Laverne & Shirley (1976–1983): Season 3, Episode 17 - The Dentist - full transcript
Laverne busts a tooth but wont see a dentist. Shirley suggests her student dentist cousin Mikey. Laverne's hates the idea. Mikey has flunked before. Shirley gets her okay but once in the chair will Laverne truly feel safe in Mikey's hands?
♪ One, two, three, four ♪
♪ Five, six, seven, eight ♪
♪ Schlemiel, Schlimazel,
Hasenpfeffer Incorporated. ♪
♪ We're gonna do it! ♪
♪ Give us any
chance, we'll take it ♪
♪ Read us any
rule, we'll break it ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doin' it our way ♪
♪ Nothin's gonna
turn us back now ♪
♪ Straight ahead
and on the track now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doin' it our way ♪
♪ There is nothing
we won't try ♪
♪ Never heard the
word "impossible" ♪
♪ This time there's
no stopping us ♪
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪
Okay!
Closing time, everybody out.
Ohh... When Frank
left me in charge,
I didn't think it was
gonna be such a hard job.
All right, Mrs. Babish,
don't worry, don't worry.
Look, Laverne and
Shirley are here.
They'll help you clean up.
Everything will be all right.
Thank heavens. Okay,
boys, please go home
in your own shoes tonight!
Hey, Laverne, what's
the matter with you?
You always like
to sing that song.
What'd you hit me for?
Oh, it's nothing,
Carmine, nothing.
What is it? What
have you got there?
You got wax lips on?
I want to see 'em.
Come on. I want to see...
You got a hickey!
You got a hickey!
You got a hickey, right?
No, no, if she had a hickey,
she'd be parading it around.
It's not a hickey. Come on,
I want to see. What is it?
Come on, show her, will ya?
I broke my tooth.
Oh, no. Oh, gee.
Oh, no.
How many times have I told you
not to go around
opening beer bottles
with your teeth, huh?
No, it didn't happen
on a beer bottle.
Anyway, you use the
side teeth for them.
I broke my tooth on Jell-O.
Maybe she forgot to
take it out of the mold.
I wasn't eating it.
I went up to Lenny and Squiggy's
to borrow some quarters
for the washing machine,
and they had Jell-O
all over the floor,
and I tripped.
Do you want to
ask her, or should I?
You do it.
Why did Lenny and Squiggy
have Jell-O on the floor?
They were ice-skating on it.
Look, Laverne... it
doesn't look that bad.
No?
Just keep your mouth closed.
Oh, Carmine,
what a thing to say.
Do I really look that awful?
Well, let me have a look at it.
Let's see.
Gee. Golly.
You lose something?
No, I-I broke my tooth.
Oh, Laverne, that looks awful,
You ought to see a dentist.
Well, I tried calling Dr. Huber,
but he's on vacation
for two weeks.
Two weeks? You can't walk around
like that for two weeks.
You look like Kukla,
Fran and Ollie.
Well, you're the one
that looks like Kukla.
Why don't you just
go to another dentist?
Oh, 'cause Doc Huber
always gives me a special deal.
When I got money, I pay him.
That's the way Lenny
and Squiggy pay the rent.
I know a dentist who'll
fix that tooth of yours
and it won't cost you a penny.
Really? Who? Who?
Oh, no. Oh, no.
If you're talking
about your cousin Mikey,
you can just forget it.
Why, Laverne?
Mikey's a good dentist.
He's not a dentist...
He's an almost dentist.
Well, he would be a dentist
if it weren't for a couple
of bad breaks on his finals.
He almost passed last time...
if he hadn't made
that man scream.
He made a grown man scream?
Well... actually, it
was a small child,
but I'm sure
that the little tyke
was just
overreacting, that's all.
Yeah, well, I'll wait
for Huber to get back.
Until then, I'll just keep
it covered, okay? Okay,
but you look like
my Grandma Molly.
The one who chews
with her lips? Mm-hmm.
No, no. No, no,
no, it's not Molly...
It's Molly, all right, isn't it?
Yes, I think it can
best be described
by the word, "yuck".
All right, I'll go see
your cousin Mikey.
