Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 2, Episode 28 - Beaver's Hero - full transcript

[Announcer] Leave It To Beaver.

Starring Barbara Billingsley,

Hugh Beaumont,

Tony Dow...

and Jerry Mathers...

as the Beaver.

Wally, how come
you're puttin' on a tie?

You're only goin' to school.
We're takin' class pictures today.

Mr. Haines says if
you don't wear a tie,

you automatically get
a "D" in cooperation.

That's like at our school. If you don't
eat all the junk you buy in the cafeteria,



you automatically get
an "F" in citizenship.

Yeah, that's why
I'm wearin' a tie.

That's why I eat all that junk.

Hey, Wally, Miss
Landers is sick. Oh?

So is Larry. But they
got different things.

- Anyway, we got
a substitute teacher.
- Yeah?

Mr. Willet, the
assistant principal.

Oh, yeah. I remember
him from the eighth grade.

He's neat. He tells stories.

Yeah. He tells 'em so good, you
don't even know you're learnin' stuff.

Yeah. Yesterday he was
tellin' us about the World War.

- Yeah? Which World War?
- You mean there was a lot of 'em?

Well, there was two of
'em that I heard about.

I think it was the one with
President Eisenhower in it.



Yeah. That's the
one Dad was in too.

Hurry up, boys, or you’re
gonna be late for school.

I had to put a tie on, Mom.
Your lunches are down the hall.

Mom, were Dad and
Mr. Eisenhower both in the same war?

Well, yes, Beaver. Why?

I don't know.
But it's somethin',

havin' your father in the
same war with the president.

Well, yes. I guess it is.

The formal surrender took place aboard
the battleship Missouri in Tokyo Bay.

- Mr. Whitney.
- Who, me?

Yes. I spoke to you yesterday about
making faces at Miss Hensler, didn't I?

I wasn't making
faces, Mr. Willet.

I just can't help laughing
when I look at her.

Be that as it may, I wish
we would restrain ourselves...

until the finish
of World War II.

[Laughing] All right.

Does anyone have anything
to add to this discussion?

- Mr. Cleaver.
- My father was in
World War II.

Well, that's—that's—
That's very interesting.

I have an uncle who
was almost a general.

- Is that so, Gilbert?
- Yes, sir.

He was a sergeant.

My father was a hero in the war.

And he had an airplane
with his name on it,

and he flew it all
over the whole war.

When the war was finished, he
didn't even have to give it back,

unless he wanted to.

Well, that was very
generous of him, Judy.

Now, as I was
saying— [Bell Ringing]

Well, now, we have
our assignments.

And if we finish early, we can
continue this discussion tomorrow.

All right. Class dismissed. Good
afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

[Chattering]

Mr. Willet. Yes?

Here's a list of everybody who
talked when you were out of the room.

Thank you, Miss Hensler.

Hey, Gilbert, what
were you talking about,

your uncle bein'
almost a general?

There's a whole lot of guys
between a sergeant and a general.

- Not in the marines.
- Was your father a general, Beaver?

Uh, I don't think so.

Then what was he?

Well, he was a hero.

Aw, you're just
sayin' that, Beaver.

- I'll bet he wasn't a real hero.
- He was too.

He's got a great big
trunk out in the garage,

and it's full of guns
and hand grenades...

and all kinds of stuff
he took off enemy guys.

How about that! Boy!

Gee whiz, Beaver.
That's real neat.

You're just makin' all that
up 'cause you're such a liar.

I am not! You
better take that back!

I will not. You better or else!

You can't hit me. I'm a girl.

Yeah, what a funny-lookin' girl!

Here, here, children.
What's going on here?

Judy's pickin' on Beaver.

I am not, Mr. Willet. Beaver's
tellin' a whole bunch of lies...

about his father bein' a war hero and
having a whole bunch of guns and stuff.

Well, I'm sure if he said that,
we can count on it bein' the truth.

Can't we, Theodore?
Uh, yes, sir.

You know, if your
father wouldn't mind,

it might be very interesting to bring some
of those souvenirs for the class to see.

All right, now let's have no more of
this arguing out here in the halls, huh?

Yes, Mr. Willet.

Hey, Beaver, maybe you
could bring in a machine gun.

Yeah, or a real bayonet.
That'll show that Judy.

Boy, somebody
sure has to show her.

I knew you weren't
makin' it up, Beaver.

- You did, Whitey?
- Yeah.

A guy wouldn't wanna
make up stuff like that...

and look like a boob in
front of the whole class.

Yeah, a guy sure wouldn't.

[Car Horn Honking]

Ward?

- Ward?
- Yes, dear?

Well, there you are.

