Laverne & Shirley (1976–1983): Season 1, Episode 8 - One Flew Over Milwaukee - full transcript
♪ One, two, three, four ♪
♪ Five, six, seven, eight ♪
♪ Schlemiel, Schlimazel ♪
♪ Hasenpfeffer, Incorporated ♪
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ Give us any chance ♪
♪ We'll take it ♪
♪ Read us any rule ♪
♪ We'll break it ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doing it our way ♪
♪ Nothing's gonna
turn us back now ♪
♪ Straight ahead
and on the track now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doing it our way ♪
♪ There is nothing
we won't try ♪
♪ Never heard the
word "impossible" ♪
♪ This time, there's
no stopping us ♪
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪
Laverne and Shirley is filmed
before a studio audience.
( horn blaring)
It's your turn to cook
tonight, Laverne.
I cooked last time, Shirl.
Opening a can is not cooking.
Okay, okay, I'll make lasagna.
You cook, I shop.
That's fair.
Hi, Pop.
I'm sorry I interrupted
your dinner.
Yes. I just wanted to know
how much oregano
do I put in lasagna?
Well, how much
is "not too much"?
What do you mean, if I
was married, I'd know?
Thanks. Good night.
Hi, Laverne.
Mmm. What took you so long?
Where's the oregano?
Oregano? I forgot the oregano.
Shirl, I sent you
out for oregano.
What'd you get?
A canary.
You couldn't remember
oregano so you got a canary?
Yes. He's the sweetest thing,
Laverne, wait till you see him.
Don't unpack him. I
don't want to see him.
I know how you feel, Laverne,
but I had to do it.
You didn't have to do it.
Yes, I did.
I was on my way
into the grocery store
when this little old coal
miner from Pittsburgh
came up to me.
She talks to
everybody in the street.
And this is his canary: Duane.
You broke your promise, Shirl;
no more pets.
It's just a little
canary, Laverne.
I got nothing against birds.
I love birds. I
love all animals.
I would have a pet
if it wasn't for you.
Shirl, you get
emotionally attached,
and then you get crazy.
Now, take him back.
I can't take him back, Laverne.
The coal miner told me
I'm Duane's last chance.
Duane has had a hard life.
I suppose he was
a coal miner, too?
Yes. Yes, he was,
as a matter of fact,
in his own little
way, of course.
Every day the men would
go down into the mine
and take Duane with them.
If any gas at all
leaked into the mines,
the men would know immediately
because Duane would drop dead.
And you thought bottle
capping was a bad job.
Last week, Laverne,
Duane passed the
age of retirement.
They were taking
him to the taxidermist.
He was going to end
up on some lady's hat.
So, you see, I
saved Duane's life.
This is the story
the miner told you?
Yes, yes. I wouldn't
make up anything like that.
This miner, he
gave you the bird?
Yes, he gave me the bird.
He just wanted him
to have a good home.
What's in the sack, Shirl?
Ah! Accessories:
two pounds of bird
seed, little birdie mirror,
little watering trough,
a little, uh, trough again...
How much did it cost, Shirl?
$14. A little ball...
They were right.
There's a Shirley
Feeney born every minute.
Look in this box and
tell me what you see.
You want to know what I
see when I look in here?
I see nature and song.
I see beauty in flight...
I see bird stuff on newspaper.
Get rid of him, Shirl. Now.
I hadn't wanted to
tell you this, Laverne,
because I didn't
want to upset you.
Duane is a very sick bird.
He has bronchitis.
Bronchitis.
He wheezes when he whistles.
He needs constant
love and attention.
The next 48 hours
will be crucial.
Shirl, are you going
to start taking off work
like you did when you thought
your pet hamster had a headache?
Ah. My pet hamster
did have a headache.
He didn't have a
headache, Shirl!
Yes, he did have a headache,
and this is an entirely
different situation.
I promise you,
I will not get crazy
about the bird.
I promise, Laverne.
Please. He's sick.
Bronchitis?
Yes.
How could I say
no to bronchitis?
All right.
Now I got to go out
and get oregano.
Duane and I will stay
here and stir the sauce.
I send her out for oregano,
she comes back with a canary.
If I sent her out for paprika,
she'd come back with a duck.
( sighs)
Just one thing, Duane.
No matter what she
says, don't listen.
She's the one who gave
my hamster the headache.
