Laverne & Shirley (1976–1983): Season 3, Episode 8 - Laverne & Shirley Meet Fabian - full transcript
Rosie Greenbaum bets Laverne and Shirley they can't get into the hotel where singer Fabian is staying - as well as getting their picture taken with him. What plan of action will the girls "turn loose" to meet him and put Rosie in her place?
♪ One, two, three, four ♪
♪ Five, six, seven, eight ♪
♪ Schlemiel, Schlimazel,
Hasenpfeffer Incorporated. ♪
We're gonna do it! ♪
♪ Give us any
chance, we'll take it ♪
♪ Read us any
rule, we'll break it ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doin' it our way ♪
♪ Nothin's gonna
turn us back now ♪
♪ Straight ahead
and on the track now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doin' it our way ♪
♪ There is nothing
we won't try ♪
♪ Never heard the
word "impossible" ♪
♪ This time there's
no stopping us ♪
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪
Laverne and Shirley is filmed
before a studio audience.
♪ Turn me loose ♪
♪ Turn me loose ♪
♪ Too hot ♪
♪ Turn me loose ♪
♪ Turn me loose, I said ♪
♪ Turn me loose ♪
♪ Turn me loose... ♪
Oh...
Ugh...!
Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!
Hot!
Hot! Hot!
Oh, ah...
Good news, Laverne...
The boiler's fixed,
and the heat should be
up in a couple of minutes.
What happened?
Uh, I "buhned" my tongue.
Oh. Yeah, I "buhn"
my tongue all the time.
Where's Shirley?
Is she still standing on line
for tickets to the
Fabian concert?
Yeah. Boy, do we love Fabian.
We want to get good seats
so he can hear us scream.
Yeah.
You're really gaga
about him, aren't you?
Well, Shirley's gaga.
I'm just ga.
But we want to see
him in person real bad.
Oh, in my day the big heartthrob
was Cary Grant. Mm.
He still is a heartthrob.
Yeah. How come I got
older and he got cuter?
Aw, go on, Mrs. Babish.
Laverne! Oh, I'm sorry,
I got it all over you here.
I'll wipe it off.
Oh! there's the heat.
Oh, the heat, the
heat, the heat. Finally.
Yeah, listen, I got to run.
Your father's taking me to
Uncle Funji's for dinner tonight.
Oh, I wouldn't wear nothing
fancy to Uncle Funji's.
He likes to throw food at women.
Listen, I broke your
father of that habit.
I'll do the same
for Uncle Funji.
Bye.
Uh, good luck with that.
Oh, heat, heat, heat.
Yep, coming up.
It's not as easy as it looks.
Gangway! Stiff
broad here, stiff broad.
Be careful, she'll snap!
What happened? What happened?
We found her laying face down
in front of the Pfeister Arena.
Oh, it was disgusting, Laverne.
She was lying in the
snow like a wet bum.
Oh...
It's lucky for her that we
were there getting tickets
to the midget tag-team
wrestling championships.
Mm-hmm, it's
gonna be great, too...
The Battling Peewees
versus Tom and Milton Thumb.
Oh, yeah. Look, I
got to warm her up.
Go get some blankets
from the bedroom, huh?
Bedroom. Oh! Bedroom.
Come on.
Uh, how you doing?
How you doing?
Cold out? Sure, it's cold out.
That's why you're shivering.
What?
Sold out! They were sold out!
What do you mean
they were sold out?!
Okay, okay.
Okay, okay, what
happened, what happened?
Waited in the line,
and then I got right
up to the window,
and the man puts a sign
up that says "Sorry, sold out."
Aw... Gone, all gone!
Aw, gee.
Here, let me get you out
of this wet coat, will ya?
There, uh... Aw, look at that.
Uh, hurry up, guys, huh?
We're looking for your blankets!
Found 'em.
Aw, what's she crying about?
We didn't break that
lamp you used to have.
Get her warm, quickly.
Come on, hey, why all
the... why all the babbling?
She's crying 'cause we
didn't get the Fabian tickets.
Eh. Couldn't get...
sold out... Do something,
Squigg... cheer her up, huh?
There, there.
There, there, Shirley.
Come on, come
on, shut up, shut up.
- Shut up, Shirl, shut up.
- Come on, guys,
I got to get her out of
these wet clothes, so...
Okay, start with the
shirt... Do it slow, will ya?
Come on, everybody out.
No, sir, uh-uh-uh,
we saved her life.
That entitles us
to see her naked.
