Last Man Standing (2011–…): Season 5, Episode 19 - Outdoor Woman - full transcript
Good morning, Kyle.
Oh, good morning, sir.
Yeah, I was having a nice
conversation with Terry
in sporting goods.
Uh, remind men again --
man or woman?
Oh, uh, woman, sir.
Damn.
[ Sighs ] Would you apologize
to her for me, please?
See if -- See if you can
get her to wear some kind of
a lady hat or something.
Hey, morning.
Whoa!
Check out, Mr. B!
Nice threads!
[ Chuckles ]
Uh-oh, did somebody die?
No, we're having a meeting with
Billie Cassidy this morning.
Should be here any minute.
It's my
lucky deal-making tie.
Lucky I wore it.
I just talked Terry out of
a lawsuit.
Oh. [ Grumbles ]
Well, you look
very sharp, sir.
Thank you.
Well, anytime you're meeting
an old flame,
you -- you have to
present well, huh?
That's why I always keep
a crisply ironed shirt in my car
just in case I run into
Helen Mirren again.
Uh, wait a minute.
Did I hear that right?
You used to date
Billie Cassidy?
Really?
Helen Mirren gets me nothing?
I don't know who that is,
but I'm guessing she's not
a world-famous rock climber
like Billie Cassidy.
She and I went to
University of Michigan together.
I was unpacking my bow,
carrying it up to my dorm room,
and she looked at it.
She said, "Is that
a compound bow?"
and I said, "Sure is."
She goes,
"It's for sissies!"
[ Chuckles ]
I looked right at her.
I said, "Yeah, go to Hell!"
Next thing I knew,
we were making out in front of
a bunch of hippies.
Helen Mirren is
an Academy Award-winning
actress!
Okay, well, unless she also
once set her own broken leg
with an axe handle,
I'm still on Team Billie.
There you go.
I need you to dazzle her,
Mikey, all right?
Climber's World
wants Billie's brand...
Yeah.
...a-and so do we.
This thing could be
huge for us,
so don't be afraid to, you know,
walk her down memory lane, hmm?
Yeah.
Billie and I had
some great times.
I think that's
the only girl I ever dated
that liked climbing, hunting,
and shooting more than I did.
Oh. That was years
ago, and, you know,
time has a way of rounding
that stuff off, you know?
Speak for yourself,
sissy!
Go to Hell!
Ah, you got to Hell.
[ Chuckles ]
-- Captions by VITAC --
So, as you can see, from
the water-sports area
to camping, fishing, hunting,
and guns,
everything in Outdoor Man
is top of the line.
Wow, very impressive.
Well, thanks.
But kind of sad.
W-Why is it sad?
Well, the Mike Baxter I knew
used to use all of this stuff,
and now you're just
walking around
with a goofy tie on
and pointing at it.
I'm wearing this because
somebody died.
Hopefully
before they saw it.
[ Laughs ]
Come on.
I've field-tested
every single thing in my store,
except maybe
the hand warmers.
If my fingers get that cold,
I'll just snap 'em off.
[ Fingers snap ]
"Snap 'em off."
Well, it's good to see
that an old desk jockey like you
gets out into the wilderness
every once in a while.
Yeah.
You, your photographer,
and your hair-and-makeup team.
I think
my reputation's safe.
I've done everything outdoors
a person could possibly do.
Oh, I remember.
Except for that one time you
thought a bear was watching us.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Giggles ]
You know,
a bear was watching us.
Ooh! [ Giggles ]
Looked just like your dad.
It did!
[ Both laughing ]
Don't say that to your -- There
they are, there they are!
Just look at you two.
The old sparks
are still flying, huh?
Oh, yeah, luckily, everything on
this floor is nonflammable.
[ Chuckles ]
In our partnership,
I'm the closer and Ed's the guy
I apologize for.
And I'm the one shopping
for his own jet.
Ooh!
So, are we ready to make
Outdoor Man
the new home
for your brand?
Well, it's a great store, Ed,
but so is Climber's World.
Hmm. What do you
have that they don't?
Me!
Ah.
Was he always
like this?
No.
He used to brag a lot.
Okay, I'm not bragging.
I love this stuff.
I know how
to sell this stuff.
I have a big presentation
I'd like to show you upstairs,
so if you will?
Mike, this is me.
You know
I like things simple.
Just tell me
what you're thinking.
Okay. All right.
All right, all right.
Uh, broad strokes?
Outdoor Man
welcomes Outdoor Woman.
Sounds good.
All right, so,
we go back to the five peaks
that you climbed
that made you famous, right?
Yeah.
With the best adventure
photography group available.
Yeah, we'll put it all
in a special online edition
of our catalog that features
your complete line of gear.
Then we will live-stream
your last climb,
and maybe, if we're lucky,
there will be a dramatic fall.
[ Laughs ]
You ain't gonna get
that lucky.
[ Chuckles ]
See what I mean?
[ Laughs ] Yeah, I like it.
I really do.
