Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (2014–…): Season 4, Episode 17 - Vaccines - full transcript

John discusses people that are afraid to vaccinate their children out of fear.

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Season IV
Episode 17

Welcome to Last Week Tonight.

I'm John Oliver.
Thank you for joining us.

Look, before we begin:
you may remember, last week,

we did a story about coal,
the reason Dick Van Dyke looked

like he spent all of Mary Poppins
in blackface.

One of the coal company CEOs
that we mentioned

was not particularly thrilled
with how the piece turned out.

Oliver is the target of a lawsuit by
one of privately-owned coal company.

Oliver criticized
Murray Energy Corporation

and CEO Robert Murray on his show
Last Night Week Last Week Tonight.

It's true ! We here at the show
"Last Night Week Last Week Tonight"

are currently being sued
by Bob Murray, CEO of Murray Energy.

I desperately want to talk to you
about this tonight.

Our lawyers suggested that the courts
be the venue where we work this out.

But I promise we will tell you
all about this, as soon as it is over.

Of course, Mr. Nutterbutter will get
a chance to tell his side of the story.

Of course he will.
But for now, for now tonight,

let's move on to President Trump,
two words that don't belong together,

but that we're all getting used
to hearing out loud,

like "Instagram celebrity"
or "Ansel Elgort".

Back in May, Trump suggested on
Twitter that he may have tapes

of his conversations with deposed
FBI director and Slenderman alter-ego

James Comey.

On Thursday, Trump finally
admitted that he had no such tapes

and offered up
this rationale for his claim.

I didn't tape him. You never
know what's happening

when you see that Obama administration
and perhaps longer than that,

was doing all of this unmasking and
surveillance you read all about it.

I've been reading about it
for the last couple of months,

about the horrible situation with
surveillance all over the place,

and you've been hearing
the word unmasking,

a word you
probably never heard before.

So you never know
what's out there,

I don't have
any tape and I didn't tape.

What the fuck was that ?

Whenever Trump talks,
it's like a cross between

a lottery machine
that spits out words

and a Speak-and-Spell
that just fell into a toilet.

But he wasn't done.
Trump had not yet explained

the strategic brilliance of how
his tweet influenced Comey.

Wait for the reporter's
follow-up at the end.

When he found out that
there may be tapes out there,

whether it's governmental tapes
or anything else and who knows,

his story may have changed,
you'll have to take a look at that,

because then he has to tell what
took place at the events,

my story was always a straight
story, my story was always the truth,

but you'll have to determine
whether or not his story changed,

but I did not tape.

It was a smart way to make sure
he stayed honest, in those hearings.

It wasn't very stupid,
I can tell you that.

"It wasn't very stupid." Let's break
down what just happened there.

First: world-class reporting,
Fox News,

you held his feet
to the fire there.

Second: he seemed justifiably taken
off-guard by that compliment.

Third: think about
what he just said.

He didn't just admit to misleading
the American public.

He also implied that doing so
may've swayed Comey's testimony

which, if that was his intent,
could constitute witness tampering.

He then implied he made Comey tell
the truth about their conversations,

seemingly verifying Comey's account,
which is damaging to the president.

Trump might be right,
it wasn't "very stupid".

It was extraordinarily stupid.

All this served to distract from
the important business in Washington

concerning the Senate's new
Obamacare replacement bill,

the "Better Care Reconciliation Act",
released on Thursday,

and denounced
by many Democrats.

Obama took to Facebook to say:
"it would raise costs,"

"reduce coverage, roll back protections
and ruin Medicaid as we know it."

Obviously Obama objects
to repealing the ACA.

His parents literally
named him after Obamacare.

Of course he would say that,
so put that aside.

Chuck Schumer engaged
in some spectacular prop comedy.

When the White House
passed their health care bill,

a bill that President Trump
called "mean",

I thought it wouldn't be possible
for the Senate Republicans

to conjure up a bill
even worse than that one.

that is what they have done.

Meaner. Can you read it ?
Do I have to color it in ?

How's that ? Right there.