( clanking)
What are you doing up?
It's 3:00 in the morning, Shirl.
What's going on here?
I'm trying to lull
Duane to sleep.
By tapping on a rock?
He misses the mine.
I figured if I tap on this
rock, he'll go to sleep.
Couldn't you do that
in the living room, Shirl?
It's freezing cold
in the living room.
He has bronchitis, Vernie.
I'm going to get you a cover.
Shirl, don't we have double
dates tomorrow night?
Yeah? So what?
You know what I look like
when I don't get enough sleep.
My eyes get all red and
bloodshot and puffed up.
I'm going to have to
put a ton of Erase on.
I'm going to have sheet
wrinkles all over my body, Shirl,
Why are you doing this to me?
Laverne... I have a
confession to make.
Oh...
I'm trying to do this
to fulfill a promise
I made to Bubbles.
Bubbles? Is that a stripper?
No, a fish.
You made a promise
to a fish, Shirl?
It wasn't my fish.
It was my friend
Nancy Toon's fish.
Oh, another story
I have to listen to.
We were cleaning
out Nancy's fish tank
and Bubbles flipped
out onto the floor.
I accidentally
stepped on Bubbles
and Bubbles and I slid
halfway across the room.
( laughs)
It's not funny, Laverne.
I made a vow right then.
I took a life,
and now I'm
going to save a life.
He's not moving. He's dead!
Oh!
He was asleep. You
woke him up again.
Poor baby. He misses
the mines, you know.
Shirl, I am going to sleep now.
If you tap on that
rock once more,
I'm going to throw it at you.
Good night.
♪ You load 16 tons ♪
♪ And what do you get? ♪
♪ Another day older
and deeper in debt ♪
♪ Saint Peter, don't you
call me, 'cause I can't go ♪
♪ I owe my soul to
the company store ♪
♪ You load 16 tons
and what do you get? ♪
♪ Another day older
and deeper in debt ♪
♪ Saint Peter, don't you
call me 'cause I can't go ♪
♪ I owe my... ♪
Duane?
Duane?
Oh. I let him out
for a little exercise.
Oh.
Duane?!
Duane? Duane?!
Duane? Duane?!
Are you hiding?
This is no time to kid around.
Duane? Duane?
What would he do in a drawer?
Duane?
Look, Shirl, we
looked in the street.
We looked in the
snow. I climbed a tree.
We looked in the building
and we looked in the house.
Just face it, Shirl,
Duane is lost.
I can see that, Laverne.
I'm lying here staring
at an empty cage.
( knocking)
I'm not home.
You are home.
Now, pull yourself together.
Laverne... Who is it?
Big Carmine.
Hey, the Big Ragoo is here!
Hi, Carmine.
Hi. Look, I just dropped by
to tell you there's
going to be a little party
at the Pizza Bowl later.
Squiggy's throwing a real bash.
Squiggy? What's the occasion?
Lenny joined the Army.
Oh, yeah? When's he leaving?
Not that Army, the reserve Army.
It means you go
every other weekend.
Oh, it's better than nothing.
Squiggy's laying out
for the pizza and beer.
Squiggy!
Come on. Let's go dancing.
( humming)
How can you talk of
dancing at a time like this?
Oh, what's the
matter, Angel Face?
Her bird flew away.
Oh, flew away, huh?
Well, those things happen.
Look, I tell you what.
Why don't you come to the party?
It'll cheer you
up a little, huh?
I don't want to go to no party.
She's being sad.
I noticed. Look,
it'll be good for you.
Look, it's not every day that
Lenny Kosnowski throws a party.
Count me out. I
don't want to go.
Come here, Carmine.
Look, we got to do something
to get her out of
this depression.
She'll mope around
like this for months.
It's the same way she acted
when they took
off Amos and Andy.
Yeah. Yeah, that was sad.
I can't drag her to the party.
What can I do?
Just tell Lenny to
have his party here.
Talk him into it.
Maybe that'll cheer her up.
You got it. I'll be right back.
I'll see you later,
huh, Angel Face?
Come on, smile, will you?
Good news, Shirl!
We're having a party.
The whole gang's coming over.
They're putting Amos
and Andy back on.
Nothing. Nothing.
