Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (2014–…): Season 8, Episode 1 - Episode #8.1 - full transcript
Fixed & Synced by Blackwee
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>> John: HI THERE!
WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
WE'RE BACK!
STILL, UNFORTUNATELY,
IN THIS BLANK VOID.
I HAD HOPED WE'D BE OUT BY NOW,
BUT INSTEAD, I'M STILL STUCK
IN THE BLANKEST EXPANSE ON
TELEVISION, ASIDE FROM THE EYES
OF ROMAIN FROM "SELLING SUNSET."
THERE'S JUST NOTHING THERE.
WE'VE BEEN OFF SINCE NOVEMBER,
AND CLEARLY, A LOT HAS HAPPENED
SINCE THEN.
THE VACCINE ROLLOUT BEGAN.
WALL STREET WAS THROWN INTO
A FRENZY OVER GAMESTOP,
AND FOR A WEEK, EVERYONE GOT
REALLY INTO SEA SHANTIES.
IT'S BEEN A WEIRD TIME.
BUT WE HAVE TO START TONIGHT
WITH THE IMPEACHMENT TRIAL
THAT TOOK PLACE THIS WEEK.
DEMOCRATS PUT ON A COMPELLING,
FORENSIC CASE ABOUT
TRUMP'S CLEAR ROLE AS
INSTIGATOR OF THE JANUARY 6th
RIOTS.
AND IN RESPONSE, TRUMP'S
ATTORNEYS MOUNTED A DEFENSE
THAT COULD CHARITABLY BE
CHARACTERIZED AS "INCOHERENT,"
WITH LOWLIGHTS RANGING FROM
ONE ATTORNEY REMINISCING ABOUT
HIS CHILDHOOD RECORD COLLECTION,
TO ANOTHER SUBJECTING THE SENATE
TO AN 11 MINUTE VIDEO OF
DEMOCRATS SIMPLY USING
THE WORD "FIGHT."
IT MIGHT HAVE SEEMED THAT THEY
WEREN'T TRYING VERY HARD,
BUT THAT MIGHT BE BECAUSE THEY
DIDN'T REALLY HAVE TO.
TED CRUZ EVEN MET WITH TRUMP'S
LAWYERS, WHILE THE CASE WAS
STILL GOING ON, AND TOLD THEM
THIS:
>> I SAID, "LOOK, YOU GOT --
YOU GOTTA REMEMBER YOU'VE
ALREADY WON."
THERE ARE NOT 67 VOTES
TO CONVICT.
THERE -- THERE ARE 55 VOTES
TO CONVICT, PLUS-MINUS TWO.
>> John: AND THE THING IS,
HE WAS RIGHT.
AND WHAT A TRULY INSPIRING
GLIMPSE THAT IS INTO THE WORLD'S
MOST DELIBERATIVE BODY.
"I SAID TO THEM, YOU GOTTA
REMEMBER: THE OUTCOME'S
PREDETERMINED, NOTHING MEANS
ANYTHING, AND THIS ENTIRE
PROCESS IS A COMPLETE CHARADE.
NOW, HANDS IN, EVERYONE:
DEAD EYES, EMPTY HEARTS,
TED CRUZ."
AND THE FACT THE REPUBLICANS
WERE GOING TO ACQUIT
THE FORMER PRESIDENT NO MATTER
WHAT IS A PRETTY DEPRESSING SIGN
OF JUST HOW DEEP TRUMPISM RUNS
IN THEIR PARTY.
BUT NOT JUST AT THE
NATIONAL LEVEL.
IN MANY WAYS, AT THE STATE
LEVEL, IT'S EVEN WORSE.
MORE THAN A DOZEN STATE
LEGISLATORS ACTUALLY
PARTICIPATED IN THE
"STOP THE STEAL" RALLY
PRECEDING THE RIOTS, AND ONE OF
THEM EVEN MADE IT INSIDE.
DERRICK EVANS, A NEWLY-ELECTED
WEST VIRGINIA STATE LEGISLATOR,
AND CHIPMUNK FRAT PLEDGE,
WAS EVENTUALLY ARRESTED.
AND WHILE HE MAINTAINED THAT
HE WAS ONLY IN THE CAPITOL AS AN
INDEPENDENT MEMBER OF THE MEDIA
TO FILM HISTORY, THE HISTORY
HE FILMED TOLD A VERY DIFFERENT
STORY.
>> TRUMP!
TRUMP!
WHOO!
WE'RE IN!
WE'RE IN!
DERRICK EVANS IS IN THE CAPITOL!
>> John: NOW, EVERYTHING ABOUT
THAT IS AWFUL.
FROM THE FACT THAT A STATE
LAWMAKER PARTICIPATED
IN A DEADLY INSURRECTION,
TO THE FACT HE WAS STUPID ENOUGH
TO BROADCAST HIMSELF DOING IT,
TO HIM EXCITEDLY TALKING ABOUT
HIMSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON LIKE
SOME KIND OF ALT-RIGHT ELMO.
AND WHILE EVANS HAS SINCE
RESIGNED, HE'S JUST THE TIP OF
THE ICEBERG WHEN IT COMES TO
EXTREME BEHAVIOR IN STATE
REPUBLICAN PARTIES.
OREGON'S STATE G.O.P. PUT OUT
A STATEMENT CLAIMING THE RIOTS
WERE A "FALSE FLAG OPERATION
DESIGNED TO DISCREDIT
PRESIDENT TRUMP."
AND MICHIGAN'S TOP ELECTED
REPUBLICAN WAS CAUGHT ON TAPE
SPEWING DANGEROUS CONSPIRACIES
LIKE THIS:
>> SENATE MAJORITY LEADER
MIKE SHIRKEY IN HIS OWN WORDS
TALKING ABOUT THE DEADLY
JANUARY 6TH CAPITOL RIOTS,
SAYING IT WAS PREARRANGED, AND
THAT IT WASN'T TRUMP'S PEOPLE.
>> THAT'S BEEN A HOAX FROM DAY
ONE.
THAT WAS ALL PREARRANGED.
THAT WAS ALL ARRANGED BY
SOMEBODY THAT WAS FUNDING IT.
>> John: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT, SHIRKEY?
TO THE EXTENT JANUARY 6TH WAS
"PREARRANGED" BY ANYONE,
IT WAS CLEARLY BY TRUMP, AS HE
REPEATEDLY TWEETED THINGS
LIKE, "BIG PROTEST IN D.C.
ON JANUARY 6TH...
BE THERE, WILL BE WILD!"
WHICH, TO BE FAIR, WAS ONE OF
THOSE OCCASIONS WHERE HE TURNED
OUT TO BE COMPLETELY RIGHT.
AND I KNOW THAT MAN LOOKS LIKE
HE ANSWERS THE QUESTION,
"WHAT IF STEVE MARTIN WAS
AWFUL?," BUT THE FACT IS,
HE'S THE MAJORITY LEADER OF
THE MICHIGAN SENATE.
HE HAS REAL POWER.
THEN THERE'S ARIZONA, WHERE
THEIR REPUBLICAN PARTY CENSURED
THREE PEOPLE -- INCLUDING THEIR
GOVERNOR AND CINDY McCAIN --
FOR NOT SUFFICIENTLY SUPPORTING
TRUMP.
AND IN EARLY DECEMBER, DID THIS:
>> USING THE "STOP THE STEAL"
SLOGAN, A TRUMP SUPPORTER
WRITES, "I AM WILLING TO GIVE
MY LIFE FOR THIS FIGHT."
THE STATE REPUBLICAN PARTY
RESPONDS, "HE IS.
ARE YOU?"
THEN THE OFFICIAL PARTY DOUBLES
DOWN, TWEETING OVERNIGHT A CLIP
FROM "RAMBO" AND THE QUOTE,
"THIS IS WHAT WE DO, WHO WE ARE.
LIVE FOR NOTHING, OR DIE FOR
SOMETHING."
>> John: OKAY, ASIDE FROM BEING
COMPLETELY TERRIFYING, THAT
QUOTE IS FROM THE 2008 "RAMBO"
MOVIE -- AT THAT POINT, THE
WORST "RAMBO" MOVIE, UNTIL THEY
MADE ANOTHER ONE.
I'M JUST SAYING, IF YOU
ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO QUOTE
STALLONE, THERE ARE SO MANY
BETTER OPTIONS.
THEY COULD HAVE GONE WITH,
"TO SURVIVE A WAR, YOU GOTTA
BECOME WAR," FROM
"RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II."
OR "THIS CHILDISH GAME WILL SOON
BE OVER.
AND THEN THE REAL GAME WILL
BEGIN," FROM "SPY KIDS 3D:
GAME OVER."
OR EVEN THIS ACTUAL STALLONE
TWEET: "EVERYONE SHOULD TRY
PAINTING!
GET STROKING!"
I MEAN, SURE, IT DOESN'T MAKE
MUCH SENSE, BUT AT LEAST IT'S
NOT LIKELY TO LEAD TO PEOPLE
GETTING KILLED.
AND IT'S NOT JUST PARTY
OFFICIALS.
REPUBLICAN SENATORS IN ARIZONA
HAVE TRIED, AMONG OTHER
THINGS, TO HOLD THE MARICOPA
COUNTY BOARD OF SUPERVISORS
IN CONTEMPT FOR REFUSING TO TURN
OVER VOTING MACHINES AND BALLOTS
FOR INSPECTION.
AND ONE LAWMAKER INTRODUCED THIS
PARTICULARLY EXTREME BILL:
>> UNDER HOUSE BILL 27-20,
THE LEGISLATURE COULD REVOKE
THE SECRETARY OF STATE'S
CERTIFICATION OF THE ELECTION,
AND APPOINT MEMBERS TO THE
ELECTORAL COLLEGE THAT IT WANTS.
HAD THIS BEEN THE LAW IN
NOVEMBER, THE G.O.P.-LED
LEGISLATURE COULD HAVE GIVEN
THE STATE'S 11 ELECTORAL COLLEGE
VOTES TO FORMER PRESIDENT
DONALD TRUMP.
THIS MORNING, SECRETARY OF STATE
KATIE HOBBS APPEARED ON "GOOD
MORNING ARIZONA" TO SAY THIS.
>> WHY NOT JUST DO AWAY WITH
ELECTIONS ALTOGETHER, AND JUST
HAVE THE LEGISLATURE PICK ALL OF
OUR ELECTED OFFICIALS?
THAT -- THAT WAS SARCASM.
YEAH, THIS LEGISLATION IS
LUDICROUS.
>> John: OKAY, I DO TAKE YOUR
POINT THERE, BUT HAVING TO
EXPLAIN SOMETHING YOU JUST SAID
WAS SARCASTIC IS NEVER IDEAL.
IT KIND OF ROBS THE SARCASM OF
ITS BITE.
NEXT TIME, WHY NOT JUST USE
A SARCASM ALERT HORN?
THAT WAY, THE HORN DOES ALL THE
WORK FOR YOU.
ALTHOUGH I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M
TELLING YOU THIS.
YOU'RE CLEARLY SO GOOD AT
SARCASM.
[HORN HONKS]
SEE?
IT WORKS.
BUT THAT BILL ACTUALLY POINTS TO
A MUCH LARGER ISSUE HERE:
REPUBLICAN LEGISLATURES ACROSS
THE COUNTRY HAVE RESPONDED TO
WHAT'S BEEN CALLED "THE MOST
SECURE ELECTION IN U.S. HISTORY"
BY PUSHING NEW LAWS TO MAKE
VOTING SIGNIFICANTLY MORE
DIFFICULT.
IN ARIZONA, THEY'VE PUT FORWARD
19 BILLS TO RESTRICT VOTING
RIGHTS.
AND NATIONWIDE, 33 STATES ARE
CONSIDERING OVER 165 RESTRICTIVE
BILLS, JUST THIS YEAR.
NOW LUCKILY, THERE IS CURRENTLY
LEGISLATION IN CONGRESS -- HR1
AND THE JOHN LEWIS VOTING RIGHTS
ADVANCEMENT ACT -- THAT COULD
HELP CURB STATE-LEVEL ATTEMPTS
AT VOTER SUPPRESSION.
UNFORTUNATELY, THE BEST SHOT
THOSE BILLS HAVE AT GETTING
ENACTED IS IF DEMOCRATS
END THE FILIBUSTER.
AND TO DO THAT, EVERY SENATE
DEMOCRAT WOULD NEED TO BE ON
BOARD.
THE PROBLEM THERE IS, ONE OF
THOSE DEMOCRATS IS JOE MANCHIN.
>> WE'RE NOT GOING TO BUST
THE FILIBUSTER.
WE'RE NOT GOING TO BUST
THE BYRD RULE THAT BASICALLY
PROTECTS THE FILIBUSTER.
>> I'M NOT GOING TO BREAK THE
BYRD RULE, I'M NOT KILLING THE
FILIBUSTER.
I'M PROTECTING THE SENATE IN
HONOR OF ROBERT C. BYRD, WHOSE
SEAT I SIT IN.
SO YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT A
PERSON THAT'S GOING TO DEFEND
THE LEGACY OF ROBERT C. BYRD.
