Laverne & Shirley (1976–1983): Season 3, Episode 24 - Breaking Up and Making Up: Edna & Frank - full transcript
♪ One, two, three, four ♪
♪ Five, six, seven, eight ♪
♪ Schlemiel, Schlimazel,
Hasenpfeffer Incorporated. ♪
♪ We're gonna do it! ♪
♪ Give us any
chance, we'll take it ♪
♪ Read us any
rule, we'll break it ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doin' it our way ♪
♪ Nothin's gonna
turn us back now ♪
♪ Straight ahead
and on the track now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doin' it our way ♪
♪ There is nothing
we won't try ♪
♪ Never heard the
word "impossible" ♪
♪ This time there's
no stopping us ♪
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our way ♪
♪ Yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪
Laverne & Shirley is filmed
before a studio audience.
♪ Running Bear loved
little White Dove ♪
♪ With a love as
big as the sky ♪
♪ Running Bear loved
little White Dove ♪
♪ With a love
that couldn't die. ♪
How!
Thank you!
Okay, so much for the love song.
Now we need a comedy number.
Yeah, we have
to talk about that.
I've got to have some tea.
Oh, thanks.
Oh.
What happens to
all the spoons here?
Oh, the customers
in the bowling alley
are probably using
them for shoehorns again.
The same spoons
I stir my tea with?
The same. Come on.
You want to help
me collect them?
Gladly.
And I'll give those
people a lecture
on sanitary procedures
they won't soon forget.
Look, Mr. DeFazio,
the girls and I are
going to be singing
at the Moose Lodge this
weekend for 25 bucks.
So, uh, now that we're
practically professionals,
you think you can pay me?
Pay you? Yeah.
How about all the time you
was practicing as an amateur?
Did you pay me?
Excuse me.
I'm, I'm looking
for Edna Babish.
Is she here?
Why? Uh, what are you, a
bill collector or something?
No, no. I'm Johnny.
Johnny Babish, her ex-husband.
Oh.
Uh, uh, she's in there
check... checking
people's shoes for spoons.
Uh, she'll be right out.
Why don't you have a seat, huh?
Thank you.
Waldo had three of them, I know.
And look, I can't believe
it. They get all bent.
Johnny! Edna!
Hey... oh... Oh,
so good to see you.
You look great!
Goodness gracious!
Hey, I want you to
meet my two best friends.
All right.
Shirley and Laverne.
Uh, Johnny Babish.
How do you do? I'm delighted.
Pleased to meet you. Thank you.
Hi, again.
I talked to you already.
You just missed
their big number.
I like your feathers.
Show biz. Show biz.
Wait here a minute.
Frank... Huh?
Frank, I want you to
come meet Johnny, my ex.
So?
Why, he just is in town
for a couple of hours, and
he asked me out for dinner.
I thought I ought
to check with you.
Why?
I sort of thought we
were going together.
Where we goin'?
I just assumed
that you would care.
Hey, you go out
with whom you want.
You understand
that? You're over 21.
Way over!
Thank you and good night,
Mr. Spring Chicken.
And now we're ready for
the swimsuit competition.
Aah...! Swimsuit
competition! Oh!
I'm going to turn down the sound
so we can see it better. Good.
What are you two
guys doing here?
The girls said we could watch
the Miss Dairyland Pageant
down here. Yeah, yeah.
Well, when are you
gonna get your own TV?
It really wouldn't pay.
I mean, all we ever
watch is beauty contests
and mummy pictures.
And My Mother the Talking Car
the Heckel and Jeckel Program.
Yeah, yeah, and Top
Cat and Winky Dink.
And Howdy Doody, Len.
And Howdy Doody
to you, too, Squig.
Oh, I don't know.
Shh! Please, will you be quiet?
We turned the sound
down so we could watch.
And they're about to
introduce Miss Milk.
You looking for Mrs. Babish?
She left hours ago
with a guy who looked
just like you... except he
was tall and good-looking.
Who do you like best so far?
So far, I'd have to say the one
that I like best
would be Miss Yogurt.
Yeah, she's smooth. Mm.
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
guys, hey, do me a favor.
What's the matter?
I don't want anybody
to know I'm here.
