Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 1, Episode 22 - The Perfect Father - full transcript

Busy Ward thinks his boys spend all their time over at the Dennisons' because they can play basketball there with their friends. But when Wally and Beaver still prefer the Dennison driveway, even after Ward puts up his own backboard, it takes a frank conversation with neighbor Chuck Dennison to reveal the secret that will bring the Cleaver boys back home.

Well, I, uh—I picked this up
for you downtown this afternoon.

Gee, thanks, Dad!

Incidentally, it's regulation.

Gee, Dad, that's swell,
but you didn't have to
go to all that trouble.

Yeah, it's just as easy
to play at the Dennisons'.

I know that, Beaver, but sometimes
I like to have you play over here.

Uh, your, uh—your mother
likes to know where you are.

You know, Wally?
I think it's Dad that likes
to know where we are.

[Announcer]
Leave It To Beaver.

Starring Barbara Billingsley,
Hugh Beaumont, Tony Dow...

and Jerry Mathers as the Beaver.



Well, shall I tell the boys
to get ready for supper?

The boys are going out tonight.
We're eating in here.

Oh, well, that's a good idea.
I mean, why mess up the dining room
just for me?

Just what I thought.

Uh, where are the boys going?
Hey, that looks edible.

Mr. Dennison's taking them
to the Sportsman's Show
with his boy.

Ah, that's nice of Dennison.
Mm—hmm.

They're spending a lot of time
over at the Dennisons' lately.

When they get home,
they're always talking
about Mr. Dennison.

I wonder, when they're
over at the Dennisons',
if they talk about me.

Well, what would they say, dear?

Well, they could, uh—

I'll have to think of something.

Oh, bye, Mom. Bye, Dad.
We're goin'.



Yeah, we told Mr. Dennison
we'd be there by 7:00.

Well, good—bye, fellas.
Have fun.
Okay, Mom.

Uh, say, fellows, um,

I thought we talked about going
to the Sportman's Show together.

Sure, Dad, but we waited all week.
Tonight's the last night.

Every time we asked you,
you were kind of busy.

Yeah, I guess Mr. Dennison
isn't as busy as you is, Dad.

Yeah, I guess not.

Don't plan on waiting up for us.
We'll climb in the window
or something.

You'll do no such thing.
We'll wait up.

Well, so long.
Good—bye, fellas.
Have fun.

[Beaver]
So long, Mom!
So long, Dad!

So long.

Nice of Mr. Dennison
to take the boys
to the Sportsman's Show.

Yes, it was very nice,
except, uh—

Except what?

Ah, nothing.
I, uh,just wish I hadn't been
that busy this week.

You've been “that busy”
for two or three weeks now.

Yeah, they, uh—
they've been going over
to the Dennisons' a lot.

I, uh— [Chuckles]
sure hope they haven't found
a home away from home.

I hope they haven't found
a father away from father.

Oh. Our dinner.

Hey, aren't these boats neat, Beaver?
Remember? Mohawk Canoes.

Hey, Wally, you think
the guy that gave us this folder
at the Sportsman's Show...

is a real Indian?

Na/7.

Why not? He had real feathers
and everything.

Yeah, but I saw him
at the auto show last month.

He was wearing a tuxedo
and takin' tickets.

Hi, Dad.
Hi, Dad.

Hi.

Say, now, fellas, you don't want
to leave all this trash lying around
For your mother to pick up.

Gee, Dad, that ain't trash.
That's a lot of valuable junk.

Oh.

Yeah, and we got it
at the Sportsman's Show last night.

Mr. Dennison gave us money.

We bought hot dogs
and hamburgers and popcorn
and a lot of junk.

I twas swell.
I almost got sick in the car
on the way home.

Sounds like a fabulous evening.

Well, say, fellas, I, uh—

I was just wondering, if, uh—
If you're not too tired,

how'd you like to
take a run up to Friend's Lake
for a little fishing today?

