Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 2, Episode 22 - Beaver Gets Adopted - full transcript

Leave It To Beaver.

Starring Barbara Billingsley,

Hugh Beaumont,

Tony Dow...

and Jerry Mathers...

as the Beaver.

- Hey, Mom!
- Dad! Dad.

We're down here.

Hey, Dad. Would you sign this?

- Mine too.
- What is it?

I don't know. The man at the
park said you gotta sign 'em.



Yeah, they're having
a field day tomorrow.

Just sign down there, where
it says "Parent or Guardian."

Now, wait a minute. I'm not
going to sign anything till I've read it.

Heck, it's nothin'. It's
just a thing sayin' if

we bust any arms or
legs, you won't sue the city.

What kind of rough
games are they having?

Oh, they're not
rough games, Mom.

- They're just regular runnin' and jumpin'.
- It's just a field day, June.

No one's gonna get hurt.

- What events are you entering, Wally?
- The 100-yard dash, the broad jump
and the high jump.

- What'd you enter, Beaver?
- Just the 50-yard dash.

That's runnin'.

That's the only thing
they got for kids my age.

Larry and Whitey and
all the guys are goin' in it.



Well, I'm glad you fellows
are filled with the Olympic spirit.

Sure, Dad. Besides, the chamber of commerce
is givin' away real gold-plated medals.

Well, I hope you both come
back with something tomorrow.

Oh sure, Dad. A whole
bunch of good junk.

"Mayfield Park Field
Day. High point winner."

Yeah, Dad, I finished
second in the 100-yard dash,

first in the broad jump,
and third in the high jump.

I'm supposed to take it back. For
a dollar, they'll put my name on it.

Wally, I think that's
just wonderful.

Well, I'll say. I think we have
a future decathlon star here.

Ah!

How did you make out, Beaver?

Well, I went in the 50-yard
dash, but I didn't get to finish.

You didn't get to
finish? No, I forgot my

sneakers, and I had to
run in Larry Mondello's.

Oh, dear. Did you—
Did you fall down?

Well, no. He just kinda
flopped around the track.

- They were sort of big for him.
- Yeah.

Besides, I don't think Larry's
sneakers are used to winnin'.

Well, Wally, who'd you
beat in the high jump?

Well, Chester Anderson.

Oh, he's older than you
are too. That's pretty good.

Well, yeah, I guess so, Dad.

The, uh, coach from the
high school was there, and, uh,

he said I should come
out for track next year.

Um...

Oh, well, Beaver, I
wouldn't feel too badly

about not bringing home
a lot of medals today.

You know the old saying—
You can't win every time.

Gee, Dad, I didn't
get in it to win.

- I just got in it
to be with the other guys.
- Oh.

Hey, Beav, after supper, if you want, I'll
show you how to do a real racing start.

No, I can get started all
right. I just can't keep goin'.

- Larry says it's not real gold.
- What's not real gold?

Wally's trophy. He
said it's just plastic.

Oh, well, Beaver.

What it's made out of is
not the important thing.

The important thing
is what it represents.

Anyhow, I don't think you should resent
it just because your brother won a trophy.

I'm not resentin' it. I'm
just sayin' it's not real gold.

- Okay, so it's not real gold.
- Well, okay, so that's what I said.

Would you boys like to take your plates out
in the kitchen and bring in the dessert?

Okay, Mom. Okay, Mom.

I still say it's not real gold.

Ward?

I wish you wouldn't make such a
fuss over Wally in front of the Beaver.

Well, dear, I can't just ignore it
when he comes home with a trophy.

No, but you can't ignore the
Beaver either. He tried too.

I know, dear. You're right.

Whoever heard of a kid entering a
track meet just to be with his friends?

Don't polish so hard, Wally.
You'll polish off all the plastic gold.

No, I won't polish it off.

Hey, Beav. What are
you gonna do today?

Larry Mondello's comin' over.
Then we're goin' over to his house.

Well, uh, why don't you just
meet him over at his house?

I don't know.

- Where are you goin', Wally?
- Oh, uh, just over to Chester's.

In your Sunday school suit?

Well, uh, yeah. A guy doesn't
wanna be a slob all the time.

You usually do.

Yeah, well, I think Chester's
cousin might be gonna be there.