Oh, great, great.
It really looks "yuck"?
Laverne, we are
talking scuz bomb.
There's all the Feeneys at
Lake Whitefish for the picnic.
Look at you in that swimsuit.
You must have been
what? Eight years old?
I was 15.
Well, we Feeneys
are late bloomers.
Yes, we are... Hi, Shirl.
Hi, Laverne.
Hi, Laverne.
Oh, hi, Mikey.
How are you? Okay.
Oh, did she show you
that picture of her
in the swimsuit?
It kills me, that one.
It just kills me. Whoo-hoo!
Uh... I really appreciate
your letting me take my
final exam in your mouth.
Oh, that's okay, Mikey.
Licorice!
Mr. Tooth Decay is going
to have a field day with you.
Yeah... Oh, uh, I thought we
could go down to
the dental school?
Uh, I thought you were
gonna fix my tooth tomorrow.
Well, I am, but I want
to examine it today.
I need some X rays
before I work on it.
Well, Mikey, I don't have
time to go across town.
You see, I got a
date in 45 minutes.
You got a date tonight?
Some men are interested
in more than teeth.
Why?
Uh... huh, hi.
Uh, look, Mikey, uh, if you
really have to check me today,
can't you do it here?
Well, I'd rather
go to the school,
but... if you insist...
Oh, stop whining Mikey, huh?
Okay.
Uh, where can I scrub up?
Oh, in the bathroom. Oh, okay.
Oh, and Mikey... Mikey... um...
Don't peek in the shower, okay?
I have some delicate
personal things
hanging in there, if
you know what I mean.
I've seen it all.
I'm almost a doctor.
I know you are...
What a bedside manner.
I'm still cute, huh?
Sure you are, but
I don't understand
how you got a date
with that mouth.
Oh. Well, I went
down to the candy store
and I met this really
cute guy named Koochie.
You met a guy named Cootie?
Koochie, Koochie.
And he has his, his tooth
chipped just like mine.
I mean, it's a perfect match.
How very romantic.
Yeah...
Two people with
holes in their heads.
Hello.
We've come to fix
your tooth, Laverne.
Now, now, now,
now, laugh if you must,
but this is all very scientific.
We're going to file
all of your teeth down
so they're the same size.
That way, nobody'll
notice the short, stubby one.
Lenny... the chisel.
Oh, no, you ain't chiseling.
What?! No!
Put that thing down.
Wait, hold it, hold it.
I got a better idea.
Good.
Look, wouldn't
it be a lot easier
to build one tooth up
than to chisel 31 down?
Excuse me.
No... Ugh!
All right, we'll
move on to plan "B."
I'll go to the hardware
store and get the cement.
Yeah, and I'll go look
through my baby teeth
and see if there's
one that'll fit Laverne.
I hope you realize, Laverne,
the sacrifice that that
boy is making for you.
He loves those baby teeth...
as if they was his own!
How long do I have
to let the water run
before it stops
coming out brown?
Come back in August.
Laverne, Laverne,
could you come in the
bathroom with me, please?
There-There's
better light there.
Go on, go on, go on.
Okay. Hey, you're not going
to use a chisel, are you?
Of course not.
I was just asking, you know.
Okay.
My cousin the dentist.
Now, right here.
Okay.
All right, open wide.
Ah... Okay, o...
No, no, no.
Please, Laverne, let
Mikey fix your tooth.
Shirl, he couldn't examine
me without shaking like a leaf.
I don't trust him.
You really should get it fixed
before your father
gets back from Chicago.
Well, something will come up.
I want no female hystericals.
I'm going to fix your tooth
as completely and civilly
as I can with the
use of this string.
Okay, the other end
of the string is tied
to the truck bumper
and the engine is racing.
All right, we are wasting gas.
Okay, okay, you're
right, you're right.
You guys go out in the truck
and I'll tie this string
around my, uh...
Your stub.
Stub.
Ew... You won't
regret this, Laverne.
The next time I see you,
you'll have a
beautiful gaping hole
in the middle of your mouth.
That's the first step on that
bumpy road to oral hygiene.
