Laverne & Shirley (1976–1983): Season 6, Episode 10 - Love Out the Window - full transcript

♪ One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight ♪

♪ Schlemiel, Schlimazel,
Hasenpfeffer Incorporated. ♪

♪ We're gonna do it! ♪

♪ Give us any
chance, we'll take it ♪

♪ Read us any
rule, we'll break it ♪

♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪

♪ Doin' it our way ♪

♪ Nothin's gonna
turn us back now ♪

♪ Straight ahead
and on the track now ♪

♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪

♪ Doin' it our way ♪



♪ There is nothing
we won't try ♪

♪ Never heard the
word "impossible" ♪

♪ This time there's
no stopping us ♪

♪ We're gonna do it ♪

♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪

♪ Got a dream and
we just know now ♪

♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪

♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪

♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪

♪ And we'll do it our way ♪

♪ Yes, our way ♪

♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪

♪ For me and you. ♪

Laverne & Shirley is filmed
before a studio audience.



Scarlett? Scarlett, honey,
could you just tilt your head back

a little bit like we
had it yesterday?

Little further. Little further.
That's it. Thank you. Perfect.

And, Rhett, could I
see some passion?

Could I see you just
oozing with passion

so it'll match up to
what I had yesterday?

Beautiful.

Just beautiful.
Hold it right there.

Boy, when Shirley
takes up a new hobby,

she really goes all out.

Yeah, she does
get a little crazy.

Just don't mention
Vincent van Gogh,

or she'll cut off her ear.

Do you think you two could
hum a little inspirational music

for me like yesterday?

Hold it! Hold it! Hold
it! Hold it! Hold it!

- I've been holding it.
- No.

No, I got to run upstairs
and get some ruby red

so I can finish
setting Atlanta on fire.

Well, can we take five here?

Take five, please.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
My arm fell asleep.

Oh. Oh, I'm okay, but
I think I bit my hoop.

Why couldn't she just
paint a simple bowl of fruit?

Hey, I don't know about you,

but I'd rather dress up like
Rhett Butler than a banana.

Oh, you'd look pretty
cute in a banana suit.

- You think so?
- Yes, I do.

Oh, wait.

Let me get your blood
going again in this.

You know, these last
couple weeks have been fun.

I'm gonna kind of
miss posing with you.

Yeah? Well, I'm gonna kind
of miss these arms around me.

You know, Laverne...

You've become more than

just another pretty
face to me, Laverne.

Oh.

Mmm.

- Laverne?
- What?

- What do you say, uh...
- Yeah?

Tomorrow night, you
and me go to the circus?

Really are a smooth
talker, aren't you?

Look, I know it's not
every girl's dream,

but I'm doing a
stunt for a movie.

- You are?
- I'm falling off a trapeze.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

How high is it?

- Oh, about this high.
- Oh.

Well, you better be careful.

Mmm.

Hey, falls are my specialty.

♪ La, la, la-la... ♪

Hold it!

♪ La, la, la-la... ♪

- Hey, Sonny, telephone!
- Thanks, Carmine.

Was it your arms again?

No. It's probably
my agent. I'm sorry.

Oh.

- Oh, Sonny!
- Oh, man.

Laverne, would you
just tilt your head back?

Tilt your head back.
Stay in the mood.

Stay in the mood.
That's it. That's it.

Oh, that's beautiful.

That's just beautiful!

Aw, gee, Laverne, I must say,

you and Sonny make
quite a stunning couple.

Yeah, you think so?

Mm-hmm.

Shirl, I think I'm
falling in love.

Really? Tilt your head back.

Tilt your head back.

Isn't that wonderful how
life imitates art, Laverne?

Does Sonny feel the same way?

I think so. He wants me to come
watch him do a stunt tomorrow.

- Yeah?
- It's falling off a trapeze.

Isn't that romantic?

Ooh, ooh, sounds
dangerous to me.

Oh, no. Falls are his specialty.

Oh, I know that, but...

Could you just tilt
back just a little further?

But, you know,
falling off a trapeze,

you could break your
neck or something like that.

Oh, no. No, forget I said that.

I'm sorry I said that. I...

- You mean he could...?
- No, no, no.

Just ixnay that right away.

Hey, great news.

You don't have to do the stunt?

No. My agent got me
an extra hundred bucks

for falling into
the tiger's cage.

Well, that... that's
good. That's good.

Just a couple more
strokes, and I'm done here.

There.

And now for the
American unveiling of...

Real Gone with the Wind.

You know, you look
a lot cuter in person.

I got to go upstairs.

Think I'm getting sick.

Well, we're still going to
the circus tomorrow, right?

Uh, no, I-I can't go.

Uh, the perfume I
wear makes tigers crazy.

What's with her?

Is she playing hard to get?

Hard to get?