- Harry?
- No, Kathy.

Oh.

Anyway, if she's not there, I can
always stuff my tie in my pocket.

Hey, leave my junk alone,
Beav. Sure, Wally. Bye.

Hi, Larry. Hi, Wally.

Hey, Larry. You're
late. Yeah. I know.

After Sunday school, I went
home and changed my clothes.

What did you have in
Sunday school, Larry?

We had about David and Goliath.

Oh. That's pretty neat, the way
David killed him with that slingshot.

I would've used a hand grenade.

I'll betcha he would have too, if
they'd have had 'em in those days.

Yeah. Last week, we
had about Samson.

He killed a couple of thousand
people with a piece of bone.

Yeah. We had about him too.

You know, in Sunday
school, they kill almost

as many people as
they do on television.

Yeah.

Hey, that's the trophy your
brother won yesterday, isn't it? Yeah.

He's gonna get it 'graved
right here for a dollar.

I still say it's not real gold.

It's not what it's made of,
Larry. It's what it represents for.

My brother was a good
runner before he got married.

I'll bet you he could
beat your brother.

I bet you he could not.
I'll bet you he could too.

You bring him over
anytime. We'll see!

He lives in Cincinnati!
It's a good thing!

All right, all right.

Hurry up, Beaver. Get
those creepy clothes

off so we can go over
to my house and play.

Okay.

Uh-oh. Your brother's trophy.

Did it break?

It sure sounded like it did.

Here's some of it.

And here's some more of it.

Boy, Beaver. You're
really gonna get it.

I know I am. I'm not
supposed to get into any

of Wally's things or
touch any of his stuff.

I know. I used to get in trouble all
the time before my brother got married.

Gee, I'm scared to tell anybody.
They'll think I did it on purpose.

Maybe you don't
have to tell anybody.

I got some stuff at my house that
maybe we could stick it together.

I don't know.

You want your pop to holler at
you for bustin' Wally's trophy?

Do you think your
stickin' stuff will work?

Well, once at home I
was playing cowboys, and

I busted the leg off the
bed in our guest room.

- And I glued it back together.
- Didn't anybody find out?

Uh-uh. We haven't
had any company yet.

Well, I sure hope it works.

Is that you, Wally? Nope,
just your dear old husband.

Hi. Where's Wally? I
haven't seen him all morning.

He's over at Chester's.

I thought he was mad at Chester.

Well, he was, until he found
out Chester had a cousin Kathy.

Now he can't afford to be
mad at Chester anymore.

Where's the Beaver? Well,
first Larry came over here,

then they both went back over to Larry's,
and now they're both back over here.

They've been upstairs
for the past half hour.

You know, they've
been awfully quiet.

Don't you think you ought
to go see what they're up to?

Dear, if they've been
that quiet, they'll hear

me coming and stop
whatever they're up to.

Where's the paper?
Oh, it's in the living room.

How do you think it looks, Larry?
I think it looks pretty good, Beaver.

I don't know.

I don't know. I think before, he
was holdin' that round thing in back.

I guess we're gonna have
to change the arms again.

- Maybe we could turn the head around.
- Okay.

That's sure not the way it was.

He's goin' forwards, but
he's lookin' backwards.

I gotta be gettin' home
for my dinner, Beaver.

What'll I do if the
arms fall off again?

Well, you could stick 'em on with
adhesive tape till the glue dries.

Yeah, I guess I could try that.

Well, I'll be seein' ya, Beaver.

You know, Beaver,
I was just thinkin'.

If your brother wasn't such a good
runner, you wouldn't be in this mess.

Yeah. I was thinkin' that too.

Yeah, Dad. When I came
home, I found it that way.

Well, Beaver, you broke your
brother's trophy, didn't you? Yes, sir.

He was sore about me winnin',
so he broke it on purpose! I did not.

Well, if I broke it on purpose, why
would I try to stick it back together?

'Cause you're a little
sneak, that's why.

Wally, I think I can
handle this. Beaver.

Is this what you and Larry
were doing up in your room?

- Which time, Mom?
- Which time?

Yeah. One time we were bustin' it,
and the other time we were fixin' it.

Sure was a dirty trick, breakin' my
trophy just 'cause he didn't win anything.

