Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (2014–…): Season 6, Episode 2 - Psychics - full transcript

Psychics is something fun to talk about. But John Oliver talks about the alarming fact that 4 out of 10 believe in psychics (according to a research). And it is alarming that they swindle ...

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Welcome, welcome, welcome
to "Last Week Tonight."

I'm John Oliver.
Thank you so much for joining us.

Just time for a quick
recap of the week.

Bernie Sanders announced
he's running for president again,

the odds of Paul Manafort dying
in prison increased considerably,

and the president is preparing
to appoint this man, William Happer,

to head up a climate change panel,
a man who has previously spoken

of his love
of carbon dioxide, like this:

The demonization of carbon dioxide

is just like the demonization
of the poor Jews under Hitler.

Carbon dioxide is, actually a benefit
to the world, and so were the Jews.



What are you talking about?

I think the most damning part of a
sentence entirely made of damning parts

is "so were the Jews."

He knows they still exist, right?

Unless he also disputes the overwhelming
scientific consensus

published recently in the study,
"There are still Jews."

Instead of going down
that wormhole,

I'd like to talk tonight
about North Carolina:

of the two Carolinas, without a doubt,
one of them.

Now, this week,
there was a dramatic development

in the state's
Ninth Congressional District.

Ballot chaos--
a new election is ordered

in that undecided congressional race
in North Carolina.

Allegations of tampering and fraud
still surrounding the election



nearly four months
after voters went to the polls.

It's true. Their election from last year
is still unsettled,

and you shouldn't have
to wait so long

to find out something
that important.

I stopped watching
"The Masked Singer"

when I realized I'd have to wait
a week to find out who the Bee is.

Who's the Bee?
I don't even care,

and the wait is killing me.

This story's incredible.
Back in November, it appeared

that former Baptist pastor Mark Harris
had won the election by just 905 votes,

and as you may have guessed
from his aggressive side part,

Harris is a piece of work.

He's called Ted Cruz
his political hero,

argued that the availability of abortion
leads to mass shootings,

and told the story of a pastor
who asked congregants to protest

a certain ABC sitcom in the 1970s,

and I'll let him pick up things
from there.

It was gonna be about a guy
living with two girls,

and the only way the landlord
was going to allow it to happen

was the guy had to play
like he was a homosexual,

he was gay.

He wasn't gay,
but he had to pretend to be,

and that was the whole premise
of "Three's Company."

Here's what Clyde Bearden said.

He said, "The devil knows

"that if they can get us
to laugh at it now,

"we're only one generation away

"from being asked to accept it

as a purely alternative
lifestyle."

So let me get this straight, Mark.

Satan was an ABC development executive
in the 1970s,

and "Three's Company," a show with
no actual gay characters in it,

was his project to destroy America.

Are you absolutely sure
it wasn't a show

about a glamorous nautical
fuck-palace

or the one about an illegal immigrant
made entirely out of cocaine?

Are you sure about that?

People soon began
questioning Harris' victory,

particularly given
his disproportionate share

of the mail-in absentee votes
in Bladen County.

When authorities looked at his primary,
things got more suspicious,

because in that same county, he received
437 mail-in absentee votes,

while his opponent,
Robert Pittenger,

who happened to be the three-term
incumbent, got just 17,

and that is a red flag.

It would only make sense
if Pittenger's campaign slogan

was "Pittenger 2018:
Fuck Bladen County!"

And as the suspicions grew,

Harris' behavior
did not exactly dispel them.

North Carolina candidate
Mark Harris

chose to not speak to reporters tonight
after a GOP meeting

next door
to the city council meeting,

but the way he made his exit
had the whole building buzzing.

Harris set off the fire alarm on his way
out a back door into his car.

You can see Mark Harris running
across the street toward his car,

taking off his jacket
and eventually driving away.

Holy shit.

It's like watching the Beatles dart
through a backstage exit to outrun fans,

except instead
of "The Ed Sullivan Show,"

it's the Charlotte-Mecklenburg
government center,

and instead of lovesick teenagers,
it's WBTV's David Hodges,

and instead of the Beatles,
it's a 52-year-old minister named Mark,

the equivalent of four Ringos.

Now, suspicions soon centered around
a consultant that Harris had hired,

Leslie McCrae Dowless,

veteran political operative
and suburban Obi-Wan Kenobi,

and he'd previously admitted
under oath

that he had paid workers to collect
absentee ballots from voters in 2016,

which is a felony there.