See who it is. Come on,
come on. Do me a favor.
All right, all right, all right.
All right, all right.
Lucky for you they just
put an advertisement on,
that's all I got to say.
Is it Edna? Wait a minute!
I haven't even focused
my eyeballs yet.
Oh, my!
Oh, Len, will you look at that?
What? What?!
He's taking her in his arms.
He's smothering her
with hot passionate kisses.
Who? What? Where?
Where is it?
I don't see nobody.
The redhead on the
third floor up there.
I thought you were
talking about Edna.
Who cares about a
redhead on the third floor,
you pickleheads?
Pickleheads? Pickleheads?
Frank, were you
checking up on me?
No!
Pickleheads? Pickleheads?
Come on, get out of here.
All right, we'll go watch
the contest in a bar.
Sure, if they serve
the pickleheads.
Mrs. Babish, you... you
wouldn't rent an apartment
to pickleheads, would you?
What?
All right, so maybe
we are pickleheads!
But we're the best
damned pickleheads
in the state of Milwaukee!
What's that all about?
Frank, I... I came
to tell you why
I went out with
Johnny Babish tonight.
Hey, hey, I'm not interested.
Tell the cop on the
corner; maybe he is.
Frank, you are jealous.
Now admit it. You're jealous.
I'm jealous?!
You've got to be kidding.
You can go with
anybody you want!
We ain't married, you know.
Thank heaven for that.
Oh, boy, you should've
seen us tonight.
Them Mooses went crazy over us!
Absolutely nuts over us!
This is how we opened.
♪ It's... cherry-... pink
and apple-blossom white ♪
♪ Cha, cha, cha ♪
♪ When your true
lover comes your way. ♪
You are the stubbornest,
most inconsiderate
man on earth.
You don't know a
thing about women.
I don't think they made up yet.
No.
Let's go get something
to eat and get out of here.
I know about women.
I know that they, they...
You can't trust them.
They go off on dates
behind your back.
I did not go out
behind your back.
You made me go out with Johnny.
Yeah, like I made you hug
that guy at the ballgame.
That was my cousin.
You got proof?!
I don't need to
prove anything to you
because you and I are finished.
Finished!
You know something? I went
out with Johnny Babish tonight,
and he got drunk.
He fell under the
table, he hit two waiters
and he stuck me with the check
and he still treated
me nicer than you do!
My, my you are quite the
seamstress, Mrs. Babish.
Well, what should we talk about?
Current events?
The weather?
Why you're not
talking to Mr. DeFazio?
Shirley, look, I can handle men.
I've been divorced five times.
Yes, well, you see,
divorce can be an
early warning sign
of a faulty relationship.
Now, I really don't think
that you ought to break
up with Mr. DeFazio.
I mean, he is a wonderful man.
Oh, yes, he's a wonderful man.
Not a week goes by
that he doesn't bring
me a little package.
Well, you see?
Now, isn't that sweet?
I love to get candy and flowers.
He brings me his dirty laundry.
His panties and everything?
I wouldn't call
them his panties.
I would call them circus tents.
Well, say no more. Say no more.
Oh, but there is more.
There is lots more.
Do you know that he won't
even admit to his friends
that we go together?
Oh, no, come on.
And you know what
really bugs me? What?
He never calls me by my first
name. Oh, well, come on now.
He must call you... What? You
know what he calls me? "Hey."
You know what you ought to do?
You want to take
some advice from me?
You ought to get
yourself all dolled up
and go out into that world
and just see what's happening
out there. That's right.
Absolutely. I mean, Mrs. Babish,
there are other fish in the sea.
You know what I
mean? You are right.
You are absolutely
right! Yes, oh, thank you.
And I have been out of
the ocean long enough.
That's right!
That's the attitude!
You should get out
there and start swimming!
Thank you, Shirley.
It's nothing.
You know, you do have a
knack for helping people.
Well, people do say that.
Wait a minute.
Wait just a second. I... Wait.
I'm pinned in here!
I, I... Whoo-hoo! whoo-hoo!
Somebody get
this dress off of me!
This looks like a job for
a couple of pickleheads.
Hi, Pop.
It's me, your little muffin.
How you doing?
Watching Father Knows Best.