That's not why I broke it. I broke
it 'cause I was showin' it to Larry.

Well, Beaver, you've
been told time and time

again not to touch
Wally's things, haven't you?

- Yes, sir.
- Well, I think the first thing
you should do...

is to tell your brother how sorry
you are about this whole thing.

Gee. Everybody's
bein' so mean to me,

I don't know if
I'm sorry or not!

- You don't know if you're sorry?
- All I know is,

why do I have to have
a brother that's always

winnin' stuff and
gettin' me in trouble?

Now, Beaver, that's not fair!

All your mother and I are trying to do is
to see that you do the right thing, Beaver.

Gee, why do I have to have
parents that are always yellin' at me?

Oh, come on, Beaver!

Now, you don't mean to tell me
you'd rather have other parents?

Well, just maybe I would.

Well, unfortunately, Beaver,
we're the parents you've been given,

Course, uh, if you think
you can do better, why,

I guess it's your
privilege to try.

All right, Beaver, I think you
can go on up to your room.

Okay. Okay, what?

Okay, sir.

Hey, you know, Dad, maybe
Beaver did bust it accidentally.

Wally, I said I
would handle this.

Yes, sir.

Ward, maybe we're being
a little too rough on Beaver.

Rough? Dear, when I was a kid,
if I'd even implied to my father...

that I didn't have the
best parents in the world,

he'd have taken me right out to the
woodshed and proved to me that I did.

Hey, Beav? You want
to get washed first?

Don't talk to me, Wally.

I don't want anyone in
this house to talk to me.

Okay, okay.

You mean, last night your pop
actually said he didn't want you anymore?

Well, he almost said it.

He said if I could find better parents,
it'd be all right with him if I did.

The worst my father ever said to me
was, he wished I'd have been a girl.

I guess this is worse than that.
Tellin' a guy to get new parents!

What are you gonna
do, Beav? I don't know.

Hey, Beaver, I saw a movie once
where they left a baby on the doorstep.

It was an orphanage, and they
gave him to real neat parents.

They didn't hit him or anything.

When he got big, they
gave him horses and yachts!

- No foolin'?
- Yeah.

Well, I gotta be goin'.
You comin' home, Beav?

No. I'll be home after later.

You're not gonna
stay in school, are you?

No, I'm gonna go get
my notebook in class.

I'll see ya, Beav.
See ya, Larry.

Hi! You're home early.

Must have had a good day. I did.

So I came home before
something happened to spoil it.

Thought I'd take the
boys down for a haircut.

Well, Wally's home, but
the Beaver isn't. It's funny.

He's always home first.

Well, there's lots of reasons why a
kid's late getting home from school.

Sometimes the shortest way home's
not the most attractive, you know.

Beaver hardly said
a word at breakfast.

Hope he's still not upset about that
fuss we made over Wally's trophy.

Talking about not
appreciating his parents.

Dear, how many times,
when you were his age,

were you scolded or punished one
day and forgot all about it the next?

I suppose so. Sure.

I'll bet you anything,
right now that

little character's either
playing marbles...

or he's standing in front of a
counter somewhere drinking a soda.

Yes, little boy. Can I help you?

Is this where you
come to get adopted?

Well, this is the Margaret
Manning Adoption Society.

But what is it you want?

I want to get adopted
by some new parents.

You got any?

Well, I think I better find
someone to talk to you.

Why don't you wait
over there on the couch?

Yes, ma'am. Thank you.

Can I help you?

Well, I'm Theodore Cleaver,
and I come to be adopted.

Well, how do you do,
Theodore? I'm Mrs. Brady.

How do you do?

Well, usually, Theodore, parents
come here looking for children.

You're the first child that ever
came in here looking for parents.

Oh, well, I didn't know
exactly how it worked.

Sit down.

Tell me, Theodore. Have
you any parents now?

Yes, ma'am. Two of 'em.

Then why do you
want new parents?

Well, you see, my brother won a
trophy, and I didn't win anything.

Well, and then, me and my
friend, Larry, we were lookin' at it,

and we busted it accidental.

And then my father yelled at me,
and he told me to find new parents.

- So that's what I'm doin' here.
- I see.

I'd like to get 'em as soon as
possible, 'cause I'm gettin' awful hungry.

