Laverne & Shirley (1976–1983): Season 2, Episode 12 - Anniversary Show - full transcript
The girls remember experiences from the past year.
♪ One, two, three, four ♪
♪ Five, six, seven, eight ♪
♪ Schlemiel, Schlimazel,
Hasenpfeffer Incorporated. ♪
We're gonna do it! ♪
♪ Give us any
chance, we'll take it ♪
♪ Read us any
rule, we'll break it ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doin' it our way ♪
♪ Nothin's gonna
turn us back now ♪
♪ Straight ahead
and on the track now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doin' it our way ♪
♪ There is nothing
we won't try ♪
♪ Never heard the
word "impossible" ♪
♪ This time there's
no stopping us ♪
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪
Where are they?
We're given' them a party
and they're not even here.
Will you stop pacing!
My second husband, Lloyd,
he used to pace
when he was worried.
The day he proposed to me,
I had to follow him for 30 miles
before he popped the question.
Oh!
Ah! Hi!
Hey, I ran all the way
from the dance studio.
You can at least
speak to me in English.
English.
Sit down, Carmine.
I speak English.
Hey, where's
Laverne and Shirley?
They went to Chicago
to bowl on the Shotz
Brewery Team, and they won.
They are now the champions
of all the brewers
in the Midwest.
Hey, that's great. We
can have a party for 'em.
What do you think
this is? This is a party.
Dancing there, yeah,
sure, dance party, no...
I just sent Rosie over to
pick up Lenny and Squiggy.
I told you we will all be here.
No Laverne and Shirley.
Frank. Frank, are
you listening to me?
They're supposed
to be here at noon.
They missed the train.
They're trying to
get on another train.
Why didn't they
drive to Chicago?
They got a car!
I was the guy that
helped them get it.
Did you ever see
Laverne and Shirley drive?
No! Drive the car!
Enough of that.
Come on, come on.
Hey, you're gonna hit... Ohh...
Right-hand turn. Get away!
Go away! Get back.
Please go away!
Go away!
Go away!
Watch it, huh?
You look real good.
You look real good.
Well, I picked 'em up just
like you said, Mrs. Babish.
Uh! No need to thank me
for allowing myself to be
seen on this side of the tracks.
Hey, did you guys get to
ride in Rosie's Cadillac?
Some ride.
She made us sit in the trunk.
Hey, I just didn't want you guys
greasin' up my
velveteen upholstery.
Frank's a little upset.
He thinks the girls
are lost somewhere.
Come on, I'll get you a beer.
Oh, hey, I could use one, too.
Hey, hey, cheer up, Mr. DeFazio.
We'll help you wait.
Yeah, you know
it's like the saying,
"Missouri loves company."
That's why it's such
a crowded state.
Look, will you stop worrying?
Laverne and Shirley can
take care of themselves.
Will you just sit
down and relax?
Yeah, they're the
only two girls I know
who got their names erased
from the men's room wall.
It's a good thing for you
I'm wearing my dress-up jacket!
Boy! Shee!
Am I tired of getting
pushed around in this place.
You, too, huh? Right
in front of our dates!
Yeah, that's
ridiculous. Me, too,
but I'll tell you something:
that's the last
time. Startin' now,
I'm throwing my weight
around. Outta my way.
Move over, Bub. I
want to comb my hair.
Get lost!
Hahh... Ooh.
It's a lucky thing for you I'm
wearing my dress-up jacket.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Don't we know you two
guys from some place?
I don't think so.
Now beat it. Oh, yeah, yeah.
I've seen your face on
somebody else's body.
I know who it is.
Hey, it's Nick and Phil from
the bowling alley. Right?
What are you talking about?
They're Barney and
Jack from the brewery.
Uh, Barney's got no
teeth and Jack is a Negro.
I'm not talking about black
Jack. I mean white Jack.
White Jack don't
work at the brewery.
Fellows. Fellows! He
got fired from the brewery.
Fellows!
It's us!
I told you it was Nick and Phil.
Fellas.
It's Nick and Laverne.
Ah.
Fellas, it's me. It's Shirley!
Shirley and Laverne!
Ooh, wow!
Oh, no!
What are you doing here?
Are you crazy?!
This is, this is
a place for men.
