Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 2, Episode 26 - Price of Fame - full transcript

[Announcer] Leave It To Beaver.

Starring Barbara Billingsley,

Hugh Beaumont,

Tony Dow...

and Jerry Mathers...

as the Beaver.

Hi, Mom. Hi.

You're home a little
late, aren't you? Yeah.

Well, I kind of walked Mary
Ellen Rogers over to her house.

Oh. You walked her home? Yeah.
Her brother went away to college.

She said she might sell me his sweatshirt
from when he was on the track team.



Well, wasn't that
thoughtful of Mary Ellen?

Yeah, but then when I got over
there, the thing was all beat up.

Why would she drag
me all the way over there

just to look at a
hunk of junk like that?

Well, Wally, I could tell you,
but I'd be revealing trade secrets.

Huh?

Don't eat the olives. Now,
you're gonna spoil your supper.

Okay.

[Laughs] Thing
wouldn't even fit me.

Wally, have you seen your brother
anywhere? He's usually home by now.

Uh-uh. He probably goofed up something,
and they made him stay after school.

- Well, of course he didn't.
- [Scoffs]

He's not always the little
angel you and Dad think he is.

You should have seen him Saturday.
What was he doing Saturday?



Uh, gee, Mom. I can't tell
you. He's got too much on me.

I can imagine.

Well, I hope he gets
home before dark.

Wally. Gee, Mom. You
said not to eat the olives.

You didn't say anything
about the celery.

Judy Hensler, stand up.

I hereby sentence you to stay after
school for the rest of your whole life.

Beaver, would you cut out playing
teacher and give me a hand?

Hey, Larry. How come Miss Landers
sent you to the principal's office today?

On account of I was
only wearin' one sock.

Gee, Larry, what happened
to your other sock?

I took it off to put my marbles in, on
account of I got holes in my pocket.

Oh. Well, what did
Mrs. Rayburn do to you?

She took the marbles away from
me and made me put my sock back on.

She once took a golf
ball away from me.

I wonder what she does with all
that junk she takes away from kids?

Well, she keeps it till the end of
the year, and then she gives it back.

Except the eatin'
stuff. That gets rotten.

Oh.

You know, you better not get in
any big trouble with Mrs. Rayburn.

She's got a spankin' machine
she uses on guys that are real bad.

A spanking machine?

Yeah. It's got a whole
bunch of paddles on it.

And she puts you in it,
and it spanks you automatic.

Golly. Did she ever
use it on you? No.

She's only allowed to use it
on guys in the eighth grade.

- It's a state law.
- Gee.

Are you sure she's
got a spankin' machine?

Did you ever see it? No, but a
lot of the big guys have seen it.

It's right in her closet. Um—

We better hurry
up and get finished.

We told Miss Landers an hour
ago we were leavin' right away.

Yeah. Gee, an electric
spankin' machine.

Hi, dear. Hi.

You didn't see the Beaver
on your way home, did you?

No. Isn't he home yet? No,
and I'm getting worried about him.

Well, the last time we
couldn't find him, he was down

in the basement with the
lights turned off, remember?

He was trying to teach
himself to see in the dark.

Well, I've been watching for
him. He's nowhere in the house.

I wouldn't worry
about him. He'll turn up.

Spring's coming on. As the days get
longer, the way home gets longer too.

Hey, Larry, wait a minute.

Hey, Larry, you were
kiddin' me about Mrs.

Rayburn havin' a spankin'
machine, weren't you?

Of course not, Beaver. It's
right in her office in the closet.

Yeah?

Hey, Larry.

You suppose there's anyone
left in the school besides us?

- Only the janitor.
- He's got a neat job, doesn't he?

Sure. He just sits in the basement all day
and drinks coffee. And then he goes home.

Well, I think when I get out of
college I'm gonna be a janitor.

I'll probably be old
enough to drink coffee then.

I'm gonna be a doctor.
Yeah? How come?

Well, because you get paid good
money, and you never get sick.

Never?

Uh-uh. Did you ever have a
sick doctor come and look at you?

Yeah, that's right.

It's pretty neat the
way it works. Yeah.

Uh-oh. What's the
matter, Beaver?

I forgot my hat. I better
go back and get it.

Well, I'm goin' on home now. I
don't want my father to holler at me,

like last Saturday when you and me
stayed to see the movie three times.