My God.

Now, if political theater
were actual theater,

it's the equivalent of someone
falling to their death

in "Spiderman: Turn Off The Dark".

As for the contents of the bill,
it is set to hurt a lot of people.

BCRA preserves much of what
was objectionable in the House bill,

like deregulation for insurers
to drastically cut their coverage.

When it comes
to Medicaid spending,

this new version is, in some ways,
even harsher than it was before.

The House bill would end
Medicaid expansion in three years

and give states a block grant
to fund Medicaid as they see fit.

The Senate version phases out
Medicaid expansion more slowly,

starting in 2021, but makes
deeper cuts to the overall program

by reducing
federal funding over time.

House bill would cut Medicaid
relatively quickly,

the Senate bill would do it
slowly, but far more drastically.

Both options are deadly.

It's choosing between
getting run over by a drunk driver

or getting run over
by a drunk elephant.

That elephant has been going through
a rough patch since her divorce.

That's right, I said "her".

Hashtag "lady elephants can commit
involuntary manslaughter,"

hashtag "feminism".

Those cuts will have massive
impacts right now,

Medicaid covers 20% of all Americans,
49% of births,

60% of children with disabilities
and 64% of nursing home residents.

Unless you are a professional beach
volleyball player with a vasectomy,

estranged from his family
and who plans to jump into a volcano,

you or someone you know
desperately needs these services.

Some Republicans have come out
against this bill in its current form.

Some, because it's too harsh,
others, because it is not harsh enough.

And of course Ted Cruz is
in that group. Of course he is.

He is the only man in history
whose personality

somehow contracted bedbugs.

I would be very careful relying
on those politicians to hold out.

Rand Paul suggested he might
vote for the bill if they needed him

and Ron Johnson said he wasn't
a "no", he was just a "not yes yet".

Isn't so much a courageous stance
as it is not a cowardly stance yet.

You should be wary of any
coverage with this kind of tone.

The Republican Senate health
care bill is on life support.

Is the plan to repeal and replace
Obamacare on life support ?

A Senate plan that
is dead on arrival.

It would seem the Republican
version of the bill is dead on arrival.

That's great, it's dead on arrival.
Then kick back and relax,

I haven't felt this confident about
an outcome since Tuesday,

November the 8th, 2016.

There is every chance that
absent huge effort to stop it,

this bill may well pass.

So resisting complacency would be,
to borrow a truly moronic phrase,

"not very stupid, I can tell you that."

And now this.

The ongoing controversy over
WNEP 16 Scranton's backyard train.

Talk back callers seem to be obsessed
with the train in our backyard.

I would just like to know
whose idea it was

to put a train in the backyard.

I'm trying to watch the news and hear
the weather and it's distracting.

I'm calling about your train !
Keep the train rolling, baby.

How 'bout making this train
go the right way ?

Now is the wrong way.

We don't care if it's going backwards
or frontwards, we just enjoy it.

That trolley keeps blowing over
because it's not supposed to be there.

The train's supposed to be there,
not the trolley.

Tell that guy that complained
about the trolley being on,

conductor can put anything
on the track he wants to.

Shut up
and go do your supper dishes.

What is going on with the train ?
It hasn't been running in weeks.

I wish that I could put a quarter stick
in that train and blow it up.

We're calling again. Your train
is not running once again.

I'm sick of these idiots worrying about
the stupid train in the backyard.

Your news show is on so
many times during the day

that you oughta just take
one of those half hours

and play nothing but a video of a train
running around in a circle.

Maybe that would pacify these idiots
who call when the train isn't running.

Moving on. For our main story,
we're going to talk about vaccines.

Or, as the "fun doctor" at your
family practice puts it:

"Shots ! Shots !" Seriously,
there'll be a slight pinch.

Vaccines are humanity's
most incredible accomplishment

and they've saved
millions of lives.

There was a time when a new one
was a cause for huge celebration.

Dr. Jonas Salk discovers a vaccine
that promises to wipe out

childhood's crippling
and killing enemy, polio.

