Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 2, Episode 19 - Wally's Pug Nose - full transcript

Leave It To Beaver.

Starring Barbara Billingsley,

Hugh Beaumont,

Tony Dow...

and Jerry Mathers...

as the Beaver.

Uh, all right, Beaver. Sidewalk.

S-I-D-E-W-A-L-K.

Sidewalk. That's
fine, Beaver. Fine.

Um, success.

S-U...



S-U... S-U— Am I right so far?

Uh, yes, but, uh, think of
the whole word, Beaver.

Sound it out. Success.

Sug-cess.

S-U-G... S-E-S-S. Sugsess.

No, Beaver. You...

Hello.

Oh, Tooey, could I have Wally call
you back in a little while? S-U-S-S-A...

A-S-S-P— Uh, Beaver. Beaver.

He's upstairs now
doing his homework,

and we have a rule around here
that no one answers phone calls...

until after the homework is...

Yes— Well, all right.

Uh, Beaver, will you tell Wally
he's wanted on the phone?



Okay, Dad.

Hey, Wally!

Beaver, I could have
done that myself.

Go upstairs and
tell him. Okay, Dad.

Hey, Wally!

You think Beaver's making
any progress with his spelling?

Oh, I think so. Yesterday,
he spelled sidewalk with a "G."

Hey, Wally! I'm in here.

What's that, Wally?
Stuff for my hair.

It's supposed to
keep it from fallin' out.

Oh. What's in it, glue?

Nah. Some kind of sheep fat.

What's this stuff, Wally?

Oh, that's stuff in case
I get things on my face.

Oh.

You haven't got any
things on your face.

Yeah, I know. But I sent
away for it in case I get 'em.

- Hey, Beave, what did you
come up here for?
- Oh.

Oh. Tooey's on the telephone.

Oh. Well, thanks a lot, Beaver.

Tooey, I'm sorry to
keep you waiting. I—Oh.

He doesn't mind.
He's eating a sandwich.

For me, Dad? Yeah.
Make it snappy, Wally.

I'm helping Beaver
with his homework.

Okay, Dad. Hello? Oh, hi, Tooey.

Uh, yeah.

Um... Yeah, I've
seen her. She's, uh...

Uh... Yeah.

Gee, whiz, Tooey. What
do you wanna do that for?

Yeah, well, I gotta
go now, Tooey.

Huh? Yeah, yeah. Yeah,
he's sittin' right here.

Oh. Yeah, well, I'll
see you, Tooey. Bye.

What did Tooey
want? Oh, nothin', Dad.

He must have wanted something.

Yeah, well, he wants me to eat
in the cafeteria with him tomorrow.

Oh, but you always
take your lunch, Wally.

Uh, yeah, well, uh, there's
this new girl in school,

and, well, some of the guys
wanna sit there and look at her.

Why would they want to do that?

Uh, gee, I don't know, Mom.
I—I guess 'cause they're goofy.

- Is she pretty?
- Yeah, well, uh,

some of the guys say she is.

Hey, Wally, tell your
brother to come down here.

Okay, Dad.

Ward, when you were in high school,
did you sit around looking at girls?

Oh, not all my time.

I got some schoolwork done.

Hey, Wally. There she is.

There's Gloria. With
the thing in her hair.

There she is with
Dorothy Peterson.

All right, all right,
Tooey. Don't point.

What's the matter?
Can't a guy point at a girl?

What is it, a big
deal or something?

I bet neither of you guys
would go over and talk to her.

I would, except... Except what?

Well, she's a freshman,
and I'm a sophomore.

You just don't do that kind of stuff
when you're an upperclassman.

Cut it out, Lumpy. You've been
a sophomore for two years now.

I bet you wouldn't go
over and talk to her, Wally.

Well, why should
I? Why should ya?

Because she asked David Bell to ask
Peggy Mishener what your name was.

If she asked what my name
was, I'd move right over there.

See that? She smiled at you.

Ah, she smiled at all of us.

She smiled at you.
Didn't she, Tooey?

You know why you won't go
over and talk to her, Wally?

- You're chicken.
- Listen, Wally.

If you're scared
of girls, just say so.

Well, I'm not scared of girls.

