Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (2014–…): Season 6, Episode 29 - SLAPP Suits - full transcript

After winning a legal battle over his episode Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Coal (2017) involving a Trump-allied coal executive and John's giant squirrel, John Oliver explains how 'SLAPP suits' like this one are designed to stifle public dissent.

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LAST WEEK TONIGHT
WITH JOHN OLIVER

SEASON VI
EPISODE 29

Welcome to Last Week Tonight.

I'm John Oliver.
Thank you for joining us.

We dive straight in this week
with Stupid Watergate II,

the scandal that's like getting
a rubber chicken stuck in your ass,

it's kind of funny,
but also actually serious

and something
needs to be done about it.

The House continued calling witnesses
ahead of public impeachment hearings.

But the president has figured out
who is really to blame

and chose his helicopter-yell time
to share it with everyone.



It's called the swamp.
And you know what I did ?

A big favor. I caught the swamp.
I caught 'em all.

Nobody else
could have done that but me.

That might be Donald Trump
at his Donald Trumpiest.

Screaming something nonsensical:
"I caught the swamp."

Then, doubling down on it:
"I caught them all".

And bragging
about how great he was

at doing something
that didn't mean anything.

Nothing there made any sense,
and yet you just know,

in two days his website will be sold
out of "I Caught the Swamp" hats

'cause that's the world
we live in right now.

That wasn't the most desperate defense
of the president employed.

That honor must go
to Lindsey Graham,

a man whose face looks like a nana
who found out what thruples are.



Graham knows the president
didn't demand a quid pro quo,

with some spectacular logic.

What I can tell you about the Trump
policy toward the Ukraine,

it was incoherent,
it depends on who you talk to.

They seem to be incapable
of forming a quid pro quo.

To be clear here:
Graham's defense has gone

from "there was no quid pro quo" to
"Trump is too dumb to do one."

That argument alone is terrifying.
Graham is essentially saying:

"The president's like a baby,"

"stumbling in a diaper
full of his own boom-boom !"

"That is why he must stay in office and
retain access to the nuclear codes !"

But while Stupid Watergate II
continues to unfold,

this week brought news from
the previous version:

"Stupid Watergate I:
Rise Of The Planet Of The Stupid."

The plot here
was pretty solid.

About the Trump
campaign's contacts with Russia:

who talked to whom
and what did the president know.

A lot came out
in The Mueller Report,

but certain details,
involving WikiLeaks,

were redacted because
they pertained to ongoing cases.

One of those cases
reached a courtroom.

At the center of it is Roger Stone,

a steampunk Andy Warhol
who is in a lot of trouble.

Roger Stone's trial for allegedly
lying to Congress

got underway in a Washington, D.C.
courtroom today.

Federal prosecutors argued
that Stone lied to Congress

about his efforts to connect
with WikiLeaks in 2016

because the truth
looked bad for Donald Trump.

Roger Stone is accused of lying
to have the president's back.

Not to be confused with having
a lying president on his back,

because Stone has this actual tattoo,

which is the weirdest tattoo
I have ever seen.

Not just because it's of Richard Nixon,
but because it is somehow

both too big and not big enough.

The placement of it is terrible.
It looks like someone center justified

a Nixon JPEG at the top
of a blank Word document.

Stone stands accused of misleading
Congress about efforts

to get information from WikiLeaks.

He claims that he never spoke
directly with Julian Assange

and testified in 2017 that
he'd relied upon an intermediary,

this man, Randy Credico,
a radio host and comedian.

Credico has denied
being that intermediary

and Stone has not reacted
well to that.

Prosecutors read Stone's messages
to Credico in court and they are rough.

Stone writes to Credico:
"You are a rat, a stoolie."

"You backstab your friends. I am ready.
Let's get it on. Prepare to die."

Holy shit.

It's unsurprising to hear mafia-style
threats coming from Roger Stone,

a man who looks like his entire
wardrobe consists

of mob boss Halloween costumes
from the discount rack at Party City.

Stone has argued that "prepare to die"
has been taken out of context.

He claimed the only reason

he said that was because Credico told
him he had terminal prostate cancer.

Except there's two problems:

Credico says he doesn't have
terminal prostate cancer.

Even if he did, that's a weird thing
to say to someone who does.

There is a reason
why hospital gift shops

don't sell
"Prepare To Die" balloons.

That's not something humans
tend to say to each other.

Stone is in some serious legal trouble.
And legal trouble costs money.

Don't worry,
he's got that covered.

