Laverne & Shirley (1976–1983): Season 3, Episode 2 - Tag Team Wrestling - full transcript
♪ One, two, three, four ♪
♪ Five, six, seven, eight ♪
♪ Schlemiel, Schlimazel,
Hasenpfeffer Incorporated. ♪
We're gonna do it! ♪
♪ Give us any
chance, we'll take it ♪
♪ Read us any
rule, we'll break it ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doin' it our way ♪
♪ Nothing's gonna
turn us back now ♪
♪ Straight ahead
and on the track now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doin' it our way ♪
♪ There is nothing
we won't try ♪
♪ Never heard the
word "impossible" ♪
♪ This time there's
no stopping us ♪
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪
Laverne & Shirley is filmed
before a studio audience.
Hello.
Hang on.
Somebody wants tickets.
Oh.
Hello?
Uh, yeah, yeah, we're
going to have wrestling.
Uh, it's, uh, the
Masked Marvelettes...
Two professionals...
against... Yeah.
Against, uh, Laverne
DeFazio and Terry Buttafucco.
Yeah.
Oh, uh... No, we're
not taking bets.
Yeah... oh, and, uh,
Carmine Ragusa is going to
have an exhibition boxing match.
Yeah.
Uh, no, we don't know
who's going to fight him yet.
Would you be interested?
Hello?
Hello?!
I think I just blew a sale.
Hi, Mrs. Babish, hi, everybody.
I got 'em.
I got 'em, I got
the Billy buttons.
Aren't they great?
Aw... Look at this face.
There's little Billy,
the orphan of the year.
Who could turn
down buying a ticket
when they looked at this face?
And I got a great
slogan, too, listen to this.
"A Billy button for
your belly button."
Well!
I see we're all busy,
busy, busy as little bees.
Did you remember to
call the sign painter?
Oh, oh, thanks for reminding me.
I got to go check on him.
I'm worried about how
he spelled "Buttafucco."
Yeah, that could pose a problem.
How you doing, Mrs. Kolchek?!
How are ya?!
Want a Billy button
for your belly button?!
Well, maybe later.
Okay, everybody, listen.
I want you to take these flyers
down to where crowds gather.
Take them to the churches,
take them to the synagogues,
take them outside Ready
Betty Waselewski's window,
and pass them out.
Helen, come here.
Helen, I want you to stay
away from Ready Betty's.
I want you...
to concentrate on
the supermarkets.
You take these down
to the supermarkets
and you shove
them in the baskets
and you shove them
in people's pockets,
and don't take no for an answer.
Just shove 'em,
shove 'em, shove 'em.
I like shoving. Good g...
She's a lovely child, isn't she?
Well, Mrs. Kolchek,
I have to go now!
I have to go and find
somebody to box Carmine,
so I'm go... I'm going to leave
you in charge, Mrs. Kolchek,
and if anybody calls...
Maybe no one'll call, huh?
Will you calm down?
Put me down, come on, come on.
I'll... I'll put you down
if you promise me
you're not going to fight.
I'm not going to fight.
Are your fingers crossed?
Let's see 'em.
Okay.
Get over here!
What happened?
Me and Terry went
shopping to buy Terry here
a, a sweat suit...
Not an easy job...
When, all of a
sudden, around the...
You can put me down now, Ter.
Ter, you can put me down.
Here's a cookie.
Okay, we were coming
around our corner here, right?
And then some yo-yo
comes and cuts us off,
so she got out of her
car, I got out of my car.
Then we started circling, yeah?
And then she starts
growling at me.
Growling at you? Yeah.
So I called her a banana face.
Don't. Don't encourage her.
Women fighting in the streets.
Really sweet, huh, Mrs. Kolchek?
Really cute.
Aw, I didn't even
get to land a punch.
Terry broke it up.
Good girl.
Good girl.
Laverne, come here
a moment, won't you?
What?
Don't we have enough work
to do without you picking fights?
I wasn't... Huh?
Or have you forgotten little
Billy's playground, hmm?
Yeah, but she almost cut me...
She... came in...
Aw, look at that face.
Okay, you're right.
I'm sorry, but she got me crazy.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Look at that, you're
working her like a dog.
No, I'm not.
Mrs. Kolchek.
Oh, forget it, she's
deaf as a doorknob.
You want a milk and Pepsi?
Whatever you have the most of.
I did good, right, Shirl?
Yes, you did very good, Terry.