It's like a club.
So, what are you
guys talking about?
Laverne and Shirley.
We were just going
down memory lane.
Yeah, and if you want to
come, climb in the trunk.
When are you guys gonna
start treating me like a lady, huh?
Yeah, some lady.
You been in more
fights than Joe Palooka.
He was no lady.
I only fight with DeFazio.
Yeah, and poor Shirley
always manages to get caught
in the middle of the
whole thing, huh?
"Bimbo"?
Yeah.
Bimbo.
Excuse me.
If you have anything
without your...?
No!
Don't! No, ladies, ladies!
I can't leave you
alone for two seconds.
You ought to be ashamed of
yourself... at a bridal shower.
And you, squarin' off
in your own apartment.
She drowned my fox.
She called me a bimbo.
All right, clear the room,
move the couch back,
pick up the gifts, all the
breakables up against the wall.
It is now 5:00.
You know, Laverne
and Shirley have helped
a lot of people
out, too, you know.
Yeah, sure, if they want
to make out with 'em.
No, no, no, like
the time they helped
the, uh, German cleaning
guy when he fainted.
You remember that? Why, oh, yes.
Loosen his belt.
Why me?
All right, then, choose.
I don't care.
My mother and your mother
were hanging out the clothes.
My mother gave your
mother a sock in the nose.
What color was the blood? Red.
R-E-D.
Why do I always lose at this?
It's not too hard to
figure out, Laverne.
What if I said green?
It's the same exact thing.
G-R-E-E-N. All right.
Okay. All right, next.
Oh, I don't know... ah!
Mouth-to-mouth
resuscitation. Great.
You do it. You do it.
You do it! You do it!
Laverne! Shirley!
Come on. I did everything else.
It's your turn. All right.
Loretta Young would do as much.
Make sure his neck's up.
I've got his neck. I've got...
Okay, open his mouth.
I've got his mouth.
Okay, make sure
his tongue's flat.
How do I do that?
With your finger,
make sure it's flat.
I've been cleaning
with this finger.
He'll never know.
Just put it in there.
Ugh...
Yeah, but they learned
more about first aid
when they worked
as volunteer nurses.
Whoosh!
Corners... got little
hospital corners here.
They call it that 'cause
you're in a hospital.
Okay, nothing up
my sleeves here.
One... two... three.
Oh, okay, I'll get
you the pink lady.
Laverne, they weren't his t...
Shirley, Shirley,
come back in here.
Quick. Laverne, what
are you doing down there?
I can't help it.
Will you help get him off me?
How can I...?
Just pull up.
Pull him up.
Pull harder up.
Harder... pull him harder up.
Up harder.
There you are.
Come on around here
and get the sheets!
Come around here
and get the sheets!
Get the sheets?! Get the sheets!
I can't get up!
Give me your hand.
Give me your hand.
Come on... come on.
Get up here. Now pull.
Ow!
Pull the sheet out.
Okay... okay.
We did it.
You know, I think Laverne
and Shirley met a couple
of guys on the train
and they're probably
at some fancy party right now.
Nah, only fancy party they
ever went to was with Fonzie.
Remember?
Ladies and gentlemen, the Fonz.
Your coat?
That's right. It's my coat.
Are those your pants?
Who is this guy?
Come here, Fonz.
Hey, how you doing?
Oh, don't get up.
Don't get up, huh?
You're gonna spill your food.
Knock yourselves out.
Um, Arthur Fonzarelli,
this is our hostess Nana Shotz.
Our hostess Nana Shotz, huh?
Life begins at 80, huh, Nana?
Whoa!
This is Tad Shotz.
Hey, how you doing, Tad?
How do you do, Arthur?
Oh, listen, everybody.
I'm real sorry that I'm late,
but it was my night
to close up the garage.
Dig?
Well, perhaps you'd like
to, um, wash your hands.
No, I washed my hands
down at the garage real good.
Hey, listen, Taddo,
I'd love to use your john
for another reason if
you receive my drift.
Yes, certainly.
Certainly, Arthur. Uh, Gerald.
Yes, sir.
Would you show
Mr. Fonzarelli the facilities?
Facility.
This way, sir.
You're still after my coat, huh?