You can help me in my epic struggle
for vindication and survival

by ordering a signed "Roger Stone
Did Nothing Wrong !" t-shirt.

Please order yours today.

That's ridiculous. Roger Stone did
at least one thing wrong

and that's making
that fucking t-shirt.

Two things wrong because,
you know, the tattoo.

In fact, three things wrong because
he wore this to the inauguration.

That's before we get
to the alleged crimes here.

I would argue a more accurate
t-shirt would probably say:

"Roger Stone Did
Literally Everything Wrong !"

Stone isn't just selling t-shirts
online to cover his legal costs.

You can also buy a hat,
a sporty tank-top,

a hoodie and a dog tag.

For those unable to wear anything
too political at work,

consider this nonpartisan
"I Love Porn Stars" t-shirt,

which "adds statement
to casually elegant appearance",

which is undeniably true.

Objectively, a statement
has been added there.

Specifically, the statement
"I Love Porn Stars".

You can't say it hasn't been !

But my favorite piece is without
a doubt this actual product:

a Roger Stone stone, an illogically
real item that consenting adults

can pay $12 for,
reduced from $15, by the way !

The stone is signed
by Roger Stone himself

and I did not think it was possible
for an ordinary rock

to somehow
become more worthless.

But this might be the perfect emblem
of this whole stupid time.

If one of the president's key allies
is a discount Dick Tracy villain,

we may as well
all face it at this point:

we've all hit
literal rock bottom.

And now this.

Conservatives' Favorite
Winston Churchill Quote.

"If you're not a liberal by the time
you're 20, you have no heart."

"Not a conservative by 40,
you have no head."

"20 and not a liberal,
you don't have a heart."

"40, not a conservative,
no brain."

Not a liberal in your youth,
no heart.

Not a conservative by 40,
you have no brain.

Not a liberal when you're
young and conservative when...

Not liberal when
you're young, you have no heart.

If you're not a socialist in your
twenties, you have no heart.

When you're in your twenties, if you're
not a socialist, you have no heart.

If you don't have a heart
when you're young,

when you're young
you need to have a heart.

When you're old you need a brain.
You're socialist when you're young.

"If you're still a socialist after 25,
you've got no head."

Who said that ?
Winston Churchill said that.

The French leader who started out as
a young radical himself once said:

"Any man who's not a socialist when
he's 20 has no heart."

"And anyone who's still a socialist
when he's 40 has no brain."

I think that was Churchill
but I'm maybe mistaken.

That was Clemenceau but it's often
misattributed to Churchill.

Moving on. Our main story
tonight concerns lawsuits,

why "Greta Thunberg
allegedly killed Jeffrey Epstein"

has the word "allegedly" in it.

We'll get to the main substance
of our story in a bit,

but I need to give you
a quick update on something.

In 2017, we aired a piece
on the coal industry

that touched on this man, Bob Murray,
the then-CEO of Murray Energy,

the largest privately-held
coal company in America.

We discussed
his closeness to President Trump,

his company's lawsuit to block a rule

intended to limit miners'
exposure to coal dust

and his insistence
that a deadly 2007 mine collapse

was the result of an earthquake,

something at odds
with a government investigation,

which found it was caused
by unauthorized practices.

Before the show went out, Murray's
attorneys had sent us two letters

warning us that if we aired
the story, he would sue

and threatening that "HBO
is in for the fight of its existence."

Might be true,
but not because of his lawsuit:

it's because "Game of Thrones"
prequels including

"Game of Thrones:
The College Years",

"Game of Thrones:
Winterfell Valley High"

and "Throne Babies: Battle For
The Rattle" will be out in a year.

HBO's gonna be fine.

We went ahead with the story
anyway, and this happened.

John Oliver is the target of a lawsuit

by one of the country's largest
coal companies.

Oliver criticized Murray Corporation
and CEO Robert Murray

Sunday on his HBO show
"Last Night Week... Last Week Tonight".

It's true ! Bob Murray sued us

after that episode of "Last Night
Week Last Week Tonight" aired.

That's not the title of our show.
I expect better

from an esteemed program like
"CBS Morning Night This Morning".

You fuck up our name,
we fuck up yours.

That was over two years ago
and ever since,

the case has been in litigation,
we haven't been able to discuss it.

Murray dropped the lawsuit,
so I have some good news:

I can finally tell you
exactly what happened.

Which is honestly worth doing,
not only because it's a crazy story

but because it points
to a much bigger problem.

But first, a little background
on the lawsuit itself.