You usually come in
the back way. Well, it

gives a man a feeling
of real satisfaction...

to come in by his own front
door every once in a while.

What's that light
doing on in the garage?

Oh, the boys went out there about half an
hour ago. I hope they're not getting dirty.

I hope they're not
ruining my tools.

Hey, Wally, do you think Dad'll
mind us lookin' in his old war trunk?

Nah, he wouldn't have left those
keys hanging on that nail if he cared.

Yeah. Hey, Wally, look at that.

It's a big bee carrying a machine
gun, a wrench and a hammer.

I guess that's the kind
of outfit Dad was in.

If they missed the guys with a gun,
they could always hit 'em with the hammer.

Yeah. Boy, I sure hope there's a
lot of neat guns and stuff in here...

that I can take to school.

Boy, Dad sure knew a lot
of ladies in the olden days.

Heck, Beaver, they're
not ladies. They're all Mom.

Gee, I never knew Mom
was ever that young.

Gee, Beaver, everybody's
young once, even old people.

Hey, look at this!
Some kind of a sword.

Nah, that's a "T-square.
They use it to draw junk with.

Take a look at this. It's the bottom
of some kind of machine gun.

I don't know, Beaver.

Hey, look at this!

It's some kind of a gun barrel.

Nah, I, uh— I think
this is a telescope.

I'll bet Dad used it to
look for enemy planes.

[Imitating Gunfire]

I don't know.

What would he be doing with this
drawing board and all this other junk?

Well,

he probably drew
pictures of the planes...

so he'd know which
ones to shoot down.

Boy, there sure is
a lot of stuff in here.

Hey, look, Beave.
Two ladies with beards.

Hey, these aren't
ladies. These are guys.

And one of them's Dad.

Well, if he had a shave.

Do you, uh, mind
if I join the fun?

Oh, uh, hi, Dad.

Hi, Dad. We were just lookin'
through your old war trunk.

Well, I think you should have
asked your mother or me first.

Gee, Dad. We didn't
think you'd mind.

We didn't break
anything. Let me see that.

[Chuckles] That's
Charlie Vickers.

You wouldn't think to look at him that he
was one of the top architects in Chicago.

How many guys did
you kill in the war, Dad?

Well, Beaver, I didn't kill
anyone. I was in the Seabees.

Hey, Dad, what did you
do with this telescope?

That's a transit, Wally.

When we were building a
base, we'd sight through that...

to see, uh—well, to see
if the ground was level.

Gee, Dad, was all you did in the
war was see if the ground was level?

Well, I sure did a lot of it,
Beaver. Acres and acres.

Well, you guys better
get ready for supper.

Okay. Hey, Dad, do you
want us to pick this junk up?

No, I'll take care of it.

We're just gonna go up
and get washed, Mom. Yeah.

Okay. What's going on?

Oh, the boys were just looking
through this old trunk of mine.

Oh, Ward, did I ever
really look like that?

Uh-huh.

But I overlooked it and
married you anyway.

Beaver, what did you
have to go and tell all

the guys that stuff about
Dad bein' a war hero?

Well, I didn't mean
to tell 'em so much,

but I just started talkin'
and it all slipped out.

- Boy, Beaver.
- Gee, Wally, how was
I supposed to know...

that all Dad ever did in
the war was measure dirt?

It must have done some good,
or Dad wouldn't have done it.

Yeah, but Judy’s father
had his own plane named

after him, and he
flew it all over the war.

Ah, you know Judy. She's
probably just makin' that up too.

Yeah, but, gee, Wally...

Beaver! What is it, Mom?

Telephone. Okay, Mom.

He'll be right here. All right.

Who is it? It's Mr. Willet,
the assistant principal.

Is it Larry, Mom? He
was gonna call me up...

and tell me whether his throat
"swoled" up good enough...

so he wouldn't have to come to
school tomorrow. No, it's Mr. Willet.

Oh?

Hello, Mr. Willet.
It's I, Theodore.

Oh, hello, Theodore. I
was just thinking, Theodore,

if you could bring in
some of those souvenirs

of your father's
that you mentioned,

we could, uh, spend most of
tomorrow afternoon discussing them.

Well, uh...

- Yes, sir. I guess I could.
- Fine.

- I'm think the rest of
the children would enjoy it.
- Yes, sir.

Of course, you won't bring
anything in that's dangerous.

You'd, uh—You'd better
check with your father.

Uh...

Yes, sir. I will. Good-bye.

Well, Beaver, what
did Mr. Willet want?

Well, uh, he was talking about
stuff we talked about today in school.

He says we're gonna talk
about them again tomorrow.

If we talk about it.

Ward, do you think Beaver's
in some kind of trouble?