It take them so long to get
from Chicago to Milwaukee?
Well, maybe something
happened to them.
Oh, now, look, they're
gonna be all right.
Any minute now they're
gonna walk through that door.
Welcome to Canada.
For travel
information, please...
Busy.
All right, well,
thanks a lot, Operator.
How are we gonna
explain this to my father?
I have nothing to explain.
I am completely innocent.
It was your fault we
took the wrong train.
Oh, hold on there.
You could have been
listening for them to announce
that the train was leaving.
I heard the man
say, "All aboard."
"Canada"? Did you hear him
say, "All aboard to Canada"?
Did I say, "Come on,
Laverne. Let's go to Canada"?
No, I'd rather be
home right now.
I mean, what good is this
trophy to us in Canada?
Thank you, ma'am.
It's getting late.
Where are those girls?
At the balloon
pop, it will be 7:00.
He woulda made
a great time-lady.
Got any tens?
Go fish.
Gee, Mr. DeFazio is very calm.
Why can't Laverne be like that?
Shirley is.
Shirley... Shirley's
always very calm.
Sure, sure. You
keep believing that,
you'll believe anything
you read in the papers.
Do you remember the time
we were baby-sitting for her?
We gave away the baby.
You'd think she was
going to go crazy!
Sit right there.
I know, I know. Calm down.
We gotta remain
very calm about this.
Oh, Laverne, I'm
getting hysterical!
Don't. Where is that baby?!
Thank you.
Thank you.
You hit me.
I'm sorry.
I was trying to get
a grip on myself.
I'm calling the police.
I said I was sorry! I'm sorry!
No, no, no!
I'm calling the
police about the baby.
Yes! Good idea! Call the police!
Don't worry.
They know how to get
along by themselves.
Yeah, I guess so.
Do you remember the time
that Shirley got the free TV set
by talking Richie Cunningham
into taking her to the
high school dance? Yeah.
Why did you invite me here?
Because I had a lovely
time on our last date.
11-1/2 months ago?
Yes.
Oh. Well, maybe we should do
something together sometime.
Anything but murder, mister.
Um... Well,
there's gonna be a Victory
Dance this Saturday night.
Oh! A Victory Dance!
Oh, yes! A Victory Dance.
How I'd love to go to a dance.
Yeah? Well, they're gonna
have a dance contest,
and they're giving
away a TV set.
Really? Yeah.
Oh, that would be lovely.
We would have
such fun, wouldn't we?
But I'll bet you
already have a date.
You'd go with me
to the Victory Dance?
You bet your booties I would.
I can't dance very well.
Just follow me, kid.
One, two, three,
four. One, two...
♪ Let's go to the hop ♪
♪ Let's go to the hop... ♪
Right hand up and smile!
Bend down and tie your shoe!
Tie the other one!
Come here, kid!
Come here!
Down!
I'll be right back.
Richie, I... No,
no. Don't worry.
You don't have to
try and scare me off.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I know why you and Laverne
wanted to go out
with Potsie and me.
You wanted to win a TV.
Now, how did you know that?
I'm a senior.
I'm wise to the
ways of the world.
Oh, gee, Richie, let me explain.
You see, our television
blew up last week,
and... and they're so expensive.
We didn't have the money.
Shirley, you don't have
to explain anything.
I had a great time.
I went out with
a very pretty girl,
and I won a television
set and a dance contest
and my name's gonna be engraved
on a trophy at
Jefferson High School.
That's because I wanted to,
not 'cause I had to.
Bye.
Nice closet.
Drive carefully.
Maybe we should
just forget the party
and have it another day, huh?
No, no, no.
If they show up here
and we're not around,
they're gonna be
real disappointed.
Yeah, they're always all smiles
whenever we walk
through the door.
Shirl, believe me, I am not sick
and there is nothing in this
place that will make me sick.
Hello, girls.
Handsome, rich guys with class.
Hello.
All that man wants out of life
is something that cries,
burps and wets its pants.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
I must say you were a help
when Laverne thought
she was pregnant.
I sure was... Now,
what were you saying?
Well, me and Squiggy
were talking, see...
and we know all
about your plight.
And, uh... well,
we decided your kid
ought to have a last name.
Huh?