Murray listed what he found
objectionable in our piece,

including that we described him

as someone who
"looks like a geriatric Dr. Evil",

which we did, and he does.

We arranged for a staff member
to dress up in a squirrel costume

and deliver the message:
"Eat shit, Bob !"

I don't even remember that happening.
Can we for a moment check the tape ?

It's made out to: "Eat Shit, Bob !"

Fair enough, my mistake. We did it.
It's funny the things you forget.

That "Eat shit" check was
a reference to a real thing

that one of Murray's miners wrote
on a bonus check he received.

Murray had implemented
a bonus program to his miners

based on the amount
of coal they extracted.

His workers' union objected,

believing it would have an adverse
impact on safety in the mines.

When Murray did it anyway,
the miner returned his bonus check

of, by the way, 3.22 dollars
with the words "Eat Shit Bob" on it.

The company tried to fire him.
Which seems pretty excessive.

Maybe that message was an invitation
to eat at "Shit Bob",

the airport express version
of Bob Evans.

Need a slick biscuit and some soggy
sausage slop before your flight ?

Then you have gotta...

Come on down and eat "Shit Bob".

We've all heard the jingle.
Murray asked for damages,

he claimed that nothing has ever
stressed him more than our, quote:

"vicious and untruthful attack".

Which is an odd thing to say
given that he oversaw a company

whose mine collapse in Utah resulted
in the deaths of nine people.

It went on to say we attacked Murray,
he had no opportunity to defend himself

which is just not how
anything works.

After launching his lawsuit,
Murray defended himself, very publicly.

We'll pursue it to the fullest.
This is a tragedy

and American businessmen
had better take note

as to what they are trying
to do with me,

a guy who's done nothing
in his life but follow the law,

create jobs and do everything I could,
as best I could, for our country.

These people are evil.
They are very evil.

I think "evil" is a bit much there.
You can say a lot of things about me.

That I look like a toucan who
can't sleep without a night-light.

Or, that my voice sounds like Jude Law
if he had a kazoo stuck in his throat.

But "evil" seems
like a bit of an exaggeration.

The lawsuit was a bullshit
effort to silence us,

perhaps best exemplified
by a motion that Murray filed,

to try and get a gag order to prevent
us from rebroadcasting the story

or even having it up online.

The piece is still on the internet,
big time

and you can actually find it
at StillOnTheInternetBigTime-dot-com.

Just use the shortcut.

It was no surprise when the case
was dismissed

by the West Virginia judge
who heard it last February.

We figured this whole saga
was over, right ? Well, wrong.

Murray filed an appeal to
the West Virginia Supreme Court.

A fun side note:
one of the judges set to hear our case

was Justice Allen Loughry and that
name rang something of a bell for us.

We remembered that in 2015,
we did a segment on elected judges

that commented
on one of his campaign ads.

Here is a clip from that show.

I'm Allen Loughry and I'm
running for our Supreme Court.

It's Loughry as in "law" and "free".
This is my house. Come on in.

There's the kitchen.
Something smells good !

And my family room, my wife
Kelly and our son Justus Loughry.

- That's right. Justus Loughry.
- Yes, sir !

Yep, I call my son Justus.
I call my dog Preamble.

And I call my penis The Gavel.
Vote for me !

As far as things to say about a judge
before a ruling on your case goes,

claiming that he calls his penis
"The Gavel" is not the best choice.

Even though, look at him.
He clearly does.

We were concerned at this point,
but then, in a bizarre twist,

all four justices of the state
Supreme Court, including Loughry,

were impeached, in a scandal
over inappropriate spending.

Our case wound up sitting there for
over a year. Until a few months ago,

when Murray's team
offered to drop their lawsuit.

Murray Energy recently announced it
would be reorganizing under bankruptcy,

Bob Murray will remain
the company's chairman.

What was the point of him putting us
through this in the first place ?

It's because winning the case
was never really his goal.

That brings us to the larger issue
we're gonna talk about.

SLAPP suits.
SLAPP is an acronym

that stands for "Strategic
Lawsuit Against Public Participation".

These are frivolous suits
with no legal merit,

specifically designed
to stifle public debate or dissent.

These happen all the time.
Murray is not alone

in seemingly using lawsuits
to punish and intimidate critics.

One of his good friends
has openly called for changes

that would make it easier
to file them.

I'm gonna open up our libel laws,

so when they write purposely negative
and horrible and false articles,

we can sue them
and win lots of money.

We're gonna open up
those libel laws

and we're gonna have people
sue you like you never got sued before.