Anxious parents are thrilled
and grateful,

responding to one of the greatest
mass inoculations in annals.

People lined up for the polio shot
like it was an iPhone !

Polio was never
"childhood's most crippling enemy",

because that was
and will forever remain:

"accidentally seeing
your father's penis."

Despite their success, small groups are
skeptical and vocal about vaccines.

Their voice has been amplified
by the human megaphone

that is the president of the US.

I am in favor of vaccines.

But I want smaller doses
over a longer period of time.

You take a baby in,
and I've seen it,

and I had my children taken care
of over a long period of time,

same exact amount, but you
take this little beautiful baby...

It looks like it's meant
for a horse, not for a child.

Trump, on the campaign trail, raising
doubts about vaccinations.

A sentiment he's also expressed
online, with a tweet reading:

"tiny children are not horses."

That is an assertion
that PolitiFact rates:

"I guess technically we've gotta
give him that, but, good grief."

You know this: it is not wise
to take health care advice

from a man who has willingly sought
care from this doctor,

who looks like he sneaks into a Senor
Frog's to fucks the mozzarella sticks.

It is not just Trump who is skeptical

and those concerns have driven
some people to extremes.

In 2011, some parents made headlines
by taking what they saw

as a more natural route
to immunizing their children.

We're talking about parents
who are taking used lollipops,

saliva and pus-soaked clothing
from complete strangers

and deliberately
infecting their children.

Setting aside the grossness of parents
infecting their kids with lollipops,

that graphic
has an unfortunate misspelling,

"swapping spit and passing puss"
sounds like the sex talk

that Kid Rock
would give his teenage son.

You're gonna wanna swap
some spit and pass some puss,

but if you don't throw a raincoat
on that devil dog

it's gonna be scorch
city for you, buckaroo.

We just had some quality time.

While it is important to remember
that the vast majority of parents

are making sure their children
get vaccinated on time,

the voices of those who don't,

Any internet search about vaccines
will quickly lead you

down a frightening rabbit hole.

The background hum of doubt
can make some parents nervous.

I'm concerned about
how many vaccines

we have to give
our children at once.

I will do them,
but I'm debating the age.

When should I have them done ?

There's so much information there,
I don't know who to ask.

There's no such thing
as an unbiased source.

At least 10 percent of parents
delay or skip some shots.

Around one percent
don't vaccinate at all.

Parents get so much information,
it is hard to know what to do.

Should you vaccinate ?
Should you eat the placenta ?

Should you let kids cry ?
And the answer to those,

are yes, no, and absolutely,
because the more they cry now,

the more they'll be prepared to watch
"This Is Us" when they get older.

This atmosphere of confusion about
vaccines caused real problems.

In 11 states, the number of
unvaccinated kids is on the rise.

And in small pockets,
the numbers can get startlingly high.

In the Somali community
in Minnesota,

the measles vaccination rate for
children dropped to 42 percent.

And that had
very real consequences.

Measles, once eradicated in the US,
is now exploding in Minnesota,

where many parents
won't vaccinate.

If you're exposed to it and
you don't have the vaccine,

there's a 90% chance
you'll contract it.

They can have permanent brain
damage, blindness or deafness.

We wouldn't vaccinate
if this was just a rashy illness.

Exactly: in that community,
the number of measles cases this year

outpaced the total number
in all the US last year.

And that is terrible, the only
thing Minnesota should have more

of than any other state
is Garrisons Keillor

and people disappointed
by the Mall of America.

So it's just a bigger mall and
it has two Build-A-Bear workshops ?

That's amazing. This memory
will last me a lifetime.

As will these two bears.

From two different
Build-a-Bear workshops.

We are going to look
at why these fears persist

and what the consequences
of succumbing to them can be.

I get why vaccines
can creep people out.

Vaccination is getting injected by
a needle filled with science juice.

Pretty much every medical
practice sounds terrifying

when you break it down
like that.

An appendectomy means removing one
of your organs through stabbery.

Antibiotics are poisons used
to murder things living in you.