Gee, Dad, we'd like to,

but we gotta be
at the Dennisons' by 10:00.

At the Dennisons'?

Yeah, us and all the guys
are gonna play basketball
with Willie Dennison.

Well, but, Beaver, surely you don't
play basketball with all those big fellas?

Oh, sure. They let me get the ball
when it goes in the bushes.

Oh.

Well, why don't you have
all the fellas over here to play,
like you used to?

Mr. Dennison put up a brand—new basket
with a blackboard behind it.

Yeah, Dad
and it's basketball season.

They're having tryouts at school,
and we wanna get in
all the practice we can.

And Mr. Dennison don't care
how loud we yells.

I see.

Well, I hope you have a fine day
at the Dennisons'.

You know somethin', Wally?

What?

I still think he was a real Indian,
even if he was wearin' a tuxedo
at the auto show.

What time are you and the boys
leaving for the lake?

Oh, we're not going.
They're going over to the Dennisons'
to play basketball.

Well, dear, why don't they ever
come over here and play?

Well, because
we don't have a basket
with a “blackboard“ behind it,

and because that
all—American father, Mr. Dennison,
doesn't care how loud they yell.

Oh.

Yes?
Hey, June.

You wouldn't wanna go fishing,
would you?

Oh, dear, I'd love to,
but I have to go shopping.

[Whistling]

[Horn Honking]

0h, hi, dear!

What are you doing up there?

I'm building a soccer goal, dear.

Oh, you are not.
That's one of those thingamajigs
for basketball.

I must have put up hundreds of those
all over the South Pacific
when I was in the Seabees.

Well, I guess we all contributed
to victory in our own way.

Hey, you got
a lot of stuff today.

Oh, not so much.
I only went $12
over the food budget.

Oh, good. Good.

Thank you.

[Sighs]

Ward, that backboard out there—
Hmm?

You're not trying to compete
with Mr. Dennison, are you?
Of course not, June.

That's the farthest thing
from my mind.

Well—
Where are you going?

I've gotta call the Dennisons.
Isn't it about time for the boys
to come home for lunch?

Uh-huh.
Now I get your little plot.

They come home for lunch,
they see the new backboard,

they stay here and play
with all their little friends...

and you score 10 points
on Mr. Dennison.

I'll teach him to try and be
a father to my kids.

[Chattering, Shouting]

Come on, boy.
You can make it.
Hey!

Good shot.
Yea!

Come on, Wally.
Let's go, Wally!

Right in there!
Yea!

Okay, let's go.

Come on, Eddie.
Let's go.

Come on, Eddie. Shoot.
Come on, Eddie.
We don't have all day. Let's go.

— Yeah, come on, Eddie.
— Shh. Quiet down. I gotta sink this.

Shh. Shh. Quiet.
Joe Pro's shooting.

[All Laughing]

There's something wrong
with that backboard, I tell ya.

Yeah, there's something wrong
with the backboard. That's it.

Oh, sure, there is.
You go show 'im, Tooey.
Sure, the backboard. Yeah.

Come on, Tooey.
Let's go, Tooey.

Come on, Tooey.
Show 'em how to do it.

Good shot!
Yea!

Good job, Tooey.

it's just luck.

Well, that's more like it.

Nice to see the boys
playing over here again, huh?

Hey! That's Willie Dennison
out there.

Uh-huh.
[Chuckling]

You, uh,
making sandwiches for 'em?

Yes. And I must remember not
to put mayonnaise on Eddie's.

He's informed me
he's allergic to it.
Oh.

[Beaver]
Let go of that ball, Eddie!
Let go, Eddie!

Come on, Eddie. Let go!

Come on.
Let go! Let go!

Cut it out!
Hey, watch who you're
shoving him into, Eddie.

Ooh, that Eddie Haskell.

Ooh. just for that,
I'm gonna put mayonnaise
on his sandwich.

That's my girl.