Harris claims that he had no idea
Dowless might be a problem,

but this week, in a hearing
with the state election board,

Harris' own son testified that

he'd repeatedly and explicitly
warned his father.

Heard about this McCrae guy.

You know, seems to me like he may be
kind of a shady character.

I expressed my concerns,

based on everything that I did know
up to that point,

mainly my belief

that McCrae had engaged
in collecting ballots in 2016,

and I told him that collecting ballots
was a felony.

I thought what he was doing
was illegal, and I was right.

Wow. Most of us can only dream
about saying "I was right"

to our dads in an official setting.

This guy just lived that dream.

I only wish he'd brought up every other
instance of his dad being wrong.

"I was right about the garage door
opener, about the turnpike

"being the fastest way
to get to the movies,

"and I knew
that birds weren't mammals.

"They're birds, Dad.
Birds is its own thing.

"I fucking knew birds was its own thing,
and you didn't, Dad.

"Birds are birds, Dad.
Birds are birds."

And when asked why he'd ignored
all of his son's warnings,

Mark Harris' pushback
was not impressive.

I'm his dad,

and I know he's judg--
a little judgmental,

and has a little taste
of arrogance...

Ooh, excuse me?
A taste of arrogance?

It's an incredibly obnoxious thing
to say about your own son,

but a perfect name for a restaurant
owned by Alec Baldwin.

It's--it's quite an experience.

The waiter screams the menu at you,
and then punches you in the face.

You really must go.

As all this evidence piled up,

what was meant to be a one-day hearing
became four,

and things got worse and worse
for Harris.

On Thursday, his own lawyer interrupted
his testimony to ask for a recess,

after which Harris did a complete
U-turn, claiming recent health problems

had impacted his ability
to recall events accurately,

and saying this:

It has become clear to me
that the public's confidence

in the Ninth District seat
general election

has been undermined to an extent

that a new election is warranted.

And that is the verbal equivalent
of running out an emergency exit

and setting off a fire alarm,

I'd love to keep making fun of this
story, but as Harris will tell you,

the danger is, if they can get us
to laugh at it now,

we're just one generation away

from being asked to accept
committing election fraud

as a purely alternative lifestyle.

And now, this:

And now...

The two elderly men

crashed their minivan
on their way to the local fair

The driver, 83-year-old
James Billingsley...

AKA "Dimples the Clown"...

Their water has been shut off

because the state
can't pay the bill.

IDOT says it's because
there's no state bu--

No state budget.

The FSU quarterback

will not play in the Peach Bowl

because of a family issue.

Death in the family
is the rumor, Thomas.

Certainly is.
You gotta love that, though?

Investigators believe a bomb caused
the explosion on the plane,

which had taken off from the Somali
capital of Mogadishu.

The blast blew a hole
in the side of the plane,

and one of the 74 passengers
on board was sucked out.

Christine Blasey Ford

testified

she was sexually assaulted.

- We can't laugh.
- Sorry.

Moving on, our main story tonight
concerns psychics,

the only people with more misplaced
confidence than Michael Avenatti.

You probably haven't thought about
psychics in a while, which is weird--

there's not much else going on--

but if you watch daytime TV at all,

you'll see that they pop up
all the time.

My next guest started communicating with
the dead when she was a toddler.

She's a wife and a mom who also happens
to talk to dead people.

Please welcome
celebrity pet psychic--

Our next guest
is a clairvoyant to the stars.

We're back with a group of friends
who share a very unique bond:

they are all psychic.

It's good that at least Dr. Oz
isn't wearing scrubs in that clip,

but I'd still like him to do more

to signal he lacks credibility
as a medical professional.

A sandwich sign
that says "Walking Joke"

is the clothing choice
I'd be comfortable with.

Before we go any further,
I am not going to be litigating

whether psychics are real or not.

For one, they're not.
See? No litigation required.

Also, for anyone who does believe
in psychic powers,

I know nothing I could say
would convince you otherwise.

Logic isn't the reason you believe,
and it won't be the reason you stop,

which is not to say I won't be showing
clips of psychics fucking up,

but that is only because
it's really funny.

This is a girl who you said

was beaten and killed.

- Okay.
- This little girl is me...

And you told somebody
that she's dead.

Wait a minute.

You didn't disappear?

- I'm right here.
- Well, that's interesting, isn't it?

Yeah, that is interesting.

I guess her psychic abilities
didn't include

predicting when she'd be humiliated
on national television.

And look, it is easy to dismiss
psychics as a joke.