Oh... Watch the
door, watch the string.
Okay.
We'll give you a signal.
What, oh, what, may I ask?
What?
Boy, am I glad you didn't
take this garbage out.
No, my dear, it was your turn
to take the garbage
out if you'll recall.
Then, boy, am I glad I
didn't take the garbage out.
Okay, guys, ready!
Okay.
I'll get that.
Hello.
Oh, hi, Mikey.
Laverne, it's Mikey.
The answer is no.
So, how you doing, Mikey?
What?
Don't do anything.
Don't do anything, just
stay there, stay there.
Laverne.
Laverne, we got a full-out
catastrophe on our hands.
Mikey is going to
give up dentistry
and become a
men's room attendant.
Oh, good, what... what
could he hurt in a men's room?
I don't think you
understand what this means
to me and all the Feeneys.
You see, we've never had
a doctor in the family and...
Well, how many men's room
attendants have you had?
Twelve. Twelve?
Oh, I'm not ashamed.
It's sort of become
the family business.
It's just that, golly, we
wanted one lousy doctor and...
well, this whole thing
with Mikey is your fault.
My fault?
He just gave me a checkup
and he almost killed me.
What's going to happen when
he gets a drill in his hands, huh?
Well, it is your fault.
He wanted to do it right.
He wanted to take you
down to the dental school,
but, no, you had to
be checked up here
'cause you wanted to go
out with your toothless Cootie.
You're responsible for turning
a wonderful, would-be dentist
into a guy who hands
out towels for a dime.
Okay, I'll let Mikey work on me.
Oh, thank you!
Thank you, Laverne,
you won't regret it.
Mikey?
Mikey, my dear, you're
going to be a dentist.
Yes, tomorrow, okay.
Okay.
You won't regret this, Laverne.
My family will see to it
that your name is known
in every restroom throughout
this great land of ours.
Look at all this
equipment, will you?
What is this thing for?
I don't know. It's a nose.
Oh, no.
Something's
coming out, turn it off.
This doesn't go back on.
Fix it, you're the nurse.
I'm not a real nurse.
Well, maybe...
Oh, no, the nose
part just came off.
Well, quit pointing it at me.
Quit pointing it at me.
Well, I'm only
pointing it at you
'cause you're pointing it at me.
No, you were pointing it at me.
Quit pointing it at me.
Come on.
Point it at me.
Come on now, point it at me.
Oh, no, no, no, come
to me, come over here.
No, come to me.
Oh, am I glad you
chipped that stupid tooth.
You fool, you fool.
Aah!
Oh, oh, oh!
I'm going to fix
that tooth myself.
Yeah, rip it on out,
rip it out of your
head, why don't you?
Here, look, we'll put
this one in its place.
You jerk, that's a molar.
Oh, really? Yeah.
Well, I better put it back.
I don't want Mikey
to get into trouble.
Reach for the sky.
You wouldn't dare.
Reach for the sky.
You wouldn't dare.
Reach for the sky.
Y...
I ain't got no gun.
Oh.
Okay, partner, draw.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute! What?
This isn't fair. What?
I'm getting soaking wet,
and all that's happening to you
is your hair's being
blown around a little bit.
Okay, okay, let's switch.
Girls, girls!
This room is full
of laughing gas.
Reach for the sky.
You wouldn't dare.
I'm certainly glad to see
that you've calmed down a bit.
Me?
You were dancing around
pretty good yourself.
Let's try to make it
through this time, Feeney.
Uh, yes, sir, yes, sir.
Now, uh...
I have already administered
exactly 1.8 cc's of Novocain.
This is all the
patient will require
for a comfortable session.
You can see she feels
absolutely nothing.
Now, allow me to show
you the X rays of her mouth
and tell you what I plan to do.
Shirl. Imagine that.
Isn't medical science wonderful?
You don't feel a thing.
Shirl... That's kind
of fun, you know?
Shirl, I felt that.
You felt this?
Yes. It felt just like this.
Ouch! Ouch!
Ouch! That hurt!
That's what I am
trying to tell you.
The shot he gave me didn't work.
What? I can feel everything.