>> John: OKAY, IT'S BAD ENOUGH
THAT YOU'RE DEFENDING THE
FILIBUSTER, LET ALONE DOING IT
TO DEFEND THE LEGACY OF
ROBERT C. BYRD, A MAN WHO
LITERALLY USED IT TO TRY AND
BLOCK THE ORIGINAL VOTING RIGHTS
ACT IN 1964!
HE USED THE THING YOU'RE
ADVOCATING FOR IN THE WORST
POSSIBLE WAY.
IT'D BE LIKE PROMOTING ZOOM
BY REMINDING EVERYONE THAT
JEFFREY TOOBIN USED IT.
YOU'RE REALLY NOT HELPING YOUR
CASE THERE!
AND IT'S NOT JUST MANCHIN.
DEMOCRATS LIKE KYRSTEN SINEMA
AND DIANNE FEINSTEIN HAVE ALSO
DEFENDED THE FILIBUSTER.
AND BOTH BIDEN AND HARRIS HAVE
BEEN LUKEWARM ON THE ISSUE
IN THE PAST, WHICH IS VERY
FRUSTRATING.
BECAUSE DEMOCRATS SIMPLY CANNOT
AFFORD TO REST ON THEIR LAURELS
RIGHT NOW.
REPUBLICANS DEFINITELY AREN'T!
THEY'VE MADE IT ABUNDANTLY CLEAR
THEY'RE WILLING TO TAKE THINGS
TO DRASTIC LEVELS.
AND DEMOCRATS JUST DON'T SEEM
REMOTELY PREPARED TO MEET THAT
THREAT RIGHT NOW.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
DON'T WORRY.
I'M SURE THE G.O.P. WILL SIMPLY
PUT THE PAST BEHIND THEM,
RECOGNIZE WHAT THEY'VE DONE
WRONG, AND SHEPHERD ALL OF US
INTO A BIPARTISAN ERA OF MUTUAL
COOPERATION FOR THE COMMON GOOD.
[HORN HONKS]
THAT WAS SARCASM.
AND NOW, THIS.
♪ ♪
>> Announcer: AND NOW...
NEWSCASTERS OFFER TIPS FOR
HOW TO SAY "I LOVE YOU" IN THE
WORST IMAGINABLE WAY.
>> I'VE SEEN ALL TYPES OF
DIFFERENT OPPORTUNITIES TO
CELEBRATE THIS VALENTINE'S DAY.
LET'S GO OVER HERE AND TAKE A
LOOK AT THIS BOUQUET OF BEEF
STICKS.
>> FRIED CHICKEN BOUQUETS.
THEY INCLUDED SIX CHICKEN
TENDERS, MINI CARNATIONS, HERBS,
BABY'S BREATH, AND BUTTERMILK
DRESSING.
>> A BOUQUET MADE OF CHICK-FIL-A
NUGGETS AND WAFFLES.
>> THIS IS A CHICKEN WING AND
CHICKEN FINGER BOUQUET.
>> HOW ABOUT A CORN DOG BOUQUET?
>> A BOUQUET OF SALAMI!
WHY NOT?
>> A SAUSAGE BOUQUET.
>> THESE ARE BACON BOUQUETS.
>> A BOUQUET OF RIBS.
>> JERKY BEEF BOUQUETS.
>> THIS IS MY BEEF BOUQUET.
>> JERKY BOUQUETS, I WILL TELL
YOU RIGHT NOW, THAT LOOKS SO
DELICIOUS.
>> THE FIRST EVER MAINE LOBSTER
TAIL BOUQUET.
>> A TERRIBLE IDEA.
>> THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA.
PLEASE DO NOT SHIP THIS, DO NOT
PUT THIS IN THE MAIL.
YOU KNOW WHERE YOU WILL SPEND
THIS VALENTINE'S DAY?
ON THE TOILET.
♪ ♪
>> John: MOVING ON.
OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT CONCERNS
PANDEMICS.
YOU KNOW, THE THING EVERY LITTLE
VIRUS COULD ONE DAY GROW INTO.
>> WAIT, EVEN ME?
>> John: YEAH!
MAYBE EVEN YOU, MYSTERY VIRUS!
>> WOW, THAT'S GREAT!
THANKS FOR HELPING ME BELIEVE
IN MYSELF, JOHN!
NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I'M OFF TO THE MALL OF AMERICA!
WHEE!
>> John: [LAUGHS]
OH, OKAY!
HAVE FUN!
I'M PROBABLY GOING TO
REGRET THAT.
AND I KNOW WHAT YOU MIGHT BE
THINKING RIGHT NOW:
"JOHN, SHUT THE FUCK UP!
NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ANY MORE
ABOUT THE CORONAVIRUS!"
AND I GET THAT!
WHICH IS WHY WE'RE NOT ACTUALLY
GOING TO TALK ABOUT
THE CURRENT PANDEMIC TONIGHT.
WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT
THE NEXT ONE INSTEAD.
WHICH, I KNOW, SOUNDS EVEN LESS
APPEALING, BUT, LOOK, WE ARE THE
SHOW WE ARE.
IF YOU WANT TO SEE A BRITISH
PERSON DO SOMETHING HOT OR
INTERESTING, GO WATCH
"BRIDGERTON."
LOTTA JIZZING IN BLANKETS
ON THAT SHOW.
HOWEVER MUCH YOU EXPECT,
THERE'S SIGNIFICANTLY MORE.
BUT NOW MIGHT ALSO BE THE MOST
IMPORTANT TIME TO TALK ABOUT
THIS.
BECAUSE SCIENTISTS ATTEMPTED
TO WARN US ABOUT "THE NEXT
PANDEMIC" LONG BEFORE THE
CURRENT ONE HIT,
AND WE DIDN'T REALLY LISTEN.
IN FACT, 17 YEARS AGO, JUST
AFTER THE SARS EPIDEMIC WAS
CONTAINED, A LEADING SCIENTIST
WAS ON "60 MINUTES," SOUNDING
A CHILLING WARNING.
>> WHAT WORRIES ME THE MOST IS
THAT WE'RE GONNA MISS THE
NEXT EMERGING DISEASE, THAT
WE'RE GONNA SUDDENLY FIND
A SARS VIRUS THAT MOVES FROM
ONE PART OF THE PLANET TO
ANOTHER, WIPING OUT PEOPLE
AS IT MOVES ALONG.
>> SOMETHING MORE LETHAL THAN
SARS IS WHAT WORRIES YOU.
>> THAT'S SOMETHING TO BE
KEEPING YOU AWAKE AT NIGHT.
>> John: UH, YEAH, IT IS.
BECAUSE THAT IS A HAUNTINGLY
SPOT-ON PREDICTION THERE.
I KIND OF WANTED HIM TO
CONTINUE.
"JUST SPITBALLING HERE,
WHAT IF THAT GUY FROM
"THE APPRENTICE" BECOMES
PRESIDENT?
OR SOME LONELY GOON AT HARVARD
INVENTS A WEBSITE THAT DESTROYS
THE FABRIC OF SOCIETY AS WE KNOW
IT?
THAT'S SOMETHING TO KEEP YOU
AWAKE AT NIGHT, TOO!"
LOOK, I KNOW THIS CURRENT
CORONAVIRUS MIGHT FEEL LIKE A
ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME NIGHTMARE,
BUT IT'S ACTUALLY PART
OF A GLOBAL TREND, BECAUSE
THE TOTAL NUMBER OF INFECTIOUS
DISEASE OUTBREAKS HAS INCREASED
SIGNIFICANTLY SINCE 1980.
WE'VE SEEN OUTBREAKS LIKE SARS
IN 2003, H1N1 IN 2009, A SERIES
OF EBOLA OUTBREAKS, MOST NOTABLY
IN 2014, MERS IN 2015,
ZIKA THAT SAME YEAR,
AND, OF COURSE, THE CURRENT
VIRUS WE'RE ALL ENDURING, WHICH
IS THE MAIN REASON I'M CURRENTLY
SPEAKING TO YOU COMPLETELY ALONE
FROM WHAT LOOKS LIKE THE
PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY'S ASS CRACK.
AND THE TRUTH IS, IF WE'RE NOT
VERY CAREFUL, THE NEXT PANDEMIC
COULD WELL BE EVEN WORSE.
>> THERE ARE VIRUSES CURRENTLY
CIRCULATING IN WILDLIFE.
THEY ESSENTIALLY KILL 60 TO 70%
OF THE PEOPLE THEY INFECT.
>> THE VIRUS THAT CAUSES
COVID-19 MIGHT JUST BE A DRESS
REHEARSAL FOR THE BIG ONE LATER?
>> THIS IS NOT, BY ANY STRETCH
OF THE IMAGINATION, THE WORST
MOTHER NATURE HAS TO OFFER US.
>> John: WELL, THAT DOESN'T
SOUND GREAT.
AND LOOK, I KNOW THIS ISN'T THE
MOST IMPORTANT THING THERE, BUT:
WHAT IS IT WITH DISEASE EXPERTS
AND PREDICTING UPCOMING
PANDEMICS WHILE ON BOATS?
THAT'S A TERRIBLE USE OF A BOAT.
THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE CHILL.
READ THE BOAT RULES.
ONE: THE CAPTAIN'S ALWAYS
RIGHT.
TWO: WE ONLY FISH ON DAYS THAT
END IN "Y."
AND THREE: NO GRIM TIDINGS OF
THE VIRAL APOCALYPSE.
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
THAT'S A BOAT FOUL, DR. BUMMER.
>> BOAT FOUL!
>> John: INDEED.
AND WHILE YOU WOULD HOPE THAT
THE LAST YEAR WOULD BE A WAKE-UP
CALL TO EVERYONE, THOSE WHO
STUDY PANDEMICS ARE SKEPTICAL
THAT WE'VE LEARNED NEARLY
ENOUGH.
>> I THINK WHAT I'VE SEEN IN
HISTORY OF LOOKING AT THESE
PATHOGENS OVER TIME IS THAT
WE USUALLY GO RIGHT BACK TO
BUSINESS AS USUAL AS SOON AS
THE THING ENDS, AS SOON AS WE
HAVE A DRUG, AS SOON AS WE HAVE
A VACCINE, AS SOON AS WE CAN
KIND OF GHETTOIZE THESE DISEASES
INTO MARGINALIZED POPULATIONS.
WE DON'T REALLY DO THE
FUNDAMENTAL SOCIAL CHANGE
THAT WE COULD DO.
>> John: EXACTLY.
UNFORTUNATELY, THERE IS EVERY
CHANCE THAT AFTER ALL THIS IS
OVER, WE'LL END UP TREATING
THE CORONAVIRUS LIKE A REALLY
BAD FART AT THANKSGIVING.
THAT IS, WAITING PATIENTLY FOR
IT TO DISSIPATE SO WE CAN
NEVER SPEAK OF IT AGAIN AND
COLLECTIVELY PRETEND THAT
IT DIDN'T JUST KILL GRANDMA.
SO GIVEN ALL OF THAT, TONIGHT,
LET'S TALK ABOUT THE NEXT
PANDEMIC -- SPECIFICALLY,
WHERE NEW INFECTIOUS DISEASES
COME FROM, WHY THEY'RE ON THE
RISE, AND WHAT WE CAN DO TO
LIMIT THEM.
AND LET'S START WITH HOW WE GOT
INTO OUR CURRENT SITUATION.
THE COVID-19 PANDEMIC IS CAUSED
BY A NOVEL CORONAVIRUS CALLED
"SARS-COV-2," WHICH ORIGINATED
IN ANIMALS BEFORE JUMPING TO
HUMANS.
AND THAT IS BY NO MEANS UNUSUAL.
IT'S ESTIMATED THAT UP TO 75%
OF NEW OR EMERGING INFECTIOUS
DISEASES COME FROM ANIMALS.
THEY'RE CALLED
"ZOONOTIC DISEASES" OR
"ZOONOSES."
NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH
"ZOO NOSE," WHICH, FOR THE
RECORD, IS A VERY HURTFUL THING
TO CALL A TEENAGER WHO'S ALREADY
GOT ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH.
AND COVID IS BY NO MEANS THE
ONLY ZOONOTIC DISEASE OUT THERE.
THERE ARE AN ESTIMATED
1.7 MILLION CURRENTLY
UNDISCOVERED VIRUSES IN MAMMALS
AND BIRDS, OF WHICH BETWEEN
SIX AND 800,000 COULD HAVE
THE ABILITY TO INFECT HUMANS.
AND LOTS OF ANIMAL SPECIES ARE
HOSTS FOR ZOONOTIC DISEASE.
BIRDS AND PIGS CAN HARBOR
INFLUENZA.
CHIMPANZEES WERE THE BRIDGE OF
HIV TO HUMANS, AND TURTLES CAN
CARRY SALMONELLA, WHICH IS
SOMETHING WE ALL REMEMBER FROM
ONE OF THE DARKEST EPISODES OF
THE NINJA TURTLES CARTOON.
THAT'S RIGHT: ONE OF THEIR
TURTLE POWERS SEEMED TO BE
INADVERTENTLY KILLING
APRIL O'NEIL.
ONE OF THE BIGGEST VECTORS
FOR TRANSMITTING VIRUSES IS,
FAMOUSLY, BATS.
THEY'VE BEEN LINKED TO EBOLA,
THE DEADLY NIPAH VIRUS, AND
COVID-19.