And even exercise means forcefully
burning up your insides.

The human body
is a true carnival of horrors

and I'm embarrassed
to have one.

Much of the fear
surrounding vaccines

stems from their
supposed link to autism.

A theory that gained traction
in the late '90s,

thanks to a study published
in The Lancet,

suggesting a link between autism
and the MMR vaccine.

The study was of just 12 children
by this guy, Andrew Wakefield.

If you're wondering why I didn't say
"Dr." Andrew Wakefield, this is why.

Follow-up studies of hundreds
of thousands of children

could not find any evidence
that the MMR vaccine causes autism.

Investigations into
Wakefield's original paper revealed

he distorted the data
and acted unethically.

He's lost his medical license.
The Lancet paper has been retracted.

Wakefield made a big splash
before having his title revoked.

He's the Lance Armstrong
of doctors.

Even though Wakefield's conclusions
have been debunked many times,

he still gives talks about the
supposed dangers of the MMR vaccine.

This is him in 2011,
talking to the Somali community

we saw earlier in Minnesota,
and presumably ending his speech with:

"trust me:
I'm a used-to-be-a-doctor."

Wakefield is not the only voice
raising alarms about vaccines.

He has company
from across the political spectrum,

from Robert F. Kennedy Jr.
on the left,

to Alex Jones wherever the fuck
he fits in, to even this guy.

You can't make people
do procedures that they don't want.

The parents have to be the ones
to make decisions for our kids.

It can't be the government.
Against Nuremberg Laws.

Rob Schneider performing an
impromptu rendition of his character:

"the annoying guy
who is wrong."

Despite his misunderstanding of
what the Nuremberg Laws are,

and what constitutes acceptable
headwear for a grown man,

Schneider has spoken out against
mandatory vaccines for years,

calling this California state
assemblywoman to debate the issue,

prompting her
to post on Facebook:

"that is 20 minutes of my life
I'll never get back arguing"

"that vaccines don't cause autism
with Deuce Bigalow, male gigolo."

Sure, it's funny.
But, you know, hold on, lady.

Let's not sully the good name
of Deuce Bigalow

because of something that
his portrayer, Rob Schneider, said.

That's like implying William Wallace
doesn't trust Jews

or Officer Nordberg
is a murderer.

Try and separate the two.

These days, very few people will say
they are completely anti-vaccine.

Instead, like the president, they'll
say: "I'm not anti-vaccine... but."

And it's what comes after that
"but", that we need to look at.

One example is: "I'm not anti-vaccine,
but I am pro-safe vaccine."

And that can often refer to concern
over scary-sounding ingredients,

like thimerosal,
a mercury-based preservative.

RFK Jr. has led a crusade against it,

just this year, he gave
a speech where he said this.

For 33 years I've been working
to get mercury out of fish.

Nobody has ever called me anti-fish.

I want mercury out of vaccines,
I should not be called anti-vaccine.

Why would anyone be ashamed
to be called anti-fish ?

Fish are stupid. How do
I know that ? Look at them !

Just look at this idiot ! It's not
just him, check this moron out,

and while you're at it,
what about this dimwit ?

Here's another bonehead.

I'm pretty sure this dunce
didn't make it past the third grade.

This doofus isn't curing cancer.
That's right ! Come at me, fish !

I'm sorry, you can't, can ya ?
And that's because,

after five hundred million years,
you haven't figured out how to breathe.

Fuck you, fish, it's easy.
I'm doing it now.

Ea-sy. You don't' know me, fish.
Get out of here.

More importantly,
in fact, much more importantly,

the mercury that has been used
in vaccines

is not the same kind
that is harmful in fish.

There have been multiple large
studies finding no link

between thimerosal and autism.

Perhaps most importantly of all,
since the early 2000s,

it has been removed as a preservative
from all vaccines for infants,

except for the flu vaccines
and even there,

thimerosalfree versions
are available.

We spent time and energy solving
a problem that never existed.

It's like spending years fighting to
get marshmallows out of Lucky Charms,

because a few people think minions
can choke to death on them.