Out! Get out!
Kidding, I was joking.
Squiggy, out, out, out.
All right, all right, just for
that we ain't gonna take you
to the wrestling matches
like we promised ourselves.
Why don't we take
the Balooshy sisters?
Oh, Lenny, they're so shallow.
My life is over.
My idol in my own hometown,
and I don't get to see him.
Don't worry, we'll
get those tickets.
How? They're all
sold out, Laverne.
My pop's got connections.
Maybe he can help.
He knows people
down at the arena.
He knows the janitor.
Two seats. Okay!
All right, all right,
you got... Thank you.
Two tickets, balcony,
Two tickets! Balcony!
Front row... Front row!
Jerry Vale.
Jerry Vale?! Jerry Vale?!
We don't want to
see Jerry Vale! No!
He's an Italian singer,
and all Italian singers
sing the same way.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Jerry Vale is a very nice man,
he's a very sweet
man, but he's no Fabian.
We want to see Fabian.
Please, Poppy, Poppy...
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Isn't
there somebody else you can ask?
Please, please... Hold it!
I said, "I'm sorry!"
I got to go over to
Uncle Funji's house,
and I got to have dinner...
He's cooking for me and Edna.
Please, can't you
call somebody else...
Isn't there anybody else you
could ask? Any of the bookies?
I called everybody I know!
I called the Sons and
the Knights of Columbus!
I called the Elks,
the Lions, the Mice!
I guess he did try.
They probably didn't
understand a word he was saying.
Well, I'm just gonna
try and sit down
and pick up the pieces
to my broken heart.
Aw, knock it off, will ya?
Oh... Do you know who this is?
Fabian.
And that?
Fabian.
Fabian, Fabian... holy gee!
Oh, Fabian...
Aw, now, don't
start that. Fabian.
Look, we'll figure
something out. Fabian.
What? We haven't gotten
ahold of Carmine yet, have we?
No. His lines were busy all day.
I'll try again. Oh, do ask him.
Beg him, anything, please.
Come on, Rosie.
You let me fix it for you, okay?
It'll only cost you ten bucks.
Now, what do you know
about fixing Cadillacs?
Look, what I don't
know about cars,
you could fit in a manual.
Give me a chance, will ya?
All right, all right,
but on one condition:
you do not let Squiggy
touch my car, huh?
No problem... he's
down at the fish market
lining us up some
dates for tonight.
Hi, Shirl.
Hi, Rose.
How you feeling, Shirl?
Oh, a little bit better now,
thank you, Leonard. Good.
She almost froze herself waiting
for tickets to the Fabian concert.
Here, Mr. Wizard,
try and get it started.
See if you can figure out
which key opens the door.
You didn't tell me there
was gonna be a test.
Well, I got my two
seats... Fourth row center.
You guys are in the
balcony, I suppose?
No, we couldn't get tickets.
Aw. Well, Ogden wouldn't
mind if we didn't use these.
Really?! Oh, Rosie, we'd be
so happy to buy them from you!
Any price you say!
Oh, no, no, Shirl,
Shirl, I couldn't
sell them... I'm rich.
I'd give 'em away.
Oh! Wait a minute, wait
a minute, wait a minute.
My luck, I'd give 'em
away, he'd want to go.
I'm sorry, Shirl;
I'd better not.
Thanks anyway, Rosie.
Nothing, huh, Carmine?
Oh. Well, no. Thanks for trying.
Yeah, you can go
back to your lesson.
Aw, tough break
about Fabian, Shirl.
But look on the bright
side... Even if you got tickets,
you wouldn't have
nothing decent to wear.
Well, I got 'em.
Two tickets, front row center,
and not only that,
we are having supper with
Fabian before the concert.
Oh! Oh!
They're looking, Shirl.
People are looking
at us. Sit down.
Hey, don't panic.
I just came to get
the proper tools.
Wait-wait-wait a second.
You expect me to believe
you're having dinner with Fabian?
Liar, liar, pants
on fire, DeFazio.
Oh, no, Rose.
Laverne would never
lie about a thing like this,
'cause she knows how
much Fabian means to me.
Come off of it, Shirley.
Famous people do
not dine with bimbos.
Low blow!
Why not?
You told me the
mayor dined with you.
Give it to her!
Ladies!
I bet you do not have dinner
or ever meet Fabian.
You're on! What
do you want to bet?
Uh, how about a nickel?
Come on, girls, let's make
it a little interesting, huh?