Okay, I'll see you tomorrow,
Larry. I'll see you, Beaver.

Boy, that Larry.

[Footsteps Departing]

Thank you very
much, Mrs. Mondello.

He's not there? No, but Larry
just got home five minutes ago.

They stayed after school
to clean the blackboards.

Well, at least I hope
he's on his way home.

Wally, first celery
and now peanuts.

Well, if he doesn't show up pretty soon,
Wally and I can go out and look for him.

Yeah, sure, Dad.

Hey, Dad. Remember the
football game when Beaver got lost?

You had to go down to
the police station and prove

who you were before
they'd give him back to us.

Uh, Wally, he'll be
here any minute.

And you're not
being very helpful.

Oh, sorry.

Hey, Dad. If you want, I could
go out and whistle for him.

You know— [Whistles]

Uh, Wally, if there's any
whistling to be done, I'll do it.

Yes, sir.

Hello! Hello!

Hello! Hello!

Hello! Hello!

Hello!

Hello. I'm locked in the
principal's office and...

Hello. I'm locked in
the... Hello? Hello?

[Alarm Blaring]

[Siren Wailing]

Bye!

Uh, well, it was
real neat, Wally.

The firemen let me ride up with
the driver. And I got to wear a fire hat.

And one of the firemen knew
my friend Gus and then, uh...

Uh...

Somethin' wrong, Dad?
Yes, I'd say there was.

Yes, Beaver. Now,
you've had us all worried.

Now what on earth were you
doing in Mrs. Rayburn's office?

Well, most of the time I was waitin'
for someone to come and get me out.

Boy, Beaver. Comin'
home in a fire engine.

Everybody's gonna
think this family's goofy.

Wally, don't you
have something to do?

- Nothin' but my homework.
- Well, I suggest you go and do it.

Uh, yes, sir.

Well, Beaver, do you
have something to say?

Yes, sir. I'm hungry.

Beaver, your mother asked you what
you were doing in Mrs. Rayburn's office.

Well, me and Larry were cleaning
the blackboards for our teacher,

when Larry said Mrs.
Rayburn had spankin' machine.

And Larry went home,
and I went in to see it.

And the janitor didn't
see me, so he thought

I was nobody, and
he locked the door.

I see.

- Beaver, you had no business
being in Mrs. Rayburn's office, did you?
- No, sir.

- You upset and worried
your mother, didn't you?
- Yes, sir.

You cost the city a
considerable sum of money.

- Did you even think about the danger
to those men on the fire truck?
- No, sir.

And you succeeded in making yourself a
most conspicuous young man, didn't you?

I guess so, sir. I'm sorry, Dad.

Well, in the future, Beaver,
think before you do something...

that'll cause you all this
trouble and embarrassment.

Yes, sir.

Come on, Beaver. I'll
get you something to eat.

Hey, Beave, what did Dad say
when he bawled you out tonight?

Well, he said...

I should not have be someplace
where I should not have be.

When I rode on the fire
engine and everything,

I made myself... suspicious.

- Suspicious?
- Well, I think that was it.

Maybe it was, um, "conspicious."

[Laughs] I think you
mean "conspicuous."

Yeah.

Hey, Wally, what is that?

Well, I didn't wanna ask Dad, 'cause I
figured he might keep hollerin' at me.

Well, um, conspicuous is like—
Well, it's, uh—It's like last summer...

when Larry was swimming up in the
lake and he lost his bathin' suit. [Laughs]

And his father had to go out in the
water with a towel and bring him back in.

- Everybody was laughin'.
- [Laughing]

Boy, the kids kidded him
about that for a couple of months.

I guess I was
conspicuous, all right.

I should've stayed in Mrs. Rayburn's office
over the weekend and starved to death.

Huh? Well,

at least that way nobody
could've laughed at me.

Yeah.

Hey, Wally. I left the
toothpaste tube on the floor.

Well, if you jumped on it, you
might get some more out of it.

[Laughs] Thanks, Beaver.

[Doorbell Chimes]

[Chiming]

Oh, it's you. What
are you doing?

I'm fixing the
doorbell. It won't ring.

It just rang. Then
I must've fixed it.

[Chiming]

Now, let's see. Is, uh, this
the lamp that won't work? Yes.

Do you know where
Wally went? Yeah.

He and Chester went
down to the dance studio.