Trump has been as enthusiastic
about opening up libel laws

as he's been unenthusiastic about
opening up a present from Tiffany.

I know it's a tie, you know it's a tie.

The only thing that isn't a tie
is how much I love my daughters.

Trump is famously litigious
and has launched a number

of what I would argue
are SLAPP suits.

When Tim O'Brien reported
in a book that sources close to Trump

claimed his net worth was
much lower than he claimed

and only somewhere
between 150 to 250 million,

Trump did not take that well.

When the book came out,
he didn't feel very good about it

and he sued me for defamation.

It's the biggest libel lawsuit in U.S.
history. He sued me for $5 billion.

It's true. Trump sued
that man for $5 billion !

That means if Trump had won
that lawsuit,

he would have been
worth $5.2 billion !

That's a lot of money !
He'd be a billionaire !

Trump lost, of course,
and afterward, he openly admitted

that he knew he couldn't
win, saying:

"I did it to make his life miserable,
which I'm happy about".

Which honestly makes sense.
'Cause in Trump's heart,

he's just a vindictive,
bad man.

He's the kind who thinks
"Sophie's Choice"

is about a woman who got to give up
one of her children.

Trump's statement there gets at a key
characteristic of SLAPP suits.

The whole point is to put the defendant
through a difficult experience.

Even if cases fail in lower courts,
as they often do,

the plaintiffs can find ways to extend
them through discovery requests,

depositions, and appeals that drain
the targets' time and resources.

Journalists are not the only ones
targeted with SLAPP suits.

They can be used
to silence citizen activists.

Take the residents
of Uniontown, Alabama.

After a waste disposal company
agreed to store toxic coal ash

in a landfill near their homes,
some members of a local group

posted about their concerns
on their Facebook page.

In 2016, the company behind the
landfill sued four members of the group

for $30 million.

Which is a ridiculous
amount to sue anyone for,

let alone people living in a community
where the median household income

is just $14 000.

The attorney representing the landfill
claimed that that $30 million figure

wasn't actually as bad
as it sounds.

The $30 million I think has been,
it's actually, was 15.

There were two counts
but they each contained 15.

That's okay then !
Yeah, it's not $30 million !

It's two counts,
of $15 million.

Or, you could say it's five counts of
$6 million. Or 30 counts of 1 million.

Or 3 billion counts,
each containing one cent.

The point is: math is fun !

After the ACLU stepped in to help
the residents defend themselves,

the company
withdrew the lawsuit.

But the experience
left its mark on the community.

It has scared a lot of people
for speaking up,

those individuals are afraid
to get that backlash not knowing

that's just a scare tactic to get you
to leave things alone

so they can continue
to do what they want.

She's exactly right. But the problem
with scare tactics is that they work,

because things that could hurt you
are scary.

The only people who aren't scared
of anything look like this.

Look at that smiling idiot,
able to feel joy

'cause he believes,
more than anything in the world,

his soul has been liberated
from 75-million-year-old alien spirits

that a psychiatrist paralyzed under
the pretense of income tax inspections.

Seems nice, Tommy Boy,
seems real nice.

Pretty much everyone,
from judges to legal scholars,

agrees that SLAPP suits
are a scourge.

That is why 30 states have
some form of anti-SLAPP laws

enable defendants to force plaintiffs
to justify their claim early on.

And if they can't do that,
the case is not only dismissed,

but, in some states, the defendant
is then awarded attorney's fees.

When well crafted, these
laws can strike an important balance

between protecting legitimate claims
and deterring timewasting bullshit.

The problem is,
20 states don't have those laws.

With no federal
anti-SLAPP legislation,

plaintiffs can file a suit
in one of those states,

one of which is West Virginia.

That is where Bob Murray sued us,

despite the fact that neither he
nor I, live there.

We are far from the only critics
he's sued over the years.

Not the first time Murray sued
a journalist for unfavorably coverage.

According to "The Washington Post",
he's filed at least nine lawsuits

between 2001 and 2015
for reports they saw as critical.

Since Murray likes to sue,

we're not gonna say another word
about him as a journalist here.

I get that he is joking there,
but that is also the culture of fear

that Murray
may be trying to create here.

Lawsuits like his make people
think twice before reporting

on his business
or pointing things out,

like the fact that Murray's face
answers the question:

"What if an egg
was mentally undressing you ?"

I would argue...
Eyes up here, egg.

Some of Murray's suits have been
attempts to bully people into silence,

sometimes over incredibly
trivial slights.