But you know something?
Just 'cause you work on the
loading dock doesn't mean
you shouldn't look nice.
I mean, you ought to find
some sort of a hairstyle
for yourself... a
beehive or a bubble...
Ooh, gee, your hair
is just squeaky clean.
What do you use?
Ajax.
We're going to have to
donate an entire weekend
to your grooming.
Well, Laverne, Laverne,
I got to leave now.
I got to go find
somebody to box Carmine.
Okay.
Here, Mrs. Kolchek, take
a sip of this milk and Pepsi.
Yuck!
Well, it's an acquired taste.
Okay, Ter, come on.
We got to keep practicing.
Oh... Hey, hey,
wrestling is hard work.
Just why are you two
training so much, huh?
We are training so much
'cause we want to win
this wrestling match.
I thought so.
This is just an
exhibition match.
Yeah, but... Nobody
wins, nobody loses.
Just you
and the Masked Marvelettes
rolling around in the ring
together for a little while,
showing a few wrestling holds.
That's it, that's it, get it?
Yeah, I got it, but what
if they fight for real?
They'll kill you.
They will, I know,
I hired these girls.
They're killers.
Well, I got to go now.
I got to find somebody
to box Carmine.
Terry, keep her out of trouble.
What was that name
you called that girl?
Banana face.
People do not like
to be called fruit.
Jump in anytime, Mrs. Kolchek.
Oh, Laverne.
♪ Strawberry shortcake,
cream on top ♪
♪ Tell me the name
of your sweetheart. ♪
You always did that.
Ever since you were
this big, you ruined it.
I never liked jumping rope.
It's just not my cup of tea.
Laverne, I got terrible news.
I can't find anybody
to box Carmine.
Of course not.
Anyone who would get
in the ring with Carmine
is going to look like the
biggest fool in the world.
Hello.
What about the
littlest fool in the world?
Ladies and gentlemen,
thanks for coming and
helping the orphans.
And now, for the big fight,
the champion
Golden Gloves winner
Carmine "The Big Ragu" Ragusa!
Whoo!
He is coming.
Lenny! Lenny!
What's the matter?
Why are you throwing
food at the people?
I never seen a crowd
yet that didn't love bacon.
Here you go.
And in this corner,
the challenger...
Kid Squiggy!
You scrawny chicken!
Hey, why don't you
come up here, lady?
You think it's so easy.
Come on.
C'mere, fellas...
Okay, now, I want a, I want
a good fight, you understand?
I want a fair fight
and a good fight.
No biting, no hair-pulling,
and no hitting below the belt.
Well, there goes our strategy.
Right down the drain.
Don't worry, Squig, I'll
take it easy, I won't hurt you.
All right? Don't do me any favors
'cause I don't want to feel guilty
when I go to your funeral.
Arms down. I'm trying to get...
The man is being beaten
to death by his own robe.
We want our money back!
What for?
You didn't pay
for this robe, lady!
Hey, Squiggman, you're a bum!
Come on, why don't
you come up here?
All of yous come up here.
Women and children
first, let's go! Shh!
I'll take you all on.
Don't pay any attention to them.
Look, look, look, look.
They said no hitting
below the belt, right? Yeah.
Well, this ought to confuse
Carmine just a little bit.
What have you got in mind?
How's that?
But Lenny, it's binding.
Over here. Come on, shake hands.
Touch gloves and
come out fighting.
What the heck are you doing?
That's a foul, that's a foul.
I'm sure that's a foul.
I want you to get in there.
I want you to hit
him low, hit him low.
That's where I always
hit. Go after him.
Hit him low, get
'em up, hit him low.
Hit him low. Come on, Carmine.
That's it, hit him low. Come on.
Attaboy! Hit him low!
One!
Come here, come here.
Look, you got to dance with him.
You got to dance with him.
All right, well, hum
something, will you?
Put me in the mood.
I don't like this any more
than you do, Carmine.
W-Will you be serious?
This is serious business here.
I am serious.
Come on and land
a punch, will you?
Come on.
It's not too good.
Laverne.
Come on, what's the matter?
You scared? Oh, come on.
Not down there, not
down there, come on.
Laverne... Laverne?
What?
My dear, you, you look stunning.
Oh, thanks.
Laverne, you got
to get up there,
you got to get up there.
It is going terrible up there.
What's going on?
It's a disaster area.
Squiggy does not
know what he's doing.
So?