Really easy.
Fun, too.

But the fact of the matter is,

one recent poll found four in ten
Americans believe in psychics.

Think about it.
Statistically, out of all the people

who saw John Travolta's "Gotti" movie,
four of them believe in psychics,

so whether they are real
or not is incidental.

What matters is a lot of people
think they are,

and the psychic industry is larger
and grimmer than you assume.

By one estimate,
it's a $2.2 billion industry,

and there has been a lot
of predatory behavior.

When the FDC settled charges

with the companies behind
the Psychic Readers Network in 2002,

the one that featured Miss Cleo,

they found that
over one three-year period,

they had charged people about $1 billion
and had collected half of it.

They took in $500 million.

I had no idea
psychics could make that much money.

It's like finding out the second-richest
person behind Jeff Bezos,

is this GameStop employee
named Greg.

I mean, good for Greg, I guess,
but now I've got a lot of questions

about GameStop
and literally everything else.

So tonight, let's take a look
at the psychic industry,

particularly one of the most insidious
parts of it: mediums,

who claim to be able
to communicate with the dead.

They are everywhere on TV.

Some even have
their own reality shows.

She's a professional psychic.

It's me, Mary O.
Madonna mia!

"Mary Knows Best."

"Hollywood Medium," on E!.

"Psychic Tia" on A&E.

"Mama Medium,"
November 5th at 9:00 on TLC.

Spirit is important to me, just as
important as my hair and my nails.

"Long Island Medium," only on TLC.

The crazy thing about these shows

is how they choose to focus
on the psychics' personal lives.

Who gives a shit about that?

If I believed they could communicate
with the dead,

it's the only thing
I'd want to see them doing.

The Long Island medium
can ask Abraham Lincoln,

Gandhi, and Shakespeare
anything she wants,

so tune in next week,
as she thinks about getting bangs.

And look, I will admit

mediums make for compelling TV.

Most people have seen at least one
bring someone to tears

with messages from dead loved ones
like this:

Did you lose your husband, ma'am?
Your husband wants to thank you

for caring for him and for allowing him
to leave the physical world

with dignity and grace.

That woman is clearly genuinely touched,
although I will say that it is weird

that the conduit to the afterlife
is, for some reason, Theresa Caputo,

proof of what would happen if you added
too much baking soda to Edie Falco.

And while watching people tear up
can seem incredible,

the techniques that psychics use
to achieve that

are significantly less incredible,

'cause there are two basic techniques
that psychics tend to use.

The first is called cold reading.

It's basically taking
high-probability guesses

like "I'm sensing a loved one
who had problems in the chest area,"

or "Is there a J or an M
in a loved one's name?"

Here is some cold reading in action.

All right,

and is there a D-- like a Daniel?

David? Like, there's a big D,
so for me, it's initials,

it's months of the year,
like December being important...

Who is the M-R name?
Mark? Mary? Marie?

They don't have to be passed.
They could be here.

Either Maureen, Mary Anne-- there's
an M name. Where's the M connection?

Does someone have a scar
on the b--on the foot?

- I do.
- Thank you, your daddy's telling me

there's a scar on your foot.

She departed of Alzheimer's, some type
of dementia, something of the brain,

and you had to make decisions
connected to her departure.

Did anybody have either a brain tumor,
brain aneurysm,

or a cerebral hemorrhage?

Not connected to him?
Not connected to you.

Somebody behind you had that.

Oh. Someone behind her had that.

Nice save, buddy!

It often turns out that a psychic's
wrong guess is just energy

from somewhere else in the room,

a room that's very likely
to have someone

with one of the problems he listed,
because cerebrovascular diseases

are the fifth-leading cause
of death in the United States.

It's like asking a room
full of praying mantises,

"Has anybody here lost a loved one
'cause you ate them after sex?"

You know all those little green hands
are going up.

The secret of cold reading
is the broader the generality,

the more it could resonate with someone.

It's the same reason
that fortune cookies

predict "romantic developments
ahead" and not

"Your wife will seem icy
around the 12th of the month,

"because when she asked you
to handle the grout in the shower,

"she didn't mean, 'keep her abreast
of every step of the grouting process.'

"She wanted it off her plate,

"and texts during the workday
asking if she thinks the landlord

"will ask for plumber's insurance--
that's not off her plate.

"That's you filling up the plate
instead of the plumber.

"Does that make sense, Aaron?

"It's like the garbage disposal
installation again!

Lucky numbers 8, 14, and 23."