See, you didn't have to do
that big dog-and-pony show.
You're really good, Mike.
And yet he's the one
shopping for a jet?
Hit we where it hurts --
my immense wealth.
I love the concept.
Mm-hmm.
I just would like to make
one little, bitty change.
I can make
a little, bitty change.
Okay. The best outdoor
photographer that I know of
is you.
So I think it should just
be you and me on this trip.
Alone?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just like old times!
Except,
of course without the bear.
Yeah.
Billie, I think that's
a terrific idea,
and so does Mike.
Mm-hmm.
I...do.
Then I'm ready
to sign on!
Wonderful!
We'll get
that catalog online
before
the summer climbing season.
Sounds great.
Mm.
Guys, I got to
get out of here.
Mike, I look forward to getting
on the cliffs with you again,
and if your hands get cold,
I'll snap 'em off!
[ Laughs ]
Way to sell, Mike!
Okay,
the hard part's over.
Now the easy part.
Just go home
and tell my wife
that I'm gonna go on a road trip
with my old girlfriend!
So, uh, why aren't you guys
having this yard sale
at your place?
Uh, "A," no yard,
and, "B," in our neighborhood,
2 bucks for a chair
is pretty steep.
You know what?
Wherever you do it, it's a good
idea, you know, fresh start.
Perfect time to throw out
your entire wardrobe.
Yeah, it's mostly just
household items.
Oh.
I know it's hard to get rid
of stuff, but in feng shui,
it is important
to clear your meridians
and keep your energy
flowing.
They also say there's no MSG
in the beef and broccoli, so...
[ Scoffs ]
VHS tapes?!
Wow!
[ Inhales sharply ]
And I thought
your clothes were dated.
Whoa, those are
the hockey fights
I taped off TV
when I was a kid.
We can't get rid of these.
Yeah, I'm sure we can't.
[ Chuckles ]
But we have to try, you know,
keep those meridians flowing.
So, how much
are you asking for these?
Well, who knows? Because you
can't put a price on memories.
Sure you can.
Watch -- nickel.
Look, babe, there's stuff
that I want to keep, too,
but we both agreed
to do this.
That's what I love about
the fashion world, you know?
When something or someone
is old, you just...
throw it away.
I didn't think it was
gonna be this hard.
Yeah, me either.
Hey, maybe it would be easier
if we had someone sell the stuff
who isn't emotionally
attached...
to anything.
Let's talk commission.
Hey.
Hi, honey.
Hey! Hi!
So, how was it seeing
the old girlfriend, huh?
She still wearing
your I.D. bracelet?
[ Laughs ]
Ah, so funny -- for you.
I think it's so cute how
you dressed all fancy for her.
Was she impressed?
Of course she was.
And you were wrong about
the tie.
She loved it.
Oh.
But get this --
I closed the deal.
Oh, nice!
Yay!
Congratulations.
Thanks.
Good.
She loved my pitch about doing
the photo shoot for the catalog.
Yeah, I thought that was
a really smart idea.
Yeah, she's all pumped up
about taking the trip.
We all are.
I'm going, too.
What's for dinner?
You're -- You're going?!
I thought we were
talking about dinner.
Well, wait. Hold -- wait.
I mean, what happened?
You never talked about
going before.
I know.
It just came up today.
Are you all right
with this?
Well [sighs] I mean,
I'm surprised you are.
I-I'm not going on a trip
with my ex-girlfriend.
I mean, isn't that gonna be
a little awkward?
Not as awkward
as this conversation.
I mean...
I know it was a long time ago,
but after a breakup,
there's always
hurt feelings.
Oh!
I see where you're going.
Yeah.
No, not in this case.
[ Chuckles ]
We actually never broke up.
We're not gonna eat dinner,
are we?
So, you never broke up
with Billie?
Well, this is an interesting
story I never heard.
[ Sighs ]
Well,
it's actually no story.
She quit college, moved away,
I started listening
to Jackson Browne, drank,
and then I met you, so...
are we cool?
[ Sighs ]
And this is the woman
you just asked
to take a trip with you
around the world?
No, no, no.
I didn't ask her.
She asked me.
She asked you?
Yeah, she thinks the trip needs
my personal touch.
Oh, really?
Well, p-professional touch.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
No touch!
Right.
There's no touching!
Geez!
Don't make a thing about this.
What thing?!
Uh, the thing about
the college girlfriend
you never broke up with
or where she wants
to sleep with you
in a little pup tent?!
[ Chuckling ] There -- There's
no correct answer to that quiz.
[ Sighs ]
Mike --
I'm not gonna cheat on you, Vanessa.
[ Sighs ]
I know that.
I saw "Fatal Attraction."
I know how affairs end.
Boom, boom, in the bathtub.
And we just re-tiled.
Honey --
This is not gonna happen.
Listen, honey, I'm not worried
about you, but Billie --
she never married, right?
Right?
Well --
So, in her mind, there might
still be a relationship.
Oh, come on!
