastry.

By the time they
reach the upper grades,

the majority of boys have more serious
things to think about than their hair.

Then you wouldn't suggest that I
order Wally to comb his hair differently?

No, I wouldn't make this an issue
between you and your son, Mrs. Cleaver.

I'm sure Wally's intelligent
enough to outgrow it in time.

Well, my husband said
practically the same thing, but,

well, I wanted to get the
opinion of someone who knew.

I mean, someone who's had
more experience with boys.

Well, Mr. Haller, I'll try to be
as patient as I can with Wally.

Thank you very much. Not at all.

And I wouldn't be too
discouraged, Mrs. Cleaver.

I'm sure that eventually Wally
will give up this hairstyle...

and turn to something
more mature,

uh, like jamming himself into a
phone booth with 26 other boys.

Thank you so much. Not at all.

Good-bye. Good-bye.

Pass the sugar, dear, please?

- What'd you say, dear?
- The sugar?

Oh.

Beaver.

Well, Beaver, how'd you make
out today at school with your poem?

Well, when they came to my hunk,
I couldn't remember the first word,

so Miss Landers went
on to the next hunk.

You knew it very
well this morning.

Well, a lot of other guys
didn't know their hunks either.

That must have left quite a
few holes in Paul Revere's Ride.

Hey, Mom, Lumpy said he saw you
hangin' around the high school today.

Did they talk you into makin'
those cakes for Mother's Club again?

Well, not this time, Wally.

Well, uh, how was
swimming practice?

I decided not to
go out for the team.

You, uh, decided not to go out?

I told Eddie Haskell what you said
about bumpin' into the end of pool.

He said if I went out for the team,
they'd make me chop all my hair off.

Can I be excused? Certainly.

Me too? Yes, Beaver.

Hey, Dad, will you hear me
on Paul Revere again tonight?

Miss Landers is gonna give me another
chance on my hunk again tomorrow.

That's fine, Beaver.

Well, there you are, Ward. Wally
quit swimming because of his hair.

Dear, I can't make
him go out for the team.

It looks as though nowadays no
one can make a boy do anything.

Now, look, June.

Wally's wearing his hair this
way is not really hurting him or us.

Now, why don't we
just take Mr. Haller's

advice and give him a
chance to grow out of it.

All right, dear. I'll give Wally
every chance in the world.

But what are people gonna think of
us when they see him on the street?

Well, if every boy in
his class has the same

haircut, how's anyone
gonna know he's ours?

[Phone Ringing] Oh, I'll get it.

[Ringing]

Hello. Oh, hello, Fred.

- Ward, have I ever
been one to be subtle?
- No, Fred.

You, uh—You never have.

Fred Rutherford.

Well, then I'll get
right to the point.

Our boy, Clarence, came home
today looking perfectly ghastly.

- Oh, Lumpy?
- He's wearing a most distressing hairdo.

He tells me he
copied it from your boy.

Frankly, Ward, it's
destroyed the boy's looks.

Fred, I can't believe
that's possible.

Yes, indeed. His
mother is very upset.

We sent him to school this
morning a fine strapping boy,

and tonight he came home
looking like a rather ugly girl.

Well, Fred, we have somewhat
the same problem here, but after all...

May I ask what you're
planning to do about it?

Well, I'm trying to
remember how I felt when I

was Wally's age and
followed some schoolboy fad.

I'm trying to be understanding and
to realize that a silly looking hairdo...

is not half as bad as a lot of
other things he might take up.

- In other words, you're doing nothing.
- I'm just waiting for the boy's
good sense to take over.

Well, nice having your
thoughts on the problem, Ward.

Though I can't say I agree
with your do-nothing policy.

Yes. Well, good-bye, Fred.

Boy, he's really upset.

He claims Wally is
ruining Clarence's looks.

I saw Lumpy's head in school.

I suppose next we're gonna hear
from Tooey and Chester's parents.

You know, maybe I ought to just go up
and tell Wally to get rid of that hairdo.

Well, dear, I thought we were
gonna follow Mr. Haller's advice...

and let Wally outgrow it.

Yeah, that is what
we're doing, isn't it?

That's right, dear.

I wonder if we weren't
happier in the old days

when we weren't
allowed to outgrow things.

Boy, wait till Eddie sees this!

Wally, you gotta put that
junk on your hair every night?

Sure.

What'll happen if
you take a bath?

I think it's guaranteed
waterproof.

No matter how many baths
you took, they couldn't hurt it.

Boy, that's neat.

Beaver, would you pipe down?
You're makin' me nervous.

Wally! Beaver! You're
gonna be late for school.

Your father already
left for the office.

[Beaver] Comin', Mom!

[Footsteps On Stairs]

Beaver!

Beaver. Yeah,
Mom, it's me all right.

Beaver, what have
you done to yourself?

Gee, Mom, I just wanted my
hair to look good like Wally's.

Theodore, you march
right up those stairs

and you comb that
hair the way it should be!

Now you go in my
room and comb that.

I'm gonna go in and talk
to your brother. Yes, Mom.

Wallace Cleaver,
you go right in that

bathroom, wash that
grease out of your hair,

comb it and you get
it cut right tomorrow.

Well, gee, Mom. Why?

Because I tell
you to, that's why.

I'm not having you go out on the public
streets embarrassing your father and me...

with that—with
that hideous head!

Gee, Mom. You mean you
and Dad are embarrassed?

How could this embarrass anyone?

Wally.

Wally, do you remember
a couple of years ago...

when Beaver found
that old hat of mine?

Yeah. Yeah, it kinda
had flowers on it.

And you took him to
Sunday school and he insisted

on wearing it all the
way down Grant Avenue?

Yeah. Boy, I wanted to walk
on the other side of the street.

Well, that's exactly the way your
father and I feel about this hair of yours.

Gee, no foolin',
Mom? As bad as that?

As bad as that.

Oh, Wally, I know
this is probably a big

thing at school with
Eddie and the other boys,

but I want you to change it.

Oh, sure, Mom. Heck,
it isn't such a big thing.

Anyway, I wouldn't want you
and Dad to feel as creepy as I did...

when Beaver wore your
hat to Sunday school.

Hey, Mom. You didn't
think I was gonna keep my

hair like this for the
rest of my life, did you?

No, Wally. We knew you'd
grow up with good sense,

but what's wrong with having
good sense on the way?

Yeah, sure, Mom.

You know, it's just too
bad Eddie Haskell isn't

lucky enough to have
parents that yell at him.

Wally, anything new at your
school? Well, kinda, Dad.

- I went out for the swimming team.
- Well, that's fine.

Yeah. The only thing is the coach gave
out all the swimming trunks yesterday.

So I'm gonna have to swim in my own until
some guy my size gets bounced off the team.

- Gee, that's neat.
- Well, Beaver, you had another chance
at your poem today. How'd you do?

I got 90 on my
hunk of Paul Revere.

Why didn't you get a hundred?

On account of I said
"middle-sized village and farm."

- Oh.
- It's really Middlesex.

Well, that's— That's
a pretty fair mark.

Um, hey, Dad?

About my hair and everything,
could you kind of do me a favor?

- Yeah, I guess so.
- Well, from now on,

every time I do
somethin' kind of creepy,

well, could you tell
me it's kind of creepy?

Every time, Wally?

Oh, I don't think so. That'd
take half the joy out of childhood.