For a start, marshmallows dissolve
and minions don't exist,

and if they did, I would
want them to choke to death,

'cause those little fuckers
will murder us.

Open you eyes !

If you're thinking: if it wasn't
harmful, why was it taken out ?

There was intense public concern
amplified by people like

then-congressman Dan Burton,
making arguments like this.

I have yet to find any scientist
who will say there is no doubt

that the mercury in vaccines
does not contribute to autism.

They'll say there's
no scientific evidence,

there's no studies or anything
that proves that yet.

Turn that around, there are
no studies that disprove it, either.

Here's the thing. Proving a negative
is an impossible standard.

And that is also a slippery slope.
Because it means that I can say

you, Dan Burton,
are a donkey fucker.

You dress up donkeys in cheerleader
outfits and you fuck them.

It's what you're into.
And you do it all the time.

And you will say to me there is
no evidence of me doing that.

But I would say:
turn that around,

there's no evidence of you
not doing that, either.

See, Dan ? This is not a road
you want to go down.

The thing is, that donkey-fucker's
remarks actually get

at why scientists can be
at a real disadvantage in this debate.

Because they are careful in how
they present their conclusions.

Science and English are not
really the same language.

And so when a scientist says,

we have no evidence there's a link
between vaccines and autism,

what they're really saying is,

we are as positive as someone can
humanly be that there's no link.

One thing that I sometimes do
when I'm talking to parents is say,

I'm as confident that there's no
link between vaccines and autism

as I am that if I walk off this
building I would not be able to fly.

Right. And that is about
as clear as you can be.

If your doctor does believe
they can fly, run.

They are either crazy
or they are R. Kelly.

If your pediatrician is R. Kelly,

vaccines are the least
of your problems.

I know that some will say that the
real problem is that scientists

are being paid by pharma companies
to hide the problems with vaccines.

You can find countless memes about
how the system is corrupt,

some of which feature
a very smart looking cat.

I'm not saying there are not
problems with big pharma.

There absolutely are. We have
discussed them before.

But on the rare occasions when there
have been issues with vaccines,

they have been pulled and fast.

I know that that explanation
will still not satisfy some.

There are gonna be some toxic
comments below this video,

alongside the usual ones

about how I look like an owl
who can't get a date for prom,

or that I probably live alone,

surrounded by jars
I'm too weak to open by myself.

You're laughing too hard
at that.

And those comments will link
to the hidden truths about vaccines

and demand to know
why I didn't look into them.

We did look into a lot of them
and the problem is

I could go point by point
and be talking for hours tonight

and this will still never end.

It's like whack-a-mole. As one
theory goes down, another pops up.

I kind of get the insistence
that there must be a link.

The age children are supposed
to get the MMR vaccine

happens to be the same age that
signs of autism can appear.

But correlation
is not causation.

That is what scientific studies
are for. And remember:

they are really clear,
that link is not there.

And the problem with spending more
and more time and money

trying to prove that link
is that it takes resources away

from studying actual causes
and treatments.

Listen to the mother
of one child with autism,

who started a foundation,
she wanted to find out the causes.

We have dozens of studies !

We were right to look at whether
vaccines might be a cause of autism,

but there comes a point where
there is so much evidence,

none of which shows any link
between vaccines and autism,

that you have to say, enough !

That's right. It's like that Einstein
quote you sometimes see on Internet:

"the definition of insanity is doing
the same thing over and over again"

"and expecting different results."

Except Einstein didn't say that.
Because memes aren't facts.

If you won't take that from me,
take it from this smart-looking cat.

That hum of doubt
is hard to shake off.

Some parents agree with the president
and they favor hedging their bets,

and skipping or spacing vaccines out,
just in case.

93 percent of pediatricians

say they've been asked
by parents to do that.

And one of the places that that idea
may be coming from

is a pediatrician
named Dr. Sears.

Not Bill Sears, the famous doctor
and author, but his son: Bob Sears.