Yeah, on account of
if he don't, the poor little
guy's never gonna get any mail.
What are you trying to say, Len?
Okay.
Well, me and Squiggy
flipped a coin...
to decide which of us would
volunteer to be your husband.
Aw, and you lost, huh?
No, I won.
Now, Kosnowski's a
pretty good name, Laverne.
See, I had it
practically all my life.
My grandfather told me it means
"Help, there's a
hog in my kitchen."
That's nice.
Now, there's a lot you don't
know about me, Laverne.
I mean, I'm... I'm
a pretty deep guy.
Listen, Lenny... Len?
Yeah, you sit down.
Okay, we'll both sit down.
What I'm trying to
say is that even though
I've always been a big
swinger and everything,
and you know, I never wanted
to settle down or nothing,
you know, the famous
"Lone Wolf" and everything.
Yeah, I remember that.
Uh, well, I just want you to
know that I'm gonna buckle down.
I'm going to take
the dispatcher's test.
I'm gonna make a good living.
Plus... I'll practically
never hit you or nothin'.
And anyway, I... I like you,
and I'd like you to marry me.
Eh... I should go home.
Us rich people got a lot
of things to do, you know?
Oh, you should wait
around a little longer.
I mean after all they did win a
big bowling match, you know?
Yeah, they are good
bowlers. I give them that.
That's all I give 'em.
Good bowlers?!
They're great bowlers.
Did you know that
Laverne once bowled
after the doctor gave her a
bunch of pills for her cold?
Those pills do not
make her perky!
They make her jerky!
What is this she's dressed in?
This is what they call
a missionary uniform.
She just had lunch with 20 bums.
Good soup.
You're gonna bowl.
Aren't you, Laverne?
Yeah, the team needs you.
There are no holes.
What do you mean they're not...?
Here.
Thanks.
Hi, everyone! Hi, everyone!
We made it!
Hi, Pops!
You're okay? Yeah.
Oh, wonderful!
Did you hear? They're all right!
They're okay now!
Where were you?
In Canada.
It's too late to have a
party now. Let's go home.
We've been waiting all day and
we were worried sick about you.
And now you show up.
Welcome back. Congratulations.
See, we had a party,
a big surprise for you.
This is the cake... one of
the nicest cakes you ever saw.
I'm going home. I'm tired!
I'm tired! I'm fed up!
I'm glad you're home.
Sweet, huh?
What sweet?
I've just been to 17 different
cities and two countries...
all seen through a window.
Then we spent the last
30 miles riding in the back
of some old guy's
truck filled with chickens.
Well, now, it got us breakfast.
Didn't you just see all those people
go out saying nasty things to us?
Didn't you hear them?
Well... Mrs. Babish
yelled, "Welcome home."
She said, "I'm going
home. I'm going home."
That's what she
said: "I'm going home."
Well, so what?
We traveled through a
strange country on a train...
we met new and
exciting people...
Aw, you really think those
Canadian Border guards
are going to take us to
the Toronto Mardi Gras?
They have our phone number.
I don't believe you. I
mean, how do you do it?
How do you keep your hopes so
high even when we're in the sewer?
How do you do that?
You've got chicken
feathers all over...
Aw, get them off.
Put 'em in the trophy.
What do you mean
"put 'em in the trophy?"
Leave me alone.
Would you stop putting
them in my drawers?
Oh, miss, you're...
Hey! Hey, girls!
Laverne! Shirley!
We had a meeting
in Rosie's Cadillac.
Yeah, these two guys
broke my antenna.
We thought it would go higher.
Yeah, if you're so rich,
how come you don't
have a longer aerial?
Anyway, we figured
we'd still give you a party.
Yeah, so let's have a party!
Whoo-hoo!
Well, I guess
this will show you.
Show me what? I told you so.
You did not tell me.
How did you know?
How did I know? How
did you know that?