IN FACT, HERE IS THAT EERILY
PRESCIENT EXPERT THAT YOU SAW
EARLIER WARNING OF THE DANGERS
OF A POPULAR BAT-BASED TOURIST
ATTRACTION BACK IN 2016.
>> THE BATS HERE IN THIS CAVE
ARE THE SAME BATS THAT CARRY
SARS VIRUS.
WHEN THEY'RE UP THERE, THEY
URINATE AND DEFECATE RIGHT ON
TOP OF THE TOURISTS THAT ARE
WALKING THROUGH.
AND ALL YOU HAVE GOT TO DO IS BE
THAT ONE PERSON TO BREATHE IN AT
THE WRONG TIME, AND SUDDENLY YOU
HAVE BEEN INFECTED WITH A --
WITH A VIRUS THAT IS NOT ONLY
POTENTIALLY LETHAL TO PEOPLE, IT
COULD CAUSE A FUTURE PANDEMIC.
>> John: THAT'S HORRIBLE -- AND
NOT JUST THE DISEASE PART.
JUST THE VERY CONCEPT OF THIS
WALK-IN BAT TOILET BEING
A TOURIST DESTINATION.
THAT MIGHT BE THE WORST TOURIST
ATTRACTION SINCE DISNEYLAND PUT
JOHNNY DEPP ANIMATRONICS IN THE
"PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN" RIDE.
C'MON, DISNEY, THERE'S KIDS
HERE!
THEY'RE HERE TO WATCH SOME JOLLY
NAUTICAL RAPISTS AND THIEVES,
NOT A WEIRD, SAD MILLIONAIRE
DOING A B-PLUS KEITH RICHARDS.
NOW THERE ARE REASONS THAT BATS
ARE SUCH GOOD HOSTS FOR DISEASE.
THEY CAN FLY, SO THEY CAN COVER
LARGE DISTANCES.
THEY'VE DEVELOPED SPECIALIZED
IMMUNE SYSTEMS THAT DON'T
OVERREACT TO INFECTIONS, WHICH
KEEPS THEM FROM FALLING ILL.
AND THEY ARE INSANELY PLENTIFUL.
NEARLY A QUARTER OF THE WORLD'S
MAMMAL SPECIES ARE BATS.
AND IF YOU'RE THINKING, "GREAT,
THEN THERE'S AN EASY FIX HERE:
LET'S SIMPLY KILL ALL BATS,"
THAT'S ACTUALLY NOT A GREAT
IDEA, FOR MULTIPLE REASONS.
NOT ONLY ARE THEY CRUCIAL
ELEMENTS OF OUR ECOSYSTEM,
THEY'RE ALSO WAY CUTER THAN
THEY'RE OFTEN GIVEN CREDIT FOR!
JUST LOOK AT THIS FUZZY LITTLE
GOOBER EATING A BANANA!
LOOK AT THIS ONE SCARFING DOWN
A WATERMELON!
AND JUST LOOK AT THIS LITTLE GUY
TRYING TO ABSOLUTELY HOUSE
A SINGLE GRAPE.
LOOK AT HIM GO!
WHO'S STRUGGLING WITH A GRAPE?
YOU ARE!
YOU'RE STRUGGLING WITH A GRAPE,
YOU LITTLE GOTH MOUSE!
ALSO, IT IS IMPORTANT TO
REMEMBER THAT THE FACT THAT WE
MAY'VE CAUGHT COVID FROM BATS
ISN'T SO MUCH THEIR FAULT AS IT
IS OURS.
BECAUSE OUTBREAKS OF BAT VIRUSES
DON'T TEND TO COME FROM THEM
SEEKING US OUT; THEY USUALLY
HAPPEN WHEN A HUMAN TAKES A BAT
SOMEWHERE IT'D NEVER GO ON ITS
OWN OR INTRUDES ON ITS HOME.
AND THAT ACTUALLY BRINGS US TO
THE FIRST BIG THING WE'RE DOING
THAT MAY WELL BRING ABOUT THE
NEXT PANDEMIC.
AND THAT IS ERASING THE BUFFER
BETWEEN CIVILIZATION AND
WILDLIFE.
SCIENTISTS HAVE REPEATEDLY
WARNED US ABOUT THE DANGERS OF
DEFORESTATION, URBANIZATION,
MINING, AND GENERALLY
SUPPLANTING NATURAL HABITATS,
WHICH HAS BEEN FAR MORE
EXTENSIVE THAN YOU MIGHT THINK.
>> MANY PEOPLE IMAGINE THERE'S
THIS UNTOUCHED WILDERNESS
BECAUSE THEY SEE IT ON THEIR
TV SCREENS, BUT THE REALITY IS,
THERE'S REALLY NOT A LOT OF WILD
LEFT THERE.
>> WE'VE ALREADY LOST NEARLY
90% OF THE WETLANDS AROUND
THE WORLD.
WE'VE TRANSFORMED THE FORESTS,
OUR GRASSLANDS.
WE'VE CONVERTED 75% OF THE LAND
THAT IS NOT COVERED BY ICE.
>> THREE QUARTERS OF THE
TERRESTRIAL SURFACE HAS BEEN
CHANGED.
A LOT OF IT JUST TO FEED ONE
SPECIES.
>> John: IT'S TRUE.
WE'VE CHANGED THREE-QUARTERS OF
THE EARTH'S LAND AREAS!
AND WHILE SOME OF THAT WAS
NECESSARY, WE HAVE ALSO CHANGED
A LOT TO BUILD DUMB, POINTLESS
SHIT THAT NO ONE REALLY WANTS OR
NEEDS, LIKE PAINTBALL COURSES,
OR NOVELTY T-SHIRT SHOPS, OR
SALT LAKE CITY.
AND THAT VANISHING BOUNDARY
HAS BROUGHT INCREASED RISK.
OVER 30% OF NEW AND EMERGING
DISEASES ARE LINKED TO
DEFORESTATION AND LAND USE
CHANGE.
TAKE THE AMAZON.
STUDIES HAVE DOCUMENTED THAT
CLEARING PATCHES OF FOREST
APPEARS TO CREATE THE IDEAL
HABITAT ALONG FOREST EDGES FOR
THE TYPE OF MOSQUITO THAT'S
THE MOST COMMON TRANSMITTER OF
MALARIA THERE.
OR TAKE WEST AFRICA.
THE FIRST VICTIM OF 2014'S
EBOLA OUTBREAK WAS A YOUNG BOY
WHO'D BEEN SEEN PLAYING NEAR
A TREE INFESTED WITH BATS BEFORE
HE GOT SICK.
HE LIVED IN A SMALL VILLAGE
WHERE MUCH OF THE SURROUNDING
FOREST HAD BEEN DESTROYED BY
FOREIGN MINING AND TIMBER
OPERATIONS.
AND EVIDENCE SUGGESTS THAT
THAT IS WHAT BROUGHT THE BATS
INTO HIS VILLAGE.
AND BEFORE YOU THINK THIS IS
JUST AN OVERSEAS PROBLEM, IT IS
WORTH REMEMBERING THAT ONE OF
THE CLEAREST EXAMPLES OF HABITAT
DESTRUCTION FUELING AN EMERGING
DISEASE HAPPENED RIGHT HERE IN
THE U.S., WHERE LYME DISEASE WAS
FIRST IDENTIFIED IN CONNECTICUT
IN THE 1980s, AND WAS DRIVEN BY
SUBURBANIZATION.
>> WHAT WE'VE FOUND IS THAT THE
PROBABILITY THAT A TICK IS GOING
TO ACQUIRE AN INFECTION WHEN IT
FEEDS ON A WHITE FOOTED MOUSE IS
ABOUT 90%.
AS WE FRAGMENT THE LANDSCAPE,
WE CHOP UP CONTINUOUS FOREST
INTO LITTLE BITS, WE LOSE
SPECIES.
THEY DISAPPEAR.
ONE OF THE LAST CREATURES IS
THE WHITE FOOTED MOUSE.
SO AS WE REDUCE DIVERSITY, WE'RE
LOSING THE SPECIES THAT PROTECT
US AND FAVORING THE ONES THAT
MAKE US SICK.
>> John: RIGHT.
WE FRAGMENTED THE LANDSCAPE
AND THAT DROVE OUT PREDATORS,
LEAVING CREATURES LIKE
WHITE-FOOTED MICE, WHO ARE THE
MAIN CULPRITS WHEN IT COMES TO
LYME DISEASE TRANSMISSION.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS:
FUCK WHITE-FOOTED MICE.
THEY CAN GO FUCK THEMSELVES.
UNLIKE, OF COURSE, RATS, WHO CAN
AND SHOULD GO FUCK EACH OTHER.
BUT IT'S NOT JUST US MOVING
CLOSER TO ANIMALS.
IT'S THAT, MORE AND MORE,
WE'RE BRINGING WILD ANIMALS INTO
CONTACT WITH US THROUGH THE
WILDLIFE TRADE.
NOW SOMETIMES THAT TAKES THE
FORM OF EXOTIC PETS, WHETHER
IT'S WHEN PARIS HILTON GOT A
KINKAJOU NAMED BABYLUV, OR THIS
RANDOM BRITISH MAN'S EXTREMELY
ILL-ADVISED ROOMMATE.
>> AN ORDINARY STREET IN KENT
AND A SUBURBAN SEMI WITH A
NORMAL CONSERVATORY.
BUT IT'S LICENSED FOR SOMETHING
FAR FROM NORMAL.
IS A CROCODILE A SUITABLE PET TO
HAVE IN A SUBURBAN HOUSE LIKE
THIS?
>> HE'S VERY MELLOW.
HE'S NOT THE SAME ANIMAL
HE WOULD BE BECAUSE HE'S -- HE'S
ADJUSTED, SHALL WE SAY, TO HUMAN
LIFE.
HAVING SOMETHING THAT NO ONE
ELSE HAS GOT IS -- IS AN
INTERESTING THING.
>> John: I MEAN, SURE.
I GUESS THAT'S TRUE.
BUT EVEN IF YOU INSIST ON OWNING
A WILD ANIMAL -- WHICH YOU
REALLY SHOULDN'T -- WHY A
CROCODILE?
THEY'RE NOT REMOTELY CUDDLY.
YOU'RE BASICALLY FLOODING YOUR
BROOM CLOSET TO MAKE ROOM
FOR A CARNIVOROUS SURFBOARD.
THE ONLY ACCEPTABLE HUMAN USE
FOR ANY CROCODILE OR ALLIGATOR
IS AS THE STAR OF THE INTERNET'S
GREATEST MUSIC VIDEO:
♪ IT'S FLAT FUCK FRIDAY ♪
♪ YOU FUCKIN' LOSERS ♪
♪ IT'S FLAT FUCK FRIDAY ♪
>> John: EXCELLENT.
THAT IS EXCELLENT.
THAT SONG IS CATCHIER THAN SARS
IN A GOOD WAY.
THE POINT IS, EXOTIC PET
OWNERSHIP HAS CAUSED REAL
PROBLEMS.
IN 2003, 47 PEOPLE ACROSS SIX
STATES CAUGHT MONKEYPOX --
WHICH HAD NEVER INFECTED HUMANS
OUTSIDE OF AFRICA -- AFTER
HAVING CONTACT WITH INFECTED
PRAIRIE DOGS PURCHASED AS PETS.
AND IN 2006, PARIS HILTON HAD TO
GO TO THE HOSPITAL AFTER HER
KINKAJOU BIT HER.
AND IT'S HARD TO SAY WHICH WAS
WORSE: A U.S. MONKEYPOX
OUTBREAK, OR BABYLUV'S SHOCKING
BETRAYAL.
ET TU, KINKAJOU?
BUT PERHAPS THE MOST FAMOUS WAY
WILD ANIMALS CAN SPREAD DISEASE
TO HUMANS IS WHEN THEY'RE SOLD
FOR CONSUMPTION.
AND THE PHRASE YOU'RE PROBABLY
ALREADY THINKING OF RIGHT NOW IS
"WET MARKETS."
LIKE THE ONE IN WUHAN, WHICH MAY
WELL HAVE BEEN THE BREAKOUT SITE
OF COVID-19.
AND YOU SHOULD KNOW: THE TERM
"WET MARKET" IS USED INCREDIBLY
BROADLY AND OFTEN INCORRECTLY.
MANY WET MARKETS ARE ESSENTIALLY
JUST PLACES WHERE FRESH MEAT,
SEAFOOD, AND PRODUCE ARE SOLD,
NOT UNLIKE A FARMER'S MARKET.
AND THEY CAN BE KEY SOURCES OF
FRESH, AFFORDABLE FOOD AROUND
THE WORLD, ESPECIALLY IN
DEVELOPING AREAS WHERE THERE
ISN'T, Y'KNOW, A TRADER JOE'S
THREE BLOCKS AWAY.
HOWEVER, SOME OF THOSE MARKETS
DO SELL WILDLIFE LIKE BATS AND
SNAKES AND CONDITIONS IN SOME OF
THOSE WILDLIFE MARKETS CAN BE
IDEAL FOR DISEASE TRANSMISSION.
>> SO HERE IN CAGES RIGHT NEXT
TO EACH OTHER, WE'VE GOT ADULT
RACCOONS NEXT TO CAPYBARA,
WHICH IS FROM SOUTH AMERICA.