♪ If your sweetheart
sends a letter of good-bye ♪
♪ It's no secret
you'll feel better ♪
♪ If you cry... ♪
♪ So let your hair
down and go right on ♪
Shirl, are you ready
for the party yet?
♪ Baby, and cry... ♪
How do I look?
Terrific.
Except for your face.
Shirl,
a whole gang of people
are coming in here
just to cheer you up.
You're going to
bring them right down.
What?
Me ruin a party? Me?
Sunshine Shirley
Feeney ruin a party?
I have a way of hiding
my sorrow, Laverne.
I can put a twinkle
in these two eyes
at the snap of a finger.
Don't overdo it.
( knocking)
They're here, Shirl.
I'll get it.
Who is it?
The Big Ragoo! We're all here!
Open up! Hey!
Come on in.
Come on in and sit.
Put everything down there.
Come on in.
Put on some music, Laverne.
Carmine... let's dance.
You know, Shirl, I'm
really proud of you,
the way you pulled
yourself together.
Well, you know Carmine,
I'm really a fun person.
Nothing can depress me
once I put my mind to it.
Hello.
Give her that. Move
it over there. All right.
Okay, turn off the
record player, Laverne.
Shut up, ladies and gentlemen.
Shut up, ladies and
gentlemen. Shut up.
All right. Now, our guest
of honor has almost arrived.
Now, when he comes in, I
want you to all stand up straight,
and give him a big salute,
'cause now he's Private
Lenny Kosnowski, see?
Speech. Speech.
Thank you, thank you.
At ease and as you were.
We say that a lot.
Well, uh, you know,
I'm really not very good
at making speeches
but, well, I guess
that's all I wanted to say.
( all talking at once)
Who's your little friend, Lenny?
Hi. My name is Joanne,
and that's my friend, Delores.
Pleased to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
You got heavy coats.
Hey, Shirley, we're all
torn up about your bird.
SQUIGGY: Yeah,
yeah, that's too bad.
Hey, where's the pizza?
You know... it's my philosophy
that life is sometimes
very difficult,
but one just has to
make the best of it. Right?
Yeah.
Who are you?
I'm Delores. Oh.
Have a nice time, Delores.
Twinkle, Shirl... Oh, yes.
Hey, everybody, what
do you say we dance?
Oh, hey! You got it.
See, Vernie?
See, I'm having fun.
Me, too. Me, too.
Carmine, stop, stop.
The window flew open.
Oh, I'll get it.
No, no, no. It
blew open by itself.
Well, shut the dumb window.
You want me to catch ammonia?
No! No, don't close
those windows.
It's a sign.
Don't you know what it means?
Yes, we live in
a cheap building.
No. No, it means that
Duane is trying to come home.
Shirl, everybody
here is freezing.
Close the windows, will you?
Make my apologies to our guests.
I'm sorry, everybody,
but she's nuts.
Yeah? Well I ain't nuts.
Let's go.
Yeah, let's go back
to the Pizza Bowl.
Get our coats,
would you, Joanne?
We're going outside where
it's supposed to be cold.
SQUIGGY: Yeah, I got to
comb my hair with antifreeze.
Shirl, will you come
down from there?
You're going to freeze.
No. You go on with the
others. You have fun.
You sure? Yes.
Why is she doing this?
I don't know.
Shirl, what do you
expect me to do?
Stand in a cold room and
watch you sit on a radio?
No, you go have fun, too.
I will.
Shirl... I would really
like to understand
why you're doing this.
Could you possibly
explain it to me?
Well... Some people
believe in signs.
I'm one of them.
When the windows flew open,
I took it as a sign that
Duane was coming home.
That's impossible.
You don't think there's
one chance in a million
that he might be on
his way home right now,
and these windows
need to be open?
Okay, one chance in a million.
Then I got to
stay here, don't I?
No. Those are
rotten odds, Shirl.
I don't care, Laverne.
I'm sitting here until
he comes home.
You are the most
stubborn person I know.
From now on, just do
whatever you want to do.
I'm going to the Pizza Bowl.
Call me if Duane gets back.
Tweet, tweet.
Hi, Angel Face.
How you doing?
How was the party?
Oh, it was great. When I left,
Lenny was camouflaging
himself with anchovies.
But, uh, I really didn't
have a good time.
I-I kept thinking of you.
Are you okay?
I think I've lost the
feeling in my index finger.
Well, look, uh, it's
been four hours.
