Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 2, Episode 30 - Beaver's Newspaper - full transcript

[Announcer] Leave It To Beaver.

Starring Barbara Billingsley,

Hugh Beaumont,

Tony Dow...

and Jerry Mathers...

as the Beaver.

Good morning, dear. Morning.

Well, I'm going to paint the
patio table today. Oh, good.

- Dear, this coffee's cold.
- I don't know why.

I just poured it 20 minutes ago
when you said you'd be right down.

[Clattering]



What's going on out there? I have Wally
and the Beaver cleaning up the garage.

On Saturday? Uh-huh.

Oh. I thought Wally had a date with
Tooey. Oh, he's meeting Tooey later.

I thought those boys
should just start doing

things together again
the way they used to do.

- They've always had so much fun.
- Well, I suppose so.

I don't think it's anything
you can force, though.

Well, dear, they're brothers.

That's what I mean.

I'll say one thing—getting
them to clean that garage

out is a tribute to your
feminine powers of persuasion.

Well, dear, you know, the hand
that rocks the cradle rules the world.

You suppose that same hand
could get me some cream and sugar?

- Hey, Wally, this is fun, isn't it?
- Heck no. I missed going
roller-skating with Tooey...



and, well, some other people.

Other people? I'll bet
you had a date with a girl.

I did not. Well...

Just because a bunch of girls
want to go to the skating rink...

on Saturday morning,
I can't stop 'em.

- It’s a free country.
- Oh, sure.

Hey, Wally, look at the neat
globe. We could put it up in our room.

Nah. That one's out-of-date.
They've rearranged

the whole world a
couple times since then.

Gee. Why would they
wanna rearrange the world?

Well, I don't know. Maybe they do
it so you have to buy new globes.

Yeah.

Gee, Wally, a typing
machine. Yeah.

That's that old beat-up typewriter
Dad used to have. He gave it to me.

- How come you don't use it?
- Well, it didn't work so good
after I dropped it.

Oh.

[Bell Rings] Hey,
Wally, what's the bell for?

That's a signal you came to the end
of a line and you gotta start a new one.

I guess a typewriter's just about
the smartest machine there is.

Yeah, I guess so.

Hey, Wally, maybe we could fix it
up and typewrite junk, huh, Wally?

That'd be neat fun. Well,
what could we typewrite?

I don't know.

We could just typewrite anything
and make believe it's somethin'.

Ah, come on, Beaver. Making
believe fun is just kid stuff.

You didn't think so that time up at
the lake when we made that raft...

and sailed it all the
way out to that island and

made believe we were
looking for buried treasure.

- Heck, Beaver,
that was when I was just a kid.
- It was last summer!

That's what I said.

Look, Beaver. Don't you know that in
eight years I'm gonna be able to vote?

Gee whiz, Wally. You
sure grew up in a hurry.

Come on. Let's get finished. If we hurry,
Harriet might still be at the skating rink.

Harriet? Who's Harriet?

Oh, uh, Harriet Adams.

Is she one of those
girls you can't keep from

goin' there on account
of it's a free country?

Look, Beaver,
will you cut it out?

What about the patio
table? I'll catch it next week.

What happened to
your garage cleaners?

Well, Wally sat up in his room, acting
imposed on, till Chester came over.

Chester heard they're
moving a house down the

Elm Street hill. So
Wally went off with him.

That would attract a couple
of boys. It certainly would.

Chester said they might get lucky and
the house would get away from the movers.

I may go over later
myself. Where's Beaver?

Oh, he and Larry Mondello
left with the coaster wagon.

They took that old typewriter
with them they found in the garage.

The one I gave Wally? Uh-huh.

That's a wreck. Maybe
they're gonna sell it for junk.

Gus, do you think you can
fix its insides so it'll work?

Well, I'm not an
expert, but, uh,

I might be able to tinker it
back into writin' condition.

What's this thing here?

Well, you see, you
press the key here,

and the letter goes up
here and hits the ribbon.

The ribbon has ink on it, and that's
what prints the letters on the paper.

Everybody knows
that. Did you know it?

Well, I didn't know
it as good as Gus,

but I knew it better than you.

Well, I better go out back
and get my special oil can.

Will the oil help it, Gus?

Well, there's hardly anything
my special oil won't help.

I've rubbed that on everything
from a squeaky axle to a sore elbow.

Be back in a minute.

Hey, Beave, after we
get the typewriter fixed,

how about you and
me bein' partners on it?