What's with women?!
If a guy doesn't call you
in 30 years, it's over!
[ Sighs ]
Listen, honey, honey,
you need to
talk this through with her --
for your sake and for hers.
You don't want to be
trapped with an upset woman
on a mountain where you can't
just walk into another room.
Yikes.
You need to find out if she is
still in love with you...
[ Sighs ]
...and if she is,
you need to give her
some closure.
You want me to break up
with a woman
I haven't dated in 30 years!
Or we can just stand here
and keep talking about it.
[ Sighing ] I'll be
in the other room.
Hold on, hold on!
Is that you, Mr. Larabee?
You look 15 years younger
in that hat!
[ Chuckles ]
Yeah!
And that's not just
'cause that's how long ago
people were actually
wearing those.
[ Chuckles ]
I don't know.
I-I just don't know
if the hat says "Chuck."
Mm.
Well, if it was
a talking hat,
I'd be selling it
for more than $2.
[ Laughs ]
[ Sighs ]
I wonder if Carol
will like it on me.
Well, I can tell you
who will hate it.
My dad.
Sold.
Oh, rats!
I'm sorry. I forgot.
That hat
is actually reserved.
[ Inhales sharply ]
But could be unreserved,
eh, for the right price.
Okay, how much?
$10.
I'll give you $3.
Deal.
Ha! I would've gone
as high as $5.
Ha!
I would've taken $1.
Mm.
Now...
let's you and me talk
accessories, huh?
You know what those crazy
hipsters who wear those hats
are always carrying around
with them?
Stuffed animals.
I don't think so,
but, uh, Lady does need
a new chew toy, so, uh...
I'll give you 50 cents.
Uh, sorry.
No. That one
shouldn't be in there.
Okay, 75!
It's not for sale.
Mandy -- sell the man
the stupid bear.
That stupid bear
is a gift from me.
You want someone
with no emotional attachment
to anything?
Look in the mirror.
[ Slow clapping ]
Nice piece of theater!
I'll give you a dollar
just for that.
[ Knock on door ]
Yeah?
Oh, hi, Billie.
What's up?
Hey.
Oh, no tie.
I like it!
[ Chuckles ]
You always did get more handsome
the less you had on.
Yeah. Right!
[ Chuckles ]
All right, so, let's start
planning this trip!
Good deal.
Let's do that.
You know, I had one question,
though, for you.
The other day, you said
something about
you and me taking the trip.
What'd you mean "you and me"?
What exactly did you mean?
Oh, I'm sorry.
That -- That was confusing.
Yeah.
What I meant was
just you and me.
[ Chuckles ]
Are all the questions
this easy?
I'm just saying that I've got
a really good crew,
and I'm not sure
it's a good idea
for us going out
there alone.
Oh, I am!
I know
it was a long time ago,
but when we used to
climb together,
it was really magical.
[ Chuckles ]
And we can't get that with
a bunch of people around.
Right. Well, speaking about
stuff that happened
a long time ago,
I was just telling my wife,
I-I don't think, technically...
we ever broke up.
Well, that's true.
So I guess you're
cheating on me with your wife.
[ Sighs, chuckles ]
You little
two-timing rascal.
Yeah, yeah.
[ Both laugh ]
Anyway, I was -- I was telling
Vanessa, my wife, you know,
the woman I'm married to that,
uh...
the feelings between us
have just kind of faded away.
Oh, I don't know about
faded away.
I was pretty ticked off
at you when I got back
and heard that you had
met somebody.
I kept hoping that it would end,
but, eventually,
I got the feeling
that it wouldn't.
'Cause I got married.
That was a big clue.
[ Chuckling ] Yeah.
But look at us after all these
years, getting back together...
Mm.
...hitting the road,
just like old times!
Ah, or new times
where I'm married!
Why do we keep talking about
your wife?
We got a trip to plan.
Oh, and don't forget.
When we're not camping,
let's find a real comfortable
hotel that we can stay in.
You might remember
I like a real soft bed.
I do remember that!
Okay, so...
So, what's the first
destination, huh?
Your office!
Come here for a minute.
So, Billie's
still in love with you?
[ Chuckles ]
That's fantastic!
The chemistry will really make
that ad campaign pop!
If I was still
going on the trip.
Uh, what
are you talking about?
I'm not --
Uh, it's not like anything's
gonna happen between you two.
I mean, the loyalty to your wife
borders on the pathological!
So, what do we do about
Billie?
You want me to manipulate
the woman's emotions
just so we can
sell climbing gear?
Let me think, all right?
Yes.
No, you don't.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure
I do, yes.
Ed?
Oh, all right.
Of course not,
of course not.
I just -- I just don't want
to lose her business
to those idiots
at Climber's World!
A long time ago,
you and I agreed
never to put profit
before people.
Yes, well, that was before
we were making any profits.
Now that we're successful,
maybe we should update that.
I think the reason
we are successful
is we didn't update that.
You're annoying.
You know that?