I'm going to have to ask
Mikey to give me another shot.
No, no, no, he might
get in trouble. Oh.
But then if he starts
working on me,
and I yell or flinch,
he'll get nervous
and start shaking,
and then he'll flunk.
Oh. Listen, we'll
ask him, okay, okay?
Okay. Just ask him
nice. Uh, Mikey?
Mikey? Yeah...?
Could you come
here just a second?
We were wondering,
would they flunk you
if you made just
one tiny little error?
Uh, not usually, but since
I'm a five-time loser, they...
Wait a minute!
What's wrong?
Nothing.
Nothing, nothing, nothing.
Quit shaking.
Steady as she goes.
Now just go back to the
professor and get ready.
Go on.
I don't know how to tell him
he's not going to
be a dentist after all.
You don't have to tell him.
Why?
I'll go through this thing
without another shot.
No, you can't do that.
Uh, I can take pain.
Yeah? Sure, it's easy.
Pink bellies? Oh, yeah.
Indian burns? Noogies?
I can take it.
Besides, I promised
him I'd go through with it.
Thanks, Laverne.
I owe you for this one. Ah.
All right, now, Professor,
uh, first of all, I will
explore the damaged region.
He's going to explore, Shirl.
I'm going to hold
her hand just for luck.
Uh, open wide, please.
Eeeee... ya!
Aah!
Oh, my goodness gracious.
Golly, golly, golly.
Laverne!
Oh, oh, oh!
Oh!
Is something the matter?
No, no!
I seem to have lost an
earring down here somewhere.
Oh, well.
Oh, poo, it's from the
Woolworth's anyway.
Are you all right, Laverne?
You look green.
Oh no, no, I'm fine.
It's just the reflection
from this spit bib here.
Oh.
Now, Professor, I believe
we are ready to
commence drilling.
Very well.
Oh, thank you.
Open wide, please.
Ixnay on the illdray, Mikey.
What?
Ixnay on the illdray.
Ix...
A man just fell past the window!
What? Let's go.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Listen to me, Mikey, listen.
The Novocain didn't take.
The shot didn't work.
Laverne can feel everything.
What?! Well, no, Mikey.
Mikey, Mikey, you got
to give her another shot.
You got to give her
another shot, okay?
I can't give her another
shot...! No, you can.
You can give her another shot.
Think of the family.
Come on, come on, Mikey!
Mikey, just give me another shot
before the professor gets back.
I can't do that. I can't.
Professor?
There's nobody out there.
Uh, he must have
gotten off at another floor.
Professor, I was wrong.
A good dentist always
thinks of his patient first,
and this patient seems
to need more Novocain.
I was hoping you'd
figure that out.
I was getting tired
looking out the window.
You people talk very loud.
Does that mean you're
not going to flunk me?
Of course I'm not.
You didn't know she was in pain.
A patient should tell
you when she's in pain.
Shame on you,
sitting there in pain.
I bet I could be a dentist if
I really tried hard enough.
Why, we could be partners...
Feeney and Feeney.
Sure we could.
"Dear Diary,
"Things do have a way
of turning out right for us.
"The luck of the Irish. Period.
"Laverne's tooth looks great,
"and Mikey has become a dentist.
"Carmine and I
"celebrated Mikey's
graduation last night
"up at... Inspiration Point."
Nah, you can't tell a bit.
Boy, that Mikey's a
heck of a dentist, huh?
Told you so.
Writing about your date
last night with Carmine?
What'd you do?
None of your beeswax.
Here.
Oh great... Cocoa. Thanks.
You're welcome.
I think I'll just
sip mine in bed.
Laverne? Hmm?
You don't look like a
scuz bomb no more.
Ah, thanks, Shirl.
Good night.
Good night.
Night.
Night, night.
Night, night. Night.
Night.
Stop biting my nails.
"Dear Diary..."
Blah, blah-blah, blah,
blah-blah blah, blah-blah, blah.
Here we go.
"Carmine and I celebrated
Mikey's graduation last night
"up at Inspiration Point.
"First we L-46 bingo.
Then we wet duck seven-oh-nine."
From now on,
all the good stuff's going
to be written in code.