Well, why would they do that? They're
not taking lessons. No, but Tooey Brown is.

They went down to watch him through
the window and make faces at him.

Did you find out what
was wrong with the Beaver

this morning when he
was holed up in his room?

Yes. He didn't want to go out
and play with any of his friends.

What was the matter?
Wasn't he feeling well?

Well, he was afraid that his
friends might have heard about him...

being locked in the school
last night and laugh at him.

Can you imagine that boy falling for
a story about a spanking machine?

Well, didn't they have rumors
like that when you went to school?

Well, sure, but
nothing as wild as that.

The best rumor we ever
came up with was about

a machine that washed
out your mouth with soap.

You know, dear, if you
just wouldn't pull— I know.

Pull out the plugs by the
cord. I'll try to remember, dear.

Hey, Larry, do you really think
there's any four-leaf clovers here?

I don't think so.

We've been looking for a whole
five minutes and didn't find any.

Yeah.

Hey, Larry, did
you ever find one?

- Yeah, I found one once.
- Well, did it bring you good luck?

I don't know. Some good
stuff happened to me,

but it might have
happened if I hadn't found it.

Yeah, let's keep lookin'.

Hey, Larry. Yesterday,
why'd you tell me there was a

spankin' machine if there
wasn't a spankin' machine?

Well, gee. I didn't think you'd
be goofy enough to go look for it.

Well, I was just makin'
stuff up. You know how it is.

Didn't you ever make stuff up?

Yeah, but I never made stuff up good
enough that people went and looked for it.

Well, I better go anyway.

I gotta get a haircut on account of
I'm going to a wedding tomorrow.

Who's gettin' married? My aunt.

Gee, I didn't know
aunts got married.

- Well, sure. Where do you think
you get uncles?
- Oh, yeah.

I'll see you, Beaver.

Hi. Did you get everything on
my list? Down to the last little can.

What's this? Oh, frozen
Chinese dinners. I got four of 'em.

I thought we could
have 'em for lunch. Well,

dear, you know the boys
don't like Chinese food.

Well, maybe you and I can have
'em for supper. I have a roast.

Well, we can put 'em in
the freezer, and if Chiang

Kai-shek ever drops in
for dinner, we'll be all set.

Hi, Dad. Oh, hi, Wally.

When did you get home?
A couple of minutes ago.

Well, did you and Chester enjoy watching
Tooey's dancing lesson through the window?

Yeah, for a little while, Mom.

But then the lady came
out and asked us if we

wanted to come in and
watch, so we went away.

Well, heck, it's no fun
doin' stuff you're not

supposed to do when
someone says it's okay to do it.

Hey, Mom, when are we gonna eat?

In a little while.

I told Beaver to
be home by 12:00.

Hey, Dad, Chester saw it in the paper about
Beaver comin' home in the fire engine.

- It was in the paper?
- Yeah.

Oh, not a whole big
thing. Just a little hunk.

They spelled "Cleaver" wrong.

Well, that's one consolation.

- Would you like some Chinese food?
- Uh-uh.

[Footsteps Approaching]

Hello, Beaver. Uh, hi, Judy.

- What you doin', Beaver?
- Well, I'm lookin' for four-leaf clovers.

Beaver, this is Cindy.
Cindy, this is Beaver.

He's in my class in school.
He sits in the dumb row.

I do not. I sit in
the second row.

- Well, you don't sit in
the smart row like I do.
- Yeah.

Yeah. How come you're
just stayin' there like that?

I'm stayin' here 'cause
I wanna stay here.

Oh. Well, we've gotta go now.
I'm going over to Cindy's house,

and Cindy's mother is taking
us to a rich restaurant for lunch.

- So what?
- Nothing.

But she's taking
us. That's what.

He missed six words
in his last spelling test.

[Grunting]

Wally! Wa— [Footsteps Running]

Hi, Mom. Lunch ready?

Well, it is, but the Beaver isn't here.
I want you to go out and look for him.

Ah, gee, Mom. He
could be a million places.

Well, he was gonna meet Larry
in the park, so look there first.

Ah. Oh, come on.

Well, okay.

Hey, can I take a sandwich in
my pocket? They're grilled cheese.

Well, gee, Mom.
These are old pants.

Wally, just find the Beaver, and
then you can eat when you get back.

Well, okay. Oh, hi, Dad.

Hi. Where's he going?

He went out to find
Beaver for lunch.