Dr. Bob has made a name
for himself with what can seem

like a sensible approach
to address worried parents' concern.

I've put together
my alternative vaccine schedule.

It's a way to get
a baby fully vaccinated,

but in a manner that spreads
the shots out a little bit.

And that sounds
like a decent compromise.

It's the middle
ground position, right ?

The middle ground between
sense and nonsense.

It's like saying, it would be crazy
to eat that entire bar of soap,

so I'll just eat half of it.

Enthusiasm for spacing vaccines
out stems from some parents' belief

that children these days
get too many shots, too soon,

perhaps best summed up by
this meme of a doll full of needles.

If that's how they were given,
I would oppose that.

Let's break that fear down.

While children do receive more
shots than they used to,

the number of antigens
in those shots

or the substances that
induce the immune response

has greatly decreased, and
it's a drop in the ocean

compared to the thousands of foreign
antigens a child encounters every day.

Watch a child for five minutes and see
if they don't eat friend's boogers,

put their entire mouth
over the water fountain

or try to kiss a raccoon
they just found in a dumpster.

My point is:
children are fucking disgusting.

Sears admitted his approach is not
based on scientific research.

Where is the published,
peer-reviewed evidence

to support the notion of
a, quote, overload,

if you follow
the CDC-recommended schedule ?

Chris, I don't think there
is any such research

and I actually
never claimed there was.

I have put out there clearly
in my writings

that my precautions on spreading
out vaccines are theoretical.

It's a theoretical benefit to kids
and it's a choice

that a lot of parents
feel more comfortable about

and might bring more parents
to vaccinate

if they spread the shots out
more than the regular schedule.

Except your job is to make sure
children don't get deadly diseases,

not to make parents comfortable.

You're a pediatrician,

not a flask of whiskey
tucked into a baby Bjorn.

Dr. Bob sometimes seems
to be trying to have it both ways.

While he says he is pro-vaccine
and that he doesn't tell parents

to skip or delay important shots,
his book just happens to include

an alternative vaccine schedule
and a selective vaccine schedule.

And on that one,
you can get vaccinated for measles

as late as ten years old.

Every once in a while,
he'll drop a line like this.

My statement I like to make
on vaccines and autism

is that vaccines don't cause
autism, except when they do.

I know that sounds like
equivocating bullshit, but:

opportunistic quacks writing books
that fan flames of people's fears

don't cause a legitimate public health
hazard... except when they do.

While the benefits of Dr. Sears' plan
are, as he says, theoretical,

the dangers of spacing vaccines
out are very real.

CDC says spreading shots out
puts children at risk

of developing diseases during
the time that shots are delayed.

Some of those diseases
are dangerous.

Measles was responsible for over
130 000 deaths worldwide in 2015,

partly because
it is ridiculously infectious.

I'm talking, "Happy"
by Pharrell infectious.

I just said that, and it's already
stuck in your head now.

Cause I'm happy.
That's how infectious measles is.

One way we can keep measles at bay
is through herd immunity,

the concept whereby, the more
people who are vaccinated,

the harder it is
for a disease to spread.

But the margin for safety there
is smaller than you may think.

Most experts say that the herd
immunity threshold for measles

is around 95 percent.

But when, in France, that dropped
to 89 percent a few years back,

this is what happened.

In 2007, there were around 40 cases
of measles across France.

Then, in 2008, a 10-year-old girl
returned from holiday in Austria.

She went back to school and
played with some friends.

Several days later,
the girls became ill.

The measles infection spread
from district to district,

infecting the susceptible

In 2011, there were fifteen thousand
cases; at least six people died.

Okay so that clip proves
two things:

one, a decrease in herd immunity
can have devastating consequences,

and anything is terrifying

if you play children singing
Frere Jacques underneath it.

I guarantee you that's true.

Look at what happens when you add
that underneath this stock footage.

No way those kids are not about
to be decapitated by a stop sign.

And if you are thinking, that is
a chance that I'm willing to take.

I'm making this choice for my child,
the thing is, you're not.