That's a surprise?
You don't understand.
The crowd wants their
money back, they're leaving.
You got to go up there
and make them happy.
Oh, make them happy?
Wait till you see it, Shirl,
me and Terry have this
great entrance planned.
She carries me in
on her shoulders.
Where is Terry anyway?
Oh you know Terry,
she likes to count each
piece of the sidewalk
till she gets here.
Look, look, I'll go
and try and find Terry,
you go out there and try and
stop that crowd from leaving.
You can't outpower him,
you can't outdance him.
We got to uncork
the secret weapon.
Fine. What? Give
him the Bolo punch.
What the... is the Bolo punch?
You just haul off
and let him have it.
Squig? Squig? One.
Squig? Squig? Two.
Spread out. Give him room.
Squig?
Squig?
Ladies and gentlemen.
The main event.
The match of the century.
Introducing, at this time,
The Masked Marvelettes!
Pretty scary, huh?
And their opponents
for the evening,
the Queens of Knapp Street.
Our own Terry
Buttafucco and Laverne
DeFazio.
Terry hasn't shown yet.
Well, don't worry, she'll be,
she'll be here.
But look, you gotta
do something now,
the, the people are
asking for their money back.
Oh, don't worry, I'll
just call them names.
That's what they do on TV.
Hi, Pop, how are you doing?
Okay, honey.
You look like a
real queen, Laverne.
Hey, Mabel, ain't that the creep
that called you a banana face?
Uh, yeah, I'm going to kill her.
Hey, what are you talking about?
This is just supposed
to be an exhibition.
How about an exhibition
of you two tearing her apart?
Hey, DeFazio,
show them what you're made of.
Hey, you see them
there wearing masks?
Well, when we
get done with them,
they're going to need
masks permanently.
Here, hold on to this.
Yeah.
Hey, that was a
pretty good one, huh?
Yeah?
Well I've got another good one.
Hey, I remember you,
you're banana face.
So, you're a professional
wrestler, how nice.
You ain't talking so big now,
are you, big mouth?
Yeah, well,
we're going to let our
fighting do our talking for us.
When my partner gets here,
she's going to
tear you to ribbons.
Here she comes...
come on in here, Ter.
Now you'll eat your words.
Right?
Come on, in here, hurry up, Ter.
Get up here, Ter,
stop tying your shoes,
get up here, come
on, all the way up.
Where are you, Ter?
Come on, all the
way up, all the way up.
What happened? You shrink?
Laverne, the darndest
thing has happened.
Terry can't make it,
so now I got to do this,
but we'll make
the best of it, huh?
Here you go, hold that.
You want to make up?
Hey, Laverne's
going to fight them
with Shirley.
Now, what do you mean,
Terry is not going to be here?
She strained her back
lifting her brother's De Soto.
What?
It's only an exhibition.
Let's make it look good, okay?
All right, you women!
You're in for some
rough stuff tonight.
No, you're not!
No rough stuff, That you
have never seen before.
No rough stuff. We
are gonna take these
two women, and we are
going to slap them silly!
No, we're not, no, we're
not. And then, then after that,
we are gonna give
them each a pink belly.
The biggest pink belly they've
ever had. No pink belly, Shirley.
- No pink belly...
- Arlene,
I want you to make a pretzel
out of the little one.
Ooooh... ooh, make a pretzel...
She's playing
right along with us.
They're quite the
showmen, aren't they?
Listen, you twerp...
Listen to me,
listen to me, listen to me!
Would you listen to
me? Would you just...?
Would you just stop it?!
Now listen to me! What?
Remember that girl
that cut me off the other day?
The one that you
called banana face?
And then the, and then
she growled at you?
Yeah, what about her?
Which one?
Tall one.
They want to fight for real.
Oh, they're going to kill us!
We've got to call this off.
Hey, hey, hey, look
at those bimbos run!
Bimbos?
That's it.
No, no, no, no, Laverne.
Trust me, these
girls are killers.
I hired them... Don't
worry, don't worry.
Just stay outside those ropes.
And don't worry...
I'll use everything
I learned. Okay.
Ha, ooh, ooh.
No, hey, move it.
Tag me!
Tag me now, tag me now.
Tag me, tag me!
Nothing's happened yet.
Come on!
Move, Laverne, move.
All right, all right.
You're tagged,
you're tagged. No.
My turn, my turn,
I got a turn at it.
Okay, okay. It looks easy!