Night, night.
Well, what's an L-46?
Have I done that?
Was it fun?
How did it feel?
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our way ♪
♪ Yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our dreams ♪
♪ Come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪
♪ Five, six, seven, eight ♪
♪ Schlemiel, Schlimazel,
Hasenpfeffer Incorporated. ♪
♪ We're gonna do it! ♪
♪ Give us any
chance, we'll take it ♪
♪ Read us any
rule, we'll break it ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doin' it our way ♪
♪ Nothin's gonna
turn us back now ♪
♪ Straight ahead
and on the track now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doin' it our way ♪
♪ There is nothing
we won't try ♪
♪ Never heard the
word "impossible" ♪
♪ This time there's
no stopping us ♪
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪
Okay!
Closing time, everybody out.
Ohh... When Frank
left me in charge,
I didn't think it was
gonna be such a hard job.
All right, Mrs. Babish,
don't worry, don't worry.
Look, Laverne and
Shirley are here.
They'll help you clean up.
Everything will be all right.
Thank heavens. Okay,
boys, please go home
in your own shoes tonight!
Hey, Laverne, what's
the matter with you?
You always like
to sing that song.
What'd you hit me for?
Oh, it's nothing,
Carmine, nothing.
What is it? What
have you got there?
You got wax lips on?
I want to see 'em.
Come on. I want to see...
You got a hickey!
You got a hickey!
You got a hickey, right?
No, no, if she had a hickey,
she'd be parading it around.
It's not a hickey. Come on,
I want to see. What is it?
Come on, show her, will ya?
I broke my tooth.
Oh, no. Oh, gee.
Oh, no.
How many times have I told you
not to go around
opening beer bottles
with your teeth, huh?
No, it didn't happen
on a beer bottle.
Anyway, you use the
side teeth for them.
I broke my tooth on Jell-O.
Maybe she forgot to
take it out of the mold.
I wasn't eating it.
I went up to Lenny and Squiggy's
to borrow some quarters
for the washing machine,
and they had Jell-O
all over the floor,
and I tripped.
Do you want to
ask her, or should I?
You do it.
Why did Lenny and Squiggy
have Jell-O on the floor?
They were ice-skating on it.
Look, Laverne... it
doesn't look that bad.
No?
Just keep your mouth closed.
Oh, Carmine,
what a thing to say.
Do I really look that awful?
Well, let me have a look at it.
Let's see.
Gee. Golly.
You lose something?
No, I-I broke my tooth.
Oh, Laverne, that looks awful,
You ought to see a dentist.
Well, I tried calling Dr. Huber,
but he's on vacation
for two weeks.
Two weeks? You can't walk around
like that for two weeks.
You look like Kukla,
Fran and Ollie.
Well, you're the one
that looks like Kukla.
Why don't you just
go to another dentist?
Oh, 'cause Doc Huber
always gives me a special deal.
When I got money, I pay him.
That's the way Lenny
and Squiggy pay the rent.
I know a dentist who'll
fix that tooth of yours
and it won't cost you a penny.
Really? Who? Who?
Oh, no. Oh, no.
If you're talking
about your cousin Mikey,
you can just forget it.
Why, Laverne?
Mikey's a good dentist.
He's not a dentist...
He's an almost dentist.
Well, he would be a dentist
if it weren't for a couple
of bad breaks on his finals.
He almost passed last time...
if he hadn't made
that man scream.
He made a grown man scream?
Well... actually, it
was a small child,
but I'm sure
that the little tyke
was just
overreacting, that's all.
Yeah, well, I'll wait
for Huber to get back.
Until then, I'll just keep
it covered, okay? Okay,
but you look like
my Grandma Molly.
The one who chews
with her lips? Mm-hmm.
No, no. No, no,
no, it's not Molly...
It's Molly, all right, isn't it?
Yes, I think it can
best be described
by the word, "yuck".
All right, I'll go see
your cousin Mikey.
Oh, great, great.
It really looks "yuck"?
Laverne, we are
talking scuz bomb.
There's all the Feeneys at
Lake Whitefish for the picnic.
