Laverne & Shirley (1976–1983): Season 2, Episode 15 - Call Me a Taxi - full transcript
A temporary lay off at work forces the girls to take jobs as taxi dancers. They earn money by dancing with men for ten cents a dance.
♪ One, two, three, four ♪
♪ Five, six, seven, eight ♪
♪ Schlemiel, Schlimazel,
Hasenpfeffer Incorporated. ♪
We're gonna do it! ♪
♪ Give us any
chance, we'll take it ♪
♪ Read us any
rule, we'll break it ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doin' it our way ♪
♪ Nothing's gonna
turn us back now ♪
♪ Straight ahead
and on the track now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doin' it our way ♪
♪ There is nothing
we won't try ♪
♪ Never heard the
word "impossible" ♪
♪ This time there's
no stopping us ♪
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪
Laverne and Shirley is filmed
before a studio audience.
Listen, accidents
happen in factories.
You know, all that
big machinery around,
vats and cookers and belts.
You're lucky you're
all in one piece.
How did you hurt yourself?
I cut my finger on a time card.
On a time card?
You mean that's a paper cut?
Don't say that.
I can't stand those words,
I can't stand the
thought of that.
I'm beginning to reel again.
I think I'm going to faint.
Tough day at work?
We've been fired!
What? Fired!
Because I came home early?
I had to; I was in agony.
I could have
gotten an infection.
Oh, what are you talking about?
They laid off the
whole section...
Bottlers and labelers.
No! Yep, three weeks.
You're kidding! Nope,
they were putting up the sign
just as I was leaving work.
Laid off? I don't understand it.
Somebody explain this to me.
Explain this to me.
What's to explain?
The sign said, "Don't
come in Monday."
That's it.
Oh, no, oh, no, how
did everybody take it?
Oh, it was terrible.
Oh, Big Henry?
Cried like a baby.
Aw, Fat Waldo?
Sobered up like that.
And Bertha?
Oh, she wants to put
her kids up for adoption.
Oh, no, we're flat broke.
What are we going to do?
Oh, I don't know, but I
figured out on the way home
if we budget
ourselves real carefully,
we're good until tomorrow.
Tomorrow?
How are we going to survive?
I don't know.
Girls, listen, I don't
have any cash,
but you... you're welcome
to be late with the rent.
Oh... Everybody else is.
Thanks, Mrs. Babish.
Well, you got any brainstorms?
First, we take all the
bottles back to the market.
Good, that's 11 cents.
Then we can hock
everything in the apartment.
What, a "Hi Sailor" pillow?
Come on, everything
around us is worthless.
♪ We're in the money ♪
♪ We're in the money. ♪
Oh, hi, Mrs. Babish.
I'm so glad to see you.
Uh, here's last month's rent,
and here is this month's rent.
Ha, sort of a bonus.
And here's a quarter for you.
Go buy yourself
something pretty, okay?
Thanks.
I'm gonna go bank this
right now before it bounces.
When they laid off us bottlers,
they put these
truckers on overtime.
They're making a fortune here.
Hold on just a second.
Let me get this straight.
You mean to tell me we get
punished for doing a good job
while they get rewarded
for doing a bad job?
Mm-hmm. That's not fair.
That's the American way.
My father couldn't help us.
You think Carmine can?
Carmine, we need something,
and we thought
maybe you could help.
Oh, sure, what do you need?
A portable radio, a
toaster or television?
You just go down to Fifth
and Pfister every afternoon
around 4:00, you see
a guy with a mustache.
Now you just... No,
Carmine, Carmine, no.
We need money, we're in trouble.
Oh, well, uh...
In that case, you go down
to, uh, Third and Main,
you see a guy with a hat...
No, no, no, no, not
that kind of trouble.
Would you tell him?
We've been laid off.
We need a temporary job.
You know of anything?
Oh, that's too bad.
Well, look, uh,
let me ask around.
Uh, I'll make a call.
Uh, maybe I can
come up with something
down at the dance studio.
I mean, I heard, uh,
one of my girls ran off
with the record changer.