Okay, honey.
Tag, you're it, you're it!
Here I go.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
How do I do it?
What do I do?
Help!
Come on, Mabel!
Oh, no, not me,
please, oh, please.
Oh, dear, Laverne!
Laverne.
I'll get you right into a...
Watch out!
No!
Ooh.
Shirl, Shirl!
Did Fabian call?
Guys, oh...
Get her! LAVERNE: Okay, take me.
Do whatever you
want to me, I don't care.
I give up.
That was... What? Oh!
Laverne! Tag me!
Tag me. Oh, dear.
Shake her!
Shake her!
Oh! Oh.
They can't do that!
Oh!
Oh, dear.
Look out, Laverne!
Give her the atomic backbreaker!
One... two... three... Kill!
No.
Oh!
Watch this, watch this!
Pin them!
We got them, Pop, come on...
One... two... three... you win!
What a night.
It has turned out better
than I ever dreamed possible.
Will you take a
look at me, Shirl?
There isn't a place on my body
that isn't hurt.
Even my eyebrows are sore.
Well, you said that
you wanted to win,
and you won.
Yeah, win.
The losers jumped
out of the ring
and went roller skating.
I'm sitting here like
a... a big boo-boo.
You're taking a very
bleak view of things.
You learned a very
big lesson tonight.
Yeah, never call a
professional wrestler
a banana face.
Words to live by.
Listen to this.
Not only did we
make enough money
for the orphans'
playground equipment,
but we have enough left over
to buy them a television set.
Yeah? Uh-huh.
We did good, huh? Sure did.
We made kids happy.
Well...
I feel like Brando in
On The Waterfront.
Remember that movie?
I could have been
something, Charlie.
I could have been a contender,
instead of a bum, which
is what I am, let's face it.
The night I fought Wilson,
before the fight you said,
"It's not your night, kid."
Not your night?!
I could have taken Wilson apart,
but what happens?
He gets a shot at the title
in an outdoor ballpark,
and I end up with
a one-way ticket
to Palookaville.
You's my brother, Charlie.
You should look
out for me a little.
That was that movie where
they killed them pigeons, wasn't it?
Best movie ever
made in the world!
I hated that movie!
It was wonderful!
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our way ♪
♪ Yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our dreams ♪
♪ Come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪
♪ Five, six, seven, eight ♪
♪ Schlemiel, Schlimazel,
Hasenpfeffer Incorporated. ♪
We're gonna do it! ♪
♪ Give us any
chance, we'll take it ♪
♪ Read us any
rule, we'll break it ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doin' it our way ♪
♪ Nothing's gonna
turn us back now ♪
♪ Straight ahead
and on the track now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doin' it our way ♪
♪ There is nothing
we won't try ♪
♪ Never heard the
word "impossible" ♪
♪ This time there's
no stopping us ♪
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪
Laverne & Shirley is filmed
before a studio audience.
Hello.
Hang on.
Somebody wants tickets.
Oh.
Hello?
Uh, yeah, yeah, we're
going to have wrestling.
Uh, it's, uh, the
Masked Marvelettes...
Two professionals...
against... Yeah.
Against, uh, Laverne
DeFazio and Terry Buttafucco.
Yeah.
Oh, uh... No, we're
not taking bets.
Yeah... oh, and, uh,
Carmine Ragusa is going to
have an exhibition boxing match.
Yeah.
Uh, no, we don't know
who's going to fight him yet.
Would you be interested?
Hello?
Hello?!
I think I just blew a sale.
Hi, Mrs. Babish, hi, everybody.
I got 'em.
I got 'em, I got
the Billy buttons.
Aren't they great?
Aw... Look at this face.
There's little Billy,
the orphan of the year.
Who could turn
down buying a ticket
when they looked at this face?
And I got a great
slogan, too, listen to this.
"A Billy button for
your belly button."
Well!
I see we're all busy,
busy, busy as little bees.
Did you remember to
call the sign painter?
Oh, oh, thanks for reminding me.
I got to go check on him.
I'm worried about how
he spelled "Buttafucco."
Yeah, that could pose a problem.
How you doing, Mrs. Kolchek?!
How are ya?!
Want a Billy button
for your belly button?!
Well, maybe later.
Okay, everybody, listen.
I want you to take these flyers
down to where crowds gather.
Take them to the churches,
take them to the synagogues,
take them outside Ready
Betty Waselewski's window,
and pass them out.