He's sued an editorial cartoonist
over this unflattering cartoon of him.

Which is just pathetic.
Who sues a cartoonist ?

You think I'm gonna go to court
over this thing that I found online,

which appears to be me
presenting a tiered cake

made with syringes,
condoms and broken glass ?

I can only assume
that's a metaphor for this show,

in which case, nailed it,
no notes.

Murray has also sued this couple,
James and Lisa Ciocia.

In 2012, they held a protest outside
Murray Energy's Ohio headquarters,

with only about 20 people
marching around.

It looked like this.

And that has to be the least
intimidating protest I have ever seen.

One sign calls him "Mr. Murray"
and another is in serif font !

It's less a protest and more
an inter-office memo.

Murray sued not only the Ciocias
but also a local newspaper,

"The Chagrin Valley Times",
for their coverage of it.

Both the Ciocias and the newspaper
beat Murray's claims for defamation.

He tied them both up
in appeals for years.

The newspaper's defense cost
hundreds of thousands of dollars.

The appellate court judge explicitly
wrote in his decision

that Murray's suit shows why Ohio
should adopt an anti-SLAPP statute,

pointing out that the paper had
removed all their coverage of Murray

from their site,
which the judge said was

"an example of the chilling effects
a suit like this has."

And that is the point here... Lawsuits
are like famous Instagram pugs.

They don't have to work
to be considered very successful.

And by cultivating a reputation
for being aggressively litigious,

Murray may have
got what he wanted,

and successfully applied
a chokehold on how he is covered.

While it is hard to show you
an un-reported story,

we did stumble on
two ongoing lawsuits

involving Murray that
have got almost no press.

Which is strange, because
once you hear the details,

you'll agree
they probably should have.

Murray discloses that
two women who had worked for him

had alleged
"harassment and the perpetration"

"of a hostile work
environment by Mr. Murray".

He denies,
but also admits paying those women

considerable sums of money
in confidential settlements.

In a separate, ongoing lawsuit,
a different former employee

alleges there were attempts
by Murray to kiss her,

pulling her into him to, quote:
"cop a feel"

and calling her into his office
to give him hot water with lemon

while he was wearing
nothing but his underwear.

What possible thought process
could have led to that ?

Let's see, I'm horny, I've got
a little bit of a sore throat

and I'd like to solve both problems

in a way that makes a female
employee feel subhuman.

I've got it ! Bob, you've done it
again, you clever little coal goblin.

Wait, it gets worse. The same complaint
also claims Murray had the plaintiff,

get on her hands and knees to locate
or pick up items for him,

including one time when she was
required to find a small hard object

and he only told her
after she found it

that it was a kidney stone
he'd fished out of the toilet.

I know that
that is absolutely nauseating,

but remember, you chose this,
you all chose to be here.

Everyone in this audience
could have gone to see "Stomp".

Tickets are now available from $50 !
A great deal for a classic NY show.

It's not gonna blow your mind:
it's "Stomp".

But it's been around for
30 years for good reason

and that reason is at no point
do they force their audience

to imagine this man fishing out
his own kidney stone.

It's a good show.
Now I have to tell you,

Murray denies those allegations,
which he says are concocted

and claims the woman
is using the litigation as a vehicle

to harass and embarrass him,
to strong-arm him into a settlement.

I will also tell you that
one of her colleagues backed her up,

saying she told her the kidney
stone story at the time,

and had described Murray as screaming
at her to "find it, find it !"

What was possibly the rush ?
Was Murray honestly worried

that someone else was gonna
find his pee pebble first ?

I've got it ! Bob's cock rock !
I'm gonna be a millionaire !

It's hard to find the right response
to all of that once you've heard it.

I do think a seven-foot squirrel
quoting a justifiably angry miner

may have actually said it best.

Eat shit, Bob !

Exactly, beautifully put.

It's a little weird that these
lawsuits didn't get wider coverage.

These are serious allegations
of workplace misconduct

involving the chairman of the
largest private coal company,

a highly public figure who brags about
his closeness to the president

and his role in shaping
energy and environmental policy.

Organizations are justifiably wary
of getting sued by Murray.

Even if they are baseless,
his lawsuits can do major damage.

Ours wound up costing
over $200 000 in legal fees,

and even though our insurance covered
part of it and we were lucky

that HBO stood by us,
this lawsuit was infuriating,

took up a lot of time
and resources and resulted

in a tripling of our libel
insurance premiums,

despite the fact that
we fucking won this case.