I don't know. Maybe
they were talking about

stuff they talked
about today in school...

that they're gonna talk about
tomorrow, if they talk about it.

Well, don't you think we
ought to question him?

Honey, never trouble
trouble till trouble troubles you.

And you were once
a philosophy major?

Hey, Wally, I think
this is gonna work, huh?

Well, maybe. You can't take any
hand grenades or guns or stuff,

so this goofy idea of yours is
probably the next best thing.

Yeah, and I can't
take Dad's dirt-leveler.

Got it finished, Wally? Yeah.

I made it a letter from
Dad to Mom from the war.

You know, just like the ones
we saw in the trunk, only better.

We can stick it in one of
his old army envelopes.

Read it, Wally.

- "Dear Mom—" -
Wally, he calls her June.

Oh, yeah.

"Dear June, I am sitting here
with my submachine gun...

"waiting for the
enemy to attack.

"They haven't arrived yet,
so I am writing you this letter.

"Me and all of the
other brave men...

have been here on Wake
Island for two weeks."

Wally, I thought we were
gonna make it Guadalcanal.

Well, I didn't think I could spell
it, so I put him on Wake Island.

That's okay.

"This morning I volunteered
for a dangerous patrol...

"and captured 65
prisoners single-handed,

"and the general said
'Good going, Ward.'

"He said he wished he
had more men like me.

I have to finish now, as I
hear the enemy approaching."

That's pretty good, but don't you think
you should stick some mushy talk in?

Heck, Beaver, Mr. Willet might
read it out loud to the class.

You don't want all the guys
to think Dad's a creep, do ya?

Yeah, you better leave it out.

Let's see. Oh, yeah.

"Signed, Your Friend, Ward.

"P.S. I got your last letter,

and I'm very sorry you lost all
those medals that I sent you."

Gee, Wally, what'd
you put that in for?

Well, if any of the guys ask you how
come you didn't bring any of his medals,

just show 'em this.

Wally, I don't think
this is gonna work.

Yeah, me neither. But I
sure had a lot of fun writin' it.

Wally, don't laugh. What
am I gonna do tomorrow?

Beaver, you've done this before. Why
do you always make up junk like that?

'Cause when you're sayin' it, everybody's
listenin' to you and you feel real neat.

Yeah, but sooner or later
you always get caught.

I know.

But I sure wish I could
remember that ahead of time.

Mom, where's Dad? He's
upstairs getting dressed.

Has a luncheon meeting today.

Oh. Do you want
something, Beaver?

No, I don't think so.

Mom, Wally says
you were young once.

Good for him.

Well, I know you're not old now. What I
mean is, once you were young like a kid.

Well, yes, Beaver. Once upon
a time, I was exactly your age.

- Were you a smart kid?
- Well, I'd say I was about average.

Uh-huh.

Did you ever go around
sayin' dumb stuff?

Dumb stuff?

Well, Beaver, in life, I guess everybody
says dumb stuff at some time or other.

Well, uh, when you were a kid...

and maybe you
made up a lot of stuff,

and people found
out you made it up,

would you have felt bad?

Well, I guess I would have,
if I'd been found out in a lie.

I guess it's always been
hard on kids, bein' kids.

Beaver, are you in
some kind of trouble?

Oh, gee, no, Mom. Why
would you think that?

Well, the way
you're talking, you s...

[Ward] June!

Beaver, do you wanna
talk about this now?

Uh, talk about what, Mom?

All right. You better run
along to school. Come on.

Ward? Yeah, I'm in here, dear.

Is something wrong?

Well, I came in to
look for that fountain

pen Wally borrowed
last night and found this.

"Dear June, I am sitting here
with my submachine gun waiting—"

"Sixty-five prisoners"?

Ward, why would Wally
write something like this?

Well, I've been
thinking it over.

You know, Beaver going out and
looking in my trunk for war souvenirs...

and Mr. Willet calling and
the boys writing this letter...

I think, for some reason or other, Beaver's
trying to make me out a hero at school.

And, you know, before he
left, he was worried about...

what would happen to someone
who made up "dumb stuff." Oh?

I think I better get a
hold of Mr. Willet and put

a stop to this before
Beaver gets in over his head.

Ward,

why all of a sudden would
Beaver try to make you out a hero?

Oh, well, all kids do, dear.

I remember when I was about
his age, I told everyone my father...

was the commander
of the Graf Zeppelin.

The day after it crashed, I
begged him not to leave the house.

M-E-N-T. Yes, that's
very good, Gilbert.

Now, Judy, your
word is "Philadelphia."

"Philadelphia."

Capital P-H-I-L-A-D-E-L-P-H-I-A.