Maybe you should give up, huh?
No. He's coming back.
I have faith.
Well, look, uh, faith
is not going to keep you warm.
Now, will you be reasonable?
He's not coming back.
Can you get that into your head?
Look, I'll make you some coffee.
All right.
( chirping)
( whispering): Carmine. Carmine.
Look.
He's back.
Duane?
Poor little Duane's so cold.
Is that Duane?
Yes.
He came back.
Yes.
I don't believe it.
A girl sits by a window,
and her bird comes back.
That's got to be a miracle.
Shirl! You're a snow saint!
Don't you understand?
It's a miracle!
♪ Ave Maria... ♪
Carmine, calm down.
You're frightening the bird.
I got a little excited.
Don't you understand?
Duane's back.
You're going in.
Now, look, uh,
will you go inside
and get those wet clothes off
before you catch your
death of pneumonia?
Come on, go ahead,
I'll take care of the bird.
( bird singing)
So, uh, so you're Duane, huh?
Where you been,
you little devil?
Go for a little
rendezvous, huh? Huh?
Come on, talk to me.
Come on. What's the
matter, cat got your tongue?
Hey, Laverne!
You missed it.
Little Duane's back.
I wouldn't have believed it
if I hadn't seen it
with my own eyes.
It was amazing!
It's not that amazing, Carmine.
What do you mean,
it's not amazing?
You mean it wasn't a miracle?
It's not even Duane.
I went to the store
and I bought a canary,
and I stood outside and
threw it at the window.
Four times, till it got in.
You didn't.
You gonna tell Shirley?
Of course not.
She'd go back to
sitting on the radio.
It's better this
way. She's happy.
And all the time I
thought it was a miracle.
I was going to get a
statue for my dashboard.
Hey, Shirl, I heard
what happened!
Isn't it fantastic?!
Duane's back, and it's
all 'cause you had faith.
Yeah.
Strangest thing, though.
I remember Duane being a
lot more yellow than this bird.
Oh, well, he's
been through a lot.
There's a blizzard outside.
It would turn
anyone a little whiter.
Yeah.
And Duane's tail feathers,
they didn't seem
quite as long as these.
He's a growing bird, Shirl.
Right.
This isn't Duane.
How'd you get him through
the window, Laverne?
Wasn't easy. I had to toss him.
When did you know?
It took me a minute.
Then why didn't you say
something to Carmine?
Oh, he was so excited
about the miracle.
He's probably out now buying
a statue for his dashboard.
Aw... So what are
you going to do now?
You going to go
back on that radio?
No.
The idea of you doing what you
had to do for me made me think
that maybe this
time... just maybe...
I went one step too far.
Hey, Shirl, you're...
just not the type
to have pets, that's all.
Oh, sure I am. I... I just
have to accept the fact
that along with the happy
times, there'll be sad times.
You know... I kind
of like this bird.
We spent a lot of
time together outside.
And, if Duane does come back,
he'll have a little friend.
You think that's an
omen from Duane?
No. I think it's a
cheap building.
That's the way, Shirl.
( singing)
Uh, uh, he stopped chirping.
Well, get him off
the Ferris wheel.
I think he's getting nauseous.
( loud knocking)
Who is it?
FRANK: It's me!
"It's me." It's my father.
What are you doing around here?
Oh, I know. You were up
to see Mrs. Leiderhouse
on the second
floor again, right?
So what if I did?
Maybe she doesn't vo-de-o-do-do,
but her TV gets good reception.
I think it's sweet.
So do I. I think
it's sweet, too.
Well, I got to go now.
She's warming up her TV set.
What have you got there, Pop?
Oh. Here's a bird.
Mrs. Leiderhouse
says it's Shirley's.
Duane? Mrs.
Leiderhouse found Duane?
Yeah, it flew
right in to the door
and landed right on the couch.
She almost sat on him.
Would have killed him.
I mean, she's you know, cute,
but a little heavy,
a little... she's fat.
Shirl.
Oh.
It's a miracle!
It's a miracle! No. No.
It's good luck. It's good luck!
Right.
Now we each have a bird.
Duane... and Eddy.
Eddy.
I got a bird.
( birds singing)
Well, I'll talk to him,
give him a little
sunflower seeds...
Why don't you give
him a little water?
I'11 give him water.