My maid is off next week,
so when you girls lose the bet,
you got to come to my
house and scrub all my floors...
with a toothbrush.
Okey-dokey.
And when we win, you've
got to come to our house
and scrub all our floors
with your toothbrush...
if you got one.
Hey, hey, listen, listen.
I'm, uh, gonna need
some proof, you know.
What proof? You take our word
for it. Proof! I'm gonna need proof!
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
How about... how about a picture
of the two of you kissing
Fabian on the cheeks.
Perfect, perfect! Who
asked you?! Who asked you?!
That's a perfect idea.
It's a bet! It's a bet!
Got to tell you
something, Shirl.
So long, suckers.
So long, Rose.
Come here, come here, come here,
come here, come here, come here.
Listen to me. Listen to me! Hm?
There are no
tickets, Shirl... I lied.
You lied?
I couldn't help myself.
You lied? I couldn't
stand the way
she was teasing you
with them. You lied?
Okay, go ahead, hit
me, hit me in the chin.
Hit me as hard as
you want... I deserve it
I deserve it. I ought
to. I ought to just...
deck you... No.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm sick of all this whining.
We're going to win this bet.
Yeah.
Yeah?
We are going straight
to Fabian's hotel room.
I've got a plan, Laverne,
and all it involves is a
French accent and a wiggle.
Are you sure this
is going to work?
Trust me, Laverne.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What do you want?
Bonjour, bonjour,
bonjour. bonjour, bonjour.
French room service
for Monsieur Fabian.
He ain't here now.
Ah, but of course.
Lulu, Lulu,
ah, Monsieur Fabian
wanted the food...
How do you say...
Waiting for him.
Isn't that right, Lulu?
Oui, oui, Mimi.
One "oui" will do. Oui.
Hey, cutie, are you French, too?
Maurice Chevalier.
Oh, forgive her.
Her English is not so good.
She just get off the boat.
No kidding.
Hey, how do you like it here?
Eiffel Tower.
Well, we would
love to chitchat a bit,
but the food is getting
cold, you understand.
Yeah, I guess
it's okay; set it up.
Listen, I've got
to go get some
publicity pictures.
I'll be right back.
All right, you just run along.
We'll prepare the food
and then we'll beat it.
Listen, if the security
guards come by,
just show them your employee
identification cards, okay?
We're here!
We're in Fabian's
room! Fabian's room.
Oh, this is wonderful.
Didn't I tell you they'd
be nice to immigrants?
Yes, yes, you did.
Oh, I hope that Fabian gets here
before the security guards do.
I'd hate to get arrested
when we're so
close to meeting him.
Oh, don't worry about it.
We'll hide, and
we'll meet Fabian.
Then we'll get arrested. Okay.
♪ Then my baby
left me Wednesday ♪
♪ Won't be back till Thursday ♪
♪ Don't know what I'm gonna do ♪
♪ If I lost my baby... ♪
♪ I think I'll be
a little crazy ♪
♪ I don't know what... ♪
♪ I said my baby's... ♪
♪ I don't want to have... ♪
Oh, excuse me.
I see you, and you're
both going to be arrested.
Sorry.
♪ My baby loves me. ♪
We're going to jail.
There's no place to hide.
Quick, out the window!
Out the window! Out the window!
It's stuck! It's stuck!
Get this window!
Get this window!
Quick! Quick! Quick!
Open it! Open it!
I got it, I got it!
Out of the way!
Hurry up and get out there.
Hurry up, Laverne!
No pushing! No
pushing! No pushing!
Okay, Shirl, I know
you're panicked,
so don't look down.
Don't look down, Shirl.
Listen to me! You never listen.
We're 12 stories up.
I know, but don't scream,
or else we'll get caught.
Okay, all right.
Shh.
They must be around
here somewhere.
Let's look around some more.
Honest, they were right
in the closet a minute ago.
They tricked me bad!
Shirl, it's freezing out here.
Maybe they're gone now.
Why don't you look in the window
and take a peek?
Oh, what if they see me?
I don't want to get caught.
What if they see me?
Look casual. Just go ahead.
Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.
They're still in there.
They're still in there.
They're not here.
If we hurry, maybe
we'll catch 'em in the hall.
Hey, shut that window.
Do you want Fabian
to catch a cold?
Shirl, you can scream now.
We're here!
We're here! We're here!
We, we confess. We're here!
Oh, no, they've locked
it! They've locked it!
Wait! I got an
idea. I got an idea.
What is it? What is it?
There's an open
window on the next floor.
