Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 1, Episode 21 - Cleaning Up Beaver - full transcript

Wally is at the age where he wants to be clean and neat in appearance, whereas Beaver is still at the age where he sees nothing wrong with being covered in dirt. Beaver fights at every turn from having to clean himself up, let alone those few times when he is to take a bath. Ward and June would like to see Beaver emulate his brother's behavior and decide to use a little psychology to get Beaver to clean up, not only himself but his and Wally's bedroom as well. Their actions do lead to Beaver cleaning up at least in his sensibilities, but it also has the unintended effect of Wally and Beaver having a disagreement, with Beaver wanting his own bedroom. Continuing their psychology, Ward and June decide to give Beaver his wish, which they believe he will soon come to realize isn't exactly what he wants.

[Sighs]

Oh, what a struggle,
just to get him to wash his face.

Ward, do you think the Beaver
will ever reach the point
where he;ll wanna be clean?

I wouldn't be surprised.
Look at the change in Wally.

Yes. How about that?
What do you suppose
happened all of a sudden?

There's an old saying, dear—
“When girls come in the door,
dirt goes out the window.”

Oh, dear.
And Beaver's hardly eight.

Looks like we've got
at least four more years of dirt.

[Announcer]
Leave It To Beaver.

Starring Barbara Billingsley,
Hugh Beaumont, Tony Dow...

and Jerry Mathers as the Beaver.



Good morning, Mrs. Cleaver.
Hello, Eddie.

I came to pick up Wally.
Fine. Come on in.

We're going to the movies.

Wally!

Do you think I look all right,
Mrs. Cleaver?

Why, yes, you look very nice.
Thank you.

Mmm!

Smell quite nice too.

Oh, that's my aftershave lotion.

Why, Eddie, do you shave?

— No, but I like to smell like I do.
—Yes.

Wally! Eddie Haskell's here!

[Wally]
I'll be down in a minute.

You can wait in the living room.
Thank you very much,
Mrs. Cleaver.



Now, are you sure
I look all right?
Yes, Eddie, you look fine.

Good,'cause we're going
to the movies, you know.

So you said.

Mmm.

That was Eddie Haskell.

You know, he looks so neat
and he smells so neat,
it frightens me.

I think some of it must be
rubbing off on Wally too.

I caught him using
a fingernail file last week.

On his fingernails?
Uh-huh.

Last time the boys
borrowed my fingernail file,
they used it to file the date off a penny.

Well, from pennies to fingernails—
that's progress.

You know, it's funny.
What's funny?

The human male
goes through three stages,

from a messy little boy
in dirty jeans and a sweatshirt...

to a neat young man.

Then he gets married and goes back
to the dirty jeans and the sweatshirt.

Dear, a married man being neat
is like running fora bus
after you've caught it.

Ha—ha—ha. Aren't we
the kitchen comedian though?

Good—bye, Mom.
We're going to the movies.
Bye, Dad.

Bye.
Bye, Mr. Cleaver.
You're doing a real neat job there.

Thank you very much,
Eddie.

— Come on, Eddie.
— Boys, wait a minute.

What about the Beaver?
Well, gee, Mom,
he's not around.

But you promised to take
the Beaver and Larry Mondello
to the movies with you.

Now, you can wait a bit.

Gee, Mrs. Cleaver,
It's almost 1:00 now.

Yeah, and if we don't hurry up
and get there, we'll only be able
to see the double feature once.

Yeah, June.
They gotta get there
in time to ruin their eyes.

Now, boys, you can
wait a few minutes.

Okay, Mom.

I don't mind waiting at all,
Mrs. Cleaver.

Hey, Wally, have we gotta wait
for those grubby little creeps?

Well, Mom wants us to.

Yeah, but...

with them hanging around,
how are we gonna talk to any girls
in the movies?

Yeah, and if we don't hurry up
and get there, there's not gonna be
any good ones left to sit with.

Your messy little brother's
bad enough,
but that Larry Mondello!

When you're talkin' to a girl,
he sits behind you
and makes those crazy noises.

[Smooch, Pop]

— Hi, Wally. We're all set to go.
— It's about time.