THOSE ARE FROM NORTH AMERICA.
CAGES RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER.
THIS IS THE BIGGEST RODENT IN
THE WORLD.
AND ON TOP OF HERE, I THINK --
MARMOSETS ON TOP OF THE
CAPYBARA.
>> WHAT WE JUST SAW HERE IS LIKE
A BIOLOGICAL WARFARE LAB.
ANY ONE ANIMAL CAN TRANSMIT
A PATHOGEN TO ANOTHER, SOMEBODY
BUYS IT, HANDLES IT, TAKES IT
HOME AS A PET OR EATS IT.
BOOM.
WE HAVE ANOTHER PANDEMIC.
>> John: RIGHT.
WHEN WILD ANIMALS FROM DIFFERENT
PARTS OF THE WORLD ARE HELD IN
CLOSE PROXIMITY, WITH WEAKENED
IMMUNE SYSTEMS DUE TO STRESS,
PATHOGENS CAN EASILY JUMP FROM
ONE SPECIES TO ANOTHER, AND
POTENTIALLY TO HUMANS.
WHICH SHOULD, AT THE VERY LEAST,
MAKE YOU SERIOUSLY RETHINK YOUR
ISLAND IN "ANIMAL CROSSING."
YOU HONESTLY THINK IT'S STILL
A GOOD IDEA TO LIVE IN CLOSE
PROXIMITY WITH A RACCOON,
AN OWL, A GORILLA, A TIGER,
A SHEEP, A KOALA, AN OCTOPUS,
A HAMSTER, A PENGUIN, A RHINO,
AND A CHICKEN NAMED GOOSE, ALL
OF WHOM TRAVELED THERE FROM
DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE WORLD?
THAT'S NOT AN ISLAND PARADISE --
IT'S A DISEASE CHERNOBYL WAITING
TO HAPPEN.
SHUT THAT SHIT DOWN!
AND LISTEN, I KNOW IT DOESN'T
SOUND GREAT WHENEVER SOMEONE,
PARTICULARLY WITH THIS ACCENT,
STARTS TUT-TUTTING ABOUT HOW
PEOPLE IN OTHER COUNTRIES FEED
THEMSELVES AND MAKE A LIVING.
AND FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, BEFORE
WE GO TELL EVERYONE ELSE WHAT TO
DO, WE MIGHT WANT TO ACKNOWLEDGE
THAT OUR TRACK RECORD ON MIXING
ANIMALS ISN'T GREAT, EITHER.
ONE EXPERT THAT WE SPOKE TO SAID
A MAJOR CONCERN OF THEIRS IS
STATE FAIRS.
WHICH DOES KIND OF MAKE SENSE.
STATE AND AGRICULTURAL FAIRS
HAVE BEEN LINKED TO MULTIPLE
DISEASE OUTBREAKS, WITH ONE
IN 2012 THAT INFECTED OVER
300 PEOPLE -- MOSTLY CHILDREN --
ACROSS 10 STATES.
THAT PROBABLY EXPLAINS WHY
FAIRGOERS HAVE BEEN
REPEATEDLY WARNED,
"NO KISSING PIGS!"
AND LOOK, IT'S EASY TO THINK,
"COME ON, I'D NEVER KISS A PIG,"
BUT ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?
WHAT ABOUT THIS ONE?
NOT YOU'RE SO SURE NOW, ARE YOU?
WHAT ABOUT THIS ONE RIGHT HERE?
NOW YOU'RE EVEN MORE CONFUSED.
AND HOW ABOUT THIS PIG?
EXACTLY, I THOUGHT SO.
I'VE GOT GREAT NEWS: THIS HOT
LITTLE PORK CHOP'S BEEN WATCHING
YOU FROM ACROSS THE BAR ALL
NIGHT.
IT IS DOWN FOR SOME STUFF.
AND AMERICA'S ACTUALLY
GROUND ZERO FOR ANOTHER
DANGEROUS PRACTICE:
FACTORY FARMING.
IT'S SOMETHING THAT STARTED
HERE, BUT HAS SINCE SKYROCKETED
AROUND THE WORLD, TO THE POINT
THAT FACTORY FARMS NOW SUPPLY
MORE THAN 90% OF MEAT GLOBALLY
AND 99% OF MEAT DOMESTICALLY.
IN FACTORY FARMS, LIVESTOCK ARE
BRED AND CONFINED IN WAYS THAT
CAN ENABLE VIRUSES TO SPREAD
AMONG THEM MUCH MORE EASILY.
>> WE HAVE SEVERAL THOUSAND HOGS
PACKED IN TOGETHER AND THEY'RE
ALL GENETICALLY LARGELY THE
SAME.
THAT SELECTS FOR THE MOST
VIRULENT PATHOGENS THAT ARE
POSSIBLE.
AND SO, IN THE COURSE OF
INDUSTRIALIZING LIVESTOCK
PRODUCTION, WE ARE ALSO
INDUSTRIALIZING THE PATHOGENS
THAT CIRCULATE AMONG THEM.
>> John: EXACTLY.
I KNOW IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE,
BUT THE COLD, MECHANIZED
FACTORIES THAT CRAM ANIMALS
TOGETHER BEFORE STAMPING THEIR
FLESH INTO PLASTIC MEAT-MOLDS
AND EJECTING THE OUTCOME INTO
SUPERMARKET FREEZER SECTIONS
ACROSS THE NATION MIGHT BE DOING
SOMETHING BAD.
AND WHEN YOU PUT ALL OF THIS
TOGETHER, IT DOES BEGIN TO SEEM
LIKE WE'RE ACTIVELY TRYING TO
START PANDEMICS.
WHICH BRINGS US TO THE OBVIOUS
QUESTION: HOW DO WE STOP DOING
THAT?
WELL, THE MOST EFFECTIVE WAY
WOULD BE TO CLOSE DOWN ALL
WILDLIFE MARKETS,
BAN FACTORY FARMING,
STOP EATING MEAT ALTOGETHER,
HALT DEFORESTATION, SHUT DOWN
ALL STATE FAIRS, AND DEFINITELY
TAKE AWAY PARIS HILTON'S
KINKAJOU.
BUT OBVIOUSLY, NONE OF THOSE ARE
GOING TO HAPPEN.
FOR ONE THING, WE KNOW THAT
KINKAJOU BITES.
BUT ALSO, DRACONIAN MEASURES ARE
JUST NOT GOING TO WORK HERE.
FOR INSTANCE, IF YOU ABOLISH
WILDLIFE MARKETS, THAT COULD
CAUSE FOOD SCARCITY, AND WOULD
LIKELY JUST LEAD TO AN EXPLOSION
IN BLACK MARKET TRADE OF
WILD ANIMALS.
THE REASON WE KNOW THAT IS,
THAT'S REPORTEDLY WHAT HAPPENED
WHEN CHINA ATTEMPTED JUST SUCH
A BAN IN 2003, IN RESPONSE TO
SARS.
WHICH IS NOT TO SAY THAT WE
SHOULDN'T TRY TO REDUCE HARMFUL
PRACTICES -- BECAUSE WE SHOULD.
MANY EXPERTS ARGUE FOR WHAT'S
CALLED A "ONE HEALTH"
PERSPECTIVE, WHERE WE
RECOGNIZE THAT THE HEALTH OF
HUMANS, ANIMALS, ENVIRONMENT,
ARE ALL CONNECTED, AND TAKE THAT
INTO ACCOUNT
WHEN MAKING
DECISIONS ON EVERYTHING FROM
ENVIRONMENTAL REGULATIONS TO
URBAN PLANNING.
AND THERE ARE GOING TO NEED TO
BE LOTS OF SMALLER SOLUTIONS,
TOO, WHICH WILL LOOK DIFFERENT
EVERYWHERE, BECAUSE, CRUCIALLY,
EVERYWHERE IS DIFFERENT.
TAKE THAILAND.
THEY'VE HAD SOME REAL SUCCESS
IN PREVENTING OUTBREAKS THERE BY
PROVIDING FARMERS WITH
A PHONE APP TO FLAG ANY PROBLEMS
THAT THEY SEE.
>> IT'S SIMILAR TO A POOR MAN'S
INSTAGRAM WITHOUT ANY FILTERS,
THAT HELPS THE VOLUNTEERS IN THE
VILLAGE TO SUBMIT ABNORMAL
HEALTH EVENTS IN REAL TIME.
>> YOU COULDN'T TRAIN EVERYONE
TO BE A HEALTH EXPERT BUT YOU
CAN TRAIN EVERYONE TO BE EYES
AND EARS.
>> John: THAT'S VERY CLEVER.
BECAUSE WITH THAT APP, FARMERS
THERE HAVE A WAY TO SPOT A
POSSIBLY SICK BIRD THAT COULD
INFORM BROADER PUBLIC POLICY.
WHICH ISN'T JUST EFFECTIVE
DISEASE PREVENTION, IT WAS ALSO
INTERESTINGLY THE WORKING TITLE
OF THIS SHOW.
THAT SCHEME HAS BEEN A SUCCESS,
PARTLY BECAUSE IT PRESERVES
PEOPLE'S LIVELIHOODS, AND ALIGNS
FARMERS' INTERESTS WITH THOSE OF
THEIR LARGER COMMUNITY.
AND THERE WILL BE THOUSANDS OF
SMALL IDEAS LIKE THAT, THAT
COULD END UP MAKING A REAL
DIFFERENCE.
AND LOOK, THERE'S NO DENYING
ALL OF THIS IS GOING TO COST
MONEY.
AND UNFORTUNATELY, SOME
SCIENTISTS DOUBT OUR APPETITE
FOR LONG-TERM SPENDING ON THIS.
JUST LISTEN TO THIS RESEARCHER
IN BRAZIL MAKE THAT EXACT POINT,
WHILE TAKING SAMPLES FROM BATS.
>> IT'S EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO
GET FUNDING FOR OUR KIND OF
RESEARCH.
NOW, DURING THE PANDEMIC, IT HAS
BEEN A LITTLE EASIER.
BUT AS SOON AS THE VIRUS CRISIS
IS OVER, OUR FINANCIAL WORRIES
WILL RETURN.
I'M NOT VERY OPTIMISTIC.
>> John: YEAH, THAT'S NOT GREAT.
"I'M NOT VERY OPTIMISTIC" ISN'T
WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR FROM
SOMEONE SCRAPING GERMS OUT OF A
BAT.
THAT'S A WOMAN WHO LITERALLY
KNOWS HER SHIT.
SO WE NEED TO SPEND HOWEVER MUCH
IS NECESSARY TO CHANGE HER
ANSWER.
AND I'M NOT SAYING THIS WILL BE
CHEAP; ONE ESTIMATE FOR THE
COST OF GLOBAL PREVENTION RUNS
BETWEEN $22 AND $31 BILLION
A YEAR.
BUT BEAR IN MIND,
EVEN IF IT WAS DOUBLE THAT,
THE COST OF COVID-19 IN THE U.S.
ALONE IS ESTIMATED TO BE OVER
$16 TRILLION.
SO, TO PUT IT MILDLY, IT'S
FUCKING WORTH IT.
AND I KNOW, RIGHT NOW, THAT
MIGHT SEEM OBVIOUS.
THE PROBLEM IS, AS WE COME OUT
THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS PANDEMIC,
THERE IS A REAL DANGER THAT
WE'RE GOING TO START TO GET
COMPLACENT.
SO FOR THE GOOD OF FUTURE
GENERATIONS -- AND IN ALL
LIKELIHOOD, US IN A FEW YEARS --
WE REALLY NEED TO REMEMBER THE
WAY WE FEEL RIGHT NOW AND INVEST
ACCORDINGLY.
BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS, YOU NEVER
KNOW WHERE THE NEXT PANDEMIC IS
GOING TO COME FROM.
>> HEY, Y'ALL!
REMEMBER ME?
I'M BACK!
AND I'M GONNA DO WHAT THE
CORONAVIRUS COULDN'T:
I'M GONNA KILL TOM HANKS!
>> John: PLEASE DON'T DO THAT,
VIRUS!
>> RITA WILSON, TOO!
THEY'RE GONNA CALL ME OLIVER'S
PLAGUE!
>> John: I REALLY DON'T WANT YOU
TO BE CALLED THAT.
>> OH, I THINK IT'S GOT A RING
TO IT!
>> John: I ABSOLUTELY DON'T.
THE POINT IS, WE HAVE GOT TO
REMEMBER THIS FEELING.
IT'S OUR ONLY HOPE.
THAT'S OUR SHOW.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING,
WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK,
GOOD NIGHT.
>> OOH, JOHN, DO YOU THINK A
BUNCH OF CELEBRITIES WILL MAKE
A VIDEO OF THEMSELVES SINGING
"IMAGINE" WHEN I FIRST BREAK
OUT?
>> John: PROBABLY, TO BE
HONEST.
>> I'VE GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU!
>> John: WHAT IS YOUR
SURPRISE?
>> I CAN SPREAD THROUGH ZOOM!
>> John: HOW CAN YOU SPREAD
THROUGH ZOOM?
>> NATURE'S FULL OF MIRACLES!
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I'M GOIN' TO DISNEYWORLD!