Look at you in that swimsuit.
You must have been
what? Eight years old?
I was 15.
Well, we Feeneys
are late bloomers.
Yes, we are... Hi, Shirl.
Hi, Laverne.
Hi, Laverne.
Oh, hi, Mikey.
How are you? Okay.
Oh, did she show you
that picture of her
in the swimsuit?
It kills me, that one.
It just kills me. Whoo-hoo!
Uh... I really appreciate
your letting me take my
final exam in your mouth.
Oh, that's okay, Mikey.
Licorice!
Mr. Tooth Decay is going
to have a field day with you.
Yeah... Oh, uh, I thought we
could go down to
the dental school?
Uh, I thought you were
gonna fix my tooth tomorrow.
Well, I am, but I want
to examine it today.
I need some X rays
before I work on it.
Well, Mikey, I don't have
time to go across town.
You see, I got a
date in 45 minutes.
You got a date tonight?
Some men are interested
in more than teeth.
Why?
Uh... huh, hi.
Uh, look, Mikey, uh, if you
really have to check me today,
can't you do it here?
Well, I'd rather
go to the school,
but... if you insist...
Oh, stop whining Mikey, huh?
Okay.
Uh, where can I scrub up?
Oh, in the bathroom. Oh, okay.
Oh, and Mikey... Mikey... um...
Don't peek in the shower, okay?
I have some delicate
personal things
hanging in there, if
you know what I mean.
I've seen it all.
I'm almost a doctor.
I know you are...
What a bedside manner.
I'm still cute, huh?
Sure you are, but
I don't understand
how you got a date
with that mouth.
Oh. Well, I went
down to the candy store
and I met this really
cute guy named Koochie.
You met a guy named Cootie?
Koochie, Koochie.
And he has his, his tooth
chipped just like mine.
I mean, it's a perfect match.
How very romantic.
Yeah...
Two people with
holes in their heads.
Hello.
We've come to fix
your tooth, Laverne.
Now, now, now,
now, laugh if you must,
but this is all very scientific.
We're going to file
all of your teeth down
so they're the same size.
That way, nobody'll
notice the short, stubby one.
Lenny... the chisel.
Oh, no, you ain't chiseling.
What?! No!
Put that thing down.
Wait, hold it, hold it.
I got a better idea.
Good.
Look, wouldn't
it be a lot easier
to build one tooth up
than to chisel 31 down?
Excuse me.
No... Ugh!
All right, we'll
move on to plan "B."
I'll go to the hardware
store and get the cement.
Yeah, and I'll go look
through my baby teeth
and see if there's
one that'll fit Laverne.
I hope you realize, Laverne,
the sacrifice that that
boy is making for you.
He loves those baby teeth...
as if they was his own!
How long do I have
to let the water run
before it stops
coming out brown?
Come back in August.
Laverne, Laverne,
could you come in the
bathroom with me, please?
There-There's
better light there.
Go on, go on, go on.
Okay. Hey, you're not going
to use a chisel, are you?
Of course not.
I was just asking, you know.
Okay.
My cousin the dentist.
Now, right here.
Okay.
All right, open wide.
Ah... Okay, o...
No, no, no.
Please, Laverne, let
Mikey fix your tooth.
Shirl, he couldn't examine
me without shaking like a leaf.
I don't trust him.
You really should get it fixed
before your father
gets back from Chicago.
Well, something will come up.
I want no female hystericals.
I'm going to fix your tooth
as completely and civilly
as I can with the
use of this string.
Okay, the other end
of the string is tied
to the truck bumper
and the engine is racing.
All right, we are wasting gas.
Okay, okay, you're
right, you're right.
You guys go out in the truck
and I'll tie this string
around my, uh...
Your stub.
Stub.
Ew... You won't
regret this, Laverne.
The next time I see you,
you'll have a
beautiful gaping hole
in the middle of your mouth.
That's the first step on that
bumpy road to oral hygiene.
Oh... Watch the
door, watch the string.
Okay.
We'll give you a signal.
What, oh, what, may I ask?
What?
Boy, am I glad you didn't
take this garbage out.