Maybe we could ask your mother
for somethin' to eat first.

Hey, Wally,
look at these two goons.

What's the matter with us?
Yeah, what's the matter?

What's the matter?

You're a couple of little slobs.

Well, maybe I got a little mud on me,
but I had to wait for Larry.
He had to take a bath this morning.

Yeah, I did.
In the tub.

What have you been doin', Beaver—
wrestling in the dirt?

Of course not, Wally.
Me and Larry just took a shortcut
through the storm drain.

Well, boys, you all set?

Oh, Beaver, look at you!
You're so dirty!

 I didn't notice.

He looks all right to me,
Mrs. Cleaver.

I'm sure he does, Larry.

Beaver, you're gonna go upstairs
and get cleaned up
before you go anywhere.

— Gee, have I got to?
— You certainly do.

I think I'll stay down here.

I don't even like
to watch a guy get washed.

Come on, Beaver.
I'll go with you to make sure
you put a clean shirt on.

You don't really want to go
to the movies, do you, Mondello?

Sure, you don't, Larry.
The picture's no good.

I know it's no good.
I already seen it.

— Then what do you want to go for?
—'Cause.

—'Cause why?
—'Cause me and Beaver
wanna sit behind you.

- [Horn Squeaks, Rattles]
— Why, you dirty little—

You're really gonna get it—

Hey, fellows, I thought
you were going to the movies.

We were, Dad, but Beaver
had to go up and get washed.

I don't know why, Mr. Cleaver.
He was hardly dirty at all.

He was really a mess,
Mr. Cleaver.

Well, men, I'll tell you,

when it comes to neatness,
this younger generation is really a problem.

Boy, they sure are, Dad.

So long, Dad!
Come on, fellas! ! et'5 go!

[June]
Theodore you come back here!
You didn't even dry yourself!

There's a breeze out, Mom.
I'll dry myself
on the way to the movies.

Dear, believe me, it'll work.

If we start praising Wally
in front of the Beaver for being neat,
Beaver will get the idea.

All kids want the approval
Of their parents.

Well, I just hate to see you force it.

Maybe the Beaver
will outgrow being sloppy.

Oh, June, that's not
the modern approach.

You can't wait for kids
to outgrow things.

No?
No.

You have to send them
to orthodontists, psychologists.

They've even got experts
to teach children how to play.

No self—respecting parent
would dream of relying
on nature anymore.

Well, I just hope you don't
hurt the Beaver's feelings
by praising Wally.

Well, all I can say is,
it works down at the office.

Every time we have a sales meeting,
we praise the fellows
who have gone over their quotas.

Then the guys who have been
kind of dragging along
get the idea,

and they get out there
and really start hitting the ball.

Do they always do that?

No. About half of them quit.

But, uh,
it's the principle of the thing.

Look, dear,
just let me handle this.
Believe me, it'll work.

All right.

Ward, why do you always put
the silverware backwards?

Oh, well, that's a hangover
from my prep school days.
We always did it that way.

It was our method
Of striking back at the social order.

Is dinner ready?
I could eat a horse.

I could eat an elephant.

Let's just start with the soup,
shall we?

[Clears Throat]

Well, Wally, you certainly
look great tonight.

So neat and clean.
Thanks, Dad.

Let's have a look at you, Beaver.

I washed my face and hands.

You seem to have
overlooked your wrists.

Gee, Dad.
You gotta stop someplace.

Otherwise,
I might as well take a whole bath.

Oh, uh, June,

I was just complimenting Wally
on how well he looks tonight.

[June]
Yes, he does look very nice.

Don't you think so, Beaver?

He looks all right on the outside,
but you oughta see his feet.

Cut it out, Beaver!
I took a bath this morning!

Then you oughta
seen 'em last night.

All right, Beaver.

But seriously though, Wally,
you're really to be congratulated.

Your hair is combed, your—
Hey, June, look at those fingernails.

Very nice, Wally.

Miss Canfield says I got
the cleanest teeth in my class.

They just look that way
'cause the rest of you is so dirty.

They do not!

Yeah? What about
the way you keep up our room?