Eh...
Okay.
Gonna let her down
easy, Mike?
Well, that's my intent.
And if it doesn't work...
name the jet after me.
Mandy, calm down.
I didn't sell the bear.
Why not?
It obviously
means nothing to you.
Why don't you toss it
in the fireplace?
Monster.
I forgot
you gave this to Boyd.
You know how many of these
we have in the closet?
Sometimes I grab one just
to mop up a spill.
You really don't remember
that thing?
I'm trying, but my memory
is a little...
fuzzy-wuzzy!
[ Chuckles ]
Sorry.
I didn't give it to Boyd.
I gave it to you.
Ohhhh.
This is that bear?
Okay. Are you just saying that,
or do you really remember?
[ Sighs ]
I remember perfectly.
You gave me this the day
I found out I was pregnant.
I was terrified
to tell Mom and Dad.
I thought
my life was over, but...
you and I talked all night.
Yeah, it was a really special
memory for me,
but I guess
it wasn't for you.
Oh, t-the bear
was sweet, but...
what I'll never forget is
the note that came with it.
Yeah, right.
It said, "This isn't
the end of your life.
It is the beginning
of a great new one."
Lucky guess.
[ Clears throat ]
Hmm.
Oh, what's that?
Here.
You kept it?
Yeah.
When I have a bad day,
I read it,
and it makes me feel better.
I read it a lot.
Wow.
I already had
beautiful handwriting.
[ Sighs ]
Hey, thanks.
Means a lot
that you kept it.
[ Breathes heavily ]
You know, when I gave you that,
it -- it had eyes.
Oh, yeah.
Uh, Boyd pulled them off.
He -- He went through
a phase where he thought
his animals
were staring at him.
Mm.
He's a weird kid.
Yeah.
You're not gonna get 50 cents
for a blind bear.
Uh...no, but this bear
isn't for sale.
Some parts of the past
are worth holding on to.
Aww.
Yeah.
Just...
Just nothing you wear.
Oh, hey.
He's back.
Before I say anything else,
I'm gonna tell you,
I'm not going
on that trip with you.
What?
If this means you're gonna
sign with Climber's World,
so be it,
but I don't think it's fair
to go on a trip
with you alone
when you're clearly
in love with me.
Male voice: Sweetheart,
who are you talking to?
W-Who's that?
That's Gordon, my fiancé.
Oh.
Gordon, say hi to Mike.
Gordon: Uh, hi, Mike.
H-Hey...
Gordon.
Nice to meet you.
I wish I'd met you
yesterday!
Honey,
I'll call you later.
Love you.
That was to him,
not to you.
Mm-hmm.
So, that's cool.
Fiancé, yeah.
How big is the dude?
Oh...
about average.
Great.
For a Navy S.E.A.L.
I feel like an idiot.
Let's get back
to this itinerary
and just put all this
behind us, okay?
[ Chuckles ]
Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
Let's roll around in it
for a little while.
You know, I'm really flattered
that you thought
what we had was so special.
Was it really
that good for you?
Well, I just know how hard it is
to get over a guy like me.
[ Laughs ]
How about we start
with Mount Temple?
Mike...
I hope I didn't do anything
to lead you on.
You know,
it's that accent of yours.
Everything you say
sounds like flirting.
Oh, I don't know
about that.
There you go again.
Damn, we're on a hayride!
Look at that!
[ Laughs ]
And you were willing
to bust this whole thing
because you were worried
about my feelings?
Well, just 'cause
we're in the past
doesn't mean
I don't care about you.
Well, that's good to know.
And, also, I didn't want
to have
any bad feelings between us
when I'm hanging on a rope
that you'd be able to cut.
[ Laughs ]
You know, I didn't go with
Climber's World because...
they've forgotten
that the business
is all about the people.
Yeah, we don't forget that
around here.
I can tell.
That's why this kind of place
is where I want to call home.
Great.
And sorry about this.
No hard feelings?
No hard feelings.
Welcome aboard!
Thanks.
Oh, Mike!
Deal's back on, gentlemen!
Don't worry, Vanessa.
I'll take it real slow
to keep Mike safe.
Oh, you know,
I think I'll be all right.
I'm spry enough
to keep up with you.
Yeah, he hurt himself
picking up the paper yesterday.
That's 'cause it was
stuck in a hedge.
That was
a very dangerous hedge.
There are no dangerous hedges
in the mountains.
You know, Eve was
a good rock climber, too.
-Mm-hmm.
-Oh, is that right?
Oh, well, yeah.
I spend more time
on my music now.
Well, it shows.
That song that you played us
before dinner was beautiful.
Oh, thank you.
I'm just trying to let her know
how difficult it is
to get in the music business.
Well, some people
pull it off.
And with a voice like Eve's,
I think she's got
a pretty good shot at it.
But what do I know about
the music business?
Vanessa, I loved dinner!
You're beautiful.
You can cook.
You're quite a catch.
Oh, you are so sweet.