No, my dear, it was your turn
to take the garbage
out if you'll recall.
Then, boy, am I glad I
didn't take the garbage out.
Okay, guys, ready!
Okay.
I'll get that.
Hello.
Oh, hi, Mikey.
Laverne, it's Mikey.
The answer is no.
So, how you doing, Mikey?
What?
Don't do anything.
Don't do anything, just
stay there, stay there.
Laverne.
Laverne, we got a full-out
catastrophe on our hands.
Mikey is going to
give up dentistry
and become a
men's room attendant.
Oh, good, what... what
could he hurt in a men's room?
I don't think you
understand what this means
to me and all the Feeneys.
You see, we've never had
a doctor in the family and...
Well, how many men's room
attendants have you had?
Twelve. Twelve?
Oh, I'm not ashamed.
It's sort of become
the family business.
It's just that, golly, we
wanted one lousy doctor and...
well, this whole thing
with Mikey is your fault.
My fault?
He just gave me a checkup
and he almost killed me.
What's going to happen when
he gets a drill in his hands, huh?
Well, it is your fault.
He wanted to do it right.
He wanted to take you
down to the dental school,
but, no, you had to
be checked up here
'cause you wanted to go
out with your toothless Cootie.
You're responsible for turning
a wonderful, would-be dentist
into a guy who hands
out towels for a dime.
Okay, I'll let Mikey work on me.
Oh, thank you!
Thank you, Laverne,
you won't regret it.
Mikey?
Mikey, my dear, you're
going to be a dentist.
Yes, tomorrow, okay.
Okay.
You won't regret this, Laverne.
My family will see to it
that your name is known
in every restroom throughout
this great land of ours.
Look at all this
equipment, will you?
What is this thing for?
I don't know. It's a nose.
Oh, no.
Something's
coming out, turn it off.
This doesn't go back on.
Fix it, you're the nurse.
I'm not a real nurse.
Well, maybe...
Oh, no, the nose
part just came off.
Well, quit pointing it at me.
Quit pointing it at me.
Well, I'm only
pointing it at you
'cause you're pointing it at me.
No, you were pointing it at me.
Quit pointing it at me.
Come on.
Point it at me.
Come on now, point it at me.
Oh, no, no, no, come
to me, come over here.
No, come to me.
Oh, am I glad you
chipped that stupid tooth.
You fool, you fool.
Aah!
Oh, oh, oh!
I'm going to fix
that tooth myself.
Yeah, rip it on out,
rip it out of your
head, why don't you?
Here, look, we'll put
this one in its place.
You jerk, that's a molar.
Oh, really? Yeah.
Well, I better put it back.
I don't want Mikey
to get into trouble.
Reach for the sky.
You wouldn't dare.
Reach for the sky.
You wouldn't dare.
Reach for the sky.
Y...
I ain't got no gun.
Oh.
Okay, partner, draw.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute! What?
This isn't fair. What?
I'm getting soaking wet,
and all that's happening to you
is your hair's being
blown around a little bit.
Okay, okay, let's switch.
Girls, girls!
This room is full
of laughing gas.
Reach for the sky.
You wouldn't dare.
I'm certainly glad to see
that you've calmed down a bit.
Me?
You were dancing around
pretty good yourself.
Let's try to make it
through this time, Feeney.
Uh, yes, sir, yes, sir.
Now, uh...
I have already administered
exactly 1.8 cc's of Novocain.
This is all the
patient will require
for a comfortable session.
You can see she feels
absolutely nothing.
Now, allow me to show
you the X rays of her mouth
and tell you what I plan to do.
Shirl. Imagine that.
Isn't medical science wonderful?
You don't feel a thing.
Shirl... That's kind
of fun, you know?
Shirl, I felt that.
You felt this?
Yes. It felt just like this.
Ouch! Ouch!
Ouch! That hurt!
That's what I am
trying to tell you.
The shot he gave me didn't work.
What? I can feel everything.
I'm going to have to ask
Mikey to give me another shot.
No, no, no, he might
get in trouble. Oh.
But then if he starts
working on me,
and I yell or flinch,
he'll get nervous
and start shaking,
and then he'll flunk.