[All Shouting]

Quiet down.
Come on, Eddie!

[Laughing]

Wanna borrow
my glasses, Eddie?

Yeah, maybe you could
see better with 'em.

I'm telling you guys,
there's something wrong
with that backboard.

Oh, sure!
You got a tape measure?

Sure. There's one
in the garage.

[Shouting]

[All Arguing]

I'll show you.
It's probably 20 feet too low.

Come on. He always
has to ruin our game.

[Arguing Continues]

Just as I thunk.

This goofy basket's a foot too low.
It's only nine feet high.

Well, it looks
a hundred feet high
from down here.

No wonder
I could never make it.

Well, so what?
Let's choose up
and have a game.

Not me. I'm goin' out
for forward at school.

I don't want to ruin my shootin' eye
with a basket that's not regulation.

That's right. We should be
shootin' at the right size basket.
Yeah.

Well, maybe my father
couldn't put it any higher.

That's tough. Come on, Willie.
Let's go over to your house.

Your backboard's official.
Yeah, let's go back over there.

— Is that all right with you other guys?
— I guess so.

[Chester]
It's all right with me.
How 'bout you, Wally?

Well, I guess I'll go along too.

It's all right for me too.
Well, with our old Beaver,
it's unanimous.

It's gotta be all right
with him.

Oh, hi, Mom.
Hi, Mrs. Cleaver.

Gee, that's a nice sweater.
Thank you, Eddie.

Wally, I made you boys
a tray of sandwiches.
Well, thanks.

We'll take 'em along.
We're going over
to Willie Dennison's to play.

I thought you were all
having fun here.

We were,
but Eddie measured the basket,
and it's a foot too low.

The guys wanna play on one
that's regulation height.

Eddie measured it?
Yes, Mrs. Cleaver.
Your husband put it up wrong.

Come on, guys.

Wally! Don't forget
to give Eddie his sandwich.

Okay.

What's the matter?
Where are the boys going?
Back to the Dennisons'.

Why? They were having
such a good time here.

They were, until Eddie Haskell
measured the basket.

It's a foot too low
or something.
A foot too—

Oh, for Pete's sake.
I just put it up for 'em
to fool around with.

I didn't think they were
gonna put a micrometer on it.

Maybe that's part of
Mr. Dennison's irresistible charm—
he measures things.

Ward, don't be upset about this.

My goodness,
you've been busy lately,

and the boys have just got in the habit
of playing over at the Dennisons'.

It's a habit I don't want my children
getting in the habit of.

You gonna raise the basket?
If I have to,
I'll lower the garage.

Boy, my arm's tired
from shootin' baskets
over at Willie's.

I'm tired too.
I must've got that ball out
Of the bushes a million times.

You think Eddie
will get on the team?

I don't know.
For a guy with great form,
he's the worst player I've ever seen.

That Tooey's twice as good,

and he doesn't even look
at the basket.

Boy, that Eddie's a character.
Over here at our house, when he missed,
he blamed it on the basket.

Over at the Dennisons', he claimed
it was because he ate mayonnaise.

Oh, hi, Dad.
Hi.

Say, Wally, you're going
to ruin your eyes.
Yes, Dad.

Oh, uh, by the way, fellows,
sorry about that basket this afternoon.

I should have known better.
I used to play basketball myself.

We know, Dad.
We've seen your pictures
in those old college books.

Yeah. They sure wore
funny pants in those days.

Well, uh, styles change, Beaver.

Anyway, I was still pretty fast
on the court.

I picked this up for you
downtown this afternoon.

Gee, thanks, Dad!

Incidentally, it's regulation.
Boy, it's neat.

Oh, by the way,
the basket is regulation now too.
I raised it a foot.

So if you fellows wanna
play basketball over here,

you don't have to worry about
losing your shooting eye.

Gee, Dad, that's swell,
but you didn't have to go
to all that trouble.