♪ Just what makes
that little ol' ant ♪
♪ Think he can move
that rubber tree plant? ♪
♪ Ooh! Anyone
knows an ant can't ♪
♪ Move a rubber tree plant ♪
♪ But he's got high hopes ♪
♪ He's got high hopes ♪
♪ He's got high
apple-pie-in-the-sky hopes ♪
♪ So any time
you're feeling low ♪
♪ 'Stead of letting go,
just remember that ant... ♪
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪
♪ Five, six, seven, eight ♪
♪ Schlemiel, Schlimazel,
Hasenpfeffer Incorporated. ♪
We're gonna do it! ♪
♪ Give us any
chance, we'll take it ♪
♪ Read us any
rule, we'll break it ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doin' it our way ♪
♪ Nothin's gonna
turn us back now ♪
♪ Straight ahead
and on the track now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doin' it our way ♪
♪ There is nothing
we won't try ♪
♪ Never heard the
word "impossible" ♪
♪ This time there's
no stopping us ♪
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪
Where are they?
We're given' them a party
and they're not even here.
Will you stop pacing!
My second husband, Lloyd,
he used to pace
when he was worried.
The day he proposed to me,
I had to follow him for 30 miles
before he popped the question.
Oh!
Ah! Hi!
Hey, I ran all the way
from the dance studio.
You can at least
speak to me in English.
English.
Sit down, Carmine.
I speak English.
Hey, where's
Laverne and Shirley?
They went to Chicago
to bowl on the Shotz
Brewery Team, and they won.
They are now the champions
of all the brewers
in the Midwest.
Hey, that's great. We
can have a party for 'em.
What do you think
this is? This is a party.
Dancing there, yeah,
sure, dance party, no...
I just sent Rosie over to
pick up Lenny and Squiggy.
I told you we will all be here.
No Laverne and Shirley.
Frank. Frank, are
you listening to me?
They're supposed
to be here at noon.
They missed the train.
They're trying to
get on another train.
Why didn't they
drive to Chicago?
They got a car!
I was the guy that
helped them get it.
Did you ever see
Laverne and Shirley drive?
No! Drive the car!
Enough of that.
Come on, come on.
Hey, you're gonna hit... Ohh...
Right-hand turn. Get away!
Go away! Get back.
Please go away!
Go away!
Go away!
Watch it, huh?
You look real good.
You look real good.
Well, I picked 'em up just
like you said, Mrs. Babish.
Uh! No need to thank me
for allowing myself to be
seen on this side of the tracks.
Hey, did you guys get to
ride in Rosie's Cadillac?
Some ride.
She made us sit in the trunk.
Hey, I just didn't want you guys
greasin' up my
velveteen upholstery.
Frank's a little upset.
He thinks the girls
are lost somewhere.
Come on, I'll get you a beer.
Oh, hey, I could use one, too.
Hey, hey, cheer up, Mr. DeFazio.
We'll help you wait.
Yeah, you know
it's like the saying,
"Missouri loves company."
That's why it's such
a crowded state.
Look, will you stop worrying?
Laverne and Shirley can
take care of themselves.
Will you just sit
down and relax?
Yeah, they're the
only two girls I know
who got their names erased
from the men's room wall.
It's a good thing for you
I'm wearing my dress-up jacket!
Boy! Shee!
Am I tired of getting
pushed around in this place.
You, too, huh? Right
in front of our dates!
Yeah, that's
ridiculous. Me, too,
but I'll tell you something:
that's the last
time. Startin' now,
I'm throwing my weight
around. Outta my way.
Move over, Bub. I
want to comb my hair.
Get lost!
Hahh... Ooh.
It's a lucky thing for you I'm
wearing my dress-up jacket.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Don't we know you two
guys from some place?
I don't think so.
Now beat it. Oh, yeah, yeah.
I've seen your face on
somebody else's body.
I know who it is.
Hey, it's Nick and Phil from
the bowling alley. Right?
What are you talking about?
They're Barney and
Jack from the brewery.
Uh, Barney's got no
teeth and Jack is a Negro.
I'm not talking about black
Jack. I mean white Jack.
White Jack don't
work at the brewery.
Fellows. Fellows! He
got fired from the brewery.
Fellows!
It's us!
I told you it was Nick and Phil.
Fellas.
It's Nick and Laverne.
Ah.
Fellas, it's me. It's Shirley!
Shirley and Laverne!
Ooh, wow!
Oh, no!
What are you doing here?
Are you crazy?!
This is, this is
a place for men.
It's like a club.
So, what are you
guys talking about?
Laverne and Shirley.