Now, fellows, no
matter what she says,
the three of us
know it was a miracle.
( theme music plays)
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪
♪ Five, six, seven, eight ♪
♪ Schlemiel, Schlimazel ♪
♪ Hasenpfeffer, Incorporated ♪
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ Give us any chance ♪
♪ We'll take it ♪
♪ Read us any rule ♪
♪ We'll break it ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doing it our way ♪
♪ Nothing's gonna
turn us back now ♪
♪ Straight ahead
and on the track now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doing it our way ♪
♪ There is nothing
we won't try ♪
♪ Never heard the
word "impossible" ♪
♪ This time, there's
no stopping us ♪
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪
Laverne and Shirley is filmed
before a studio audience.
( horn blaring)
It's your turn to cook
tonight, Laverne.
I cooked last time, Shirl.
Opening a can is not cooking.
Okay, okay, I'll make lasagna.
You cook, I shop.
That's fair.
Hi, Pop.
I'm sorry I interrupted
your dinner.
Yes. I just wanted to know
how much oregano
do I put in lasagna?
Well, how much
is "not too much"?
What do you mean, if I
was married, I'd know?
Thanks. Good night.
Hi, Laverne.
Mmm. What took you so long?
Where's the oregano?
Oregano? I forgot the oregano.
Shirl, I sent you
out for oregano.
What'd you get?
A canary.
You couldn't remember
oregano so you got a canary?
Yes. He's the sweetest thing,
Laverne, wait till you see him.
Don't unpack him. I
don't want to see him.
I know how you feel, Laverne,
but I had to do it.
You didn't have to do it.
Yes, I did.
I was on my way
into the grocery store
when this little old coal
miner from Pittsburgh
came up to me.
She talks to
everybody in the street.
And this is his canary: Duane.
You broke your promise, Shirl;
no more pets.
It's just a little
canary, Laverne.
I got nothing against birds.
I love birds. I
love all animals.
I would have a pet
if it wasn't for you.
Shirl, you get
emotionally attached,
and then you get crazy.
Now, take him back.
I can't take him back, Laverne.
The coal miner told me
I'm Duane's last chance.
Duane has had a hard life.
I suppose he was
a coal miner, too?
Yes. Yes, he was,
as a matter of fact,
in his own little
way, of course.
Every day the men would
go down into the mine
and take Duane with them.
If any gas at all
leaked into the mines,
the men would know immediately
because Duane would drop dead.
And you thought bottle
capping was a bad job.
Last week, Laverne,
Duane passed the
age of retirement.
They were taking
him to the taxidermist.
He was going to end
up on some lady's hat.
So, you see, I
saved Duane's life.
This is the story
the miner told you?
Yes, yes. I wouldn't
make up anything like that.
This miner, he
gave you the bird?
Yes, he gave me the bird.
He just wanted him
to have a good home.
What's in the sack, Shirl?
Ah! Accessories:
two pounds of bird
seed, little birdie mirror,
little watering trough,
a little, uh, trough again...
How much did it cost, Shirl?
$14. A little ball...
They were right.
There's a Shirley
Feeney born every minute.
Look in this box and
tell me what you see.
You want to know what I
see when I look in here?
I see nature and song.
I see beauty in flight...
I see bird stuff on newspaper.
Get rid of him, Shirl. Now.
I hadn't wanted to
tell you this, Laverne,
because I didn't
want to upset you.
Duane is a very sick bird.
He has bronchitis.
Bronchitis.
He wheezes when he whistles.
He needs constant
love and attention.
The next 48 hours
will be crucial.
Shirl, are you going
to start taking off work
like you did when you thought
your pet hamster had a headache?
Ah. My pet hamster
did have a headache.
He didn't have a
headache, Shirl!
Yes, he did have a headache,
and this is an entirely
different situation.
I promise you,
I will not get crazy
about the bird.
I promise, Laverne.
Please. He's sick.
Bronchitis?
Yes.
How could I say
no to bronchitis?
All right.
Now I got to go out
and get oregano.
Duane and I will stay
here and stir the sauce.
I send her out for oregano,
she comes back with a canary.
If I sent her out for paprika,
she'd come back with a duck.
( sighs)
Just one thing, Duane.
No matter what she
says, don't listen.
She's the one who gave
my hamster the headache.
( clanking)
What are you doing up?