I don't think Laverne
knows the meaning

of the words "hard to get."

Well, I don't get it.

Did we have a fight
while I was on the phone?

No, I...

I think I know what's
bothering Laverne.

Well, do I have to guess?

No. Sit down.

Now, Sonny, if I tell you
this, you have to promise me

you'll never tell
Laverne I told you.

I promise.

All right.

A couple of years ago,

Laverne fell in
love with a fireman.

His name was Randy.

Well, they were
about to get engaged

when he got killed on the job.

I think Laverne's afraid of the
same thing happening to you.

And I don't think she
could take that again.

Well, if that's
what's bothering her,

I think I can find a
way to take care of that.

What are you gonna do, Sonny?

Well, the first thing I'm
gonna do is, uh, sew my shirt.

Oh.

Come here and sit down.

Look at me.

Look at me!

Aha! I know that look!

Boyfriend trouble, right?

Wrong. I don't have a boyfriend.

I knew it. That's the trouble.

Do you remember we
moved to Milwaukee?

Remember that?

Remember you were sad?

What did I do? I
bought you a bicycle.

You couldn't buy me a new car?

No! You never took
care of the bicycle.

What are you talking about?

What I'm saying to you is
things will always work out.

Thanks, Pop.

What are fathers for?

Hey, Mr. DeFazio.

Hey, Laverne, I
got to talk to you.

Uh, excuse me. I got to
get something for table six.

This is table six.

Sit down.

Ah... Talk to her.

You can't fool a father!

You want to talk, talk.

Laverne, I've made a decision.

I'm hanging up my crash helmet.

What?

I'm giving up stunt work.

Really? How come?

Well, it's all in these lines.

See that line right there,
the way it branches off?

Yeah.

That tells me it's time
to change careers.

Get out of here.

No, I'm not kidding.

I never told anybody this,

but my mother was a gypsy.

Your mother was in that
show with Ethel Merman?

♪ Things look swell ♪

♪ Things look great ♪

♪ Gonna have the
whole world on... ♪

No, no, no, no,
no, not in Gypsy.

A gypsy.

Turban, crystal ball.

The little gold earrings?

Right, little gold earrings.

You're a son of a gypsy.

Yup.

And my mom said
that lines never lie.

But what are you gonna
do if you give up stunt work?

Be a gypsy, ride
around in a wooden cart,

playing a violin like
Pinocchio with your nose...?

No, no, no. No, no, no.

I'm going into the insurance
business with my cousin Gordy.

Oh.

And I was wondering
if, uh, maybe you'd like

to help me celebrate my
becoming a legitimate businessman.

Are you kidding? I'd love to.

But is it okay with your hand?

Now, let me see.

Oh, yeah, that's my love line,

and it's pointing
right at... you.

Let's just forget everything

and start from scratch.

That's what I need.

That's it right there! Hold it.

Shirl?

Carmine.

I'm ready.

All right, sweetheart.

Take five, Boo-Boo.

You sure there's
nobody else here?

No, darling. Just you
and me. We're all alone.

Okay.

Well, let's... let's take off the
blanket and see what we got.

Okay, but, uh, I
wouldn't do this

for anybody else
but you, Angel Face.

You better not tell nobody.

It's just better than I...

I could have ever hoped for.

It's beautiful. It's
magnificent. Carmine...

- All right, what I got to do?
- Oh.

- What I got to do?
- All right, all right.

First of all...

What are you doing that for?

Because, sweetheart, Carmine,

I'm going to call
this... Love is Blind.

- That's good. I like it.
- You like it?

- I like it. I like it a lot.
- Do you? Good.

Good. I like it, too.

All right, here's the
picture. Imagine this.

You're Cupid, God's
messenger of love.

You look up into the sky, and
you see the crescent moon,

on which sit two
lovers... almost in love.

All right, Cupid,
draw back your bow

and finish the job. That's it.

That's it.

Beau... How am I...?
How am I doing? Okay?

Just beautiful.
Carmine, I love it.

If you could just point
your front toe for me.

Oh.

Ah! That's what I needed.

Ah, stay right like that.

You're going to love this.

You're just not
going to believe this.

Hey, Laverne, I
got to talk to you.

Tell me that's not Sonny.

It's not Sonny.

Carmine!

Carmine, what are you doing?

Sonny's not laughing at you.

What's funny? He
looks like a jerk.

Me a jerk? Look at that
dumb suit you got on.

You look like a Ken doll.

You wimp!

You look like a baby pig!

Sweetheart, listen to me...

You're laughing at...
She's laughing at me!

No, she...

A person that's holding
her hair in her hand.

That's it.

I'm out of here, Shirl.

I've been humiliated enough.

No, you have not, Carmine!

Carmine, come back here!

Did you see...?

God, you look gorgeous.

But aren't you a little
overdressed for a picnic?