I'M GONNA GIVE EVERYONE BLOODY
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
>> John: HI THERE!
WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
WE'RE BACK!
STILL, UNFORTUNATELY,
IN THIS BLANK VOID.
I HAD HOPED WE'D BE OUT BY NOW,
BUT INSTEAD, I'M STILL STUCK
IN THE BLANKEST EXPANSE ON
TELEVISION, ASIDE FROM THE EYES
OF ROMAIN FROM "SELLING SUNSET."
THERE'S JUST NOTHING THERE.
WE'VE BEEN OFF SINCE NOVEMBER,
AND CLEARLY, A LOT HAS HAPPENED
SINCE THEN.
THE VACCINE ROLLOUT BEGAN.
WALL STREET WAS THROWN INTO
A FRENZY OVER GAMESTOP,
AND FOR A WEEK, EVERYONE GOT
REALLY INTO SEA SHANTIES.
IT'S BEEN A WEIRD TIME.
BUT WE HAVE TO START TONIGHT
WITH THE IMPEACHMENT TRIAL
THAT TOOK PLACE THIS WEEK.
DEMOCRATS PUT ON A COMPELLING,
FORENSIC CASE ABOUT
TRUMP'S CLEAR ROLE AS
INSTIGATOR OF THE JANUARY 6th
RIOTS.
AND IN RESPONSE, TRUMP'S
ATTORNEYS MOUNTED A DEFENSE
THAT COULD CHARITABLY BE
CHARACTERIZED AS "INCOHERENT,"
WITH LOWLIGHTS RANGING FROM
ONE ATTORNEY REMINISCING ABOUT
HIS CHILDHOOD RECORD COLLECTION,
TO ANOTHER SUBJECTING THE SENATE
TO AN 11 MINUTE VIDEO OF
DEMOCRATS SIMPLY USING
THE WORD "FIGHT."
IT MIGHT HAVE SEEMED THAT THEY
WEREN'T TRYING VERY HARD,
BUT THAT MIGHT BE BECAUSE THEY
DIDN'T REALLY HAVE TO.
TED CRUZ EVEN MET WITH TRUMP'S
LAWYERS, WHILE THE CASE WAS
STILL GOING ON, AND TOLD THEM
THIS:
>> I SAID, "LOOK, YOU GOT --
YOU GOTTA REMEMBER YOU'VE
ALREADY WON."
THERE ARE NOT 67 VOTES
TO CONVICT.
THERE -- THERE ARE 55 VOTES
TO CONVICT, PLUS-MINUS TWO.
>> John: AND THE THING IS,
HE WAS RIGHT.
AND WHAT A TRULY INSPIRING
GLIMPSE THAT IS INTO THE WORLD'S
MOST DELIBERATIVE BODY.
"I SAID TO THEM, YOU GOTTA
REMEMBER: THE OUTCOME'S
PREDETERMINED, NOTHING MEANS
ANYTHING, AND THIS ENTIRE
PROCESS IS A COMPLETE CHARADE.
NOW, HANDS IN, EVERYONE:
DEAD EYES, EMPTY HEARTS,
TED CRUZ."
AND THE FACT THE REPUBLICANS
WERE GOING TO ACQUIT
THE FORMER PRESIDENT NO MATTER
WHAT IS A PRETTY DEPRESSING SIGN
OF JUST HOW DEEP TRUMPISM RUNS
IN THEIR PARTY.
BUT NOT JUST AT THE
NATIONAL LEVEL.
IN MANY WAYS, AT THE STATE
LEVEL, IT'S EVEN WORSE.
MORE THAN A DOZEN STATE
LEGISLATORS ACTUALLY
PARTICIPATED IN THE
"STOP THE STEAL" RALLY
PRECEDING THE RIOTS, AND ONE OF
THEM EVEN MADE IT INSIDE.
DERRICK EVANS, A NEWLY-ELECTED
WEST VIRGINIA STATE LEGISLATOR,
AND CHIPMUNK FRAT PLEDGE,
WAS EVENTUALLY ARRESTED.
AND WHILE HE MAINTAINED THAT
HE WAS ONLY IN THE CAPITOL AS AN
INDEPENDENT MEMBER OF THE MEDIA
TO FILM HISTORY, THE HISTORY
HE FILMED TOLD A VERY DIFFERENT
STORY.
>> TRUMP!
TRUMP!
WHOO!
WE'RE IN!
WE'RE IN!
DERRICK EVANS IS IN THE CAPITOL!
>> John: NOW, EVERYTHING ABOUT
THAT IS AWFUL.
FROM THE FACT THAT A STATE
LAWMAKER PARTICIPATED
IN A DEADLY INSURRECTION,
TO THE FACT HE WAS STUPID ENOUGH
TO BROADCAST HIMSELF DOING IT,
TO HIM EXCITEDLY TALKING ABOUT
HIMSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON LIKE
SOME KIND OF ALT-RIGHT ELMO.
AND WHILE EVANS HAS SINCE
RESIGNED, HE'S JUST THE TIP OF
THE ICEBERG WHEN IT COMES TO
EXTREME BEHAVIOR IN STATE
REPUBLICAN PARTIES.
OREGON'S STATE G.O.P. PUT OUT
A STATEMENT CLAIMING THE RIOTS
WERE A "FALSE FLAG OPERATION
DESIGNED TO DISCREDIT
PRESIDENT TRUMP."
AND MICHIGAN'S TOP ELECTED
REPUBLICAN WAS CAUGHT ON TAPE
SPEWING DANGEROUS CONSPIRACIES
LIKE THIS:
>> SENATE MAJORITY LEADER
MIKE SHIRKEY IN HIS OWN WORDS
TALKING ABOUT THE DEADLY
JANUARY 6TH CAPITOL RIOTS,
SAYING IT WAS PREARRANGED, AND
THAT IT WASN'T TRUMP'S PEOPLE.
>> THAT'S BEEN A HOAX FROM DAY
ONE.
THAT WAS ALL PREARRANGED.
THAT WAS ALL ARRANGED BY
SOMEBODY THAT WAS FUNDING IT.
>> John: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT, SHIRKEY?
TO THE EXTENT JANUARY 6TH WAS
"PREARRANGED" BY ANYONE,
IT WAS CLEARLY BY TRUMP, AS HE
REPEATEDLY TWEETED THINGS
LIKE, "BIG PROTEST IN D.C.
ON JANUARY 6TH...
BE THERE, WILL BE WILD!"
WHICH, TO BE FAIR, WAS ONE OF
THOSE OCCASIONS WHERE HE TURNED
OUT TO BE COMPLETELY RIGHT.
AND I KNOW THAT MAN LOOKS LIKE
HE ANSWERS THE QUESTION,
"WHAT IF STEVE MARTIN WAS
AWFUL?," BUT THE FACT IS,
HE'S THE MAJORITY LEADER OF
THE MICHIGAN SENATE.
HE HAS REAL POWER.
THEN THERE'S ARIZONA, WHERE
THEIR REPUBLICAN PARTY CENSURED
THREE PEOPLE -- INCLUDING THEIR
GOVERNOR AND CINDY McCAIN --
FOR NOT SUFFICIENTLY SUPPORTING
TRUMP.
AND IN EARLY DECEMBER, DID THIS:
>> USING THE "STOP THE STEAL"
SLOGAN, A TRUMP SUPPORTER
WRITES, "I AM WILLING TO GIVE
MY LIFE FOR THIS FIGHT."
THE STATE REPUBLICAN PARTY
RESPONDS, "HE IS.
ARE YOU?"
THEN THE OFFICIAL PARTY DOUBLES
DOWN, TWEETING OVERNIGHT A CLIP
FROM "RAMBO" AND THE QUOTE,
"THIS IS WHAT WE DO, WHO WE ARE.
LIVE FOR NOTHING, OR DIE FOR
SOMETHING."
>> John: OKAY, ASIDE FROM BEING
COMPLETELY TERRIFYING, THAT
QUOTE IS FROM THE 2008 "RAMBO"
MOVIE -- AT THAT POINT, THE
WORST "RAMBO" MOVIE, UNTIL THEY
MADE ANOTHER ONE.
I'M JUST SAYING, IF YOU
ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO QUOTE
STALLONE, THERE ARE SO MANY
BETTER OPTIONS.
THEY COULD HAVE GONE WITH,
"TO SURVIVE A WAR, YOU GOTTA
BECOME WAR," FROM
"RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II."
OR "THIS CHILDISH GAME WILL SOON
BE OVER.
AND THEN THE REAL GAME WILL
BEGIN," FROM "SPY KIDS 3D:
GAME OVER."
OR EVEN THIS ACTUAL STALLONE
TWEET: "EVERYONE SHOULD TRY
PAINTING!
GET STROKING!"
I MEAN, SURE, IT DOESN'T MAKE
MUCH SENSE, BUT AT LEAST IT'S
NOT LIKELY TO LEAD TO PEOPLE
GETTING KILLED.
AND IT'S NOT JUST PARTY
OFFICIALS.
REPUBLICAN SENATORS IN ARIZONA
HAVE TRIED, AMONG OTHER
THINGS, TO HOLD THE MARICOPA
COUNTY BOARD OF SUPERVISORS
IN CONTEMPT FOR REFUSING TO TURN
OVER VOTING MACHINES AND BALLOTS
FOR INSPECTION.
AND ONE LAWMAKER INTRODUCED THIS
PARTICULARLY EXTREME BILL:
>> UNDER HOUSE BILL 27-20,
THE LEGISLATURE COULD REVOKE
THE SECRETARY OF STATE'S
CERTIFICATION OF THE ELECTION,
AND APPOINT MEMBERS TO THE
ELECTORAL COLLEGE THAT IT WANTS.
HAD THIS BEEN THE LAW IN
NOVEMBER, THE G.O.P.-LED
LEGISLATURE COULD HAVE GIVEN
THE STATE'S 11 ELECTORAL COLLEGE
VOTES TO FORMER PRESIDENT
DONALD TRUMP.
THIS MORNING, SECRETARY OF STATE
KATIE HOBBS APPEARED ON "GOOD
MORNING ARIZONA" TO SAY THIS.
>> WHY NOT JUST DO AWAY WITH
ELECTIONS ALTOGETHER, AND JUST
HAVE THE LEGISLATURE PICK ALL OF
OUR ELECTED OFFICIALS?
THAT -- THAT WAS SARCASM.
YEAH, THIS LEGISLATION IS
LUDICROUS.
>> John: OKAY, I DO TAKE YOUR
POINT THERE, BUT HAVING TO
EXPLAIN SOMETHING YOU JUST SAID
WAS SARCASTIC IS NEVER IDEAL.
IT KIND OF ROBS THE SARCASM OF
ITS BITE.
NEXT TIME, WHY NOT JUST USE
A SARCASM ALERT HORN?
THAT WAY, THE HORN DOES ALL THE
WORK FOR YOU.
ALTHOUGH I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M
TELLING YOU THIS.
YOU'RE CLEARLY SO GOOD AT
SARCASM.
[HORN HONKS]
SEE?
IT WORKS.
BUT THAT BILL ACTUALLY POINTS TO
A MUCH LARGER ISSUE HERE:
REPUBLICAN LEGISLATURES ACROSS
THE COUNTRY HAVE RESPONDED TO
WHAT'S BEEN CALLED "THE MOST
SECURE ELECTION IN U.S. HISTORY"
BY PUSHING NEW LAWS TO MAKE
VOTING SIGNIFICANTLY MORE
DIFFICULT.
IN ARIZONA, THEY'VE PUT FORWARD
19 BILLS TO RESTRICT VOTING
RIGHTS.
AND NATIONWIDE, 33 STATES ARE
CONSIDERING OVER 165 RESTRICTIVE
BILLS, JUST THIS YEAR.
NOW LUCKILY, THERE IS CURRENTLY
LEGISLATION IN CONGRESS -- HR1
AND THE JOHN LEWIS VOTING RIGHTS
ADVANCEMENT ACT -- THAT COULD
HELP CURB STATE-LEVEL ATTEMPTS
AT VOTER SUPPRESSION.
UNFORTUNATELY, THE BEST SHOT
THOSE BILLS HAVE AT GETTING
ENACTED IS IF DEMOCRATS
END THE FILIBUSTER.
AND TO DO THAT, EVERY SENATE
DEMOCRAT WOULD NEED TO BE ON
BOARD.
THE PROBLEM THERE IS, ONE OF
THOSE DEMOCRATS IS JOE MANCHIN.
>> WE'RE NOT GOING TO BUST
THE FILIBUSTER.
WE'RE NOT GOING TO BUST
THE BYRD RULE THAT BASICALLY
PROTECTS THE FILIBUSTER.
>> I'M NOT GOING TO BREAK THE
BYRD RULE, I'M NOT KILLING THE
FILIBUSTER.
I'M PROTECTING THE SENATE IN
HONOR OF ROBERT C. BYRD, WHOSE
SEAT I SIT IN.
SO YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT A
PERSON THAT'S GOING TO DEFEND
THE LEGACY OF ROBERT C. BYRD.