I'd talk to her just
like that if, uh...

If Dorothy Peterson
wasn't over there.

Good-bye, Dorothy.

Okay. She's not with her
now, big mouth. Go ahead.

Yeah, go on over.

You're chicken. Who's chicken?

You're chicken. Yeah?

Yeah.

Hello. Oh. Hi.

I, uh—We, uh...

- There's no salt.
- I beg your pardon?

Um, at our table. I mean, we
wondered if we could borrow your salt...

because, well,

that is, if you're
through with it.

Well, of course.

Your name is Wally
Cleaver, isn't it?

Yes, ma'am. Well, uh, I
mean, how did you know?

- I asked.
- You did?

When you're new in school, you
have to ask everybody's name.

- Oh.
- Won't you sit down?

- Where?
- Here.

Oh, yeah. I... Yeah,
I guess I could.

- My name's Gloria Kusic.
- I—I'm Wally Cleaver.

Yes, I know. I asked.

Uh, well, how do
you like it here?

- You know, the school.
- Oh, it's a very nice school.

I even have a locker
right by my homeroom.

- Where's yours?
- On the second floor. 221.

I got a real easy combination.

It's 10 to the left,
30 right and 11 left.

Mine's 25 to the left,
15 right and 15 left.

I know a guy that's got 10
right, 10 left and 10 right.

He's getting stuff
swiped all the time.

- Something wrong?
- No.

I was just thinking how
people look different up close.

For instance, I didn't
realize you had a pug nose.

Oh?

- Didn't you know?
- Well...

Oh, my goodness.

I was supposed to be in the
attendance office before the bell rang.

Bye, Wally.

Yeah.

"Puffing. Puffiness.

"Puffy. Pug.

"Pug. A noun.

A monkey. A small dog with a
face and a nose like a bulldog."

Hey, Wally, whatcha doing?

Lookin' at my nose.

You getting things on it?
No. I'm not getting things on it.

A guy can look at his
nose if he wants to.

There you are. Thank you.

And a package for
Wallace Cleaver.

Wally. Thank you.

Hey, Mom, that's for me.

Wally?

What'd you send
away for this time?

Gee, Mom. Can't a
guy have any privacy?

Hey, Beaver,
leave the light off.

Okay. Now you've seen
it. Will you turn the light off?

What is it, Wally?

It's a thing for my nose.
Will you turn the light off?

- Looks kinda scary.
- There's nothing to be scared of.

See? I sent away for it.

In the ad it says I'm supposed
to wear it every night. Why?

Because then I'll get a Roman
nose instead of the one I got.

Will you turn the light off? What
do you want a Roman nose for?

Well, because Gloria Kusic said
I had a pug nose like a monkey.

Will you turn the light off?

I wouldn't change my nose for
a girl, even if it was a foot long.

Well, it's not just on
account of her I'm changing it.

I'm changing it
'cause I want to.

Oh. You want me
to turn out the light?

Yeah.

Hey, Beave. What?

You gotta promise me
you won't tell anybody.

- Oh, I won't.
- How do I know you won't?

Cross my heart and hope to spit.

Well, okay.

Wally? Yeah?

Supposin' in the middle of the
night you have to blow your nose?

Aw, cut it out, Beave.

Good night.

Good night, Wally.

Hey, Mom, I'm home!

Well, I think he's home.

Beaver, I've told you...

a thousand times not...

What in the world is that?

Oh, hi, Dad.

I think it's some kind
of a nose straightener.

- Where'd you get it?
- Found it.

"Wallace Cleaver." Did
Wally send away for this?

Well, did he?

Gee, Dad, I can't tell ya. I
hoped to spit and everything.

Well, you didn't tell me.
I found out from the box.

Oh. That's different, isn't it?

Yeah.

Now why in the world would
Wally send away for a thing like this?

Well, it might be on account he doesn't
want to have a nose like a monkey.

Where would he get
a silly idea like that?

Might have been off from
that Gloria what's-her-name.

- Oh, that new girl.
- Yeah. Please don't tell Wally, Dad.

'Cause I spit on that too.

Yeah. Where does
Wally keep this?

Under the bed.