We were just going
down memory lane.
Yeah, and if you want to
come, climb in the trunk.
When are you guys gonna
start treating me like a lady, huh?
Yeah, some lady.
You been in more
fights than Joe Palooka.
He was no lady.
I only fight with DeFazio.
Yeah, and poor Shirley
always manages to get caught
in the middle of the
whole thing, huh?
"Bimbo"?
Yeah.
Bimbo.
Excuse me.
If you have anything
without your...?
No!
Don't! No, ladies, ladies!
I can't leave you
alone for two seconds.
You ought to be ashamed of
yourself... at a bridal shower.
And you, squarin' off
in your own apartment.
She drowned my fox.
She called me a bimbo.
All right, clear the room,
move the couch back,
pick up the gifts, all the
breakables up against the wall.
It is now 5:00.
You know, Laverne
and Shirley have helped
a lot of people
out, too, you know.
Yeah, sure, if they want
to make out with 'em.
No, no, no, like
the time they helped
the, uh, German cleaning
guy when he fainted.
You remember that? Why, oh, yes.
Loosen his belt.
Why me?
All right, then, choose.
I don't care.
My mother and your mother
were hanging out the clothes.
My mother gave your
mother a sock in the nose.
What color was the blood? Red.
R-E-D.
Why do I always lose at this?
It's not too hard to
figure out, Laverne.
What if I said green?
It's the same exact thing.
G-R-E-E-N. All right.
Okay. All right, next.
Oh, I don't know... ah!
Mouth-to-mouth
resuscitation. Great.
You do it. You do it.
You do it! You do it!
Laverne! Shirley!
Come on. I did everything else.
It's your turn. All right.
Loretta Young would do as much.
Make sure his neck's up.
I've got his neck. I've got...
Okay, open his mouth.
I've got his mouth.
Okay, make sure
his tongue's flat.
How do I do that?
With your finger,
make sure it's flat.
I've been cleaning
with this finger.
He'll never know.
Just put it in there.
Ugh...
Yeah, but they learned
more about first aid
when they worked
as volunteer nurses.
Whoosh!
Corners... got little
hospital corners here.
They call it that 'cause
you're in a hospital.
Okay, nothing up
my sleeves here.
One... two... three.
Oh, okay, I'll get
you the pink lady.
Laverne, they weren't his t...
Shirley, Shirley,
come back in here.
Quick. Laverne, what
are you doing down there?
I can't help it.
Will you help get him off me?
How can I...?
Just pull up.
Pull him up.
Pull harder up.
Harder... pull him harder up.
Up harder.
There you are.
Come on around here
and get the sheets!
Come around here
and get the sheets!
Get the sheets?! Get the sheets!
I can't get up!
Give me your hand.
Give me your hand.
Come on... come on.
Get up here. Now pull.
Ow!
Pull the sheet out.
Okay... okay.
We did it.
You know, I think Laverne
and Shirley met a couple
of guys on the train
and they're probably
at some fancy party right now.
Nah, only fancy party they
ever went to was with Fonzie.
Remember?
Ladies and gentlemen, the Fonz.
Your coat?
That's right. It's my coat.
Are those your pants?
Who is this guy?
Come here, Fonz.
Hey, how you doing?
Oh, don't get up.
Don't get up, huh?
You're gonna spill your food.
Knock yourselves out.
Um, Arthur Fonzarelli,
this is our hostess Nana Shotz.
Our hostess Nana Shotz, huh?
Life begins at 80, huh, Nana?
Whoa!
This is Tad Shotz.
Hey, how you doing, Tad?
How do you do, Arthur?
Oh, listen, everybody.
I'm real sorry that I'm late,
but it was my night
to close up the garage.
Dig?
Well, perhaps you'd like
to, um, wash your hands.
No, I washed my hands
down at the garage real good.
Hey, listen, Taddo,
I'd love to use your john
for another reason if
you receive my drift.
Yes, certainly.
Certainly, Arthur. Uh, Gerald.
Yes, sir.
Would you show
Mr. Fonzarelli the facilities?
Facility.
This way, sir.
You're still after my coat, huh?
It take them so long to get
from Chicago to Milwaukee?
Well, maybe something
happened to them.