>> John: OKAY, IT'S BAD ENOUGH
THAT YOU'RE DEFENDING THE
FILIBUSTER, LET ALONE DOING IT
TO DEFEND THE LEGACY OF
ROBERT C. BYRD, A MAN WHO
LITERALLY USED IT TO TRY AND
BLOCK THE ORIGINAL VOTING RIGHTS
ACT IN 1964!
HE USED THE THING YOU'RE
ADVOCATING FOR IN THE WORST
POSSIBLE WAY.
IT'D BE LIKE PROMOTING ZOOM
BY REMINDING EVERYONE THAT
JEFFREY TOOBIN USED IT.
YOU'RE REALLY NOT HELPING YOUR
CASE THERE!
AND IT'S NOT JUST MANCHIN.
DEMOCRATS LIKE KYRSTEN SINEMA
AND DIANNE FEINSTEIN HAVE ALSO
DEFENDED THE FILIBUSTER.
AND BOTH BIDEN AND HARRIS HAVE
BEEN LUKEWARM ON THE ISSUE
IN THE PAST, WHICH IS VERY
FRUSTRATING.
BECAUSE DEMOCRATS SIMPLY CANNOT
AFFORD TO REST ON THEIR LAURELS
RIGHT NOW.
REPUBLICANS DEFINITELY AREN'T!
THEY'VE MADE IT ABUNDANTLY CLEAR
THEY'RE WILLING TO TAKE THINGS
TO DRASTIC LEVELS.
AND DEMOCRATS JUST DON'T SEEM
REMOTELY PREPARED TO MEET THAT
THREAT RIGHT NOW.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
DON'T WORRY.
I'M SURE THE G.O.P. WILL SIMPLY
PUT THE PAST BEHIND THEM,
RECOGNIZE WHAT THEY'VE DONE
WRONG, AND SHEPHERD ALL OF US
INTO A BIPARTISAN ERA OF MUTUAL
COOPERATION FOR THE COMMON GOOD.
[HORN HONKS]
THAT WAS SARCASM.
AND NOW, THIS.
♪ ♪
>> Announcer: AND NOW...
NEWSCASTERS OFFER TIPS FOR
HOW TO SAY "I LOVE YOU" IN THE
WORST IMAGINABLE WAY.
>> I'VE SEEN ALL TYPES OF
DIFFERENT OPPORTUNITIES TO
CELEBRATE THIS VALENTINE'S DAY.
LET'S GO OVER HERE AND TAKE A
LOOK AT THIS BOUQUET OF BEEF
STICKS.
>> FRIED CHICKEN BOUQUETS.
THEY INCLUDED SIX CHICKEN
TENDERS, MINI CARNATIONS, HERBS,
BABY'S BREATH, AND BUTTERMILK
DRESSING.
>> A BOUQUET MADE OF CHICK-FIL-A
NUGGETS AND WAFFLES.
>> THIS IS A CHICKEN WING AND
CHICKEN FINGER BOUQUET.
>> HOW ABOUT A CORN DOG BOUQUET?
>> A BOUQUET OF SALAMI!
WHY NOT?
>> A SAUSAGE BOUQUET.
>> THESE ARE BACON BOUQUETS.
>> A BOUQUET OF RIBS.
>> JERKY BEEF BOUQUETS.
>> THIS IS MY BEEF BOUQUET.
>> JERKY BOUQUETS, I WILL TELL
YOU RIGHT NOW, THAT LOOKS SO
DELICIOUS.
>> THE FIRST EVER MAINE LOBSTER
TAIL BOUQUET.
>> A TERRIBLE IDEA.
>> THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA.
PLEASE DO NOT SHIP THIS, DO NOT
PUT THIS IN THE MAIL.
YOU KNOW WHERE YOU WILL SPEND
THIS VALENTINE'S DAY?
ON THE TOILET.
♪ ♪
>> John: MOVING ON.
OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT CONCERNS
PANDEMICS.
YOU KNOW, THE THING EVERY LITTLE
VIRUS COULD ONE DAY GROW INTO.
>> WAIT, EVEN ME?
>> John: YEAH!
MAYBE EVEN YOU, MYSTERY VIRUS!
>> WOW, THAT'S GREAT!
THANKS FOR HELPING ME BELIEVE
IN MYSELF, JOHN!
NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I'M OFF TO THE MALL OF AMERICA!
WHEE!
>> John: [LAUGHS]
OH, OKAY!
HAVE FUN!
I'M PROBABLY GOING TO
REGRET THAT.
AND I KNOW WHAT YOU MIGHT BE
THINKING RIGHT NOW:
"JOHN, SHUT THE FUCK UP!
NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ANY MORE
ABOUT THE CORONAVIRUS!"
AND I GET THAT!
WHICH IS WHY WE'RE NOT ACTUALLY
GOING TO TALK ABOUT
THE CURRENT PANDEMIC TONIGHT.
WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT
THE NEXT ONE INSTEAD.
WHICH, I KNOW, SOUNDS EVEN LESS
APPEALING, BUT, LOOK, WE ARE THE
SHOW WE ARE.
IF YOU WANT TO SEE A BRITISH
PERSON DO SOMETHING HOT OR
INTERESTING, GO WATCH
"BRIDGERTON."
LOTTA JIZZING IN BLANKETS
ON THAT SHOW.
HOWEVER MUCH YOU EXPECT,
THERE'S SIGNIFICANTLY MORE.
BUT NOW MIGHT ALSO BE THE MOST
IMPORTANT TIME TO TALK ABOUT
THIS.
BECAUSE SCIENTISTS ATTEMPTED
TO WARN US ABOUT "THE NEXT
PANDEMIC" LONG BEFORE THE
CURRENT ONE HIT,
AND WE DIDN'T REALLY LISTEN.
IN FACT, 17 YEARS AGO, JUST
AFTER THE SARS EPIDEMIC WAS
CONTAINED, A LEADING SCIENTIST
WAS ON "60 MINUTES," SOUNDING
A CHILLING WARNING.
>> WHAT WORRIES ME THE MOST IS
THAT WE'RE GONNA MISS THE
NEXT EMERGING DISEASE, THAT
WE'RE GONNA SUDDENLY FIND
A SARS VIRUS THAT MOVES FROM
ONE PART OF THE PLANET TO
ANOTHER, WIPING OUT PEOPLE
AS IT MOVES ALONG.
>> SOMETHING MORE LETHAL THAN
SARS IS WHAT WORRIES YOU.
>> THAT'S SOMETHING TO BE
KEEPING YOU AWAKE AT NIGHT.
>> John: UH, YEAH, IT IS.
BECAUSE THAT IS A HAUNTINGLY
SPOT-ON PREDICTION THERE.
I KIND OF WANTED HIM TO
CONTINUE.
"JUST SPITBALLING HERE,
WHAT IF THAT GUY FROM
"THE APPRENTICE" BECOMES
PRESIDENT?
OR SOME LONELY GOON AT HARVARD
INVENTS A WEBSITE THAT DESTROYS
THE FABRIC OF SOCIETY AS WE KNOW
IT?
THAT'S SOMETHING TO KEEP YOU
AWAKE AT NIGHT, TOO!"
LOOK, I KNOW THIS CURRENT
CORONAVIRUS MIGHT FEEL LIKE A
ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME NIGHTMARE,
BUT IT'S ACTUALLY PART
OF A GLOBAL TREND, BECAUSE
THE TOTAL NUMBER OF INFECTIOUS
DISEASE OUTBREAKS HAS INCREASED
SIGNIFICANTLY SINCE 1980.
WE'VE SEEN OUTBREAKS LIKE SARS
IN 2003, H1N1 IN 2009, A SERIES
OF EBOLA OUTBREAKS, MOST NOTABLY
IN 2014, MERS IN 2015,
ZIKA THAT SAME YEAR,
AND, OF COURSE, THE CURRENT
VIRUS WE'RE ALL ENDURING, WHICH
IS THE MAIN REASON I'M CURRENTLY
SPEAKING TO YOU COMPLETELY ALONE
FROM WHAT LOOKS LIKE THE
PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY'S ASS CRACK.
AND THE TRUTH IS, IF WE'RE NOT
VERY CAREFUL, THE NEXT PANDEMIC
COULD WELL BE EVEN WORSE.
>> THERE ARE VIRUSES CURRENTLY
CIRCULATING IN WILDLIFE.
THEY ESSENTIALLY KILL 60 TO 70%
OF THE PEOPLE THEY INFECT.
>> THE VIRUS THAT CAUSES
COVID-19 MIGHT JUST BE A DRESS
REHEARSAL FOR THE BIG ONE LATER?
>> THIS IS NOT, BY ANY STRETCH
OF THE IMAGINATION, THE WORST
MOTHER NATURE HAS TO OFFER US.
>> John: WELL, THAT DOESN'T
SOUND GREAT.
AND LOOK, I KNOW THIS ISN'T THE
MOST IMPORTANT THING THERE, BUT:
WHAT IS IT WITH DISEASE EXPERTS
AND PREDICTING UPCOMING
PANDEMICS WHILE ON BOATS?
THAT'S A TERRIBLE USE OF A BOAT.
THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE CHILL.
READ THE BOAT RULES.
ONE: THE CAPTAIN'S ALWAYS
RIGHT.
TWO: WE ONLY FISH ON DAYS THAT
END IN "Y."
AND THREE: NO GRIM TIDINGS OF
THE VIRAL APOCALYPSE.
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
THAT'S A BOAT FOUL, DR. BUMMER.
>> BOAT FOUL!
>> John: INDEED.
AND WHILE YOU WOULD HOPE THAT
THE LAST YEAR WOULD BE A WAKE-UP
CALL TO EVERYONE, THOSE WHO
STUDY PANDEMICS ARE SKEPTICAL
THAT WE'VE LEARNED NEARLY
ENOUGH.
>> I THINK WHAT I'VE SEEN IN
HISTORY OF LOOKING AT THESE
PATHOGENS OVER TIME IS THAT
WE USUALLY GO RIGHT BACK TO
BUSINESS AS USUAL AS SOON AS
THE THING ENDS, AS SOON AS WE
HAVE A DRUG, AS SOON AS WE HAVE
A VACCINE, AS SOON AS WE CAN
KIND OF GHETTOIZE THESE DISEASES
INTO MARGINALIZED POPULATIONS.
WE DON'T REALLY DO THE
FUNDAMENTAL SOCIAL CHANGE
THAT WE COULD DO.
>> John: EXACTLY.
UNFORTUNATELY, THERE IS EVERY
CHANCE THAT AFTER ALL THIS IS
OVER, WE'LL END UP TREATING
THE CORONAVIRUS LIKE A REALLY
BAD FART AT THANKSGIVING.
THAT IS, WAITING PATIENTLY FOR
IT TO DISSIPATE SO WE CAN
NEVER SPEAK OF IT AGAIN AND
COLLECTIVELY PRETEND THAT
IT DIDN'T JUST KILL GRANDMA.
SO GIVEN ALL OF THAT, TONIGHT,
LET'S TALK ABOUT THE NEXT
PANDEMIC -- SPECIFICALLY,
WHERE NEW INFECTIOUS DISEASES
COME FROM, WHY THEY'RE ON THE
RISE, AND WHAT WE CAN DO TO
LIMIT THEM.
AND LET'S START WITH HOW WE GOT
INTO OUR CURRENT SITUATION.
THE COVID-19 PANDEMIC IS CAUSED
BY A NOVEL CORONAVIRUS CALLED
"SARS-COV-2," WHICH ORIGINATED
IN ANIMALS BEFORE JUMPING TO
HUMANS.
AND THAT IS BY NO MEANS UNUSUAL.
IT'S ESTIMATED THAT UP TO 75%
OF NEW OR EMERGING INFECTIOUS
DISEASES COME FROM ANIMALS.
THEY'RE CALLED
"ZOONOTIC DISEASES" OR
"ZOONOSES."
NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH
"ZOO NOSE," WHICH, FOR THE
RECORD, IS A VERY HURTFUL THING
TO CALL A TEENAGER WHO'S ALREADY
GOT ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH.
AND COVID IS BY NO MEANS THE
ONLY ZOONOTIC DISEASE OUT THERE.
THERE ARE AN ESTIMATED
1.7 MILLION CURRENTLY
UNDISCOVERED VIRUSES IN MAMMALS
AND BIRDS, OF WHICH BETWEEN
SIX AND 800,000 COULD HAVE
THE ABILITY TO INFECT HUMANS.
AND LOTS OF ANIMAL SPECIES ARE
HOSTS FOR ZOONOTIC DISEASE.
BIRDS AND PIGS CAN HARBOR
INFLUENZA.
CHIMPANZEES WERE THE BRIDGE OF
HIV TO HUMANS, AND TURTLES CAN
CARRY SALMONELLA, WHICH IS
SOMETHING WE ALL REMEMBER FROM
ONE OF THE DARKEST EPISODES OF
THE NINJA TURTLES CARTOON.
THAT'S RIGHT: ONE OF THEIR
TURTLE POWERS SEEMED TO BE
INADVERTENTLY KILLING
APRIL O'NEIL.
ONE OF THE BIGGEST VECTORS
FOR TRANSMITTING VIRUSES IS,
FAMOUSLY, BATS.
THEY'VE BEEN LINKED TO EBOLA,
THE DEADLY NIPAH VIRUS, AND
COVID-19.