Oh. Good, good.
They need a girl
and a record changer.
That's good. Yeah.
And if Carmine doesn't
come through with something,
maybe we could sell blood.
You should have thought of that
before I bandaged my finger.
Hey, Mary.
Give me an extra large
pizza with everything on it.
Nah... hold the dead fish.
To go?
Of course, what else?
Hey, Shirley.
Rose, Rose.
DeFazio.
Greenbaum.
Well, I heard it
through the grapevine
that you turkeyolas
got laid off.
Listen.
If you little pauperinis
need a little extra money...
Well... Maybe I
could... help you out.
Uh, now that you
mention it, Rose...
Ouch, ouch!
No thank you.
I'd rather sell my
body to science.
Who else would buy it, DeFazio?
Maybe if you give me a
list of your old customers.
Pizza's ready.
Here, Mary darling,
keep the change.
Well, girls, maybe next week,
when you've cooled off
and you're getting
kind of hungry
and your poor little
tummies are crying out,
"Go... to Rosie,
go... to Rosie,"
I want you to know
that you're welcome
to drop by any time, DeFazio,
just in case you feel like
simonizing one of my cars.
Simonizing!
Well, okay. No, no, no, no, no.
No!
How'd you like me to
turtle-wax your nose, huh?
Look, uh,
there is something I came
up with downtown, uh... Yeah?
There's a place called
Danceland. Yeah?
Now a couple of girls from
the studio wor... work there,
and, uh, they say it's not
the classiest place in town
but, uh, the
money's pretty good.
Ha, who needs classy?
What's the job?
Well, uh, guys come
there, they give you a dime,
and you dance with them.
What sort of guys give
girls dimes to dance, hmm?
Guys with small change.
Oh... I'm telling you...
I'm telling you, Shirl,
it's going to be nice here.
They've even got
a dressing room.
Would you stop
staring and get in here?
Get in here, get in here.
But that man on the stairs.
Did you see him,
that man on the stairs?
So a guy rolls down
a flight of stairs.
So what? It happens every day.
I just thought it was
going to be more
like James Cagney and Doris Day.
They're not coming.
Okay, let's get to it?
You're right, you're
right, let's... get to it.
Hello, my name
is Shirley Feeney,
and this is my friend
Laverne DeFazio.
And we're here to dance.
I'm Charmayne Szvedits
and I couldn't care less.
Nice touch.
Well, just do what
everyone else is doing.
Why is everybody
powdering their chests?
Uh, Charmayne, why are
we powdering our chests?
Look, you're going to be dancing
with men out there.
Yeah. Men who
wear a lot of hair tonic.
Yeah. The powder soaks
up the excess grease.
Yuck, that's disgusting!
That's just disgusting!
Powder up.
Your first time
being a taxi dancer?
A what?
A taxi dancer.
You're for hire, prom queen.
Oh, she thought
you were the queen.
That means any creep,
any lunatic, any vermin
can snap his fingers
and you've got to let
him in the back seat.
Vermin?
Why would vermin want to dance?
Everybody wants to dance.
Oh. Look, I'm going to
give you a couple of tips.
Watch out for men with
mirrors on their shoes.
Oh, we know that. Oh,
that goes without saying.
I would be very careful of
anyone carrying luggage.
Girls, out on the floor.
Oh, just let me put
on my lipstick here.
And, uh... one more thing.
Hmm, what's that?
She's got a knife. Oh!
If you come near any of
my steady customers...
Yeah? Any guy coming
near me... Uh-huh?
I'm going to kill you.
Okay, sure. Okay.
Sure, makes sense.
You got the knife.
What did Charmayne mean
when she said she'd kill us?
Oh, no, that's just
a figure of speech.
Just like, I'm going
to cut your heart out.
Sit.
You girls learn fast.
You're gonna be all right.
I'm going to give
you another tip.
Oh good. We love your
tips. Love those tips.
Enough. Enough.
You got to know how to handle
yourself when you're out there
under the big ball.
Don't let them dance
you into three places.
Where's that?