Oh, now, look, they're
gonna be all right.
Any minute now they're
gonna walk through that door.
Welcome to Canada.
For travel
information, please...
Busy.
All right, well,
thanks a lot, Operator.
How are we gonna
explain this to my father?
I have nothing to explain.
I am completely innocent.
It was your fault we
took the wrong train.
Oh, hold on there.
You could have been
listening for them to announce
that the train was leaving.
I heard the man
say, "All aboard."
"Canada"? Did you hear him
say, "All aboard to Canada"?
Did I say, "Come on,
Laverne. Let's go to Canada"?
No, I'd rather be
home right now.
I mean, what good is this
trophy to us in Canada?
Thank you, ma'am.
It's getting late.
Where are those girls?
At the balloon
pop, it will be 7:00.
He woulda made
a great time-lady.
Got any tens?
Go fish.
Gee, Mr. DeFazio is very calm.
Why can't Laverne be like that?
Shirley is.
Shirley... Shirley's
always very calm.
Sure, sure. You
keep believing that,
you'll believe anything
you read in the papers.
Do you remember the time
we were baby-sitting for her?
We gave away the baby.
You'd think she was
going to go crazy!
Sit right there.
I know, I know. Calm down.
We gotta remain
very calm about this.
Oh, Laverne, I'm
getting hysterical!
Don't. Where is that baby?!
Thank you.
Thank you.
You hit me.
I'm sorry.
I was trying to get
a grip on myself.
I'm calling the police.
I said I was sorry! I'm sorry!
No, no, no!
I'm calling the
police about the baby.
Yes! Good idea! Call the police!
Don't worry.
They know how to get
along by themselves.
Yeah, I guess so.
Do you remember the time
that Shirley got the free TV set
by talking Richie Cunningham
into taking her to the
high school dance? Yeah.
Why did you invite me here?
Because I had a lovely
time on our last date.
11-1/2 months ago?
Yes.
Oh. Well, maybe we should do
something together sometime.
Anything but murder, mister.
Um... Well,
there's gonna be a Victory
Dance this Saturday night.
Oh! A Victory Dance!
Oh, yes! A Victory Dance.
How I'd love to go to a dance.
Yeah? Well, they're gonna
have a dance contest,
and they're giving
away a TV set.
Really? Yeah.
Oh, that would be lovely.
We would have
such fun, wouldn't we?
But I'll bet you
already have a date.
You'd go with me
to the Victory Dance?
You bet your booties I would.
I can't dance very well.
Just follow me, kid.
One, two, three,
four. One, two...
♪ Let's go to the hop ♪
♪ Let's go to the hop... ♪
Right hand up and smile!
Bend down and tie your shoe!
Tie the other one!
Come here, kid!
Come here!
Down!
I'll be right back.
Richie, I... No,
no. Don't worry.
You don't have to
try and scare me off.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I know why you and Laverne
wanted to go out
with Potsie and me.
You wanted to win a TV.
Now, how did you know that?
I'm a senior.
I'm wise to the
ways of the world.
Oh, gee, Richie, let me explain.
You see, our television
blew up last week,
and... and they're so expensive.
We didn't have the money.
Shirley, you don't have
to explain anything.
I had a great time.
I went out with
a very pretty girl,
and I won a television
set and a dance contest
and my name's gonna be engraved
on a trophy at
Jefferson High School.
That's because I wanted to,
not 'cause I had to.
Bye.
Nice closet.
Drive carefully.
Maybe we should
just forget the party
and have it another day, huh?
No, no, no.
If they show up here
and we're not around,
they're gonna be
real disappointed.
Yeah, they're always all smiles
whenever we walk
through the door.
Shirl, believe me, I am not sick
and there is nothing in this
place that will make me sick.
Hello, girls.
Handsome, rich guys with class.
Hello.
All that man wants out of life
is something that cries,
burps and wets its pants.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
I must say you were a help
when Laverne thought
she was pregnant.
I sure was... Now,
what were you saying?
Well, me and Squiggy
were talking, see...
and we know all
about your plight.
And, uh... well,
we decided your kid
ought to have a last name.
Huh?
Yeah, on account of
if he don't, the poor little
guy's never gonna get any mail.
What are you trying to say, Len?