TV's not on.
It's a repeat.
Look, Pop, I know
you're feeling crummy.
No, no, no, I feel pretty good.
Come on. Don't just sit
there like a bump on a log.
Get up. Let's play something.
Let's do something. Move around.
Hey, Pop, think fast!
Okay, here. Come on, Pop.
Chuck it in here, baby.
Chuck it in. Come
on. Chuck it in.
And it's a hot
grounder, and I got it!
You're not playing
with me. Okay.
Guess who I saw
on the way over here.
Edna.
She was just walking
down the street...
alone.
All alone. Nobody with her.
Who needs her?
You need her.
I don't need her!
You need her, Pop, a lot.
She needs me
more than I need her!
Yeah, but you need her, too.
You telling me I'm wrong?!
You gonna hit me?
No!
Then you're wrong.
You don't understand.
She don't understand.
Nobody understands!
Your mother understood.
Yeah, that woman used to get up
5:00 in the morning
just to make sauce.
Well, Pop, Mama was
Mom and Edna is Edna,
and sauce comes in cans now.
I know if I was married,
I wouldn't get up at no 5:00
in the morning to make sauce.
If you was married...
If you was married, you
wouldn't have to get up at 5:00.
Well, I'd get up at
5:00, I'd come over
and I'd make sauce and I'd
make dinner, I'd make supper.
I'd make everything
if you was married.
I know, I know, Pop,
you'd have a parade.
It would be wonderful.
Yeah.
Uh, what I'm trying
to say, Pop, is...
when I get married, I
want the guy to be...
Italian. Yeah, that,
but I want him to be romantic.
You know, women
like that kind of thing.
I got no time for
that kind of stuff.
Yeah, but you used to.
Yeah, you used to.
I remember when... when I
was real little back in Brooklyn.
I remember how you used to
pick flowers for Mama's hair,
just like in this picture here.
And that was romantic.
I can't do that no more.
Why not?
When I bend
down, I can't get up.
You don't have to
bend down and pick 'em.
You could go to a flower
shop and buy a flower.
Go to a flower shop
and buy a flower.
That's right.
Buy! Buy! Buy! Buy!
What does she give me?!
She keeps you from
being lonely, Pop.
Oh, I care about
you, so does Edna.
If you're not willing to try,
then there's nothing
more I can do.
Wait.
What I gotta do?
Why don't you come
over tomorrow night,
and Shirl and I will
make a nice dinner
and we'll invite
Mrs. Babish over
and you can make
up with her, huh?
You know, get all spiffied up.
Turn on that old charm, huh?
All you gotta do is remember
not to call her "Hey."
That's my pet name for her.
You can find another pet name,
something nice, something like
"Fluffy Butter-doll."
"Poopsie-Kissyface."
Where do you get these names?
Shirley spends Sunday
mornings making them up.
Shirley.
I love you, Pop.
No, no, no, this
way a little bit.
No, this way.
No, back, back... Back
that way over there.
Okay, perfect. Perfect.
Boy, that wore me out.
Okay, thanks, guys.
You can bring it back
to the studio tomorrow.
Hey, Shirl, the piano's here.
I'm taking off. Hold it.
I want to show
you what I borrowed
from Squiggy's Uncle
Elliott's wax museum.
What'd you borrow from
Squiggy's uncle from the wax...
Hi, guy.
I wanted to express
my heartfelt thanks.
Go out with me Friday night?
You got it, tiger.
Wear that dress?
Forever, if you want.
I love that dress.
You're gonna look
stupid bowling in it,
but I love that dress.
Bowling?
I can't bowl in this dress.
How am I going to
bowl in this dress?
You can't bowl anyway.
Smell this lasagna.
Smell it, huh?
Smells great. Real good, huh?
Okay, the wine. What
do you mean by that?
Just what do you mean
by, I can't bowl anyway?
Red wine properly chilled.
Laverne, you do
not chill red wine.
What's wrong with you? I
said "special occasion," Shirl!
Uh-oh, here comes one of them.
All right.
Okay, everything
set? Yes, I think so.
Okay.
You look beautiful.
Thank you. You look cute.
Isn't it lovely?
Perfect.
Hi, Mrs. Babish.