Darkness, up against
walls and the men's room.
Men's room?
Through that arch there.
Oh. Oh.
Thank you, Charmayne,
thank you so much.
Don't ever thank me.
Don't ever thank her.
I don't like to be
obligated. Doesn't like it.
I run alone. Runs alone.
I was born alone. No.
I'm going to stay that way.
Well, I can certainly
understand that.
Have a nice night.
Don't tell me what to do.
Don't tell her what to do!
How many times
have you got to be told?
Don't tell her what to
do. Don't say anything.
Uh, you, uh, two girls want
to take a little spin or what?
Uh, hi. Uh, my name's
Laverne. What's yours?
My wife, she don't
understand me.
Oh.
What do you do for a living?
My wife, she don't
understand me.
Yes?
Well, that's a good
job, there, you know?
How do you do?
Uh, my name is Shirley Feeney,
and I'd like you to know
that you're my very first.
How you doing? Not so good.
Oh...!
Laverne! I got him, I got him.
They sure are leaving us alone.
They're leaving us so alone,
we're not making any money, here.
Yes, sir.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have
handled that big guy so rough.
Did you want to stay
in the men's room?
No. Well?
How can we earn some money here?
Look to your left,
look at that girl
to your left over
there, look at her.
She must have 50 bucks
worth of tickets around her neck.
That's right, and she
hasn't even been dancing.
She don't need to dance.
Nature has been
kind to that woman.
Come on, I got an idea. What?
We're going to make
ourselves look sexier.
Look sexy? I look sexy.
Not sexy enough for this place.
Take these straps down,
and puff your hair up a little bit.
Okay, okay,
I can do it. I'll be right back.
What are you going to do?
I'm going to go and
do what I used to do
before the football dances.
♪ Ten cents a dance ♪
♪ That's what they pay
me, ten cents a dance ♪
Oh, wowee, where do you live?
Okay, guys, just line up
over there on your right.
Line up, all of you.
As long as you have a
ticket, you'll get to dance.
Too short.
Vermin.
Possible vermin.
Oh, no, oh, no.
Too much?
I just hope no
one has to sneeze.
Just think, we got to do this
every night for three weeks.
Yeah, and all the money we earn
is going to go for
bottles of corn go-away.
Hey, girls, look, it's
Hickey and Stickey,
the novelist and
the big game hunter.
A novelist and a
big game hunter.
Can you see them?
No, and I'm too tired to look.
What you been doing?
Well, I just finished
my latest novel,
Famous Monsters of Japan.
You know me, ha, ha,
I'll shoot at
anything that moves.
Shot off two pages of my book.
Oh, say, yeah, some
fresh fish in the flesh pond.
Excuse us, ladies, as
we saunter over there.
See you on the dance
floor. Save one for me.
Hel-lo... ohh...
Big game hunter, ha!
Novelist!
Quiet now!
You're going to blow our
cover, you're going to take away
the only little bit of happiness
that these girls have.
Yeah. Why, why we're the
only light in their ugly lives.
Anyway, we're men, we're
supposed to be here. Right.
What's your
excuses? Look at you!
You're all swelled up!
What have you got, the mumps?
We happen to be working here.
Let's dance.
I'll take Shirley. I've
already had the mumps.
Your ticket... okay.
All right, Rex, hit it!
Ooh!
Keep away from me.
Hi, there, big boy, got a dime?
No. I'm, I'm looking for
Laverne. I'm her father.
You're going to pay to dance
with your own daughter?
Well, I... Excuse me.
Laverne!
Pop!
Take your hands off my daughter!
What are you doing here?
I'm working.
What are you doing here?
Uh, I asked Carmine; he
told me where you were.
What are you doing
in a place like this?
You wouldn't see Shirley here.
Well, thanks for
the dance, Chuck.
And good luck on
the demolition derby.
You couldn't wait
to do this, huh?
You crazy?
Your father would like to
see you in a place like this,
wouldn't he?
Don't tell my father.
Aww, it's a shame,
Laverne, Muffin, look at that.