I'm going to try
to climb up to it.
Oh, come on, Laverne. I'm just
going to hang on this little guy's hand.
Please, watch it.
Oh, I broke a building.
I broke the building.
I broke it. Okay.
Okay, just leave it. Leave it.
I'll try the flag pole.
I'll try the flag pole.
Oh, Laverne, please,
please, please.
I can't reach it.
Please, I wish I was
a few inches taller.
Okay, okay, okay.
What? What? What?
Give me "on your mark, get set."
Ready.
Oh... oh... On your
mark, get set go!
Oh, don't look down,
don't look down.
Shirl, give me a
boost. Give me a boost.
Give me a boost. Give me
a boost. Give me a boost.
I gotcha, I gotcha.
All right, okay.
I gotcha, I gotcha.
All right, turn around
I'm good, I'm good.
All right, turn
around, hold on to me.
That's a girl.
There you go. There you go.
Give me my foot
back! Give me my foot!
Laverne!
Push a little, push
a little, push a little,
push a little, push a little,
push a little, push a little.
I don't think this was
such a good idea, Shirl.
Oh, I'm scared. Oh!
Okay, Fabian, come on in.
Are you steady there?
Yeah, sort of. Okay, okay.
I'm going to check inside.
Did they deliver my suits?
It's Fabian?
It's Fabian! I got my leg stuck!
I want to see Fabian! I
want to see him! Okay, okay.
Help me down. Help me down.
Scoot, scoot, scoot,
scoot, scoot, scoot.
Swing, Shirl, swing!
I'll be right with you, okay?
Pete, you checked the bathroom?
Yeah, it's all clear.
Good. I hate to have some girl
telling her grandchildren
she met me in a bathroom.
What a guy!
Swing, Shirl, swing, swing.
Shirl, are you gone?
Are you gone?
Where are you?
Oh! Oh! Help me
down! Help me down!
Help me down!
I... I don't know how.
Oh, I love you! I love you!
Hello?
Hello? Where is he?
Where is he? I don't see him.
He's in there. I saw him.
He's in here somewhere.
I don't see him.
Are you all right? Come in here.
You shouldn't be out there.
Girls, that wasn't very smart.
- No.
Hey, Fabe, those are those
two phony French
girls I told you about.
It's okay. It's okay.
They're freezing. Do me a favor.
Get a couple of my
coats. We'll get 'em warm.
Girls, come over here.
Sit down on the bed, all right?
Get yourself warm.
You did all this just to see me?
I'm glad you're safe.
Oh, hey... Oh...
Promise me now, you're
not going to do this again.
No. No.
Okay. Hey, are you
coming to see my concert?
We can't.
It was sold out,
and then Rosie, Rosie
wanted to see you...
Backstage passes for
the concert tonight, okay?
All right?
You brought that to
take a picture, didn't you?
Yes. Yes.
Pete, do you mind?
Oh!
I'll get right in between you.
Okay, move over.
If you girls want to
warm up your lips,
you could, you could
kiss me on the cheek.
Got it.
Hey, Fabe, we've
got 15 minutes, huh?
All right. Now, you girls
don't mind if I warm up, okay?
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Let's start with "Tiger."
Oh, oh, could you do
"Turn me Loose", please?
It's her favorite song.
Please? You got it.
Pete, "Turn me Loose," okay?
♪ Turn me loose ♪
♪ Turn me loose, I say ♪
♪ I guess today is
gonna, gonna be the day ♪
♪ I want you all to understand ♪
♪ Now I am a man,
so turn me loose ♪
♪ I got some change
in my pocket ♪
♪ And I'm a-rarin' to go ♪
♪ Takin' some chick
to the picture show ♪
♪ And when I see her home
and we kiss good night ♪
♪ Turn me loose, turn me loose ♪
♪ Turn me loose ♪
♪ Turn me loose, I say ♪
♪ I guess today is
gonna be the day ♪
♪ I want you all to understand ♪
♪ Now I am a man,
so turn me loose. ♪
♪ ♪
It was wonderful.
After the concert,
we had champagne
with Fabian and everything.
Yeah, he's really
a terrific guy.
He let me wear his coat.
I put my phone
number in his pocket.
Well, it don't sound like
such a big deal to me.
Lenny and I went
to a real wing-ding.
Mm-hmm, after the matches,
the midget wrestlers
invited us to a teeny luau.
Aw.
Were they wearing little
grass skirts and everything?
Yeah, little bitty ones.
Please don't encourage them.