We badly need effective anti-SLAPP
laws nationwide

to deter powerful people like
Bob Murray from using the courts

to shut down
people's legitimate dissent.

I know that after tonight,
Murray will probably sue us again,

even though everything I've said
has been vetted by our lawyers,

who, may I add,
are getting very tired with us.

When we reached out to Murray
to review the details

we planned to use,
he wrote a letter back,

not addressed directly to us
but to our bosses at AT&T and HBO,

saying we were
"falsely vilifying" him,

launching "scurrilous attacks"

and arguing that none
of his lawsuits are SLAPP suits,

which they absolutely are.

So, I guess, here we go again.

It is yet another Bob Murray attempt
to bully people into silence.

He's been doing this for decades.

I will stand behind our first piece,
and I'll stand behind this one.

As for the jokes that we made,
we are more than covered there.

The judge in our case pointed out
the Supreme Court has protected

loose, figurative language

that cannot reasonably be understood
to convey facts about someone.

Basically, jokes are fine.

It would be really tempting
to say a bunch of loose,

figurative things
about Bob Murray right now.

Not just on our behalf, but on behalf
of every small newspaper

and individual that he has sued,
of every employee ill-treated

and who may've wanted to tell him
to, say, eat shit, but couldn't.

I have some bad news
and some good news for you.

The bad news is, the last two years
have just been too exhausting,

so I am not going to say anything
more about Bob Murray.

The good news is, why would I,
when I can simply sing it instead ?

Maestro, please !

We went to court
against the world's worst sport.

And learned important lessons
on the way.

We spoke with perfect candor.
And got accused of slander.

'Cause Bob Murray
wants to make us pay.

So, even though he'll threaten
legal Armageddon,

We have just one tiny thing
to say:

Bob Murray can go fuck
himself today.

Ladies and gentlemen, to help me
respond to Bob Murray's bullshit,

please welcome to the show
the "Suck My Balls, Bob" Dancers.

Bob, watch this !

He went to the Louvre
and spit in Mona Lisa's face !

Filled a rocket
with puppies and he shot it into space.

He bludgeoned Nancy Kerrigan
and watched her cry for fun.

He murdered Archduke Ferdinand
and started World War I.

If we discuss Murray in a way

no reasonable person could
construe as factual,

we can say
whatever the fuck we like !

So, come on, everyone,
let's head to the streets.

He'll stroll into a stranger's home
and jizz right in their Wheaties.

He watches "Steel Magnolias"
and roots for diabetes.

He wrote the Macarena and
he dots his I's with hearts.

- And even worse, he likes to blame...
- Malala for his farts.

What's the big idea ?

We're using protected speech
to tell Bob Murray to eat shit.

The guy who dipped his balls
in my hot dog water ?

- That's exactly who I'm talking about.
- Can I bring my cart ?

- It's not ideal.
- It'll be fine if I leave it here ?

I don't know !

He doesn't like Tom Hanks.
He cut off Van Gogh's ear.

Told Hitler to quit painting
and to find a new a career.

- Masturbates to "Schindler's List".
- "Old Yeller" makes him hard.

He was Cosby's drug supplier,
Jeffrey Epstein's prison guard.

Stop, everybody. Please stop.

John, as HBO's legal counsel,
please stop.

I have something important to say.

One day at the M&M store,
Bob Murray walks through the door.

He wasn't wearing pants that day,
his dick and balls on full display.

He grabbed M&Ms from a bowl
and crammed them up his...

Anal hole.

He spread his butt cheeks far and wide,
he told the tourists to look inside.

He said my rectum's
full of treats.

Reach in there
and grab some sweets.

These are all real things
Bob Murray did.

See you in court, fuck face !

Look ! It's Mr. Nutterbutter.

We're singing about Bob Murray.
I believe you've heard of him.

- The Zodiac Killer ?
- That's the one.

My friends and I have
a little something to say about him.

Bob Murray is a furry.

Putting aside our personal quarrels,

- The man fucks...
- Squirrels.

The man fucks squirrels.

Eat shit, Bob.

I know where we should go !

Eat shit, Bob !

Bob, is this as bad as you feared ?

It doesn't count as slander
'cause it's way too weird.

We made up these anecdotes,
they're silly and insane.

It could go on and on and on.
And on, and on...

But we will stop this song we wrote.
We may have fried your brain.

So, eat shit, Bob !

LAST WEEK TONIGHT
WITH JOHN OLIVER

END OF EPISODE 29,
SEASON VI