I brought you up here, ten
cents a dance? Wonderful!
Let's go home!
But, Pop, we had
to make a living.
Come on, let's get out of here!
And wipe that gook off
your face and we'll get out.
Come on!
But, Pop, you see, I need a job.
Okay, you got a job.
You help out Mary,
minimum wage, and that's
it, let's go. Oh, thanks, Pop.
Well, you two run along.
I'll stay here and
dance with the vermin.
Are you kidding? I'm
going to leave you here?
Come on, you're also working.
Help out Mary, come on,
Minimum wage, what's the
difference? Come on, let's go.
Uh, but Pop, we can't
leave before 2:00 a.m.,
or else we can't cash
in our tickets over there.
That's right. Aw, who cares.
No, you don't understand.
We must have 20 bucks
worth of tickets there.
All right, okay,
finish out the shift.
But no dancing with weirdos.
Well, that cuts out a
lot of people there, Pop.
Well, what do we care.
Hey, come on,
hit it, let's do it!
♪ Don't you know that it's
true it can happen to you? ♪
♪ If you're young at heart ♪
♪ For as rich as you are ♪
♪ It's much better by
far to be young at heart ♪
♪ And if you should
survive to 105 ♪
♪ Look at all you derive
out of being alive ♪
♪ And here is the best part ♪
♪ You'll have a head start ♪
♪ If you are among the
very young at heart ♪
♪ If you are among the
very young at heart. ♪
Okay, one small wheel,
shoot the works
and put shoes on it.
The oven is taking
the curl out of my hair.
Hey, how about some
service here, huh?
Oh, I don't want to wait on her.
Well, I'm not thrilled about it.
But it is our job for
two more weeks.
Well, couldn't you wait
on her just this once?
Why should I?
Oh... brother.
The help here is so slow.
I'm turning old and gray here.
Well, what can you expect
from the unemployed?
Listen.
It's your turn to
wait the table.
I have to serve the
spaghetti over there.
I am sick and tired of
you bossing me around.
Just 'cause this is
your father's place,
you think that you
can boss me around.
Well, I'm not taking it anymore.
What are you going
to do about that, huh?
What am I going to do about it?
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪
♪ Five, six, seven, eight ♪
♪ Schlemiel, Schlimazel,
Hasenpfeffer Incorporated. ♪
We're gonna do it! ♪
♪ Give us any
chance, we'll take it ♪
♪ Read us any
rule, we'll break it ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doin' it our way ♪
♪ Nothing's gonna
turn us back now ♪
♪ Straight ahead
and on the track now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doin' it our way ♪
♪ There is nothing
we won't try ♪
♪ Never heard the
word "impossible" ♪
♪ This time there's
no stopping us ♪
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪
Laverne and Shirley is filmed
before a studio audience.
Listen, accidents
happen in factories.
You know, all that
big machinery around,
vats and cookers and belts.
You're lucky you're
all in one piece.
How did you hurt yourself?
I cut my finger on a time card.
On a time card?
You mean that's a paper cut?
Don't say that.
I can't stand those words,
I can't stand the
thought of that.
I'm beginning to reel again.
I think I'm going to faint.
Tough day at work?
We've been fired!
What? Fired!
Because I came home early?
I had to; I was in agony.
I could have
gotten an infection.
Oh, what are you talking about?
They laid off the
whole section...
Bottlers and labelers.
No! Yep, three weeks.
You're kidding! Nope,
they were putting up the sign
just as I was leaving work.
Laid off? I don't understand it.
Somebody explain this to me.
Explain this to me.
What's to explain?
The sign said, "Don't
come in Monday."
That's it.
Oh, no, oh, no, how
did everybody take it?
Oh, it was terrible.
Oh, Big Henry?
Cried like a baby.
Aw, Fat Waldo?
Sobered up like that.
And Bertha?
Oh, she wants to put
her kids up for adoption.
Oh, no, we're flat broke.
What are we going to do?
Oh, I don't know, but I
figured out on the way home
if we budget
ourselves real carefully,
we're good until tomorrow.