Excuse me, excuse me, girls.
I, uh, finished the bedroom.
Bathroom, Rose.
♪ ♪
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our way ♪
♪ Yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our dreams ♪
♪ Come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪
♪ Five, six, seven, eight ♪
♪ Schlemiel, Schlimazel,
Hasenpfeffer Incorporated. ♪
We're gonna do it! ♪
♪ Give us any
chance, we'll take it ♪
♪ Read us any
rule, we'll break it ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doin' it our way ♪
♪ Nothin's gonna
turn us back now ♪
♪ Straight ahead
and on the track now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doin' it our way ♪
♪ There is nothing
we won't try ♪
♪ Never heard the
word "impossible" ♪
♪ This time there's
no stopping us ♪
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪
Laverne and Shirley is filmed
before a studio audience.
♪ Turn me loose ♪
♪ Turn me loose ♪
♪ Too hot ♪
♪ Turn me loose ♪
♪ Turn me loose, I said ♪
♪ Turn me loose ♪
♪ Turn me loose... ♪
Oh...
Ugh...!
Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!
Hot!
Hot! Hot!
Oh, ah...
Good news, Laverne...
The boiler's fixed,
and the heat should be
up in a couple of minutes.
What happened?
Uh, I "buhned" my tongue.
Oh. Yeah, I "buhn"
my tongue all the time.
Where's Shirley?
Is she still standing on line
for tickets to the
Fabian concert?
Yeah. Boy, do we love Fabian.
We want to get good seats
so he can hear us scream.
Yeah.
You're really gaga
about him, aren't you?
Well, Shirley's gaga.
I'm just ga.
But we want to see
him in person real bad.
Oh, in my day the big heartthrob
was Cary Grant. Mm.
He still is a heartthrob.
Yeah. How come I got
older and he got cuter?
Aw, go on, Mrs. Babish.
Laverne! Oh, I'm sorry,
I got it all over you here.
I'll wipe it off.
Oh! there's the heat.
Oh, the heat, the
heat, the heat. Finally.
Yeah, listen, I got to run.
Your father's taking me to
Uncle Funji's for dinner tonight.
Oh, I wouldn't wear nothing
fancy to Uncle Funji's.
He likes to throw food at women.
Listen, I broke your
father of that habit.
I'll do the same
for Uncle Funji.
Bye.
Uh, good luck with that.
Oh, heat, heat, heat.
Yep, coming up.
It's not as easy as it looks.
Gangway! Stiff
broad here, stiff broad.
Be careful, she'll snap!
What happened? What happened?
We found her laying face down
in front of the Pfeister Arena.
Oh, it was disgusting, Laverne.
She was lying in the
snow like a wet bum.
Oh...
It's lucky for her that we
were there getting tickets
to the midget tag-team
wrestling championships.
Mm-hmm, it's
gonna be great, too...
The Battling Peewees
versus Tom and Milton Thumb.
Oh, yeah. Look, I
got to warm her up.
Go get some blankets
from the bedroom, huh?
Bedroom. Oh! Bedroom.
Come on.
Uh, how you doing?
How you doing?
Cold out? Sure, it's cold out.
That's why you're shivering.
What?
Sold out! They were sold out!
What do you mean
they were sold out?!
Okay, okay.
Okay, okay, what
happened, what happened?
Waited in the line,
and then I got right
up to the window,
and the man puts a sign
up that says "Sorry, sold out."
Aw... Gone, all gone!
Aw, gee.
Here, let me get you out
of this wet coat, will ya?
There, uh... Aw, look at that.
Uh, hurry up, guys, huh?
We're looking for your blankets!
Found 'em.
Aw, what's she crying about?
We didn't break that
lamp you used to have.
Get her warm, quickly.
Come on, hey, why all
the... why all the babbling?
She's crying 'cause we
didn't get the Fabian tickets.
Eh. Couldn't get...
sold out... Do something,
Squigg... cheer her up, huh?
There, there.
There, there, Shirley.
Come on, come
on, shut up, shut up.
- Shut up, Shirl, shut up.
- Come on, guys,
I got to get her out of
these wet clothes, so...
Okay, start with the
shirt... Do it slow, will ya?
Come on, everybody out.
No, sir, uh-uh-uh,
we saved her life.
That entitles us
to see her naked.
Out! Get out!
Kidding, I was joking.
Squiggy, out, out, out.
All right, all right, just for
that we ain't gonna take you
to the wrestling matches
like we promised ourselves.