It's 3:00 in the morning, Shirl.
What's going on here?
I'm trying to lull
Duane to sleep.
By tapping on a rock?
He misses the mine.
I figured if I tap on this
rock, he'll go to sleep.
Couldn't you do that
in the living room, Shirl?
It's freezing cold
in the living room.
He has bronchitis, Vernie.
I'm going to get you a cover.
Shirl, don't we have double
dates tomorrow night?
Yeah? So what?
You know what I look like
when I don't get enough sleep.
My eyes get all red and
bloodshot and puffed up.
I'm going to have to
put a ton of Erase on.
I'm going to have sheet
wrinkles all over my body, Shirl,
Why are you doing this to me?
Laverne... I have a
confession to make.
Oh...
I'm trying to do this
to fulfill a promise
I made to Bubbles.
Bubbles? Is that a stripper?
No, a fish.
You made a promise
to a fish, Shirl?
It wasn't my fish.
It was my friend
Nancy Toon's fish.
Oh, another story
I have to listen to.
We were cleaning
out Nancy's fish tank
and Bubbles flipped
out onto the floor.
I accidentally
stepped on Bubbles
and Bubbles and I slid
halfway across the room.
( laughs)
It's not funny, Laverne.
I made a vow right then.
I took a life,
and now I'm
going to save a life.
He's not moving. He's dead!
Oh!
He was asleep. You
woke him up again.
Poor baby. He misses
the mines, you know.
Shirl, I am going to sleep now.
If you tap on that
rock once more,
I'm going to throw it at you.
Good night.
♪ You load 16 tons ♪
♪ And what do you get? ♪
♪ Another day older
and deeper in debt ♪
♪ Saint Peter, don't you
call me, 'cause I can't go ♪
♪ I owe my soul to
the company store ♪
♪ You load 16 tons
and what do you get? ♪
♪ Another day older
and deeper in debt ♪
♪ Saint Peter, don't you
call me 'cause I can't go ♪
♪ I owe my... ♪
Duane?
Duane?
Oh. I let him out
for a little exercise.
Oh.
Duane?!
Duane? Duane?!
Duane? Duane?!
Are you hiding?
This is no time to kid around.
Duane? Duane?
What would he do in a drawer?
Duane?
Look, Shirl, we
looked in the street.
We looked in the
snow. I climbed a tree.
We looked in the building
and we looked in the house.
Just face it, Shirl,
Duane is lost.
I can see that, Laverne.
I'm lying here staring
at an empty cage.
( knocking)
I'm not home.
You are home.
Now, pull yourself together.
Laverne... Who is it?
Big Carmine.
Hey, the Big Ragoo is here!
Hi, Carmine.
Hi. Look, I just dropped by
to tell you there's
going to be a little party
at the Pizza Bowl later.
Squiggy's throwing a real bash.
Squiggy? What's the occasion?
Lenny joined the Army.
Oh, yeah? When's he leaving?
Not that Army, the reserve Army.
It means you go
every other weekend.
Oh, it's better than nothing.
Squiggy's laying out
for the pizza and beer.
Squiggy!
Come on. Let's go dancing.
( humming)
How can you talk of
dancing at a time like this?
Oh, what's the
matter, Angel Face?
Her bird flew away.
Oh, flew away, huh?
Well, those things happen.
Look, I tell you what.
Why don't you come to the party?
It'll cheer you
up a little, huh?
I don't want to go to no party.
She's being sad.
I noticed. Look,
it'll be good for you.
Look, it's not every day that
Lenny Kosnowski throws a party.
Count me out. I
don't want to go.
Come here, Carmine.
Look, we got to do something
to get her out of
this depression.
She'll mope around
like this for months.
It's the same way she acted
when they took
off Amos and Andy.
Yeah. Yeah, that was sad.
I can't drag her to the party.
What can I do?
Just tell Lenny to
have his party here.
Talk him into it.
Maybe that'll cheer her up.
You got it. I'll be right back.
I'll see you later,
huh, Angel Face?
Come on, smile, will you?
Good news, Shirl!
We're having a party.
The whole gang's coming over.
They're putting Amos
and Andy back on.
Nothing. Nothing.
♪ If your sweetheart
sends a letter of good-bye ♪
♪ It's no secret
you'll feel better ♪
♪ If you cry... ♪
♪ So let your hair
down and go right on ♪
Shirl, are you ready
for the party yet?