Come right in. You look pretty.
Come right in.
Welcome to our little dinner.
Is Frank here yet?
No.
Late as usual.
Girls, I don't think I
can go through with this.
Frank is never gonna change.
Honestly.
Well, I'm here, okay?
Frank... Pop, would
you look at you.
Can I check your hat, sir?
I looked at it
before I came here.
It's okay.
My, how very sweet.
You brought flowers.
They're not for
you, they're for her.
Thank you.
I don't know what to say.
Here, here's some candy.
Don't eat too
much. You'll get fat.
You don't know
what to say, either.
Yeah, I know what to say.
Give me back the candy.
Oh, no, Pop. She started it.
I know, Pop, but...
Okay, okay, it's show time.
It's show time, everybody.
Oh, just sit down, Mrs. Babish.
Let me take those. Just
find a seat right there.
I'll put these in some water.
She didn't mean it.
Come on, you look so cute.
Sit down on your
haunches, sit down.
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
presenting the silky sounds
of Miss Shirley Feeney
as she sets the romantic
mood for lovers only.
♪ If I love you ♪
♪ Time and again,
I would try to say ♪
♪ All I want you to know ♪
Are we happy tonight?
Are we a happy couple?
♪ If I love you ♪
♪ Words wouldn't
come in an easy way ♪
♪ 'Round in circles, I'd go ♪
♪ Longing to tell you ♪
♪ But afraid and shy ♪
♪ I'd let my golden chan... ♪
♪ ...golden chances ♪
♪ Pass me by ♪
Aah!
When you'd leave me ♪
♪ Off you would go
in the midst of day ♪
♪ Never ♪
♪ Never to... ♪
♪ Know ♪
♪ How I love you ♪
♪ If I loved you. ♪
That was very nice. Thank you.
What a voice.
Thank you very much.
Dinner is served.
Good. Sit down and
play some dinner music.
I'll try. I'll try my best.
Shirl.
Shirl, Shirl...
Romantic. Romantic.
Our wine list.
All you got is red.
A terrific choice.
I would prefer white wine.
Sure, because I want
red, you want white.
I like white better than red.
It's Italian food.
Italian food, you have red wine.
I am not Italian. I am Irish.
I know you're not Italian.
You're supposed to taste it.
Don't you know
how to do anything?
This Italian wine, Italian body.
Italian wine goes
into Italian body.
Three things that
give me a headache...
You, the Italian
wine and the music.
Shirley, will you please
stop playing that music?
Keep playing. I like that song.
I asked her not to play anymore.
It's giving me a headache.
Do you mind?
Would you stop it?!
So you jumped all over
Shirley. You jumped all over me.
And all we're trying to
do is help you make up.
Well, forget it.
You want to fight, go ahead,
throw lasagna at each other.
It's cold anyway.
But if you two wind
up sad and alone,
you've got no one to
blame but yourselves.
Come on, Shirl.
Do you think it was my song?
You were wonderful. I was?
You were wonderful.
They went to lots of trouble.
So did you.
Nah... I like the suit.
You look positively handsome.
Nah, I shaved and I combed
my hair, it was nothing.
Both on one day?
Hey... Come on, come
on, give me a break.
I'm trying to tell you
I'm not a romantic guy.
You understand?
You want romance?
Caesar Romero. Great.
I'm old-fashioned, that's it!
Old-fashioned, you've
got to understand that.
I love you and that's that.
What did you say?
That's that.
No, before "that's that."
Oh, Caesar Romero.
No between "Caesar
Romero" and "that's that."
What did you say? Come on. You
know what I said. I said it, all right?
But did you mean it?
If I didn't mean
it, I don't say it.
You understand that?
I'm too old to change.
But if you remind me,
I'll bring you a flower.
You know something?
I love you, too.
No kidding.
Me, too.
♪ Longing to tell you ♪
♪ But afraid and shy ♪
That's right, don't forget that.
Listen, girls, thank you.
I'm afraid we'll
have to skip dinner.
Okay. It's okay.
And thanks for helping us.
Aw... I'm sorry I yelled.
That's okay. That's all right.
Hey.
You know anybody
named "Hey" around here?
Okay.
Poopsie-Kissyface.