Why don't we take
the Balooshy sisters?
Oh, Lenny, they're so shallow.
My life is over.
My idol in my own hometown,
and I don't get to see him.
Don't worry, we'll
get those tickets.
How? They're all
sold out, Laverne.
My pop's got connections.
Maybe he can help.
He knows people
down at the arena.
He knows the janitor.
Two seats. Okay!
All right, all right,
you got... Thank you.
Two tickets, balcony,
Two tickets! Balcony!
Front row... Front row!
Jerry Vale.
Jerry Vale?! Jerry Vale?!
We don't want to
see Jerry Vale! No!
He's an Italian singer,
and all Italian singers
sing the same way.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Jerry Vale is a very nice man,
he's a very sweet
man, but he's no Fabian.
We want to see Fabian.
Please, Poppy, Poppy...
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Isn't
there somebody else you can ask?
Please, please... Hold it!
I said, "I'm sorry!"
I got to go over to
Uncle Funji's house,
and I got to have dinner...
He's cooking for me and Edna.
Please, can't you
call somebody else...
Isn't there anybody else you
could ask? Any of the bookies?
I called everybody I know!
I called the Sons and
the Knights of Columbus!
I called the Elks,
the Lions, the Mice!
I guess he did try.
They probably didn't
understand a word he was saying.
Well, I'm just gonna
try and sit down
and pick up the pieces
to my broken heart.
Aw, knock it off, will ya?
Oh... Do you know who this is?
Fabian.
And that?
Fabian.
Fabian, Fabian... holy gee!
Oh, Fabian...
Aw, now, don't
start that. Fabian.
Look, we'll figure
something out. Fabian.
What? We haven't gotten
ahold of Carmine yet, have we?
No. His lines were busy all day.
I'll try again. Oh, do ask him.
Beg him, anything, please.
Come on, Rosie.
You let me fix it for you, okay?
It'll only cost you ten bucks.
Now, what do you know
about fixing Cadillacs?
Look, what I don't
know about cars,
you could fit in a manual.
Give me a chance, will ya?
All right, all right,
but on one condition:
you do not let Squiggy
touch my car, huh?
No problem... he's
down at the fish market
lining us up some
dates for tonight.
Hi, Shirl.
Hi, Rose.
How you feeling, Shirl?
Oh, a little bit better now,
thank you, Leonard. Good.
She almost froze herself waiting
for tickets to the Fabian concert.
Here, Mr. Wizard,
try and get it started.
See if you can figure out
which key opens the door.
You didn't tell me there
was gonna be a test.
Well, I got my two
seats... Fourth row center.
You guys are in the
balcony, I suppose?
No, we couldn't get tickets.
Aw. Well, Ogden wouldn't
mind if we didn't use these.
Really?! Oh, Rosie, we'd be
so happy to buy them from you!
Any price you say!
Oh, no, no, Shirl,
Shirl, I couldn't
sell them... I'm rich.
I'd give 'em away.
Oh! Wait a minute, wait
a minute, wait a minute.
My luck, I'd give 'em
away, he'd want to go.
I'm sorry, Shirl;
I'd better not.
Thanks anyway, Rosie.
Nothing, huh, Carmine?
Oh. Well, no. Thanks for trying.
Yeah, you can go
back to your lesson.
Aw, tough break
about Fabian, Shirl.
But look on the bright
side... Even if you got tickets,
you wouldn't have
nothing decent to wear.
Well, I got 'em.
Two tickets, front row center,
and not only that,
we are having supper with
Fabian before the concert.
Oh! Oh!
They're looking, Shirl.
People are looking
at us. Sit down.
Hey, don't panic.
I just came to get
the proper tools.
Wait-wait-wait a second.
You expect me to believe
you're having dinner with Fabian?
Liar, liar, pants
on fire, DeFazio.
Oh, no, Rose.
Laverne would never
lie about a thing like this,
'cause she knows how
much Fabian means to me.
Come off of it, Shirley.
Famous people do
not dine with bimbos.
Low blow!
Why not?
You told me the
mayor dined with you.
Give it to her!
Ladies!
I bet you do not have dinner
or ever meet Fabian.
You're on! What
do you want to bet?
Uh, how about a nickel?
Come on, girls, let's make
it a little interesting, huh?
My maid is off next week,
so when you girls lose the bet,
you got to come to my
house and scrub all my floors...
with a toothbrush.
Okey-dokey.
And when we win, you've
got to come to our house
and scrub all our floors
with your toothbrush...
if you got one.