♪ Baby, and cry... ♪
How do I look?
Terrific.
Except for your face.
Shirl,
a whole gang of people
are coming in here
just to cheer you up.
You're going to
bring them right down.
What?
Me ruin a party? Me?
Sunshine Shirley
Feeney ruin a party?
I have a way of hiding
my sorrow, Laverne.
I can put a twinkle
in these two eyes
at the snap of a finger.
Don't overdo it.
( knocking)
They're here, Shirl.
I'll get it.
Who is it?
The Big Ragoo! We're all here!
Open up! Hey!
Come on in.
Come on in and sit.
Put everything down there.
Come on in.
Put on some music, Laverne.
Carmine... let's dance.
You know, Shirl, I'm
really proud of you,
the way you pulled
yourself together.
Well, you know Carmine,
I'm really a fun person.
Nothing can depress me
once I put my mind to it.
Hello.
Give her that. Move
it over there. All right.
Okay, turn off the
record player, Laverne.
Shut up, ladies and gentlemen.
Shut up, ladies and
gentlemen. Shut up.
All right. Now, our guest
of honor has almost arrived.
Now, when he comes in, I
want you to all stand up straight,
and give him a big salute,
'cause now he's Private
Lenny Kosnowski, see?
Speech. Speech.
Thank you, thank you.
At ease and as you were.
We say that a lot.
Well, uh, you know,
I'm really not very good
at making speeches
but, well, I guess
that's all I wanted to say.
( all talking at once)
Who's your little friend, Lenny?
Hi. My name is Joanne,
and that's my friend, Delores.
Pleased to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
You got heavy coats.
Hey, Shirley, we're all
torn up about your bird.
SQUIGGY: Yeah,
yeah, that's too bad.
Hey, where's the pizza?
You know... it's my philosophy
that life is sometimes
very difficult,
but one just has to
make the best of it. Right?
Yeah.
Who are you?
I'm Delores. Oh.
Have a nice time, Delores.
Twinkle, Shirl... Oh, yes.
Hey, everybody, what
do you say we dance?
Oh, hey! You got it.
See, Vernie?
See, I'm having fun.
Me, too. Me, too.
Carmine, stop, stop.
The window flew open.
Oh, I'll get it.
No, no, no. It
blew open by itself.
Well, shut the dumb window.
You want me to catch ammonia?
No! No, don't close
those windows.
It's a sign.
Don't you know what it means?
Yes, we live in
a cheap building.
No. No, it means that
Duane is trying to come home.
Shirl, everybody
here is freezing.
Close the windows, will you?
Make my apologies to our guests.
I'm sorry, everybody,
but she's nuts.
Yeah? Well I ain't nuts.
Let's go.
Yeah, let's go back
to the Pizza Bowl.
Get our coats,
would you, Joanne?
We're going outside where
it's supposed to be cold.
SQUIGGY: Yeah, I got to
comb my hair with antifreeze.
Shirl, will you come
down from there?
You're going to freeze.
No. You go on with the
others. You have fun.
You sure? Yes.
Why is she doing this?
I don't know.
Shirl, what do you
expect me to do?
Stand in a cold room and
watch you sit on a radio?
No, you go have fun, too.
I will.
Shirl... I would really
like to understand
why you're doing this.
Could you possibly
explain it to me?
Well... Some people
believe in signs.
I'm one of them.
When the windows flew open,
I took it as a sign that
Duane was coming home.
That's impossible.
You don't think there's
one chance in a million
that he might be on
his way home right now,
and these windows
need to be open?
Okay, one chance in a million.
Then I got to
stay here, don't I?
No. Those are
rotten odds, Shirl.
I don't care, Laverne.
I'm sitting here until
he comes home.
You are the most
stubborn person I know.
From now on, just do
whatever you want to do.
I'm going to the Pizza Bowl.
Call me if Duane gets back.
Tweet, tweet.
Hi, Angel Face.
How you doing?
How was the party?
Oh, it was great. When I left,
Lenny was camouflaging
himself with anchovies.
But, uh, I really didn't
have a good time.
I-I kept thinking of you.
Are you okay?
I think I've lost the
feeling in my index finger.
Well, look, uh, it's
been four hours.
Maybe you should give up, huh?
No. He's coming back.
I have faith.