I don't know, Larry.

If you let me be partners
on your typewriter,

I'll let you be partners
on my ant village.

An ant village isn't worth
as much as a typewriter,

well, especially when
all your ants are dead.

Yeah, but look at
the chance I'm takin'.

How do I know your
typewriter will even work?

Gus can maybe fix my typewriter,
but nobody can fix your ants.

This oughta do it
all right. [Chuckles]

Let's see. A couple of
shots here in the ribs,

and one here in the carburetor.

There. That's loosenin' her up.

Boy, Gus, I bet you could
fix just about anything.

Well, I can fix clocks and
wagons and bicycles...

Stuff like that.

But if a feller come in
here from Washington...

with one of them satellite gadgets
under his arm that was on the blink,

I wouldn't even know
how to get the cover off.

Hi. Hi.

Well, um, Wally, did the house get away
from the movers on the Elm Street hill?

Nah. At the last minute they chickened
out and took it around by Grant Avenue.

Don't be discouraged, Wally.
There'll be other houses and other hills.

Wally, dinner will be
ready soon. Well, okay.

You had a phone call
about a half an hour ago.

Yeah? Who was it, Mom? Harriet
Adams. She's anxious to talk to you.

Ah, she's silly.

Well, that's funny. On
the phone she sounded

very sophisticated,
charming and intelligent.

Yeah, that's what I mean—silly.

Oh, three vegetables?

Larry Mondello is staying for
supper and he doesn't like broccoli.

I had a feeling he wouldn't.

[Typewriter Clacking]

Hi, Wally. I'm
stayin' for dinner.

Hey, what are you guys
doing? We're typewritin'.

Gus fixed the typewriter for us, and me
and Beaver are gonna start a newspaper.

Yeah, we already got two whole
ads and a whole bunch of news...

and we're gonna get a
whole lot more tomorrow.

You're not doin' all
that on my typewriter.

Gee, Wally, how can it be yours?
When we found it, it was throwed away.

Yeah, well, I'm the one who
threw it away, so it's still mine.

Come on, Larry. Get
away from my typewriter.

Boy! You know what you are,
Wally? You're a dog in the manger.

Listen, Larry. You
watch what you're sayin'.

Gee, it's just a story
we had in school.

- Yeah? Well, watch it anyway.
- Hey, Wally, cut that out!

- Boys, dinner will be ready
in— - Dad, make Wally stop that!

What's going on here? They're
wreckin' my typewriter, Dad.

It's not his typewriter,
Dad. We rescued it

from the junk pile and
Gus fixed it up for us.

That's right, Mr. Cleaver. I
was right there all the time.

Wally, you haven't
touched that typewriter in

two years. I think
you're being very selfish.

- So do I.
- Never mind, Beaver.

Gee, Dad. Can't I have
anything in this house that's mine?

Do I have to share everything with
my kid brother? Now look, Wally.

Beaver did find the
typewriter and he had it fixed.

I think if he has a
use for it, you shouldn't

object. Don't you
think that's fair?

Well, if you're gonna
make me be fair, okay.

- You see, Wally. Aah.
- That's enough of that, Beaver.

And if Wally has
a good use for the

typewriter, I expect
you to share it with him.

Yes, sir.

All right, now dinner will
be ready in a few minutes.

Mr. Cleaver?

- Are we havin' broccoli?
- You're not, Larry.

Hey, you guys, I got some news
you can put in your newspaper.

- Yeah, Wally? What?
- Larry and Beaver
are a couple of knuckleheads.

Boy.

Well, it's pretty neat anyway,
Beaver, your father sidin' with you.

At my house, they're always
sidin' with my older sister.

Yeah? How come? On account of
if they didn't, she gets headaches.

Oh. Couldn't you
get headaches, Larry?

Uh-uh. She thought of it first.

What was the argument about?

Oh. Well, Beaver got the typewriter fixed
and he and Larry are starting a newspaper,

so Wally wanted
the typewriter back.

I wish they wouldn't
fight. They used to get

along so well together
and had so much fun.

I hate to see them grow
up. It's a law of nature.

Why, I suppose even a vulture
hates to see its young grow up.

Nothing personal,
dear. I should hope not.

Hi, Mom. Well, Wally.

You're home from
school early today. Yeah.

Hey, Mom. Did I get
any calls? No. Why?

Oh, I don't know. I told
Harriet Adams to stop callin' me,

so I thought she might have
called just to bother me. Oh.