Helen, come here.
Helen, I want you to stay
away from Ready Betty's.
I want you...
to concentrate on
the supermarkets.
You take these down
to the supermarkets
and you shove
them in the baskets
and you shove them
in people's pockets,
and don't take no for an answer.
Just shove 'em,
shove 'em, shove 'em.
I like shoving. Good g...
She's a lovely child, isn't she?
Well, Mrs. Kolchek,
I have to go now!
I have to go and find
somebody to box Carmine,
so I'm go... I'm going to leave
you in charge, Mrs. Kolchek,
and if anybody calls...
Maybe no one'll call, huh?
Will you calm down?
Put me down, come on, come on.
I'll... I'll put you down
if you promise me
you're not going to fight.
I'm not going to fight.
Are your fingers crossed?
Let's see 'em.
Okay.
Get over here!
What happened?
Me and Terry went
shopping to buy Terry here
a, a sweat suit...
Not an easy job...
When, all of a
sudden, around the...
You can put me down now, Ter.
Ter, you can put me down.
Here's a cookie.
Okay, we were coming
around our corner here, right?
And then some yo-yo
comes and cuts us off,
so she got out of her
car, I got out of my car.
Then we started circling, yeah?
And then she starts
growling at me.
Growling at you? Yeah.
So I called her a banana face.
Don't. Don't encourage her.
Women fighting in the streets.
Really sweet, huh, Mrs. Kolchek?
Really cute.
Aw, I didn't even
get to land a punch.
Terry broke it up.
Good girl.
Good girl.
Laverne, come here
a moment, won't you?
What?
Don't we have enough work
to do without you picking fights?
I wasn't... Huh?
Or have you forgotten little
Billy's playground, hmm?
Yeah, but she almost cut me...
She... came in...
Aw, look at that face.
Okay, you're right.
I'm sorry, but she got me crazy.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Look at that, you're
working her like a dog.
No, I'm not.
Mrs. Kolchek.
Oh, forget it, she's
deaf as a doorknob.
You want a milk and Pepsi?
Whatever you have the most of.
I did good, right, Shirl?
Yes, you did very good, Terry.
But you know something?
Just 'cause you work on the
loading dock doesn't mean
you shouldn't look nice.
I mean, you ought to find
some sort of a hairstyle
for yourself... a
beehive or a bubble...
Ooh, gee, your hair
is just squeaky clean.
What do you use?
Ajax.
We're going to have to
donate an entire weekend
to your grooming.
Well, Laverne, Laverne,
I got to leave now.
I got to go find
somebody to box Carmine.
Okay.
Here, Mrs. Kolchek, take
a sip of this milk and Pepsi.
Yuck!
Well, it's an acquired taste.
Okay, Ter, come on.
We got to keep practicing.
Oh... Hey, hey,
wrestling is hard work.
Just why are you two
training so much, huh?
We are training so much
'cause we want to win
this wrestling match.
I thought so.
This is just an
exhibition match.
Yeah, but... Nobody
wins, nobody loses.
Just you
and the Masked Marvelettes
rolling around in the ring
together for a little while,
showing a few wrestling holds.
That's it, that's it, get it?
Yeah, I got it, but what
if they fight for real?
They'll kill you.
They will, I know,
I hired these girls.
They're killers.
Well, I got to go now.
I got to find somebody
to box Carmine.
Terry, keep her out of trouble.
What was that name
you called that girl?
Banana face.
People do not like
to be called fruit.
Jump in anytime, Mrs. Kolchek.
Oh, Laverne.
♪ Strawberry shortcake,
cream on top ♪
♪ Tell me the name
of your sweetheart. ♪
You always did that.
Ever since you were
this big, you ruined it.
I never liked jumping rope.
It's just not my cup of tea.
Laverne, I got terrible news.
I can't find anybody
to box Carmine.
Of course not.
Anyone who would get
in the ring with Carmine
is going to look like the
biggest fool in the world.
Hello.
What about the
littlest fool in the world?
Ladies and gentlemen,
thanks for coming and
helping the orphans.
And now, for the big fight,
the champion
Golden Gloves winner
Carmine "The Big Ragu" Ragusa!
Whoo!
He is coming.
Lenny! Lenny!
What's the matter?
Why are you throwing
food at the people?
I never seen a crowd
yet that didn't love bacon.
Here you go.
And in this corner,
the challenger...
Kid Squiggy!