Yeah, it's just as easy
to play at the Dennisons'.

I know that, Beaver, but sometimes
I like to have you play over here.

Uh, your, uh—your mother
likes to know where you are.

You know, Wally,
I think it's Dad that likes
to know where we are.

Yeah. You know, Beave,
he's been working at home
these past weekends,

and I didn't think
he wanted us around
to bother him.

But maybe
we kind of owe it to him
to bother him.

Yeah, I guess so.

But, Wally,
we were supposed to meet the guys
over at the Dennisons' tomorrow.

Well, we're gonna play over here,
and if the guys don't like it,
they can lump it.

Yeah, and if they don't like it,
we can choose up sides
between ourselves and play.

[Shouting, Cheering]

Hey, you try it, Willie.

Aw! Too bad.

Come on, Eddie.
Let's get it in there!

[Wally]
1et's go.
Right in there.

— Come on, Eddie. Shoot it.
— Aw, come on, Eddie.
Let's see you sink it now.

Yeah. We haven 't got all day.
Hurry up.

You have no excuses.
It's regulation height.

Come on. Hustle.
Come on. let's go.
Right in there.

Maybe you oughta check
the air in the ball.

— It's regulation air.
— [Both] Regulation air!

[laughing]
Oh, dry up.

Come on.
Let's go, Chester.
Come on. Shoot it.

Hey, thataway!
[Cheering]

Let's go, Willie!

There you go, Tooey.
Come on, Tooey!

Good shot, Tooey!
I'll get it!

I can't understand it.
I had it lined up perfect.

It's all right. It just landed
in the Donaldsons' fiowers.

Hurt anything?

No, it just got
a little bit muddy.
You better wipe it off.

Yeah.

Come on. Get it up.
Let's go! That's it.

Ah, go in!
Come on, Wally.

You getting in the game,
Beaver?

No. I get to chase the ball
once in a while.
Oh.

Come on, Willie.
Right in there, Willie.
Right in there.

[All Shouting]

— Any of you guys ever try a hook shot?
— The coach don't want us to try
fancy stuff yet, Mr. Cleaver.

Oh, it's not so fancy.

Here. Let me have the ball.
Get over here.

Now, the important thing is
never try to control the ball
with the palm of your hand.

Always use your fingers. See?

Gee, that's a good shot.
That's pretty good, Mr. Cleaver.

I, uh, scored pretty well with that shot
against Meullenburg. Well—

Come on, Wally.
Shoot it up.

Come on. Shoot it up.
Shoot it up, Wally. Come on.

Oh, Wally, Wally, Wally.
No, no.

No, no. You haven 't got time
for that sort of stuff
with a set shot, Son.

You gotta come in,
sight the basket, set,

Let 'er go.

Here, let me try it again.

Well,you get the idea now, huh?

Oh, sure, Mr. Cleaver.

Come on.
Come on.
Let's go, Eddie. Come on.

Oh, no, no, no!
Eddie, Eddie! Travel!

You took steps.
Here. There we go.

Now—

That's 72 in a row

Oh, Ward.
Please don't overdo it.

Now, there, you see, uh,
if you control the ball,

you can shoot
even when you're off—balance.

Now then,
let's see which one of you boys
wants to try to do it right, huh?

Well, we're kind of tired,
Mr. Cleaver.

Yeah, I guess we've had
enough basketball.
Yeah, we've had about enough.

Hey, where
you guys going?
No place special.

Maybe we'll go over
to Willie's house.

Wanna come along Wally?

Uh, no.
I guess me and the Beaver
will stay here.

Yeah, I guess me and Wally
will stay here.

See ya.
Yeah, I'll see ya tomorrow.

Bye, Beave.
Bye, Mr. Cleaver.

So long, Chester.
So long, Tooey. So long.

Dad?
Yeah, Beaver?

Show us the hook shot.

All right.

Here. You try, Wally.

Well— I'm sorry, Son.