Well, uh, tell me, Theodore.

Have your parents ever been
mean or cruel to you before?

Well, they hardly ever
hit me or anything like that,

but once, when I wanted a piece of pie for
breakfast, they wouldn't let me have it.

They don't sound so bad to me.

What would you do if your parents
told you to find other parents?

I admit, that could
be a real problem.

- Well, are those two taken?
- I'm afraid they are.

I thought so.

But you wait here just a few
minutes and let me see what I can do.

Do you want Miss Walker
to get you something to eat?

No, thank you. You
won't go away, will you?

No, ma'am.

- He wants to be adopted.
- He wants to be adopted?

Where is he? What is it?

Yes, Mrs. Brady.
Yes, I understand.

Of course. Yes...

Yeah, well, certainly. My
wife and I will be right down.

He's at the Margaret
Manning Adoption Agency.

Oh, Ward, it's our fault, telling him all
those things about getting new parents.

I know, dear. But now, look. We can't
just rush down there and drag him out.

We gotta give him a chance
to get out of this gracefully.

Well, how? Well, Mrs. Brady has
an idea. I'll tell you about it in the car.

Hey, Mom. When's
dinner gonna be ready?

It'll be a little late,
Wally. Your father and

I have to go downtown
and pick up the Beaver.

Yeah, where is he? He's down at the
adoption agency, trying to get new parents.

Gee! Did he think
that up all by himself?

Never mind, Wally.

Oh, Ward, if we just
hadn't practically told him...

to find better parents
if he thought he could.

I know dear, but I
didn't mean it that way.

Gee, Dad, you're always
tellin' us we should listen to ya.

Shouldn't oughta
get sore when we do.

Wally, will you just keep
calm until we get back? Sure.

Hey, Dad!

Supposin' the Beaver's
already got new parents,

before you and Mom get there?

Sorry, Dad.

Gee, I sure hope that isn't her.

Well, Theodore, I've been doing some
checking, and I think we can help you.

You can? Yes. I've been
talking to some very nice parents,

and they're looking
for a little boy.

And I have a feeling
they're gonna be perfect

for you, and you're going
to be perfect for them.

Oh. Maybe I better come
back some other time.

I'm kinda dirty from going to
school. I think they'll understand that.

You better wait.

You don't ever give kids
away to bad people, do ya?

No, Theodore. We make sure
they're the right kind of parents.

Oh.

Well, what if it's not
the right kind of kid?

- Do the people ever bring 'em back?
- No, we haven't had that happen.

If somebody adopts
ya, and they don't like ya,

can they be mean to ya, just
like you were their own kid?

You're not thinking of
changing your mind, are you?

Oh, no, no.

Well, if these people
come in, and I don't like 'em,

do I still gotta take 'em?

No, Theodore. But
I'm sure you'll like them.

You sure they want me?

Well, from what they said on
the phone, I'm sure they will.

Oh, I think these are
the people I talked to.

Well, Theodore,
what do you think?

I think I'll take 'em!

That's fine. I
thought you would.

- Thank you very much.
- You're getting
a very fine young man here.

Oh, we think so too.

We're gonna try to
make him very happy.

And I'll try to make
them very happy.

Oh, Theodore!

Thank you.

What are we havin' for
supper, Mom? Pork chops.

Good! I like 'em!

Looks pretty neat, Wally.

Yeah. The way Mr. Clarkson
soldered it up in his shop,

almost looks like
it did, doesn't it?

Yeah. Sorry I messed it
up, Wally. Ah, that's okay.

It was just a trophy. And
anyway, it's not real gold.

Hey, Beav, how come you went
in that place after school today?

'Cause I wanted to be adopted.

Well, you mean you wanted to
be brought up by new parents?

Never see Mom and Dad again?

Well,

I figured the adoption place would
give me to some real rich people.

And then they'd give
me horses and a yacht...

and all kinds
of stuff like that.

And then I figured, Dad would
see my picture in the paper...

and figure he
should've hung onto me.

Wow, Beaver. Is that ever goofy!

Yeah, I guess so.

You know, Wally, if that
ever would have happened,

I was gonna give
you one of the horses.

- Thanks a lot, Beaver.
- Oh, that's okay.