Hey, Mom, are Larry and Beaver up in
the room messin' around with my typewriter,

trying to get that
goofy newspaper out?

Well, Beaver's up there.
Larry's home sick today.

No wonder. The
way he ate last night.

Wally, would you do
me a very big favor?

Sure, Mom.

In a few years, you're gonna
be going away to school...

and, well, you won't be
with your brother anymore.

You can understand
that, can't you?

Sure, Mom. And in a
few years I'll be voting too.

Yes.

Well, in the time that
you are here together,

it would make me very happy if you'd
be as nice as you can to Theodore.

- Would you do that for me?
- Oh, sure, Mom.

I'll go up there and I'll talk to him. And
I'll even pretend like I still like him.

I was hoping you could
do a little bit better than that.

Oh, sure, Mom.

[Typewriter Clacking Slowly]

Hi, Wally. I'm
not talking to you.

Okay, so you're
not talking to me.

♪♪ [Humming]

That's not botherin' me.

Okay, so it's not botherin' you.

Well, what is botherin' you?

I guess it's the typewriter.

Well, I typed the right letters,
but I don't get the right words.

[Chuckles]

I'll never get 24 copies out with
you botherin' me and Larry sick.

I'm not botherin' you. But you
got the carbons in backwards.

Oh.

Here. Let me show you.

There. Thanks.

Hey, uh, want me to
type a couple for you?

Well, I guess you could.

There. Thanks.

Here's the news
and these are the ads.

"Notice. At 8509 Grant Avenue,

"there is some boys every
day that is throwing dirt...

"in Linda Thompson's
and Shelly Thompson's hair.

"Mrs. Thompson
would like if the boys...

would throw dirt in other kids'
hairs besides Linda's and Shelly's."

We got 15 cents for that one.

Oh. Uh...

Do you want me to change it
around so it makes a little more sense?

Oh, no. That's the way
the people told it to us.

Okay.

"Weather report. This
week there was no weather,

"so the paper does not have any.

Next week the paper will
have weather if there is any."

Larry wrote that.

Oh. Let me see here. Um... No.

Wally, how come
you're helpin' me?

I thought you were mad at me.

I'm still mad, but,

well, I don't want people readin' this
and thinkin' I got a goof for a brother.

Oh. Gee, thanks, Wally.

[Ward Clears Throat]
"Maple Drive News.

"Editor-in-chief, Beaver Cleaver.
Editor-in-staff, Lawrence Mondello.

"Temporary sick.

Typewriting, Wally 'Cleager'?"

Well, dear, let's just
blame that on the machine.

"Dog fight. There was a
dog fight at Vista Drive.

"The dogs were Chief that
lives at 8718 Lakeview Terrace...

"and another dog who
we don't know his address.

"The dogs was not hurt.

"If you see the other
dog, tell him to go home,

even though you don't
know where he lives."

[Chuckles] Here. Read this one.

All right. "Correct Time.

"You want to know the correct
time, call the phone company,

but do not talk to the lady
because she is a record."

Well, anyway, I think it's sweet of
Wally to help him with the newspaper.

[Door Closes] [Beaver] Mom!

Mom! Mom, we're all delivered.

Hi, Dad. We got rid of all 24 copies.
Except two that fell in a puddle.

Beaver got a lot more news
and a lot of ads from people.

Yeah, 35 cents worth. One
of the ads is a missin' cat,

but I can't tell you the news 'cause
a lot of it won't happen till tomorrow.

Well, you fellows hurry
up. Your father's hungry.

Boy, this is the
neatest job I ever had!

[Chuckles] Wally.

Wally, I just wanted to
thank you for changing

your attitude and for
helping the Beaver.

He's getting a big kick
out of this. Sure, Dad.

It's a lot of fun for
me too, you know,

watchin' the Beaver
get a kick out of kid stuff.

Hey, what are you doin'? I'm figurin'
out how I made out with the newspaper.

I spent a dollar and 25
cents for paper and carbon.

Then I got a dollar
and six cents for ads.

And then 44 cents from the
people who bought the paper.

Hey, that's pretty good. Yeah.

Then you and me
bought those two sodas...

and I bought myself a
comic book and gum for you.

It sounds like you lost
about 50 cents. Yeah.

Next time I'm gonna keep my
own money in a separate pocket.

Yeah. If you keep this up,
you could lose a million dollars.

Gee whiz. And I'm
only nine years old.

Hello, Beaver. Hi, Mom.