IN FACT, HERE IS THAT EERILY
PRESCIENT EXPERT THAT YOU SAW
EARLIER WARNING OF THE DANGERS
OF A POPULAR BAT-BASED TOURIST
ATTRACTION BACK IN 2016.
>> THE BATS HERE IN THIS CAVE
ARE THE SAME BATS THAT CARRY
SARS VIRUS.
WHEN THEY'RE UP THERE, THEY
URINATE AND DEFECATE RIGHT ON
TOP OF THE TOURISTS THAT ARE
WALKING THROUGH.
AND ALL YOU HAVE GOT TO DO IS BE
THAT ONE PERSON TO BREATHE IN AT
THE WRONG TIME, AND SUDDENLY YOU
HAVE BEEN INFECTED WITH A --
WITH A VIRUS THAT IS NOT ONLY
POTENTIALLY LETHAL TO PEOPLE, IT
COULD CAUSE A FUTURE PANDEMIC.
>> John: THAT'S HORRIBLE -- AND
NOT JUST THE DISEASE PART.
JUST THE VERY CONCEPT OF THIS
WALK-IN BAT TOILET BEING
A TOURIST DESTINATION.
THAT MIGHT BE THE WORST TOURIST
ATTRACTION SINCE DISNEYLAND PUT
JOHNNY DEPP ANIMATRONICS IN THE
"PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN" RIDE.
C'MON, DISNEY, THERE'S KIDS
HERE!
THEY'RE HERE TO WATCH SOME JOLLY
NAUTICAL RAPISTS AND THIEVES,
NOT A WEIRD, SAD MILLIONAIRE
DOING A B-PLUS KEITH RICHARDS.
NOW THERE ARE REASONS THAT BATS
ARE SUCH GOOD HOSTS FOR DISEASE.
THEY CAN FLY, SO THEY CAN COVER
LARGE DISTANCES.
THEY'VE DEVELOPED SPECIALIZED
IMMUNE SYSTEMS THAT DON'T
OVERREACT TO INFECTIONS, WHICH
KEEPS THEM FROM FALLING ILL.
AND THEY ARE INSANELY PLENTIFUL.
NEARLY A QUARTER OF THE WORLD'S
MAMMAL SPECIES ARE BATS.
AND IF YOU'RE THINKING, "GREAT,
THEN THERE'S AN EASY FIX HERE:
LET'S SIMPLY KILL ALL BATS,"
THAT'S ACTUALLY NOT A GREAT
IDEA, FOR MULTIPLE REASONS.
NOT ONLY ARE THEY CRUCIAL
ELEMENTS OF OUR ECOSYSTEM,
THEY'RE ALSO WAY CUTER THAN
THEY'RE OFTEN GIVEN CREDIT FOR!
JUST LOOK AT THIS FUZZY LITTLE
GOOBER EATING A BANANA!
LOOK AT THIS ONE SCARFING DOWN
A WATERMELON!
AND JUST LOOK AT THIS LITTLE GUY
TRYING TO ABSOLUTELY HOUSE
A SINGLE GRAPE.
LOOK AT HIM GO!
WHO'S STRUGGLING WITH A GRAPE?
YOU ARE!
YOU'RE STRUGGLING WITH A GRAPE,
YOU LITTLE GOTH MOUSE!
ALSO, IT IS IMPORTANT TO
REMEMBER THAT THE FACT THAT WE
MAY'VE CAUGHT COVID FROM BATS
ISN'T SO MUCH THEIR FAULT AS IT
IS OURS.
BECAUSE OUTBREAKS OF BAT VIRUSES
DON'T TEND TO COME FROM THEM
SEEKING US OUT; THEY USUALLY
HAPPEN WHEN A HUMAN TAKES A BAT
SOMEWHERE IT'D NEVER GO ON ITS
OWN OR INTRUDES ON ITS HOME.
AND THAT ACTUALLY BRINGS US TO
THE FIRST BIG THING WE'RE DOING
THAT MAY WELL BRING ABOUT THE
NEXT PANDEMIC.
AND THAT IS ERASING THE BUFFER
BETWEEN CIVILIZATION AND
WILDLIFE.
SCIENTISTS HAVE REPEATEDLY
WARNED US ABOUT THE DANGERS OF
DEFORESTATION, URBANIZATION,
MINING, AND GENERALLY
SUPPLANTING NATURAL HABITATS,
WHICH HAS BEEN FAR MORE
EXTENSIVE THAN YOU MIGHT THINK.
>> MANY PEOPLE IMAGINE THERE'S
THIS UNTOUCHED WILDERNESS
BECAUSE THEY SEE IT ON THEIR
TV SCREENS, BUT THE REALITY IS,
THERE'S REALLY NOT A LOT OF WILD
LEFT THERE.
>> WE'VE ALREADY LOST NEARLY
90% OF THE WETLANDS AROUND
THE WORLD.
WE'VE TRANSFORMED THE FORESTS,
OUR GRASSLANDS.
WE'VE CONVERTED 75% OF THE LAND
THAT IS NOT COVERED BY ICE.
>> THREE QUARTERS OF THE
TERRESTRIAL SURFACE HAS BEEN
CHANGED.
A LOT OF IT JUST TO FEED ONE
SPECIES.
>> John: IT'S TRUE.
WE'VE CHANGED THREE-QUARTERS OF
THE EARTH'S LAND AREAS!
AND WHILE SOME OF THAT WAS
NECESSARY, WE HAVE ALSO CHANGED
A LOT TO BUILD DUMB, POINTLESS
SHIT THAT NO ONE REALLY WANTS OR
NEEDS, LIKE PAINTBALL COURSES,
OR NOVELTY T-SHIRT SHOPS, OR
SALT LAKE CITY.
AND THAT VANISHING BOUNDARY
HAS BROUGHT INCREASED RISK.
OVER 30% OF NEW AND EMERGING
DISEASES ARE LINKED TO
DEFORESTATION AND LAND USE
CHANGE.
TAKE THE AMAZON.
STUDIES HAVE DOCUMENTED THAT
CLEARING PATCHES OF FOREST
APPEARS TO CREATE THE IDEAL
HABITAT ALONG FOREST EDGES FOR
THE TYPE OF MOSQUITO THAT'S
THE MOST COMMON TRANSMITTER OF
MALARIA THERE.
OR TAKE WEST AFRICA.
THE FIRST VICTIM OF 2014'S
EBOLA OUTBREAK WAS A YOUNG BOY
WHO'D BEEN SEEN PLAYING NEAR
A TREE INFESTED WITH BATS BEFORE
HE GOT SICK.
HE LIVED IN A SMALL VILLAGE
WHERE MUCH OF THE SURROUNDING
FOREST HAD BEEN DESTROYED BY
FOREIGN MINING AND TIMBER
OPERATIONS.
AND EVIDENCE SUGGESTS THAT
THAT IS WHAT BROUGHT THE BATS
INTO HIS VILLAGE.
AND BEFORE YOU THINK THIS IS
JUST AN OVERSEAS PROBLEM, IT IS
WORTH REMEMBERING THAT ONE OF
THE CLEAREST EXAMPLES OF HABITAT
DESTRUCTION FUELING AN EMERGING
DISEASE HAPPENED RIGHT HERE IN
THE U.S., WHERE LYME DISEASE WAS
FIRST IDENTIFIED IN CONNECTICUT
IN THE 1980s, AND WAS DRIVEN BY
SUBURBANIZATION.
>> WHAT WE'VE FOUND IS THAT THE
PROBABILITY THAT A TICK IS GOING
TO ACQUIRE AN INFECTION WHEN IT
FEEDS ON A WHITE FOOTED MOUSE IS
ABOUT 90%.
AS WE FRAGMENT THE LANDSCAPE,
WE CHOP UP CONTINUOUS FOREST
INTO LITTLE BITS, WE LOSE
SPECIES.
THEY DISAPPEAR.
ONE OF THE LAST CREATURES IS
THE WHITE FOOTED MOUSE.
SO AS WE REDUCE DIVERSITY, WE'RE
LOSING THE SPECIES THAT PROTECT
US AND FAVORING THE ONES THAT
MAKE US SICK.
>> John: RIGHT.
WE FRAGMENTED THE LANDSCAPE
AND THAT DROVE OUT PREDATORS,
LEAVING CREATURES LIKE
WHITE-FOOTED MICE, WHO ARE THE
MAIN CULPRITS WHEN IT COMES TO
LYME DISEASE TRANSMISSION.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS:
FUCK WHITE-FOOTED MICE.
THEY CAN GO FUCK THEMSELVES.
UNLIKE, OF COURSE, RATS, WHO CAN
AND SHOULD GO FUCK EACH OTHER.
BUT IT'S NOT JUST US MOVING
CLOSER TO ANIMALS.
IT'S THAT, MORE AND MORE,
WE'RE BRINGING WILD ANIMALS INTO
CONTACT WITH US THROUGH THE
WILDLIFE TRADE.
NOW SOMETIMES THAT TAKES THE
FORM OF EXOTIC PETS, WHETHER
IT'S WHEN PARIS HILTON GOT A
KINKAJOU NAMED BABYLUV, OR THIS
RANDOM BRITISH MAN'S EXTREMELY
ILL-ADVISED ROOMMATE.
>> AN ORDINARY STREET IN KENT
AND A SUBURBAN SEMI WITH A
NORMAL CONSERVATORY.
BUT IT'S LICENSED FOR SOMETHING
FAR FROM NORMAL.
IS A CROCODILE A SUITABLE PET TO
HAVE IN A SUBURBAN HOUSE LIKE
THIS?
>> HE'S VERY MELLOW.
HE'S NOT THE SAME ANIMAL
HE WOULD BE BECAUSE HE'S -- HE'S
ADJUSTED, SHALL WE SAY, TO HUMAN
LIFE.
HAVING SOMETHING THAT NO ONE
ELSE HAS GOT IS -- IS AN
INTERESTING THING.
>> John: I MEAN, SURE.
I GUESS THAT'S TRUE.
BUT EVEN IF YOU INSIST ON OWNING
A WILD ANIMAL -- WHICH YOU
REALLY SHOULDN'T -- WHY A
CROCODILE?
THEY'RE NOT REMOTELY CUDDLY.
YOU'RE BASICALLY FLOODING YOUR
BROOM CLOSET TO MAKE ROOM
FOR A CARNIVOROUS SURFBOARD.
THE ONLY ACCEPTABLE HUMAN USE
FOR ANY CROCODILE OR ALLIGATOR
IS AS THE STAR OF THE INTERNET'S
GREATEST MUSIC VIDEO:
♪ IT'S FLAT FUCK FRIDAY ♪
♪ YOU FUCKIN' LOSERS ♪
♪ IT'S FLAT FUCK FRIDAY ♪
>> John: EXCELLENT.
THAT IS EXCELLENT.
THAT SONG IS CATCHIER THAN SARS
IN A GOOD WAY.
THE POINT IS, EXOTIC PET
OWNERSHIP HAS CAUSED REAL
PROBLEMS.
IN 2003, 47 PEOPLE ACROSS SIX
STATES CAUGHT MONKEYPOX --
WHICH HAD NEVER INFECTED HUMANS
OUTSIDE OF AFRICA -- AFTER
HAVING CONTACT WITH INFECTED
PRAIRIE DOGS PURCHASED AS PETS.
AND IN 2006, PARIS HILTON HAD TO
GO TO THE HOSPITAL AFTER HER
KINKAJOU BIT HER.
AND IT'S HARD TO SAY WHICH WAS
WORSE: A U.S. MONKEYPOX
OUTBREAK, OR BABYLUV'S SHOCKING
BETRAYAL.
ET TU, KINKAJOU?
BUT PERHAPS THE MOST FAMOUS WAY
WILD ANIMALS CAN SPREAD DISEASE
TO HUMANS IS WHEN THEY'RE SOLD
FOR CONSUMPTION.
AND THE PHRASE YOU'RE PROBABLY
ALREADY THINKING OF RIGHT NOW IS
"WET MARKETS."
LIKE THE ONE IN WUHAN, WHICH MAY
WELL HAVE BEEN THE BREAKOUT SITE
OF COVID-19.
AND YOU SHOULD KNOW: THE TERM
"WET MARKET" IS USED INCREDIBLY
BROADLY AND OFTEN INCORRECTLY.
MANY WET MARKETS ARE ESSENTIALLY
JUST PLACES WHERE FRESH MEAT,
SEAFOOD, AND PRODUCE ARE SOLD,
NOT UNLIKE A FARMER'S MARKET.
AND THEY CAN BE KEY SOURCES OF
FRESH, AFFORDABLE FOOD AROUND
THE WORLD, ESPECIALLY IN
DEVELOPING AREAS WHERE THERE
ISN'T, Y'KNOW, A TRADER JOE'S
THREE BLOCKS AWAY.
HOWEVER, SOME OF THOSE MARKETS
DO SELL WILDLIFE LIKE BATS AND
SNAKES AND CONDITIONS IN SOME OF
THOSE WILDLIFE MARKETS CAN BE
IDEAL FOR DISEASE TRANSMISSION.
>> SO HERE IN CAGES RIGHT NEXT
TO EACH OTHER, WE'VE GOT ADULT
RACCOONS NEXT TO CAPYBARA,
WHICH IS FROM SOUTH AMERICA.