What are we having?
Grilled cheese sandwiches.

Hmm. Quite a switch for a man
who was counting on egg foo yong.

[Grunting]

Hi, dog.

Stop! Shoo. Go away.

Shoo. Go away, dog!
Go away, dog! Shoo!

[Barking] [Wally] Beaver!

Wally!

Hey, Beaver! Hey, Beaver!

Wally! Hey, Wally!

Hey, Beaver, where
are you? Over here!

Hey, Beave, what are
you doin' down there?

Well, I was lookin'
for four-leaf clovers.

Hey, well, come on.
They're waitin' lunch for you.

- Wally, I can't come on.
- What do you mean
you can't come on?

My head's stuck
in the bars. See?

[Grunts] Ooh, ow. Wally!

Wow, Beaver.

Boy, we're gonna have to find
some way to get you out of there.

I'll gonna go around on
the other side and pull.

Hurry up, Wally. I been
here an awful long time.

Okay, now, look,
Beave. Get down.

Okay, now hold your
head straight, and I'll yank.

One, two, three.

Ow! Wally! My ears!

Stop it!

Wow, Beaver.
You're really stuck.

I wish we had some axle grease
to loosen up your head with.

- Yeah.
- Hey, Beave, you wait here.

I'm gonna go get a policeman.

Wally, don't do that.

Well, then I better go get
Dad. Don't do that either.

He'll say I'm makin' a fuss
and bein' conspicuous again.

Yeah.

Hey, Beave, maybe I
could get the fire department.

They got all kinds of
saws and torches and junk

like that to get guys
out of stuff like this.

Please, Wally, not
the fire department.

They're the ones I got
conspicuous with before.

Well, maybe if I starved
and got thin, I could get out.

Nah, that's no good.

Your head's the one thing
on you that doesn't starve.

Gee, what'll I do, Wally?

Gee, Beave, I'm just
gonna have to go get Dad.

If you have to, I
guess you have to.

But I'd sure rather
starve instead.

Take it easy, Beave.

Go away, dog.
Stop. Shoo. Go away.

[Laughing]

Where in the world can those boys be? Well,
it's just like it's always been, dear.

You lose one and send
another, then you lose 'em both.

Well, maybe you
ought to go out...

Wally, where's the Beaver?
Uh, he's, uh, in the park.

Well, why didn't you
bring him back with you?

Oh, well, he, uh, uh— He
couldn't come right now.

He couldn't come? Why not?

Well, uh, 'cause, uh...

Well, he, uh, caught
his head in an iron fence.

Good heavens. Is
he all right? He what?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's alive and
everything, but, boy, he's really stuck.

He's been there for about an hour. Well,
why didn't he send someone to tell us?

'Cause he was afraid to, Dad.

Well, on account of you hollerin' at
him for bein' conspicuous last night.

Oh? Yeah, and, uh, well,

he even said he'd rather starve to
death than let you know what happened.

Oh, Ward. Uh, let's just get
him out of the fence first, June.

Then you can all sit around and tell
me how wrong I was. Come on, Wally.

Well, I'm going with you.

Just a second now.

There you are, sonny.
Thanks a lot, mister.

Yeah. Come on, Beave. Oh.

Thanks a lot. You're
entirely welcome.

Are you all right?
Well, sure, Mom.

Well, I guess we better
get on home, huh?

Well, I'm sorry, Dad.
Well, no, Beaver. I'm sorry.

Well, I should never say
anything to you that would

make you afraid to come
to me when you're in trouble.

Gee, Dad. You mean, you don't
mind me gettin' in messes like this?

Well, I don't want you
getting into trouble.

But when you do, I want you to feel
your parents are the first ones to come to.

That's right, Beaver.

Well, gee, that's neat.

'Cause when I'm growin' up, I'll probably
be usin' you for a lot of stuff like this.

[Laughs] Hey, Dad.

You think maybe
we could sue the city?

We'll, uh, talk about
it at lunch, Wally.

Gee. You mean, when
your father got you home,

he didn't hit you or anything?

Uh-uh.

He didn't even holler at me.

Gee whiz. That was all right.

Hey, Larry. Last summer,
when you lost your bathing suit,

did your father holler at you?

No.

- Well, what did he do?
- He bought me a new bathing suit.

You know, it's funny, Larry. You
can never tell what they're gonna do.