Tomorrow?
How are we going to survive?
I don't know.
Girls, listen, I don't
have any cash,
but you... you're welcome
to be late with the rent.
Oh... Everybody else is.
Thanks, Mrs. Babish.
Well, you got any brainstorms?
First, we take all the
bottles back to the market.
Good, that's 11 cents.
Then we can hock
everything in the apartment.
What, a "Hi Sailor" pillow?
Come on, everything
around us is worthless.
♪ We're in the money ♪
♪ We're in the money. ♪
Oh, hi, Mrs. Babish.
I'm so glad to see you.
Uh, here's last month's rent,
and here is this month's rent.
Ha, sort of a bonus.
And here's a quarter for you.
Go buy yourself
something pretty, okay?
Thanks.
I'm gonna go bank this
right now before it bounces.
When they laid off us bottlers,
they put these
truckers on overtime.
They're making a fortune here.
Hold on just a second.
Let me get this straight.
You mean to tell me we get
punished for doing a good job
while they get rewarded
for doing a bad job?
Mm-hmm. That's not fair.
That's the American way.
My father couldn't help us.
You think Carmine can?
Carmine, we need something,
and we thought
maybe you could help.
Oh, sure, what do you need?
A portable radio, a
toaster or television?
You just go down to Fifth
and Pfister every afternoon
around 4:00, you see
a guy with a mustache.
Now you just... No,
Carmine, Carmine, no.
We need money, we're in trouble.
Oh, well, uh...
In that case, you go down
to, uh, Third and Main,
you see a guy with a hat...
No, no, no, no, not
that kind of trouble.
Would you tell him?
We've been laid off.
We need a temporary job.
You know of anything?
Oh, that's too bad.
Well, look, uh,
let me ask around.
Uh, I'll make a call.
Uh, maybe I can
come up with something
down at the dance studio.
I mean, I heard, uh,
one of my girls ran off
with the record changer.
Oh. Good, good.
They need a girl
and a record changer.
That's good. Yeah.
And if Carmine doesn't
come through with something,
maybe we could sell blood.
You should have thought of that
before I bandaged my finger.
Hey, Mary.
Give me an extra large
pizza with everything on it.
Nah... hold the dead fish.
To go?
Of course, what else?
Hey, Shirley.
Rose, Rose.
DeFazio.
Greenbaum.
Well, I heard it
through the grapevine
that you turkeyolas
got laid off.
Listen.
If you little pauperinis
need a little extra money...
Well... Maybe I
could... help you out.
Uh, now that you
mention it, Rose...
Ouch, ouch!
No thank you.
I'd rather sell my
body to science.
Who else would buy it, DeFazio?
Maybe if you give me a
list of your old customers.
Pizza's ready.
Here, Mary darling,
keep the change.
Well, girls, maybe next week,
when you've cooled off
and you're getting
kind of hungry
and your poor little
tummies are crying out,
"Go... to Rosie,
go... to Rosie,"
I want you to know
that you're welcome
to drop by any time, DeFazio,
just in case you feel like
simonizing one of my cars.
Simonizing!
Well, okay. No, no, no, no, no.
No!
How'd you like me to
turtle-wax your nose, huh?
Look, uh,
there is something I came
up with downtown, uh... Yeah?
There's a place called
Danceland. Yeah?
Now a couple of girls from
the studio wor... work there,
and, uh, they say it's not
the classiest place in town
but, uh, the
money's pretty good.
Ha, who needs classy?
What's the job?
Well, uh, guys come
there, they give you a dime,
and you dance with them.
What sort of guys give
girls dimes to dance, hmm?
Guys with small change.
Oh... I'm telling you...
I'm telling you, Shirl,
it's going to be nice here.
They've even got
a dressing room.
Would you stop
staring and get in here?
Get in here, get in here.
But that man on the stairs.
Did you see him,
that man on the stairs?
So a guy rolls down
a flight of stairs.
So what? It happens every day.
I just thought it was
going to be more
like James Cagney and Doris Day.
They're not coming.
Okay, let's get to it?