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our way ♪
♪ Yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our dreams ♪
♪ Come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪
♪ Five, six, seven, eight ♪
♪ Schlemiel, Schlimazel,
Hasenpfeffer Incorporated. ♪
♪ We're gonna do it! ♪
♪ Give us any
chance, we'll take it ♪
♪ Read us any
rule, we'll break it ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doin' it our way ♪
♪ Nothin's gonna
turn us back now ♪
♪ Straight ahead
and on the track now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doin' it our way ♪
♪ There is nothing
we won't try ♪
♪ Never heard the
word "impossible" ♪
♪ This time there's
no stopping us ♪
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our way ♪
♪ Yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪
Laverne & Shirley is filmed
before a studio audience.
♪ Running Bear loved
little White Dove ♪
♪ With a love as
big as the sky ♪
♪ Running Bear loved
little White Dove ♪
♪ With a love
that couldn't die. ♪
How!
Thank you!
Okay, so much for the love song.
Now we need a comedy number.
Yeah, we have
to talk about that.
I've got to have some tea.
Oh, thanks.
Oh.
What happens to
all the spoons here?
Oh, the customers
in the bowling alley
are probably using
them for shoehorns again.
The same spoons
I stir my tea with?
The same. Come on.
You want to help
me collect them?
Gladly.
And I'll give those
people a lecture
on sanitary procedures
they won't soon forget.
Look, Mr. DeFazio,
the girls and I are
going to be singing
at the Moose Lodge this
weekend for 25 bucks.
So, uh, now that we're
practically professionals,
you think you can pay me?
Pay you? Yeah.
How about all the time you
was practicing as an amateur?
Did you pay me?
Excuse me.
I'm, I'm looking
for Edna Babish.
Is she here?
Why? Uh, what are you, a
bill collector or something?
No, no. I'm Johnny.
Johnny Babish, her ex-husband.
Oh.
Uh, uh, she's in there
check... checking
people's shoes for spoons.
Uh, she'll be right out.
Why don't you have a seat, huh?
Thank you.
Waldo had three of them, I know.
And look, I can't believe
it. They get all bent.
Johnny! Edna!
Hey... oh... Oh,
so good to see you.
You look great!
Goodness gracious!
Hey, I want you to
meet my two best friends.
All right.
Shirley and Laverne.
Uh, Johnny Babish.
How do you do? I'm delighted.
Pleased to meet you. Thank you.
Hi, again.
I talked to you already.
You just missed
their big number.
I like your feathers.
Show biz. Show biz.
Wait here a minute.
Frank... Huh?
Frank, I want you to
come meet Johnny, my ex.
So?
Why, he just is in town
for a couple of hours, and
he asked me out for dinner.
I thought I ought
to check with you.
Why?
I sort of thought we
were going together.
Where we goin'?
I just assumed
that you would care.
Hey, you go out
with whom you want.
You understand
that? You're over 21.
Way over!
Thank you and good night,
Mr. Spring Chicken.
And now we're ready for
the swimsuit competition.
Aah...! Swimsuit
competition! Oh!
I'm going to turn down the sound
so we can see it better. Good.
What are you two
guys doing here?
The girls said we could watch
the Miss Dairyland Pageant
down here. Yeah, yeah.
Well, when are you
gonna get your own TV?
It really wouldn't pay.
I mean, all we ever
watch is beauty contests
and mummy pictures.
And My Mother the Talking Car
the Heckel and Jeckel Program.
Yeah, yeah, and Top
Cat and Winky Dink.
And Howdy Doody, Len.
And Howdy Doody
to you, too, Squig.
Oh, I don't know.
Shh! Please, will you be quiet?
We turned the sound
down so we could watch.
And they're about to
introduce Miss Milk.
You looking for Mrs. Babish?
She left hours ago
with a guy who looked
just like you... except he
was tall and good-looking.
Who do you like best so far?
So far, I'd have to say the one
that I like best
would be Miss Yogurt.
Yeah, she's smooth. Mm.
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
guys, hey, do me a favor.
What's the matter?
I don't want anybody
to know I'm here.
See who it is. Come on,
come on. Do me a favor.
All right, all right, all right.
All right, all right.