Thank you.
Honey, she's not hitting on you.
It's just her accent.
Oh, good morning, sir.
Yeah, I was having a nice
conversation with Terry
in sporting goods.
Uh, remind men again --
man or woman?
Oh, uh, woman, sir.
Damn.
[ Sighs ] Would you apologize
to her for me, please?
See if -- See if you can
get her to wear some kind of
a lady hat or something.
Hey, morning.
Whoa!
Check out, Mr. B!
Nice threads!
[ Chuckles ]
Uh-oh, did somebody die?
No, we're having a meeting with
Billie Cassidy this morning.
Should be here any minute.
It's my
lucky deal-making tie.
Lucky I wore it.
I just talked Terry out of
a lawsuit.
Oh. [ Grumbles ]
Well, you look
very sharp, sir.
Thank you.
Well, anytime you're meeting
an old flame,
you -- you have to
present well, huh?
That's why I always keep
a crisply ironed shirt in my car
just in case I run into
Helen Mirren again.
Uh, wait a minute.
Did I hear that right?
You used to date
Billie Cassidy?
Really?
Helen Mirren gets me nothing?
I don't know who that is,
but I'm guessing she's not
a world-famous rock climber
like Billie Cassidy.
She and I went to
University of Michigan together.
I was unpacking my bow,
carrying it up to my dorm room,
and she looked at it.
She said, "Is that
a compound bow?"
and I said, "Sure is."
She goes,
"It's for sissies!"
[ Chuckles ]
I looked right at her.
I said, "Yeah, go to Hell!"
Next thing I knew,
we were making out in front of
a bunch of hippies.
Helen Mirren is
an Academy Award-winning
actress!
Okay, well, unless she also
once set her own broken leg
with an axe handle,
I'm still on Team Billie.
There you go.
I need you to dazzle her,
Mikey, all right?
Climber's World
wants Billie's brand...
Yeah.
...a-and so do we.
This thing could be
huge for us,
so don't be afraid to, you know,
walk her down memory lane, hmm?
Yeah.
Billie and I had
some great times.
I think that's
the only girl I ever dated
that liked climbing, hunting,
and shooting more than I did.
Oh. That was years
ago, and, you know,
time has a way of rounding
that stuff off, you know?
Speak for yourself,
sissy!
Go to Hell!
Ah, you got to Hell.
[ Chuckles ]
-- Captions by VITAC --
So, as you can see, from
the water-sports area
to camping, fishing, hunting,
and guns,
everything in Outdoor Man
is top of the line.
Wow, very impressive.
Well, thanks.
But kind of sad.
W-Why is it sad?
Well, the Mike Baxter I knew
used to use all of this stuff,
and now you're just
walking around
with a goofy tie on
and pointing at it.
I'm wearing this because
somebody died.
Hopefully
before they saw it.
[ Laughs ]
Come on.
I've field-tested
every single thing in my store,
except maybe
the hand warmers.
If my fingers get that cold,
I'll just snap 'em off.
[ Fingers snap ]
"Snap 'em off."
Well, it's good to see
that an old desk jockey like you
gets out into the wilderness
every once in a while.
Yeah.
You, your photographer,
and your hair-and-makeup team.
I think
my reputation's safe.
I've done everything outdoors
a person could possibly do.
Oh, I remember.
Except for that one time you
thought a bear was watching us.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Giggles ]
You know,
a bear was watching us.
Ooh! [ Giggles ]
Looked just like your dad.
It did!
[ Both laughing ]
Don't say that to your -- There
they are, there they are!
Just look at you two.
The old sparks
are still flying, huh?
Oh, yeah, luckily, everything on
this floor is nonflammable.
[ Chuckles ]
In our partnership,
I'm the closer and Ed's the guy
I apologize for.
And I'm the one shopping
for his own jet.
Ooh!
So, are we ready to make
Outdoor Man
the new home
for your brand?
Well, it's a great store, Ed,
but so is Climber's World.
Hmm. What do you
have that they don't?
Me!
Ah.
Was he always
like this?
No.
He used to brag a lot.
Okay, I'm not bragging.
I love this stuff.
I know how
to sell this stuff.
I have a big presentation
I'd like to show you upstairs,
so if you will?
Mike, this is me.
You know
I like things simple.
Just tell me
what you're thinking.
Okay. All right.
All right, all right.
Uh, broad strokes?
Outdoor Man
welcomes Outdoor Woman.
Sounds good.
All right, so,
we go back to the five peaks
that you climbed
that made you famous, right?
Yeah.
With the best adventure
photography group available.
Yeah, we'll put it all
in a special online edition
of our catalog that features
your complete line of gear.
Then we will live-stream
your last climb,
and maybe, if we're lucky,
there will be a dramatic fall.
[ Laughs ]
You ain't gonna get
that lucky.
[ Chuckles ]
See what I mean?
[ Laughs ] Yeah, I like it.
I really do.
See, you didn't have to do
that big dog-and-pony show.