You're right, you're
right, let's... get to it.
Hello, my name
is Shirley Feeney,
and this is my friend
Laverne DeFazio.
And we're here to dance.
I'm Charmayne Szvedits
and I couldn't care less.
Nice touch.
Well, just do what
everyone else is doing.
Why is everybody
powdering their chests?
Uh, Charmayne, why are
we powdering our chests?
Look, you're going to be dancing
with men out there.
Yeah. Men who
wear a lot of hair tonic.
Yeah. The powder soaks
up the excess grease.
Yuck, that's disgusting!
That's just disgusting!
Powder up.
Your first time
being a taxi dancer?
A what?
A taxi dancer.
You're for hire, prom queen.
Oh, she thought
you were the queen.
That means any creep,
any lunatic, any vermin
can snap his fingers
and you've got to let
him in the back seat.
Vermin?
Why would vermin want to dance?
Everybody wants to dance.
Oh. Look, I'm going to
give you a couple of tips.
Watch out for men with
mirrors on their shoes.
Oh, we know that. Oh,
that goes without saying.
I would be very careful of
anyone carrying luggage.
Girls, out on the floor.
Oh, just let me put
on my lipstick here.
And, uh... one more thing.
Hmm, what's that?
She's got a knife. Oh!
If you come near any of
my steady customers...
Yeah? Any guy coming
near me... Uh-huh?
I'm going to kill you.
Okay, sure. Okay.
Sure, makes sense.
You got the knife.
What did Charmayne mean
when she said she'd kill us?
Oh, no, that's just
a figure of speech.
Just like, I'm going
to cut your heart out.
Sit.
You girls learn fast.
You're gonna be all right.
I'm going to give
you another tip.
Oh good. We love your
tips. Love those tips.
Enough. Enough.
You got to know how to handle
yourself when you're out there
under the big ball.
Don't let them dance
you into three places.
Where's that?
Darkness, up against
walls and the men's room.
Men's room?
Through that arch there.
Oh. Oh.
Thank you, Charmayne,
thank you so much.
Don't ever thank me.
Don't ever thank her.
I don't like to be
obligated. Doesn't like it.
I run alone. Runs alone.
I was born alone. No.
I'm going to stay that way.
Well, I can certainly
understand that.
Have a nice night.
Don't tell me what to do.
Don't tell her what to do!
How many times
have you got to be told?
Don't tell her what to
do. Don't say anything.
Uh, you, uh, two girls want
to take a little spin or what?
Uh, hi. Uh, my name's
Laverne. What's yours?
My wife, she don't
understand me.
Oh.
What do you do for a living?
My wife, she don't
understand me.
Yes?
Well, that's a good
job, there, you know?
How do you do?
Uh, my name is Shirley Feeney,
and I'd like you to know
that you're my very first.
How you doing? Not so good.
Oh...!
Laverne! I got him, I got him.
They sure are leaving us alone.
They're leaving us so alone,
we're not making any money, here.
Yes, sir.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have
handled that big guy so rough.
Did you want to stay
in the men's room?
No. Well?
How can we earn some money here?
Look to your left,
look at that girl
to your left over
there, look at her.
She must have 50 bucks
worth of tickets around her neck.
That's right, and she
hasn't even been dancing.
She don't need to dance.
Nature has been
kind to that woman.
Come on, I got an idea. What?
We're going to make
ourselves look sexier.
Look sexy? I look sexy.
Not sexy enough for this place.
Take these straps down,
and puff your hair up a little bit.
Okay, okay,
I can do it. I'll be right back.
What are you going to do?
I'm going to go and
do what I used to do
before the football dances.
♪ Ten cents a dance ♪
♪ That's what they pay
me, ten cents a dance ♪
Oh, wowee, where do you live?
Okay, guys, just line up
over there on your right.
Line up, all of you.
As long as you have a
ticket, you'll get to dance.
Too short.
Vermin.
Possible vermin.
Oh, no, oh, no.
Too much?
I just hope no
one has to sneeze.
Just think, we got to do this
every night for three weeks.