Lucky for you they just
put an advertisement on,
that's all I got to say.
Is it Edna? Wait a minute!
I haven't even focused
my eyeballs yet.
Oh, my!
Oh, Len, will you look at that?
What? What?!
He's taking her in his arms.
He's smothering her
with hot passionate kisses.
Who? What? Where?
Where is it?
I don't see nobody.
The redhead on the
third floor up there.
I thought you were
talking about Edna.
Who cares about a
redhead on the third floor,
you pickleheads?
Pickleheads? Pickleheads?
Frank, were you
checking up on me?
No!
Pickleheads? Pickleheads?
Come on, get out of here.
All right, we'll go watch
the contest in a bar.
Sure, if they serve
the pickleheads.
Mrs. Babish, you... you
wouldn't rent an apartment
to pickleheads, would you?
What?
All right, so maybe
we are pickleheads!
But we're the best
damned pickleheads
in the state of Milwaukee!
What's that all about?
Frank, I... I came
to tell you why
I went out with
Johnny Babish tonight.
Hey, hey, I'm not interested.
Tell the cop on the
corner; maybe he is.
Frank, you are jealous.
Now admit it. You're jealous.
I'm jealous?!
You've got to be kidding.
You can go with
anybody you want!
We ain't married, you know.
Thank heaven for that.
Oh, boy, you should've
seen us tonight.
Them Mooses went crazy over us!
Absolutely nuts over us!
This is how we opened.
♪ It's... cherry-... pink
and apple-blossom white ♪
♪ Cha, cha, cha ♪
♪ When your true
lover comes your way. ♪
You are the stubbornest,
most inconsiderate
man on earth.
You don't know a
thing about women.
I don't think they made up yet.
No.
Let's go get something
to eat and get out of here.
I know about women.
I know that they, they...
You can't trust them.
They go off on dates
behind your back.
I did not go out
behind your back.
You made me go out with Johnny.
Yeah, like I made you hug
that guy at the ballgame.
That was my cousin.
You got proof?!
I don't need to
prove anything to you
because you and I are finished.
Finished!
You know something? I went
out with Johnny Babish tonight,
and he got drunk.
He fell under the
table, he hit two waiters
and he stuck me with the check
and he still treated
me nicer than you do!
My, my you are quite the
seamstress, Mrs. Babish.
Well, what should we talk about?
Current events?
The weather?
Why you're not
talking to Mr. DeFazio?
Shirley, look, I can handle men.
I've been divorced five times.
Yes, well, you see,
divorce can be an
early warning sign
of a faulty relationship.
Now, I really don't think
that you ought to break
up with Mr. DeFazio.
I mean, he is a wonderful man.
Oh, yes, he's a wonderful man.
Not a week goes by
that he doesn't bring
me a little package.
Well, you see?
Now, isn't that sweet?
I love to get candy and flowers.
He brings me his dirty laundry.
His panties and everything?
I wouldn't call
them his panties.
I would call them circus tents.
Well, say no more. Say no more.
Oh, but there is more.
There is lots more.
Do you know that he won't
even admit to his friends
that we go together?
Oh, no, come on.
And you know what
really bugs me? What?
He never calls me by my first
name. Oh, well, come on now.
He must call you... What? You
know what he calls me? "Hey."
You know what you ought to do?
You want to take
some advice from me?
You ought to get
yourself all dolled up
and go out into that world
and just see what's happening
out there. That's right.
Absolutely. I mean, Mrs. Babish,
there are other fish in the sea.
You know what I
mean? You are right.
You are absolutely
right! Yes, oh, thank you.
And I have been out of
the ocean long enough.
That's right!
That's the attitude!
You should get out
there and start swimming!
Thank you, Shirley.
It's nothing.
You know, you do have a
knack for helping people.
Well, people do say that.
Wait a minute.
Wait just a second. I... Wait.
I'm pinned in here!
I, I... Whoo-hoo! whoo-hoo!
Somebody get
this dress off of me!
This looks like a job for
a couple of pickleheads.
Hi, Pop.
It's me, your little muffin.
How you doing?
Watching Father Knows Best.
TV's not on.
It's a repeat.
Look, Pop, I know
you're feeling crummy.