And sometimes,

psychics may make
laughably sure bets.

For instance, here's John Edward,
in Huntington, Long Island,

a town where nearly one in five
residents are of Irish ancestry.

Is there a Brian Flanagan
or a O'Flynn

or O'Sullivan

or Reilly

or some type of...
who's passed?

Brian O' something?
Flanagan, Sullivan, like that?

What are you doing?

"Brian O'Flanagan
or O'Flynn or O' something"--

you're supposed to be speaking
to people's dead relatives,

not trying to guess the name
of the Lucky Charms mascot.

And for the record,
that leprechaun's name:

If that surprises you, maybe update
your antiquated Irish stereotypes.

Once a psychic has you on the hook,
they use your responses,

as well as nonverbal cues
you may be giving them,

to make narrower
and narrower guesses

until you're amazed
at what they've done.

Of course, it's not an exact science--
it's not a science at all--

and sometimes, things do go wrong.

Let's pick up
John Edward's reading

with the family of Brian O' something,
as he doubles down on a bad guess.

I'm kind of getting the feeling
of not liking the older female.

Like, not liking the mother figure,
so if you tell me you didn't like--

his father's mother,
I would understand that.

- No, you've got the wrong Brian, then.
- I don't think I do.

I don't think so.
I can't tell you what you want to hear.

Only what they're showing me. If he's
calling your mom a bitch, I'll say it.

Oh, my God. Now, look, say what you want
about John Edward.

He's sticking to his guns there.
None of that,

"maybe this bitch energy is coming from
somewhere else in the room" this time.

No, this time,
he chooses to go for it.

"Brian thinks Grandma's a bitch,
and you know what? So do I now.

"In fact, hang on.
Amelia Earhart just came through,

"and she called Grandma the C-word,

"so don't be mad with me,
be mad at Amelia Earhart."

Cold reading is basically a magic trick,
and yet prominent, smart people

are willing to co-sign
on psychic's abilities.

A few years ago, Tyler Henry,
the Hollywood medium

and anime drawing of Jared Kushner,

went on the Today Show to do a reading
of one of their anchors,

and I'm afraid that it's
the exact "Today" show anchor

that you are hoping-
slash-dreading it is.

There's a reference to fishing,

but he's talking
about being spoken out loud to.

I know what this is, actually.

I don't know if you're aware of this,
but he is acknowledging

an individual be out on a boat

and I feel like I'm sitting alone and
I'm fishing, and I'm thinking, "Dad,"

and... he's having me acknowledge
this feeling

of, like, "I'm there with you."

You know, my dad
shared two passions with me.

He shared golf and fishing.

- Nice.
- And, I do go out

and fish a lot alone on a boat,

and this idea that--

that that might be a time

to communicate with him

or that he is attempting
to communicate...

- Yeah.
- Is... Is phenomenal to me.

Yeah, phenomenal.

It's clear that Matt Lauer is touched,
and this time,

he didn't have to pressure a subordinate
into doing it.

And now look, look, maybe,

Tyler Henry just took a shot
that an older, straight, white male

was upwards of lukewarm
toward fishing.

If he did,
that would be cold reading,

but he may be using the other technique,
of hot reading,

which involves doing
prior research on a subject.

He could've read articles where Lauer
talks of his dad's passion for fishing,

or seen interviews
that Lauer gave, like this one.

My dad taught me how to fish.
When I stand in a trout stream,

with the waders on and the fly rod
in my hand or I'm fishing for bass,

I think about sitting
in a boat with my dad.

Look, maybe Tyler Henry
genuinely accessed the afterlife,

which would fundamentally change our
understanding of everything on Earth,

or maybe he just Googled
"Matt Lauer dad"

and hit the fucking jackpot.

So--so to recap,

hot reading, researching people
beforehand,

the even lazier skill
than cold reading,

which involves
indiscriminately shouting

the names of dead Irishmen
in a hotel ballroom.

And what's surprising is,
whichever technique Tyler used,

Lauer fell for it,
and he is smart.

He's a sophisticated
Manhattan sex monster,

but--but he fell for it, hard,

so hard he wanted to make it clear
to the viewers at home

that this was way more
than just your standard TV bullshit.

I tell you, I got home, I cried.
I did plenty of crying.

- It's amazing.
- We wanna let you know,

season two of "Hollywood Medium
with Tyler Hen--"

it almost seems weird to be doing it
as a promo now,

because it was so much more important
to me than a promo--

it premieres Wednesday, August 10th,
on our sister network, E!