You're really good, Mike.
And yet he's the one
shopping for a jet?
Hit we where it hurts --
my immense wealth.
I love the concept.
Mm-hmm.
I just would like to make
one little, bitty change.
I can make
a little, bitty change.
Okay. The best outdoor
photographer that I know of
is you.
So I think it should just
be you and me on this trip.
Alone?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just like old times!
Except,
of course without the bear.
Yeah.
Billie, I think that's
a terrific idea,
and so does Mike.
Mm-hmm.
I...do.
Then I'm ready
to sign on!
Wonderful!
We'll get
that catalog online
before
the summer climbing season.
Sounds great.
Mm.
Guys, I got to
get out of here.
Mike, I look forward to getting
on the cliffs with you again,
and if your hands get cold,
I'll snap 'em off!
[ Laughs ]
Way to sell, Mike!
Okay,
the hard part's over.
Now the easy part.
Just go home
and tell my wife
that I'm gonna go on a road trip
with my old girlfriend!
So, uh, why aren't you guys
having this yard sale
at your place?
Uh, "A," no yard,
and, "B," in our neighborhood,
2 bucks for a chair
is pretty steep.
You know what?
Wherever you do it, it's a good
idea, you know, fresh start.
Perfect time to throw out
your entire wardrobe.
Yeah, it's mostly just
household items.
Oh.
I know it's hard to get rid
of stuff, but in feng shui,
it is important
to clear your meridians
and keep your energy
flowing.
They also say there's no MSG
in the beef and broccoli, so...
[ Scoffs ]
VHS tapes?!
Wow!
[ Inhales sharply ]
And I thought
your clothes were dated.
Whoa, those are
the hockey fights
I taped off TV
when I was a kid.
We can't get rid of these.
Yeah, I'm sure we can't.
[ Chuckles ]
But we have to try, you know,
keep those meridians flowing.
So, how much
are you asking for these?
Well, who knows? Because you
can't put a price on memories.
Sure you can.
Watch -- nickel.
Look, babe, there's stuff
that I want to keep, too,
but we both agreed
to do this.
That's what I love about
the fashion world, you know?
When something or someone
is old, you just...
throw it away.
I didn't think it was
gonna be this hard.
Yeah, me either.
Hey, maybe it would be easier
if we had someone sell the stuff
who isn't emotionally
attached...
to anything.
Let's talk commission.
Hey.
Hi, honey.
Hey! Hi!
So, how was it seeing
the old girlfriend, huh?
She still wearing
your I.D. bracelet?
[ Laughs ]
Ah, so funny -- for you.
I think it's so cute how
you dressed all fancy for her.
Was she impressed?
Of course she was.
And you were wrong about
the tie.
She loved it.
Oh.
But get this --
I closed the deal.
Oh, nice!
Yay!
Congratulations.
Thanks.
Good.
She loved my pitch about doing
the photo shoot for the catalog.
Yeah, I thought that was
a really smart idea.
Yeah, she's all pumped up
about taking the trip.
We all are.
I'm going, too.
What's for dinner?
You're -- You're going?!
I thought we were
talking about dinner.
Well, wait. Hold -- wait.
I mean, what happened?
You never talked about
going before.
I know.
It just came up today.
Are you all right
with this?
Well [sighs] I mean,
I'm surprised you are.
I-I'm not going on a trip
with my ex-girlfriend.
I mean, isn't that gonna be
a little awkward?
Not as awkward
as this conversation.
I mean...
I know it was a long time ago,
but after a breakup,
there's always
hurt feelings.
Oh!
I see where you're going.
Yeah.
No, not in this case.
[ Chuckles ]
We actually never broke up.
We're not gonna eat dinner,
are we?
So, you never broke up
with Billie?
Well, this is an interesting
story I never heard.
[ Sighs ]
Well,
it's actually no story.
She quit college, moved away,
I started listening
to Jackson Browne, drank,
and then I met you, so...
are we cool?
[ Sighs ]
And this is the woman
you just asked
to take a trip with you
around the world?
No, no, no.
I didn't ask her.
She asked me.
She asked you?
Yeah, she thinks the trip needs
my personal touch.
Oh, really?
Well, p-professional touch.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
No touch!
Right.
There's no touching!
Geez!
Don't make a thing about this.
What thing?!
Uh, the thing about
the college girlfriend
you never broke up with
or where she wants
to sleep with you
in a little pup tent?!
[ Chuckling ] There -- There's
no correct answer to that quiz.
[ Sighs ]
Mike --
I'm not gonna cheat on you, Vanessa.
[ Sighs ]
I know that.
I saw "Fatal Attraction."
I know how affairs end.
Boom, boom, in the bathtub.
And we just re-tiled.
Honey --
This is not gonna happen.
Listen, honey, I'm not worried
about you, but Billie --
she never married, right?
Right?
Well --
So, in her mind, there might
still be a relationship.
Oh, come on!
What's with women?!
If a guy doesn't call you
in 30 years, it's over!