You oughta see it, Dad
I'd be better off livin’ with a pig

Then why don't ya
get a pig to live with?

I don't have to.
I got you.

All right, boys.
That's enough of that.

Uh, I'm afraid, Beaver,
I have to agree with Wally though.

You see, Wally's at the age where
he's trying to be neat and clean,

both about himself
and about his room,

and well,
you're just not cooperating

Mom, do you think I'm a pig too?

Well, Beaver, I would like
to see you a lot—

Well, a little bit neater
than you are.

Coffee ready, dear?

It's all poured there.

You know, dear,
I'm afraid we hurt
the Beaver's feelings last night.

Oh, we may have hurt 'em
a little bit, but I think
we got the message across.

I wish we could
get the message across
with love and kindness.

Oh, cheer up, June.

If everything else fails,
we can always resort to that.
Oh, Ward.

I gotta get goin'.

Where's the Beaver?
He's upstairs.
He's shining his shoes.

Shi—
Here. Don't forget your lunch.
All right.

Hey, where's your lunch box,
Wally?

Gee, Dad, I'm in the eighth grade.
I'm too big to carry a lunch box.

Oh.
So long.

Bye.

Well, the Beaver's upstairs
shining his shoes.

Yes.

You know,
maybe sometimes you do know
what you're talking about.

Oh, thanks a lot.
Hmm.

Beaver.

Honey, you're gonna be late.

No, I'm not.
I'm just shining my shoes.

And you're getting it
all over your ankle.

That won't show
when I put my sock on.

What'd you do,
cut your finger?

No, I just stuck it
with the nail file.

It's not hard being neat,
but it hurts a little.

Take a look, Mom.

And it's that way all the way up.
I took a whole bath.

Well, wonderful.

Mom, take a look at my hair.
I used Wally's hair cream on it.

Mmm.
Well, I'd better be goin'.

Bye, Mom.
Bye, honey.

So long, Dad.
So long, Beaver.

Hey, the Beaver really looks—
[June Screams]

Oh, my gosh!

The Beaver looked fine,
but the bathroom never looked worse.

Well, the dirt came off the Beaver.
It had to go somewhere else.

That's one of
the immutable laws of nature.

Oh, hi, Larry.
Hi, Beaver.

You were late to school
this morning.

That's on account of
I had to stay home and get washed up.

That can get you
in a lot of trouble.

Larry, how come
you eat your cake first?

If I ate the sandwiches first,
I might not have room for the cake.

How come you got cleaned up
this morning? This ain't the day
the school nurse looks at us.

I know. I had to get cleaned up
'cause my brother got cleaned up.

Yeah, I know how it is.

My big brother started to like girls
and he was taking baths all the time.

My parents started to make fun of me,
so I fixed my brother good.

What'd you do, Larry?

I told my mother
I wanted a room for myself.

— Did that make your brother stop takin' baths?
— No, but they stopped pickin' on me.

If you got your own room,
If it gets dirty, you can just close the door.

Then there's nobody around
to squeal on you.

I don't know about movin' out on Wally.
I've been with him almost all my life.

It's either that or
keeping your room clean all the time.

We're gonna have to get you
some drapes in here.

Okay, Mom.

— What are these?
— Worms.

They can't hurt you, Mom.
They died a couple weeks ago.

Well, why did you
bring them in here?

Because me and Wally collected 'em,
and I didn't want to get gypped out of my half.

Here's some more
Of his junk, Mom.
All right.

Hey, these are my spurs.

They are not. You ”given“'em to me.
You said you were too big
to play cowboys anymore.

Well, I'm takin' 'em back.
I might want to play cowboys
again sometime.

Go ahead and take your old junk.
I don't want it cluttering
up my room anyway.

You know, Beaver, this bed's
been in our family for a long time.

It's over a hundred years old.

Boy, the sheets sure stayed clean,
didn't they?

I put those on this morning.

— Going right to bed?
— After later.

Mom, are there any lions
in the neighborhood?

Lions?

Well, of course not. Why?

No reason.
I just thunk I heard one before.

Shall I leave the light on
in the hall?

You don't have to, Mom.