You scrawny chicken!
Hey, why don't you
come up here, lady?
You think it's so easy.
Come on.
C'mere, fellas...
Okay, now, I want a, I want
a good fight, you understand?
I want a fair fight
and a good fight.
No biting, no hair-pulling,
and no hitting below the belt.
Well, there goes our strategy.
Right down the drain.
Don't worry, Squig, I'll
take it easy, I won't hurt you.
All right? Don't do me any favors
'cause I don't want to feel guilty
when I go to your funeral.
Arms down. I'm trying to get...
The man is being beaten
to death by his own robe.
We want our money back!
What for?
You didn't pay
for this robe, lady!
Hey, Squiggman, you're a bum!
Come on, why don't
you come up here?
All of yous come up here.
Women and children
first, let's go! Shh!
I'll take you all on.
Don't pay any attention to them.
Look, look, look, look.
They said no hitting
below the belt, right? Yeah.
Well, this ought to confuse
Carmine just a little bit.
What have you got in mind?
How's that?
But Lenny, it's binding.
Over here. Come on, shake hands.
Touch gloves and
come out fighting.
What the heck are you doing?
That's a foul, that's a foul.
I'm sure that's a foul.
I want you to get in there.
I want you to hit
him low, hit him low.
That's where I always
hit. Go after him.
Hit him low, get
'em up, hit him low.
Hit him low. Come on, Carmine.
That's it, hit him low. Come on.
Attaboy! Hit him low!
One!
Come here, come here.
Look, you got to dance with him.
You got to dance with him.
All right, well, hum
something, will you?
Put me in the mood.
I don't like this any more
than you do, Carmine.
W-Will you be serious?
This is serious business here.
I am serious.
Come on and land
a punch, will you?
Come on.
It's not too good.
Laverne.
Come on, what's the matter?
You scared? Oh, come on.
Not down there, not
down there, come on.
Laverne... Laverne?
What?
My dear, you, you look stunning.
Oh, thanks.
Laverne, you got
to get up there,
you got to get up there.
It is going terrible up there.
What's going on?
It's a disaster area.
Squiggy does not
know what he's doing.
So?
That's a surprise?
You don't understand.
The crowd wants their
money back, they're leaving.
You got to go up there
and make them happy.
Oh, make them happy?
Wait till you see it, Shirl,
me and Terry have this
great entrance planned.
She carries me in
on her shoulders.
Where is Terry anyway?
Oh you know Terry,
she likes to count each
piece of the sidewalk
till she gets here.
Look, look, I'll go
and try and find Terry,
you go out there and try and
stop that crowd from leaving.
You can't outpower him,
you can't outdance him.
We got to uncork
the secret weapon.
Fine. What? Give
him the Bolo punch.
What the... is the Bolo punch?
You just haul off
and let him have it.
Squig? Squig? One.
Squig? Squig? Two.
Spread out. Give him room.
Squig?
Squig?
Ladies and gentlemen.
The main event.
The match of the century.
Introducing, at this time,
The Masked Marvelettes!
Pretty scary, huh?
And their opponents
for the evening,
the Queens of Knapp Street.
Our own Terry
Buttafucco and Laverne
DeFazio.
Terry hasn't shown yet.
Well, don't worry, she'll be,
she'll be here.
But look, you gotta
do something now,
the, the people are
asking for their money back.
Oh, don't worry, I'll
just call them names.
That's what they do on TV.
Hi, Pop, how are you doing?
Okay, honey.
You look like a
real queen, Laverne.
Hey, Mabel, ain't that the creep
that called you a banana face?
Uh, yeah, I'm going to kill her.
Hey, what are you talking about?
This is just supposed
to be an exhibition.
How about an exhibition
of you two tearing her apart?
Hey, DeFazio,
show them what you're made of.
Hey, you see them
there wearing masks?
Well, when we
get done with them,
they're going to need
masks permanently.
Here, hold on to this.
Yeah.
Hey, that was a
pretty good one, huh?
Yeah?
Well I've got another good one.
Hey, I remember you,
you're banana face.
So, you're a professional
wrestler, how nice.
You ain't talking so big now,
are you, big mouth?
Yeah, well,
we're going to let our
fighting do our talking for us.
When my partner gets here,
she's going to
tear you to ribbons.
Here she comes...
come on in here, Ter.
Now you'll eat your words.
Right?
Come on, in here, hurry up, Ter.