Hey, hey, listen, listen.
I'm, uh, gonna need
some proof, you know.
What proof? You take our word
for it. Proof! I'm gonna need proof!
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
How about... how about a picture
of the two of you kissing
Fabian on the cheeks.
Perfect, perfect! Who
asked you?! Who asked you?!
That's a perfect idea.
It's a bet! It's a bet!
Got to tell you
something, Shirl.
So long, suckers.
So long, Rose.
Come here, come here, come here,
come here, come here, come here.
Listen to me. Listen to me! Hm?
There are no
tickets, Shirl... I lied.
You lied?
I couldn't help myself.
You lied? I couldn't
stand the way
she was teasing you
with them. You lied?
Okay, go ahead, hit
me, hit me in the chin.
Hit me as hard as
you want... I deserve it
I deserve it. I ought
to. I ought to just...
deck you... No.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm sick of all this whining.
We're going to win this bet.
Yeah.
Yeah?
We are going straight
to Fabian's hotel room.
I've got a plan, Laverne,
and all it involves is a
French accent and a wiggle.
Are you sure this
is going to work?
Trust me, Laverne.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What do you want?
Bonjour, bonjour,
bonjour. bonjour, bonjour.
French room service
for Monsieur Fabian.
He ain't here now.
Ah, but of course.
Lulu, Lulu,
ah, Monsieur Fabian
wanted the food...
How do you say...
Waiting for him.
Isn't that right, Lulu?
Oui, oui, Mimi.
One "oui" will do. Oui.
Hey, cutie, are you French, too?
Maurice Chevalier.
Oh, forgive her.
Her English is not so good.
She just get off the boat.
No kidding.
Hey, how do you like it here?
Eiffel Tower.
Well, we would
love to chitchat a bit,
but the food is getting
cold, you understand.
Yeah, I guess
it's okay; set it up.
Listen, I've got
to go get some
publicity pictures.
I'll be right back.
All right, you just run along.
We'll prepare the food
and then we'll beat it.
Listen, if the security
guards come by,
just show them your employee
identification cards, okay?
We're here!
We're in Fabian's
room! Fabian's room.
Oh, this is wonderful.
Didn't I tell you they'd
be nice to immigrants?
Yes, yes, you did.
Oh, I hope that Fabian gets here
before the security guards do.
I'd hate to get arrested
when we're so
close to meeting him.
Oh, don't worry about it.
We'll hide, and
we'll meet Fabian.
Then we'll get arrested. Okay.
♪ Then my baby
left me Wednesday ♪
♪ Won't be back till Thursday ♪
♪ Don't know what I'm gonna do ♪
♪ If I lost my baby... ♪
♪ I think I'll be
a little crazy ♪
♪ I don't know what... ♪
♪ I said my baby's... ♪
♪ I don't want to have... ♪
Oh, excuse me.
I see you, and you're
both going to be arrested.
Sorry.
♪ My baby loves me. ♪
We're going to jail.
There's no place to hide.
Quick, out the window!
Out the window! Out the window!
It's stuck! It's stuck!
Get this window!
Get this window!
Quick! Quick! Quick!
Open it! Open it!
I got it, I got it!
Out of the way!
Hurry up and get out there.
Hurry up, Laverne!
No pushing! No
pushing! No pushing!
Okay, Shirl, I know
you're panicked,
so don't look down.
Don't look down, Shirl.
Listen to me! You never listen.
We're 12 stories up.
I know, but don't scream,
or else we'll get caught.
Okay, all right.
Shh.
They must be around
here somewhere.
Let's look around some more.
Honest, they were right
in the closet a minute ago.
They tricked me bad!
Shirl, it's freezing out here.
Maybe they're gone now.
Why don't you look in the window
and take a peek?
Oh, what if they see me?
I don't want to get caught.
What if they see me?
Look casual. Just go ahead.
Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.
They're still in there.
They're still in there.
They're not here.
If we hurry, maybe
we'll catch 'em in the hall.
Hey, shut that window.
Do you want Fabian
to catch a cold?
Shirl, you can scream now.
We're here!
We're here! We're here!
We, we confess. We're here!
Oh, no, they've locked
it! They've locked it!
Wait! I got an
idea. I got an idea.
What is it? What is it?
There's an open
window on the next floor.
I'm going to try
to climb up to it.
Oh, come on, Laverne. I'm just
going to hang on this little guy's hand.
Please, watch it.
Oh, I broke a building.
I broke the building.