Oh. Listen, we'll
ask him, okay, okay?
Okay. Just ask him
nice. Uh, Mikey?
Mikey? Yeah...?
Could you come
here just a second?
We were wondering,
would they flunk you
if you made just
one tiny little error?
Uh, not usually, but since
I'm a five-time loser, they...
Wait a minute!
What's wrong?
Nothing.
Nothing, nothing, nothing.
Quit shaking.
Steady as she goes.
Now just go back to the
professor and get ready.
Go on.
I don't know how to tell him
he's not going to
be a dentist after all.
You don't have to tell him.
Why?
I'll go through this thing
without another shot.
No, you can't do that.
Uh, I can take pain.
Yeah? Sure, it's easy.
Pink bellies? Oh, yeah.
Indian burns? Noogies?
I can take it.
Besides, I promised
him I'd go through with it.
Thanks, Laverne.
I owe you for this one. Ah.
All right, now, Professor,
uh, first of all, I will
explore the damaged region.
He's going to explore, Shirl.
I'm going to hold
her hand just for luck.
Uh, open wide, please.
Eeeee... ya!
Aah!
Oh, my goodness gracious.
Golly, golly, golly.
Laverne!
Oh, oh, oh!
Oh!
Is something the matter?
No, no!
I seem to have lost an
earring down here somewhere.
Oh, well.
Oh, poo, it's from the
Woolworth's anyway.
Are you all right, Laverne?
You look green.
Oh no, no, I'm fine.
It's just the reflection
from this spit bib here.
Oh.
Now, Professor, I believe
we are ready to
commence drilling.
Very well.
Oh, thank you.
Open wide, please.
Ixnay on the illdray, Mikey.
What?
Ixnay on the illdray.
Ix...
A man just fell past the window!
What? Let's go.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Listen to me, Mikey, listen.
The Novocain didn't take.
The shot didn't work.
Laverne can feel everything.
What?! Well, no, Mikey.
Mikey, Mikey, you got
to give her another shot.
You got to give her
another shot, okay?
I can't give her another
shot...! No, you can.
You can give her another shot.
Think of the family.
Come on, come on, Mikey!
Mikey, just give me another shot
before the professor gets back.
I can't do that. I can't.
Professor?
There's nobody out there.
Uh, he must have
gotten off at another floor.
Professor, I was wrong.
A good dentist always
thinks of his patient first,
and this patient seems
to need more Novocain.
I was hoping you'd
figure that out.
I was getting tired
looking out the window.
You people talk very loud.
Does that mean you're
not going to flunk me?
Of course I'm not.
You didn't know she was in pain.
A patient should tell
you when she's in pain.
Shame on you,
sitting there in pain.
I bet I could be a dentist if
I really tried hard enough.
Why, we could be partners...
Feeney and Feeney.
Sure we could.
"Dear Diary,
"Things do have a way
of turning out right for us.
"The luck of the Irish. Period.
"Laverne's tooth looks great,
"and Mikey has become a dentist.
"Carmine and I
"celebrated Mikey's
graduation last night
"up at... Inspiration Point."
Nah, you can't tell a bit.
Boy, that Mikey's a
heck of a dentist, huh?
Told you so.
Writing about your date
last night with Carmine?
What'd you do?
None of your beeswax.
Here.
Oh great... Cocoa. Thanks.
You're welcome.
I think I'll just
sip mine in bed.
Laverne? Hmm?
You don't look like a
scuz bomb no more.
Ah, thanks, Shirl.
Good night.
Good night.
Night.
Night, night.
Night, night. Night.
Night.
Stop biting my nails.
"Dear Diary..."
Blah, blah-blah, blah,
blah-blah blah, blah-blah, blah.
Here we go.
"Carmine and I celebrated
Mikey's graduation last night
"up at Inspiration Point.
"First we L-46 bingo.
Then we wet duck seven-oh-nine."
From now on,
all the good stuff's going
to be written in code.
Night, night.
Well, what's an L-46?
Have I done that?
Was it fun?
How did it feel?
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our way ♪
♪ Yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our dreams ♪
♪ Come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