[ Sighs ]
Listen, honey, honey,
you need to
talk this through with her --
for your sake and for hers.
You don't want to be
trapped with an upset woman
on a mountain where you can't
just walk into another room.
Yikes.
You need to find out if she is
still in love with you...
[ Sighs ]
...and if she is,
you need to give her
some closure.
You want me to break up
with a woman
I haven't dated in 30 years!
Or we can just stand here
and keep talking about it.
[ Sighing ] I'll be
in the other room.
Hold on, hold on!
Is that you, Mr. Larabee?
You look 15 years younger
in that hat!
[ Chuckles ]
Yeah!
And that's not just
'cause that's how long ago
people were actually
wearing those.
[ Chuckles ]
I don't know.
I-I just don't know
if the hat says "Chuck."
Mm.
Well, if it was
a talking hat,
I'd be selling it
for more than $2.
[ Laughs ]
[ Sighs ]
I wonder if Carol
will like it on me.
Well, I can tell you
who will hate it.
My dad.
Sold.
Oh, rats!
I'm sorry. I forgot.
That hat
is actually reserved.
[ Inhales sharply ]
But could be unreserved,
eh, for the right price.
Okay, how much?
$10.
I'll give you $3.
Deal.
Ha! I would've gone
as high as $5.
Ha!
I would've taken $1.
Mm.
Now...
let's you and me talk
accessories, huh?
You know what those crazy
hipsters who wear those hats
are always carrying around
with them?
Stuffed animals.
I don't think so,
but, uh, Lady does need
a new chew toy, so, uh...
I'll give you 50 cents.
Uh, sorry.
No. That one
shouldn't be in there.
Okay, 75!
It's not for sale.
Mandy -- sell the man
the stupid bear.
That stupid bear
is a gift from me.
You want someone
with no emotional attachment
to anything?
Look in the mirror.
[ Slow clapping ]
Nice piece of theater!
I'll give you a dollar
just for that.
[ Knock on door ]
Yeah?
Oh, hi, Billie.
What's up?
Hey.
Oh, no tie.
I like it!
[ Chuckles ]
You always did get more handsome
the less you had on.
Yeah. Right!
[ Chuckles ]
All right, so, let's start
planning this trip!
Good deal.
Let's do that.
You know, I had one question,
though, for you.
The other day, you said
something about
you and me taking the trip.
What'd you mean "you and me"?
What exactly did you mean?
Oh, I'm sorry.
That -- That was confusing.
Yeah.
What I meant was
just you and me.
[ Chuckles ]
Are all the questions
this easy?
I'm just saying that I've got
a really good crew,
and I'm not sure
it's a good idea
for us going out
there alone.
Oh, I am!
I know
it was a long time ago,
but when we used to
climb together,
it was really magical.
[ Chuckles ]
And we can't get that with
a bunch of people around.
Right. Well, speaking about
stuff that happened
a long time ago,
I was just telling my wife,
I-I don't think, technically...
we ever broke up.
Well, that's true.
So I guess you're
cheating on me with your wife.
[ Sighs, chuckles ]
You little
two-timing rascal.
Yeah, yeah.
[ Both laugh ]
Anyway, I was -- I was telling
Vanessa, my wife, you know,
the woman I'm married to that,
uh...
the feelings between us
have just kind of faded away.
Oh, I don't know about
faded away.
I was pretty ticked off
at you when I got back
and heard that you had
met somebody.
I kept hoping that it would end,
but, eventually,
I got the feeling
that it wouldn't.
'Cause I got married.
That was a big clue.
[ Chuckling ] Yeah.
But look at us after all these
years, getting back together...
Mm.
...hitting the road,
just like old times!
Ah, or new times
where I'm married!
Why do we keep talking about
your wife?
We got a trip to plan.
Oh, and don't forget.
When we're not camping,
let's find a real comfortable
hotel that we can stay in.
You might remember
I like a real soft bed.
I do remember that!
Okay, so...
So, what's the first
destination, huh?
Your office!
Come here for a minute.
So, Billie's
still in love with you?
[ Chuckles ]
That's fantastic!
The chemistry will really make
that ad campaign pop!
If I was still
going on the trip.
Uh, what
are you talking about?
I'm not --
Uh, it's not like anything's
gonna happen between you two.
I mean, the loyalty to your wife
borders on the pathological!
So, what do we do about
Billie?
You want me to manipulate
the woman's emotions
just so we can
sell climbing gear?
Let me think, all right?
Yes.
No, you don't.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure
I do, yes.
Ed?
Oh, all right.
Of course not,
of course not.
I just -- I just don't want
to lose her business
to those idiots
at Climber's World!
A long time ago,
you and I agreed
never to put profit
before people.
Yes, well, that was before
we were making any profits.
Now that we're successful,
maybe we should update that.
I think the reason
we are successful
is we didn't update that.
You're annoying.
You know that?
Eh...
Okay.
Gonna let her down
easy, Mike?