THOSE ARE FROM NORTH AMERICA.
CAGES RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER.
THIS IS THE BIGGEST RODENT IN
THE WORLD.
AND ON TOP OF HERE, I THINK --
MARMOSETS ON TOP OF THE
CAPYBARA.
>> WHAT WE JUST SAW HERE IS LIKE
A BIOLOGICAL WARFARE LAB.
ANY ONE ANIMAL CAN TRANSMIT
A PATHOGEN TO ANOTHER, SOMEBODY
BUYS IT, HANDLES IT, TAKES IT
HOME AS A PET OR EATS IT.
BOOM.
WE HAVE ANOTHER PANDEMIC.
>> John: RIGHT.
WHEN WILD ANIMALS FROM DIFFERENT
PARTS OF THE WORLD ARE HELD IN
CLOSE PROXIMITY, WITH WEAKENED
IMMUNE SYSTEMS DUE TO STRESS,
PATHOGENS CAN EASILY JUMP FROM
ONE SPECIES TO ANOTHER, AND
POTENTIALLY TO HUMANS.
WHICH SHOULD, AT THE VERY LEAST,
MAKE YOU SERIOUSLY RETHINK YOUR
ISLAND IN "ANIMAL CROSSING."
YOU HONESTLY THINK IT'S STILL
A GOOD IDEA TO LIVE IN CLOSE
PROXIMITY WITH A RACCOON,
AN OWL, A GORILLA, A TIGER,
A SHEEP, A KOALA, AN OCTOPUS,
A HAMSTER, A PENGUIN, A RHINO,
AND A CHICKEN NAMED GOOSE, ALL
OF WHOM TRAVELED THERE FROM
DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE WORLD?
THAT'S NOT AN ISLAND PARADISE --
IT'S A DISEASE CHERNOBYL WAITING
TO HAPPEN.
SHUT THAT SHIT DOWN!
AND LISTEN, I KNOW IT DOESN'T
SOUND GREAT WHENEVER SOMEONE,
PARTICULARLY WITH THIS ACCENT,
STARTS TUT-TUTTING ABOUT HOW
PEOPLE IN OTHER COUNTRIES FEED
THEMSELVES AND MAKE A LIVING.
AND FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, BEFORE
WE GO TELL EVERYONE ELSE WHAT TO
DO, WE MIGHT WANT TO ACKNOWLEDGE
THAT OUR TRACK RECORD ON MIXING
ANIMALS ISN'T GREAT, EITHER.
ONE EXPERT THAT WE SPOKE TO SAID
A MAJOR CONCERN OF THEIRS IS
STATE FAIRS.
WHICH DOES KIND OF MAKE SENSE.
STATE AND AGRICULTURAL FAIRS
HAVE BEEN LINKED TO MULTIPLE
DISEASE OUTBREAKS, WITH ONE
IN 2012 THAT INFECTED OVER
300 PEOPLE -- MOSTLY CHILDREN --
ACROSS 10 STATES.
THAT PROBABLY EXPLAINS WHY
FAIRGOERS HAVE BEEN
REPEATEDLY WARNED,
"NO KISSING PIGS!"
AND LOOK, IT'S EASY TO THINK,
"COME ON, I'D NEVER KISS A PIG,"
BUT ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?
WHAT ABOUT THIS ONE?
NOT YOU'RE SO SURE NOW, ARE YOU?
WHAT ABOUT THIS ONE RIGHT HERE?
NOW YOU'RE EVEN MORE CONFUSED.
AND HOW ABOUT THIS PIG?
EXACTLY, I THOUGHT SO.
I'VE GOT GREAT NEWS: THIS HOT
LITTLE PORK CHOP'S BEEN WATCHING
YOU FROM ACROSS THE BAR ALL
NIGHT.
IT IS DOWN FOR SOME STUFF.
AND AMERICA'S ACTUALLY
GROUND ZERO FOR ANOTHER
DANGEROUS PRACTICE:
FACTORY FARMING.
IT'S SOMETHING THAT STARTED
HERE, BUT HAS SINCE SKYROCKETED
AROUND THE WORLD, TO THE POINT
THAT FACTORY FARMS NOW SUPPLY
MORE THAN 90% OF MEAT GLOBALLY
AND 99% OF MEAT DOMESTICALLY.
IN FACTORY FARMS, LIVESTOCK ARE
BRED AND CONFINED IN WAYS THAT
CAN ENABLE VIRUSES TO SPREAD
AMONG THEM MUCH MORE EASILY.
>> WE HAVE SEVERAL THOUSAND HOGS
PACKED IN TOGETHER AND THEY'RE
ALL GENETICALLY LARGELY THE
SAME.
THAT SELECTS FOR THE MOST
VIRULENT PATHOGENS THAT ARE
POSSIBLE.
AND SO, IN THE COURSE OF
INDUSTRIALIZING LIVESTOCK
PRODUCTION, WE ARE ALSO
INDUSTRIALIZING THE PATHOGENS
THAT CIRCULATE AMONG THEM.
>> John: EXACTLY.
I KNOW IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE,
BUT THE COLD, MECHANIZED
FACTORIES THAT CRAM ANIMALS
TOGETHER BEFORE STAMPING THEIR
FLESH INTO PLASTIC MEAT-MOLDS
AND EJECTING THE OUTCOME INTO
SUPERMARKET FREEZER SECTIONS
ACROSS THE NATION MIGHT BE DOING
SOMETHING BAD.
AND WHEN YOU PUT ALL OF THIS
TOGETHER, IT DOES BEGIN TO SEEM
LIKE WE'RE ACTIVELY TRYING TO
START PANDEMICS.
WHICH BRINGS US TO THE OBVIOUS
QUESTION: HOW DO WE STOP DOING
THAT?
WELL, THE MOST EFFECTIVE WAY
WOULD BE TO CLOSE DOWN ALL
WILDLIFE MARKETS,
BAN FACTORY FARMING,
STOP EATING MEAT ALTOGETHER,
HALT DEFORESTATION, SHUT DOWN
ALL STATE FAIRS, AND DEFINITELY
TAKE AWAY PARIS HILTON'S
KINKAJOU.
BUT OBVIOUSLY, NONE OF THOSE ARE
GOING TO HAPPEN.
FOR ONE THING, WE KNOW THAT
KINKAJOU BITES.
BUT ALSO, DRACONIAN MEASURES ARE
JUST NOT GOING TO WORK HERE.
FOR INSTANCE, IF YOU ABOLISH
WILDLIFE MARKETS, THAT COULD
CAUSE FOOD SCARCITY, AND WOULD
LIKELY JUST LEAD TO AN EXPLOSION
IN BLACK MARKET TRADE OF
WILD ANIMALS.
THE REASON WE KNOW THAT IS,
THAT'S REPORTEDLY WHAT HAPPENED
WHEN CHINA ATTEMPTED JUST SUCH
A BAN IN 2003, IN RESPONSE TO
SARS.
WHICH IS NOT TO SAY THAT WE
SHOULDN'T TRY TO REDUCE HARMFUL
PRACTICES -- BECAUSE WE SHOULD.
MANY EXPERTS ARGUE FOR WHAT'S
CALLED A "ONE HEALTH"
PERSPECTIVE, WHERE WE
RECOGNIZE THAT THE HEALTH OF
HUMANS, ANIMALS, ENVIRONMENT,
ARE ALL CONNECTED, AND TAKE THAT
INTO ACCOUNT
WHEN MAKING
DECISIONS ON EVERYTHING FROM
ENVIRONMENTAL REGULATIONS TO
URBAN PLANNING.
AND THERE ARE GOING TO NEED TO
BE LOTS OF SMALLER SOLUTIONS,
TOO, WHICH WILL LOOK DIFFERENT
EVERYWHERE, BECAUSE, CRUCIALLY,
EVERYWHERE IS DIFFERENT.
TAKE THAILAND.
THEY'VE HAD SOME REAL SUCCESS
IN PREVENTING OUTBREAKS THERE BY
PROVIDING FARMERS WITH
A PHONE APP TO FLAG ANY PROBLEMS
THAT THEY SEE.
>> IT'S SIMILAR TO A POOR MAN'S
INSTAGRAM WITHOUT ANY FILTERS,
THAT HELPS THE VOLUNTEERS IN THE
VILLAGE TO SUBMIT ABNORMAL
HEALTH EVENTS IN REAL TIME.
>> YOU COULDN'T TRAIN EVERYONE
TO BE A HEALTH EXPERT BUT YOU
CAN TRAIN EVERYONE TO BE EYES
AND EARS.
>> John: THAT'S VERY CLEVER.
BECAUSE WITH THAT APP, FARMERS
THERE HAVE A WAY TO SPOT A
POSSIBLY SICK BIRD THAT COULD
INFORM BROADER PUBLIC POLICY.
WHICH ISN'T JUST EFFECTIVE
DISEASE PREVENTION, IT WAS ALSO
INTERESTINGLY THE WORKING TITLE
OF THIS SHOW.
THAT SCHEME HAS BEEN A SUCCESS,
PARTLY BECAUSE IT PRESERVES
PEOPLE'S LIVELIHOODS, AND ALIGNS
FARMERS' INTERESTS WITH THOSE OF
THEIR LARGER COMMUNITY.
AND THERE WILL BE THOUSANDS OF
SMALL IDEAS LIKE THAT, THAT
COULD END UP MAKING A REAL
DIFFERENCE.
AND LOOK, THERE'S NO DENYING
ALL OF THIS IS GOING TO COST
MONEY.
AND UNFORTUNATELY, SOME
SCIENTISTS DOUBT OUR APPETITE
FOR LONG-TERM SPENDING ON THIS.
JUST LISTEN TO THIS RESEARCHER
IN BRAZIL MAKE THAT EXACT POINT,
WHILE TAKING SAMPLES FROM BATS.
>> IT'S EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO
GET FUNDING FOR OUR KIND OF
RESEARCH.
NOW, DURING THE PANDEMIC, IT HAS
BEEN A LITTLE EASIER.
BUT AS SOON AS THE VIRUS CRISIS
IS OVER, OUR FINANCIAL WORRIES
WILL RETURN.
I'M NOT VERY OPTIMISTIC.
>> John: YEAH, THAT'S NOT GREAT.
"I'M NOT VERY OPTIMISTIC" ISN'T
WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR FROM
SOMEONE SCRAPING GERMS OUT OF A
BAT.
THAT'S A WOMAN WHO LITERALLY
KNOWS HER SHIT.
SO WE NEED TO SPEND HOWEVER MUCH
IS NECESSARY TO CHANGE HER
ANSWER.
AND I'M NOT SAYING THIS WILL BE
CHEAP; ONE ESTIMATE FOR THE
COST OF GLOBAL PREVENTION RUNS
BETWEEN $22 AND $31 BILLION
A YEAR.
BUT BEAR IN MIND,
EVEN IF IT WAS DOUBLE THAT,
THE COST OF COVID-19 IN THE U.S.
ALONE IS ESTIMATED TO BE OVER
$16 TRILLION.
SO, TO PUT IT MILDLY, IT'S
FUCKING WORTH IT.
AND I KNOW, RIGHT NOW, THAT
MIGHT SEEM OBVIOUS.
THE PROBLEM IS, AS WE COME OUT
THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS PANDEMIC,
THERE IS A REAL DANGER THAT
WE'RE GOING TO START TO GET
COMPLACENT.
SO FOR THE GOOD OF FUTURE
GENERATIONS -- AND IN ALL
LIKELIHOOD, US IN A FEW YEARS --
WE REALLY NEED TO REMEMBER THE
WAY WE FEEL RIGHT NOW AND INVEST
ACCORDINGLY.
BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS, YOU NEVER
KNOW WHERE THE NEXT PANDEMIC IS
GOING TO COME FROM.
>> HEY, Y'ALL!
REMEMBER ME?
I'M BACK!
AND I'M GONNA DO WHAT THE
CORONAVIRUS COULDN'T:
I'M GONNA KILL TOM HANKS!
>> John: PLEASE DON'T DO THAT,
VIRUS!
>> RITA WILSON, TOO!
THEY'RE GONNA CALL ME OLIVER'S
PLAGUE!
>> John: I REALLY DON'T WANT YOU
TO BE CALLED THAT.
>> OH, I THINK IT'S GOT A RING
TO IT!
>> John: I ABSOLUTELY DON'T.
THE POINT IS, WE HAVE GOT TO
REMEMBER THIS FEELING.
IT'S OUR ONLY HOPE.
THAT'S OUR SHOW.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING,
WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK,
GOOD NIGHT.
>> OOH, JOHN, DO YOU THINK A
BUNCH OF CELEBRITIES WILL MAKE
A VIDEO OF THEMSELVES SINGING
"IMAGINE" WHEN I FIRST BREAK
OUT?
>> John: PROBABLY, TO BE
HONEST.
>> I'VE GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU!
>> John: WHAT IS YOUR
SURPRISE?
>> I CAN SPREAD THROUGH ZOOM!
>> John: HOW CAN YOU SPREAD
THROUGH ZOOM?
>> NATURE'S FULL OF MIRACLES!
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I'M GOIN' TO DISNEYWORLD!
I'M GONNA GIVE EVERYONE BLOODY