I broke it. Okay.
Okay, just leave it. Leave it.
I'll try the flag pole.
I'll try the flag pole.
Oh, Laverne, please,
please, please.
I can't reach it.
Please, I wish I was
a few inches taller.
Okay, okay, okay.
What? What? What?
Give me "on your mark, get set."
Ready.
Oh... oh... On your
mark, get set go!
Oh, don't look down,
don't look down.
Shirl, give me a
boost. Give me a boost.
Give me a boost. Give me
a boost. Give me a boost.
I gotcha, I gotcha.
All right, okay.
I gotcha, I gotcha.
All right, turn around
I'm good, I'm good.
All right, turn
around, hold on to me.
That's a girl.
There you go. There you go.
Give me my foot
back! Give me my foot!
Laverne!
Push a little, push
a little, push a little,
push a little, push a little,
push a little, push a little.
I don't think this was
such a good idea, Shirl.
Oh, I'm scared. Oh!
Okay, Fabian, come on in.
Are you steady there?
Yeah, sort of. Okay, okay.
I'm going to check inside.
Did they deliver my suits?
It's Fabian?
It's Fabian! I got my leg stuck!
I want to see Fabian! I
want to see him! Okay, okay.
Help me down. Help me down.
Scoot, scoot, scoot,
scoot, scoot, scoot.
Swing, Shirl, swing!
I'll be right with you, okay?
Pete, you checked the bathroom?
Yeah, it's all clear.
Good. I hate to have some girl
telling her grandchildren
she met me in a bathroom.
What a guy!
Swing, Shirl, swing, swing.
Shirl, are you gone?
Are you gone?
Where are you?
Oh! Oh! Help me
down! Help me down!
Help me down!
I... I don't know how.
Oh, I love you! I love you!
Hello?
Hello? Where is he?
Where is he? I don't see him.
He's in there. I saw him.
He's in here somewhere.
I don't see him.
Are you all right? Come in here.
You shouldn't be out there.
Girls, that wasn't very smart.
- No.
Hey, Fabe, those are those
two phony French
girls I told you about.
It's okay. It's okay.
They're freezing. Do me a favor.
Get a couple of my
coats. We'll get 'em warm.
Girls, come over here.
Sit down on the bed, all right?
Get yourself warm.
You did all this just to see me?
I'm glad you're safe.
Oh, hey... Oh...
Promise me now, you're
not going to do this again.
No. No.
Okay. Hey, are you
coming to see my concert?
We can't.
It was sold out,
and then Rosie, Rosie
wanted to see you...
Backstage passes for
the concert tonight, okay?
All right?
You brought that to
take a picture, didn't you?
Yes. Yes.
Pete, do you mind?
Oh!
I'll get right in between you.
Okay, move over.
If you girls want to
warm up your lips,
you could, you could
kiss me on the cheek.
Got it.
Hey, Fabe, we've
got 15 minutes, huh?
All right. Now, you girls
don't mind if I warm up, okay?
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Let's start with "Tiger."
Oh, oh, could you do
"Turn me Loose", please?
It's her favorite song.
Please? You got it.
Pete, "Turn me Loose," okay?
♪ Turn me loose ♪
♪ Turn me loose, I say ♪
♪ I guess today is
gonna, gonna be the day ♪
♪ I want you all to understand ♪
♪ Now I am a man,
so turn me loose ♪
♪ I got some change
in my pocket ♪
♪ And I'm a-rarin' to go ♪
♪ Takin' some chick
to the picture show ♪
♪ And when I see her home
and we kiss good night ♪
♪ Turn me loose, turn me loose ♪
♪ Turn me loose ♪
♪ Turn me loose, I say ♪
♪ I guess today is
gonna be the day ♪
♪ I want you all to understand ♪
♪ Now I am a man,
so turn me loose. ♪
♪ ♪
It was wonderful.
After the concert,
we had champagne
with Fabian and everything.
Yeah, he's really
a terrific guy.
He let me wear his coat.
I put my phone
number in his pocket.
Well, it don't sound like
such a big deal to me.
Lenny and I went
to a real wing-ding.
Mm-hmm, after the matches,
the midget wrestlers
invited us to a teeny luau.
Aw.
Were they wearing little
grass skirts and everything?
Yeah, little bitty ones.
Please don't encourage them.
Excuse me, excuse me, girls.
I, uh, finished the bedroom.
Bathroom, Rose.
♪ ♪
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our way ♪
♪ Yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our dreams ♪
♪ Come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