I got a "B" plus in spelling. I don't
want anything. I'm going upstairs.

Is Wally home yet? Well, he's
up in the room. What's the hurry?

Wally's gonna help me type
up the newspaper again...

'cause we gotta get the new edition
finished and delivered by tonight.

[Object Rattling]

Hey, Wally, you get the
typewriter and I'll get the carbons...

Hey, Wally, what are
you doin' with that stuff on?

Gee, Beave, I got a baseball
game this afternoon over at Madison.

Wally, you can't go
play baseball. You gotta

stay here and help
me type the newspaper.

But, heck. The coach and
all the guys are pickin' me up.

I'm first-string
shortstop. If I'm not there,

look at the hole it'll
leave in the infield.

Yeah, but look at the hole
it'll leave in my newspaper.

Yeah, well, maybe you
could— [Car Horn Honks]

Well, look, Beave. I gotta go now.
Maybe you could get Larry to help you.

[Door Closes] How can he help me
when he's home with a sore stomach?

Wally! I thought you were going
to help Beaver with the newspaper.

Well, heck, Mom. I
got a baseball game.

Dad would holler at me if I ever
quit the team. [Car Horn Honks]

Well, all right, if you have
to go. Don't play too hard.

Oh, I won't, Mom.

Next?

"The frozen stick
ice-cream man...

"was around yesterday,

"and also Johnny, the ice-cream
man, was around yesterday.

"If they both come
around again tomorrow,

buy it from Johnny."

Beaver, is that an
ad or is that news?

Well, it's really an ad,

but Johnny said make
it sound like news.

Oh. Is that about all?

Yeah. Now stick Larry and
my name down at the top.

All right.

- There.
- And put yours down as the typewriter.

Oh, well, uh, that's
very nice, Beaver,

but, uh, I don't think so.

There you are. Thanks
for helpin' me, Mom.

It's almost as good as havin'
Wally help me. Thank you, Beaver.

And besides, you won't ever
run off and play baseball on me.

No, but don't forget.

One of these days both
of you will run off on me.

Oh, I wouldn't do that, Mom.

Well, you think you won't
now, but I'm sure you will.

Well, if you say so, I guess
I will, but I sure won't like it.

Beaver?

You know, I was wrong, trying to
force you and Wally to do things together.

Well, everything just
won't stay the way it was.

And Wally's growing up and...

it's only natural for him
to have other interests.

Yeah, I guess I can have fun
just gettin' to use him a little bit.

Of course you can.

You can both have fun
without anyone forcing it.

[Ward] June? We're in here.

Oh, dear, there's some pots and pans
on the stove that need a mother's love.

Hmm? They were boiling over.

Oh, dear. [Chuckles]

Dad, look.

The second edition of the Maple
Drive News. Mom's a real good typer.

Well. That was very nice of
your mother to help you, Beaver.

She has a lot of things to do.

Yeah, everybody's
got a lot of stuff to do.

Wally had to go play baseball,

and Larry's gotta stay
home and rest his stomach.

You know, Beaver,
uh, Wally's growing up,

and he's developing
other interests.

You two can't always
do everything together.

Yeah, Mom kind
of explained that.

I've been thinking.

You have homework and
other things to do after school.

Maybe you should
give the paper up.

You're always saying when
a guy's doing something,

he should stick to it
and not be a quitter.

I guess I do say that a lot.

Yeah. Right now,

I wouldn't mind being a quitter,
but I sure don't wanna look like one.

Well, of course, some of
the biggest newspapers

in the country have
gone out of business.

Did they look like
they chickened out?

Oh, no.

They made it look like a very
sentimental and touching occasion.

How'd they do that?

[Typewriter Clacking]

There you are.

"Final edition.
Maple Drive News."

You know, Dad, you and Mom must be the
smartest mom and dad in the whole world.

[Chuckles] Well,
we're not, Beaver,

but if you want to
think so, it's fine with us.

You mean, Beaver, your mother said Wally
would go away to college sometime, huh?

Yeah. And he's
gonna get to vote too.

Hey, Larry, when did
your brother go away?

When he got married.

Do you ever get
to play with him?

No. When people get married,
you can't play with them.

Yeah. I guess they're too big.

Yeah, and besides,

they got a lot of worrying
junk on their minds.

And even if they played with
you, they wouldn't have any fun.

Gee whiz. How do people have fun
when they're married and have a family?

They go out to dinner.

Yeah. I guess when you're that old,
you don't mind getting dressed up.