Well, that's my intent.
And if it doesn't work...
name the jet after me.
Mandy, calm down.
I didn't sell the bear.
Why not?
It obviously
means nothing to you.
Why don't you toss it
in the fireplace?
Monster.
I forgot
you gave this to Boyd.
You know how many of these
we have in the closet?
Sometimes I grab one just
to mop up a spill.
You really don't remember
that thing?
I'm trying, but my memory
is a little...
fuzzy-wuzzy!
[ Chuckles ]
Sorry.
I didn't give it to Boyd.
I gave it to you.
Ohhhh.
This is that bear?
Okay. Are you just saying that,
or do you really remember?
[ Sighs ]
I remember perfectly.
You gave me this the day
I found out I was pregnant.
I was terrified
to tell Mom and Dad.
I thought
my life was over, but...
you and I talked all night.
Yeah, it was a really special
memory for me,
but I guess
it wasn't for you.
Oh, t-the bear
was sweet, but...
what I'll never forget is
the note that came with it.
Yeah, right.
It said, "This isn't
the end of your life.
It is the beginning
of a great new one."
Lucky guess.
[ Clears throat ]
Hmm.
Oh, what's that?
Here.
You kept it?
Yeah.
When I have a bad day,
I read it,
and it makes me feel better.
I read it a lot.
Wow.
I already had
beautiful handwriting.
[ Sighs ]
Hey, thanks.
Means a lot
that you kept it.
[ Breathes heavily ]
You know, when I gave you that,
it -- it had eyes.
Oh, yeah.
Uh, Boyd pulled them off.
He -- He went through
a phase where he thought
his animals
were staring at him.
Mm.
He's a weird kid.
Yeah.
You're not gonna get 50 cents
for a blind bear.
Uh...no, but this bear
isn't for sale.
Some parts of the past
are worth holding on to.
Aww.
Yeah.
Just...
Just nothing you wear.
Oh, hey.
He's back.
Before I say anything else,
I'm gonna tell you,
I'm not going
on that trip with you.
What?
If this means you're gonna
sign with Climber's World,
so be it,
but I don't think it's fair
to go on a trip
with you alone
when you're clearly
in love with me.
Male voice: Sweetheart,
who are you talking to?
W-Who's that?
That's Gordon, my fiancé.
Oh.
Gordon, say hi to Mike.
Gordon: Uh, hi, Mike.
H-Hey...
Gordon.
Nice to meet you.
I wish I'd met you
yesterday!
Honey,
I'll call you later.
Love you.
That was to him,
not to you.
Mm-hmm.
So, that's cool.
Fiancé, yeah.
How big is the dude?
Oh...
about average.
Great.
For a Navy S.E.A.L.
I feel like an idiot.
Let's get back
to this itinerary
and just put all this
behind us, okay?
[ Chuckles ]
Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
Let's roll around in it
for a little while.
You know, I'm really flattered
that you thought
what we had was so special.
Was it really
that good for you?
Well, I just know how hard it is
to get over a guy like me.
[ Laughs ]
How about we start
with Mount Temple?
Mike...
I hope I didn't do anything
to lead you on.
You know,
it's that accent of yours.
Everything you say
sounds like flirting.
Oh, I don't know
about that.
There you go again.
Damn, we're on a hayride!
Look at that!
[ Laughs ]
And you were willing
to bust this whole thing
because you were worried
about my feelings?
Well, just 'cause
we're in the past
doesn't mean
I don't care about you.
Well, that's good to know.
And, also, I didn't want
to have
any bad feelings between us
when I'm hanging on a rope
that you'd be able to cut.
[ Laughs ]
You know, I didn't go with
Climber's World because...
they've forgotten
that the business
is all about the people.
Yeah, we don't forget that
around here.
I can tell.
That's why this kind of place
is where I want to call home.
Great.
And sorry about this.
No hard feelings?
No hard feelings.
Welcome aboard!
Thanks.
Oh, Mike!
Deal's back on, gentlemen!
Don't worry, Vanessa.
I'll take it real slow
to keep Mike safe.
Oh, you know,
I think I'll be all right.
I'm spry enough
to keep up with you.
Yeah, he hurt himself
picking up the paper yesterday.
That's 'cause it was
stuck in a hedge.
That was
a very dangerous hedge.
There are no dangerous hedges
in the mountains.
You know, Eve was
a good rock climber, too.
-Mm-hmm.
-Oh, is that right?
Oh, well, yeah.
I spend more time
on my music now.
Well, it shows.
That song that you played us
before dinner was beautiful.
Oh, thank you.
I'm just trying to let her know
how difficult it is
to get in the music business.
Well, some people
pull it off.
And with a voice like Eve's,
I think she's got
a pretty good shot at it.
But what do I know about
the music business?
Vanessa, I loved dinner!
You're beautiful.
You can cook.
You're quite a catch.
Oh, you are so sweet.
Thank you.
Honey, she's not hitting on you.
It's just her accent.