Okay.
Well, me and Squiggy
flipped a coin...
to decide which of us would
volunteer to be your husband.
Aw, and you lost, huh?
No, I won.
Now, Kosnowski's a
pretty good name, Laverne.
See, I had it
practically all my life.
My grandfather told me it means
"Help, there's a
hog in my kitchen."
That's nice.
Now, there's a lot you don't
know about me, Laverne.
I mean, I'm... I'm
a pretty deep guy.
Listen, Lenny... Len?
Yeah, you sit down.
Okay, we'll both sit down.
What I'm trying to
say is that even though
I've always been a big
swinger and everything,
and you know, I never wanted
to settle down or nothing,
you know, the famous
"Lone Wolf" and everything.
Yeah, I remember that.
Uh, well, I just want you to
know that I'm gonna buckle down.
I'm going to take
the dispatcher's test.
I'm gonna make a good living.
Plus... I'll practically
never hit you or nothin'.
And anyway, I... I like you,
and I'd like you to marry me.
Eh... I should go home.
Us rich people got a lot
of things to do, you know?
Oh, you should wait
around a little longer.
I mean after all they did win a
big bowling match, you know?
Yeah, they are good
bowlers. I give them that.
That's all I give 'em.
Good bowlers?!
They're great bowlers.
Did you know that
Laverne once bowled
after the doctor gave her a
bunch of pills for her cold?
Those pills do not
make her perky!
They make her jerky!
What is this she's dressed in?
This is what they call
a missionary uniform.
She just had lunch with 20 bums.
Good soup.
You're gonna bowl.
Aren't you, Laverne?
Yeah, the team needs you.
There are no holes.
What do you mean they're not...?
Here.
Thanks.
Hi, everyone! Hi, everyone!
We made it!
Hi, Pops!
You're okay? Yeah.
Oh, wonderful!
Did you hear? They're all right!
They're okay now!
Where were you?
In Canada.
It's too late to have a
party now. Let's go home.
We've been waiting all day and
we were worried sick about you.
And now you show up.
Welcome back. Congratulations.
See, we had a party,
a big surprise for you.
This is the cake... one of
the nicest cakes you ever saw.
I'm going home. I'm tired!
I'm tired! I'm fed up!
I'm glad you're home.
Sweet, huh?
What sweet?
I've just been to 17 different
cities and two countries...
all seen through a window.
Then we spent the last
30 miles riding in the back
of some old guy's
truck filled with chickens.
Well, now, it got us breakfast.
Didn't you just see all those people
go out saying nasty things to us?
Didn't you hear them?
Well... Mrs. Babish
yelled, "Welcome home."
She said, "I'm going
home. I'm going home."
That's what she
said: "I'm going home."
Well, so what?
We traveled through a
strange country on a train...
we met new and
exciting people...
Aw, you really think those
Canadian Border guards
are going to take us to
the Toronto Mardi Gras?
They have our phone number.
I don't believe you. I
mean, how do you do it?
How do you keep your hopes so
high even when we're in the sewer?
How do you do that?
You've got chicken
feathers all over...
Aw, get them off.
Put 'em in the trophy.
What do you mean
"put 'em in the trophy?"
Leave me alone.
Would you stop putting
them in my drawers?
Oh, miss, you're...
Hey! Hey, girls!
Laverne! Shirley!
We had a meeting
in Rosie's Cadillac.
Yeah, these two guys
broke my antenna.
We thought it would go higher.
Yeah, if you're so rich,
how come you don't
have a longer aerial?
Anyway, we figured
we'd still give you a party.
Yeah, so let's have a party!
Whoo-hoo!
Well, I guess
this will show you.
Show me what? I told you so.
You did not tell me.
How did you know?
How did I know? How
did you know that?
♪ Just what makes
that little ol' ant ♪
♪ Think he can move
that rubber tree plant? ♪
♪ Ooh! Anyone
knows an ant can't ♪
♪ Move a rubber tree plant ♪
♪ But he's got high hopes ♪
♪ He's got high hopes ♪
♪ He's got high
apple-pie-in-the-sky hopes ♪
♪ So any time
you're feeling low ♪
♪ 'Stead of letting go,
just remember that ant... ♪
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