That's okay, Dad.
I wasn't paying attention.

Yeah. Well, uh, look,
I have some work to do.

Why don't you fellas
go on over to the Dennisons'?

You really want us to, Dad?
Sure. Go ahead.

Dad?
Yeah, Beaver?

Your shirttail's out.

Yeah. Thanks, Beaver.

Golf? I thought you
were playing basketball
with the boys.

I was. I, uh, was trying to
give them a few pointers.

They— They walked out on me.

You didn't get mad
and yell at them, did you?

Now, June, you know
I wouldn't do a thing like that.

Well, when you
were teaching Beaver
how to catch a baseball,

you ended up mad,
and he ended up in tears.

That was only because the ball
accidentally hit him on the head.

I don't understand it.
They'll play all day
over at Dennisons'.

They come over here,
I try to show 'em a few things,
and they walk out on me.

Dear, maybe you're
trying too hard.

How can you try too hard
to be a good parent?

I don't know, but it looks like
you've mastered it.

[Sighs]
I'll see you later.

I think I can get more understanding
from the boys in the locker room.

Dear?
What?

Shirttail's out.
I like it that way.

Well, hi, Ward.
Have a good game?

Oh, hi, Dennison.
Uh, yeah, not bad.

I got in 27 holes. That last nine,
I was sure beat, I'll tell ya.

Yeah. Say, uh, Chuck.

I, uh— I wanted to thank you
for being so nice to my boys.

Oh, you mean about
the Sportsman's Show?

I was glad to take 'em.
Glad they enjoyed themselves.

Well, no, I don't mean
just about the show.

I mean,you know, about
the basketball over at your house
and everything.

Oh. The kids
been playing basketball
over at my house?

I had a fellow come over
and put up one of those backboards.

Glad to know
that they're using it.
[Chuckles]

Well, you know,
from the way the boys talked,

I sort of got the impression
you were right out there with them.

Me? Oh, no.

I learned my lesson
from my two older boys.

Oh, I used to be out there with them,
throwing passes, pitching baseballs.

Even tried to teach Roger
how to run once.

Imagine, trying to teach
a 10—year—old boy how to run.

Yeah.
Might as well teach a fish
how to swim.

Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.

The way I kept after
my two older boys,
it's a wonder, in school,

they ever went out
for sports at all.

Yeah, of course,
I've always thought, though,

that a father should try
to teach his boys, uh—

well, some things, you know,
like how to throw a ball or catch a pass,
things like that.

Well, now, Ward, you weren't
a bad athlete in school.

Did your father ever teach you
how to catch a baseball?

Well, no, I picked that up
from other kids.

As a matter of fact,
I'd have been embarrassed if my fa—

Chuck, it's amazing
how little we learn about children
from our own childhood.

Well, I'm certainly not
the all—American father.

I've made plenty of mistakes,
but if you ask me,

the secret of getting close
to your kids is to know when
to stay away from them.

Well, I gotta get going.
Glad to have run into you, Ward.

Yeah,yeah. Real glad
to have run into you, Chuck.

[Whistling]

Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.
Would you tell the boys, please?

Okay. I think they're, uh,
playing outside.

Yes, they came home
from the Dennisons'
about a half hour ago.

Dinner will be ready
in a few minutes, fellas.

Okay, Dad. We're just
gonna catch a few more.

Uh, Beaver.

Somethin' wrong, Dad?
Well, you—

No, no. No, not a thing, Beaver.
You're doing fine.

Well, how come you didn't
join in the game, coach?

Oh, dear, you just
don't understand boys.

The way to get close to your kids
is to know when
to stay away from them.

Where'd you read that?
I didn't read it.

Chuck Dennison and I were talking
about it over at the club,

and, uh, we sort of worked out
this bit of philosophy between us.

Oh.

You know, dear, you oughta play golf
with Mr. Dennison more often.

Does wonders
for your outlook as a father.