You're putting at risk
kids like Rhett Krawitt.

He was diagnosed
with leukemia at age 2,

his immune system was weakened
he couldn't be vaccinated,

meaning if he picked up
a serious disease, it could be fatal.

I'll let his mom
take it from here.

When he was first diagnosed he was
pulled out of society.

We avoided highly concentrated
groups of people.

When we went out,
we wore a mask.

We did limit his exposure.
We were so excited for the day

when he could start kindergarten
so he could have

that sense of socialization
and community and learning.

A year into remission
and back in school,

Rhett will soon be healthy
enough to be fully vaccinated.

Until then, his life
depends on herd immunity.

Exactly. So by getting vaccinated,
you're helping and protecting

those who are most vulnerable,
like sick people,

and newborns too young
to be vaccinated.

Why would you choose
not to do that ?

I believe Jesus Christ
put it best when he said:

"do you need some sort of wise
quote to convince you on this ?"

Just, like, don't be a dick."

I honestly know that
for some people this is still hard.

But what can help is
to try and anchor yourself

to what we know to be true
about the risks of vaccines.

When it comes to autism,
again: there is no link.

And even when it comes
to other serious side effects,

it is literally, according to the CDC,
close to one in a million.

I know that in a way
that's not helpful

because every parent thinks
their child is one in a million.

Your child's odds of being
convicted of murder

and eventually executed by
the state are only 1 in 119 012.

And if that makes you feel
even worse, just cheer up:

maybe your child will be one of
those murderers that never gets caught.

They're very smart. Maybe.

Maybe one of the biggest problems
is that when people hear about vaccines

so much of the emphasis is on
non-existence or wildly unlikely harms

and we tend not to talk about
the very tangible good that they do.

Nobody is going to post "didn't
get polio again today ! So lit !"

Maybe we kind of should,

it is easy to forget the benefits
of vaccines are enormous.

What we have seen
in the industrialized world

is all of the major epidemics,
they've vanished.

Moms today have every expectation
that their little baby will live

and not be polished off
by diphtheria, by tetanus,

even, occasionally, by measles.

That is the transformation in young
lives that vaccines have wrought.

And that is a really good point,
only slightly undercut

by him using the phrase
"polished off".

You're talking about babies,
not a rack of ribs.

It comes down to this.
It is likely that at some point,

you may hear scary vaccine stories
from other parents or on the Internet.

It is hard not to be terrified
when you encounter it.

That is partly because parenthood
in general is fucking terrifying.

I'm someone who is scared
of literally everything,

the dark, the light, heights, depths,
confined spaces, wide-open spaces,

strangers, intimacy, spiders,
and a sudden lack of spiders.

But for what it's worth
and if this helps at all:

I have a son. He is 19 months old.
He was born prematurely,

and I've worried about his health
and I still worry about his health.

But we are vaccinating him
fully on schedule.

If I can overcome the temptation

to listen to the irrational shouting
of my terrified lizard brain,

then I believe that everyone can.

And now this.

Seriously: the people of Scranton

are very invested
in WNEP 16's backyard train.

Our backyard train continues to be
a debated topic in Talkback 16.

I see Kurt in the backyard, the train
is down to just the locomotives.

What happened to
the passenger cars ?

So much for buying that,
a new train that was supposed

to be indoor, outdoor, weatherproof
with sound and smoke.

You are all talking about
the snowstorm in the backyard

and all I can see is that
poor train engine,

the poor little thing spazzing out,

too worried about his tracks
getting all covered up.

Can you give him a little
home or something ?

I'd like to see that train
running in the backyard,

even with the snow.

You get the weathermen out there
to clean that track off.

I turned the news on and
I saw the train running.

I am so happy. Thank you.

I could come through the phone
and give youz all a big hug.

I've been enjoying
the Talkback 16 segments.

I think Jon Meyer is the one who
is shutting down the train

to distract from the terrible
reviews he's getting on Talkback 16.

It's just another example
of fake news.

That's our show. Thanks for watching.
We'll see you next week. Goodnight !