Well, good night, Beaver.

Good night, Mom.

Beaver.
Yes, Mom?

Nothing, dear.

Oh, uh, dear, when you dust,
could you put the books back in
right side up?

I'm fighting the social order.

The, um—
The Beaver all moved in?

All moved in,
lock, stock and worms.

[Clears Throat]
You, uh, angry about something?

I'm not angry about anything.

Well, then why are you
crunching the paper at me?

I'm crunching the paper at you
because of what you did
to Wally and the Beaver.

You've— Well, you've
turned them against each other.

Oh, now, June,
that'll all work out.

Look, the Beaver's
just being stubborn.

You give him a night
alone in that room,

and he'll be so anxious
to get back with Wally
he'll even clean himself up.

I think it'll be
just the other way around.

The Beaver won't give in
until Wally comes down to his level.

June, dear, look,
Wally's getting older.

The boys going their separate ways
Is just one of those things
that has to happen.

Maybe so, but I just wish
you hadn't have rushed it.

[Yowls]

[Yowling Continues]

[Multiple Cats Yowling]

[Yowling Continues]

Wally!

Wally!

[Yowling Continues]

Wally! Wally!

What's the matter, Beave?

I just wanted to see
if you were all right.

You're not scared, are you?

Are you kidding?
What's there to be scared of?

Sure. That's right.
What's there to be scared of?

Well, good night.
Good night.

Wally?

Sure you're not scared?
Don't be 'fraid to tell me.

Are you crazy?
Why would I be scared?

Well, you never slept by yourself before.
That's scary to some people.

Well, not for me.

How come you're awake then?

'Cause you woke me up.
That's how come.

Oh, yeah. I'm sorry.

Well, good night.

Good night.

— Hey, Beaver?
— What, Wally? What is it?

If you want anything again,
just holler.

If you want anything,
you holler to me.

You know somethin'?
It might be a good idea if you stayed in here.

It'd save a lot of yellin'
back and forth.

That's right! It would!

This is a lot better,
isn't it, Wally?

Yeah.

Now if either one of us
feels like yelling,
we can hear each other.

Yeah, sure, Beaver.
Well, good night.

Hey, Beave,

you must have had some reason
for gettin' mad at me and moving out.

I guess I did.

What was it?

Well,

all of a sudden,
you got neat.

What's wrong with that?

Well, it made me look dirty.

And then you kidded me
and called me a pig.

Well, gee, Dad kidded you too.

He's our father.
He's allowed to kid us.

You're just my brother.

Well, I didn't mean to
make you look bad by being neat.

It was just one of those things.

Wally, I was just thinkin'.

Thinkin' what?

Maybe if you were a little bit sloppier
and I was a little bit neater,

it just might work out.

Yeah, we'll give it a try.

We'd better get to sleep now.
Yeah.

Good night.
Good night, Wally.

We'll see how Wally is.
Then we'll look in on the Beaver.
All right.

Ward, Beaver's back!

Yeah.
How do you like that?

But they were so angry
at each other.

Why, Wally called him a pig.

You know, June,
there's a lesson here.

It's a wonderful thing about brothers—
blood is thicker than dirt.

Come on, Wally.
Hurry up!

I'll be right down!

So long Beaver
So long tarry.

Aw, Wally!
Look at your hair!

I guess I forgot to comb it.
I'll do it when we get outside.
I don't want Beaver to know.

Hey, Beaver! Look at your brother!
He's combing his hair!

What do you expect?
They're going to the movies
and sit with the girls again.

Oh, yeah.

We could go to the movies too
and sit behind 'em,
but I don't want 'em sockin' me again.

Wally's a pretty good brother,
outside of likin' girls and bein' neat.

That's why
I moved back in with him.

Yeah. That having a room
of your own isn't so hot.

Don't you have a room
of your own anymore?

Nah. I couldn't sleep.

Me neither.

Anyway, my brother got
a little lonely all by himself.

Mine too.

Hey, let's go down to the old tunnel
and listen to our echoes.

Okay.

I think
I'll comb my hair first.

What do you wanna do that for?

It's part of the 'greement
I made with Wally.