Yeah, and all the money we earn
is going to go for
bottles of corn go-away.
Hey, girls, look, it's
Hickey and Stickey,
the novelist and
the big game hunter.
A novelist and a
big game hunter.
Can you see them?
No, and I'm too tired to look.
What you been doing?
Well, I just finished
my latest novel,
Famous Monsters of Japan.
You know me, ha, ha,
I'll shoot at
anything that moves.
Shot off two pages of my book.
Oh, say, yeah, some
fresh fish in the flesh pond.
Excuse us, ladies, as
we saunter over there.
See you on the dance
floor. Save one for me.
Hel-lo... ohh...
Big game hunter, ha!
Novelist!
Quiet now!
You're going to blow our
cover, you're going to take away
the only little bit of happiness
that these girls have.
Yeah. Why, why we're the
only light in their ugly lives.
Anyway, we're men, we're
supposed to be here. Right.
What's your
excuses? Look at you!
You're all swelled up!
What have you got, the mumps?
We happen to be working here.
Let's dance.
I'll take Shirley. I've
already had the mumps.
Your ticket... okay.
All right, Rex, hit it!
Ooh!
Keep away from me.
Hi, there, big boy, got a dime?
No. I'm, I'm looking for
Laverne. I'm her father.
You're going to pay to dance
with your own daughter?
Well, I... Excuse me.
Laverne!
Pop!
Take your hands off my daughter!
What are you doing here?
I'm working.
What are you doing here?
Uh, I asked Carmine; he
told me where you were.
What are you doing
in a place like this?
You wouldn't see Shirley here.
Well, thanks for
the dance, Chuck.
And good luck on
the demolition derby.
You couldn't wait
to do this, huh?
You crazy?
Your father would like to
see you in a place like this,
wouldn't he?
Don't tell my father.
Aww, it's a shame,
Laverne, Muffin, look at that.
I brought you up here, ten
cents a dance? Wonderful!
Let's go home!
But, Pop, we had
to make a living.
Come on, let's get out of here!
And wipe that gook off
your face and we'll get out.
Come on!
But, Pop, you see, I need a job.
Okay, you got a job.
You help out Mary,
minimum wage, and that's
it, let's go. Oh, thanks, Pop.
Well, you two run along.
I'll stay here and
dance with the vermin.
Are you kidding? I'm
going to leave you here?
Come on, you're also working.
Help out Mary, come on,
Minimum wage, what's the
difference? Come on, let's go.
Uh, but Pop, we can't
leave before 2:00 a.m.,
or else we can't cash
in our tickets over there.
That's right. Aw, who cares.
No, you don't understand.
We must have 20 bucks
worth of tickets there.
All right, okay,
finish out the shift.
But no dancing with weirdos.
Well, that cuts out a
lot of people there, Pop.
Well, what do we care.
Hey, come on,
hit it, let's do it!
♪ Don't you know that it's
true it can happen to you? ♪
♪ If you're young at heart ♪
♪ For as rich as you are ♪
♪ It's much better by
far to be young at heart ♪
♪ And if you should
survive to 105 ♪
♪ Look at all you derive
out of being alive ♪
♪ And here is the best part ♪
♪ You'll have a head start ♪
♪ If you are among the
very young at heart ♪
♪ If you are among the
very young at heart. ♪
Okay, one small wheel,
shoot the works
and put shoes on it.
The oven is taking
the curl out of my hair.
Hey, how about some
service here, huh?
Oh, I don't want to wait on her.
Well, I'm not thrilled about it.
But it is our job for
two more weeks.
Well, couldn't you wait
on her just this once?
Why should I?
Oh... brother.
The help here is so slow.
I'm turning old and gray here.
Well, what can you expect
from the unemployed?
Listen.
It's your turn to
wait the table.
I have to serve the
spaghetti over there.
I am sick and tired of
you bossing me around.
Just 'cause this is
your father's place,
you think that you
can boss me around.
Well, I'm not taking it anymore.
What are you going
to do about that, huh?
What am I going to do about it?
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