Everything about that is a bit strange,
not least the fact that it's weird

to envision a scenario where something
happened at the Today show offices

and Matt Lauer was the one
who went home and cried,

and, look, look,

you can see

why people are vulnerable
to psychics.

A message from a lost loved one
is something many grieving people

would do anything for,
and psychics may tell themselves

that they offer a harmless way
to deal with loss.

Just watch as Theresa Caputo
pretty much spells that out

in response
to a fairly obvious question.

So when a tragedy happens--
let's say a murder.

- Yeah.
- If somebody comes to a loved one

and the spirit of the person
who was murdered is there,

could that spirit potentially tell you
who did it?

They will acknowledge

maybe the relationship,

but never will call someone out
on a name.

- Why is that?
- My thing--how I use my gift

is I only want messages that will help
someone for the healing process.

Oh, come on! First, to be clear,
if I was murdered,

I would definitely name names
as a ghost.

It's not like one of the rules in heaven
is "ghost snitches get ghost stitches."

As we all know, the only rule in heaven
is "no fucking the clouds."

Seriously, it's a real problem
up there,

and to be fair, I get it.
They're so fluffy!

And you might say at this point,

"Hold on.
Where is the downside

in telling people
their grandmother loved them,"

but I would argue that at best,
it is reckless

for a stranger to take a stab
at ventriloquizing the dead.

Loss is complicated, and mourning
doesn't look the same for everyone.

But at worst, when psychic abilities
are presented as authentic,

it emboldens a vast underworld
of unscrupulous vultures

happy to make money by offering
an open line to the afterlife,

as well as
many other bullshit services.

Take Rose Marks.
She ran a lucrative psychic ring,

and in 2014, went to prison for
defrauding clients of over $17 million,

much of which came from best-selling
author Jude Deveraux,

who Marks had promised
to reconnect with her dead son,

and the sick thing is,
parents in crisis

are frequently
actively targeted by psychics

at their most desperate moments.

John and Jo Ann Lowitzer
have been searching

for their 17-year-old daughter,
Ali, since she vanished last year,

but when the case
made national news...

The Houston parents say
they became inundated with calls

from so-called psychic detectives.

They say some even showed up
at their front door,

promising their psychic visions
could help bring Ali home.

He guaranteed me that he'd find Ali
in three days.

I mean, what parent
wouldn't be excited

to hear you're gonna have
your daughter home in three days?

That is absolutely horrible.

The last thing
any parent needs in that situation

is having to fend off
an attention-seeking parasite

who feeds off personal tragedy
like a human-sized deer tick,

and the problem is, TV actively enables
that ghoulishness.

"The Montel Williams Show"
featured Sylvia Browne,

a known psychic who advised parents with
missing children on how to locate them.

On one episode, she advised
the mother of Amanda Berry,

a missing child
who had been kidnapped.

Amanda was actually alive and watching
that episode from captivity,

and after she eventually escaped,

she talked
about how watching it had felt.

I'd watch her
every time she was on Montel,

and wish my mom would go on there,
and she could tell my mom

that I was alive and that I'm okay.

- She's--
- But Sylvia Browne

breaks Louwana's hope.

I just hate this.
She's not alive, honey.

I just broke down, crying,
I couldn't believe she said that,

and then my mom broke down, crying,

so that hurt even worse.

That is heartbreaking,

and Sylvia Browne is clearly
an awful person for doing that,

but I would argue that Montel
also bears some blame

for giving Browne a platform
to begin with.

Put it this way. If Oprah interviewed
a live alligator

and it ate four members
of her audience,

I'd be angry with the alligator, but
I'd also be kind of angry with Oprah.

Sylvia Browne actually died
a few years ago, or did she?

People have been wrong
about that sort of thing before.

Maybe she's alive, and watching me
refer to her as dead.

The one thing I know for sure is that
Montel's show is definitely deceased,

but--but daytime shows
are still holding hands with this shit.

Just last month, Dr. Phil
had a psychic detective on

to help solve a cold case,

and why would he do that?

The only logical explanation for letting
a professional guesser weigh in

would be if Dr. Phil
was actually the murderer

and was trying
to throw people off the scent,

but apart from that explanation,
that now makes sense,

there is no explanation,
although I will say this.

Every now and then,
when handled responsibly,

a psychic on television
is a delightful thing.

Watch this spectacular
local news investigation

of a psychic named Debra Dominque,
who, in exchange for $160,

met an undercover reporter
at a Denny's.