Get up here, Ter,
stop tying your shoes,
get up here, come
on, all the way up.
Where are you, Ter?
Come on, all the
way up, all the way up.
What happened? You shrink?
Laverne, the darndest
thing has happened.
Terry can't make it,
so now I got to do this,
but we'll make
the best of it, huh?
Here you go, hold that.
You want to make up?
Hey, Laverne's
going to fight them
with Shirley.
Now, what do you mean,
Terry is not going to be here?
She strained her back
lifting her brother's De Soto.
What?
It's only an exhibition.
Let's make it look good, okay?
All right, you women!
You're in for some
rough stuff tonight.
No, you're not!
No rough stuff, That you
have never seen before.
No rough stuff. We
are gonna take these
two women, and we are
going to slap them silly!
No, we're not, no, we're
not. And then, then after that,
we are gonna give
them each a pink belly.
The biggest pink belly they've
ever had. No pink belly, Shirley.
- No pink belly...
- Arlene,
I want you to make a pretzel
out of the little one.
Ooooh... ooh, make a pretzel...
She's playing
right along with us.
They're quite the
showmen, aren't they?
Listen, you twerp...
Listen to me,
listen to me, listen to me!
Would you listen to
me? Would you just...?
Would you just stop it?!
Now listen to me! What?
Remember that girl
that cut me off the other day?
The one that you
called banana face?
And then the, and then
she growled at you?
Yeah, what about her?
Which one?
Tall one.
They want to fight for real.
Oh, they're going to kill us!
We've got to call this off.
Hey, hey, hey, look
at those bimbos run!
Bimbos?
That's it.
No, no, no, no, Laverne.
Trust me, these
girls are killers.
I hired them... Don't
worry, don't worry.
Just stay outside those ropes.
And don't worry...
I'll use everything
I learned. Okay.
Ha, ooh, ooh.
No, hey, move it.
Tag me!
Tag me now, tag me now.
Tag me, tag me!
Nothing's happened yet.
Come on!
Move, Laverne, move.
All right, all right.
You're tagged,
you're tagged. No.
My turn, my turn,
I got a turn at it.
Okay, okay. It looks easy!
Okay, honey.
Tag, you're it, you're it!
Here I go.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
How do I do it?
What do I do?
Help!
Come on, Mabel!
Oh, no, not me,
please, oh, please.
Oh, dear, Laverne!
Laverne.
I'll get you right into a...
Watch out!
No!
Ooh.
Shirl, Shirl!
Did Fabian call?
Guys, oh...
Get her! LAVERNE: Okay, take me.
Do whatever you
want to me, I don't care.
I give up.
That was... What? Oh!
Laverne! Tag me!
Tag me. Oh, dear.
Shake her!
Shake her!
Oh! Oh.
They can't do that!
Oh!
Oh, dear.
Look out, Laverne!
Give her the atomic backbreaker!
One... two... three... Kill!
No.
Oh!
Watch this, watch this!
Pin them!
We got them, Pop, come on...
One... two... three... you win!
What a night.
It has turned out better
than I ever dreamed possible.
Will you take a
look at me, Shirl?
There isn't a place on my body
that isn't hurt.
Even my eyebrows are sore.
Well, you said that
you wanted to win,
and you won.
Yeah, win.
The losers jumped
out of the ring
and went roller skating.
I'm sitting here like
a... a big boo-boo.
You're taking a very
bleak view of things.
You learned a very
big lesson tonight.
Yeah, never call a
professional wrestler
a banana face.
Words to live by.
Listen to this.
Not only did we
make enough money
for the orphans'
playground equipment,
but we have enough left over
to buy them a television set.
Yeah? Uh-huh.
We did good, huh? Sure did.
We made kids happy.
Well...
I feel like Brando in
On The Waterfront.
Remember that movie?
I could have been
something, Charlie.
I could have been a contender,
instead of a bum, which
is what I am, let's face it.
The night I fought Wilson,
before the fight you said,
"It's not your night, kid."
Not your night?!
I could have taken Wilson apart,
but what happens?
He gets a shot at the title
in an outdoor ballpark,
and I end up with
a one-way ticket
to Palookaville.
You's my brother, Charlie.
You should look
out for me a little.
That was that movie where
they killed them pigeons, wasn't it?
Best movie ever
made in the world!
I hated that movie!
It was wonderful!
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our way ♪
♪ Yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our dreams ♪
♪ Come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