Well, look, uh, faith
is not going to keep you warm.
Now, will you be reasonable?
He's not coming back.
Can you get that into your head?
Look, I'll make you some coffee.
All right.
( chirping)
( whispering): Carmine. Carmine.
Look.
He's back.
Duane?
Poor little Duane's so cold.
Is that Duane?
Yes.
He came back.
Yes.
I don't believe it.
A girl sits by a window,
and her bird comes back.
That's got to be a miracle.
Shirl! You're a snow saint!
Don't you understand?
It's a miracle!
♪ Ave Maria... ♪
Carmine, calm down.
You're frightening the bird.
I got a little excited.
Don't you understand?
Duane's back.
You're going in.
Now, look, uh,
will you go inside
and get those wet clothes off
before you catch your
death of pneumonia?
Come on, go ahead,
I'll take care of the bird.
( bird singing)
So, uh, so you're Duane, huh?
Where you been,
you little devil?
Go for a little
rendezvous, huh? Huh?
Come on, talk to me.
Come on. What's the
matter, cat got your tongue?
Hey, Laverne!
You missed it.
Little Duane's back.
I wouldn't have believed it
if I hadn't seen it
with my own eyes.
It was amazing!
It's not that amazing, Carmine.
What do you mean,
it's not amazing?
You mean it wasn't a miracle?
It's not even Duane.
I went to the store
and I bought a canary,
and I stood outside and
threw it at the window.
Four times, till it got in.
You didn't.
You gonna tell Shirley?
Of course not.
She'd go back to
sitting on the radio.
It's better this
way. She's happy.
And all the time I
thought it was a miracle.
I was going to get a
statue for my dashboard.
Hey, Shirl, I heard
what happened!
Isn't it fantastic?!
Duane's back, and it's
all 'cause you had faith.
Yeah.
Strangest thing, though.
I remember Duane being a
lot more yellow than this bird.
Oh, well, he's
been through a lot.
There's a blizzard outside.
It would turn
anyone a little whiter.
Yeah.
And Duane's tail feathers,
they didn't seem
quite as long as these.
He's a growing bird, Shirl.
Right.
This isn't Duane.
How'd you get him through
the window, Laverne?
Wasn't easy. I had to toss him.
When did you know?
It took me a minute.
Then why didn't you say
something to Carmine?
Oh, he was so excited
about the miracle.
He's probably out now buying
a statue for his dashboard.
Aw... So what are
you going to do now?
You going to go
back on that radio?
No.
The idea of you doing what you
had to do for me made me think
that maybe this
time... just maybe...
I went one step too far.
Hey, Shirl, you're...
just not the type
to have pets, that's all.
Oh, sure I am. I... I just
have to accept the fact
that along with the happy
times, there'll be sad times.
You know... I kind
of like this bird.
We spent a lot of
time together outside.
And, if Duane does come back,
he'll have a little friend.
You think that's an
omen from Duane?
No. I think it's a
cheap building.
That's the way, Shirl.
( singing)
Uh, uh, he stopped chirping.
Well, get him off
the Ferris wheel.
I think he's getting nauseous.
( loud knocking)
Who is it?
FRANK: It's me!
"It's me." It's my father.
What are you doing around here?
Oh, I know. You were up
to see Mrs. Leiderhouse
on the second
floor again, right?
So what if I did?
Maybe she doesn't vo-de-o-do-do,
but her TV gets good reception.
I think it's sweet.
So do I. I think
it's sweet, too.
Well, I got to go now.
She's warming up her TV set.
What have you got there, Pop?
Oh. Here's a bird.
Mrs. Leiderhouse
says it's Shirley's.
Duane? Mrs.
Leiderhouse found Duane?
Yeah, it flew
right in to the door
and landed right on the couch.
She almost sat on him.
Would have killed him.
I mean, she's you know, cute,
but a little heavy,
a little... she's fat.
Shirl.
Oh.
It's a miracle!
It's a miracle! No. No.
It's good luck. It's good luck!
Right.
Now we each have a bird.
Duane... and Eddy.
Eddy.
I got a bird.
( birds singing)
Well, I'll talk to him,
give him a little
sunflower seeds...
Why don't you give
him a little water?
I'11 give him water.
Now, fellows, no
matter what she says,
the three of us
know it was a miracle.
( theme music plays)
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