Our producer met her
at a coffee shop,

saying she wants to know
what happened to Matthew,

the 10-year-old boy in this photo.

It's so tragic.

After staring at his photo,
she uses a special pendulum,

claiming it allows her
to talk with the dead.

They're saying
he's not alive anymore.

And then she claims she has connected
directly with Matthew.

But is he? Because we're pretty sure
Matthew, the boy in this photo,

is not wearing white or in heaven.

In fact, we know he's wearing black,
and is alive,

because you're looking at him
sitting in the booth right behind her.

Yep.

That boy is indeed
in the opposite of heaven.

He's in a Denny's.

But wait. Wait till you see
exactly how they bust her,

because it is just perfect.

- Kurtis Ming, Channel 13. How are you?
- I'm fine.

Showing her
the picture of Matthew,

she tells me
she thinks he was taken.

I understand you said
you thought he was deceased.

- Yes, I believe he could be.
- I've got news for you.

It might come as a shock,
but he's very much alive.

- Oh, that's great.
- And he's actually standing

right behind you right now.

Oh, boy.

That's great.
That's great.

It is great.

It is great. It's utter perfection.
The only way that could have been better

is if the first thing that kid said
to her was "Hey, Mom,"

and I would argue that that
is the only responsible way

to put a psychic on television:

humiliating them with a ghost boy
in a Denny's parking lot,

because this surprisingly large,
often predatory industry

relies on popular culture
to lend it credence and validity.

To put it another way, every time
a psychic makes a widow cry on "Dr. Oz,"

ten con artists get their wings,

and that is a problem,
because there will always be people

who feel an urge to reach out
to psychics in their time of need,

so if you or someone you know
is one of them,

I may have a small way to help here.

But this isn't the best format
for me to show you, so please,

join me on the set of my new
daytime talk show instead.

Welcome back to "Wakey Wakey
with John Oliver."

It's sometime between 9:00
and 3:00 in the afternoon,

and my next guest
is a Staten Island psychic

and author of the book,

"These Freaking Spirits,
Lemme Tell Ya."

Please welcome Wanda Jo Oliver.

Thank you.

Thank you.
Thank you.

Thank you for having me, John.
Thank you.

It's lovely to have you.
If you look familiar to some viewers,

it might be because
you're also my beloved wife.

- Yeah. I'm his freaking angel.
- She is, she is.

Quick question, Wanda Jo.
What happened to your accent?

- Aren't you from the South?
- I'm not from there anymore.

That makes sense. Now, Wanda,
when did you first realize

that you had
incredible psychic abilities?

Oh, well, it was right after
I saw a thing on TV

about how much money
psychics can make,

and suddenly, I was like,
"Me, too!"

"#MeToo."

Oh, no. That's not--
that's actually a different thing.

#MeToo. Anyway,
that's when I realized

I had to share my gift
with the world.

Wanda Jo, I understand you've graciously
offered to give our viewers

-...psychic readings for free. Right?
-Bingo-bango.

As part
of a court-ordered settlement,

I've been forced
to set up a website.

Just log on now, and you can get
a "freeading" from me,

Wanda Jo, just like this.

Okay, they want me
to acknowledge an M connection.

That can mean Mark,
or Mary, or Megan.

It could be someone passed or alive.
It also doesn't have to be a name.

Could be any word that starts with M
or has an M somewhere in it--

maybe "museum" or "hamper."

It could be an upside-down M,
like a W,

or a sideways M, like a 3 or an E.

Anyway, that person. He--or she--
wants me to tell you

that the time you had together
was really special to him-- or her.

Wow, that is phenomenal to me,

and it almost seems weird to be
doing this as a promo now,

because Wanda gave me
a reading yesterday,

and it was
so much more important to me

than a promo.
I cried all the way home.

Yeah.

I told him none of his dead relatives
wanted to talk to him.

That's so them.

The point is, go to Wanda Jo
the Free Psychic,

We promise it will be
exactly as accurate

as any psychic reading
that you would pay money for.

Oh, wait. I'm getting a voice through
for someone at home. Hold on.

- Your grandmother's a bitch!
- Wow, okay.

That's our show.
Thanks for watching!

See you next week!
Good night!

You can't argue with that.
You can't argue with a spirit.

If they say "bitch," it's a bitch.

- They said she was a bitch.
- It's a bitch.

The book is fantastic.

- Buy the book.
- Please buy the book.

- Buy the book, please.
- Please buy the book.

On all good bookshelves now.