Well, for now, I think we'd
better put it right back there.

Dad, are you gonna yell at
Wally when he gets home?

No. I think this is something that should
be handled with tact and understanding.

You mean like when I used to
want to go to sleep with the light on?

Yeah. Something like that.

Ward? If you don't
speak to Wally pretty soon,

he's gonna be asleep.

Yeah, I know.

It's kind of a problem
knowing what to say. I, uh...

I want to build up
his self-confidence,

but I want to do it without letting
him know I think it needs building up.

Imagine him sending away for a
contraption to rearrange his nose.

Why, everyone says he's
such a nice-looking boy.

Yeah, I know.

Self-consciousness
is such a horrible thing.

I remember when I
was in high school, I got

to thinking I had the
world's biggest ears.

Worried and stewed about it for
weeks. I finally mentioned it to my father.

Know the kind of
psychology he used? Uh-uh.

He said, "You're supposed to
have big ears. You got a big head."

Well, don't laugh. That little
speech set me back about five years.

Don't want anything like
that to happen to Wally.

Oh, Ward, I know you're right.
What are you going to say to him?

Well, the first thing we have to
remember is that he's growing up.

He's smart enough to see
through any phony psychology.

I'd have to sound like
I'm leveling with him.

- I've got a better idea.
- What?

Why don't you
really level with him?

Yeah.

Without letting him
know I'm leveling with him.

Wally?

Wally, you still awake?

Yeah, Dad.

Let's, uh— Let's keep our voices
down, 'cause Beaver's asleep.

No, I'm not.

Well, turn over and try to go to
sleep, Beaver. I want to talk to Wally.

Okay, Dad.

Wally, I'm not gonna
beat around the bush.

I found that nose gadget
you keep under the bed today.

You did? Well,
thanks a lot, Beaver.

No, no. It was
entirely an accident.

Now, Wally, if you think there's
something wrong with your nose...

and if you think that
gadget will help it,

I'm not going to stop you
from wearing it. You're not?

No. You can wear it night and day if
you think that's what you want to do.

Can I wear it too? No.

Uh, may I see it?

Well, that's— That's
pretty ingenious.

- What's it supposed to do?
- It pushes his nose down
so he doesn't look like a pig.

Beaver, will you
stay out of this?

Is that what you think,
Wally? Your nose turns up?

Well, look at it. Gee whiz.

Guy wants to have a
nose like other guys.

You know, it's funny
you should mention that...

because just a moment
ago your mother was saying...

what a handsome fellow
she thought you were.

- Sure. She's my mother.
- Yeah, Dad. She's gotta
make up stuff like that.

Uh, Wally, believe it or not,

I was your age once.

And I know how easy
it is to—to, you know,

be affected by an offhand
remark someone makes.

But believe me, Son. There's
nothing wrong with your nose.

Yeah, but, gee. It
does sort of turn up.

That's just your
imagination, Wally.

If I were you, I'd
forget all about it.

You know, when I was your age, I
went through an experience very like this.

About your nose? No. My ears.

Some kid called me elephant ears, and
I got to thinking I was a regular Dumbo.

Well, they didn't sell ear
flatteners in those days,

so I started putting adhesive
tape right here to keep the ears flat.

How come it didn't work, Dad?

Beaver, I'm talking
to Wally. Please.

Hey, Dad, what finally happened?

Oh, well, I finally started noticing
pictures in my history books.

I saw that Lord Nelson
and Buffalo Bill and...

even some of the
movie stars had big ears.

It didn't seem to be
holding them back.

Then, of course, there was your
great-grandfather who was a hero...

in the war between the States.

Big ears didn't bother him.

So after a little bit, I just forgot
that my ears were even there.

Gee, Dad, I never
thought of it that way.

Well, you think about it.

Now you fellows
better get to bed.

Okay, Dad. Good night.

Good night, Dad.
Good night, fellows.

How'd you make out, Ward?

Oh, I think I made
an impression.

At least when I left, he
wasn't wearing the nose guard.

Well, I'm certainly
glad that's over.

See you in class, Wally. Yeah.

Hi, Gloria. Hi.

Hi, Gloria. Hi.

Well, hello, Wally.