No, no, no, I feel pretty good.
Come on. Don't just sit
there like a bump on a log.
Get up. Let's play something.
Let's do something. Move around.
Hey, Pop, think fast!
Okay, here. Come on, Pop.
Chuck it in here, baby.
Chuck it in. Come
on. Chuck it in.
And it's a hot
grounder, and I got it!
You're not playing
with me. Okay.
Guess who I saw
on the way over here.
Edna.
She was just walking
down the street...
alone.
All alone. Nobody with her.
Who needs her?
You need her.
I don't need her!
You need her, Pop, a lot.
She needs me
more than I need her!
Yeah, but you need her, too.
You telling me I'm wrong?!
You gonna hit me?
No!
Then you're wrong.
You don't understand.
She don't understand.
Nobody understands!
Your mother understood.
Yeah, that woman used to get up
5:00 in the morning
just to make sauce.
Well, Pop, Mama was
Mom and Edna is Edna,
and sauce comes in cans now.
I know if I was married,
I wouldn't get up at no 5:00
in the morning to make sauce.
If you was married...
If you was married, you
wouldn't have to get up at 5:00.
Well, I'd get up at
5:00, I'd come over
and I'd make sauce and I'd
make dinner, I'd make supper.
I'd make everything
if you was married.
I know, I know, Pop,
you'd have a parade.
It would be wonderful.
Yeah.
Uh, what I'm trying
to say, Pop, is...
when I get married, I
want the guy to be...
Italian. Yeah, that,
but I want him to be romantic.
You know, women
like that kind of thing.
I got no time for
that kind of stuff.
Yeah, but you used to.
Yeah, you used to.
I remember when... when I
was real little back in Brooklyn.
I remember how you used to
pick flowers for Mama's hair,
just like in this picture here.
And that was romantic.
I can't do that no more.
Why not?
When I bend
down, I can't get up.
You don't have to
bend down and pick 'em.
You could go to a flower
shop and buy a flower.
Go to a flower shop
and buy a flower.
That's right.
Buy! Buy! Buy! Buy!
What does she give me?!
She keeps you from
being lonely, Pop.
Oh, I care about
you, so does Edna.
If you're not willing to try,
then there's nothing
more I can do.
Wait.
What I gotta do?
Why don't you come
over tomorrow night,
and Shirl and I will
make a nice dinner
and we'll invite
Mrs. Babish over
and you can make
up with her, huh?
You know, get all spiffied up.
Turn on that old charm, huh?
All you gotta do is remember
not to call her "Hey."
That's my pet name for her.
You can find another pet name,
something nice, something like
"Fluffy Butter-doll."
"Poopsie-Kissyface."
Where do you get these names?
Shirley spends Sunday
mornings making them up.
Shirley.
I love you, Pop.
No, no, no, this
way a little bit.
No, this way.
No, back, back... Back
that way over there.
Okay, perfect. Perfect.
Boy, that wore me out.
Okay, thanks, guys.
You can bring it back
to the studio tomorrow.
Hey, Shirl, the piano's here.
I'm taking off. Hold it.
I want to show
you what I borrowed
from Squiggy's Uncle
Elliott's wax museum.
What'd you borrow from
Squiggy's uncle from the wax...
Hi, guy.
I wanted to express
my heartfelt thanks.
Go out with me Friday night?
You got it, tiger.
Wear that dress?
Forever, if you want.
I love that dress.
You're gonna look
stupid bowling in it,
but I love that dress.
Bowling?
I can't bowl in this dress.
How am I going to
bowl in this dress?
You can't bowl anyway.
Smell this lasagna.
Smell it, huh?
Smells great. Real good, huh?
Okay, the wine. What
do you mean by that?
Just what do you mean
by, I can't bowl anyway?
Red wine properly chilled.
Laverne, you do
not chill red wine.
What's wrong with you? I
said "special occasion," Shirl!
Uh-oh, here comes one of them.
All right.
Okay, everything
set? Yes, I think so.
Okay.
You look beautiful.
Thank you. You look cute.
Isn't it lovely?
Perfect.
Hi, Mrs. Babish.
Come right in. You look pretty.
Come right in.
Welcome to our little dinner.