- Why, that's— - "Philadelphia."

Very good. All
right. Now, Whitey,

your word is "whom."

Uh, "whom."

H-O-M-E. "Whom."

Well, I think there's a
"W" in there somewhere.

H-O-M-E-W. "Whom."

[Giggling] No, no, Whitey.

W-H-O-M. "Whom."

- Oh, that "whom"!
- Yes, that "whom."

Well, on the whole, I think we all did very
well with our spelling today. Yes, Judy?

Aren't we gonna have our discussion
period today like you promised?

Yes. Yes, of course.

Now, uh, we were discussing
World War II. Isn't that right?

Now, uh, as we were saying,

World War II has certain
unique causes all of its own.

As a matter of fact,
all wars have, uh—

Have certain
kinds of interesting

beginnings and peculiar
types of beginnings.

Now, you take the War of 1812.

Now, to understand
the War of 1812,

we must go back to
the Louisiana Purchase.

So, this afternoon, I think we'll
discuss the Louisiana Purchase.

At that time, the territory of
Louisiana was owned by France.

What happened to
World War II? Search me.

And Napoleon needed
money at that time...

to carry on his— His
war, uh, with England.

And as you all remember, that
great American, Benjamin Franklin...

Hi, Mom. Hello, Beaver.

How are you feeling this
afternoon? Oh, just great, Mom.

I stopped over to
see Larry Mondello.

Oh, that's right. Larry's sick.

Yeah. He's got an allergy from somethin'
the laundry put in his clean shirts.

- That's too bad.
- Yeah.

I guess from now on he's
gonna have to wear dirty shirts.

- Was everything all right
in school today?
- Oh, sure, Mom.

Well, your father's
in the living room.

He came home early
because he wants to talk to you.

Oh.

Maybe I don't feel so great.

You go on in there
and talk to him.

Hi, Dad. Uh, you want somethin'?

Yeah. Sit down.

Uh, Beaver,

you know what I found up
in your room this morning?

Uh, my sneakers I
threw under the bed?

No. I found a letter
from me to your mother...

when I was on Wake Island.

- Oh.
- Beave, why would you write
a thing like that?

Wally couldn't
spell Guadalcanal.

No, I mean, uh,

why would you make up
stuff about me and the war?

Well, I knew you were
in the war, and I figured,

if you were in the war,
you just had to be a hero.

Well, I'm glad you think
of me that way, Beaver,

but, uh, you know, there were thousands
of us in the service who weren't heroes.

Yeah, but a guy likes
to think his father was.

Well, I can understand that,

but I guess you're just gonna have
to take your old Dad the way he is.

Yeah, but when I
looked in your trunk,

I thought there'd be
guns and hand grenades...

instead of just...
tools and stuff.

Well, you see, Beaver,
they put a man...

where they thought he
could do the best job.

Now, I was an
engineer, so I could do a

better job with tools
than I could with guns.

There were lots of fellows in
the Seabees who were heroes,

but I just didn't happen
to be one of 'em.

You know, Dad,
I'll bet you were...

the best dirt-leveler
in the whole Seabees.

[Chuckles] I'm glad you feel
that way about me, Beaver.

Well, I guess we better
get washed up, huh?

Okay, Dad.

Oh, say, Beaver, uh,

did, uh, anything happen
today in school with Mr. Willet?

Gee, no, Dad. It was real funny.

All of a sudden, he stopped
talkin' about World War II...

and started talkin' about somethin'
called the... Louisiana Purchase.

Well, I guess nobody's
father ever fought in that.

I'm gonna go get
washed up. All right.

Is everything all
right? Yeah, just fine.

Mr. Willet talked about
the Louisiana Purchase.

[Exhales] I'm glad.

[Laughs] That's me.

Yes, I know.

But I married you anyway.

What are you writin', Beaver?

Well, I'm finishin'
a composition.

Yeah? What's it about?

"My Most Exciting Experience."

My whole class has to write
one. Oh. Well, let's hear it.

[Clears Throat]

"My Most Exciting Experience.

"By Theodore
Cleaver, third grade.

"My most exciting
experience was last summer.

"I went fishing. I
went to Crystal Falls.

"My mother and father and
brother went to Crystal Falls.

"My father caught four fish.

"My brother caught four fish.

"I caught one fish.

"And my mother
didn't catch any fish...

because she stayed on
the dock with the lunch."

Well, what kind of an
exciting experience is that?

Why don't you jazz it up? You
know, say you caught 40, 50 fish.

Then maybe this guy falls in the
lake, you save him from drowning.

Uh-uh. I don't think I'll be
jazzin' stuff up anymore.

Yeah.