Oh, hi, Gloria.

I've been trying to talk to you. You
haven't been ducking me, have you?

Uh, no. No, I haven't.

Anyway, the reason I had to...

talk to you today is because...

Do you have
something in your eye?

No. No. It's nothing.

Well, let me see.

I don't see anything.

The reason I have
to talk to you...

is about the dance the freshman
girls are having in the gym tonight.

I was wondering
if you were going.

Oh, well, gee, I don't know.

We're supposed to bring a boy,

and I was wondering if
you could sort of be with me.

Me? That is, if you want to.

Well, y-yeah, sure, but...

How come me?

I don't know. Maybe
there's something about...

a cute little pug
nose that gets me.

Yeah.

How about my ears?

Wally, you say
the silliest things.

Yeah, I guess I do.

Come on. I'll walk
you to your class.

Yeah, well, I was
kinda going that way.

Hi, dear. Oh, hi.

Sorry I'm late, but I got
stuck. The boys waiting to eat?

Beaver is. Wally's going to a thing
they're having at the high school.

Oh? What kind of a thing?

Well, it's some sort of a dance.

But the boys don't take the
girls. They meet them there.

Wally's going, huh? Uh-huh.

Oh, look.

Look what I found
in his wastebasket.

Well, how do you like that?

You know, Wally's supposed to be at an
age where he doesn't listen to his parents.

It's a pretty nice feeling knowing
his old pop's getting through to him.

Hi.

Well, I'm all set.
How do I look?

Oh, you look very,
very handsome.

Aw, cut it out, Mom.

He doesn't really
want you to cut it out.

Wally, I understand you're going
to some sort of a thing at school,

a kind of a dance.

Yeah, Dad. The freshman
class does it every year.

I don't think the school
likes it though. Oh?

Yeah. They make you
go there by yourself,

then you meet the girl
who's taking you at the dance,

then they make you
go home by yourself.

I think the school does that to
let you know they don't like it.

Hmm. Well, uh, who is
the girl who's taking you?

Well, Gloria Kusic.

Oh, isn't that the girl who made
the remark about your nose?

Yes, Wally. Yeah, well,
she didn't mean it that way.

What she meant was that
she doesn't really mind it at all.

Oh, so that's why you
threw the gadget away.

Well, yeah, Mom. I guess so.

Yeah. Um, well, you have a
clean handkerchief, Wally? Yeah.

Yeah. I folded it over
from the last dance.

Yeah. Well, it's only
for looks anyways.

Yeah, well, I guess
I'd better be going.

Don't you be late. Okay, Mom.

Leave something out
for me to eat, please.

What's the matter with you?

Don't you go away, honey.
We're gonna have dinner.

Okay, Mom.

Dad? How come Mom's laughing?

Um, Beaver, do you have any
new spelling words to learn?

Gee, no, Dad. They don't give us
any homework over the weekend.

I think we're supposed
to let our heads rest.

Oh.

Dad, can I ask you something?

Sure.

Well, how come if Wally's
very, very handsome...

he was worried about
having a pig's nose?

Oh.

Well, Beaver,
Wally's at the age...

when boys, and girls
too, get self-conscious.

What's self-conscious?

Oh, it's when you get so
wrapped up in yourself...

that you think the whole
world is watching you.

And you begin to— Well, you
begin to find fault with yourself.

- You haven't reached that age yet.
- Uh-uh.

Right now, everybody's
finding fault with me.

But I think I'm all right.

Well, very frequently boys Wally's
age don't think they're all right.

And they get so worried
that they completely forget...

that people don't judge
you by the way you look...

but by the way you act.

See, Beaver, some of the
homeliest people in the world...

have done the greatest things.

Dad, did your grandfather's
big ears help him to be a hero?

You know, Beaver, that just might
have had something to do with it.

Thanks for making me the
sandwich, Mom. You're welcome.

Oh, how was the dance, Wally?

Oh, it was all right, I guess.

Was Gloria Kusic there?

Yeah, she was there.
She was all right.

She didn't want to
dance all the time.

Oh? What did she want to do?

Oh, we sat at one of the
tables and Indian wrestled.

She won me once,
but I wasn't really trying.