Is Frank here yet?
No.
Late as usual.
Girls, I don't think I
can go through with this.
Frank is never gonna change.
Honestly.
Well, I'm here, okay?
Frank... Pop, would
you look at you.
Can I check your hat, sir?
I looked at it
before I came here.
It's okay.
My, how very sweet.
You brought flowers.
They're not for
you, they're for her.
Thank you.
I don't know what to say.
Here, here's some candy.
Don't eat too
much. You'll get fat.
You don't know
what to say, either.
Yeah, I know what to say.
Give me back the candy.
Oh, no, Pop. She started it.
I know, Pop, but...
Okay, okay, it's show time.
It's show time, everybody.
Oh, just sit down, Mrs. Babish.
Let me take those. Just
find a seat right there.
I'll put these in some water.
She didn't mean it.
Come on, you look so cute.
Sit down on your
haunches, sit down.
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
presenting the silky sounds
of Miss Shirley Feeney
as she sets the romantic
mood for lovers only.
♪ If I love you ♪
♪ Time and again,
I would try to say ♪
♪ All I want you to know ♪
Are we happy tonight?
Are we a happy couple?
♪ If I love you ♪
♪ Words wouldn't
come in an easy way ♪
♪ 'Round in circles, I'd go ♪
♪ Longing to tell you ♪
♪ But afraid and shy ♪
♪ I'd let my golden chan... ♪
♪ ...golden chances ♪
♪ Pass me by ♪
Aah!
When you'd leave me ♪
♪ Off you would go
in the midst of day ♪
♪ Never ♪
♪ Never to... ♪
♪ Know ♪
♪ How I love you ♪
♪ If I loved you. ♪
That was very nice. Thank you.
What a voice.
Thank you very much.
Dinner is served.
Good. Sit down and
play some dinner music.
I'll try. I'll try my best.
Shirl.
Shirl, Shirl...
Romantic. Romantic.
Our wine list.
All you got is red.
A terrific choice.
I would prefer white wine.
Sure, because I want
red, you want white.
I like white better than red.
It's Italian food.
Italian food, you have red wine.
I am not Italian. I am Irish.
I know you're not Italian.
You're supposed to taste it.
Don't you know
how to do anything?
This Italian wine, Italian body.
Italian wine goes
into Italian body.
Three things that
give me a headache...
You, the Italian
wine and the music.
Shirley, will you please
stop playing that music?
Keep playing. I like that song.
I asked her not to play anymore.
It's giving me a headache.
Do you mind?
Would you stop it?!
So you jumped all over
Shirley. You jumped all over me.
And all we're trying to
do is help you make up.
Well, forget it.
You want to fight, go ahead,
throw lasagna at each other.
It's cold anyway.
But if you two wind
up sad and alone,
you've got no one to
blame but yourselves.
Come on, Shirl.
Do you think it was my song?
You were wonderful. I was?
You were wonderful.
They went to lots of trouble.
So did you.
Nah... I like the suit.
You look positively handsome.
Nah, I shaved and I combed
my hair, it was nothing.
Both on one day?
Hey... Come on, come
on, give me a break.
I'm trying to tell you
I'm not a romantic guy.
You understand?
You want romance?
Caesar Romero. Great.
I'm old-fashioned, that's it!
Old-fashioned, you've
got to understand that.
I love you and that's that.
What did you say?
That's that.
No, before "that's that."
Oh, Caesar Romero.
No between "Caesar
Romero" and "that's that."
What did you say? Come on. You
know what I said. I said it, all right?
But did you mean it?
If I didn't mean
it, I don't say it.
You understand that?
I'm too old to change.
But if you remind me,
I'll bring you a flower.
You know something?
I love you, too.
No kidding.
Me, too.
♪ Longing to tell you ♪
♪ But afraid and shy ♪
That's right, don't forget that.
Listen, girls, thank you.
I'm afraid we'll
have to skip dinner.
Okay. It's okay.
And thanks for helping us.
Aw... I'm sorry I yelled.
That's okay. That's all right.
Hey.
You know anybody
named "Hey" around here?
Okay.
Poopsie-Kissyface.
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our way ♪
♪ Yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our dreams ♪
♪ Come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