I can't go, Laverne.

Oh, sure you can.
Just change your suit.

Uh, ooh, I was gonna
wear my new fall.

Which do you like better?

With... or without?

With or without is fine.

Listen, I got to go to the
office and do some paperwork.

Aw, on a Saturday?

I can't help it.

Look, we'll try to go
on the picnic tomorrow.

Yeah. All right, but
do you have any idea

what potato salad looks
like after it sits out all night?

Hello. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Ah!

Are you guys all right?

Do we look all right to you?
What does this look like?

That we're-we're modeling the
latest in turtleneck sweat wear?

No, we are not all right.

Not all right, indeed.

Sonny, we need car
insurance, and we need it now.

Mucho prompto.

- Mm-hmm.
- Great.

You take care of your clients,
and I'll go freeze the picnic.

Oh. Oh, yo.

Hold on, my little
merchant marine.

Ah.

- Listen, it hurts to talk about it.
- Ah.

- But... oh.
- Lenny, ow!

- Sorry. I'm sorry.
- Oh. Oh.

Yeah, we were driving
down the sidewalk,

minding our own business,
when out of nowhere,

there plunges through
the earth a huge tree

and wrecks our truck!

And I contracted tree lash.

We both did. Tree
lash! Tree lash!

So, Sonny, what
we're going to do...

We're gonna sue that
reckless pile of pulp

till it hasn't got a leaf
to hide behind, right?

Number one, you
can't sue a tree.

Number two,

you can't get insurance for an
accident that already happened.

Oh, wait a minute.

Wait a second here.

Before it happened, we
didn't need insurance, doofus.

You're calling me a doofus?

You are two of the biggest
doofuses I've ever met!

It's "doofi"!

Come back later, Sonny.

Uh, I-I'm sorry
he yelled at you.

He's just been under
a lot of pressure lately.

- Oh.
- He's been under pressure?

Oh. Oh, he's been
under pressure.

What do you think
we've been under?!

We've been wearing
these orthopedic necklaces

for the past four days!

Listen, we ought to get
these back to the hospital

before those guys wake up.

Yeah.

One of these days,

men in little white coats
are gonna take them away.

Carmine got away.

He grabbed his diaper, though.

What happened to Sonny?

Ah, he yelled at
Lenny and Squiggy,

then he stormed out of here.

Oh, what about the picnic?

There is no picnic.
He's got to work.

- Oh.
- Work, work, work.

I don't know, Shirl.

He's no fun anymore.

He's always so moody and cranky.

Think it's over.

Oh, no, don't be
hasty like that, Laverne.

Well, we're not happy.

No. No. What the...?

Listen. Listen. Sit down.

Sit down here. I'll
tell you a little story.

All right.

You have any bobby pin?

No. No, I don't
have any bobby pins.

Always a few here.

Yeah.

Um, Laverne, you know
I am not one to meddle.

But let me tell you a little
story about Michelangelo.

Michelangelo's
father, Mr. Angelo,

did not want Michael
to become a painter.

No, he wanted him
to become a bricklayer,

like the rest of the Angelo men.

So, one night, he threw
away Michael's paint set.

The next morning,
when Michael woke up,

instead of paint
brushes and paint,

all he found was a bag of
cement and a union card.

That's nice.

Yes. So, wanting
to be a good son,

Michael thought he'd
give bricklaying a try.

But alas and alack, Laverne,

Michelangelo's first brick wall
bore a striking resemblance

to the Virgin Mary and
the sweet baby Jesus.

That is a doozy of a story.

What does it mean?

What do you mean,
what does it mean?

What does it mean?

It means

that Sonny shouldn't
sell insurance!

Sonny shouldn't sell insurance?

Sonny shouldn't sell insurance.

Then why is Sonny
selling insurance?

Sonny sells insurance
because of you!

What?!

Because he doesn't want
you to worry about him.

That's why.

He-he doesn't want
you to worry about him,

so he sells insurance,

and now that he's changed
his whole life around,

you're still unhappy.
I don't know.

I never should have
told him about Randy...

You didn't.

Well...

All I said... All I said was

that-that you were in
love with this fireman...

Gee, I'm sorry, Laverne.

- I thought...
- It's okay.

It's okay, Miss "I
Hate To Meddle."

Okay. Okay.

Okay, what?

What are you gonna do, Laverne?

Well, first I'm gonna...

Boy, this freezer works fast.

Yeah, I turned
it up all the way.

Uh, first, I'll thaw
out the picnic,

then I'll go down
to Sonny's office

and get him out of
the insurance business.

Good girl! And I'll go with you.

Oh, no. You've
done enough already.

I'm gonna give you a
lesson in subtleties, Laverne.

Men like to make
their own decisions.

I know what men
like, Shirl. Don't bother.

No, it's no bother.

I have to go downtown and buy
Carmine a new diaper anyway.

Well, you're not wearing this.

- My hat!
- Doesn't matter.

Okay. Payment of loss.

"The company may pay
for loss in... in money,

or may repair or
replace the damage..."

- Sonny? Sonny?
- "...or stolen property."

Yoo-hoo.

You ever hear of Michelangelo?

Yeah. Sure.

And you still want
to sell insurance?

I love it, Laverne.

I can't wait to come
to work every morning.

Yeah, well, I guess it
does beat stunt work, huh?

Sure does.

But I bet it's not as much
fun as stunt work, huh?

This is... This is fun, Laverne.

There's no greater feeling

than being part of the
Basic Indemnity family!

Well, at least they
gave you a nice office.

"Ensure the forwarding
department..."

Nice and big, nice big desk.

- Nice chair.
- "...to each insured against..."

Beige. Nice view, high up.

That's not so high.

I've jumped off
higher cliffs than that.

"Anymore, the insured
shall not operate..."

"company liability."

Hmm, company liability.

Oh, darn.

I dropped my sandwich
out on the ledge.

Can you come get
it for me, please?

Laverne, Laverne, I'm
working, I'm working.

Why don't you eat my sandwich?

Well, 'cause your
sandwich is frozen.

- Come on.
- Well, put it on a stick!

Well, then fine, I'll
just get it myself!

Watch it, boys!

Laverne, what are you doing?

Get back in here.

Well, why don't you take a
break and come out and join me

and feel this wall.

All right, don't move.

I'm coming to get you.

Boy, isn't it nice out here?

Fresh air.

Nice, brown, fresh air.

Okay.

Isn't it?

A little breeze.

Hey, look up there!

Hey, look. Look at all those
people running over here.

Yeah, they're
probably coming to see

the two idiots
jump off the ledge.

Come on, let's do some
stunts like they do in the movies.

No. I'm an insurance man now.

Okay.

Okay, everybody, watch this!

Balancing on one foot.

I got an idea.

Why don't you go inside...

Okay, here comes another one!

Balancing on one foot...

with a pigeon on my head.

Thank you.

See, people like
this kind of stuff.

What are you talking about?

They're in here having a picnic.

Yeah, well, they
moved it outside.

Laverne.

Laverne, I said be subtle.

This is not subtle.

Well, he didn't understand
from Michelangelo.

Step aside, lady.

Look, you don't want to jump.

There's a net down there.

Annette Funicello?

No, a safety net.

Odds are you're not
gonna die anyway.

Officer.

Officer, let me handle this.

That's my roommate
and her boyfriend.

Laverne,

get back in here; both
of you, back in here.

Sonny, get her in here, come on.

Talk to the scarecrow;
she won't let me touch her.

Well, you'll upset the birds.

Lady, for the last time,

this is a job for
the men... in blue!

Officer... officer, please.

Police brutality!

Laverne, have you had enough?

Sonny, you have no idea how
much I would like to go back inside,

but not until you
jump into that net.

Jump?

I don't even have insurance.

See what kind of a lousy
insurance salesman you are?

Why are you doing this?

What are you talking about?

This jump should be
a piece of cake for you.

Yeah, well, it would be,

if I had my pads and I was
doing a simple tuck and roll

into a 15-foot air mattress.

Kind of like the setup I
used when I took a fall

for Little Joe on Bonanza.

Yeah, you know Little Joe?

Yeah, the whole
Cartwright family

gave me a standing ovation.

Hoss and Hop Sing and everybody?

Yeah.

I'll tell you, you would
have been proud of me.

Yeah?

But I don't do that anymore.

Well, you should.

I should not.

- Yes, you should.
- I sh...

- You should.
- Laverne...

I can't talk to you with
those pigeons on your head.

Get them off.

- Go ahead.
- Hey, he took my hair!

Come back here with that!

I'll get you more hair.

Now, listen.

Are you saying I should
quit the insurance business?

Didn't come out here
to play with the pigeons.

Sonny, I want you to go back
to doing what makes you happy.

Yeah, but if I go back
to being a stuntman,

will you still go out with me?

All right, but we
got to take it slow.

It's a deal.

Thank you, thank you, everybody.

Thanks for coming!

Come on.

Close it so the birds
don't come in here

like with Tippi Hedren.

Laverne?

Laverne, give me your hand!

Just give...

Laverne?

Hope I have the right floor.

Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump...

I'll call it Heads of
a Vicious Crowd.

Laverne?

Laverne?

Laverne? Laverne?

♪ We're gonna do it ♪

♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪

♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪

♪ We're gonna make ♪

♪ That dream come true ♪

♪ And we'll do it our way ♪

♪ Yes, our way ♪

♪ Make all our dreams ♪

♪ Come true ♪

♪ For me and you. ♪